


Search for me

by lets_support_frogs



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula (Avatar) is A Good Sibling, Azula Joins the Gaang (Avatar), Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Bisexual Zuko (Avatar), Drug Withdrawal, F/F, F/M, Firelord Azula (Avatar), Firelord Iroh (Avatar), Firelord Zuko (Avatar), Forced Drug Use, Fuck these nameless OCs, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Hakoda Adopts Zuko (Avatar), Hallucinations, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Iroh Adopts Zuko (Avatar), M/M, Memory Loss, Multi, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Partially Blind Zuko (Avatar), Partially Deaf Zuko (Avatar), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Azula (Avatar), Protective Iroh (Avatar), Protective Sokka (Avatar), Protective Suki (Avatar), Protective Toph Beifong, Psychological Torture, Torture, We hate ozai in this house, Zuko (Avatar) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Zuko (Avatar) Needs Therapy, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko (Avatar) whump, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, and they are awful, because she deserves it, have i mentioned FUCK OZAI, if anyone supports ozai, no seriously FUCK ozai, that is not the only reason, then fuck you, they support Ozai, who they are is not important, zuko is scared of fire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 56
Words: 234,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lets_support_frogs/pseuds/lets_support_frogs
Summary: The war is over and things are beginning to settle down. There is still a lot that needs to be done after 100 years of war but progress is being made. Zuko is genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. This all changes when Ozai's supporters free him from prison, taking Zuko with them. After a few days of trying to find out where Zuko is, Ozai demands his bending returned in exchange for Zuko's life, promising he would torture Zuko every day he has to wait. Trying to avoid this, the Gaang sets off to look for Zuko before something irreversible is done to him. When he is retrieved through one method or another, he is so broken, Zuko is barely a man that can be recognized as their friend anymore. It will take every resource they can find to put him back together.In which everyone needs therapy and Zuko has severe trauma. I am bad at writing summaries but the story is better I swear.Updates every Saturday (EST)posted 12/01/2020
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Azula & Bato (Avatar), Azula & Katara (Avatar), Azula & Mai & Ty Lee, Azula & Ozai (Avatar), Azula & Sokka (Avatar), Azula & Toph Beifong, Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda (Avatar), Bato/Hakoda/Kya (Avatar), Bumi/Kanna (Avatar), Hakoda & Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda/Kya (Avatar), Iroh & Ozai (Avatar), Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Kanna & Kya (Avatar), Kanna/Pakku (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Ozai & Zuko (Avatar), Ozai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Suki/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Zuko, azula & kya, kanna & bumi, kanna/bumi, kya vs Pakku
Comments: 374
Kudos: 326





	1. Chapter 1

Things were finally starting to seem a little better than they had been for a long time. That was a very relative description with everything in his life. Nightmares still plagued him, anxiety still gnawed at him, he was still always so scared...but, there were parts of his life where he felt safe. He felt safe right now. He was sitting in the courtyard, this was the one place in the palace that held almost no bad memories. It was his and his mothers safe haven. It was where the turtle ducks were. It was where he and Sokka and sometimes Suki would come after a meeting. Usually it was a meeting Zuko had to attend with other fire nation nobility, and he hated those so much for so many reasons. He came out here for that to be washed away, to be held by the man he loved and who made him feel safe, to have a breath of fresh air. He looks down as the little turtle duck cupped in his hands, smiling at it absently. 

“Hey.” A soft voice says to his left, a little muffled both from his mouth pressed against his shoulder and it coming from his scarred side. Zuko feels a kiss pressed against his neck, moving up to his cheek. A warm, calloused hand touches his right cheek, gently moving his head towards his left. He meets Sokka’s bright blue eyes, always seeming to hold a smile in them even at the worst of times, as he feels their lips gently meet. “What's with you and turtle ducks?” he asks, pointing to the tiny turtle duckling curled up in his hands, fast asleep.   
“Well first of all, they're cute. Second of all, I love them. Third of all, what’s with you and hating on them? They just want to be fed and snuggle. Reminds me of an idiot I fell for.” He says with a small chuckle, nestling his head between Sokka’s shoulder and neck. 

“Hey! I’m a simple man with simple needs. Speaking of which, put your damn duck down and let's go get food. Or I’m eating your turtle duck right here and now.” He says, laughing as he slowly stands up. “Do that, not only will I leave you but I’ll charge you with treason” Zuko grumbles, kissing the turtle duck on the head and gently nestling it next to the pond before standing up, gently taking Sokka’s hand in his, part of him still a little convinced Sokka would melt away, and he’d be back cold, alone, and angry on his ship on a pointless chase. 

“Okay, you wouldn’t break up with me for eating a turtle duck, you’d...i don’t know, hey Suki! If I ate a turtle duck because Zuko was taking too long to feed me do you think he’d break up with me or just like make me run around the palace in my underwear and look stupid in front of everyone!?” Sokka practically screams at Suki, who is well within talking range, only a few steps from them leaning against the entrance to the courtyard still in uniform. “I wouldn’t need to make you do anything to look like an idiot in front of the whole city, you do it at least once a week yourself.” Zuko says at the same time Suki says “I think it would be more of a punishment to make you behave yourself for a day.” 

Sokka gives an exaggerated look of betrayal. “I can’t believe it, you two treat me like this after everything we’ve been through together. After Ever-” Suki cuts Sokka off by smacking the back of his head playfully. “So I see Zuko's melodrama is rubbing off on you. This isn’t what I need. Oh, and for the record, I think that if you killed and ate a turtle duck in front of Zuko because he didn't feed you fast enough like you were threatening to, he would break up with you, cut ties with the Southern Water Tribe entirely and then have you publicly executed for war crimes.” Suki says with a grin, gently kissing Sokka’s cheek. “Yeah, that sounds abo-wait war crimes? What fucking war are you talking about Su, if you think I’m gonna drag the world into another war because of Sokka’s stomach, you are absolutly fucking correct.” Zuko chimes in, a little confused but giving Suki a small smile. She didn’t make him feel weird or anything...talking just wasn't his strong suit, and it was made even worse being the Fire Lord. Old anxieties of saying the wrong thing gnawing at him through every meeting, sometimes lasting for hours after they were finished. Such as today, not a particularly notable meeting, such as what had happened today was a regular occurrence, he had several a week. Just...something about how everyone was looking at him filled him with a sense of powerlessness and fear. Despite being one of the most powerful men in the world, he couldn’t shake so much of his fear. 

“I can’t believe either of you,” Sokka’s exasperated shouts bring Zuko back into the present and turn multiple heads their way. “I’m just a guy with a boomerang, who is a growing man and a lover of meat, who just wants to be appreciated. But nooo, can’t even get that from you two.” He continues rambling on about how he doesn't like fire spicing and just wants some “normal food” and there is no need to attack him for it as they continue to walk down the corridors towards the kitchens. He has sense let go of Zuko’s hand, flailing his arms around in exasperation, walking in front of the other two. 

Suki moves next to Zuko, gently taking his now free hand. “Are you okay? You haven’t been sleeping again...have you? Did something happen?” 

“What makes you think I’m not sleeping?” Zuko says defensively, realizing his mistake as he does it. “I know you.” Suki whispers. “And you have that haunted look in your eye..Sokka has mentioned you’ve been having particularly bad nightmares again...didn't say anything about you not sleeping.” Zuko shrugs, really not wanting to go into detail about how if you don’t sleep you can’t have nightmares, and if you don’t have nightmares, you can’t burden the people you love more than you already do. He didn’t doubt Sokka genuinely loved him...but everyone had their limits. He could not pass those limits. No matter the cost. “Hey Zu, remember what we talked about hiding your feelings as an adult?” Zuko rolls his eyes. “Being an angsty 16 year old makes you grumpy and normal, being an angsty 24 year old makes you a little bitch.” He says, realizing that that was probably what Toph has said to him and not Suki. Suki probably said something a little more sophisticated, but to the same effect. 

Zuko assumes that Suki draws the same connections as she laughs loudly. “Not how I would put it, but yes.” She says, gently pushing him. “You get some sleep tonight, we can go terrorize some of your fathers supporters and find and break up any and all trafficking rings we may find. If you don’t, I’ll commission Toph to invent bone bending.”

“Wait Toph can bone bend?” Sokka asks as they enter the dining room, sitting down at a table, joining back into the conversation. “Is that like bloodbending but for earth benders. Oh shit is she gonna get me back for not paying up in that bet I lost?!” Zuko and Suki laugh. “First of all,” Zuko says, taking Sokka’s hand again. “Bone bending is where Suki tells her to break my bones for not taking care of myself to her standards. Toph then calls it bone bending in her defense, and then where I don’t press charges for treason because I can’t stop her. Second of all, why were stupid enough to cheat her out of a bet? And what bet did you make with her?” Zuko asks, genuinely curious, pressing his lips against Sokka’s hand. “We were betting on how Ty lee and Mai would get together. I thought that they eventually one of them would say or do something, likely Ty lee that would get them together, and Toph thought that Suki would set them up. But nooo, Jerkbender Lord Zuko had to set them up and ruin the whole thing. Now she’s claiming she won because someone set them up and that you two share a brain cell anyways and so it’s the same thing.” Sokka says, waving his arms again. “Also where is the food.”

“Hey!” Suki exclaims, “I am way smarter than Zuko, I don't share any part of my brain with him and I won’t accept this slander. Also, just pay her whatever you owe her, it’s not worth it to be on her bad side.” Zuko breathed a small flame in Suki’s direction. “This is treason.” He grumbles. “They’re bringing the food right now Sokka,” he says pointing to three servants. “And you ate less than three hours ago and sense then have done nothing but sit in the courtyard and threaten the turtle ducks.” As he finishes, food is laid out on the table, Sokka thanks the servants with his mouth already full, acting as if he hadn’t eaten in days and not like he was staying in the royal palace as an ambassador. Zuko gives them a small smile as they’re offered a steaming drink. Suki refuses on the grounds ‘hot drinks make her sleepy and she still has a few more hours on her shift as Zuko’s bodyguard’. Sokka shrugs, accepting it without thinking, Zuko accepts it because it reminds him of uncle. Zuko misses him, he knows uncle is happy in his tea shop in Ba Sing Se, but that doesn’t stop him from wishing he were here. Especially right now. He didn't understand why he felt so small and scared all the time, well, more so than he has most of his life, no matter how well he hides it. 

Zuko takes a small sip of the tea. Jasmine, what he told uncle was his favorite. Not that he doesn't like it, it's just...it’s just tea and he never saw much of a difference between many of them...just kind of grouped them together. But it was a small partial fib that brought so much joy to his uncle's eyes, he continued. He puts his cup down, picking at his dinner, knowing he needs to eat...especially because Suki and Sokka were here. If he had it his way, he would probably eat once every few days. He was never sure if it was some subconscious method of punishing himself or if all of the anxiety welling up in him just made him so physically sick, eating became another dreaded task. Luckily he “ate” breakfast and lunch alone due to his schedule, which meant he skipped them. But he ate dinner with them and he couldn’t put this on them too. Through their conversation, Zuko moves small portions of his food onto Sokka’s plate when he doesn’t think Suki is looking. Sokka is one of the smartest men he knows, but when it comes to food...everything else goes out the window, and he’s eating too fast to notice any additional food on his already large plate. Zuko puts more tea in his mug, finishing it off as dinner between the three of them winds down. He leans back in his chair, eyes fluttering closed, realizing how tired he is. Maybe suki is right, maybe he does need a solid night's sleep.

“You alright there, hotman?” Sokka asks jokingly. Zuko nods slowly, smiling at Aang’s infuriating nickname for him. “Yeah..just realized how tired I am.” He mumbles. “Ah shit,” Suki says, laughing as she stands. “Sokka, pick him up, don’t let him walk. You know how rare it is for him to want to sleep. We’re capitalizing on this.” Zuko hears an enthusiastic cheer of agreement before he feels Sokka pick him up in bridal style with ease. He nuzzles into Sokka, taking in his warmth. “You’re so strong.” He mumbles, kissing his throat. “It’s sexy.” He hears laughter from both of them. “You’re also much lighter than you look. We gotta ask the staff to make your plates bigger.” He says as Zuko shakes his head slowly, pulling himself closer to Sokka. 

When they make it to his bedroom, Sokka sits Zuko down on the bed, slowly pulling off his clothes. “I can undress myself.” he grumbles, unhelpfully pulling at his clothes. “And the last time you slept more than 2 hours through the night was almost 2 weeks ago? You’re finally relaxed enough to feel how tired you are. He's helping” Suki says diplomatically, obviously peeved at Zuko’s lack of self care, but when had he ever put too much effort into that. “I thought I was your boss.” Zuko grumbles.

When Sokka gets him fully in bed, he presses his lips gently to Zuko’s. “I love you.” he whispers. “Love you too. Also, if it’s okay with Ty lee to be on guard alone for a little while, why don’t you two go fuck around. I’m sure seeing me naked got Sokka all horney because he wants this.” he says deliriously, making a sizzling sound and giggling. “Alrighty. You are fucking exaughted, and if you are still speaking when I get back, I will commit treason. Real treason. Not the kind you accuse me of multiple times a day. Got that?” Zuko nods as he slips into unconsciousness, greeted by some much needed sleep. 

There’s a loud bang followed by screams. Suki sits bolt upright, quickly followed by Sokka as they pull on their clothes to the point that they are non battle hazardous, not quite presentable and run to the door. When Suki goes to open it, she finds it locked. No, not locked, barracted. She slams her body against the door with as much force as possible. Nothing. “What the fuck is going on?” Sokka screams hysterically. “Fuck if I know!” She yells back, trying with the door again. “Hey, stop looking like an idiot and help me!” She screams, slamming against the door again. Sokka follows suit, appearing to only end up injuring his shoulder in the process. If she wasn’t so worried about what the fuck was going on it would be histerical. Zuko would find it...fuck, Zuko is in danger. She’s about to try the door again when she hears the sound of something heavy being moved and Ty lees voice yelling for “some idiot to help me move this stupid thing”. Suki pushes on the door again and it gives and she stumbles into the corredor followed by Sokka. 

She looks in front of her, Ty lee is standing there, blood trickling down her neck and most of the top left half of her body, all of it starting from a bad looking head wound. “Shit.” Suki mumbles. “Ty lee, lay down now, please. You aren’t in any condition to hold up a fight right now, you'll just end up killing yourself.” Ty lee nods, walking past her into the room she just freed them from, laying down on the bed. Thank the spirits that Ty lee seems to be one of her few friends that is usually rational and doesn’t feel the need to be angsty into adulthood. She is so thankful that Ty lee understands that where she is one of the strongest warriors Suki has ever fought with, bender or non bender, she understands she is only human and has limits.   
Suki begins running down the corridor to where Zuko is. Where he will be. Shaken up, exhausted, likely injured due to his state, but nothing critical. Nothing he can’t recover from. He has to be okay or else she would never forgive herself because she was supposed to be there, and she wasn’t. She was sure Sokka would feel the same way. The two of them almost always slept together, she didn’t know all of Zuko’s past, and she knew Sokka didn’t either, but both what they did and didn’t know was haunting. Sokka’s presence helped with the nightmares it seemed..most of the time… Sokka made him feel safe...and he would have been another form of protection if they had just… “Suki!” 

She turns to face a guard running down the hall, his clothes smoldering. He wasn’t a palace guard...he was a prison guard. “What?” replies, slowing to a walk but not deterring from getting to Zuko and holding him close, never letting him go. “It’s Ozai.” he says, terror in his voice. Suki stops in her tracks, unable to breath for a second. “Please fucking tell me you were forced to kill him.” she whispers, feeling ice in her blood, knowing that wasn’t what had happened. The guard shook his head. “He was broken out. We were overwhelmed...some of our own turned on us we-” she doesn’t bother to listen to whatever the rest he is saying. In other circumstances she would listen to him, figure out what to do. But there were more pressing matters. Zuko.

She bursts into his room, Sokka close behind her. The bed was torn apart, there were scorch marks on the walls, bed curtains and sheets smoldering. Blood on the floor and the sheets. Suki tears around the room, looking in every dark corner, every chest and closet big enough for a grown man to squeeze into, under the bed, every time praying she was going to find Zuko curled up and shaking, hiding like a scared child. Everywhere she looked, he wasn’t there. She turned around, finding Sokka on his knees, sobbing, holding the charred remains of what looked like Zuko’s clothes.

Ozai had escaped. No, Ozai was liberated, and Zuko was abducted. Those could not be a coincidence she thinks as guilt and fear begins to fill every hollow part of her body. Zuko was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right now this is my exam week but I couldn't get this story out of my head, so it was going to be an outlet for it, but i had to make myself stop working on it to finish my my term paper (i was very pleased with it:) ) After that I am on winter break and am going to be working on writing it in drive and steadily write and edit chapter and steadily update it so that I may be a little ahead when I go back to school. This is the first fic i have ever written and i created the account to write this.  
> So: I will create an updating schedule, likely every 2 or 3 days. I'm not doing days of the week until i get back to school because days of the week are meaningless until then with Mrs. Rona hanging around.  
> Also: If anyone wants anything in particular to happen, voice your opinion. I have a lose plot and will decide on details as I go, If i vibe with your idea it will more than likely be thrown in. Figuring things out as I go is how i do things, it drives my military roommate up the wall, and it hasn't failed me yet.  
> Note: If anyone thinks I haven't put how much I fucking hate Ozai in the tags, bring this to my attention and i will fix that. Because seriously, FUCK ozai

His body was stiff and was pulled too tight, all of his muscles were cramping, his body was sore, his head pounded. He was so fucking cold. His throat was so dry, so was his mouth. He tries swallowing to sooth it even for a second, which proves very difficult. As Zuko comes a little more into consciousness, he feels and tastes something thick and made of metal in his mouth, holding it open. Is it a bit? He asks himself. It feels like it, some weird mix between a bit and a muzzle, likely to keep him from breathing fire. 

He struggles a little to put more weight onto his legs and alleviate the strain on his arms. It should be easier than it was but he was in a relatively awkward position. He cracks his eyes open and looks around. His arms were chained to either side of him, slightly raised. His wrists were bound in thick cloth and the cuffs were secured around the cloth. This was probably to keep the cuffs from digging too deep into his skin, but there was only so much it was going to prevent. With so much of his weight on them he could already feel the damage they had caused, mild for now, but he was sure it would be worse if he didn’t get the fuck out of here soon.

He seemed to be standing in what was a metal door frame, but with no door and in the middle of a room opposed to in a wall. It was probably designed for this very purpose. His legs were spread about shoulder width apart, each leg chained to the frame with a chain linking his feet together. Probably to keep his legs from slipping too far apart, falling and completely fucking over his shoulders. The same cloth is around his ankles as his wrists. These all were small mercies, but he was sure that whatever was happening, it wouldn’t matter. 

‘These aren’t mercies, its because you aren’t going anywhere for a long time’. A voice says in his head, normally, he would try and push it away. But it was right. He knew it was right. Zuko feels himself begin to tremble, he wasn;t sure if it was more due to the cold or the fear, but both definitely contributed. It was then that he realized he was completely naked. It was definitely why he was so cold. 

He doesn’t know how long he was standing there, trembling violently, fear filling every corner of his body when he hears a voice behind him. “So I see time hasn’t changed much other than your appearance Zuko. Still a weak, pathetic, failure.” He turns his head, trying to find the speaker, not wanting to believe it. 

A man who looks so much like him, but older, not broken down, not defeated, walks into his line of vision. His father grabs his chin aggressively, forcing him to meet his cruel eyes. He lets out a small, horse sound of fear and watches in dismay as his father fucking laughs at him. ‘What kind of parent hates their own child this much?’ He thinks despite how much he knows this man has always hated him for being born. 

“I’m getting my throne back, boy.” he growls, grabbing Zukos long hair, cruelly pulling his head back. He struggles fruitlessly, stuck in the grip of his father and the hold of chains. “I’m getting everything back. You’re going to give it to me. Your friends are weak. My power for your life. We both know they’ll break, I’ll make sure they know I have friends taking care of you. They have instructions, do whatever the fuck they want to you as long as you’re still breathing. I don’t care if you're broken.” He says letting go of his hair. “I want you to know, I will actually give you back to your friends when they break and give me what I want. It’s not a lie. Just by the time they realize that’s what needs to be done, you’ll be broken.” He whispers, letting go of his grip on his hair, gently running his finger through his hair and pulling him into a gentle embrace. 

He knows this embrace isn’t loving, he knows it is about control. But he’s so cold, and this is the first time in his life his father has held him like this. He rests his head in the crook of his father’s neck, feeling his body shaking with silent sobs. He’s so fucking scared, so cold, so confused. He wants to say something, but the muzzle prevents anything from coming out. 

“Shhh.” he hears his father whisper, one hand rubbing his back, the other still running through his hair. “Maybe if you weren’t such a fucking dissapointment I could love you.” He says, still gente, still holding him, still comforting him. Zuko doesn’t think he has ever been more scared or confused in his life. More comforted and threatened. More relieved and terrified. More hurt and validated. “There’s so much you can’t do right in your life. You had to go make it one more didn’t you? I know, I know. It’s okay, I know you can’t help it but disappoint me. I was still a little shocked when I realized what this was.” he says, removing his hand from Zuko’s hair, pulling something out of his pocket.

Zuko hates how much he misses the feeling of his fathers hand carding gently through his hair. Something he had never felt from this man before in his life. He turns his head and feels his stomach drop. His father is holding his betrothal necklace. He wants to say something to defend himself to his father, he isn;t sure why. Then he watches him gently hang the necklace on the frame, moving his hand back to stroking his hair. Zuko buries his face in his fathers neck again, not sure what to think. Was he not angry? Not only that if a man was being given a betrothal necklace it was likely from another man. Did his father not hate him for being gay? He had upheld the ban on same sex marrage and demanded traditional masculinity form his son. “I can’t say i’m proud of what you are. I never have been, but especially now, I don’t think I ever could be.” He whispers, his voice so soft despite what he was saying.

Zuko lets out another choked cry, desperately wishing he could speak, wanting to speak to his father in the first instance of intimacy he had been shown his entire life by the man who was supposed to care for him. “A water tribe savage is what you deserve, even that is a little too good for you. At least you understand you don’t deserve a fire nation noble like Mai. Despite how disgusting it is, you can’t pass down whatever faults you have to children.” He whispers, pulling Zuko a little closer as he cries harder, Not sure if he should feel accepted or torn apart. He figured if his father ever found out he was engaged to a man, especially a man from the water tribe, he would do everything he could to end him. He did not expect to be completely at his fathers mercy and be held and comforted. Told of all of his shortcomings and held anyways. 

Ozai gently kisses the top of Zuko’s head, making him cry harder. Where was this man while he was growing up? Why couldn’t he have done this even if it wasn’t genuine? Why was this the first time he had ever felt loved by his father, despite the fact he knew he was going to be held for ransom and likely harmed. He prayed to the spirits his friends didn’t give his father back his bending. He couldn’t let this man have power again. He couldn't let him take the world by storm again. 

He wasn’t sure how long it had been when his father pulled away from him, leaving Zuko feeling cold and abandoned. He feels his heart break for the loss of the man who could never love him. “This should be the last time I will see you as the Fire Lord, and this should be the last time you see me without my bending or rightful place on the throne.” Ozai says, giving Zuko a sad smile before leaving the room and leaving Zuko alone in the cold, broken. 

It had been awhile since Aang had been to Ba Sing Se, and he has to admit, he didn’t miss it. Despite the war having ended, the city had not changed that much once everything brought in with the breached walls was driven out again. He had gotten word of Ozai’s escape and Zuko’s capture from Hawkey while traveling to the Fire Nation. Luckily, he was only a few hours' flight from the outer walls of Ba Sing Se when he received the message. When he got it he wanted nothing more than to race to the fire nation, to find his friends and make a plan. He wanted to find Zuko to make sure no one could ever hurt him again. His friend had already been through so much, and he didn’t think he could take one more thing after everything the world had done to try and break him. Aang couldn’t imagine the strength it must have taken to be broken over and over again by people who were supposed to care for you and still find the capacity for good deep down in him. He needed to find him, but Sokka’s letter had been clear to get Iroh, and if anyone should be thinking emotionally it was him. Luckily, Sokka was always the smart one, he could be an idiot, but when the chips were down, he always came through. 

Aang jumps off of Appa and runs towards the Jasmine Dragon before Appa can land, bursting in and finding the cheerful old man talking to customers with a smile on his face. Iroh doesn't know yet, and Aang wishes he didn't have to be the one to break the old man’s heart, but he needed to. They needed someone they and Zuko trusted to act as the Fire Lord before charging off to find Zuko. They didn’t even have a plan yet, but Sokka was probably working on that right now, too upset to sleep or do anything else likely. 

Iroh turns to Aang, a warm smile on his face which falls almost immediately when he sees the look on Aang’s face. “One moment please, someone will help you in a moment, I need to attend to something.” Iroh walks towards the back of the shop, waving for Aang to follow. He does and they are all too soon in the back room alone. Aang feels tears prick in his eyes, embracing Iroh who immediately reciprocates. “Ozai was liberated.” he whispers after a long minute, wanting to start with the less bad news. “No.” Iroh whispers, holding Aang tighter. “How is Zuko taking this, is he alright?” and that was it, Aang feels his heart break. “They took Zuko too.” He says before breaking down in Iroh’s arms, he can feel Iroh shaking too. Both men hold each other tightly as they let fear and heartbreak fill them.

A few hours later, Iroh has his bags packed and is climbing onto Appa. He has spoken with his staff, putting a woman by the name of Jin in charge. It doesn’t matter if it is night, they need to get to the fire nation as soon as possible. Iroh needed to take on the temporary position as Fire Lord before things got too out of hand and they needed to find Zuko before it was too late. He wasn’t sure if his life was in danger, but there are fates far worse than death which was the fear that filled Aang the most. ‘Please let Zuko be okay. Let us bring him home safe’. He prays as he flies towards the fire nation as fast as Appa can go.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me already breaking my very tentative and not particularly clear update schedule. I wrote three chapters yesterday, decided they should be longer than the first two, and got excited so here we are. 
> 
> Seriously, if anyone has anything they think should happen/want to happen, let me know in the comments. If it doesn't interfere with my very vague plot I am more than happy to find a way to add it in there. I have intentions of making this a long thing. Also I just like feedback:)

Sokka is looking at maps, old reports, anything that could give any clue as to where Zuko may have been taken. Suki is sitting across from him, bottom lip bleeding, eyes red, hand trembling, but dutifully marking anything that may be useful on maps or writing notes on paper. Sokka is sure he doesn’t look too much better, but that really doesn’t matter right now. What matters is finding anything that may be useful to their search. 

He, Suki, the other Kyoshi warriors, and anyone else they trusted was brought in, writing letters and putting up posters calling for any and all information about what may have happened. They were offering rewards to anyone who had any information on who these people were and where they could have taken Ozai and more importantly Zuko. It was made clear that Iroh was going to stand in as Fire Lord for Zuko and when he did, harboring any Ozai supporters or knowingly withholding information would be a capital crime. 

He had almost immediately sent Hawkey out with a message for Aang to inform him of what had happened and for him to bring Iroh and Toph with him. Sokka knew that Aang was in the earth kingdom, Iroh would be at his tea shop in Ba Sing Se and Toph would be at her metalbending academy. It was made clear that getting Iroh was the first priority, having a stand in who was of royal blood and who would unconditionally back Zuko was what they needed right now. Soon after, Suki had sent an airship to the South Pole to get Katara. If they found-no, when they found Zuko, he was likely going to be in need of immediate medical attention. He was glad Suki was willing to write the request because there was an open invitation for Chief Hakoda to come with her...and if he came Bato would likely come with him. Sokka just wanted his dad right now, but he knew if he wrote to them, his father would feel obligated to come. He really hoped the family stubbornness would pull through and his dad would insist on coming and try and fight anyone who tried to stop him. 

The thought of his father fighting his friends insisting on going to the other side of the world to support his grown son made a small chuckle form, but it got stuck in his throat and turned into a pained sob, more tears rolling down his cheeks. Suki gives him a sad look, looking back down at the paper. “We’re gonna find him. He’s gonna be okay.” She says, her voice hoarse and raspy from crying and yelling for the past several hours. “M-maybe a little shaken up, but okay.” Sokka nods, feeling a teas slip down his cheek and splash onto his hand. “He has to be okay.” He whispers, not able to talk much louder anymore. “Aang’s going to get here, and we’re going to find him.”

As if on queue, they hear the familiar growl of Appa. He’s here sooner than expected. Sokka thinks. Not that he's complaining. They probably flew straight through the night and were all likely exhausted, especially Appa. I hope they have Toph. He prays, not looking up from the paper. The palace knows where they are and if the others want to see them they can be directed here, he doesn't feel the need to parade how much of a fucking mess he is to everyone they encounter. The look Suki gives him shows that they are on the same page with that as they continue to work.

About 20 minutes pass until Aang enters the room. Usually, whenever he enters a place, his cheer fills the room. Right now he seems to empty it. His sullen expression reads fear and devastation. He stands next to the doorway in the room, clearly unsure if he should say anything or come near them. Sokka isn’t sure either, there aren’t exactly social scripts about how to navigate the situation of ‘so your fiance was just kidnapped by his crazy and abusive father’s supporters who mean him harm’. Iroh walks in, wasting no time to move towards them, pulling him and Suki into a hug not hiding how heartbroken he is about any of this. In his periphery, Sokka sees Toph standing on the other side of the doorway, head down, shoulders sagging, looking defeated, a look that he had never seen on her, not as a child, and not as an adult. All of this was so unnerving. She and Zuko were very close. She was the first one who befriended him, and she was the one Zuko seemed to always trust. 

After he and Zuko had broken his dad and Suki out of the boiling rock, and Zuko had all but disappeared from the group whenever he could, when he wasn’t alone he was with Toph. Sokka had exclusively been with Suki until about a year after the war, so Zuko hadn’t been seeking either of them out for comfort. He would always let Toph hold him when he wouldn’t let anyone touch him. She was the one who had figured out that he was absolutely terrified of Hakoda, but she wouldn’t give details to any of them. Sokka later found out why, after learning more about Zuko’s relationship with Ozai and he had felt sick for weeks. He had known that it must be bad if Toph refused to spill, she had very little care for privacy. But learning everything that man had done to him was gut wrenching. And everything he is doing to him now. He thinks before he can stop himself. 

“What’s the plan?” Aang says after the long silence as Iroh lets Suki and Sokka go from his embrace. Sokka clears his throat before beginning. “We’re thinking he is in either a rural or abandoned area in the Fire Nation. It’s been a very short period of time and a blockade was set around all sea access to the fire nation, and there is a diligent watch for the skies. All ships are being searched. This wasn’t a small ill thought through attack, they needed to have a base camp that they could hold Zuko in. It would likely be underground to keep him disconnected from the sun, Agni.” He says, eyes not leaving the ground. “Suki and I have labeled any area that could be used, especially any area with abandoned prisons. My first bet would be with an old firebender prison to the West, second would be an old waterbender prison to the North. I think we should split up into groups and go as soon as we can.” Sokka finishes.  
He was met with silence for several long seconds. “I’ll go to the firebender prison, it's likely underground and I can see more than you guys can.” Toph offers up. “I should go there too, it’s likely he’ll be there and firebenders can go a few days without the sun, it's the elongated withdrawal that makes us lose our bending.” Iroh says sternly. “I’m sorry Iroh, but we need you here. You’ll be acting as Fire Lord until we get Zuko back and this was an organized and thought through plot. They aren’t done yet. They’ll be coming for the throne. Zuko would want someone he trusts taking care of the Fire Nation and defending it from Ozai while he’s gone.” Sokka says. He expects a fight, but Iroh simply nods once, growing silent again. 

“Your sister should be here in a few days, we can leave after she and likely your father and Bato get here.” Suki says, placing a hand on Sokka’s shoulder. “No! We have to leave tomorrow morning! Who knows what’s being done to him right now!” Sokka cries, pulling away from Suki. “Sokka, I want to find him just as much as you do, but getting ourselves captured or worse won’t do him any good. I’m still against the idea of splitting up these prisons. As you said, this was well planned, not random. There will be guards around him. Firebender guards who are willing to give up their freedom and lives to support Ozai.” Suki says as calmly as she can, but her voice is shaking. 

Sokka feels rage boil up in him. How can she not be desperate to find him? How can she not be willing to give up everything to make sure Zuko is safe? How could she not be willing to take Zuko’s place just to know that the world wouldn’t take anymore from him. He tries to turn it in’t a rational argument but it turns into him sinking to the ground, sobbing. “H-he-he’s be-been through so-so much...I-I don’t know h-how much mo-more he ca-can take.” He chokes out, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He feels arms wrap around his shoulders, strong and sturdy. “Sparky can take a lot, Sokka. We’ll find him, we’ll get him any help he needs. What would break him is if he found out someone got themselves killed trying to save him. The guilt would destroy him.” She whispers in a voice very unlike her. “Katara is one of the strongest warriors and one of the most skilled healers. Whatever they do to him physically, she can fix. The fire nation has some very skilled psychologists, Zuko told me he has been to see his sister in the hospital more frequently. She’s been able to go on walks with him, hold full conversations, be alone with him and not try and hurt him. Their relationship is still a little rocky, but improving still, but she’s doing much better. If they can help Azula, they can help Zuko.” Toph says, pulling him a bit closer. This was all very unlike her...but this situation wasn’t normal. 

“Wait when has Zuko been to see Azula? And why do you know?” Suki asks, bewildered. “Well he started writing to me when i opened my metalbending school, I’m not sure if he wrote to me out of spite or if he genuinely forgot that I couldn’t read. So I have someone who reads all my letters to me and writes back for me. I missed him.” She says, smiling a little. “I always forget how close you two are sometimes.” Suki says sadly. Toph nods. “So we’re in agreement that we will wait for Katara?” Toph asks. There is a chorus of agreements form everyone, rage filling Sokka again. “No we aren’t in agreement! We can all go together to these prisons and if he isn’t in either of them, we go to our next location with Katara and dad!” He yells, shaking with anger, not understanding why no one was demanding to go this second. “Maybe you all just don’t fucking love him enough! Maybe you all don’t care if he comes back so broken we can’t even recognize him!” Sokka shouts with growing desperation.   
“Remember when we were at the western air temple, when sparky first joined us?” Toph asks. “Yeah I fucking remember!” Sokka yells, not even trying to calm himself down. “The only way I could get him to eat most nights was to refuse to eat myself unless he either went to the campfire with me...well that was until I realized he was scared of your dad on top of it being some weird punishment for himself, but then I would bring him food and if he didn’t eat with me, I wouldn’t eat either. Threatening someone else was the only way to get him to take care of himself.” She says uncharacteristically softly. “If something happens to someone because we rushed in ill prepared, it will kill him. I’m not being dramatic. He might...I don't know what to think about what he might do to himself.” she finishes. “Please Sokka, don’t get yourself killed for him. He won’t survive it.” Sokka finally deflates, bowing his head nodding. “Okay.” He whispers.

Zuko hears footsteps behind him turning his head wildly around, trying to see who was there, wanting any form of understanding of his situation. He can hear his heart pounding in his chest, wondering if it is deafening to the newcomer as it is to him. Ozai had left hours ago, leaving Zuko alone and cold, craving his fathers warm embrace, no matter how cruel his words were. He can hear the person stop walking directly behind him, and he swears he hears other footsteps in the room as well, a little farther away. Unfortunately, his hearing isn’t that good to begin with. On top of that, he is thirsty, hungry, cold, exhausted and absolutely terrified, not making him the best judge of anything right now. 

He feels a hand rest on his back, slowly moving across his exposed skin on his upper back, neck and shoulder. He feels the lips press against his neck before he feels teeth sinking into his flesh, he tries jerking away, but that is met with hands placed over his hips, heating up, burning. He tries to pull away again, tries to say something, not caring what it is, but it just comes out as a broken, dry sob. 

The man’s hands moved off of him completely. “You mark up so nicely, my lord.” The man whispers in his ear. “And we have so much space to work with.” Zuko can’t suppress the terrified sound escaping his dry, open mouth. He isn’t sure if they can hear him at all through the muzzle, but he still hates how easily they can tell he is absolutely terrified. Two men move into his line of vision, not quite in front of him, but he likes being able to see them. He hears the sound of keys behind him and hears something click. He feels the muzzle being removed from his mouth and immediately clamps his mouth shut, relishing in how good it feels. He was so grateful he could weep, but he didn’t want them to see him like that. He didn’t want them to know how truly broken he was so fucking soon, it didn’t matter he had been on the edge of that point for years, someone finally pushed him over the edge. “Breath any fucking fire for any reason and your going to be begging for us to remove the option. Even if you did burn someone, you have limited range and would have nowhere to run. You also can’t do anything to defend any part of yourself in this position. Do I make myself absolutely fucking clear?” The man says, running one hand over Zuko’s chest and the other up his arm, pressing his lips to his neck again, but doesn’t bite. Zuko nods. 

One of the men in front of him approaches him with a flask, opening it and pressing it to his lips. “Drink.” He orders gruffly. Zuko does so, knowing there is very little he could do to stop him, and didn’t want to piss him off over something this simple. Water! He thinks with relief, draining the flask in a few short seconds, choking a little. “Tha-thank you.” He chokes out, head sagging again. “Awe look at that, it’s trained.” The third man says, with a sneer Zuko can hear in his voice. Zuko forces himself not to respond, legs already shaking from standing on them for so long in a stagnant position. Zuko hears a few more sets of footsteps enter the room. How many fucking people are here? He thinks. Before he can turn his head to try and see anyone, he hears chains rattle on either side of him. The chains on his arms are being removed from the frame. The man behind him wraps his arms around his waist, helping him move into a kneeling position, a small part of him was grateful for that, not being sure if his legs could move without splitting his knees on the ground. The chains are attached to two rings on the floor he hadn’t seen before, making it so he can’t lift his head past the knee height of the men surrounding him.

One of them removes his betrothal necklace from the frame, clasping it around his neck. “I want you to remember who gave this to you, how much he must have wanted to share his life with you. Think about what your precious water tribe savage will think of you when he learns about this. He’ll either leave you, or see this is all you're worth for now.” The man says as he slips a slick finger inside of him so gently, Zuko lets out a small moan, biting his lip before whimpering in fear, shame, and pleasure. “There you go sweetheart.” The man whispers. “We wanna hear every little noise you can make.” Zuko feels his whole body tense with fear, and flush with shame. Shame for feeling his betrothal necklace bounce against his exposed chest, remembering the time and effort Sokka put into making a carving they both loved, not caring if his skills lacked. Shame for being too terrified to fight back even if he knew it was a losing battle, if he loved Sokka he would endure. Shame for it being so easy for them to drag little whimpers of pleasure from his lips, sobbing a little harder at each one. Shame as he felt his body writhe in pleasure, push the man deeper into him as he gently and dutifully touches the most sensitive part of his body all while gently fucking him the way a lover would, not a captor. 

It was a little after the 3rd man began violating him that his vision began to blur, he began to hear voices he almost recognized, hands clawing out at him and scratching him, and he can’t fully tell where he is anymore, not that he can’t feel everything. The water had been drugged was his last cohesive thought before he began screaming in pain, pleasure, and overwhelming fear.

Iroh is only torn away from his work when he hears the sound of a messenger hawk, screeching at him. He takes the message from the hawk, gives it a small snack more out of habit than wanting to befriend the bird, and quickly reads the message. He slowly reads it again to make sure he has read it right, not sure if he should be filled more with dread or relief. “What is it?” Toph asks, always the most perspective of the group. She wasn’t much help when it came to reading the maps, but she had been uncharacteristically hospitable getting food from the kitchen for them, and then (more characteristic) forcing them to eat. She was right to make them keep up their strength, but it was still irritating. “What?” she asks again, growing annoyed. “Ozai has Zuko.” He chokes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, if anyone has anything they think should happen/want to happen, let me know in the comments. If it doesn't interfere with my very vague plot I am more than happy to find a way to add it in there. I have intentions of making this a long thing. Also I just like feedback:)


	4. This is not a real chapter this is for clarification

I have not done creative writing in a very long time, I am a STEM major and where I have to write a plethora of papers, they are all lab reports, researcher's notes, research papers and the like. This is defiantly a change of pace for me in what I am used to writing so I have needed to change my style to very detailed (like so fucking detailed, anyone who has had to write a lab report or what they did researching for a professor knows how ridiculous it is even if it is vital) and detached to broad and personal. On my computer I have about 40 windows open, and in each window I have about 50 tabs running (and then i wonder why my computer is slow and dies fast), and that is how my brain functions as well. Considering not everyone functions like that and i am well aware that none of you are mind readers I am going to make a few things about what is going on clear incase anyone is confused, I don't know if it is or not but thats because it is my story in my head.

This is taking place about 8 years after Sozin's comet 

Suki, Sokka, and Zuko are all together. Suki and Sokka were exclusively together up until about a year after they had won the war. Zuko and Suki had gotten close and started going around dressed as the blue spirit and someone else (IDK how Suki is dressed, I don't know a lot of things and this is one of them) and they go around to areas of the fire nation doing what they think needs to be done that may look bad in the public eyes. This includes but is not limited to finding Ozai's supporters and beating them up, violently breaking up human trafficking rings because they both agree prison is too good for the people running them and a lot of them are very well connected making it difficult for any officials to catch them in the act. They will also take money from the palace and leave it in homes where any social programs that Zuko has started have not fully begun to function yet and individuals may need some help. There has also defiantly been more than one time that they have helped some nice elderly people in rural area hang out laundry or move some stuff around for them. To summarize, Zuko and Suki and very close friends who intact vigilanti justice on the fire nation despite being in positions of power.

Zuko and Sokka started getting closer as he was spending more time at the palace as ambassador and at some point Zuko confessed that he had had a think for him for awhile. Encouraged by Suki they kinda messed around and caught feels. Sokka and Suki's relationship is pretty much what it was in the show and comics and has just continued as they have turned into adults. It very quickly turned into a polyamorous relationship between the three of them where both Suki and Sokka are romantically involved with Sokka and Suki and Zuko just vibe. This is what happened because this is my favorite version of this ship and no one is going to stop me. Zuko does have a betrothal necklace and that isn't because Sokka loves Suki less, it was actually Suki's idea. It's expected that the Fire Lord is to get married and she thought that it would be funny for Zuko to get married to a Water tribe man. The Fire Nation has been homophobic and nationalistic during the war and she loves the idea of Zuko getting married to a peasant man from the Water Tribe. She also feels like Zuko thinks Sokka didn't really like him that much and it was more using him for sex than loving him kind of thing and she thought making it official would help his self esteem and it did. Suki doesn't care that much about marriage, not that she thinks it's dumb but that she doesn't feel like she needs the government to tell her how much she loves someone and what she would be willing to do to help them. There is also a lot of things in art ive seen where Sokka makes this really beautifully carved necklace. My man can't even draw, let alone carve a good picture and he didn't want anyone to do it for him because he is stubborn. He initially tried to do the fire nation insignia overlapping with that of the water tribe but when he kept on fucking it up he said fuck it and carved a sun and moon that looks bad. Zuko loves it and Sokka thinks its better than it is. 

Mai and Zuko were dating and ended up breaking up a little after the war when they realized they didn't love each other romantically. They do genuinely love each other, but because that was because they were expected to be in that kind of relationship and understood each other, they mistaked strong platonic love for romantic love for awhile. When they realized this they ended their romantic relationship on good terms and Zuko awkwardly helped Ty Lee get together with Mai because multiple people thought they would be a good match and Zuko just wanted good things for Mai and for her to be in a relationship she was really happy in. 

Due to the fact that it is obvious that Zuko is not very good with opening up about emotions, I love the trope he got very close with Toph when he joined the Gaang because she could smell his bullshit from a mile away. She was able to tell when something was upsetting him without him needing to say anything about it and when he first joined them and had never really had friends before, she was the only person who always seemed to know when and how it was okay to touch him without him saying anything bc my boi needs a hug and is scared of people. Toph 100% decided she was going to protect Zuko from everyone despite literally being 12, because who is gonna fuck with Toph, sure as hell not me. They have remained in regular contact despite, Zuko keeps sending her letters because he actually forgot she was blind. This is because he and Sokka share one braincell and Sokka can only use it when they are in danger. Suki has 2 braincells and she doesn't share them because she doesn't want them to depreciate in value. 

Azula is in the hospital for her mental health and has been significantly improving in the past 3 years. In the past 2 years, Zuko has been regularly visiting her and they have been kindling a relationship for the first time. This is because I just want good things for Azula and for her to not be crushed by her father's expectations for the rest of her life because she deserves to be happy. 

A lot of this is just me cramming my favorite tropes into this fic that can fit with the plot. I hope this is helpful, I don't know, this is not my normal writing style, if there is anything anyone wants clarification on yell at me in the comments I will not take offense. Some things people don't know if just because it hasn't been gotten to in the story, but I am sure there is more than one thing that I am not explaining well enough and that is because when my roommate and I were put in official quarantine by the university, she had the brain cell. Not we have gone home for break and she still has the braincell and won't share.


	5. Chapter 5

“What?” Toph whispers for the 3rd time. She wasn’t surprised that Ozai had Zuko, considering he was taken in the same attack that Ozai was freed...but why was he telling them so soon? She is greeted with heavy silence. No one knows what to say, some hearts are beating rapidly, others are still. “What does he want?” She finally whispers, not sure what this meant for sparky. He needed to be okay. Was being held for ransom better or worse for his well being? It seemed less likely that he would be killed, you can’t ransom a dead man. 

She can feel Iroh try and swallow his dread as he begins speaking. “Ozai has taken Zuko hostage, and as we speak...he’s being tortured. He’s left him in the hands of 12 of his supporters, all fire benders. They have instructions to keep him alive but to do whatever they want with him as long as they abide by those very vague constraints. He himself won’t be very involved.” Iroh whispers, his voice completely dead. He takes a deep breath before speaking again. “We have one year to restore Ozai’s bending, or he will kill Zuko.” He finishes after his lengthy pause.

Toph sits down, clutching the edge of the table, feeling sick. All she could think about was the teenager she had befriended in the air temple. He never got a moment of peace, not even in sleep. Throughout the day she could feel his heat racing like he was moments away from a heart attack. He was always so fucking scared, not matter how tough he seemed towards everyone. She understood why he had spent so much of his life being as angry as he was, if anger gave her a moment's break from perpetual terror that everyone around her is going to hurt her, she would build walls of hate and anger as well. She couldn’t imagine how much courage it must have taken to not only become an enemy of his nation, but to step out from behind his walls of safety which kept everyone at arm's length. 

All she could think about was how much he was willing to risk to help Sokka find his father, even though she was sure Zuko hated the idea of Hakoda being anywhere near them at the mention of it. How the only way to get him to eat most nights when Hakoda was with them was for her to only eat when and if Sparky did (he always caved, hating the idea of her going hungry). She thought of how she could feel his happiness radiate from him the night after he had had a particularly bad nightmare and she would always sleep next to him after that. She could feel how happy he was that he had made his first friend that didn’t just want to use him. The implications of that had made her want to cry.

Zuko was her closest friend even after all this time. He had been through so much, even though he was several years older than her, she had sworn she was going to protect him from the world the night him and Sokka had returned from the boiling rock. ‘And I failed you Sparky, I’m so sorry.’ She thinks shamefully, hoping he can somehow hear her. She feels arms wrapping around her and a thumb brushing against her cheek. “It’s okay Toph, we’re getting him back.” Iroh whispers. She hadn’t realized she had been crying until that moment. It explained why everyone was looking at her, she wasn’t one to break down like this. Toph nods, not trusting herself to speak. 

“Iroh,” Sokka starts, moving towards them, not hiding his nerves. “All of the people holding Zuko are firebenders...so they wouldn’t want to be disconnected from the sun for too long...how long would they be able to be underground where Zuko is cut off without being cut off themselves?” Toph gently pushes Iroh away from her, angrily wiping the tears from her eyes as Iroh walks towards Sokka. “I’m not sure, I’ve never tried the limits of being disconnected from Agni, but as long as they could be connected with him a few hours every week they should be able to maintain their bending. Which means that the old firebender prison is not off the list, but if they are there someone will have likely seen people periodically come up.” 

“Someone would also need to go for food.” Toph whispers, finally under her emotions enough to speak. Buying food for long periods of time would be difficult to feed 14 adults would be very difficult, hunting would only get them so far...especially when trying to keep a low profile, and farming is completely off the table. We should go around to villages and cities after we check the most likely areas he is being held. We would need to keep our presence low profile…we wouldn’t want Ozai to become aware of us getting close to finding him. I’m sure he expects us to look for him...he likely expects us to search for him for a month or two before giving up...enough time for his supporters to do spirits know what to him.” She quickly, knowing if she stops talking she’ll never be able to finish. 

“Do you think we could take him? Ozai I mean?” Aang chimes in before anyone has the chance to say anything. People give him puzzled looks, clearly unsure of what he means. “Ozai hasn’t been able to firebend in almost eight years. If I gave him back his powers, and he gave us Zuko...do you think we could take on him and his 12 loyalists? Assuming they’re all even there.” He says, looking at his hands. “What kind of fucking idea is that?!” Suki yells. “You want to give the most powerful firebender back his bending with followers crazy and strong enough to siege the palace, break him out and kidnap the standing Fire Lord?” Aang stands up, one of the few times Toph had ever felt even a hint of anger from him. “So what’s the other option? Let Ozai and his followers do spirits know what to him, probably getting worse every day? There are fates worse than death Suki, and I think he is facing one right now. The longer we wait, the less of Zuko we are getting back. Letting him die isn’t an option.” He finishes, slamming his hand on the table. Suki follows suit to annunciate her point. “And giving Ozai his powers back is?” 

They continue like this, and Toph doesn't know what to think about this, so she doesn’t. She thinks about other options of who or what could help. ‘Azula’. A voice whispers in her head. That's preposterous that...might be exactly what we need. ‘She’s been doing so well the past two years and facing Ozai could break her down again’. She thinks, not sure if Azula helping would be the best for anyone. ‘She’s gotten close with her brother again, finding out he was tortured and killed while she was kept in a hospital would definitely send her over the edge again’. She continues, unsure what to think, and before she can, she is speaking without thinking any of it though. “Azula can help. She’s an incredibly powerful bender. I know you’re hesitant to trust her...but desperate times call for desperate measures. I do genuinely think that she loves Zuko after so much time to work on her mental health and reconnect with her brother. If we’re genuinely considering giving fucking Ozai back his bending, it isn’t too much far stretch to commission for Azula’s help.”

She is met by complete stunned silence. “Iroh, as acting Fire Lord, your is the only approval that is needed. I think this is our only hope in getting Zuko back. I don’t think Ozai will expect us to take such drastic measures a few days after Zuko’s abduction, but in a few weeks he may be watching the hospital more closely for Azula’s removal. The more surprise we have on our side the better.” Again, more silence. “Someone fucking say something.” She demands. 

“I think that tomorrow we should go speak to her. Have her understand what is needed of her and what is at stake. She can make a choice in a place she feels comfortable. If she agrees, we take her out and disguise her identity.” Iroh says calmly. This is immediately met with backlash from Aang and Sokka, both yelling about how she tried to kill Katara which quickly turned to Sokka and Suki yelling at Aang that Azula had successfully killed him, even if it was only temporary. “This decision is final.” Iroh snaps. “I think we all need to get some rest. We can’t help anyone if we’re all at each other's throats and sleep deprived.” Everyone grudgingly agreed. Everyone went their separate ways to bed, except for Sokka and Suki, who took each other's hand and walked into a room together. Toph had never been quite sure what Suki, Sokka, and Zuko’s relationship was, but now was not the time to think about it as she closes her door and falls into a fitful sleep. 

The upside of living by the law of the minimum is that when Katara got the letter about what had happened to Zuko was that it didn’t take long to pack for an emergency mission. The downside of living by the law of the minimum is that when your friend and to be brother in law has been abducted and you are waiting for an airship that is supposed to be arriving that evening is that there is very little to occupy your time with. Katara tries to occupy herself with menial labor around the camp, anything to distract herself from thinking about what could be happening to Zuko. Funny how less than a decade ago, she may have wished something like this upon him, and now all it did was make her feel sick. 

She watches her dad help some of the younger boys down from Sokka’s watchtower, it was meant for children, and the fact that she, her father, and Bato were all to heavy for it to support them as adults made them need to rely on the lighter children to try and see if they could spot the airship coming. The closer it got to evening, the more anxious the three of them became. She had tried to stop her father from coming, but, to put it as eloquently as he had “no, fuck you Katara, my children need me and I was gone too long when you were kids. I’m staying with you when you need the extra help now.” And of course Bato was coming with them, it had hurt him a lot to be separated from Hakoda due to injury at war, and he wasn’t going to willingly leave him now. She thought it was clingy but kinda cute ... as much as you can find the relationship your father is in “cute”. 

“There it is!” She hears the shrill voice of a child cry, pointing skyward. Sure enough, they could see the airship in the distance several minutes later, moving quickly through the air. The three leaving grab their bags and say their final round of goodbyes as the airship comes in for a landing. They sprint towards it before the doors are fully open and are taking off before the door is fully closed. ‘At least they understand the urgency of this situation’. She thinks gratefully, trying to get any information about the trip and task that she can. It should take about a day and a half for the little airship to make it back to the fire nation. She’s lucky it's much faster than Appa, not sure how long she can stand traveling while her friend is in danger. She settles in, trying to get some rest while she has the time. “Don’t worry Zuko, we’re coming.” She whispers before falling into a light sleep.

Zuko barely feels himself being lifted off the ground and chained back into the standing position. He feels cum and likely blood trickling down his thighs, knowing he would have thrown up if he had anything in his stomach. He feels his betrothal necklace unclasped and removed from his neck and it feels like a weight has been lifted. It’s guilt. He realizes. ‘And you should feel guilty’. And he does. His legs shake under him, barely supporting his weight anymore, his face is crusted in tears and saliva, every part of him feels so disgusting. He wants to peel his skin off and boil himself until he is clean again. A small sob escapes his lips as his head spins. He can’t fully see where he is, he can’t fully remember how he got here or why. 

A rough hand grabs his face, forcing the bit of the muzzle in when his lips part. He tries to struggle for a moment but gives up almost instantly. His head drops in shame, defeat, and exhaustion when he hears the lock click. “Well damn, If I’d known he’d be this easy to break I would’a gone easier on him.” A voice says to his right, laughing. “Yeah, i’m sure you wouldn’t have fucked him raw.” Another once says in a sarcastic tone, like what they had just done was fucking up a small project and finding it funny, not tearing another human being apart. He hears laughter fading away, and he’s alone in the dark. Scared, cold, broken, confused, and in pain. None of this was going to end soon, and in this position, spread out where anyone could do anything they wanted to him, he could do absolutely nothing to retaliate or even protect himself. He wasn’t even in a position where he could kill himself, even if he was creative. So much of his life he had felt helpless, but he never knew but completely being at someone else’s mercy was like, until now. He wouldn’t wish this upon his worst enemy, not even on the men doing this to him. He was now truly helpless and there was nothing he could do. No one was coming for him. He knew it was only going to get worse from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, any feedback is helpful and welcome, even if it is just commentary. 
> 
> Also, no one can convince me that this isn't how Hakoda talks to his children once they become adults when he is being stubborn about something. It is how my dad talks to us and my brothers and we talk to each other much to my mom's dismay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys get to see Azula in this chapter, I hope you like how I have characterized her. I love Azula and she deserves better and should have a second chance.

Azula was sitting in the garden, she usually spent most over her days here. Ever since she had been deemed well enough to be given access to the courtyard she had taken advantage of that privilege. It was nice to be outside, feel the sun on her skin, examine the flowers and bugs that she found there, sitting in the cool grass, meditating. It made her feel more alive. As of now, she was holding a fire lily she had picked from the garden in one hand, and a fire lily she had made from flame in the other. She had come to like creating things with her bending, flowers and insects mostly. They were more complex than other things, and Zuko liked the flowers, they probably reminded him of mother, but she had never asked. They had been getting closer the past few years. He began to visit her every other wednesday at noon. If it was a nice day like today they would walk around the garden in the courtyard of the hospital, or they would just simply sit in it. On shitty days, they would sit in her room and talk there. Either way, he would always bring something good to eat, usually some kind of dessert, but sometimes something savory. He would split it and always give her the much bigger half. He usually wouldn’t finish his half, he would pull at the corner of it with his fingers and barely eat it, sometimes he wouldn’t even touch it. He always gave the rest to Azula before they parted ways. At first she had assumed it was a gesture of kindness, he was never good with words and it seemed like his kind of love language, silent and a token of his presence of something he knew she enjoyed. She still had no doubt that that was part of the reason why he was doing that, but it had begun to nag at her that that was not all of it. 

Every time he came to see her, he looked thinner. He had always been skinny...but she was beginning to worry. Eventually she had said something, waiting until a day they were in the privacy of her room, demanding to know what was wrong and if he wasn’t eating, wondering if he was sick. Part of her had expected him to tell her to fuck off and leave, and it seemed like he expected himself to do the same thing. What surprised her and seemed to surprise Zuko as well was he broke down in tears confessing that he didn’t know, he always felt sick and sometimes the thought of eating made him want to vomit. She didn’t remember how they got there but the next thing she knew she had wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close and Zuko had buried his face in her lap. He confessed that It had started a few years ago and he always expected it to go away but it only got worse to the point the only reason he ate one meal a day. He only ate that because he was with his friends, he would likely eat one every three days if he always ate alone, and what he did eat he couldn’t finish all of that. He said he slipped about half of his food onto Sokka’s plate (she knew he was the hungry one with the boomerang but now knew him by name) and could rarely finish what he left for himself. He confessed that he could feel himself getting weaker every day, he was always pushing himself to his limits mentally everyday and usually physically as well to burn off anxiety flooding him. He confessed that he was too humiliated to tell anyone about it, and that she was the only person that knew. He was so scared that he was going to expose himself to someone and best case scenario they simply wouldn’t be able to help him, and worst case scenario they would know he was weak. All of this scared Azula, she wasn’t sure if Zuko would survive this, she didn’t let her fear show, she had needed to hold Zuko together as he fell apart in her arms. 

That day, Zuko spent the time they had together silently curled up in her arms. She was thankful she had chosen a day they were in her room to say anything where they had privacy. She had never been good at comforting people but spent the better part of two hours rubbing his shoulders as he clutched his arms around her waist and buried his face in her lap. It was also the first time she had gotten a proper look at the necklace around his neck. She almost immediately recognized it as a water tribe betrothal necklace, but with a red ribbon opposed to blue. She examined the pendent, it was a poorly carved sun and moon. She smiled warmly at the thought of the annoying, sarcastic but wicked smart water tribe boy traveling with the Avatar who couldn’t draw for shit. Although she was annoyed that he hadn’t picked up on the fact that Zuko wasn’t eating when he was apparently with him and being fed Zuko’s food. 

“He better deserve you Zuzu.” She had said to him before he left that day after he pulled himself back together. She gently touched the necklace for clarification. “If he ever does anything, let me out of here and I’ll kick his ass.” She says with a small laugh pulling him into a hug. “Thank you.” He had whispered, a small relieved sob in his voice. This wasn’t just a thank you for playing the defensive sister role. She knew he was thanking her for accepting who he loved despite the society they grew up in. The next time he visited, they had been served something bland for lunch earlier. She had saved it for the next hour when Zuko visited. That day they had gone up to her room and he had slowly eaten it, she hoped it would help so that it didn’t taste like anything. As he ate it she had held him and rubbed his stomach slowly, whispering words of encouragement. They kept getting closer after that, this happened six months ago. Once she got released and a clean bill of help she was going to help him. The doctors had mentioned that she could go home soon several times and that she had made enormous progress. She was going to work on the meaningless paperwork that needed to be done, write general messages to ambassadors and the like, and take some of the work off of Zuko’s shoulders. She knew he wasn’t weak, but she knew he was near his breaking point. He was ending a war that raged 100 years, had people across the nations not trust him, had multiple attempts on his life, and was just trying to help his country. With all of this he had never gotten a chance to properly process anything their father had done to him. For a lot of people the war ending was a breath of fresh air. For zuko it was out of the frying pan and into the fire. He was an adult but he was still young, he was carrying so much for his nation and for himself and there is only so much one person could take. Finally with a clear head, Azula was able to see what years of unchecked mental health and forced to take on responsibilities beyond your years did to a person. She didn’t want to see Zuko fall apart like she had. 

“Azula?” A voice says from behind her, she turns her head to face the woman speaking to her. “You have visitors.” She says. Azula perks up, it wasn’t the day Zuko would visit, and it was visitors plural. It was Mai and Ty Lee. They didn’t have a regular schedule to visit, but they had been coming more often. They had started coming almost a year after Zuko did after he had convinced them she had gotten better. She was grateful they had given her a second chance because she had been pretty terrible to them. They had put their lives on hold to go on a crazy expedition with her and she thanked them by throwing them in prison when they wouldn’t follow her blindly. Ty Lee, of course, had been excited to welcome her back, running up and embracing her. Mai was understandably more standoffish. The second time they had visited, Ty Lee had told her that she and Mai were dating. By Mai’s expression they had obviously not discussed telling her. Azula had made sure to express that she was happy for them, and she really was, it was the expressing part that was difficult. A few visits later the three of them had started talking freely with each other, finding a new rhythm of friendship. She stands up ready to face them, but her face falls into that of confusion when she sees who it is. “Uncle? Fan girl? Toph? Water Tribe peasant? Avatar?” Technically she knew Water Tribe peasant’s name but was refusing to call him by it until Zuko agreed to introduce them. He didn’t talk about him to her much, but she could see in his face how much he loved him, and how happy he made him. She was hoping it would have annoyed him enough to do it by now but it hadn’t. She could have tried more effective methods but was sure that Zuko was still wary about exposing the man he loved, especially with what their father had ingrained in their heads. Was this a weird way of introducing them? Seemed pretty on brand for him, but something felt very very off. “Where’s Zuko?” She asks, tucking the fire lily behind her ear and letting the fire fire lily dissipate. “That's why we’re here.” Aang says, sounding drained and very unlike himself. There is a pressed silence for a while before Water Tribe peasant begins speaking. His hands shake though the entire story and he looks dead ahead at something past Azula. When he finishes, uncle hands her the ransom note. She reads it four times, the words burning into her memory and she still doesn’t believe it. “No.” She whispers, shaking her head, somehow keeping any tears from falling. “No.” She repeats as if that would bring Zuko back to safety. “This..he can’t..” She trails off, looking at the people in front of her, hoping it's some kind of fucked up test to see how she can react to real world shit like this. Yeah that’s what it is. Zuko is back in the palace, overrun with work, hating being the Fire Lord, snuggling with his stupid turtle ducks, and not eating his damn food. “We need your help.” Water Tribe peasant blurts out. “You're one of the strongest firebenders out there and don’t know who else to ask. Toph has said that you and Zuko have gotten really close and you might be wi-” 

“I’m in.” Azula interjects, tired of Water Tribe peasant’s rambling. ‘Is this really the one he wants?’ She wonders for a second before she starts to see her vision turning red and body tensing with anger. She could feel the fear in his voice as he spoke. This was really happening, it wasn’t a set up. Zuko was missing and he was in serious danger. “We’re getting Zuko. He’s going to be safe. We’ll get him back.” She growls, more to assure herself than to affirm her status as “pro-helping Zuko”. 

By nightfall, Azula has been removed from the hospital with no documentation of her leaving, smart to not let Ozai have any jump on what they are doing. She had fallen asleep as soon as they got back, emotionally and physically drained, wanting to get some rest before the shock wore off and it turned into fear. By morning, Azula is well rested, dressed in traveling clothes, a top knot up but the rest of her hair down, unlike her previous style, no need to draw attention to herself. As she walks out of the palace doors she can see the airship holding Water Tribe peasant’s family coming to break some skulls of the fuckers who took her brother.

When it lands she sees a tall, broad man about to walk down the ramp of the airship when Water Tribe peasant practically screams “No point in getting off, we’re going right the fuck now dad. No time to lose.” The man...Sokka’s father doesn’t seem upset at his son’s attitude or language, he just looks concerned, pulling him into a tight embrace which Water Tribe peasant reciprocates. Everyone quickly climbs onto the airship, wanting to get to the first stop as soon as possible.

Water Tribe peasant begins taking out maps and papers, laying them out for everyone to see. “Okay, our first stop is to the abandoned firebender prison to the far west of the Fire nation. If we don’t find Zuko there, we are going to immediately go to the old waterbender prison to the north of the Fire Nation. If we still don’t find him we are going to be gathering intail from villages on the outskirts of the Fire Nation, the smaller ones with less guards, but not so small it would be conspicuous for a group of men to come in every so often getting a large amount of supplies. 

Water Tribe peasant...she should probably call him Sokka...Sokka began explaining the plan in more detail. He certainly acted like an idiot a lot of the time, but he was a genius when he needed to be. He seemed dedicated to finding Zuko. It was very clear he loved him very much. It was clear that this man would be kind to Zuko. He would love and cherish him every day they were together. Azula had always been good at reading people, and even if Sokka never trusted her after everything she had done, she could trust him with her brother, if...no, when they found him. It was clear everyone here loved Zuko very much and they would travel to the ends of the earth to bring him home safely. It warmed her a little that Zuko had found good people who cared about him. He was always very soft growing up. He was emotional, vulnerable, and just wanted to be loved by a man who was incapable of anything but cruelty. Azula had always been strong, she should have protected Zuko all those years, but instead, she was one more person that made his life unbearable. She couldn’t make it up to him, but she could save him and love him now. She would burn their father alive. She would get revenge for how he had manipulated her from the day she set fire from her bedroom curtains, knowing she was a powerful bender at a few weeks old. She would avenge Zuko for their father making him feel worthless every day of his life, and coming back to rip any security he had built away from him. Ozai had his chance to live in prison, Azula was going to do what needed to be done and kill her father. 

After they finished briefing on the plan for this particular search, they still had about an hour and a half until they reached the prison. Sokka and fan girl stand next to each other against the wall, both looking terrible. Against better judgement Azula walks up to Sokka and without thinking says “So you’re the one fucking my brother who he’s head over heels for.” Sokka and fan girl look at her completely shocked, having no idea how to reply to that. “But seriously,” She continues. “He has a lot of trouble talking about his relationships, but he really loved you.” Sokka nods solemnly. “I hope you can give me the protective sister talk, threatening to kill me and all if I ever hurt him.” He says after a long pause, looking sadly at the ground. “We’re going to find him, I’m going to crush some skulls, and we’re gonna get him all healed up, and then I’m going to threaten your life.” She says, forcing a small smile onto her lips. Sokka nods again. “Speaking of the sister talk,” Suki says, a little more pulled together than Sokka. “Zuko, Sokka, and I are all kind of a thing. Well more both Zuko and I have a think with Sokka and then Zuko and I are friends...so please don’t kill Sokka if you think he’s cheating on Zuko with me while he isn’t here. If it’s anyone else then tell me and we can kick his ass together.” Suki says, obviously trying to lighten her own mood to not be drowning in anxiety. Azula nods, not fully understanding the concept, but if the three of them were happy and not hurting anyone then that was that. “Wait why does Zuko have a betrothal necklace if he isn’t with one person...and what is your actual name...feel like i should know it now.” Azula says with a small shrug. “Oh, its Suki, and Zuko has a betrothal necklace because the Fire Lord is expected to get married and I thought it would be funny to not only have Zuko be in a relationship with a Water Tribe peasant, but for it to be a man to piss off his nationalistic homophobic ancestors.”

Azula laughs a little, deciding she liked Suki a lot. ‘They’re good for Zuko’. She thinks. When they find Zuko, she’ll congratulate him on his relationships with these two. They’ll protect him, they’ll love him, they’ll make him feel safe. This is what he needs in his life. “We’re here!” She hears a low voice she doesn't recognize. Everyone going in grabs what they need and they move towards the prison, hoping that Zuko is there and that he can recover. 

“How are you feeling today, pet.” A voice says from behind him. Zuko flinches hard. ‘Don’t fucking touch me, get the fuck away from me, never fucking come near me again!’ He screams internally, wishing he could do anything to protect himself. He honestly couldn’t think of any position more vulnerable than the one he was in now, completely naked, arms and legs chained so they were spread and immobile, mouth forced open and filled with metal and then covered so it limited his breath. He just wanted this to be over, he didn’t care if that meant he was let go or killed. He just needed this to be over. “Don’t worry, we’re doing something different today, less fun I think, but still effective.” As he says this, fire erupts from the man who was speaking hands, followed soon after by two others. They brushed the fire over his exposed skin, grazing some areas, holding it in others. They hold fire to his stomach, to his upper back, to his right forearm, to his left inner thigh for so long his leg almost collapses from the pain. They tie strips of cloth to seemingly random parts of his, lighting it on fire, he can see the glee in their eyes as they watch him struggle in his bonds to get away from the element he once commanded, making small, desperate noises of fear and pain through the constraints of his muzzle, tears rolling down his cheeks, shaking harder with every second. 

He has no idea how long they do this, but eventually, they finally stop. He feels a strong hand grip his arms either side as he feels the cuffs being removed from his wrists. He begins shaking harder. ‘No, no! You promised not today! You promised it wasn’t going to be this!’ He cries to himself frantically, unable to speak. He hears cruel laughter behind him as he is lowered to the ground. “Not today unfortunately, sweetheart.” A man says, uncuffing his ankles before dragging him across the ground to a dark corner of the room. “Don’t you fucking move from that spot, he’ll know if you do. He’ll be in a moment.” One of the men says before kicking him sharply in the ribs.

Zuko had barely caught his breath when he felt a presence standing over him. “I knew you were weak but this is...pathetic.” His father says softly above him. “Kneel.” He says sternly. Zuko struggles off the ground into a kneeling position, trembling with fear and with pain. Ozai sits on the ground in front of him wrapping a blanket around Zuko’s shaking shoulders, engulfing his body in a layer of protection before pulling him into his lap. Still dazed, he sees Ozai reach behind Zuko’s head, hearing a small sound before he gingerly removes the muzzle from Zuko’s mouth, laying it on the ground. Zuko immediately clamps his mouth shut and buries his face in his father’s chest, feeling so safe and warm despite where he is. “I knew you would break fast, you always have been very...weak, fragile, pathetic.” Ozai says, shifting Zuko’s body so he was almost cradling him in his arms, pulling Zuko’s head into his neck, rocking him gently. “You broke so fast Zuko. You let them break you. You let them fuck you. You deserve this pain, you know that, right, son?” Ozai practically coos, gently rubbing the hair on the top of Zuko’s head. The week he had been here most of his hair had already become knotted. “I need an answer.” He whispers. Zuko nods, feeling fresh tears form in his eyes. “I-I’m So-sorry father. Sho-should ha-have been a be-be-bet-t-ter son.” He whimpers, gripping his fathers robes in his hands. 

“Good boy.” His father whispers, holding him a little closer to his chest. “You should have been a better son. Can I really blame you too much...it’s just how you were born. You were born a disappointment.” Ozai coos, raising Zuko’s head and kissing his temple. “You were born a failure.” He continues, gently running his hand on the small of Zuko’s back, avoiding the large burn. “You were born a disgrace.” Ozai says evenly, kissing the top of his head. Zuko wraps an arm around his father’s shoulder, tears pouring down his cheeks. The truth hurt...but if that was the price that had to be paid for love, he would pay it. A part of him remembers embraces, affection, actual love where people just loved him because they did vaguely, but so much of it has been replaced by bright colors and loud noise. When he thinks too hard about any one moment, his head starts pounding and he can feel claws scratching at him. He can’t fully see the faces of the people holding him in those memories anyways, and the names were beginning to become blurry. What he did know was this was the love he was going to be shown and there was no secret that there was going to be a price for it. “I let your mother talk me out of killing you as a child. Look where it got me. That was weakness, I should have killed you as a child, yes?” Ozai whispers. It feels like a needle through Zuko’s heart, but he nods, knowing it’s the truth. “Good, and you know you deserve pain?” He whispers in his ear. Zuko nods again.

Ozai removes his hand from Zuko’s head, pulling something out of his pocket, Zuko could smell it. Food. Was the only thing that now entered his mind. He didn’t know how long it had been since he had eaten, but he knew he was hungry. He hears his stomach growl loudly, whimpering from hunger. He knew food being so heavily on his mind reminded him of someone...the name wasn’t coming to him, but blue eyes were. He pushes the thought away looking at his fathers hand, he didn’t think he had ever been so hungry in his life. He is shaking, unable to look away, only thinking about how badly he needs to eat. “You know you don’t deserve love, and you don’t deserve food...but you do deserve pain.” His father says calmly as he pulls out a knife. “Earn it, one cut at a time, one of these earned.” He says, moving a weird looking bun in his hand. Is that what it was? It didn’t matter. All he knew was it was food and he needed it. 

Zuko takes the knife from his father, touching the tip to thigh, pausing for a moment before slicing through his flesh, a small whimper of pain on his lips, but he barely makes a sound as blood wells and spills from the cut. He doesn’t need more proof of how weak he is. “Now this is how a good son acts.” His father praises, kissing the back of his head. Zuko almost cries from the praise, it felt so good to hear something kind come from his father. Zuko feels the...weird bun?.. pressed into his hands and he immediately crams it into his mouth. He doesn't think he has ever had anything so good in his life. “Again.” Ozai commands. Zuko presses the knife to his stomach, pulling it across the flesh there. Ozai wraps his arms around Zuko again, kissing his head in several places. “Look at how good you are for me.” He whispers into his ear, handing him another bun. Zuko makes a cut in his upper arm, hearing more paise whispered. Zuko kept making cuts around his body, he didn’t care how much it hurt, how badly it made his body tremble, how his skin was becoming slick with his own blood. For every cut, he was fed, but more importantly, his father pressed more kisses to his head or face and whispered praise. It was worth bleeding to hear these words, feel his fathers strong hands gently touch him, rubbing his back and head so gently. He would cut himself until there was nothing left if this is what every cut earned him. This continued for over an hour, even after his father ran out of the buns he had brought his father still praises him for every cut he makes. After the buns run out, his praises seem more real, kisses pressed against him more intimately, to his lips, his neck, his chest, his thighs. He continues until his father takes the knife gently from him. 

After they finish, Ozai presses a flask to his lips. Zuko drinks it as fast as he can, so consumed by how hungry he was he forgot how thirsty he was, it was a little bitter, the tell tail sign that it had the same drug that he had been given previous times, but he didn't care, he needed water. “I-I love you, father.” Zuko whispers into his fathers neck. “How much do you love me?” His father asks, it was a prompt. “S-so much...I-I’d do anything y-you wanted.” he whispers, watching his fathers expression. He tentatively moves his hand down, awkwardly palming his father through his clothes, something about this whole situation seems seriously wrong...but he can’t place exactly what it is, he knows if his head were clear it would be obvious, but it wasn’t, and right now he wanted, no, he needed to show his father his devotion to him. He had failed him before, he couldn’t remember exactly how, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake now. “Well?” His father asks impatiently. Zuko nods, pulling down the pants under his fathers robes, taking him into his mouth. Everything feels wrong about this, during it he can barely breath, he can feel humiliation creeping into every part of his body, he can feel tears prick in his eyes, but all he can think about is earning his fathers love through pain and devotion, he would show him both today. He pulls away when he hears a satisfied groan from Ozai, he sits back on his knees, wiping his mouth. “I love you, father.” He whispers again. “You’re impossible to love.” Ozai replies, catching his breath, reaching over to Zuko and pulling him into his lab again, cradling Zuko closer to his chest. “You do know how to prove your love, I believe you.” He says, holding him for several long minutes before gently pushing him away. “Go back where you belong, I’ll chain you back up.” Ozai says calmly. Zuko stands on his shaky legs, and stands in the frame, holding his arms and legs at proper width. His father puts the chains back onto his arms and legs, securing him tightly. “Open your mouth.” He coos. Zuko obeys as Ozai fits the bit into his mouth and muzzle around his head. “You were so good for me today.” Ozai whispers before leaving the room. Warmth fills Zuko's chest with the praise given freely by his father. It lasts until the hallucinations start, pulled into bright colors and loud sounds, replacing more of his life before this with static.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, anyone tell me what you think of this  
> Also, I will reiterate again, FUCK OZAI. I hate that man a lot and I hope that all of you can agree.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually update really fast, but not usually this fast, I like writing the chapters more than I like editing them (I'm sure all of you have come across multiple gramatical errors but like, don't do the intense revisions i do like for papers, I read it through once or twice and get rid of anything that makes absolutely no since such as me writing a sentence while thinking about something else and end up writing something unrelated to the story). I just got excited and didn't wanna work on anything else after my chemistry exam and it was raining all day, like the cold painful rain, not the fun rain. So i did this and I hope you like it. 
> 
> Also I really like it when I hear what people think of this in the comments, it makes me really happy.
> 
> Also, for people worried about Zuko hang in there, remember one of the tags is hurt/comfort, we're gearing up to get angsty fire boy.

They hand found nothing at the firebender prison. Hakoda had hoped to never find himself at one again, but on their way he couldn’t wait to get there. He never thought he would be so disappointed to walk into one and be disappointed they didn’t find a captured man fighting for his life and freedom. Hokoda had watched Toph tear through the prison, literally, in frustration and desperation to find their friend. He had watched Azula somehow set fire to a room made entirely of metal. Despite all of the horror stories he had heard about this woman when she was a teenager were definitely not exaggerated and he made a strong mental note not to fuck with her, not that he was planing on getting on her bad side before this. It worried him to know that she had once been one of the people chasing his children around the world. She had been under her father’s control at that point, a deadly weapon working to please a tyrant. He didn’t want to imagine how dangerous she must have been then. Despite what her motives may have been in the past (even if it was clear there was some lack of self control and she wasn’t the most mentally stable person he had ever met) it was clear that right now she just wanted her brother back. It was clear she was genuinely going to help them and this wasn’t some long con form of escaping. She could have easily made a distraction and run for the hills long before they all grudgingly trudged back into the airship to head to the waterbender prison. 

Defeat hung heavily in the air of the ship as they sailed into the evening toward the Northern side of the nation. They would arrive before dawn, but wouldn't go looking until daybreak. They all needed the rest and they had agreed going at night would overall give the enemy the advantage. Despite the fact that firebenders were more powerful during the day, it was only by so much, and the enemy had had time to familiarize themselves with the territory, able to navigate it better in the dark than any of them...except Toph of course. They weren’t going to give those mother fuckers a fucking thing. His fist clenched in anger. He knew all of the horrible things Ozai had done to the world and the people around him. Despite seeing Zuko shrink away from him, watch him with worried eyes whenever he was close to Sokka or Katara, watched horror in his entire body when one of them made a mistake in front of him, he couldn’t imagine Ozai wanting his own son captured and tortured for his own gain. He couldn’t imagine trading Sokka or Katara’s wellbeing for anything that benefited him. He knew he was far from the perfect father...but he loved his children and would do anything he could to ensure their safety and happiness. He couldn’t imagine a father just looking at his children for military and political gain. 

Sokka sits down next to him, tears rolling down his cheeks, not caring if anyone saw anymore. This was something that was hurting everyone, they all knew each other, and they all loved Zuko, and it was breaking all of their hearts. He knew Sokka and Suki were suffering a lot, they felt guilty and the loss of someone that completed an important foundation in their lives. Hakoda wraps his arms around Sokka, and he leans into his embrace. “We’re going to find him, son, we’re not giving up, and we’re not giving Ozai back his bending. He’s going to be okay. Before you know it, Bato and I are going to be telling him embarrassing stories about you around a campfire.” He says, trying to lighten Sokka’s mood even a little, Tui and La know he needs it. He gets a small smile in return. “Come on dad, whenever i get hurt he tries to poke me with a fish hook to ‘try and make it better’, don’t give him anymore ammunition against me.” He whispers, wiping tears from his eye. “Was this after I told him the story about how you tried to get a fish hook out with another fish hook?” Hakoda asks, smiling a little. Sokka nods. “I fell out of a tree and got attacked by the turtle ducks and was trying to get splinters out of my arm. Zuko said he had something that might help me feel better and remind me of home. I was thinking he had a stash of seal jerky for me and that would have made me feel better, but nooo, he chased me around the courtyard with a water tribe style fish hook, yelling that he could get the splinters out. I still don’t know why he has a fish hook from the water tribe in the first place or why had on him, like he had it in his pocket in a little box, who the fuck does that to begin with? On top of that we were in the Fire Nation capital with no intention of going fishing.” Sokka says more confidently than he had spoken since Zuko was taken. Hakoda chuckles softly. “Was it made of a coppery looking medal with some blue string near the base?” He asks. Sokka shrugs. “I don’t know, i just had time to see the shape of it when he first pulled it off and recognized it, Fire Nation fishing hooks look stupid before he tried to harm me. Wait, why do you even know what weapon he used to attack me with.” Sokka jokes, a more genuine smile forming. Hakoda shrugs. “I made it for him at the Western Air temple. Me, him and Toph went on a small fishing trip together after I had talked to Zuko and convinced him I wasn’t gonna hurt him or you and Katara. I wanted to spend some time around him to get him more used to my presence in a calmer environment with someone who is down with murder to protect him if I did ty anything.” Hakoda says sadly, remembering how much it hurt to know how scared Zuko was of him and what must have been done to him to engrane the thought that all fathers and leaders are cruel to make their children and soldiers stronger into his head. Hakoda being both had sent Zuko into a panic every time he saw him, more so when he was alone with him or anywhere near Sokka or Katara, no matter how well he concealed it. 

“He keeps the oddest things to remind him of people.” Sokka comments, chuckling a little. “He kept his uncle’s smelly fucking sandle when following us to the air temple.” Hakoda raises an eyebrow. “He’s an odd one, but he’ll fit right into the family in that sense.” Sokka nods. “I love him so much. We have to find him.” Hakoda pulls Sokka a little closer. “We will,” Hakoda reassures him. “I know he doesn't talk to you much, he’s always been quiet, but he really likes you. You made a really good impression on him at the air temple. His uncle had always been considered oddly friendly by everyone he met, and he thought that Iroh was the exception to leaders, fathers, and a lot of men in general of being cruel. You really helped him trust a lot of people, I hope you know that dad, he really looks up to you.” Hakoda feels himself smile, overjoyed that he was able to help even a little the sacred fire bender learn to trust again, to learn not everyone wanted to hurt him, to learn that he didn’t need to show respect by allowing others to harm him.

“Get some sleep, you’ll be more helpful to him well rested.” He says eventually. Sokka nods solemnly, standing up and moving towards an area he could sleep. Hakoda gets up to do the same, watching a few others have the same idea. `We can’t take on 12 firebenders exhausted. We have to win. We can’t lose Zuko. He needs to be okay. The world can’t keep breaking him like this.’ Were his last thoughts before drifting off to sleep.

Kya had been born in the Southern Water Tribe, she had lived there almost all of her life, never having strayed more than a few miles from the village she was born in. She had married at a relatively young age, but it’s not like there were an abundance of choices and it was unlikely she would marry the wrong man. Hakoda was kind, gentle as he was strong, handsome, and she loved him, although she swore he didn’t mature past the age 13 (especially when he was with his closest friend, Bato) which she grew to find endearing. She had become a mother before the age of 30. So much joy had filled her when she held the little boy in her arms who looked so much like his father. As much joy had filled her with the little girl. She loved her daughter so much, but fear had filled her when she first broke off a sheet of ice by the shore in a fit of anger. One day, her worst fears came true and the Fire Nation came for her baby girl. Luckily they didn’t know who the waterbender was and believed it was Kya who had never received formal training due to all of the waterbenders being taken before she could learn from them. 

She had been brought to the Fire Nation as a prisoner. She was put into a waterbender prison, the only prisoner there, left with young guards who clearly wanted nothing to do with this war, but were forced to take part for one reason or another. She considered herself lucky, these boys had no interest in cruelty, they didn’t even want to be here, they wanted to go home. The youngest was 16, the oldest was 19, there were five of them. They quickly discovered that she wasn’t a water bender as she never took advantage of any opportunity to bend water at them. Soon after they let her out of her cell, she knew they hated to see her in there, they had good hearts no matter where they were from. She lied and said that there were no waterbenders in her tribe, but she knew that the fire nation wouldn’t leave until they had one, so she confessed to get them to leave her people alone. They had believed her, they had no reason not to, and she would give them none, they might slip up or change with time, revealing there was a real waterbender in the south pole. Her little girl who she would never see again.

She missed her own children dearly and these boys were just scared and wanted their own mothers, they weren’t cruel like many of the soldiers of the Fire Nation, so she had ended up taking them under her wing. She taught them how to hunt and how to cook. She taught them how to sharpen rocks into arrowheads and fashion them onto sticks and throw them properly. She taught them how to properly mend their clothes once she got annoyed with sewing for six, and there was value in being able to do it yourself. Two of the boys knew how to farm, and they set up a small scale farm of delicious fruits and vegetables. One of the boys knew how to live off the land, he had taught the rest of them about mushrooms, nuts, and berries they could find in the surrounding area. That same boy knew about a hallucinogenic mushroom in the area and had brewed it into a tea. The six of them had drank it and entered the spirit world...maybe...they could have just been really high and still in their world. 

No one had come to check on them, just letters were sent every so often to see how things were doing. Eventually there was a letter sent for her public execution as the last water bender of the southern water tribe. They had all panicked, and the oldest responded that Kya had grown very ill and they weren’t sure if she would survive, and if transported she would certainly die. It was sent back that if she died from her illness for her body to be burned so she couldn’t have a proper water tribe burial. They claimed this had been done. They all knew that it was only a matter of time before they would be called back to the main part of the country. Kya had promised to not leave the prison. If she left, she would likely be captured before she could even reach the border, let alone home. Also, she would be incriminating these men she had lived with and grown to love dearly over the past eight years. 

A few weeks later the order for their return came, and she watched her family disappear for the second time in her life, but this time being left behind opposed to being dragged away. She wasn’t sure which hurt more. 

She remained there true to her word. She had long since wore exclusively a fire nation guard uniform so no one would question her presence. If a traveler in need of rest and treatment walked by, she would heal them, make them something to eat, and let them rest. They would move on a few days later, never quite sure why the guard house outside of the waterbender prison was so hospitable. She had heard word that the war was over, but didn’t quite believe it. She couldn’t bring herself to go into a town and be imprisoned. She couldn’t believe the Avatar was alive. She couldn’t believe the son of the Fire Lord Ozai had an ounce of good in his body and would end the war. 

She remained living like this up until the day that the airship landed in the night by the prison. No one left the ship, it just sat there. She remained in the guard house and waited. She wasn’t sure what to expect. She considered running, but the only exit that wouldn’t lead to walls was very close to the airship. So she made sure she was dressed and armed as a guard and waited. When the sun began to rise, filling the scene with a light gray light, the door opened. She expected fire nation guards, fire nation citizens, maybe even prisoners, no matter how unlikely that would be. What she didn't expect was to see only one person dressed in fire nation attire, one in earth kingdom, one dressed in what appeared to be metal, one in some weird monks’ robes, and four dressed in water tribe attire. They stood at the base of the stairs? Ramp? For a while, seeming to be assessing the situation before walking towards the entrance. The only way they could get in was past the guard house. They would be so close to her, they may be able to see her. 

She hadn’t seen anyone from her tribe in so long. Kya had carefully pushed away the feelings of longing for her home. There was no way that she could safely get there without endangering her family or herself. She would need someone to take her to the Southern Water Tribe, she didn’t know how to sail. She of course knew the basics for fishing, but that was around the shores of her home, not the open seas. She didn’t know how to navigate by stars and she didn’t know how to swim if she were to fall overboard. Her only option would be to get someone to take her to the South Pole, someone who might want to hurt her tribe. The only way to keep herself from doing anything she could to get back to her babies, endangering them in the process, was to hide all of her love for her husband and children from herself so it wouldn’t call her home. She was separated from them, but they were safe. Katara was safe, the Fire Nation thought they had the last water bender. They should be safe from her. But people from her culture, her home, even if they were from the north, were too tempting to resist. All of the loss she felt for her home, her friends, her family, her culture came rushing back to her. Before she even knew what she was doing she had her hand on the door and was pulling it towards her, opening the door.

The odd group of people were almost to the guard house when she stepped out, looking at them. It was odd to see people from different nations all together after everything that had happened. The man in the monks’ robes was bald and covered in tattoos. ‘Air bender tattoos’. She thinks, if her memory served her correctly. His hand is intertwined with that of the water tribe woman. Something about her seemed so familiar, she knew this woman, she knew her very well, but she couldn’t place how or where. The distraught looking water tribe man (clearly the youngest of the three men) had the similar effect on her. She then looked at the two older water tribe men, and it all clicked in her head. Years of repressed memories flooded into her all at once, tears welling in her eyes. She doesn't care about the fact that she is dressed as a fire nation guard in the middle of a global war, it’s been so long since she has seen any of them. Kya sprints towards them, flinging herself into her husband’s arms. 

Kya feels herself being roughly shoved away, hands around her biceps, holding her at arms length but not releasing her. “Who the fuck are you?” Hakoda asks sternly “What’s going on? Are you some distraction? He’s here isn’t he?” She can hear anger and fear in his otherwise calm voice. Hakoda had always been good at diplomacy when the situation called for it, and evidently this was one of those times. Logically, she knows he shouldn’t expect him to recognize her. She figured her tribe thought that she was dead upon departure. No one had seen her in...how long had it been? She had no need to keep the date...10 years? Maybe more? Over a decade of not seeing her. She is now dressed as a fire nation guard on the other side of the world when she is supposed to be dead. She knows she shouldn’t expect to be recognized, even by her family, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. “Do you not recognize me, Hakoda?” She asks, giving him a warm teary smile. “Any of you? Bato? Katara? Sokka?” She asks, turning to each of them as she says their name, they feel so familiar but so forign on her tongue. There is a long silence which is finally broken by Hakoda whispering one word like he didn’t dare believe it: “Kya?” 

She nods as she feels herself pulled into her arms, a duo of “mom?” as she feels herself embraced by her husband, her children, and Bato. After what feels like an eternity and a few seconds at the same time, they all pull away. “Have you been here this whole time I tho-” Hakoda is cut up by the woman in metal stomping her foot, the ground shaking. ‘An Earth bender’ She thinks, a smile on her lips. “I don’t mean to interrupt this moment but can we go searching the prison? Now. There will be plenty of time to catch up on the airship, a few hours next to 13 years is nothing. Sparky can’t wait. They’re hurting him!” Her family reluctantly pulls away, except Sokka, when he pulls away he seems to be snapped back into focus. “Mom, how aware are you of everything going on at this prison?” he asks desperately. “Very, I don’t have much else to do.” She replies, confused. “Have you seen a group of firebenders take a man about my age here? He’s Fire Nation as well, long black hair, large scar over his left eye, pale and skinny.” He gives a brief description of him, panic in his eyes. “No.” She replies, taking his shoulder. “You guys are the first people I've seen here in almost a year.” He nods solemnly. “Are you coming with us? Please come with us mom, we can be a family again.” Katara asks hopefully. “The war…” Kya begins, not sure of much right now. “Will it be safe for us to leave? You can stay here with me.”

“The war is over.” The fire nation woman says, looking at her in the face for the first time. “It’s safe for you to leave. If you're coming, pack your shit, I can’t take just your word on my brother not being here. I’m going to go look for him.” She says sharply before sprinting into the prison followed by everyone but Hakoda who followed her into the guard house, beginning to help her pack up the life she had lived here for 13 years...it had been so long. Putting an actual number to it made it feel so much longer.

“Who are you looking for?” She asks, curiosity getting the better of him. “Fire Lord Zuko...he was captured over a week ago. Ozai was freed from prison that same night by his supporters.” He replies matter-of-factly. “Wait why are you looking for the Fire Lord...shouldn’t we be glad he’s gone?” She asks, deeply confused. She watches Hakoda pause for a long moment before speaking. “This is to make a very long and complicated story short, but the man in the robes and tattoos, that's Aang, he’s the avatar...and he’s also likely going to be our son in law, he and Katara went through a lot together when ending the war and a romance bloomed between them...it’s not relative to the situation but you should know who your daughter is in a serious relationship with. The man we’re looking for, Zuko, is Ozai’s son. Ozai burned and banished him, sending him to capture Aang and so he kinda chased our kids around the world for a few months, but then he joined them, helped Sokka break Suki and I out of the strongest Fire Nation prison there is...oh and they met Toph, the earth bender, at a earth bender fighting ring...she was fighting adults at 12 and blind and they met Suki, the other earth kingdom girl when she and her warriors attacked Aang and the kids. The war ended when Aang took away Ozai’s bending and Zuko was made Fire Lord. Also the fire nation woman is Azula, the Fire Princess, but she’s calmed down, got some serious help and just wants to find her brother. We got a letter from Ozai saying if we didn’t give him back his bending he would kill Zuko and is hurting him every day that we wait.” He says quickly, continuing to pack Kya’s things. 

Kya is silent for a long moment. “Well, thats a lot to unpack.” She comments, trying to wrap her head around all of that information. “So the war is over...the Fire Nation stopped?” She asks, releaf flooding her body. Hakoda nods, smiling at her. “It’s taken so much from us, I am so happy that you’re alive, Kya.” He whispers, smiling at her. Kya leans forward, kissing his cheek, he looks at her awkwardly before continuing to pack. “Our little Katara has grown up so much, she’s dating the Avatar...and did she ever get to work on her bending?” she asks hopefully. “Yes, she’s actually a waterbending master, has mastered the art of healing, and can do something called bloodbending. I’ve never seen her use it, she hasn’t since the war ended, but it's where you can control someone else’s body. Using the water in their blood” He says proudly, beaming at the success their daughter had grown into...even if that last thing was a little unsettling. But it sounded like she didn’t use this to manipulate people...just end a war. She wanted to ask so many little questions, but there would be plenty of time to catch up...they were only going to give her as much time as it took for them to look for the fucking Fire Lord to pack th last 13 years of her life, 13 years that she had become a different person than the one who was taken. 13 years she knew her family had to become different people as well. 

“Is Sokka dating anyone?” Kya settled on asking, it was a relatively simple question and she was already so overwhelmed with information she didn’t want to ask anything too pressing yet, needing so settle. She already knew about Katara, she should know that much about both of her children. Hakoda nods. “He’s seeing two people, actually, he’s popular.” Hakoda must have seen her look of concern and bewilderment. “Nononono, not like that. He isn’t cheating on anyone, all three of them are in a relationship of sorts...I don’t know all of the details. I just know they make each other happy, and it seems like they’re all good for each other. You can meet one of them on the airship. She’s the woman in the green dress, her name is Suki.” Kya smiles, a little confused, but happy that her son was loved. “Who’s the other one?” She asks. Hakoda doesn’t meet her eyes and doesn’t answer. “Hakoda!” she yells playfully, hitting his arm. “Tell me, I want to know.” He bites his lower lip as he picks up some of her bags and begins walking towards the door, she follows closely behind as they make their way to the airship, staying silent the whole time.

Once they set her bags down he turns to her. “So you’re not gonna like it, I don’t think. I am going to tell you two things you aren’t going to like very much.” Kya looks at him, concerned. She didn’t know any of Sokka’s friends he had made around the world, let alone who he could be dating. Was it someone much older? Much younger? If he was also dating Aang she would go out and end the avatar cycle right there and then on the grounds that it's weird and kinda creepy to be dating two siblings. She hears Hakoda take a deep breath before talking again. “So first off, I thought you were dead and Bato got injured in the war and when we got him back we kinda sorta became more than close friends, by that I mean we’ve been together, like together together, and the thing you are going to like much less than that is that the other person that Sokka is dating is Fire Lord Zuko...and they are engaged...because Suki thought it would be funny. So one of our sons in law is likely going to be the Avatar and the other is going to be the Fire Lord.” Hakoda says quickly, putting her bags in the airship. Kya just looks at him, too shocked to say anything. “Surprise.” He says awkwardly. “Also please don’t give Sokka a hard time about dating the Fire Lord...he’s barely holding it together right now, he’s so scared Zuko is going to die or be unrecognizable when we find him. Please Kya.” He whispers, glancing out the door. Kya follows his gaze, seeing the group moving back towards the airship, heads hanging low. 

She nods. “I won’t say anything to him until we find him, but why would you let him date the enemy?” She was upset that Hakoda had just stood idly by while the Fire Nation took his son. “Why didn’t you stop him? You can’t seriously be letting them get fucking married. I understand that you might not want him to meet a gruesome end, but letting him marry our son...I don’t trust him. I don’t trust anyone from the royal family. What is that man hurts him? You know the family he comes from, what's to stop him from turning out like them?” She asks, concern growing in her. She knew she had been gone for much of her childrens’ lives, but she could still worry, she still didn’t trust anyone who came from that family, no matter what Zuko may have done to make her family think he was good. “I was worried about the same thing. I was planning on grilling him for several hours, asking him why he thought he was good enough for my son and asked if he would do right by him and a few minutes in he completely broke down doubting everything about himself, apologizing to me for even thinking he was good enough for Sokka and promised he would leave us alone if he could just spend a little more time with him and say goodbye. I had to spend the next several days convincing him not to break up with Sokka. He really did believe he didn’t deserve him and he thought that I was threatening him. Trust me, Ozai’s cruelty was not exclusively reserved for the other nations. Luckily he’s gotten better the last few years, I think he understands he’s family now and it’ll just be official when they get married.” Kya swallows thickly at the implications of the previous Fire Lord’s cruelty. “I trust you...I just don’t trust him. If you find him I can see for myself if he treats Sokka right.” She finally whispers. Hakoda pulls her into a hug. “Also I’m happy you’ve had someone, Bato’s a good man and where he’s a complete idiot half the time, much like yourself, I’m happy you two have each other.” She still didn’t like the idea of Sokka dating the the fucking Fire Lord...it was really weird to think about… but she wasn’t going to say anything about it. Her son was mourning and scared, he needed to be supported, not torn down. She hadn’t been away from her family long enough to forget that.

“No Ty Lee, I am not letting you braid my hair.” Mai says sternly as she hands her a plate of food. Ty Lee pops a berry in her mouth, smiling as the sweetness fills her mouth. “But I’ve been wounded in battle Mai! I could have been killed!” She says in her ecstatic voice, pointing to the bandages wrapped around her head. Mai sighs, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, but you weren't. You’re a bad bitch, they can’t kill you. Anyways, Katara will be here relatively soon and can fully heal you.” She says promptly, sitting across from Ty Lee in the bed, facing her. “Oh but Mai, the pain, it's so intense, I think the only thing that could ever sooth it is your lustoros hair in my hands.” She says dramatically, pretending to grasp at her head in pain. “Mai...I...don’t think...I’m gonna make it..your hair..I need...” She trails off into a fake coughing fit. “You’re not sick and you're not dying, calm down drama queen.”

Ty Lee pouts. “Fine, but can you do that thing that makes me happy then.” Mai sighs a little before giving her a small warm smile and leaning forwards, kissing her gently on the cheek. Ty Lee blushed, quickly wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. “See, look how much pinker my aura is already!” She says cheerfully. “Mmhm.” Mai replies. Ty Lee takes Mai’s hand, hoping her antics had been taking Mai’s mind off of Zuko and what might be happening to him, or already happened. Mai never showed much emotion, but she didn’t hide how distraught she was when not only had her best friend be abducted by people wanting to hurt him, but that her girlfriend had received a heavy blow to the head. Luckily they quickly learned it was benign and she just had a mild concussion and she should be back to top condition in three weeks. With some rest and some help from a talented water bender at the tail end, it would be shortened to a week and a half. Unfortunately, that didn’t fix Zuko’s situation. 

Ty Lee was ready to kill. She had never really hated anyone in her life, there were people she didn’t agree with, didn’t like, but she had never hated anyone. Well, up until now. Ozai and everyone who took Zuko, she hates. Hate bubbled in her stomach and was rising to her chest. She tried to ignore it for now, knowing she would have an outlet on this source soon enough. She had seen the letter, Ozai had sounded so proud that he was having people torture his own son. She knew that he wasn’t exaggerating when Zuko would only barely be kept alive for one year. Ozai wasn’t the kind to make empty threats. She would kill them, they would get Zuko back even if she couldn’t stand the site of what he had become. She knew he was facing a fate worse than death as they spoke and all she could do was lay in bed and eat berries with her girlfriend. 

It was really cute how awkward Zuko had been about setting her and Mai up. He really had just wanted Mai to be happy, he really did love her, even if it wasn’t the way he loved Sokka, or the way Ty Lee loved Mai. He still loved her and wanted the best for her. It had been an awkward two months of planning the perfect date for the two of them that wasn’t so overly romantic that Mai wouldn’t like it, but was still romantic enough to make her blush. They had settled on a picnic in the middle of a field of fire lilies during a perfect day in the few weeks they were in bloom. It really was romantic and Mai was blushing most of the time through it which was really cute and had made her so happy. The end of that date had been when they had awkwardly shared their first kiss. She thought about that date often.

Now, Zuko was gone, receiving a punishment he didn’t deserve. All of her dreams were filled with him scared and alone, covered in his own blood, begging, screaming for someone to help him, but no one coming. She didn’t always see something in these dreams, when they did they were mostly the same, Zuko curled up in a dark cell, terrified and in pain, but she could always hear him. Sometimes he would be screaming for someone in particular, other times for anyone to help him, and sometimes he just sobbed and screamed endlessly. The worst ones were where he was barely whimpering, too exhausted to cry, giving up that anyone would save him and she could feel his heart shattering. It broke her heart over and over again. She was going to kill the people who were doing this to him, they were going to pay, and she was going to make sure Zuko was safe and no one laid a finger on him ever again. 

“We’re going to find him.” Mai says as if reading where her mind had wandered off to. So much for taking Mai’s mind off Zuko, but at least she was optimistic. “No one is ever going to touch him again.” Ty Lee answers. She snuggles into Mai’s side, smiling. “I love you.” She says cheerfully, her mood already improving as she kisses Mai’s cheek. “You’re ridiculous.” Mai grumbles as she pulls Ty Lee closer and she knows Mai means that she loves her too. They stay like that for a while talking to each other softly, Ty Lee tries to play with Mai’s hair a few times and she retaliates by poking her in the side to deter her. Neither of them know how long this lasts until Katara runs into their room, a look of relief oh her face. 

“You found him?” Mai asks desperately, Ty Lee can see a hopeful smile form on her face. Katara shakes her head, but doesn’t drop the smile, it isn’t mocking, she doesn't seem to be able to drop it. “Then why are you fucking smiling?” Mai snaps, Ty Lee knows that it’s because she is stressed and scared not due to any ill will, but she still feels some annoyance at her girlfriend’s behavior. Katara seems to understand that as well as she doesn’t turn this into a fight. “I’m sorry Mai.” She says as she pulls out a flask of water, pouring it into her hands and resting the glowing water against Ty Lee’s head. She immediately begins to feel better, her thoughts become clearer and her vision sharper. “We found someone else at the waterbender prison, my mother. We haven’t been able to talk much as there is so much to cover and so much time lost, and I feel like it's a sign of good luck. I feel more confident that we’re going to find Zuko.” She says confidently, like she believes it, not like she is trying to convince them or even herself. “Also, Ty Lee, you’re making a fast recovery. I’ll give you another healing session tonight and another in the morning and you should be back to normal.” Ty Lee nods. “That’s great for your family, that really is, but that doesn’t help Zuko. He needs us right now! He needed us the night he was abducted! He can’t wait!” Mai cries, getting louder with every sentence. This is the most emotional Ty Lee has ever seen Mai in her entire life. She was terrified at what they were going to find when they finally got Zuko back. “I want him back too Mai! He’s my friend too. I know how close you two are. Do you think I want to see my brother walking around looking half dead? He’s the one who’s always yelling at me about something stupid, or exceited about food or shopping, or anything in general and now he just sits in his room, working an anything he can come up with to find Zuko or actively looking for him. He’s barely sleeping and I have to remind him to eat when I used to have to beat him off the food...I’m sorry, I know we’re all upset...it's just hard.” Ty Lee watches a tear roll down Katara’s cheek, she didn’t know what was going to happen to them if they didn’t find him. She didn’t know what was going to happen to the Fire Nation if they didn’t find him. All she knew is that had to, she was willing to go to the ends of the earth for him, her friends needed him, her country needed him, and Zuko needed them, now. He couldn’t wait, and she hated that he had to, they didn’t know where he was, that they might find nothing but the empty husk of a man when they get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while editing this that the two relationships that Hakoda thought that Kya wouldn't like were both homosexual, that was a coincidence, he didn't think that Kya was homophobic it was situational. He didn't think she would like that he and Bato were together not because they were both men but because she had just found her husband after 13 years and was finding out he has moved on. Even though it is valid and completely reasonable for Hakoda to assume that Kya is dead and therefore it isn't cheating, and he had a respectable period of mourning his wife's "death" before moving on and dating someone else is completely reasonable and valid because he deserves to be happy. It is also valid for Kya to have just been reunited with her husband after 13 years and find out that he loves someone else to be sad, even if she was genuinely happy that Hakoda hadn't been sad for 13 years missing her, being replaced never feels good even if you agree and understand why.
> 
> The reasons Hakoda assumed that Kya wouldn't be happy with Sokka dating Zuko I hope I made clear because she never got to see Zuko grow, she just sees him as the enemy who took her away from her family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i've avoided Zuko for two chapters but next one is exclusively him so...worry. I also just about have that chapter ready, but it is the last chapter that I have written so far and I will actually need to write more bois after the next one before posting it. I'll see if i should post it sooner rather than later because i know these last two chapters haven't been as good but I really like this one.

Sokka slowly walks into the room his mom is staying in for now. It was decided that they would come back to the palace and head back out when Ty Lee was on her feet. She was one of their strongest fighters, was good at talking to people and even better at taking them down from an unnecessary fight. Their next option was to start searching villages, gathering any information on Zuko, anything that they could find. They needed to find him, Sokka needed him back. He needed to hold him, to tell him that it was okay, to promise to never leave his side again. 

He needed a distraction from Zuko. He needed to stop seeing the betrayal in Zuko’s eyes every time he pictured him at the fact that Suki and Sokka were supposed to be with him. Ty Lee had been guarding the door alone. She was strong, she was capable, but she was only one person and was likely taken by siege and surprise. If Suki were there, they could have more easily fought the invaders off. Sokka was supposed to be in bed with Zuko. He was supposed to be holding his skinny, but surprisingly sturdy body to his chest, warding off the nightmares that plagued him. It broke his heart at how much fear had been driven into Zuko’s head. How much he had suffered in his short life. His whimpers from nightmares almost always stopped when Sokka pulled him closer, running his fingers through his long, silky hair, gently rubbing his back or stomach to sooth him, peppering his pale face with chaste kisses. If he were there, he could have been another line of defense for Zuko. If he were there, Zuko may be in bed right now, recovering from injuries but overall safe. If Sokka were there, the palace wouldn’t be swallowed in sick horror, all wondering what was happening to Zuko.

“Sokka!” He hears his mother say as she sees him come into the room, bringing him back into focus. She rushes over, embracing him. The last time she had hugged him, he hadn’t come up to her waist. Now her head came up to his shoulders. It had been so long since he’d seen his mother, she had missed so much of his life, and she might never get to meet one of the people who had shaped him into who he was today. Zuko made his and Suki’s relationship complete. There seemed to be a missing piece when they were dating, no matter how much they loved each other. Zuko was it, they both loved him so much in their own way. He didn’t know what would happen to them if they didn’t find Zuko. Not just in a romantic way, the guilt of leaving him to be killed so horrifically might eat them alive. With everything going on, his mother somehow alive and Zuko gone, it's all just too much and he breaks down crying in his mothers arms. 

He vaguely feels himself being led to the bed and sat down, his mom hugging him tighter, humming gently, rubbing his back. “It’s okay love, I’ve got you, i’ve got you.” She says gently. She held him until Sokka cried himself out. “Mom?” he asks hoarsely. “Yes sweetie?” she replies, pulling his head into her lab as he sinks onto the bed, pulling his hair out of his wolf tail and running her fingers through his hair. “Can you talk to me? Tell me about the past 13 years?” He asks desperately, needing a distraction, ideally a crazy one with a happy ending, like his mom’s. His mom seems to understand his need as she begins to speak in his soothing voice.

“Well, I was taken captive by the Fire Nation soldiers and I was brought directly to the Fire Nation. I was put in the prison you found me in as the only prisoner. It was about a mark of pride of having the last Southern Water Tribe water bender captive. When the soldiers transporting me taunted me and asked me why I hadn’t attacked them with water bending, I told them that because all of the water benders had been taken before I could learn, there was very little I could do. They believed me. Because they saw me as a prize and not a threat, they put five young soldiers as my guards at the prison. They had all been drafted. They were all so young. Within the first week they realized I wasn’t a water bender, well Lu Kim figured out I wasn’t a water bender, he was the oldest at just 19. He said he knew I wasn’t connecting with the full moon as he did with the sun at noon, as you can probably tell, he was a fire bender, two of them were benders. Within two weeks they had let me out of the cage I was being kept in, they were sure that higher ranking officials weren’t going to check on us as I was just a prize that was won. They just liked knowing they had me. They really didn’t like the idea of seeing me in a cage, and we all came to the understanding that running would only result in recapture and a worst fate.”

“I hated them for the first week they let me out. Even though they weren’t cruel, that didn’t mean I had to be nice. Their country had taken me from my family and I wasn’t going to forget that. My attitude changed as I soon realized that their country had taken them from their families as well. The youngest was named Kuzon, he was drafted as a punishment to his father who had spoken out against an officer for taking advantage of the poorer citizens and abusing their power. Most nights he would cry for his mother, and one night when all I could hear was you crying out to me in his voice, I just held him through the night.” 

“After that I began to get closer with them. They were stuck eating the same food they were supposed to feed prisoners, as this wasn’t a large operation, so I taught them how to hunt, because prison food is disgusting. It was winter when I was first there, so the growing season was over. I spent that time teaching them how to make arrowheads. It was an equal mix of irritating and amusing, showing them how to find the proper stones and then sharpen them into a sharp, even point. It wasn’t as difficult to teach them how to fashion it to a stick properly, but it was a whole other issue teaching them how to throw them properly. Before our first small hunting trip was when they gave me my Fire Nation uniform so it wouldn’t raise questions, even in the unlikely event, if we ran into someone who wondered why they were bringing a prisoner on a hunting trip. Can you imagine trying to explain that to someone?” She asks, Sokka lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head gently, feeling his mom’s lips press against his forehead before continuing.

“None of them had any idea how to skin or preserve an animal, but Lu Kim was very helpful in getting a fire started. That night we roasted parts over the fire and told stories to each other. It was the first time I had felt happy since I was taken from home. When spring came, Lee and Hyron, who were both 18, wanted to start a garden. They were both raised on farms and knew how to do so properly. As you’re well aware...we don’t really farm in the South Pole, for obvious reasons, so this was new to me. They taught us how to plow the land with hand made tools, how and when to plant the seeds, how to tend to the plants, how to harvest them...but then they had no idea how to cook them. We figured that out together. We made a bunch of soups over the fire.”

“Shyu was the other fire bender of the group, he was also 18, drafted the day he came of age. He knew how to forage. He taught us how to find edible nuts, berries, fungus, shoots, all sorts of things in the woods. He did also know about a hallucinogenic mushroom that grew in the area, but it took us years to find any, and even that wasn’t much so we made it into a tea to make it stronger and go further. He also had no idea how to cook them because he usually just ate them raw in the woods with his brothers. Those were also mostly in soups.” Sokka shifts his head a little in surprise, sniffing a little. “Wait, mom, you did drugs? While we thought you were dead you were out tripping balls with fire nation soldiers? You did drugs without me?” He asks, chuckling softly, thinking about the cactus juice. He hears mom laugh, rubbing his shoulder. “Yeah...I guess I was. Well Sokka, as an adult you’re allowed to make bad decisions, so if you want, we can have the traditional ceremony of a mother and son just getting really high together for no apparent reason.” Sokka giggles a little, he wonders if his mom had always had a sarcastic sense of humor and he got some of his from her, or if she had picked it up. There was so much he didn’t know about her, he was too young to remember a lot. He looks at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue, and she eventually does.

“Where they were soldiers, they were also boys and were clumsy and crazy, and I quickly got sick of sewing for six people. I taught them how to sew, much to their annoyance, but they all learned. Most of the time we would be sitting around the fire, eating food and sewing our clothes. All of these boys were so kind, they all just wanted their nation to be better and to go home to their families. They never wanted to hurt me. They never wanted to be in a war.”

“Eventually, a letter came demanding me to be brought to the capital city to be executed. After much discussion they replied that I had fallen gravely ill and that I may die in prison but if i were moved i would definitely die. The reply came telling them they were told to bring me to the capital city if I recovered, and if I didn't, to burn my body so I couldn't have a traditional water tribe funeral. A week later they told them they had burned my body. Three weeks later, they were called back to the military base. We had all been together for eight years, we had become very close. It was a very difficult goodbye.”

“I promised them I would stay at the prison. We all knew if I left I would be caught and best case scenario I would be put in another prison, worst case I would be recognized, the fire nation would know the five of them had befriended the enemy and all of us would be executed. I had no idea how to sail or swim and no way to seek passage to the South Pole without leading the enemy to my home. The thought of never seeing you again broke my heart, I tried not to think about it too much, I pushed you, Katara, and Hakoda into the back of my mind to avoid the constant reminder and I am so sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t come back, I should have found a way...but at least I’ve found you now.” Sokka can hear the tears in her words long before he feels them splash onto her lap, still not moving his head. “I understand, mom. I love you.” He whispers, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I love you too.” She replies, kissing the side of head.”

They sit in silence for several long minutes. “Your father told me you have become particularly skilled with your boomerang, learned how to use a sword, and become quite the stradegest, outranking some of the men he fought with even...can you tell me more about that?” Sokka nods, sitting up and facing his mom, a smile forming on his lips as he launches into a story about learning how to sword fight from a Fire Nation master and how he took down a lot of Fire Nation soldiers. He then began to exaggerate about having taken down a whole fleet of airships with his boomerang when he heard Katara laugh a little behind him. Both he and his mother turn to face her, she is giving them a small smile. “Wait until Suki and Toph hear about you taking credit for destroying all of the Fire Nation airships, Toph will have it in for you.” She says warmly, walking over to them and sitting on the bed with him and mom. 

Mom wraps her arms around both of their shoulders, pulling them close to her chest. “I’m glad you weren’t alone and imprisoned all these years.” Katara says, evidently having been standing there for a while and didn’t want to interrupt until Sokka had become full of shit.. Mom nods. “Me too, sweety, but Sokka, was it seriously just three of you who took down a fleet of airships on a day where fire benders are particularly powerful?”

“Oh yeah, Toph got us up there and ripped open the hulls of them because she invented metal bending, and then we lied about a birthday celebration and w-”

“Wait, wait, wait, the earth bender woman is a metal bender? That’s possible?” Mom asks, confused. “Yeah, she invented it when she was kidnapped and put in a metal box because her parents paid some wrestlers to go and find her because they thought that she couldn’t handle herself because she’s blind so she invented it out of spite.” He says quickly, before he can continue, his mom interjects. “She’s BLIND? She constantly looks a few seconds away from beating up everyone in a 10 mile radius and winning.” Sokka laughs at the wildly accurate description. “Both of those things are true, she sees through seismic waves in her earth bending, i don’t understand it much past that other than it gives her greater perception than anyone who can just see with their eyes. But anyways!” He continues excitedly. “We lied about a birthday party, dropped the soldiers into the sea and then crashed the airship we stole into the other ones. They almost got us when Suki got split up from us and Toph and I fell, I was just holding her hand and had my leg broken, I lost my boomerang and space sword by throwing them at two fire nation soldiers and then Suki came back and got us back to the ground safely. Th-” 

“You did WHAT?” His mom asks, horrified. “You fought off soldiers with one arm and one leg when the fire benders were superpowered and lived to tell the tale? Tui and La, Sokka. I’m proud of you, but that is insane and you're an idiot you could have died!.” She exclaimed. Sokka grins and Katara shakes her head, smiling a little at both of them. “Yup, I’m proud of me too. After the war, I was betrayed and attacked by my sister and my friend. I saw her and Aang kiss and it was disgusting!” He cries dramatically. “She almost killed me mom!” he says, laughing a little. “Oh come off it, Sokka. You’re an adult, and if you think that’s gross you have twice the opportunity and take up on it to be oogie in front of me and it's gross. Last time I was here I had to watch you, Suki, and Zuko all cuddled in the courtyard, getting all oogie with you, my brother.” She says, laughing a little. For a bit they forgot that Zuko was missing and that he wasn’t holed up in his office doing work and not taking care of himself. “Hey, you didn’t have to be in the courtyard!”

“And you didn’t have to come outside when Aang and I were kissing but look where we are now. And we were just kissing a little on the lips, I fucking swear I saw Suki sucking on your neck.” They bicker like this for about two minutes as siblings do, kind of forgetting their mom was in the room. “Oh, mom!” Sokka exclaims when their bickering has devolved into name calling and shoving. “I’m sure you're a little sceptical about the Fire Nation after everything, especially the Fire Lord, but you are going to absolutely love Zuko. He’s sweet, ridiculously awkward, he loves flowers, and he especially loves turtle ducks. I threatened to eat one if he didn’t feed me within the next half hour and he threatened to have me tried with treason, you should meet him, I-” He cuts himself off, his memories catching up him, remembering the same day that the argument about the turtle ducks had happened was the same days he was taken. He goes quiet, feeling tears form in his eyes but he holds them back.

He feels Katara embrace him. “We’re heading out again as soon as we can to look for him. I have an idea about how we might be able to search areas more efficiently, I’ll give more details about it during our next briefing. I promise we are going to find him. We’re going to bring him home. He’s going to be okay.” She whispers, rocking him in her arms as he feels himself begin to cry again. Sokka sniffs, nodding. “You really love him, don’t you?” Mom asks, touching his shoulder. He nods again. “I-I lo-love him s-so much.” He chokes out. He wasn’t sure if she was disappointed that he was dating the Fire Lord, especially after only finding out the war that had taken her from home for so long was over less than a day ago, but he didn’t care. If she wasn’t happy now, then the moment she met Zuko he knew she would love him. He was so shy and sweet, he was always nervous...always scared, had always been too skinny, and he just wanted to be happy and feel loved. He couldn’t imagine anyone spending more than a few minutes with him not wanting to wrap him in their arms and swear to protect him, despite the fact that he could take down multiple trained soldiers on his own without even using his bending. It was always confusing to watch until they all came to the conclusion that Zuko would let people hurt him as a sign of loyalty and respect, not because he couldn’t fight them off. He couldn’t imagine what his childhood must have been like to igraine that so deeply into his mind. 

“From what Hakoda told me, it sounds like you two found the Avatar after 100 years, and I am well aware you found me after 13. If you two can do that accidentally, I have no doubt you’re going to find Zuko. You’ll get him back, sweetie.” She whispers, sounding more uncertain about wanting him to be found than believing they couldn’t. Sokka decided not to touch that for now, more focused on getting Zuko home safe than caring if his mother approved of his love life. He was a grown man, and if his mom didn’t approve of the two people he loved so dearly, it wouldn’t change anything. 

The three of them hold each other, to keep Sokka from falling apart, to keep Katara from losing her composure and showing how broken down she was about this as well, and for Kya to momentarily forget about all of the time she had lost with her children and how much of their lives she would never get back.

Azul is sitting at the vanity in what used to be her room...well, it still was her room, but it had been so long since she had been in here. There weren’t any mirrors in the hospital out of fear someone would break the glass and use it to hurt themselves or someone else. She had gotten used to not seeing what she looked like from this perspective, it was a little odd to be able to again. Her face had gotten longer as she had matured, her skin still pale and smooth, pulled evenly across her bone structure and unblemished despite playing with fire all her life. Even though he has had her hair cut while hospitalized, it has gotten longer, reaching past her waist, still thick and straight, not too much texture to it, but dark and glossy. 

She pulls her top knot out, running a brush through her hair to keep it neat. She notices how everything in her room is clean, no dust anywhere, despite it not being lived in. Even though she wasn’t expected home soon, Zuko had wanted her room to be ready for her to come home. She feels her chest warm a little, smiling sadly at herself. She would thank him when they got him back, she would make up for all of the lost time they had been fighting with each other opposed to fighting for each other, she would make sure he knew she loved him. She would say it, even if the thought of saying that to someone was weird to her.

She hears a knock at her door. “Yes?” She answers. It opens and Toph walks in, moving to stand directly in front of her, wasting no time. “Do you even care about sparky or do you just want to be out of lock up and back in the palace?” She snaps, completely unprompted. Azula feels anger fill her, but not uncontrollable rage like she would feel before, simply angry. The kind of anger that would make her lash out but not attack. “Of course I care that Zuko is missing! Not only that but he’s being brutally tortured by the command of his life long abuser and one of the cruelest people I have ever met, and I’ve met a lot! Why the fuck wouldn’t I care? I know I’ve said and done some shit to him in the past, but he needs my help right now! I participated in ruining his life as a child and teenager and I’m not going to stand idly by as he is harmed as an adult!” She snaps back forcefully, snarling a little, wiping angrily at her face as she feels a few hot tears roll down her cheek. So angry that this girl thought that she was incapable of loving her brother. It had been years, and she still saw her as just the monster her father had turned her into.

“I’m sorry for saying that to you, and that probably wasn’t the smartest move on my part.” Toph says, smiling. “I don’t know who we can trust right now, and you are the first person I wasn’t able to detect lies from and I can’t risk it with the stakes so high. I didn’t think you were supporting Ozai or wanted Zuko to suffer, it’s just...I’m sure you understand.” The anger rushes out of Azula almost instantly at that. “I understand. Zuko is lucky to have good enough friends to come piss off his mentally unstable fire bending prodigy sister for his well being. He had mentioned you to me when he visited. I don’t know if you knew this, but you were his first friend. Like his first real friend. Ever.” Azula says, looking at the blind bender who seems a little taken aback. “I knew I was the first member of team avatar to befriend him, but I didn’t know he had never had friends before, it explains his lack of social skills.”

Azula laughs a little. “Yeah, when he wasn’t so pissed off at everything all the time, he just turned into an awkward little turtle duck.” Toph smiles. “When we get him back, are you willing to fight tooth and nail to protect him from the world with me?” She asks as she invites herself to sit next to Azula on the bench. “Definitely. We also need to make sure he eats, he has developed some really bad eating habits. When I had pressed him about why he was losing so much weight he had broke down and told me about how the only meal he at was dinner and he was barely able to eat that and just slipped most of it onto Water Tribe Peasant’s plate, who I don’t know much about other than he is always hungry, sarcastic, skilled with a sword and boomerang, he can’t carve for shit, and he makes my brother very happy. Oh, I also know he’s annoying.” She adds to not darken the mood that much. “I am going to break Zuko’s legs if he doesn’t eat, he’s always had an issue with eating for as long as I’ve known him. I think it’s some kind of internalized really fucked up punishment for himself, genuinely believing he doesn’t deserve to eat until he physically can’t. He isn’t alright, Azula, and I really don’t know what we’re going to find when we get him back.” She says, looking at the ground sadly before shaking her head forcefully. “Add genius and idiot to the list and you’ve got Sokka pegged.” Toph says with a little bit more cheer. “I’ve never seen someone be able to balance those two characteristics as Sokka can. Also, how do you know Sokka can’t carve for shit?” Azula smiles. “His betrothal necklace. He said Sokka carved it. I get it has sentimental value, but fucking than man’t can’t carve.” She hears Toph burst into laughter. “Wait, it's really bad? I’ve heard Sokka talk about how proud he is of it and how he wanted to make sure it was special for Zuko, and I’ve heard Zuko croon over how beautiful it is and its bad? Please tell me how bad it is.” Toph asks excitedly. Azula smiles. “Well there is a bad looking sun, it looks like a lumpy cantaloupe with nails sticking out of it, and to the left of the sun is what was supposed to be a crescent moon but it looks like a slice to rotting cantaloupe. Sokka’s lucky Zuko loves him and that Suki gave Zuko a good enough pep talk for him to accept the necklace, otherwise Zuko wouldn’t be engaged,” She says, laughing a little. They sit in silence for a minute before Toph punches her in the arm. “It's how I show affection.” She explains before Azula can say anything. Azula smirks a little before chuckling. “I like you.” They turn to each other, nodding at their understanding of each other. 

The next day, Katara is standing in front of the group meeting in an isolated room. They have only involved the people that they can absolutely trust, not being able to put any gamble on Zuko’s life. The people they interacted with were dwindling. Katara looks around at the group that is going to be saving Zuko’s life. All of the Kyoshi warriors, Suki had spoken to them and Toph had triple checked that they were all on Zuko’s side. She looks around at the others, Sokka, dad, Bato, Mai, Azula (which was still really weird to think about, but Katara hadn’t wanted Zuko to join them either and look where they were now), Iroh, Aang, and Toph. It was an easy decision to not take mom with them. There was so much missing and none of them were willing to bet Zuko’s life on a woman she loved so dearly but had become a stranger. While they were gone, people were going to catch her up to date with current politics and other global affairs, and Iroh was going to catch her up of what her family had been doing...well, mostly her and Sokka, Iroh and dad were on good terms, they just weren’t particularly close. She clears her throat, looking at everyone. It felt weird to be briefing everyone, Sokka had always been the plan guy, but he was wearing himself thin, she didn’t know what would happen to him if they didn’t find Zuko. 

“Aang,” She finally begins. “You can enter the spirit world through meditation relatively easily now with practice. I was reading about air bender to learn more about your culture and I remember reading about astral projection. It’s halfway between entering the spirit world and being on earth, where your spirit and body are in the same realm but not connected. I think that that might be our best bet at finding Zuko quickly. I think we should stick to Sokka’s plan of going to individual villages and searching, but you should look with your consciousness as you aren't bound by the same laws of physics as us and aren’t as noticeable. I know that shorter distances are easier to do and can be sustained for longer so you should thoroughly search the area we are in at the moment. You can also track Zuko’s consciousness in that state if you focus on him. Do you think you can do that Aang?” Everyone turns to look at him, she hates putting him in that position, but they both know that if they want Zuko back without giving Ozai back his powers they need to push their limits. 

“I do.” He responds shortly. “I haven’t held myself in that state for long before, but I’m sure I can work with my current skill level. I have to. Zuko’s our friend, and even if he wasn’t, he doesn’t deserve whatever is happening to him.” There is a chorus of agreements.

Katara turns to look at her brother. He looks absolutely awful. She knew it wasn’t just fear, it was guilt eating him alive. She wanted to snap him out of it but knew she would feel the same way in his position. “Have you mapped out the route we’re first going to take?” Katara asks. Sokka nods mutley, handing her the map he had spent the last few days making detailed routes on. She pretends she can’t see the stains that are clearly from tears, small faded blotches around the center of the map, only visible when you were close as she was. 

Katara begins to show the route they’ll be taking, hitting the areas Zuko is most likely going to be held in first, but also in areas where (If Aang can identify Zuko’s consciousness) they could follow the direction that it was coming from, honing on the area it is coming from.

After several hours of explaining, debating, alterations made to the plan, and reassuring each other, they draw the meeting to an end. They had gone back and forth for a long time about whether or not they should split up. Where they knew splitting up would cover more ground, It would also be more difficult to actually rescue Zuko. Despite them all knowing the plan was to locate Zuko, notify the others and then all group together to attack, they all knew themselves. If they located Zuko, they wouldn’t be able to wait, knowing he was being mercilessly tortured, they would have to rush in to save him, likely getting caught themselves. That would only make things worse. They called the meeting to an end and dispersed, all finding anything to do to brighten their mood even the slightest bit so they wouldn’t think about Zuko. 

A few days later they departed, searching villages for Zuko. They had found nothing. Aang tried so hard every time to find Zuko, but he couldn’t. It had been weird at first to leave his body behind...and be able to see it, and wander the area as a spirit of sorts, no body to bind him to the physical world, able to search the darkest parts of the villages with every hidden secret. After the first few tries he was able to hoan in on consciousness that had the same energy as Zuko did, and it was distant. The only difference was that it was flickering, not between life and death, but between forms of itself, the more he was able to tune into it, the more he began to realize that what he was definitely sensing was Zuko. He knew he shouldn’t feel like this, he knew Zuko was suffering, he knew they were losing him. The longer he spent focusing on it, the more precisely he could tract the direction and strength of him. If he moved even a little, the connection was broken and he would have to start over. They had a map hanging on the wall, depicting everything that they had found, every indication as to where he could be. Days of searching turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. He couldn’t always connect with Zuko at each location, and every time, it became more difficult as his consciousness faded into something unrecognizable. Aang quickly learned that this wasn’t because of his technique, it was because Zuko was dying. 

After three months of searching and Aang no longer able to find Zuko’s consciousness they were left with three options in the area they had narrowed it down to consisting of two villages and one small city. “We’re coming for you Zuko, hold on just a little bit longer. Just stay alive for a little bit more and we’ll get you home, we’ll fix you, we’ll never let anyone touch you again. You have my word.” He promises, eyes flooding with tears, hoping they won’t be too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Azula and Toph binding like Zuko and Toph had in the air temple. They are friends and are trying to support each other and awkwardly make each other happy.  
> Also, Azula, Toph, Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee want Ozai's blood and I hope I have made that clear because they do.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I think that this is my favorite chapter that I have written so far. It defiantly turned out darker than I thought that it was going to. This whole Chapter is from Zuko's perspective so it defiantly is heavy. I know that the last two chapters were a little different than the rest of the tone of the story. The next chapter might be a little but then after that it should have a more consistent tone, but I don't know. Up until now I have had multiple chapters written but this is the last one, I will have to start working on the other chapters soon.   
> Please, when I don't have chapters written is the best time to add any input on what you think of this so far, it makes it the easiest to add new things into the story. I really want to know what people think about it or want to happen, the one person who comments will have significantly more impact than several people who don't say anything even if they want something particular out of this. Even if it is half baked or a tiny little detail that you want to see happen because seeing it written somewhere releases a single molecule of seretonine in your brain in this hellish year. Or if it is a larger more complicated thing you want to see in this. The worst thing that could happen is me simply not doing anything with it.   
> Any idea that you have even if its a crazy 3 am idea, or just want to say something about it, I just really want to hear from people about this because where I am the one writing it i am (hopefully) not the only one enjoying it and y'all should have some say.

Zuko’s world had been stripped apart and then put back together so that it only consisted of a few things: the men, his father, humiliation, pain, hunger, thirst, fear, the necklace, darkness only interrupted by fire burning his skin, and constant, overwhelming exhaustion. He began to crave the darkness, it meant he was alone, it meant he was safe. Father always held him in the dark, the only light illuminating the room was from the hallway that Zuko was faced away from when chained. It was only enough to illuminate bits of his fathers face, his hands, and whatever he was holding. When it was dark, he wasn’t being beaten, burned or raped. When it was dark, he could rest, no matter how difficult. He had found a few positions that he could sleep in, even if he never stayed unconscious for long, his body would always eventually wake him up from his arms screaming from the weight being put in. It was so difficult to find rest, he wished he could pass out, even if it was because of a particularly hard blow to the head. It would mean that he couldn’t feel the constant pain pain his entire body was in, couldn’t feel the confusion and fear that filled every crevice of his mind, it meant that he would be able to ward of the perpetual exhaustion that had become so intense for getting so little sleep for so long he couldn’t stop from crying, his body and mind begging for rest that he couldn’t give them. 

He was fed so rarely that almost every time he was he got sick from his body rejecting the food it demanded. It was always the buns his father demanded his blood in exchange for and they made him feel better but his body couldn’t process them. Due to his position, he couldn’t lean forward far enough and he was mostly vomiting viscous bile which ran down the front of his body, crusting over and staying there. He couldn’t bathe so he was just constantly covered in his own dried sick. He was left standing so much he was always relieved when he was forced to his knees. It gave him a break. He didn’t care that he knew exactly what was coming in that position, all he cared about was that he wasn’t standing anymore, that he was being given a break. He had been standing so long that pain was constantly shooting all through his legs, his abdomen and all up his back. His legs shook almost constantly under the weight they were under all the time, so rarely allowed rest. He had been left standing for what he was sure was days. He wasn’t usually forced to stand for as long as he had been with no break. When the men had come in they had just beaten and burned him, laughing every time he flinched or tried to get away from them, struggling uselessly against his chains. They mocked him as he begged for mercy and screamed for his father or just in general when he wasn’t muzzled, when he was, they still enjoyed watching the overwhelming terror fill his body and eyes and every whimper of pain and fear that passed the mettle. He never understood why they kept him muzzled, it’s not like he could do anything about his position, if anyone could hear him scream they would have by now when they took it off. He had just begun to assume it was about power, humiliation, or just another form of pain. If it were any of those, it was working. He tried to keep his mind on the hope someone would come here soon, forcing him to kneel for them. 

He knew being forced to his hands and knees was degrading and that having his legs chained further apart was humiliating but he craved what came along with it. It meant that he was allowed to kneel and stop standing, it meant the fucking bit was removed from his mouth. He had never been quiet when it came to sex, and they loved every sound that he made against his will, no matter how shameful it was, no matter how much he cried or begged them to stop. He would always clamp his mouth shut when the muzzle was taken off, relishing in the ability to. He could feel injuries forming in and around his mouth from that thing. He wasn’t sure why the bit was shaped the way it was, but it didn’t just go between his teeth like a normal bit did. There were two thick sections that went between his molars, but then it pushed back into his mouth. The top part pushed against the roof of his mouth, when the bit was off he could feel the scar tissue and the welts, he could always taste the blood trickling down the back of his throat. The bottom half pressed his tongue down to the floor of his mouth. His tongue was raw and bruised. He once put his tongue over that part of the bit when they forced it into his mouth but that was so much worse. It was painful, hard to breath, impossible to swallow, and it dried his tongue out along with the sides of his mouth. He hated the bit so much, he didn’t know why they even muzzled him in the first place. He knew there was a reason, a good one, not just to hurt him, but he couldn’t remember. Whenever he thinks too hard about it his head is filled with more bright, colorful static and a loud buzzing noise, pounding at his skill. The bit was the only thing he would still fight them on. He would let the men chain him back up or into any position they wanted to without resistance, but he made them force his head still and his mouth open to put the muzzle in. He would always let father put it in, even though he was always hesitant to do so. He couldn’t remember what he had done to father, but he knew he was disobedient and he had to be trained better. He was determined to not fail his father this time. He knew he had a sister that wasn’t being punished because she had obeyed father. She wasn’t a disappointment, he was. He had to make it up to him, he would be obedient now. He would be like her and please father.

Zuko knew that the necklace was significant as well. It was a stone pendant on a red ribbon, and they put it around his neck every time they fucked him. He couldn’t remember why it was important, just that it was. He was told that wearing it while physically enjoying what they were doing to him, he was betraying someone. Where he couldn’t remember the significance of it, it was a weight of shame. It was a mark that they wanted him to suffer. It was a collar marking him as their trained pet. That’s the significance it held to him now.He wished he could say he fought them...but he didn’t. He was too weak, too scared, and too desperate to be off of his feet. But the shame was overwhelming because he knew he did enjoy what they were doing to him, not as in wanting it to happen, but sex was the price he had to pay them for rest from standing and rest from the bit, just like the price he had to pay father for his affection and food was in his pain. He felt so much shame every time as he felt relief flood through him at the bit being removed and not standing, able to curl up a little and hide. He hated how good it felt when the first man’s slick fingers would slowly enter him, stretching him loose slowly. They all knew what his body liked, and he hated, they all knew how to draw little whimpers out with just their fingers. The order they went in was different every time, but every time he was fucked by 12 different men. They would all move inside of him at a gentle and steady pace, they learned all of the sensitive parts of his body, what reacted when it was bit, licked or rubbed. He could never hold still no matter how much he wanted to, moving his knees into a wider stance and pushing back into their hips to take them deeper into him as they rubbed his cock and fucked him so sweetly it almost felt like they were making love to him. He couldn’t stop his writhing or loud moans of pleasure as they found new places in or on his body that reacted to their touch, or touched places they knew his body liked, learning how to draw louder and more desperate sounds out of him every time. As more of them took their turn with him, the more painful it would become. He would get so sore and would beg them to stop in between his moans of pleasure and sobs of pain and humiliation. He knew that during every one of the sessions they fucked him until he bled. Every single one of them made sure that he came too and he had less than a minute between each man fucking him to catch his breath. He would get far too overstimulated every time, being one of the many reasons he cried harder the longer it went on, it was all too much.

They had never cleaned him in any way. He had no idea how long he had been here, but everything before this was being quickly swallowed in static so did it really matter anyway? His legs, especially his inner thighs were covered in a thick layer of cum and blood. It was a worse feeling than the vomit dried on his chest and stomach. It was proof of what each of them had done for so long, it left their smell lingering in his nose long after they had stopped touching him for the day. They were always on him, always inside of him, always with him even when they were gone. It was proof of what he hadn’t stopped them from doing. It was proof he had become their property, one of the many things they whispered in his ear as they fucked him. He belonged to them, he wasn’t a person, he was a thing. They were right, father agreed, pleased that he had learned his place. 

He was constantly in pain and was losing things to distract him from that. Whatever drug had been put in the water was wiping everything from before. He had a few small flashes of memories, but nothing cohesive. There were no faces, no names, no clear scenery. He just knew they were memories because the colors were soft and even, they didn’t hurt his head with staticky flashing colors and grating noise. This made it so he had no idea how long he had been here. He logically knew he hadn’t been here his entire life...but all sense of logic was beginning to fade, he didn’t have the energy to fight it. He barely had the energy to stand and not let all of his weight rest on his arms. His life just seemed like one long strain of darkness only broken by the cruel, flickering light of fire which either directly brought pain or gave light for someone else to bring it. His only peace was when his father came, his father would hold him, pet him, feed him, make him feel loved. Most times, he would demand Zuko to harm himself in some way in exchange for food, praise and affection. Sometimes after, he would want Zuko to prove his devotion to him, Zuko always would, and Father would fuck him. The nagging part in his brain saying that something about that was terribly fucked up had long since dissipated. Father didn’t degrate him while fucking him, he didn’t make him wear the necklace, he didn’t keep him in chains, and he thankfully didn’t force him to enjoy it. Every time after, father would then wrap him back in a blanket and carry him to a small room, laying him on the floor and locking the door behind him. He let him sleep, he had sobbed in gratitude when he first realized what was happening. He was chronically exhausted, he barely got any sleep being forced to stand all of the time. He would regularly weep from exhaustion rather than pain, his body trying to wear him out so much that he was forced to pass out. But that room was one of the greatest gifts his father had given him. He was allowed to lay down, no chains, no muzzle, and sleep, really sleep. His sleep was dreamless, his mind too exhausted to produce anything. His father made his existence bearable, father offered him safety and comfort in his misery, father was his sanctuary. He needed father, he couldn’t bear this without him, even if he deserved everything he got. 

He knew father had a name...but he couldn’t remember it most of the time...he knew he had a name, he could remember his own name more than father’s, but that was fading too. When he had told his father this he hugged him, telling him that that was good. It meant that he was going to be clean of all of his past mistakes. It meant he could be a good son, one that wouldn’t disappoint him. Zuko had wept with relief that he was going to be redeemed, that he was getting a second chance. He thanked father the entire time he had fucked him that time, father had stayed with him that time in the little room, he had held him to his chest, rubbing his back until he fell asleep. That was his most precious memory. He would relive it when he was in pain, he would clearly remember how it felt to have father say that he could be redeemed, that he could still be useful to him. He remembered how it felt to have father touch him, to whisper that he was proud while he was inside of him. He remembered how it felt to be cocooned in safety, in his blanket, in his room, in his fathers arms. No chains, no muzzle, no standing, no humiliation, just safety and sleep. His world revolved around his father, like a good son’s should. He knew this was an extreme, but it was because he had betrayed his father, because he was a disrespectful son. His father had to teach him how to be good, how to earn his father’s love, how to properly serve him.

He knows he deserves all of it as he trembles in his chains, his legs threatening to give out, to pull all of his remaining weight on his arms. Every muscle and bone in his body hurts. His body demands to contract from this position, to curl up in a ball and hide, to clamp his mouth shut and never let anything be put into his mouth again, even if it was food, even if he needed it to survive. He would never speak again if it meant not opening his mouth for the bit to be jammed into his mouth. His left knee buckles, digging the chains into his wrists and painfully wrenching his shoulders. He whimpers quietly, tears rolling down his cheeks and he forces himself back into a standing position, his legs shaking harder. He can’t stand much longer, he can’t be awake much longer. He hears his stomach growl loudly as he lets out a low moan of pain. He’s so cold, he’s so hungry, he’s so tired, he’s in so much pain, he wants to be wrapped in fathers arms, to be pulled onto his lap and cradled. He needs to be off his feet, he needs a moment to recover.

He hears footsteps behind him, he lets out a tiny whine. The telltale flicker of fire announces their arrival. If he had the energy, he would flinch harder, but he barely moves. Maybe they’ll let him kneel, let him be off of his feet, let him rest even if for just a moment crumple to the ground, he needs it. He can’t take standing much longer. The men that had entered the room stand around him, he prays that they bring him to his knees, he doesn’t care what they do to him, he can’t stand any fucking longer. They reach out to him and he feels them beginning to tie strips of thin cloth to his body. They hang long, tied around his arms, his legs, his abdomen. He lets out a muffled sob as he realizes they’re going to burn him. He tries to beg for mercy, but is silenced by the muzzle. Instead of lighting their hands and burning him, he felt the bands of the muzzle loosen and it pulled out of his mouth. He lets out a quiet grateful sob, unable to make much more noise than that between his dry throat, hunger, and overwhelming exhaustion. “What was that, sweetheart?” One of the me asks, kissing his throat. He tries to beg to be put on his knees, but it comes out as unintelligible whimpers. He hears rustling and feels a flask pushed against his lips. He drinks from it, feeling some of the dryness disappear. His mouth was always partially dry even after drinking, with being given so little water and his mouth always held open, it was never enough. He coughs a little, wincing in pain as he does. “P-pl-plea-e-se, l-le-let me kneel, c-ca-can’t st-stand lo-lon-longer. Wh-where’s fa-fath-th-th-ther? Pl-please...ne-need h-him. I-I’m s-so ti-tired.” He barely whispers. Every time he got a chance to speak, it got harder. He hears laughter and his heart sinks and any hope of rest. “Pathetic.” A different man says, still laughing. “A grown man begging for his father. I’ll tell you what sweetheart, you let us hear you scream and I’ll tell him you begged for him, he’ll decide if you get to rest, how about that?” Zuko nods wearily, biting his bottom lip, knowing this is going to be bad. He sees flame erupt from multiple hands and flinches, he hears more laughter. 

A strip of cloth around his right arm and one around his left leg are lit on fire. He sees the fire begin to quickly climb up the cloth. He struggles weakly, whimpering loudly, as if either of those things will protect him from the flame moving towards him. He lets out a quiet sob when he feels the heat from the fire get closer to his skin before beginning to scream as it catches to what is wrapped around his body, the flame burning brightly right against his skin, eating into his body, leaving pain and charred flesh in its wake. They continue to light the strips of cloth, howling with laughter as he begs for them to stop, tries to struggle away from the flame, screams for his father to help him, to protect him. 

After what feels like an eternity Zuko is left shaking uncontrollably, unable to stop whimpering in pain and fear, they still haven’t extinguished their fire. He wants it to be dark, he wants it to be safe. “There’s only one thing left to burn, then you might get to rest, sweetheart.” The original man says, pulling his matted hair roughly. “N-no! Pl-please no!” He cries, not wanting fire that near his face, knowing it would be excruciating climbing up his body. “Don’t worry, pet,” a new man says. “Hair doesn't burn as well, not all of it will reach your scalp.” He whispers, rubbing his thigh, pressing his lips against his, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Zuko just whimpers in fear, not understanding what the fuck is going on. The man grabs a fist full of hair, tipping his head back by pulling his hair as he breaks the kiss, roughly biting his throat as it is exposed. “I will miss his head being so easy to control.” The man eventually says. “Do you really think we should burn it off?” Zuko just listens numbly, knowing that his input isn’t wanted. Best case scenario he would be ignored, worst case, he would be punished, so he stayed silent. He found it mildly ironic that everyone in the room had an issue with burning his hair. They wanted him to suffer, wanted to watch fear surge through his body as the fire climbed up to his face, but still wanted to be able to control his head with his long hair. Zuko wanted his hair gone, he wanted it shaved off of his head so no one could pull it anymore, but he didn’t want his fucking hair set on fire. “Sounds good to me.” One of them says, vaguely bringing him back to reality. He didn’t hear what the verdict was, it’s not like he could do anything about it anyways, but he still liked to know what the fuck was going on. He sees a flaming hand approaching him from the corner of his right eye and he starts begging again as he feels the adrenaline kick in. “Please no! Please, do-don’t! Yo-you do-don’t know ho-how bad i-it hu-hurts please!” He sobs as he feels the ends of his hair all the way at his waist catch. He feels the flames lick at the skin on his back, eating into his flesh, it moves up his hair quickly, but what has already caught stays burning for a long time. He begins shaking his head wildly, screaming trying to get the fire away from his skin even for a second. He hears laughter surrounding him as the fire creeps faster up to his shoulders, to his neck. “Please put it out! Pl-please I can’t! Please, please no, please stop it! Nonononono please! Father! Fa-father, help please, I’ll do anything! Father please!” he begs, hoping his father was close enough to hear him and hold him. Soon his screams turn into unintelligible sobs wracking through his whole body as another rush of adrenaline surges through his body, tugging wildly at the chains, shaking his head harder. He feels the fire begin reaching his ear, touching his scar as he screams in terror. He can’t breath, he’s taking in as much air as he can and it isn’t doing anything, his body is hot and shaking uncontrollably, his body becomes hypersensitive to every touch but he all but completely dissociates on what they actually are. He barely registers what’s happening as water is thrown over him, dousing the fire. Despite the fact that the fire is gone, he can’t stop screaming, crying and flailing, feeling his skin still being eaten by flame, still smelling his burning hair, still hearing laughter even as it grows distant as they walk away, leaving him to wrestle with his terror in the dark.

As soon as the adrenaline wears off he slumps forward as his knees buckle under him. The pain in his arms is excruciating, but his legs can’t support him anymore. The old cloth binding his wrists, protecting them from the metal cuffs leaks blood down his arms from the cuts that he’s never seen but knows are there reopening from the cuffs being pressed into his skin. He can’t move, he can barely whimper, he can’t lift his head, he can’t even open his eyes, he still feels tears slip through his shit eyelids. 

He hears footsteps approaching him, they don’t stop, they sound like they’re circling around him, examining his weak, damaged, and exposed body. He wants to see who it is but is entirely too exhausted to even try, so he doesn’t. He eventually hears keys rattle, and feels his left cuff loosen and be removed, he tries to catch himself but can’t even move his arm, so all of his weight is put on his right arm. Pain shoots through him as his right arm screams in agony, all he can muster to speak for it is a tiny whimper. He feels his right cuff removed and he collapses onto the ground. He hears the cuffs on his ankles unlocked and then feels them removed. He feels himself wrapped in a blanket before gently being picked up by strong arms and pulled to someone’s chest before he feels the person walking, carrying him somewhere. ‘Father?’ He tries to say, but it comes out as a tiny, broken whimper. “Shhh, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you now. I know you’re tired, but I need you to stay awake. Can you do that for me, son?” His father asks, Zuko wants to weep with relief, but doesn’t make any sound at all, not sure if he could stay awake. He would try, he would try as hard as he could to stay awake if that's what his father wanted, he just wasn’t sure if his body would let him.

He eventually feels himself being lowered down somewhere soft. Father must have sat down behind him as he feels his body slumped against his chest, facing away from him. It wasn’t how he liked father to hold him, he wanted to bury his face in his chest and be tucked behind his curtain of dark hair where he was safe, where he could hide in his little sanctuary. “I need to know if you’re awake, make any noise or nod your head if you can hear me.” Father asks softly, kissing his burned head. Zuko lets out a quiet whimper in response. “Good, good. I need you to drink this, then you can rest. You can take your time, I just need you to drink it. I need you alive.” He hears father say gently. He feels a bowl pressed against his lips and a hand begins rubbing his stomach. Zuko hears his stomach growl loudly as he smells what's in the bowl. It smells like broth, he tries to open his eyes but can’t, so he begins to slowly drink the broth. There are a few solid things in it, he doesn’t have the energy to chew them but he can swallow them easily as it is mostly liquid and they’re small and seemingly soft. He vaughly thinks they’re probably beans or lentils, but he doesn’t really care. The broth is good, a perfect balance of savory and salty, it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted, much better than the buns, he can already feel his body reacting better to the gentle substance than it did to the bread. Father rubs his stomach slowly though this whole process, whispering to him gently. “There you go, you’re okay, I’ve got you.” He eventually finishes the bowl of broth, feeling full, warm and safe. He then feels a flask pressed to his lips and drinks from it. It's water, but it doesn’t have the bitter taste of what is usually drugging it, but he’s too tired to think much about it. 

He feels father’s body shift into a reclined position, father shifts Zuko so he is next to him with his head resting on his chest. He feels that he is laying on something soft for once and not hard cement. He feels himself sinking into it, growing impossibly more exhausted. Father gently rubs his back, kissing his forehead. “Can you hear me?” He asks gently, Zuko whimpers softly in affirmation. “I pushed you too far this time, you deserve punishment, you deserve pain, and you need to be properly trained, which you have been doing so well at. You’re doing so good. You’re behaving like a good son should. But I can’t have you die. It won’t happen again, I won’t push you so close to death, I promise, son.” He hears his father say. He sounds so honest, sounds a little sad even. Zuko nuzzles closer to father, whimpering again. “Get some rest, son, you need to recover, you need to sleep.” Zuko easily drifts off. He goes to bed with a full stomach, his thirst quenched knowing it won’t be followed with more static, a warm blanket and fathers arms around him, and a soft bed beneath him. He goes to bed feeling safe and loved. Despite the pain wracking through his body, the fear still eating at him, and his inability to move from exhaustion, he thinks this is the happiest he has ever been...or at least what he can remember from his life. The new life his father had granted him. A small smile forms on his lips as he drifts into unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter that I have written as of now and I will have to start writing more chapters. Please, when I don't have chapters written is the best time to add any input on what you think of this so far, it makes it the easiest to add new things into the story. I really want to know what people think about it or want to happen, the one person who comments will have significantly more impact than several people who don't say anything even if they want something particular out of this. Even if it is half baked or a tiny little detail that you want to see happen because seeing it written somewhere releases a single molecule of seretonine in your brain in this hellish year. Or if it is a larger more complicated thing you want to see in this. The worst thing that could happen is me simply not doing anything with it.   
> Any idea that you have even if its a crazy 3 am idea, or just want to say something about it, I just really want to hear from people about this because where I am the one writing it i am (hopefully) not the only one enjoying it and y'all should have some say.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is probably as bad as this fic gets. Bear with me. I hope that you like this one, seriously please let me know

They are nearing the small city that they had marked on the map, the last stop of three possible locations for Zuko. This is where he has to be. He is in this city. There is no other option. They are going to find him today. They are going to bring him home. He is going to be okay. No one was willing to talk about what might happen if they don’t find him, that isn’t an option. Azula is standing against the wall next to the water tribe man, Bato. Over the past three months she has begun to form her own relationships with the people around her. She had reconnected with Mai and Ty Lee, building a relationship with them that was supportive and not her exploiting her position of power and their loyalty for her own gain. A relationship where they would quietly play board games, read together, catch each other up on their lives...well it was mostly Mai and Ty Lee catching Azula up on their lives...she didn’t do too much and a lot of the interesting stuff was either personal, contextual, or involved Azula joking about her poor mental health which the girls seemed to find concerning opposed to funny. They had played a few drinking games as well when they wanted to take their minds off of the three months of progress but still no Zuko, meaning that he was still suffering and they weren’t there. They did this when they really needed to distract themselves.

She would have to say the only actual friend that she had made was Toph. She was smart, funny, strong, lacked sentimentality and strongly believed that in some cases murder was okay. When they found the people who were keeping Zuko, that was going to be one of those times. Azula agreed. To take their minds off of what was happening, Azula usually read to Toph as she leaned against her. When no one was looking, Azula would teach Toph how to write very simple things, such as her name and common phrases, guiding her hand until she memorized it. They thought that it would be funny for her to casually write something in front of everyone and act as if she could do it all along and pretend to be surprised that they had never seen her do that before.

She had forged somewhat of a relationship with Suki. It wasn’t particularly close, but Suki trusted her enough to team up with her to get Zuko. The plan was she, Suki, and Toph had agreed upon was to go in together when they found Zuko. There were plenty of people to be the ones to carry Zuko to safety, but the disagreement came with what to do with the captors. Of course Aang wanted to capture them, harming them as little as possible, stripping them of their bending and leaving them in prison for the rest of their lives. Everyone except for Azula, Suki, Toph, Mai, and Ty Lee wanted to go in, not caring how bad they hurt them but not making any attempt to kill them before taking them lifelong prisoners. Mai and Ty Lee wanted to hurt them as much as possible while not taking time away from their attacks before taking them prisoner, but if they died, they died and it was their own fault. Toph, Suki, and Azula wanted death, plain and simple. No chance for them to walk out of where they are found. They wanted to kill as many of them as possible so they could never get another chance to hurt Zuko or anyone ever again. They had broken Ozai out, someone would be coming for them. There were no rules for what they couldn’t do to them. These people had put themselves in this position when they took Zuko. They would die. They knew they couldn’t spend much time with each of them, they couldn’t risk Zuko’s life and freedom for revenge. Azula had only one request. The other two could do whatever they wanted to her father to make sure he didn’t hurt them or Zuko, but Azula wanted to look that man in the eyes and watch the light fade out of them by her hand. She wanted to see him die. She wanted to kill him. She wanted revenge for everything he had put her and Zuko through. She wanted the last thing for him to see was the daughter who he prized as a military weapon and political tool to be delivering the blow that would end his life. This agreement was what hers and Suki’s relationship was built almost entirely on. They could build a real one when they got Zuko home safe. 

Azula had tried to talk to Sokka, wanting to get to know the man who lit up her brother’s face, but he had all but stopped talking. He would only speak when necessary. She would see him and Suki sometimes, holding each other closely, not letting the rest of their world fall apart. He wouldn’t spend time with anyone else.

Aang had tried to make friends with Azula, but she thought that he was annoying and didn’t talk to him much. She didn’t try with Katara, Azula knew that she didn’t like her one bit and right now was not the time to approach her. She could talk to her after everyone’s nerves had settled.

She knew that Zuko had gotten close to Sokka and Katara’s father, Hakoda. She could understand why. He was kind, gentle, understanding, and caring. Everything their own father hadn’t been. However, she ended up getting the closest with Sokka and Katara’s step father, Bato. He was quiet and practical, but had an approachable demeanor about him despite being one of the tallest and most muscular men she had been around, he didn’t seem intimidating...at least when he wasn’t trying to be, then she could definitely see how he could fuck shit up if he needed to. They had built a relationship mostly on silence and each other's company. They would sit together in silence for elongated periods of time, only exchanging necessary commentary. He shared her minimalistic sense of humor, a word or two about something happening around them, oversimplifying the situation was somehow hilarious to both of them when done right and would set them both off into hysterics before restoring to composed silence. Azula liked him. 

Azula and Bato were standing next to each other in the air ship as they were waiting for it to land, waiting to search for Zuko again. They were going to find him soon, they had to. They were going to bring him home, make him feel safe and loved again. They were going to save him. The two of them give each other a small hopeful look as they feel the airship land, walking out when the doors open. Aang sits on the ground in a meditative position and two of the Kyoshi warriors take their position guarding him as the rest of them walk down the ramp and begin searching through the city. 

Azula, Mai and Ty Lee split up together. She tries to keep on an even, composed expression but just feels sick. ‘What are we going to do if he isn’t here?’ She thinks, unable to keep the thought from entering her mind, no matter how hard she tries to keep it away from mind, it creeps in, every time louder and more troubling the more places they have looked and Zuko isn’t there.

When the sun finally starts to set, Azula buys the three of them dinner from a stand and they begin to trudge back to the airship, heads hung low in defeat. When they arrive, Bato, Hakoda, Sokka, and Suki are there, along with Aang still meditating and the two Kyoshi warriors guarding his body. Azula sighs heavily, walking over to Sokka. “Can I speak with you privately for a moment?” She asks, worried about his mental state. He looks broken, Suki looks like she is coping better than him, but still doing poorly. Sokka nods mutely as she leads him to the back of the airship where no one can hear them, separated from them by a thick wall of metal. She moves to sit down, pulling Sokka down with her and she pulls him into her arms as she sits against the wall, resting his face on her shoulder. “Keeping it bottled up will only make it worse, trust me. Let it out. I’ve got you, no one can hear you. Scream, cry, whatever you need. I won’t judge you.” She says calmly, rubbing his back. Sokka remains quiet for a long moment, and she expects he doesn’t want to break down in front of her but likes the comfort. Suddenly, he lets out a blood curdling scream, muffled as he presses his face into the crook of his neck. She feels his tears begin to soak through her shirt as he begins to cry, letting out weeks of repressed emotions. She rocks him gently, letting her own tears begin to flow down her face, hiding her grief behind Sokka’s. ‘He isn’t here, we’re never going to find him without giving father back his bending.’ She thinks miserably as she cries. ‘He’s dead, we can’t give father back his bending, Zuko’s dead.’ She thinks as she can’t hold back her sobs anymore. She was supposed to be helping Sokka get out his own emotions, not breaking down with him, but that is what it very quickly turned into, both of them desperately clutching at each other, mourning the death of Zuko. Eventually, they cry themselves out, falling asleep in each other's arms.

Sokka feels his arm being shaken roughly as he wakes up. He’s being held by someone, their arms holding him close. He’s been crying. He pulls away, shocked to realize that he’s being held by Azula who is also being frantically shaken by none other than Toph. He can see Azula’s face, she has been crying too. He vaguely remembers her leading him back here, encouraging him to break down in private. She must have been able to tell that he had no hope of getting Zuko back, that he was gone. “Hey, you two, did you not hear me, get the FUCK UP, right the fuck now. I don’t care what you’re doing or why but we’ve landed and we’re fucking off right now.” Sokka is about to snap at her when he sees her face, she looks horrified. “What?” Sokka asks, concerned, nothing shook Toph. “Aang found sparky...at least he thinks he did, he’s in the basement of a mansion we just landed in front of. He’s pretty sure it’s him...he’s in bad fucking shape. We’re going in now. Split up into groups we agreed to fight in, we’re saving him!” She screams in a panic. Sokka feels adrenaline rush through his body as he sprint to the door with only one thing on his mind: Zuko.

Father had let Zuko rest for a little, feeding him twice during that time, but then chained him back to the frame. Despite the much needed rest, he was still incredibly weak, and he still could have slept more. He felt like he could sleep for 100 years and still be exhausted. Everything that was done to him became marginally more bearable. He has an actual happy memory to hang onto. One where father proved that he loved him no matter what he said to him. Father’s cruel words were to train him, not to hurt him. What he said probably hurt father far more. Zuko clings onto that, feeling the ghost of father’s hands brushing against his skin, nursing strength back to health, not letting him die, helping him, loving him. 

Father’s love, however, did nothing for the fact that Zuko was still a bad son who needed to learn better. Father’s love didn’t stop the pain from constant punishments the men inflicted upon him, but he would think about pleasing father. He tried to keep the fear at bay with this...but the men were too horrible, too cruel to be forgotten about. He was constantly scared of them, feeling sick at the thought of them no matter how clearly he pictured father. Whether it was he might be held by father after a particularly cruel beating, or trying to picture farther moving inside of him, but the men were far too humiliating. 

He comes back to the present to the sound of a whip cracking in the air, his whole body flinching as if it has actually touched him, all memories of his father fleeing, replaced with overwhelming fear. ‘No! No! Please no’” He tries to scream, it coming out incohesive through the muzzle as he begins to struggle wildly in his restraints, shaking his head frantically. He uses all of his strength (which isn’t much anymore) to pull against the chains, crying and trying to beg for mercy. He hears the whip crack again, screaming and shaking with absolute fear, still muffled. He starts finding it difficult to breath as he’s worked into a panic, he knows there is a very distinct reason why this noise is so gut wrenching, but he can’t remember what exactly it is. Every time he tries to picture it, his head swims with static and lights, making him feel nauseous. All he knows for sure is that it will feel excruciating, far more than the burning, maybe a little more than the fucking when adding the psychological pain with it. All he knows is that he can’t bear it, he so far past the breaking point there isn’t anything more he can take, there isn’t anywhere he can recoil back deeper into his mind and body. He just wants his father, he just wants to die. The crack of the whip pulls him away from his thoughts again as he flinches so hard he feels the skin under the cloth on his right wrist cut open again, blood soaking through it. 

“Do you remember why you’re reacting so strongly to this?” His father’s voice asks coldly from in front of him, the opposite direction the sound of the whip is coming from. Father had never hurt him...as far as he could remember, but he did relish in his pain, he liked to see his son get what he deserved. His father’s arms were his safe haven. He couldn’t lose that. He couldn’t disappoint his father. He didn’t know what the correct answer was, he wanted to tell his father what he wanted to hear, but he didn’t know, so he settled on the truth. He shakes his head shamefully. “And you shouldn’t” His father whispers, stepping out of the dark and into the flickering light cast by the torches. Zuko feels a prick of relief at getting the question correct, but there is still so much fear it's hard to tell. At this point he would rather be left in the dark completely than be surrounded by fire, hyper aware that it could be brought to his skin at any moment, followed by laughter. “All you need to know is you deserve it. Everything that is being done to you you deserve. You have earned every cut, bruise and burn on your body, and even this is too good for you. Do you understand that?” His father asks. He nods frantically, tears welling in his eyes, leaning towards father, desperately wanting him to touch him, he wanted to be held, wanted his father to tell him he was doing good, no matter what pain he had to suffer though, it was worth it. It was worth it to feel his hands gently move over what little of his skin wasn’t in tatters. He didn’t care what he had to do to feel his father wrap a blanket around him and pull him into his warm, strong embrace. He didn’t care what he had to do to hear his father tell him he was pleased at the cuts he made on his body. He just wanted to feel safe for a moment. 

“Hey, take his muzzle off.” His father demands, and the man with the whip roughly does so, tossing it to the side. Zuko clamps his mouth shut, running his tongue along the bruised, cut, and scarring parts of his mouth from the bit being pressed in for so long. He doesn’t know what's expected of him, but he wants his mouth closed. He doesn’t want to eat despite the fact that he is nauseous from hunger, he doesn't want to speak even if it's expected from him, he knows he’ll only speak for father, no one else is worth opening his mouth for. He doesn’t even want to part his lips for water, even if each breath feels like knives cutting at his dry mouth and throat. He can’t have that thing forced back into his mouth, he can’t take it anymore. 

“Do you know who you are?” His father asks, moving towards him, he pauses for a moment before tentatively nodding. “Who are you, then?” He asks. He doesn't want to speak, doesn't want to open his mouth, terrified when he does the muzzle will be forced back in. He turns his head to his left, pressing his mouth as close against his shoulder as he can before mumbling, barely moving his mouth: “Your failure son.” He doesn’t elaborate, not wanting to speak more than necessary. It isn’t only from fear of his mouth being open, every word was excruciating on his dry throat. “Anything else?” His father asks. It doesn’t sound like a prompt, it sounds like a genuine question. He shrugs as much as he can in this position while simultaneously shaking his head. “What do you remember before being here?” His father asks, another genuine question. He moves his head back to his shoulder before speaking again. “Bright lights. Loud noises. Hurts when I think about moments.” He mumbles, using as few words as possible to speak. “Good, that’s very good.” He hears his father praise, he almost cries with joy at how those words make him feel. “Do you remember my name?” He asks. “Father.” he answers, not sure what else it would be. “Anything else?” He shakes his head. “Do you remember your name?” Zuko shakes his head again. Should he know these things? Does father want him to know these things? He seems to not want to. He hopes father is pleased with him. Maybe he’ll pet him, maybe he’ll hold him. Father moves closer to him, wrapping his arms around him, pulling his head into the crook of his neck where he knows Zuko likes it, where he feels the most safe. “Good, you don’t have a name because of what you are. What are you? Are you a person, or are you property?” He asks? “P-property!” He sobs into his father’s shoulder. Father runs his hand over his charred, matted hair. “That's good, that’s so good. Property doesn't have a name. Who do you belong to?” He asks. “You, father.” He whispers. “Good. Do you belong to anyone else?” He asks. He nods. “A-anyone you tell me I belong to.” 

He feels father kiss his head in several places, his cheeks where tears are falling. “Look at how fast you’ve learned. Why couldn’t you have learned before I had to take such extreme measures?” Father asks, almost a bit sadly. “You wouldn’t be in this mess if you knew that from the beginning. But now you have to be punished for when you weren’t. You understand that, right?” He nods, letting out a small sob. “Your chains are going to be tightened for your next punishment, you were moving too much when you first heard the whip.” He says, rocking him gently. He must have felt him tense up in fear. “Shhhh, shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m helping you, your options to move are being limited. If you can stay quiet while the chains are being tightened, I won’t put the muzzle back on you tonight, and I’ll stay during your punishment.” Zuko nods frantically, wanting to please his father so badly. Father takes out a flask, pressing it to Zuko’s lips. With the promise of no muzzle for now he drains it as fast as he can, coughing as it chokes him a little. “Would you like more?” He nods as father presses a new flask to his lips, drinking it with as much enthusiasm as the first. 

Father moves away and he feels his heart break at the loss of him. Father nods to the men behind him as he feels the chains being unlocked and loosened for a moment before being pulled tight, too tight. He feels his arms stretched to their limit and then past that, he bites his lip so hard he draws blood, forcing himself into silence. He can’t have the muzzle back in his mouth, he can’t watch father leave the room for his worst punishment yet. He needs father’s comfort. He needs to be able to see him. Zuko does nothing to stop his entire body to wrack with silent sobs and tears stream down his cheeks. He finally hears the locks click on either of him, he has been in this position for under a minute and his arms, back, chest and neck are screaming with pain. He feels his legs start to tremble, wishing for the millionth time his father had killed him as a child as he is so often reminded. He almost cries out with dismay as he hears the chains on his ankles unlock. The chain linking his ankles together is removed and he feels his legs begin to be spread further apart. He moves lower to the ground, putting more strain on his arms and torso. He bites the inside of his cheeks, tilts his head back to breath, turns his head to bite his shoulder. Anything he can do to keep himself silent, but he can’t, once he starts screaming he can’t stop, the thought of father leaving is overshadowed by the intense pain moving through his body. Finally there is a merciful click of the cuffs in place, meaning no more stretching. 

His body is pulled so tight he can barely breath, he has to tilt his head up a little to get enough air to fill his lungs. He thought the position he was in before was vulnerable, now he can’t even flinch. He is completely immobile and exposed, every inch of him screaming in agony, he lets out ragged cries of pain with every breath. “K-ki-kill me. Pl-please kill m-me.” He quietly begs. Everyone in the room ignores his plea for mercy in the form of death. “I’m impressed.” father says, cupping his cheek. “I didn’t think you could keep quiet for that long, you held out for so long, but you failed at the last minute. I’ll put the muzzle back in after but I’ll stay for your punishment..” He says softly, kissing his temple. Zuko lets out a loud sob before speaking again. “F-father pl-please, I-I know I deserve it, bu-but it’s too m-much. I ca-can’t take it. I can’t. Father please, pl-please father. I know I-I need to be punished. I kn-know I need to be taught a lesson for being disobedient b-before, but please. I-I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Please, m-mercy. I-it hu-hurts so mu-much. I-I want t-to d-die, k-kill m-me please, i-it hurts s-so much.” He begs as sobs wrack painfully though his taught body. 

Father puts his hand to his other cheek, gently, kissing his lips. “Son, it’s okay, you're going to be okay. You have always been so fragile, think of how quickly you broke. This is a punishment, this is to train you to be respectful, but it is also to make you strong. You’re too weak.” Father says gently, kissing his neck several times before kissing his lips again. “Do you understand son?” Father asks. “Y-yes father!” Zuko sobs, his vision beginning to blur from pain. Father moves away from him, nodding to the man behind him expectantly.

He hears the whip crack, completely forgetting that being chained in this position wasn’t even the punishment. He lets out an anguished sob, feeling his whole body shaking in his limited range of motion. The next time he hears the whip crack, he feels pain raging on his back, he screams loudly, surprised he doesn’t see blood flying out of his mouth with how it tears at this throat. ‘It has multiple tails.’ He thinks with dread. He knew this was going to be painful, but now it was going to be worse. He feels it come down again, this time on his left arm, he screams again. “Please no! Please stop! Please! No pl-” He’s cut off by his own choking scream as the whip comes down again his blood spraying across the floor. “Stop! I-I can’t! I can’t ta-” He screams again, body shaking violently, blinded by his own tears. “Stop it!” he shrikes right before the whip comes down again, wrapping around his stomach. “Pl-please I-I’ll do anything, i-” he screams louder than before as the whip is brought to the most sensitive part of his inner thigh. He starts sobbing hysterically after that, occasionally making a word form, begging for mercy, but more often than not just screaming and crying in pain. “Fuck me!” he finally cries after not being able to take the thought of even one more strike. “Pl-please, f-fuck me. I-I’ll be so good for you.” He begs, as the whip comes down again along with more of his screams. “Pl-please, I-I’ll m-move however y-you want, ma-make wha-whatever n-noise you wa-want. Pl-please ju-just st-stop!” He cries, knowing that this would likely end when he was left after being raped twelve times. This could be over, he could rest, no matter how sick the feeling of any of these men moving inside of him and pleasing his body was. The whip pauses for a moment as he feels one of the men bite his scarred ear. “You’ll do that anyways, sweetheart.” He growled before whipping him again and again. The whip is passed between the two men as they circle around his body, making sure to whip every part of him. Zuko stopped begging for mercy long ago and just sobbed hysterically, barely able to breath.

The blows, laughter, and taunts suddenly come to a stop as another man runs into the room, yelling about someone being here. Zuko doesn’t stop sobbing, just because the blows stopped coming doesn’t mean every inch of his body wasn’t flooded with pain and terror. He hears the whip drop to the ground and sees one of the men pick up the muzzle, bringing it towards him. Zuko clenches his mouth closed, shaking his head wildly as one holds his head still and the other begins working on prying his mouth open. “You two go take care of them, I’ll take care of him, he listens to me.” Fathers says, taking the muzzle from one of them before he hears them run away. “Open your mouth.” Father says gently, fitting the bit into his mouth and strapping the muzzle around his head despite Zuko’s defeated whimpers. 

Father cups his muzzled cheek, looking him in the eyes. “You know you are my property, right?” He asks, Zuko nods frantically. “You know only I decide who else you belong to, yes?” Zuko nods again, confused, sure he had just been asked similar questions. “You are my property, and you only belong to me and the 12 men you have seen every day here. Act as if you belong to anyone else and you will be a rebellious son and I will have to take more extreme measures to train you. Understand?” Zuko nods again, trembling at the idea of disobeying father. Father kisses his neck before leaving.

Zuko has no idea how much time passes until someone enters the room again. During this time he can hear distant screams. The footsteps are moving at a pace much faster than anyone ever entered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, oh no, please fucking no.” He hears a male voice he doesn’t recognize say, voice trembling in fear. The man is facing him, bright blue eyes piercing into him, he has always been surrounded by the golden brown eyes of the men and father. “Oh, Zuko, turtleduck, I-I’m so sorry, we should have been here sooner, I’m so sorry.” He heard the man whisper, voice thick with tears. “Get the fuck in here! He’s in here I found him! I either need keys or Toph right fucking now!” The man screams frantically, looking around wildly at nothing before spotting the necklace, eyes quickly flitting between Zuko and it. He picks it up from its position in the frame, Zuko whimpers in fear. Opposed to relishing in Zuko’s torment the man winces, putting the fucking necklace into his pocket before coming close to Zuko again, fumbling with the muzzle, gingerly pulling it out of his mouth, casting it aside, as soon as he does Zuko clamps his mouth shut. He doesn’t understand why the man’s hand is shaking so much until he sees his face. He’s sobbing almost uncontrollably, just quietly. “I-I’m s-so sorry Zuko. I’m so sorry, I should have been there for you, I should have found you sooner, love.” The man says, tenderly wrapping his arm around his fragile body, carefully avoiding the most sensitive parts of his skin.

More out of habit, Zuko buries his face in the crook of the man’s neck, but immediately pulls back. He remembers fathers warning and...he feels and smells wrong. He doesn't feel like father, he doesn’t smell like father, he doesn’t have hair that will hide him from the world like father, and he doesn’t love him like father. Zuko glares at the man, knowing he doesn’t look threatening in his current position and is letting out a little whimper with every breath. He doesn’t care. “Hey, Zuko, turtleduck, it's just me, you're safe, I’ve got you now.” He says like that it’s supposed to mean something, like he knows the man. “Hey! Toph get the fuck in here now! He’s in metal cuffs, and someone bring a blanket, or a coat, he’s freezing!” The man yells down the hallway again. He hears multiple sets of footsteps coming into the room at random intervals of time at different paces.

The man’s teary gaze meets Zuko’s terrified one. “Zuko, love, can you hear me? Can you talk to me? I-I need you to talk to me, Zuko, please.” The man begs, he still doesn't understand the word he’s calling him. “F-fa-father. Wh-whe-where’s fa-father?” He sobs, filled with terror and confusion. He wanted father to come find him, to make the man leave, to hold him, hide him, make love to him, and make him feel safe, wanted, and loved, no matter how much father’s love hurt. He needed it. “It’s okay, Zuko. He will never hurt you again, he’ll never come near you, you’ll never have to see him.” Zuko feels his world shatter. He needed father, he was what held everything in Zuko’s life in orbit. Without him he wouldn’t have anything to ground him, he wouldn’t have a sanctuary, he wouldn’t have rest, he wouldn’t have a reason to keep going if he wasn’t pleasing father. Every breath of air feels like razors and as much air as he takes in he feels like he’s suffocating, he starts breathing faster, trying to bring in more air but he just hears himself sobbing in absolute terror. “Zuko, hey, it’s alright, you’re safe now, I’m bringing you home, I-fuck Toph, you’re hear, get him down.” The man says to someone behind him. Zuko is more focused on the first part of what he says. “N-no, do-don’t take m-me. Fa-father w-wi-will b-be ma-mad. Ca-can’t di-diss-dissapoint hi-him a-again. H-he l-lo-loves m-me now.” He sobs. They can’t take him. Zuko can’t fight them off. Father will blame him for being too weak. All of the love he had earned from his pain would dissipate and he couldn’t bear that. The man in front of him lets out a broken sob. “Zuko, He-”

“St-stop calling me tha-that! Wh-why are you ca-calling m-me that?” Zuko screams, so fucking overwhelmed. “Zuko? It’s your name.” The man says, confused. Zuko shakes his. “P-pr-property doesn’t ha-have a na-name.” he chokes out, wanting the man to leave who starts crying harder. “Oh...son...no, no.” He hears a voice to his left say that which he doesn’t recognize. He didn’t hear him come in, but it isn’t father’s voice, no one but father should call him that. “Toph just get him down...we can figure out what’s wrong later.” Another voice says, softer and feminine, the kind of voice he hadn’t heard since he was brought here, the kind of voice that came from someone safer than any man. He feels a little better, but not much. 

He feels the right cuff being pulled away from right wrist in a way he has never felt before, and then that arm is free. His weight doesn't shift to his left arm, the man holds him in his trembling arms. The cuff is peeled away from his left wrist in the same manner, and Zuko doesn’t slump to the ground. The man holds him. He feels the cuffs pulled off of his left and right ankles, letting out a small whimper of relief when he feels the man help him close his legs, no longer spread so far apart he might break. The man gently brings him to his knees, resting Zuko’s body against his to prop him up. “Suki, hand me the blanket.” Zuko hears the man say before he feels the warm and soft fabric wrapped around his shaking shoulders and body before being lifted back into the man’s arms, feeling him begin to walk. “I hope seeing him like this has changed your mind, Aang.” He says to someone behind him, only turning his head a little as he walks. “You don’t have to do it yourself, but don’t protect the three still alive. They can’t live.” He says, walking away. 

Zuko feels himself being carried up flights of stairs and down hallways for what feels like an eternity before he is greeted by the warm air of the outside world. He begins to whimper a little with how good it feels, warmth seeping into his bones and filling his lungs as he hasn’t felt for so long. “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay my love.” The man whispers as he hears the ground underneath his feet turn to metal. “You’re safe, you won’t be harmed again, no one will hurt you, I’ll protect you.” The man says laying Zuko down on the metal floor, but cradling his head is his lab, brushing a small clump of burned, matted hair from his face. “I’m never letting you go again. You’ll never be hurt again.” Zuko glances at the man’s face. He hasn’t seen anyone look so broken or heard anyone cry in a long time, It had always been him breaking and crying. Seeing it on someone else was odd.

He hears several sets of footsteps and Zuko sees people begin to flood in, all looking awful. “Aang let us kill them, they’re all dead.” The woman who had spoken in the room says. She wore a long green dress and had a red and white face. “Th-the m-men a-are de-dead?” He asks hopefully. He never wanted them to touch him again, he didn’t want them burning him, beating him, or fucking him while touching every secret place on his body, the whole time through all of these, laughing and degrading him. The woman nods. Zuko doesn’t say or do anything to acknowledge her answer. Then she is kneeling down, leaning towards him and softly kissing his cheek before sitting next to him, taking his hand in hers and pressing another kiss into the palm of his hand before she starts crying and apologizing to him, making similar promises to the man about never leaving him or letting anyone hurt him again. They couldn’t stop that. If father wanted him to bleed, he would bleed for father, He would bleed for his love. He feels himself being crowded by people, people talking to him, people touching him, even though the touches are light it feels like hands are grabbing at him, pulling him apart to try and find any piece of him that might please them. He can’t stop crying.

“Everyone back the fuck up.” A woman with long brown hair and dressed in blue says sternly. “Sokka, you can still hold his head, Suki you can still hold his hand, but everyone else give us some space. You don’t have to go where you can’t see him but we need some space. Also, Azula, can you start a fire and get us heading home?” Zuko feels people letting go of him, backing away as the woman commands. “Th-tha-thank y-you.” He whimpers, before locking his jaw again. “You’re welcome. I’m going to heal you, to do so i need to touch you with my hands and water. Is there anywhere you want me to start or not touch yet?” She asks, Zuko listens for malice and hears none. He figures that if she is going to start with where he doesn't want to be touched, she’ll find out what that place is soon enough anyways and use it to hurt him then, and she’ll still hurt him now if that's what she wants. But she isn’t a man...she’s safer...less cruel. She at least won’t fuck him. If she does want to help him, he may as well be honest, get what he wants. “D-don’t to-touch m-my mo-mo-o-uth.” He finally says. The woman nods and true to her word, begins to unravel the cloth on the fabric on his wrist that isn't being held by the other woman. He had already forgotten what the healer had called her. 

Everything from what has just happened that night begins to catch up with him. Zuko feels his eyes grow heavy, trying to stay awake. Father liked to see him weep from exhaustion, even when he was in a position he could rest, it meant he was fighting his own body to obey father. “Get some rest, my little turtleduck.” The man says to him, petting his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Get some rest, you need it.” Zuko’s eyes flicker closed and he slips into unconsciousness, not wanting to argue with the man over that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it should be getting better after this, It is a long rode to recovery for Zuko that he hasn't even started  
> if there is anything you want in it again pls tell me, also just in general I like hearing from people:)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter in which not a single person is okay, Zuko is just the least okay

Azula watches her brother lay on the ground, covered in blood, what looked like vomit, and something else she really didn’t want to think about. That couldn’t have been done to her brother. She doesn’t hide her tears, her shaking shoulders, or quiet cries of sorrow. She is on the ground a few feet from Zuko, knees pulled to her chest but her head facing forward. She may normally feel embarrassed, but there isn’t a single person with dry eyes. Every so often, Zuko makes a little whimper, she can’t tell if it’s from the pain or fear, likely both, it breaks her heart every time. He sounds so broken, so scared, so alone. She couldn’t stop hearing Zuko saying that he was property, she couldn’t stop hearing him begging for father. The man who had tormented him, the man who made him believe he was property, the man who made Zuko look at Sokka, the water tribe boy who he was so in love with, as if he didn’t know him and his body filled with terror and voice with confusion. She knew it was going to be bad, but how had Ozai done this in three months? If it wasn’t for his scar, she wouldn’t have even recognized him.

She was worried she might regret what she did to father, and a part of her does, but not for the reason she was worried about. She was scared that part of her would still want his approval, crave it and now never be able to achieve it. She was worried she might slip back off the edge of insanity, back to who she was before, a person who she doesn’t want to be ever again. She was upset because now father couldn’t suffer anymore, she couldn’t tear him apart like he had done to Zuko. She wants to kill him again, and again, more slowly and painfully each time.

She remembers that moment with clarity. She, Toph and Suki had attacked Ozai brutally, breaking his legs so he couldn’t run, breaking his arms so he couldn’t fight, breaking his ribs so it hurt to breath, slashing open his skin so his dark clothes were saturated with blood. She remembers the look in his eyes as she held blue fire burning bright in her hands as he lay helpless on the ground. She saw his eyes widen in fear for a moment, but then go back to his cruel demeanor when she just stood there, fire growing brighter. He had opened his mouth to say something, but then she attacked, starting at his feet, working up to his abdomen where her fire would leave more fatal damage. She remembered his screams of agony and look of shock and horror as his daughter burned him alive. After several minutes she had left nothing but a charred body in her wake, her family’s tormentor reduced to what he turned everything he touched into: ash. When she turns to face Suki and Toph she hadn’t noticed they were fighting others who had come to Ozai’s rescue. Two, were laying on the ground, dead, and Azula was about to intervene when Toph created a stalagmite and sent it through his chest. They had walked away, leaving him to die alone, his last breaths a testament to his lungs filling with blood. Zuko’s captors were all brutal and the others hadn’t had much luck with not killing them while still being effective. She was glad. Fuck them.

At the end of the fight they had three prisoners. Aang and Katara had taken them, Aang being the pacifist, and Katara wanting to not resort to violence as much now that the war was over and she took pride as a healer. She also knew not killing meant a lot to the avatar, and they were quite close, but the second she saw Zuko covered in his own blood, shaking in pain and horror, arms and legs looking like they were about to be ripped from his body, her face had darked. She wanted them dead. They all did, except Aang of course. Sokka had been the one to say it for them as he walked away from his broken fiance. Aang had followed closely so he wouldn’t have to watch the men killed, he was never malicious, never a fan of spilt blood. Katara, Hakoda, Ty Lee, and Mai and killed the three remaining men that had tortured Zuko. They left their bodies where they fell, refusing to honor their bodies even in death. It could serve as a warning in flesh and blood to anyone who supported her father. They would die too, painfully and without mercy. 

They all just now watched Katara heal Zuko’s broken, boney body in silence, unable to look away, unable to talk about what they were seeing. Their silence was only broken by a particularly loud sob from one of them every so often, or Zuko becoming partially conscious. She wanted to kill father again and again and again. It’s what he deserved, it’s what Azula deserved to do, it’s what Zuko deserved to be done for him. She knew this was going to take years for Zuko to recover from, if he ever fully did. He was completely traumatized, he was confused, when he referred to himself he sounded like he genuinely couldn’t remember his own name, hopefully it was the shock and this wasn’t something chronic. If he didn't know his own fucking name, what else had he forgotten? Would he ever get those memories back? She broke down in tears as she sees her brother wake up a little and start crying in pain, softly begging for the man who had done this to him. 

Hakoda didn’t relish in violence, hurting and killing others was never something he enjoyed, not something he looked forward to, but when at war or when your family is threatened, you have to do what needs to be done. But when Hakoda saw Zuko’s broken body wedged in a cruel and painful looking position, he wanted nothing more than to kill the men who had done this, watch the life drain from their eyes, proving to himself they could never touch that boy again. Zuko was so scared, he was in so much pain, he was so confused, he looked right past Sokka as if he couldn’t recognize him. Hakoda wanted blood. Ever since he held Zuko’s shaking body at the air temple, sobbing as Hakoda had pulled him close to his chest, fears he had of his own father draining out of him a little when he looked at Hakoda, he had decided that Zuko was his child and he would love him like a father should. A father who loves his children and is there to be their biggest supporter, not the demon that haunts their mind. These men had tortured his child for almost four fucking months, leaving him in such a vulnerable position so Zuko could do nothing to protect himself. How long had been left like that, how often? The deep, infected cuts on his wrist said almost continuously. If that were true, standing that long would leave him in chronic pain, likely for the rest of his life if Katara couldn’t do something about it.

When Zuko spoke, saying wanted his father, belivinging that his father loved him, that he was his property, It shattered Hakoda’s heart. He didn’t know what Ozai had done to him but it made Zuko need him despite everything that was being done. He didn’t want to imagine what fucked up shit had been done to him. He had briefly examined Zuko’s body when he walked into the room to see what had been done, it was glaringly obvious that he had been frequently and repetitively raped. That definitely meant that Ozai hadn’t been his only tormenter and the others had plenty of time to hurt him. No matter how awful Ozai was, he wouldn’t even go as far as to touch his own son like that...would he? No, he couldn’t. No father could do that, no matter how cruel. 

Sokka and Suki had looked dead for the past few months, losing someone that close to them had hurt them deeply, and Sokka had told him why they felt so guilty. Hakoda couldn’t convince him it wasn’t either of their fault, they had left Zuko in a place that was supposed to be safe, not in danger. He watched his son break when he saw Zuko. Hakoda had seen the muzzle laying on the ground, not even able to imagine how painful that thing must have been. It must have been to keep him quiet considering they were under the mansion of a public official and hearing constant screams from the basement when someone was visiting would have raised suspicion, but the jagged parts sticking into his mouth were unnecessarily cruel. He wasn’t shocked when Zuko had told Katara he didn’t want his mouth touched, but it didn’t hurt him any less knowing how it must have traumatized that boy. He doubts Zuko will ever recover from this. He tries to push the thoughts out of his head that Zuko wouldn’t survive this. He wouldn’t die from his injuries, he would die from the demons in his mind. Hakoda was terrified once his son was well enough to move, he would take his own life the first chance he got.

Suki can’t stop the tears from flowing from her eyes as she looks at Zuko. She doesn’t regret killing anyone that she did. She’s happy they’re all dead. Zuko had always been skinny, but this was insane. She could easily count every single one of his ribs, his stomach is caved in, his cheeks are hollow, his eyes are sunken with shadows so dark it looks like his right eye has been bruised. There’s dried vomit on his chest and stomach, the rest of him is covered in blood and dirt. There isn’t a square inch of his body that isn’t covered in burns, cuts, or bruises. There are bruises around his neck, arms, hips and thighs in the shape of hand prints. The location of some of these bruises speaks volumes as to what the substance dried between his thighs is, but she doesn’t think about it. She had long since switched to holding Zuko’s other hand once Katara had healed to the worst injuries on that arm and she let herself cry, holding Zuko’s hand, pressing the palm to her lip every so often. 

They had had begun to flip him onto his stomach but Zuko had woken up, frantically begging them to let him rest, that he was already so sore and so tired, he sobbed in desperation to be allowed to lay back down, sounding like he didn’t expect them to allow it. Suki didn’t hold herself back from sobbing when she realized what Zuko must have thought they were going to do, what must have happened to him so recently, how all he could do was beg for mercy that he knew would never come. She insists that Katara rest, that she's been healing Zuko for hours and she’s on the verge of collapse. They eventually get her to lay down when they’re about half an hour from the palace, insisting that Zuko will definitely survive the night with his injuries, He’ll be cleaned and his wounds will be bandaged at the palace. She can heal him in the morning after a good night’s sleep and a good meal. What they don’t say is his worst injuries aren't physical because they all know it. The cuts aren’t going to be what kills him. 

When they land, Sokka lifts Zuko into his arms, walking quickly out of the airship and to the hospital wing. Everything seems like a blur as he grudgingly hands Zuko’s precious, fragile body over to a healer, watching dumbly as he’s bathed. He cries as he watches Zuko whimper in fear, trying to fight against the healers, but too weak to do anything but splash water out of the tub. He watches, growing more sick as the water turns a dark brown with the layers of fifth covering Zuko’s body. He was glad to see it gone, it meant he didn’t have to think about the dried substance between his thighs, knowing what had been done to him. It means that Sokka doesn’t have to think about the fact that these men had taken something that was supposed to be gentle, beautiful and loving between people who would do anything to each other and turned it into something violent and cruel. He would be surprised if Zuko ever let him kiss him, or hold him lovingly against his chest again, let alone make love to him. 

When Zuko is finally pulled out of the tub, Sokka lets out a gut wrenching sob. He can see everything that marks Zuko’s pale skin, he’s never going to look the same, he’s never going to feel safe again, he’s never going to be the same. He thinks, shaking. He watches silently as his wounds are dressed and the charred remains of his hair are cut to a more even length to a little above his shoulders. Sokka loved Zuko’s hair, and he knew Suki did too. She would sit with him, braiding it into intricate designs, weaving flowers into it, brushing it. Zuko’s hair was beautiful, he loved running his fingers through it when they were standing together outside, when Zuko was curled up in Sokka’s arms, when Sokka was inside of him, drawing out every little beautiful sound he made. Sokka forced himself to think about this superficially, the second he didn’t, all he could think about was how someone had taken his sensitive, compassionate little turtleduck and torn him apart for entertainment and power. 

Iroh enters the room, very slowly, Sokka watches dozens of emotions cross his face before breaking down in quiet, choked cries. They all stand there, watching, Iroh seems to want to go over to see his nephew, but can’t move. “Okay,” Toph begins. “No one is helping Sparky by just staring at him. Iroh, you can stay for now, I’ll determine how he reacts to you. Katara, Azula, Suki, Mai, and Ty Lee, you can stay, everyone else, fuck off. He reacts not horribly to those five along with myself. He needs to wake up to someone he isn’t scared of. People who I have named, you don’t have to stay, fuck off if you want.” Sokka leaves the room with the others. He doesn’t connect the fact that the people who Zuko wasn’t afraid of were all women. 

Iroh works up the courage to walk over to his broken nephew, entire body shaking. He sits down next to his bed, trembling hands cupping his hollow cheek and stroking his inky hair, letting tears fall on the mattress. “I’m so sorry, nephew.” He sobs, touching his forehead gently to Zuko’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” Zuko is so hurt, he’s so broken, Iroh wishes he could take all of this from him, the pain, the trauma. He would bear it on his own body and in his own mind if he could. He would do it in a second if he could. He feels Zuko stir, fighting to crack his eyes open, whimpering quietly. “Nephew?” He asks softly. “Zuko, can you hear me? It’s your uncle Iroh, you’re home, you’re safe.” He says.

Zuko’s eyes widen, sitting up despite his cries of pain. Iroh goes to embrace him, to hold him close, to keep him safe. He expects to be met with a limp, broken body, clutching desperately at his clothes and crying. He doesn’t expect to feel his nephew’s nails digging into his face and clawing at his eyes. “G-Ge-get th-the fu-fuck away fr-from m-me!” He screams, snarling at him. Iroh, is taken aback, feeling the shards of his heart grind into his chest. “Zuko, it’s okay, it’s just me, it’s your uncle Iroh. Please.” He moves towards him again. Zuko starts flailing wildly feeling feet, fists and nails come into contact with him, He sees Zuko’s bandages begin to stain red from the exertion. “Fa-father ha-hates you! Y-yo-you’re pa-part o-of the re-reason I was a ba-bad so-son. I-I do-don’t kn-know how, bu-but fa-father said so a-and he’s ri-right! A-always! G-get a-away! Fa-father lo-loves m-me n-now! Do-don’t ta-take th-that! Fu-fuck y-you!” Zuko screams like he’s lost his mind. ‘He had.’ Iroh thinks. He doesn’t remember when he’s pulled away by healers or when he starts crying so hard he can’t breath. Ozai had taken everything. He’d pushed Zuko too far. He’d done what he did to Azula but more extreme. Ozai had made it so he was what made Zuko’s world go round. His approval was everything. 

He watches as the pain wells in his chest at healers pin his terrified nephew down, forcing his mouth open and drugging him. They were sedating him. Zuko flailing around screaming in horror was going to help no one and make his condition worse. Iroh can’t breath, he can’t see, he can’t think. His nephew had been tortured to insanity. He had learned to fear him. He vaguely feels himself being led away from the hospital wing to his room. Iroh just stairs ahead, numb.

Toph hadn’t made the connection that Zuko was scared of other men either, she just knew sparky was fucking terrified and should wake up to some familiar faces to wake up to, the ones who he had reacted best to. He was probably confused, and didn't recognize everyone in his time of panic. He wasn’t thinking clearly and was already hard of hearing and partially blind. Once Zuko had calmed down, realized he was safe, he would be reintroduced to the others, slowly growing comfortable around them again. Sparky already had so much trouble trusting people and she didn’t want to think about the possibility of him not trusting them again. She couldn’t think about it. 

Everyone but Katara stays in the room that Toph allows. They decide that she needs to rest and there won’t be a medical emergency. Anything minor can be taken care of by the non waterbending healers. She agrees and they all settle in for the night. Mai, Ty Lee, and Suki sleep in the other bed in the room, Toph sleeps on the ground because she wants to, and despite tired arguments from everyone, Azula gets in bed with Zuko, pulling his tiny body gently to hers. They all soon fall asleep, nightmares plaguing all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me for what I did to Iroh.   
> Also please comment:)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko's speech is so bad because his tongue is bruised and swollen, the rest of his mouth is pretty cut and bruised up he's kind of touching his teeth together when he talks, he's confused and just straight up scared, don't be too hard on my boy:(
> 
> Also who want to join the find a way to being Ozai back to life just to kill him again club?

Zuko feels something soft underneath him, he feels his face pressed against the warm rising and falling of someone’s chest, protective arms around him. It feels...wrong. Zuko doesn’t remember father taking him to bed with him, he remembered lounging and begging for father but him never coming. The body feels wrong too. The arms are strong but not bulking with strong muscle. The chest is softer. He stirs gently, whimpering softly at the movement. His body is in so much pain. It comes back to him, Zuko remembers being stretched out painfully far and being whipped. After that it was so, so confusing all he could do was whimper. Zuko must have passed out and been tormented in his mine, he remembers in it he was being grabbed at by strangers who told him he would never see father again, who were taking him away from him. Zuko must have passed out and father must have taken him to bed to recover. Father said he wouldn’t push him too far again. He was keeping his promise, not letting him get to the point he did last time. Father loved him. Father loved him so much, Zuko had never felt happier. He lets out a tiny sob of gratitude. 

“Zuko?” A voice says in his ear. A voice he knew was familiar, a voice he couldn’t place. The voice was feminine, a voice no one with father had. A voice no one who owned him had. Fear clenches at him, he whimpers again, struggling to lift his head and open his eyes. “Hey Zuko, It’s alright, you’re alright, you’re safe.” The woman says, kissing his nose gently. Zuko opens his eyes, blinking multiple times to clear his vision. The woman is laying next to him in a bed, one arm around him, the other cupping his face. She has long black hair, golden eyes, and pale skin. Zuko is relieved to see someone who looks like his owners, not the strange men and the woman with dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes, or the woman with red hair and green eyes, or the bald man with tattoos. He feels a little better, a little less scared. “Wh-who a-are you? Wh-whe-where’s fa-a-ther?” He whimpers, he needs this nightmare to end, he needs father to hold him to his chest, make things make sense again. 

The woman looks so sad. She looks like doesn't know how to answer him. “Do you not remember me?” She asks eventually. Zuko shakes his head. “I’m Azula. Your sister.” She says sadly, pulling him a little closer. “A-az-zula.” Zuko repeats quietly, knowing he has heard the name before. He vaguely remembers that he has a sister, one that his father was proud of, one who he didn’t have to punish. Zuko had a sister who was a good, obedient daughter, who could please her father without needing to be punished. “Th-the o-one fa-ath-th-er is pro-o-ud of.” He says, hoping she was the one. If she was, he could learn from her. He could learn to please father. He didn’t know what was going on. Maybe father would understand that he was trying to be a good, obedient son if he saw that he was learning from someone else. Maybe father wouldn’t punish him more severely if he just waited for him to come. He didn’t know who he belonged to...maybe Azula could own him? Had father left him in bed with his sister to show him he belonged to her? Father hadn’t said so explicitly...but Zuko didn’t know who else to turn to...he couldn’t guide himself...he didn’t know how, he fucked up last time, he couldn’t do it again. He also couldn’t remember how to navigate the world without father’s constraints. He could belong to his sister. She could make him better. She could train him. She could punish him.

“I guess you could say that.” Azula says distantly. Zuko tries to wrack his memory for the question that he had even asked her, he couldn’t remember, she had taken a long time to answer and he had been lost in his mind. He tries to remember what he asked and can’t, he is so fucking overwhelmed. He feels himself start to hyperventilate, no air being enough for him, he feels tears already rolling down his cheeks. Less than five minutes in and he had already made a terrible impression on his new owner, he’s going to be punished. He’s so scared, so lost, already in so much pain and can’t take anymore. “I-I’m sorry!” He sobs, shaking in her arms “I-I’m so-sorry, pl-please do-don’t pu-punish m-me...D-didn’t m-mean to. Pl-please, I ca-can’t take a-anymore!” He cries, not expecting any mercy from her, but he can’t help but to beg. 

Azula pulls him closer, gently rubbing his back. “Shhhh, I-It’s okay, you’ve done nothing wrong. I would never hurt you. Never.” She says, evenly shaking, she was silently crying. “What’s going on? What’s wrong with Zuko?” A blearly voice says from behind him. Zuko flinches a little, not realizing anyone else was there, burning his face deepering into Azula’s chest as he cries, desperate for shelter. “It’s alright Toph, please give him some space. He’s just scared and overwhelmed right now.” He hears Azula say, before she begins to quietly hum a simple melody. He presses his good ear against her chest, the low vibrations soothing as she gently rubs his back. He feels his breath come easier and his sobs slowly stop until he is breathing evenly against her chest.

“I-I’m sorry.” He whispers. “Please, Zuko, it’s okay. What are you apologizing for. I promise, whatever it is, I won’t punish you, I won’t hurt you, I won’t let anyone else hurt you either, okay?” She says. Zuko nods, realizing that she was calling him by that name...he wasn’t sure if she had earlier, being as upset as he was. Maybe she didn’t know he was property or didn’t know that she owned him? “I-I couldn’t re-remember wha-what qu-question you w-were an-answering.” He says quietly, expecting her to at least slap him or yell at him for his stupidity. Instead he sees tears roll down her cheeks as she holds him closer. “You had asked if I was the daughter our father was proud of. I said yes.” She answers calmly. “Tha-thank you, s-s-sister. H-how ca-can I-I sh-show y-you i-i’m s-sorry a-and g-grateful for y-your c-compassion?” He whimpers. He hears a quiet sob behind him at his comment, flinching a little. Azula just looks sad. “Would you be willing to eat some food and drink some water?” She asks eventually. Zuko nods frantically, forgetting how hungry he was until the mention of food, his stomach growling loudly at the mention of it. He was constantly nauseous and in pain, and sometimes it was hard to distinguish if he was nauseous from hunger, anxiety, or the vivid memory of rape. It was hard to tell if his pain gnawing at his stomach was from hunger, fear, or a particularly bad beating. Zuko doesn’t understand how this is making up his mistake to her, but now that food is on his mind its all he can think about, He needs to fucking eat, no matter why Azula wants it.

“How does soup sound to you? Something thin, mostly bone broth and rice?” Zuko nods again. “Toph, I think there’s a servant in the next room, could you get them to bring that and anything you want?” Azula asks the woman now standing behind him. She nods once, leaving. As she comes back into the room, Azula is propping up pillows so that Zuko can be moved into a comfortable sitting position. “S-sister?” Zuko asks quietly. “Hmm?” Azula mumbles in response. “D-do y-you own me?” Azula’s eyes widen in shock. “What the fuck?” A voice says behind him, he can vaguely see it's the woman in green with auburn hair. “Zuko...no.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Th-then wh-who owns m-me?” He asks, growing frantic, feeling fear rise in his chest. “Wh-where’s father?” 

“No one fucking owns you, Zuko, you’re a person. Don’t worry about Ozai, he can never hurt you again.” A new voice says, a woman with long black hair and all black clothes. Zuko lets out a loud sob, clutching at his head, shaking. “St-stop ca-calling m-me that! I-I’m pr-property! Property do-doesn’t g-get a name! P-property needs t-to be owned!” He screams, confusion and fear filling him as he breaks down into hysterical sobs. He feels his body being shifted gently so that Azula is behind him and he is pulled between her legs, back resting against her chest, facing away from her, still in a sitting position. Her arms wrap around him, rocking him gently, but he can’t calm down. “Wh-where’s father? I-I wa-want fa-father.” He sobs. He wants anything from his father. He would be grateful if his father came and beat him until he couldn’t move, he would be grateful if father came and fucked him so hard he couldn’t breath, he would be grateful if father came and locked him away again. He just wanted father, he didn’t care what happened after that. “I-I want f-fa-a-ther!” He screams louder. He tries to breath, tries to calm down, he can’t, he's so confused. He needs something to hold him in place.

“Azula owns you.” The woman in metal standing next to the bed says loudly and sternly, everyone looks at her. “Your father thought that it would be easier for you to transition ownership to your sister if you didn’t know. He wouldn’t elaborate why, I guess he didn’t expect you to freak out. Isn’t that right, Azula.” She says harshly, looking at her. “Wha-” Azula begins but is quickly cut off by the woman. “You own Zuko. Don’t you Azula? I think all interested parties would agree it is what is best for him. Yes?” She practically growls. “Yes.” Azula finally says quietly. “I own you, Zuko.” She says, sounding sad. Zuko flinches at the name. “Pl-please don’t ca-call me that n-name...I-I’m pr-property...I-I’m a th-thing.” He whimpers, looking at his hands. He knew he had a different owner, but he needed rules, he needed the rules to be the same. This was a big one. Father had taught him that calling him by his name made him think he was a person, like he had rights. He thought that father didn’t want him to acknowledge his name, to learn to ignore the voice in the back of his mind whispering his name. He was surprised that father had been pleased when Zuko forgot his name entirely. All eyes are on him now, horrified. 

“What would you like us to call you then?” Azula asks sadly, holding him close. Zuko shrugs. “J-just not th-that...pl-please, I-I’m tr-trying...makes it harder.” He whispers. “Whatever you need, we’ll do it.” The woman with long brown hair in a single braid says, giving him a small smile. “Sparky!” The woman in metal says enthusiastically. Zuko flinches violently, not just because of her yelling, because of the name. “P-please n-no f-fi-fire. A-and n-not sw-sweethert o-or pet. S-sorry” He whimpers, only able to think of the flames biting into his exposed and damaged skin and the names the men called him as they grabbed at his helpless body, seeking pleasure in every crevice. He was given so little choice. He would take any choices he was given now. The woman’s face looks extremely concerned, everyone does. They are all quiet for a long moment. “Turtleduck?” The auburn haired woman says. The name brings back the feeling of memories, those where he is safe, where he is loved, a name that someone who loves him calls him. Zuko nods quietly. Before several servants with trays of food walk in, laying them on the beds. Azula picks up a bowl of soup, slowly feeding it to Zuko, the soup warming him to his core, his entire body relaxing. 

Azula feels absolutely sick as she slowly feeds Zuko his soup. She fucking owned her brother. She knows he’s too weak to hold the bowl without spilling it and she doesn’t want to send him into a fit of absolute terror at making a simple mistake like spilling his soup on them. ‘What did Ozai do to you Zuko?’ She wonders, wishing she could ask him. He whimpers a little while he’s eating, it was probably because he was fucking starved and he needed food so badly. She tips the bowl back to his lips a little at a time, he drinks the broth easily so she pushed a little bit of the solids towards the edge with it so he isn’t left with just the rice, vegetables and meat at the bottom, not sure if he can chew well in his current state. She gives him about half a minute between each mouthful, making sure he eats slowly, not wanting to overwhelm his starving body and make him sick. ‘It’s probably why there was dried vomit down his front.’ Everyone has their eyes on the two of them as she feeds Zuko, barely touching their own food. They’re all painfully aware of how fucked up it was that Toph had to tell Zuko that Azula fucking owned him to get him to calm down. How fucked up it was that Zuko genuinely believed that he was property that could be owned. How fucked up it was that Zuko, a fire bender couldn’t even be referred to as a form of fire without fear of fucking fire seizing him. How Zuko couldn’t even be called his own fucking name. 

She really doesn’t know how to proceed from here. She needs to have an idea of what’s going on in Zuko’s head and what their father had done to him. She was supposed to have briefly communicated with Ozai who handed fucking ownership of a fucking person over to her. She needs to know what to say to him, keep up a halfway believable act for a few days (she hopes it will only take that long) before Zuko’s mind settles and he’s able to begin to revert to his normal self, but he needs to rest his mind and body. For that to happen she needs to understand what is expected of her so she can begin to heal him. Come up with some lie that it's what Ozai had wanted and she was supposed to heal him. She’ll make him feel safe, help let his mind rest. Katara can heal his body. Once he isn’t so traumatized he’ll likely begin to remember stuff he’s forgotten. He can remember his friends, his family, know he’s safe and not want his fucking lifelong abuser. 

Zuko finally finishes his bowl of soup and Azula takes it, setting his bowl beside her, handing him a cup of water which he holds with both hands, drinking in small sips. “Zu...turtleduck.” She begins softly, it feels odd to call her brother that, at least it sounds like a term of endearment and not something weird...well it is weird...at least not creepy. “Y-yes?” He says softly. She notices that there hasn’t been a single thing he has said without a bad stutter, his speech is another thing they will need to work on. It probably doesn't help that he is almost always speaking with his teeth touching, not quite grit, and when he isn’t eating or drinking she can see his mouth clamped tight, when he wasn’t holding something, he would sometimes guard his mouth with a hand. She doesn’t even want to know where that came from, she remembered he didn’t want Katara touching his mouth when healing him. It must be bad. 

“Father was in a rush when he handed you over to me.” She begins carefully. “There was a lot going on, he told me that I owned you now and you were my responsibility. He said that you would tell me what that entailed, he had to leave immediately...he doesn’t know when he’ll be back for you.” She says this, hoping that it gives enough reason for Zuko to share information about what happened, at least vaughly. It also gave him reason not to lie if he had fear that father was going to come back and knew he had lied to her. That was definitely a bit manipulative on her part...but she had good intentions...she didn’t want to hurt him with the information she got. That was okay, right? Zuko looks at his cup, slowly opening his mouth but then flinching when the door opens and Katara walks in. He presses closer against Azula, seeming to seek comfort in her. “Sorry I got held up, Aang wanted some help shaving his head, his hair has grown out a little the last few weeks and he cut the back of his head and is being a little bitch about it.” She says, giving Zuko a small smile which falls when she sees him flinch again. 

“Turtleduck,” Azula says softly, ignoring the odd look she is given by Katara at the name. “This is Katara, she’s a very skilled healer. She wants to help you. She needs to touch you, is that okay?” She asks softly, rocking him gently in her arms. Zuko seems hesitant before nodding shakily. “Okay, your back is in bad shape, can you let me touch it. You can kneel, lay on your stomach or your side, whatever you like.” She says softly. Azula is so glad that Katara has good bedside manner along with excellent healing skills, able to pick up on Zuko’s needs and fears easily. Zuko looks hesitant before he starts to struggle to his knees, Azula helps him kneel and face towards her, surprised when Zuko buries his face in the crook of her neck and clutching onto her clothes and Katara begins to slowly undo the bandages. To access the marks left by a whip. 

“Can you tell me what father wants?” Azula asks, shooting Katara a glance that she hopes says that she will explain later and to not contradict her. She feels Zuko shift a little so his forehead is pressed against Azula’s shoulder and his mouth isn’t muffled by her body. “H-he sa-said I wa-was a di-disobed-d-ient s-son wh-who n-nee-ee-ded to learn re-respect. S-said I-I had to b-be tr-trained. H-had t-to s-suffer. I-I d-deserv-ved all of i-it.” He chokes out. Azula wants to cry. From the corner of her eye she sees that Ty Lee isn’t stopping herself from doing so, Suki looks pissed, Mai’s face is unreadable but dark, Katara looks shocked and overwhelmingly sad, and Toph looks ready to murder anyone who says the wrong thing to her. “Well father must think you’ve learned.” She says softly, Zuko pulls away a little and she can see his expression. He looks like he doesn’t dare to hope she’s telling the truth. “Father’s instructions were that he wants us to begin to heal you. Heal your body, let your mind rest. He wants you better.” She sees tears rolling down Zuko’s face before he flings his arms around Azula, hugging her tightly. Katara looks mildly annoyed at his movement but doesn’t say anything, she has always been understanding despite her short temper. 

“Th-thank y-yo, th-thank you, I-I d-don-n-n’t kn-know how mu-uch more I could take.” He says through his tears. Azula feels her own prick in her eyes. “You’re safe now turtleduck, no more pain. I’ve got you.” She says softly, glad that this went better than she expected. So far so good. Now they just had to undo months of severe trauma and brainwashing. Should be easy enough. “D-does thi-is mea-an no more muz-z-zzle?” He asks tentatively, Azula can’t stop her tears from falling as she cups his cheek gently. “No more muzzle. If there is anything else you need or want please ask. I won’t punish you for asking, okay? The worst I’ll do is say no, okay?” She says softly. Zuko nods.

“Can I-I do wha-at I wa-ant wi-with m-m-my hair?” He asks tentatively. “Of course you can.” Azula responds, wondering if he wants her to style it for him. “M-mi-iss healer?” He asks after a long minute. “Yes?” Katara responds. “And you can call me Katara if you would like.” Zuko nods. “Ka-kata-ara? Y-you know h-how to sha-ave someone’s he-head?” He asks, looking at the mattress. “Yes, why? Do you want me to shave your head?” She looks confused. Azula is definitely confused, Zuko had always loved his hair and it was very culturally important in the Fire Nation, especially for royals, the fucking Fire Lord at that. Zuko nods, and looks are passed around the room. “Why do you want that?” Katara asks, still not having stopped healing Zuko’s marred back. “Do-don’t wa-ant m-my ha-hair pu-pulled a-anymore. B-by an-anyo-one.” He chokes out. 

Katara gives him a sad look. “Of course I’ll shave your head, can it wait until I finish your healing session for now? No one will pull your hair until then. You have all of us to protect you from anyone who may want to harm you.” Azula is very grateful that Katara is who she is. She may drive her crazy and be the most stubborn person she knows, but she’s kind, smart, and effective. 

“Do you want to meet the other people here while Katara heals you? They’re all kind and they want to help you, I trust them all.” Zuko nods. She looks at them expectantly. Of course, Ty Lee goes first. 

“I’m Ty Lee. I’m part of a group of women soldiers called the Kyoshi warriors led by Suki here.” She says pointing to Suki, who waves. “I was born in the Fire Nation, joined the circus, got close with the girls in prison and they let me join their group. This is my girlfriend, Mai, she seems intimidating because she is but she can be very sweet and affectionate if she wants to be.” She says, going to kiss Mai’s cheek who pushed her away with one hand smirking a little. Suki pipes up next. “Well I’m Suki, I lead the Kyoshi warriors as Ty Lee said and now I live in the Fire Nation but I was born in the Earth Kingdom on an island called Kyoshi Island.” Azula can see that she wants to say something about her relationship with Zuko but doesn’t. She wants what's best for him right now. “I’m Mai, I throw knives and am Ty Lee’s girlfriend.” Talking to Zuko like they don’t know each other must hurt her, so she doesn’t continue. “I’m Toph, I’m blind and I’m the greatest earth bender in the world and I’ll fuck shit up if anyone fucks with you, just let me know!” She says enthusiastically. Azula hears a small breath from Zuko that almost sounds like the hint of a laugh. She smiles at Toph who must have felt it too. 

Azula can feel Zuko shaking a little after a while, she isn’t sure if it's because of the position he’s in or fear. Either way, she gently wraps her arms over the top of Zuko’s back where Katara had healed and pulls him closer to her, humming softly. He seems to react well to that before, he seems to like the vibrations from her chest. She watches Katara finally rewrap all of the wounds on Zuko’s back, most of them closing, some of the less severe ones now only angry red marks. His back is completely covered in both, she can’t imagine the pain Zuko went through to get these and she can’t imagine the pain he’s in now. “You can sit back down if you want, turtleduck.” Azula says softly after she gets a small nod from Katara. Zuko, slumps down on the bed, sitting so that his left side is pressed against her body, back pressed into her shoulder, hiding behind her hair. 

She can feel Zuko start to shake rhythmically, she can feel warm tears running down her skin, she can hear him crying softly in her arms, muffled against her shoulder. Azula rubs his arm gently as she slowly rocks him in her arms and behind soft humming again, stopping only when speaking. “It’s okay, you’re okay, you’re safe now, no one will hurt you.” She says softly. Katara looks at her, concerned. “What’s wrong, did I do something to him?” She asks, looking confused and concerned at Zuko’s sudden shift in mood. “I don’t think so.” Azluls says as she pulls Zuko a little closer. “I think he’s just a little overwhelmed right now, is that what’s wrong, turtleduck?” She asks softly. Zuko nods, letting out a small whimper as he does. 

Suki gets up, gently taking Katara's arm. “Lets go get the razor to shave his head, by then he will have probably calmed down, and we can talk.” She says, looking hopefully at Katara. Azula smiles at her, glad that Suki had the sense to fill Katara in on what Zuko had told them before she had gotten her. Clear up why they weren’t referring to him by name. How he thought that Azula fucking owned him. She watches them leave, still rocking her brother's fragile, broken body in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Zuko is incredibly fucked up right now in every way possible, he needs like a psychological therapist, a physical therapist, and a speech therapist at this point. Here he is in a better mental state than he has been since the second chapter.
> 
> pls let me know what you think.
> 
> Also who want to join the find a way to being Ozai back to life just to kill him again club?


	13. Chapter 13

Katara and Suki walk down the hallway to Katara’s room, silent for a long minute before Katara breaks it. “What the actual fuck was done to Zuko?” She asks, terrified. Ozai had done something so horrible to Zuko it completely fucked him up psychologically, he couldn’t speak properly, the only person who could touch him without flinching was Azula, it hurt her that he shuttered and flinched a little throughout their healing session. Zuko looked like he was constantly on the verge of panic and it had taken so little for him to break down in his sisters arms, pressing into her, seeking comfort. Suki looks at the ground. “He thinks he's property, specifically Ozai’s property and anyone Ozai says he belongs to.” She says quietly, obviously still in shock from what she had seen become of her friend? Lover? Someone she was very close to. Katara feels her heart stop for a moment, skipping several beats. 

She can’t bring herself to say anything about that, she just looks at Suki in horror as they walk, feeling sick. “He doesn’t want to be called by his name,” Suki continues as they walk into Katara’s room. “He said that property doesn’t get a name. It’s why Azula was calling him turtleduck.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks. “He got fucking scared when we call him by name, I-I don’t even want to know why...I don’t think he knows how to function right now without thinking someone owns him...one of his first fucking question to Azula was if she fucking owned him as if that’s the kind of thing you ask someone. When she said no and all of us reacted horribly it sent him into a terrible panic. It was horrible, Katara, he was so scared. Toph told him that Ozai had passed ownership to Azula, and Azula told him that Ozai believed that he had learned to be an ‘obedient son’ and is now letting the daughter he is proud of heal him.” Suki says, her voice catching more and more in her throat as she speaks. “He isn’t okay, what if he never recovers?”

Katara just looks at her, unable to speak. That was all so horrible. Ozai was horrible. He had broken his own fucking child until there was nothing left. “You killed Ozai, right?” She finally asks, not able to think of anything else to say. “Toph and I beat him up. Azula killed him, she completely burned his body well past death, she did it relatively slowly” Suki replies. Katara nods once. “Good. He’s never fucking touching Zuko again.” 

“On that note, considering Zuko seems emotionally dependent on Ozai,we shouldn't tell him he’s dead yet.” Katara nods. “Agreed.” She says as she grabs the razor from her desk. “The least we can do for now is give him as much autonomy over his body as possible. At least he was willing to request for his head shaved.” She says more to herself than Suki as they walk out, back towards the hospital wing.

They are stopped by Sokka, who looks a little better than he had in the past month but still looks like absolute shit. “How is he?” Sokka asks frantically before gently kissing Suki. “He isn’t good, Sokka...but he’s better than he was last night, which isn’t saying too much.” Suki replies sadly. “What’s going on? Toph kicked me out.” He asks desperately. “I know Sokka, I was there. But Azula slept in the same bed as him last night, he was a little scared when he first woke up but she quickly calmed him down. He sort of recognized her, but more because he knew that Ozai was proud of her...like when she was absolutely fucking crazy.” Suki adds hastaly. “Soon after that he asked her if she fucking owned him, of course she said no, Zuko freaked the fuck out about that, like he was terrified and didn’t know what to do, so Toph told him that Ozai passed ownership of him over to Azula and that she is in charge of healing him. It’s really bad Sokka. He doesn't even want to be called by his own name. We all went around the room fucking introducing ourselves because he didn’t remember us.” Suki says on the verge of tears, hugging her boyfriend. Sokka hugs her back for a long time.

“I want to see him.” He eventually says. “Sokka, I don’t know if that’s a good id-”

“Katara, please. I need to see him. I won’t touch him if he doesn't want me to. He sounds like he trusts Azula and we all know she could deck me in a fight. Please.” He practically begs. “Fine.” Katara eventually says, more annoyed at her brother than anything. “You can come see him, but come in about half an hour, he doesn't seem to like it when a lot of people crowd him and I don’t think he would like to see three people, one of them who he doesn’t fully recognize yet, coming through the door all at once. When you come in, knock softly so he knows you're coming in, and don’t be an asshole and knock so soft I can’t hear you, you’ll be there to visit your traumatized fiance not piss off your sister. When we say you can come in, open the door slowly, don’t fucking come clomping in like an allegatorbull, walk slowly and reletivly quietly. Make your movements predictable. Whatever you do, do not tell him that Ozai is dead, he thinks that Ozai was helping him and loves him right now. He can’t handle that right now. Got it?” Katara asks sternly. “Yeah, yeah, it’s Zuko, he loves me, don’t tell me you’re making his life miserable with all of this...bureaucracy!” Sokka says dramatically, Katara immediately wonders is she shouldn’t let Sokka see him, obviously not understanding just how bad Zuko was metnally. He didn’t see Zuko break down in Azula’s arms over slight mistakes, he didn’t see Zuko freak out on his beloved uncle. “I’ll see you in a half hour!” Sokka calls already running down the hall so she can’t change her mind. “If he upsets Zuko by being an idiot I'm beating the shit out of him Katara, don’t stop me.” Suki says as they walk back towards Zuko’s room. “Oh, I’ll help you.”

Suki knocks quietly on the door. “Come in, idiots!” Toph says cheerfully. Suki slowly opens the door and they both walk in slowly. Zuko has stopped crying and is facing the door, but he is still tucked away in Azula’s arms. Toph is sitting at the end of the bed, one foot flat on the ground, giving Zuko a good amount of space from her. Katara feels a little better. If Zuko is already letting Toph get physically closer to him without any actual need for it, there is hope for his recovery. “Hey, turtleduck, how are you feeling?” Katara asks gently, moving slowly closer to him. She can see him press his back little further into Azula and clutching her robes a little closer in his boney hands, trying to hide more. “B-e-etter, miss. Th-thank yo-ou.” He says, not meeting her eyes. “I brought the razor with me to shave your head if that's what you still want.” She says, pulling out the sharp tool. Her heart sinks as she watches him flinch. “I won’t hurt you with it or anything else, I promise. Would you like to hold it first?” She asks, slowly extending the hand holding the razor towards him. Zuko nods as he tentatively reaches forward, his hand flinching back a few times as if expecting to be harmed before he takes it from her, slowly turning it over in his hands, examining it. 

“I’m going to sit on the bed again, and Toph is going to get off of it.” She says, moving to sit as Toph flips her off and sits back on the ground. She moves so she is sitting cross legged on the bed, pulling a towel on her lap to catch the hair. “Now I need you to move to your back is turned to me. You can hold Azula’s hand if you're nervous or just want to. I swear I won’t hurt you. Azula could easily win in a fight if I did anything to hurt you, okay?” Zuko nods and slowly begins moving. Katara knows that she and Azula would actually be pretty evenly matched in a fair fight, but the traumatized man clutching to Azula for safety didn’t need to know that. He soon situates himself so his back is turned to her where she can shave his head, one hand holding Azula’s, the other holding the razor. “Can I have the razor?” She asks gently, holding out her hand. Zuko tentatively obliges. 

Katara slowly talks Zuko through everything that she is going to do before she does it as she shaves the thick black hair off of Zuko’s head with a practiced hand. Within a few minutes he begins to relax in her touch, believing that she wouldn’t hurt him. That she wouldn’t exploit the trust that he had just put in her. That she would actually help him feel safe. As she shaves his head he sort of begins to look like how he did when they first met with the hideous ponytail. She now understands the cultural significance of it and feels bad for mocking it especially when it was symbolizing his father’s disownment of his own son for speaking out of turn. She continues shaving, trying not to think about that too much.

They hear a pretty loud knock at the door making Zuko flinch. Katara is thankful she didn’t cut him when he moves, not sure what that would do to him. “Come in Snoozles!” Toph calls. ‘Fucking Sokka.’ She thinks annoyed. ‘I told that idiot to be fucking quiet, why can’t he have a middle ground, why does he either have to be the smartest person in the room or the dumbest fucking person in the world. At least he remembered to knock.’ Sokka walks into the room, looking at Zuko. “Katara, why the fuck would you shave his head now he’s gonna look like angry jerk again.” He says too cheerfully for the situation, she really should have made sure he was listening to her fucking instructions and not thinking past being allowed to see Zuko. Zuko is very quickly moving away from Katara and back to Azula’s arms...well, as fast as he can in his weakened state, trembling as he does. 

Sokka pulls out a fire lily, offering it to Zuko who flinches violently as he sees Sokka’s hand come towards him, whimpering a little. “Sokka, I know you mean well but you need to get the fuck out right now. You're scaring him.” Mai says as she walks towards him, getting into a fighting position. “Fuck off Mai, I need to see him.” He says, moving towards Zuko again, placing the flower on his chest, moving to touch his face before Zuko yelps louds, beginning to cry from terror and Mai runs forward knocking Sokka to the ground with ease. Katara would usually be pissed at Mai for hitting her brother but she just glares at Sokka as she hears Zuko’s terrified sobs coming from Azula’s arms. 

“Wha-what happened to him?” Sokka asks from the ground, eyes welling with tears as he looks at the panic he had worked Zuko into completely by accident. “A lot you fucking asshole.” Azula growls, Katara can see her shaking with anger. “Why the fuck couldn’t you have listened to Mai or watched how he reacted to you, you knew he was scared.” She growls, her voice and face conveying a very different message than how she held Zuko’s trembling body gently in her arms. “Maybe because I’ve been so fucking worried about him for months and when we finally get him back Toph kickes me ou-” He’s cut off by a bight blue flame erupting from Azula’s hand, the whole room flinches and Katara can see Zuko struggling violently to get out of Azula’s grip as he begins to rip out his own hair.” Get. Out.” She growls as Mai kicks Sokka out of the room, literally and she vaguely sees Suki and Ty Lee drag him down the hall, probably to yell at him as Katara grabs Azula's arm, pointing at Zuko.

Azula immediately puts out the fire, eyes widening as she sees Zuko sobbing hysterically, trying to get out of Azula’s iron grip and ripping out handfuls of his hair. “Zuko, stop that.” Azula says softly, Katara sees him flinch at the use of his name. Azula gently pulls Zuka’s hands away from his hair, holding him close as he sobs. “I’m sorry, turtleduck.” She says softly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I didn’t want to scare you, I wanted to get rid of Sokka, I didn’t mean to frighten you.” She continues. “D-o-on’t bu-burn m-my h-hair. H-hurt t-too mu-much.” He begs, shaking violently, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Is that mostly why you wanted your head shaved, turtleduck?” Azula asks, gently touching his cheek, she doesn’t even try to hide the tears rolling down her cheeks as Zuko nods, Katara doesn't either. “I’m so sorry.” Katara hears Mai say sadly, looking at Zuko. “Please know I would never burn you, never.” Azula whispers. Zuko nods, still trembling horribly as he moves back into his previous sitting position. “Ca-an you fi-finish sha-aving m-my head?” He whimpers to Katara, clutching onto Azula’s hand as he trembles. “Want me to finish it tomorrow, or when you’ve calmed down a little more? You don’t look good.” Katara says sadly, stomach churning at the idea of making a fucking fire bender so terrified of fire. “Ne-eed it gone.” He whimpers. 

Katara silently resumes shaving the rest of Zuko’s head. She can tell it's terrifying him as he sobs, clutching to Azula like a lifeline. Every time she asks if he wants her to stop, he shakes his head frantically. She is finally done, surprised she only cut him four times with how hard he is shaking. She gently rubs his bald head with her thumb, kissing the worst cut that she made, absolutely shocked when Zuko yelps like he had burned him, turning around frantically and weakly punching her in the shoulder as he scrambled back against Azula. “I-I’m so-sorry.” He whimpers, breaking down again. “Hey, don’t apologize, I shouldn’t have done that. It’s my fault, I’m not mad okay, I promise.” She says. She sees Zuko not, still visibly upset but at least he doesn’t break down completely. “Katara,” Azula says, rubbing Zuko’s trembling form. “Could you go ask the servant outside to bring something to eat...he should probably eat again.” Katara nods, looking sadly at Zuko’s frail form. She was surprised he had been able to keep his soup down, but it was probably heavily due to how slowly Azula made him eat it and that she had given him a small portion to be easier on his starving body. She steps outside, briefly talking to the servant and thanking her before walking back in, glad to see that Zuko was already calmer. 

Zuko was very confused to say the least. There were multiple times that day where he had done something wrong and had never been punished. Not verbally or physically. Azula held him all day, no matter if he was good or bad, she tucked him to her chest and rocked him gently. She let Zuko bury his face or in her neck or shoulder whenever he wanted. She had fed him. She had let him do what he wanted with his hair. She had scared off the man who had come in, coming far too close to him, trying to touch him, to grab him, the women with her sister had dragged him out. When Azula had scared him when threatening the man, she didn’t mock or taunt Zunk for his weakness, she apologized to him as if she was in the wrong. The healer, Katara, had actually shaved his head. She hadn’t hurt him, she hadn’t mocked him when Azula allowed it and Zuko had practically begged for it, she did it carefully, even after the man scared him. When she had kissed his head like only father was allowed to and he freaked out on her and hit her, she didn’t get mad, and Azula didn’t punish him. Again, Katara had apologized to him. He had so much to be grateful for. There were only women in the room, no other men. That must have been why he was being treated so differently, he couldn’t really remember interactions with women before this...he knew he had...but he couldn’t remember. He knew he had had other interactions with men outside of the 12 men and his father, but he couldn’t remember either. The only merciful man he had ever encountered was his father, he didn’t know who the blue eyed man was, but Zuko was terrified of him. He wanted what the others had wanted, he knew it. The man wanted his body, to see what noises he made when roughly grabbed and genty raped. He never wanted to be left alone without one of the women who were in here now...including the ones who had dragged the man away. They were safe, they were strong, they were brave, they were honest, they would protect him. Especially Azula, she would also train him to be a good son. She would help him to earn more of father’s mercy. 

Someone walks in with a large tray of food, bowing before walking out. “Are you hungry, turtleduck?” Azula asks, rubbing his back. Well...yes, he was always hungry, but he had already been fed today. He usually went what he assumed were days between being fed. He realizes suddenly that the soup was to keep him alive, father never made him earn food when he was pushed too far, barely conscious and delirious with pain. He would just press it to Zuko’s lips and he would drink. Maybe the soup was to keep him alive, now he had to earn this. Azula wanted to see how dedicated he was to being her property, to obeying her, to be willing to bleed for her. She needed to see his dedication before she was willing to train him, to make him good for father, to make him good like her. The people surrounding her were far kinder than the men, he didn’t want a new owner, he wanted his sister, his existence had become bearable for an extended period of time, not just the moments father held him. 

Zuko nods. Katara passes him a bowl filled with broth, vegetable, meat, and noodles. Father had long since stopped asking Zuko to earn his food, he just knew when it was expected. “Can you feed yourself?” Azula asks, Zuko nods. ‘Okay, I’m definitely supposed to earn it.’ He thinks, pointing to the razor next to Katara. She gives him a puzzled glance, looking at Azula, who shrugs, indicating he could use whatever he wanted to earn his food, so Katara hands it to him. Zuko takes it in his hand, looking at it. It should hurt less than the knife, with its thinner and sharper blade. His lips move upward the tiniest fraction at that relief before digging it deep into his arm, proud he doesn't make a sound in front of his new owner. He doesn’t even get to put the blade down or even try to take a bite of food when he hears screaming. “What the fuck?!” Toph yells, “Zuko!” Azula practically shrieks, “You fucking give that back now.” Katara growls, wrestling the razor out of his hand, “death was far too good for Ozai.” Mai hisses furiously. All of them say these respective phrases at the same time 

Zuko looks around, deeply confused at all of them. “Di-id I do so-somthing wr-wrong? I-I’ll u-use s-s-something e-else to ea-earn f-food i-if y-you wa-want.” He looks around at their stunned silence, except for Mai, who had been silent, apathetic and threatening almost the entire time starts crying quietly. He feels Katara gently take his bleeding arm, enveloping it in water that immediately begins to sooth the stinging. Zuko is so confused, thankful no one looks angry, they all look so sad. Zuko bows his head, wrapping his free arm around his stomach as he begins shaking, tears rolling down his cheeks, sure that his actions were going to result in punishment. He’d done something very wrong and he didn’t know what. 

“I-I’m s-sorry, I’m sssorry. P-please...t-tell m-me what I-I d-did wrong...I-I won’t d-do it a-again.” He whimpers, not bothering to beg for mercy. If any of them have decided to hurt him, they would and he couldn’t stop them. He doesn’t want to risk the chance of not being told what he did wrong and not be able to avoid this again. This situation would come up again, and again and he needed to avoid failing at it. He sees a hand out of the corner of his eyes, yelping and flinching violently. “Sssorry.” He hisses, biting his lips as tears flow down his cheek. 

“Turtleduck,” Azula’s voice says softly. “Can I hug you?” Zuko nods, confused as he feels Katara let go of his arm and feels himself pulled to his sister’s chest again as he breaks down sobbing in absolute confusion and fear. He feels someone gently hold his right hand, someone else holding his left and someone else gently touching his knee. Everyone in the room was around him, not attacking him, not degrading him, not laughing at him, just comforting him as he cried uncontrollably. 

Zuko isn’t sure how long they stay like that when Mai starts talking from his right. Mai is holding his left hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong, turtleduck.” She says, softly, Zuko lifts his head, looking at her confused. “You don’t need to earn food. You get food because you’re hungry. You get food because you’re a human being and you need food and don’t give me that shit that you’re property.” Zuko flinches a little but sees no retaliation from Azula at Mai saying he wasn’t property, so he relaxes again. “You especially don’t need to hurt yourself for food, do you understand me?” Zuko shakes his head no, deeply confused. “What don’t you understand about that?” Toph asks from his other side. Toph was holding his other hand, that meant Katara was the one touching his leg. Toph’s question isn’t demanding, it isn’t mocking, she wants to know. 

Zuko bites his lip again. “I-I don’t d-de-eserve fo-ood, I don’t deserve lo-love, b-but I do de-deserve pain. Ma-makes i-it o-okay t-to feed m-me, t-to h-hold me. I-It’s wo-worth it.” He chokes out, the words so deeply ingrained in his head, his father said them so often to him. He wanted father. Father made sense, he knew when to expect pain, when to expect comfort, he was scared a lot more when father had him, but he was constantly confused with Azula. “Zuko, I hope you know that’s a load of ostrichhorse shit. Yo-” Toph begins but Zuko cuts her off. “I-I want fa-father!” He sobs, pulling his arms and legs in and the women let go as he curls himself up. “Wh-where’s father? I-I want f-father, I-I ne-need him. I want to g-go back. I-I want father! I-I need the ru-rules t-to ma-make sense. I-I do-don’t u-understand! I-I want fa-father!” He sobs hysterically. He just wanted to feel fathers arms around him, holding him to his chest, whispering about how good and loyal he was at every cut Zuko makes on his body as fathers lips press against his, he wants father to do whatever he pleases with Zuko’s body, telling him how good he was, that he knew how to be a good son.

Zuko feels his body being rocked gently, Azula’s chest buzzing with a low hum, but he just continues to scream, completely inconsolable, the only time he can say anything cohesive is when he screams for father. He tries to pull himself out of Azula’s grip, thrashing wildly, digging his nails into whatever skin he can reach, not caring who it belonged to. He wanted to get out of here, he wanted to know the rules, he wanted to know when and why he was being punished, not have it be a constant guessing game, he wanted father. He needed him so badly, he needed him now, he didn’t understand why father had left him, he had proved his devotion and his love to father in every way that he could. What had he done to make father abandon him? Father had said he loved him, he said he finally loved him and now he left him. He needed father now. 

He feels himself being pulled out of Azula’s grip and held down on his back on the bed. He begins to scream louder. “Fa-father help me! Fa-father sa-save me! Father pl-please!” He shrieks. He feels his mouth being held open, he tries to close it, tries to free his head as he sobs louder, his arms and legs are pinned down, his head is held in place, all he can do is scream for help. He feels liquid being put in his mouth and a hand covering it so he can’t spit, he is forced to swallow, sobbing as he sees his world begin to go black, desperately trying to find something familiar until he slips into unconsciousness.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted Iroh and Hakoda to bond a little because Iroh needs a friend right now because Zuko hates him. They are just bonding over the various traumatized children that they have collected.
> 
> Y'all, I have 0% of the next chapter written (will still probably post a new chapter tomorrow morning or afternoon and will start writing after I take my exam today, I write fast) if you guys have any ideas or desires for this story put them in the comments, this is the time to tell me what you want in the story when I literally have nothing written and am taking requests for like the next moment in the story, not several chapters down the road

Iroh was sitting at his desk, well what was supposed to be Zuko’s desk, but it is currently his, doing tedious paperwork to distract himself from the ache in his chest when he hears a knock at the door. “Yes?” He says quietly as Chief Hakoda walks into the room. “Uh, Fire Lord Iroh,” he begins awkwardly. “Iroh is fine.” he retorts. “Iroh, Zuko had to be sedated again about half an hour ago. If you want to come visit him now is the time. I know it's not the same, but Azula thought you might want to see him in a state he won’t be scared of you. If you wanted to come I could keep you company, I know we aren’t particularly close, but I know Zuko is like a son to you, and I can’t imagine how I would feel if Sokka had reacted that way to me after everything.” He says awkwardly, clearly being aware of Zuko declaring his hate for Iroh while viciously attacking him. 

“Please, thank you, Chief Hakoda.” He says, standing slowly and walking next to the tall, broad man. “You can just call me Hakoda if i can call you Iroh.” He says as they reach the room with Zuko in it. The room is dimly lit with lanterns around the rooms, no tources. Toph is sitting at the foot of the bed, knees pulled to her chest, chin resting on her knees, she probably couldn’t see well in that position. Katara was laying on the other bed, sleeping likely due to healing Zuko most of the day. Azula is laying down next to Zuko, an arm looped around his waist, his face tucked into her shoulder. He can’t believe this woman was once the girl intentionally made Zuko’s life worse as a child when his brother pitted them against each other, favoring Azula and making sure Zuko knew it. The girl that had chased them, throwing lightning at them aimed to kill, the same girl who was hellbent on helping her father with world domination and on killing her brother. She looks so sad, so vulnerable, so protective over Zuko’s fragile body. “He’s not okay, uncle.” He hears Azula say, she’s been crying. “Father broke him and then continued to fucking demolish him.” She continues.

Iroh moves to the bed, sitting down. “Can I hold him?” He asks, wanting to envelop his nephew in his loving embrace. Azula nods as she begins to lift Zuko up as Iroh moves more comfortably onto the bed. Azula has always been strong, but she shouldn't be able to lift Zuko, a full grown man, as easily as she is. The moment that Iroh has Zuko is his arms he starts crying. He’s so light. He is so tiny, he was always thin, but he’s nothing more than skin and bones. He can feel his ribs and hip bones pushing into his arms as he cradles him, feeling like if he held him too tight, he would shatter, but if he let go, he would dissipate into the ether. Iroh pulls Zuko’s body to his chest, crying harder, not even registering the fact his head is bald. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He whispers. “I love you so much, nephew. You don’t deserve any of this. I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you sooner.” He hears a little whimper come from Zuko’s lips. 

If Zuko is even remotely conscious, Iroh isn’t sure he can bear to hear Zuko scream at him again like he had that first night. His voice had been filled with so much hate, anger and sheer terror. Ozai had destroyed his boy. “He ate today.” Azula says, taking Iroh away from his thoughts. “He let Katara heal him and shave his head, he let Toph near him just because she wanted to be near him, and he requested for his head to be shaved and expressed preference for what he wanted to be called...so that’s something...but there was a lot of bad as well today.” She says sadly. “Good, he needs to eat. Why did he want his head shaved? Was he ashamed of something?” Iroh asks, wondering if there was cultural significance to it. Azula shakes her head. “My guess is father and the others pulled his hair all the time, that's why he said he wanted it cut. But he’s absolutely terrified of fire, which is pretty fucked up how they were able to make a fire bender scared of fire. Uncle, they lit his hair on fire. He’s so fucking scared.” Azula says, voice cracking, eyes shimmering. 

Iroh pulls Zuko a little closer to his chest as if that would heal him, as if he could absorb Zuko’s pain. “Why did they have to sedate him?” Iroh asks, scared of the answer. Azula just starts crying at that question. “We got dinner brought up and Zuko fucking cut himself with the razor and then didn’t understand what the fuck was wrong with that. He said and I quote ‘I don’t deserve food and I don’t deserve love, but I do deserve pain, it makes giving me those alight.’ Ozai must have fucking made him hurt himself if he wanted to eat and probably hurt himself if he wanted affection and a break. Ozai was probably the only one who gave him either of those things which is why he keeps begging for him.” Toph growls, fury coming off of her body in waves, not moving from her position.

“He did what?” Iroh asks as he begins to cry again. “I’m sorry Iroh, I really don’t think we can ever leave Sparky alone for even a moment for a long time. But he’s easy to lie to right now, he’s scared, in a lot of pain, hungry, exhausted, and confused. He’s smart, he’ll figure out we’re full of shit soon enough. When we told him he didn’t have to cut himself to earn food he started freaking the fuck out, like a full blown panic attack. He was aggressive, clawing and biting at us. The entire time starting from that until he was knocked out he was screaming for Ozai. He was saying that he wanted him, that he needed him, that he wanted to go back with him. He was screaming for Ozai to help him. Zuko has become reliant on him, sooner or later he is going to figure out he’s dead. He’ll need to be placed on 24/7 suicide watch when that happens.” Toph says through gritted teeth. 

Iroh can’t bring himself to respond to that as he begins peppering small kisses across Zuko’s battered face. “I love you so much, nephew. I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you. You’re my child and I shouldn’t have left you alone.” He sobs quietly, clutching the precious body. Zuko whimpers softly again, eyes fluttering. “Fa-father?” He whispers hoarsely, looking at Iroh with bleary eyes. “Father...you ca-came for me.” He continues, clutching Iroh’s robe weakly. “Can you hear me, nephew?” Iroh whispers, refusing to affirm he is that wretched man. Zuko nods. “I’m your uncle Iroh, I know you don’t trust me right now, but I need you to know that I love you, I love you so, so much, nephew. If I could take on any of your pain and place it on myself I would. I would do anything for you, nephew. I love you so much.” He says, voice thick with tears as he kisses Zuko’s forehead. “Y-you’d d-do anything?” He whispers, still disoriented. “Anything you want. Anything you need.” Iroh says hopefully. “Th-then fuck off.” Zuko says coldly, Iroh feels his heart shatter. 

Iroh is about to say something when he feels Azula begin to take him back. “Uncle, please, he needs time. He needs rest. This is about what he needs, not what we need.” He knows Azula is right. Iroh gently sets Zuko down, kissing his forehead again. “I love you, Zuko.” Iroh whispers. “Fuck you.” Zuko replies barely above a whisper as Azula holds Zuko protectively again. 

Iroh feels a hand on his shoulder, he turns his head. It’s Hakoda. He had forgotten that Hakoda had come with him, so enveloped in Zuko and himself. “Walk with me.” Hakoda says, leading Iroh to the courtyard where they sit on a bench overlooking the garden. They sit in silence for a long time before Hakoda speaks. “I know you’ve known Zuko far longer than I have, and this has to hurt you a lot, but i’ve been the recipient of his absolute fear, mistrust, and hate before...he’ll come around. I know the situations are different, but you’ll find him again. Zuko’s strong, smart, and stubborn. He’ll pull through.” Hakoda assures him, touching his shoulder. “Thank you, Hakoda, really.” Iroh says, pausing for a long moment. “When did Zuko hate you? Whenever he’s mentioned you to me before he sounds like he really looks up to you.” 

“When we first met.” Hakoda says, giving him a small smile. “Please tell me, I need my mind off of all of this. Imagining him disliking a different father figure to him that isn’t evil might be what I need.” He says, wiping his eyes. 

“Well the first time I met Zuko was when he and my son broke Suki and I out of prison, I’m sure you know a greatly exaggerated version of the story where my son saved all of us, Zuko included, single handedly with only his fucking boomerang.” Hakoda says, laughing a little. Iroh smiles warmly, remembering the watertribe boy retelling that story over and over again, each time, Sokka becoming more heroic than before and Zuko just looking at him, not interjecting with so much love covered by sarcastic annoyance. He nods, smiling at the memory. 

“So we got back to the western air temple and Zuko all but disappeared. He would rarely eat dinner, and when he did he would just glare at me the entire time, which I found very confusing considering he came to help break me out. I thought it was like some weird way of asserting dominance or something, considering he was the oldest and had serious leadership experience as a prince and a sea captain, I thought he might have taken on the role as leader until I showed up. At that point I didn’t realize he covered fear with anger and hate. Meal times was the only point he did that, I guess he didn’t want to be angry at everything again and just put on his pissed off at the word face and didn’t internalize it. His terrified that the world is going to hurt him at every turn expression is...haunting.” Hakoda says sadly. Iroh nods in agreement, he had seen that expression far too often on his nephew. He remembered seeing it less and less in the first few weeks of his banishment as he built walls of steel, forged with the flame of fear so no one could ever betray him again. Iroh had seen people do that before, but Zuko was the youngest he had ever seen to adopt the philosophy of ‘no one you trust can betray you if you don’t trust anyone.’ It had broken his heart over and over again. He looks back at Hakoda as he continues.

“He would act weird when I watched him and Aang practice fire bending, I had never gotten to see any fire bending up close that wasn’t meant to hurt me so I was curious. I just remember he would start shaking and messing up as soon as he saw me and end practice as soon as possible and just run away. Every night he would watch me before I went to sleep, he wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. He wouldn’t hide it. He would sit on the ground upright, looking directly at me. The one time that I was awake when he wasn’t and was near him he freaked the fuck out and threw fire at me. I didn’t see him for more than a few seconds at a time after that for almost two days, I doubt he ate. That was when I began to really worry about him. It was when I realized he didn’t hate me, he was absolutely terrified of me. It hurt to think someone had hurt him so much he immediately assumed the worst of me. That all fathers and leaders are cruel to make their children and soldiers stronger, me being both...he was so scared.” iroh can see the dispare in Hakoda’s eyes. Iroh was happy that the man before him had helped teach Zuko that Iroh was not the exception when it came to kindness.

“Whenever Sokka or Katara would mess up in front of me, or argue with me, or if i were alone with one of them he would just freeze up, he would stare at me with complete terror, unable to move. Other times he would reach for his swords, positioning himself to straight up attack me. Two days before we got split up I was able to talk to him. He just broke down with fear, wanting to get any resentment I had to him out of the way. He was expecting me to beat him, Iroh. He broke down in my arms and confessed how he got his scar, why he was so scared of me and that he just wanted to be safe. He let me hold him. The next day, him, Toph, and I went on a fishing trip not too far away to get some food for the camp. Toph came because she is his emotional support attack earthbender and would kill me if I laid a finger on him. I made him a fish hook for that trip which according to Sokka he still has and carries around with him in a box. He’s an odd one, but a good one. If he can come around to the water tribe prisoner who he had no previous good experience with, he can come around to the tea loving uncle.”

“Thank you, Hakoda.” Iroh says, embracing the water tribe man. He was glad Zuko had another father figure who would fight tooth and nail for Zuko’s wellbeing. Iroh was glad that the man Zuko loved, and would hopefully love again, came from a man such as Hakoda. “Thank you for coming around to him as well, Hakoda, I’m sure after being from the Southern Water Tribe, your son being betrothed to the Fire Lord wasn’t a dream come true.” Hakoda laughs. “Yeah, I was wary of him at first, wondering if he wasn’t going to hurt my son after some time passed considering he is from a long line of horrible men and is the same man who chased my kids around the world. I sat him down at one point and started with the normal protective dad talk, which I’m sure you gave Sokka, about why he thinks he’s good enough for my son, I didn’t even get to the threats about ‘oh well if you ever hurt my boy’ and such when he just kinda broke down. He said he knew he didn’t deserve Sokka and that he was too good for him. He asked if Sokka had asked me to say this to him because Sokka was too nice to tell him that he wanted nothing to do with Zuko. Then he started begging for a few more days with Sokka so he could ‘remember him’ whatever that was supposed to mean. It took me three days to convince him not to break up with Sokka. It was also when I realized he really cared about what I thought of him. I stopped worrying about him hurting Sokka and was more worried about Sokka hurting him. I considered giving Sokka that talk, but he would just be really confused.” Hakoda says, smiling sadly. 

Iroh laughs a little, not sure what about that story was amusing, it was sad, but he does. “I gave both Sokka and Suki that talk, I wasn't sure how romantically Suki and Zuko were, but I knew they were close. They know not to test the dragon.” He says, exhaling a breath of fire, smiling at the chief. “Thank you, Hakoda, really. I hope that our sons will still love each other the same way when Zuko recovers.” They sit there for a long time together, watching the stars, Iroh grateful for the newfound friendship in Hakoda.

Toph is laying in the ground, bending metal into intricate shapes to occupy herself when she hears sparky whimpers, it sounds like one of the normal ones he makes regularly to express pain, fear, hunger, exhaustion, or really anything he is feeling that isn’t good, which is most things. She sits up, putting the metal back on her outfit, rushing over beside him. “Sparky.” She says softly, touching his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing, Toph?” Azula mumbles from the other side of Zuko, half asleep, sleeping in later than normal. “Sparky is scared.” She says, gently touching his arm. “Well, more scared than he always is.” She adds, quickly as she gently nudges Zuko. She can feel Azula doing the same on his other side, gently trying to wake him up.

Zuko shoots up with a loud whimper, quickly followed by his hand clamping over his mouth, wincing. Toph’s heart sinks, knowing what’s wrong. “The muzzle they put on you, it had metal that pressed against the inside of your mouth right?” Zuko nods. “After all the time of it being in there it made wounds and now that it's gone they’re getting infected, yes?” Zuko shrugs, tears rolling down her cheeks, trembling. Katara has woken up with the commotion, walking over to them. “You’re going to need to open your mouth, turtleduck.” Katara says softly, Zuko shakes his head violently, burying his face in Azula’s shoulder. “Turleduck,” Azula whispers. “At least let her look, please. She won’t muzzle you, I promise. No one will put anything in your mouth without your explicit and willing permission. Will you let her look in your mouth?” Zuko shakes his head again, holding Azula tighter.

Toph can feel how absolutely terrified Zuko is, how fast and heard his heart is beating, how hard he is trying to get breath into his lungs, how hard he is shaking, it breaks her heart. “Turtleduck,” Toph says gently, touching her friends back, rubbing it gently with her strong, calloused hand. “You’re in a lot of pain, it’s only going to get worse if it isn’t healed. What if Katara just looks at your mouth, she can tell you how bad it is. Actually healing you will be a different session. When you have your mouth open she’ll just assess the damage, she won’t heal you until you say it’s okay. Can you do that?” She asks, still rubbing his back. 

She can feel how reluctant Zuko’s shrug was, he still didn’t want to even open his mouth for Katara, even when he was in a lot of pain. Azula pushes Zuko back from being tucked into her neck, gently cupping his cheek and meeting his eyes. “Turtleduck, she won’t hurt you. I swear to you she won’t. I will always protect you. Katara and Toph are two of the people who will always protect you. None of us will ever hurt you. Please let her look...she’ll just look for now, she’ll tell you what’s wrong. Healing you will be different, like Toph said, okay?” Toph can feel that Zuko’s nod is almost forced, she can hear his terrified sob and feel his body recoil from the pain the sounds cause. If he was this reluctant to let Katara look at his mouth, he definitely wasn’t going to let her heal it...but he had to.

Zuko presses his forehead against Azula’s lips, needing her affection before turning around to face Katara, back pressed against Azula, holding her hand in a death grip, opening his mouth and letting out near silent sobs, entire body wracking with fear and pain as Katara slowly tips his head in different angles to examine him better. “Can you stick out your tongue for me?” She asks as Zuko sobs a little harder doing so. Toph hears Katara swear. “There you go, you can go back to Azula.” Katara says as Zuko practically throws himself back into Azula’s embrace, crying as he hides in the crook of her neck again.

Katara sighs heavily. “It’s not good.” She says quietly, gently touching Zuko’s trembling arm. “Turtleduck, your tongue is swollen really badly, it’s discolored from really bad bruising and infection. The roof of your mouth is getting infected as well, but it's mostly cut up and bruised badly. It needs to be healed, it’s only going to get worse and take longer to heal.” She says as Zuko grips Azula tighter, not saying anything. “I just need to hold water in your mouth, you can still face Azula, she can still hold you, all you need to do is to hold your mouth open, I’ll put water in your mouth and keep my hand over your mouth. I’ll be gentle, you don’t have to look at me or face me. Azula can hold you. It will help your pain and probably your speech too.” Katara whispers, rubbing Zuko’s back. Toph is surprised when Zuko lets out a small whimper and nods, absolutely terrified. 

Azula positions Zuko so that his forehead is against her shoulder and his mouth isn’t touching her so Katara has access. Katara pours water into her hand as she moves it towards Zuko’s face, rubbing his back with her free hand. “Open your mouth, turtleduck.” She says. Toph hears Zuko sob as he complies. She can feel absolute terror overwhelming him as Katara holds water in his mouth, healing him. She can feel fear taking over his body as he tries to stay calm, she can feel his heart beating irregularly with pure panic, she can feel him digging his nails into his own skin as Azula tries to stop him, his body shaking violently as he sobs from his fear. 

After what feels like an eternity for Toph, she can’t even imagine how long it felt for Zuko, Katara removes her hand, taking the water with her. “There you go, it’s over. You did so good.” Katara says sadly as Zuko presses himself back into Azula’s neck, Katara still rubbing his back. “Th-thank you, Katara.” Zuko says, his speech already sounding so much better, his voice only now shaking from fear. “You sound so much better.” Azula says softly, kissing his head as she rocks him in her arms. “I feel better...just brings back bad memories.” Zuko whispers, clutching onto Azula. “You need to rest now.” Azula says gently. “I’ll hold you, lets get some more sleep, okay? You need as much as you can get, the sedatives are still affecting you.” Toph stands, flopping back down on the floor as they drift back off to a restless sleep. 

Zuko wakes up again several hours later. He feels his head being rubbed gently and quiet humming. ‘Azula.’ He thinks. His head hurts terribly, but her hand feels nice. He feels sick, he feels too warm but also too hold, all of his muscles are cramping badly. His mouth and throat feel better at least no matter how terrifying it was to have someone's hand over his mouth and they pushed something into it, filling it so he could only get air through his nose. But it felt better. The rest of his body felt so much worse, he didn’t know why. He dad never felt anything quite like this before, he felt sick...but that doesn’t quite explain it. “Azula?” He says quietly, his words finally coming out of his mouth properly without his swollen tongue getting in the way. “Yes, turtleduck?” She says softly. Zuko can’t express how grateful he is that father gave him to Azula. She had been so kind to him, she hadn’t beat him, she hadn’t let anyone rape him, she hadn’t starved him...she had let people knock him out but he always woke up with her holding him, making him fees safe, not somewhere cold and alone. She was better than he thought she would be when father had reminded him of how much of a disappointment he was especially compared to his sister. 

“I-I feel really bad.” He whimpers, trying to sit up before he feels Azula’s warm hands help him, pulling him against her chest. “Katara?” She says as she situates him comfortable. “Yeah?” She replies from the other bed. “Can you take a look at him? He said he feels really bad, he feels a little warm now that I think about it.” She says, pressing her hand under the top of Zuko’s shirt, feeling his back.

Katara slowly moves across the room, sitting at the foot of the bed, Toph comes to stand next to them, giving him a worried look. He liked Toph, she was rude and loud, but she moved in a very predictable way around him, she never tried to make eye contact with him, she never grabbed at him, and she was constantly willing to beat up anyone who hurt him. He knew she could. He knew all three of the women in the room could. They were all very powerful and never exploited that around him. He loved them even if he didn’t deserve their love in return.

“Tell me what’s wrong, turtleduck.” Katara says softly. “Feel feverish, I ache all over, like not from injuries, it's all evenly distributed, my head hurts, the light hurts, I feel nauseous, no from hunger, just bad.” He says quietly as he looks at the mattress. Katara pours water into her hands, he watches its soft glow as she comes near him. “I’m going to touch your chest and slowly move around your body, I'm going to figure out what’s wrong. If I touch you somewhere you don’t want me to just say so and I’ll stop.” She says as the water touches his chest. Zuko closes his eyes, resting his head against Azula. She hadn’t hurt him when she was holding water in his mouth, she hadn’t hurt him when she had a razor in her hands, she hadn’t hurt him when he was constantly at the mercy of the women around him. He could trust her not to hurt him. It was just easier if he didn’t watch, if he was nestled into Azula, into his safe haven. 

She pulls the water away after a long time, going over his body multiple times. “Turtleduck...you aren’t sick.” She says, Zuko looks up at her trembling a little. “I-I swear I’m not lying, I’m no-”

“Turtleduck, I don’t think you are lying. The reason you're feeling bad just isn’t due to illness or injury...I don’t know what's wrong. I think we should ask a healer, one who relies on medicine and not waterbending for this. I’m only trained in waterbending healing. Would you let a healer look at you?” Zuko bites his lip, remembering the hands holding him down on the bed, holding his mouth open and keeping his head still as he cried for his father. Their hands had felt like the men when they forced the muzzle back into his mouth, forcing him to slip into blackness. A shudder passes through him. “Are they the ones who drugged me?” He asks quietly, hugging himself. The women around him look guilty. “Yes.” Katara eventually says. Zuko shakes his head. “I don’t want them touching me.” He says firmly. The room goes silent.

“What about my mother?” Katara says after a long pause. “She was the village healer for a while and she must have picked up some skills in the Fire Nation as well living alone for so long, she would have had to treat herself. She had never been in here before, but she won’t hurt you. Would you let her look at you? I swear she wouldn’t hurt you.” Zuko pauses, thinking about his options. He felt awful, and kept feeling worse and he didn't know what was wrong. He slowly nods. Katara gives him a smile as she leaves the room to find her mother. 

“Can I hug you, Sparky?” Toph asks. The nickname would bother him if it came from anyone else, but he had learned that Toph just kind of said things without any weight behind them. She wasn’t mocking his burns, she wasn’t threatening to burn him, she just wanted to call him that. Zuko nods as she climbs on the bed, hugging him from the ground so he is engulfed by Azula and Toph, two women who he loved and who he trusted not to hurt him. 

“I-I love you.” He says under his breath to both of them. “I love you too, turtleduck.” Azula replies, kissing his head, Toph nuzzles closer to him in response. No one telling him that he was impossible to love, no one demanding that he proved how much he loved them, pleasuring their own body at the expense of his, no one calling him weak for feeling. He just had one person telling him that she loved him too, and another wanting to be closer to him and hold him tighter. He can feel tears rolling down his cheeks. “Are you okay, Sparky?” Toph asks gently. Zuko nods, meaning it. “Thank you.” He replies, leaning into their hold. 

Kya follows her daughter down the hallway to the hospital wing. She was about to meet the Fire Lord, the one who her son was betrothed to. The great grandson, grandson, son of the men who ruined the world with their lust for power. The man who had chased her children around the world to try and destroy the world's last hope of peace. She didn’t care what the servants and guards had told her about him as they caught her up to Fire Nation history. She didn’t care what the stand in Fire Lord Iroh said about him, Zuko was his nephew, of course he would praise him, tell her he was good. All of those royals were weasel-snakes, Zuko had an ulterior motive. The only way for him to get his hands on the throne was to join the avatar and his friends to defeat his father and be crowned the Fire Lord. When the world let down their guard, he would strike, destroying the world again. She couldn’t believe that Hakoda and Bato had fallen for his act, they were smart, they had fought Fire Nation nobles before, the ones who benefitted from and wanted this war. The ones who didn’t have to fight in the front lines of battle or at all. The ones whose children didn’t get dragged into it. Kya hated that her son wanted to marrying the fucking Fire Lord. When Sokka had nervously told her about his relationship with Zuko after they had found him, she was shocked that Sokka thought she was going to be upset with the fact he was dating a man. A man or woman from the Water Tribe, from the Earth Kingdom, a peasant from the Fire Nation, she would be happy for him. He didn’t even seem to think she would be upset about him dating Fire Nation royalty. She didn’t say anything to him, Sokka was still fragile. Hakoda had made her promise. That didn’t mean she liked it. That didn’t mean she wanted Zuko anywhere near her son. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t going to expose Zuko for what he was to her son. She can only think about how much she doesn’t want to help this man until she opens the door.

When she walks in, Zuko flinches back from her, retreating away from the earthbender, Toph, and into his sister's arms, gripping her tight. She notices how skinny he is. His cheeks are hollow, eyes sunken, body trembling. She can see how his clothes hang on him that the rest of his body must look skeletal as well. Kya had noticed that hair was important to the Fire Nation and the Fire Lord always had hair to his waist in paintings, but Zuko was bald. His head looked freshly shaven. All of her resentment for him dissipates as she looks at the remains of a man whose own father had done this to him. The man who tortured the world had shown no mercy for his own son. If Fire Lord Ozai had done this to his own son now, the stories about him burning his son’s face off and banishing him at 13 were likely true as well. This man had also been a victim of the war when he was only a boy. 

Kya walks towards him, extending her hand to him but he flinches back hard as if she was going to hit him. “Mom, he doesn’t like sudden movements, I’ve found he does best when reaching towards him to tell him what you’re doing.” Katara says softly, Kya nods. Her daughter had really grown into quite the young woman. “I’m going to sit on the bed, is that alright?” Zuko nods. Kya sits down, looking at the trembling man. “Can you tell me your symptoms?” Zuko nods, looking at Katara nervously. “It’s okay, turtleduck.” She hears Katara reply, an interesting name to be calling, especially considering both Zuko and Katara were in relationships not with each other. Katara had mentioned Zuko didn’t want to be called by his name, but she assumed they were using ‘My Lord’ or ‘Your Majesty’ or at least ‘Sir’, not a pet name. “My mom won’t hurt you. I would never bring anyone in here that would hurt you. I promised you that you wouldn’t have to suffer through anymore pain again, I meant it.” 

Kya can’t help but to mourn for the firebender. He was so scared that he was going to be hurt again after being through so much. Zuko looks at her, not meeting her eyes, not in a way that she would expect a noble to feel above her, but in a way that a scared animal would try and become invisible. He hugs himself, moving closer to Azula, Toph gently touches his shoulder before he starts talking. “I feel nauseous, but not from hunger, I have a mild fever, muscle cramps, my whole body aches, not from injuries, my head hurts, the light makes it worse, and just while Katara was getting you over the last 45 minutes I’ve had two hot flashes, several mild muscle spasms, and my vision is mildly blurred...like in the right eye too.” He says quietly. It hurts Kya to think about the fact that he must have spent so long feeling nausea from being starved by his own father, how he must constantly be in pain from what was done to him, she feels bad that she didn’t even consider that the scar would impair his vision, she assumed it did when he said that his right eye was blurry too. “I-I’m scared, miss.” He whimpers, tucking his head under his sister's chin. 

Kya feels tears well in her eyes, her dislike for the man completely forgotten in the few minutes she had been with him. “Were you given any drugs while you were imprisoned? Anything at all. It may have been right out, it may have been in your food or water. Did you ever feel funny?” Kya asks, not sure if she wanted to be right. If she were right that would mean that he was drugged while being held captive and she was pretty sure what being drugged while being held in isolation by multiple men would have meant for Zuko. If she were wrong, she would have no idea what the issue was because it sounded a lot like drug withdrawal. The boys she had lived with while she was supposed to be imprisoned had told her about high drug use in drafted military units. Luckily, if this was an issue they had taught her a relatively easy method for detox. The body would still react poorly, but it shortened the withdrawal period. 

Kya sees Zuko nod. “It was in the water. I-It made everything before hurt.” Zuko says quietly. “What do you mean by that?” Kya asks, very confused. “I-I know I had a life before father was training me to be a better son there, not to be ungrateful and rebellious. After they..” He trailed off for a moment, letting out a small, anguished sob. “They would give me drugged water and it made that life be blurry. All the colors were too bright, noises too loud, and I couldn’t see anything in my memories...it was physically painful to think about them. Father made it so I wouldn’t have my old reasons for betraying him again.” Zuko says, tears in his eyes. Kya feels her own rolling down her cheeks, wishing she could have killed Ozai not just for herself anymore but for this broken man in front of her. “Sweetheart,” She begins, figuring she understood his desire for soft pet names. She sees Zuko flinch hard. “Pl-please don’t ca-call me that.” He sobs, fear and so much shame on his face. “I’m sorry, turtleduck.” She whispers, taking in the name Katara had called him. “You’re going through drug withdrawal right now. It isn’t going to be pleasant, it never is, but you’ll be better after this. I know an herbal tea that tastes disgusting but will help speed up the process. The sooner this drug is fully out of your system, the sooner you’ll hopefully start to get your memories back.” 

Zuko sits up, eyes wide. “No please! I-I can’t remember! Father will be furious, h-he finally loves me, he h-holds me after they do terrible things to me, he lets me hide, I can’t go back to how it was before!” Zuko cries, on the verge of a full panic attack. Kya watches in shock as instead of the people around him telling him that that that man didn’t love him, that he was cruel, evil, and incapable of love, his sister hold him close, shushing him, Toph holds his hand, and she watches in horror as her own daughter takes his other hand and begins to speak. “Turtleduck, it’s alright, it’s alright. We don’t know what you were drugged with, we can’t give you any, it’s going to get out of your system no matter what. My mom just wants to make it more comfortable for you, get it over with faster. When your father comes back for you he can give you more if he sees fit, Azula will tell him that it wasn’t your fault, that you were good for her. He’ll still love you, okay my little turtleduck?” She says gently, kissing the palm of his hand.

“What the actual fuck, Katara?” Kya asks when she finds her voice, her daughter turns and glares at her. “Zuko.” She says sternly, feeling like he needs to hear his name but regrets it a little when she sees him flinch, but she continues. “Your father is a cruel, sadistic man who is incapable of love for anyone or anything. All he cares about is power over people. He fucking drugged and tortured you for almost four months for no other reason than he wanted power. He sees you as nothing but a pawn to be manipulated. He doesn't love you, and that’s not because of you, it’s because his heart is cold and shriveled up. I wish he were still alive so you could see just how horrible he is, so I could give him everything he deserves and more, so-” She is cut off by Katara shoving her against the wall, hand over her mouth. “Mom, shut up, you’re not helping!” Kya shoves Katara’s hand off of her. “Oh and you are? Telling him that a dead man who tortured him is coming back to get him and loves him? Who the fuck says that?” Katara doesn’t reply, she just points angrily at Zuko.

Kya looks and sees Zuko crying too hard to breath or make much of a sound except for the occasional devastated sob that comes out of his mouth when he can force air into his body. He’s writhing on the bed, face a picture of pure agony as he claws at his throat, face turning red, trying to force air into his lungs. His body is shaking violently with anguish. The two women on the bed gently touch him, whispering words of encouragement, trying to help him calm down. Kya tries to walk toward him, but Katara grabs her arm, shaking her head. She is just forced to watch the young man writhe in pain, making horrible sounds of agony every so often, completely broken. 

An eternity later, Zuko’s breaths can be heard, crying a little between each one. “F-f-fath-ther’s d-dead?” He chokes out, trembling violently. Kya opens her mouth to speak, but Azula gives her a look that promises death if she says anything. Toph, Katara, and Azula look at each other, unsure. “I-Is father de-dead?” Zuko says, a little more forcefully, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m sorry, sparky.” Toph says finally. “We didn’t know how to tell you. We wanted you to feel fully safe with Azula before saying anything.” Zuko curls in on himself, crying still. “D-di-did he r-really ne-never love me?” He whimpers. “No, he didn’t, Sparky. He didn’t love anyone.” She whispers softly. “I really am i-impossible to love? I-I really don’t deserve to be loved?” He whimpers, Kya feels tears rolling down her cheeks at how she just broke this man so easily when trying to help. It made sense why Katara had said that now, but it was too late. She hears a chorus of the three of them telling Zuko that isn’t true and that they love him so much. “I want to die. I-I need father. H-he can make me feel loved, f-feel whole a-and safe. I-I can’t d-do this without him, I wo-won’t.” He growls.

“I’m not letting you die.” Azula says, holding him close. “Fuck you, you can’t stop me.” He spits back at her, pulling out of her hold, curling up away from her, shivering from cold. “Mom, go get the herbs, the sooner we can get this out of his system the better.” Katara says before walking towards the bed, Zuko striking out at any of them who try to get near him. Kya feels more tears roll down her cheeks as she leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kya has finally come around to Zuko but didn't know she wasn't supposed to tell him that **** is dead and Zuko is bigger sad and big mad. 
> 
> Please comment i want to hear from people
> 
> Y'all, I have 0% of the next chapter written (will still probably post a new chapter tomorrow morning or afternoon and will start writing after I take my exam today, I write fast) if you guys have any ideas or desires for this story put them in the comments, this is the time to tell me what you want in the story when I literally have nothing written and am taking requests for like the next moment in the story, not several chapters down the road


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this earlier than expected and because its shorter I figured I would post it tonight rather than tomorrow morning. it's a little rough to read but it might give you a little hope for our boy
> 
> Irrelevant to the story: People in my ecology class must have for an extension on some work our professor gave us because she sent out an email saying she had been asked to extending it and to check the website we're on to see the new time and date. The original was December 9th 11:59pm, it is now December 10th 12:00 am. People can say what they want about her but she has an elite sense of humor. Hardest I've laughed in days. (For people who get confused with which is midnight and which is noon in am or pm bc they are weird, that's midnight. She gave us a 1 minute extension.)

Azula gently rubs Zuko’s stomach as he looks at the ceiling, eyes empty, tears staining his face, having long since soaked the pillow. His lips are quivering, occasionally letting out a pained whimper, his heart tearing itself into smaller and smaller shreds with every breath. Azula had long since asked Toph and Katara to leave, giving them some space. Toph had said something about not being able to bear it anymore anyway. He didn’t care. Father was dead. Father had never loved him. Father had died knowing his son was unredeemable, unlovable, unworthy of life, unworthy of death, worthy only of a half life filled with his screams and stained with his blood. The life father had given him. The life he craved despite how much terror it filled him with just to think about. The life that forced his body to bear the pain his heart was feeling now, it was worse. He tried to force his body to feel it, dragging his arms along any edge he could on anything he could reach, smacking his head against hard surfaces, biting himself until he drew blood. That was until Toph and Katara had strapped him down to the bed. Straps made of thick cloth, not chains so they didn’t hurt how he needed them to. Straps held his wrists next to him, going over the upper part of his arms as well, and three over his abdomen. They had initially strapped his legs together on the bed with three straps, but he kept cutting his feet with his toes if he dug them in hard enough so his legs were strapped apart. It was only so long before the man with blue eyes or the older man father hated who had held him the night before came in and realized what they could do to him in this position. How easily the material of his pants could be cut off, how completely helpless he was and incapable of stopping them from drawing pleasure from his body. He didn’t want to be touched like that ever again...but he also kind of did, it would hurt, maybe if he closed his eyes it would feel like father using him for one of the few things he was good at. It’s not like he could stop it from happening, Azula likely wouldn’t stop them, father hadn’t stopped anyone from touching him like that.

He was unwilling to look at her, speak, eat, drink water or the tea Kya had brought to him no matter how much she tried to coax him into it or how his thoughts got more groggy with every passing minute, how much more his body hurt, how cold he was, how hot he was, how much he wanted it to all end. He wants to hurt Azula in any way he could, even if it isn't much. It would make him feel something that wasn’t this. It would make him feel like he was trying to avenge father. He didn’t know what had happened to father, but he knew Azula had something to do with it. “Azula...can I have some tea?” He asks quietly, he was incredibly thirsty, but that wasn't the point. “Of course, turtleduck.” She says sweetly as if she wasn’t a tratous bitch. She lifts his head a little and presses the cup to his lips. Zuko accidentally swallows two large mouthfuls as his body betrays him in thirst, hoping it doesn’t do too much. Hoping it doesn’t push away the remains of what father had given him. He fills his mouth a third, turning to Azula, spitting it in her face and snarling at her.

Azula moves back in surprise, glaring at him a little but doesn’t retaliate. “You’re nothing like father said, he was wrong about you! He loved you and you betrayed him! I loved you and you betrayed me! You deserve the same fate as me, he should have trained you too! Then he might still be alive! We could be a family again!” He sobs, biting his lip, drawing more blood. “Zuko, Ozai is a dis-” Azula begins, hate in her voice before Zuko cuts her off. “You keep his name out of your filthy mouth! He’s better, kinder, and more worthy than any of us! I fucking hate you! Fucking punish yourself, fucking kill yourself you bitch! I hope you die screaming! I hope you die alone and forgotten! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to make you suffer! It’s what father deserves you fucking bitch!” He screams, struggling in his bonds before breaking down, crying uncontrollably again, barely able to breath. He wanted father so bad. He wants to feel fathers hands running over his head, rubbing his shoulders in back, fitting himself gently between his thighs, filling him, letting Zuko choose if he wants this to feel good, not forcing him to, pleasing father in every way that he possibly could, he wanted his father kissing his bruised, swollen, and bloody lips if he wants it to feel good, drinking in the noises he would make. He wants to hear fathers praise about how good he is, how much he’s learning. He needs father controlling his body, his mind, his life. He needs father so bad right now. “F-father.” He whimpers quietly, sobbing as he does, as if that would bring him back.

Azula touches his stomach again, rubbing it gently. He isn’t sure if he is grateful for it or not, if he is he wouldn’t say anything, he fucking hated her. He really did. If he could he would rip her head off her shoulders. Father was right about him, Zuko was weak. She must have noticed how he was squirming wasn’t just out of struggling, it was out of pain. His stomach was twisting itself up into painful knots, Azula’s warmed hand was helping a little. “Father was evil, Zuko, he tortured you.” Zuko glaires. “He was training me. He was training me to be a good, loyal son. He was training me to be strong. Suffering needed to be my teacher, it needed to be yours too you fucking bitch.” He spits at her. “Never speak badly of father! I love him! I love him more than you could ever love anyone you heartless bitch! He loved me! I don’t care what you think! I don’t care what you tell me! He fucking loved me! He did! He told me he did! He made love to me! He-” Azula cuts him off as she cries loudly, covering her mouth. “What, bitch.” He growly, wishing he could firebend like she could, wishing he could burn her with his glare. “Father fucking raped you?” She whispers, hands trembling, looking horrified. Zuko shakes his head violently, remembering how gently he was. “H-he loved me, it wasn’t rape. H-he was gentle, didn’t humiliate me when he made it feel good. He kissed me. He looked me in the eyes and didn’t force me to my knees.” He says, remembering the men teasing him for his loud, desperate moans of pleasure where father kissed him as he moaned and writhed in pleasure, bringing him more as a reward, telling him how good he was, how good he sounded, how much he loved him as he came inside of him. Azula doesn’t respond, she just starts crying. Zuko doesn’t know what hurt her, and really doesn't care, he’s just glad she’s breaking too.

Katara walks in a few hours later, holding a pot of tea her mother had made. Azula had said she got him to drink a cup and he should drink more, her eyes had been red and swollen when she told her this. When Katara asked what was wrong, Azula shook her heads, not wanting to talk about it. She and Azula weren’t exactly best friends, but she knew Azula was strong and didn’t break down easily, she knew she had learned something horrific about her brother. Katara wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She looks at Zuko, spread out on the bed, she hates how vulnerable he looks. She can’t imagine how he feels right now after everything he was put through, but he couldn't be trusted right now. He threatened to kill himself and tried really hurting himself, she figured if he got an opportunity he would make good on his promise. 

Zuko was making small, pained whimpers, writhing a little in his limited range of motion, tears and sweat soaking his clothes and sheets. She sees that Azula’s hand is slightly glowing red, rubbing small, gentle circles on Zuko’s stomach. He was in pain. Her mom had said that considering how strongly he had reacted to the drugs, as he lost his fucking mind and memories, the withdrawls would likely be bad and all they could do was try and ease the pain and flush it out faster. They were already bad, she hoped this was the worst they got. Zuko is covered in sweat, body flushed, shivering, and writing. His eyes are closed, his lip is bleeding with how hard he is biting it, but she can still hear him crying. She knows that Zuko has a high pain tolerance, a ridiculously high pain tolerance that was probably pushed further the past few months, and can’t imagine how much pain he was in right now if he is showing physical signs of pain so often.

Katara pours tea into a cup, gently pulling Zuko’s lips open and begins pouring it down his throat. Iroh had told her to sweeten it with honey, it would hide the bitter taste of the tea, it helps with the likely ravaged throat Zuko had. Zuko apparently also just liked honey in his tea, to the point that Iroh would give him an annoyed look at how much he would put in his jasmine tea Iroh used to make him. Katara thinks Zuko does that just to mess with Iroh, she’s never seen him sweeten tea without him around, but she also doesn't care that much about what Zuko drinks (up until now) and has never paid close attention. She did it anyway, more for Iroh than for Zuko, who had broken the old man’s heart, Iroh wasn’t holding up well. The boy he had taken under his wing, had loved and cherished declared his hate for Iroh with venom in his words, disgust in his eyes, and desperation in his nails as he had clawed at Iroh’s face. 

Zuko sputters a little, trying not to swallow the tea, but does anyways, his position makes it difficult for him not to. Katara hears him whimper, mumbling something incohesive as she refills the cup. He sounds so scared, so desperate, so weak. She hated what she was doing to him right now. She knew it was for his own good. Zuko had become violent, angry, suicidal even and was threatening himself and Azula. He was sick, mentally and physically and needed help, he needed this out of his system now before he could take steps towards recovery. Despite his best interest at heart, she still felt sick with what she was doing to him. She had no idea how often Zuko was spread out on the ground or in the air, incapable of fighting, body completely vulnerable, people around him forcing things into his mouth, down his throat. She was sure that the muzzle wasn’t the only reason he hated having his mouth touched, but she didn’t push him to explain. Zuko probably didn’t want to talk about it, Katara didn’t want to know. 

“I think he should see my therapist.” Azula says suddenly, bringing Katara back, doing nothing to hide the tears in her voice. “I think that after Zuko isn’t so violent he should talk to someone. I think someone should go with him, it would take a long time for him to be willing to be in the room with a stranger, and that’s a big reason why I think he should go to therapy to be able to interact with people again. The one I had, she’s good, she’s gentle, she already knows how our father is due to working with me, and I have never been trained in mental health, I understand the basics from being in therapy for seven years, but I’m not a psychologist. He needs a real doctor.” She says this without looking up, not drying her eyes, not moving her hands away from Zuko’s pained form as Katrara gets Zuko to finish his second cup of tea. “I think you’re right.” Katara replies, putting the up down for a moment, letting Zuko rest a bit. “He needs serious help, but no offense, I’m sure the therapist you saw was great, but he should probably see someone else. Just I know that therapy makes you really expose a lot of yourself and I think he would just feel more comfortable talking to a man.” Katara replies as she puts a new cool towel on Zuko’s burning forehead, assuming Azula had forgotten that Zuko wasn’t always going to be surrounded by women taking care of him, it had just been a coincidence. “He’s scared of other men, Katara. I didn’t realize it at first, but that’s it, he’s had so much bad experience recently in a way he isn’t expecting to be hurt by women.” She says, tears rolling down her cheeks again. “Azula, he wants us around because he recognized you as his sister, had me subconsciously as a healer and therefore safe, and Toph as his best friend. It-”

“Our father raped him, Katara. Not just by the other men there. They were all exclusively men.” Azula says forcefully, gently kissing Zuko’s head, whispering what sounded like a mournful apology in his ear, still holding her warm hands on his stomach, easing whatever pain she could. Katara looks at her in absolute shock, hoping she didn’t hear her right, praying she hadn’t heard that right. She could tell Zuko had been sexually assaulted just by looking at him, she knew he wasn’t going to be okay, she wasn’t surprised when she had freaked out when Sokka, his sexual partner, touched him that first night and tried to the next time Sokka saw him, but this...this was so much worse. If Ozai had done this...that meant there were no boundaries, no line that wasn’t allowed to be crossed, Ozai’s supporters could literally do anything to Zuko’s weak, helpless body that they wanted as long as it didn’t kill him. Ozai didn’t care that Zuko was his son. He just saw him as a thing. Ozai wasn’t just manipulating Zuko when he told him he was property. Ozai literally saw Zuko as a thing that belonged to him. “You, heard me right, Ozai, Zuko’s own fucking father, raped him, regularly, and told him that was love.” She hisses, shaking with rage. Katara can’t think of anything to say, can fit everything she needs to say into words, so she breaks down crying, holding Zuko in her arms, whispering promises she will die before she breaks in his ear. 

Aang was walking down the hall to Zuko’s hospital room. He had been talking to Kya and she had mentioned that Zuko was doing terribly and she was worried, she probably couldn’t tell Sokka about this, it would break him. He knew things between her, Hakoda and Bato were...weird. Not bad weird, just trying to figure out where to go from here weird. It was probably very weird and awkward from any of the 3’s perspective. Wife who was thought dead for 13 years shows up and the husband is now in a serious relationship with his best friend. She probably didn’t want to add anything else to that while they were figuring it all out.

Aang wanted to get on Kya’s good side, things had been starting to get serious between him and Katara and he wanted to get to know Kya, be more a part of the family. They had just talked about themselves for a while and then it turned to Kya’s family, Aang’s had been dead for over 100 years and he didn’t have a traditional family. So they talked about hers...and made fun of Sokka and his antics in an endearing way, it was low hanging fruit and they needed a laugh. Aang reaches the door, knocking quietly as to not startle anyone. He didn’t know many specifics other than what he saw the first night and Kya telling him Zuko was doing really bad, which wasn’t specific. “Come in.” he hears Katara’s voice say, it sounded like she had been crying, a lot. He opens the door slowly, swallowing hard when he looks inside. Both Katara and Azula have definitely been crying for a long time. Zuko is...awful. 

“Why is he tied down?” Aang asks, deeply concerned. “He’s gotten violent and been threatening and trying to kill and hurt himself.” Azula says, voice almost raw. Her hands are red, heating them, holding them on Zuko’s stomach. He notices that the slow shifting Zuko is doing in his restraints is that he’s writing in pain. He hears the first sound from him, a soft cry followed by whimpering before silence again. Aang can’t bring himself to look at Zuko’s face, can’t see how much pain his friend is in. He knew Zuko had suffered in his life, learned to not make a sound when hurt, he must be in agony now. Tears form in his eyes and he doesn’t stop them from falling. “What's wrong with him?” Aang asks as he sits next to Katara, taking her hand in his, she smiles weakly at him. “He was drugged regularly and heavily, we think it's why he can’t remember any of us at all. He’s going through withdrawal, mom said it would be bad...I didn’t think it would be this bad.” Katara says softly, changing the towel on Zuko’s forehead, trying to lower his temperature a little. 

Aang glances at Zuko a little, still avoiding looking at his face, knowing something is different. Then he notices that Zuko is bald, which is odd for a fire national, especially royalty. “Hey look, we match, he just needs tattoos.” Aang says, trying to bring a little light into the atmosphere. The women nod numbly, not saying anything. “Where’s Toph? I thought it was decided that she was going to stay here most of the time with you guys.” He says, trying to keep the women distracted from their suffering friend. “It was upsetting her too much.” Azula says in a monotone voice. It isn’t mocking at all. “She said she could feel how terrified he was all the time, could feel every time his heart broke, could feel every breath he couldn’t take.” Aang doesn’t say anything to that, he just hugs Katara, his heart breaking for Zuko. He feels so guilty. No one has said anything about this being his fault, but he’s sure they’re all thinking it. Aang was supposed to kill Ozai, his past lives had told him to do so, his friends had told him to do so, but Aang saw worth in that man just because he was alive. This had cost Zuko his sanity and earned him so much pain and suffering, much of which he would likely never recover from. 

Zuko whimpers something that Aang can’t understand but sounds more like a word than anything so far. “N-need him.” He says, somewhat cohesive. “Who does he need? Sokka?” Aang asks, ready to go get his friend. Azula shoes her head sadly. “He wants Ozai. He really, really fucked Zuko up...he’s wholly emotionally dependant on him, he started threatening suicide when he found out he was dead. He screams for him when he’s scared. That’s also what Toph couldn’t bear, how much he meant it.” Azula says quietly, kissing her brother’s head. Aang bites his lip hard enough to taste copper. “I’m so sorry Zuko.” He whispers, on the verge of breaking down. “I’m sorry I couldn’t kill him. I’m sorry I let him live so he could do this to you. I-I’m so, so sorry.” He says as he begins to cry, resting his head on the bed, a hand on Zuko’s leg, rubbing it with his thumb gently. 

“U-uncle.” Zuko whimpers, barely understandable. “I-I wa-want Uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, I want to hear your thoughts. I read the comments on the most recent chapter and previous ones and reply to really any of them that can be replied to. I now have no more school.
> 
> I hope this gave you a little hope for little boy.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The initial reason why I started watching Avatar and reading the comics because everyone (like literally just about everyone) in my college ministry watches it and reads it and I wanted to know what the hype was about. During a small gathering where we were all screaming at the fire that we loved it to make it get bigger we got into a long discussion on if Uncle Iroh is the father heart of God. Uncle Iroh had been college church group approved, that is the vibe in this chapter I tried to capture and I hope I did.  
> I decided to not wait until later tonight to post this chapter because it is an important time for Zuko and I won't make you guys wait for his first step.

Iroh is meditating, trying to calm his mind, the flame on the candles rising and falling with each breath he takes. His mind was scattered and his heart hurt. He needed a moment not thinking about his nephew who was in so much pain and distress. He hears a frantic knock at his door, breaking his concentration, mildly annoyed but mostly sad, he had just gotten his broken nephew who hated him so much off of his mind. “Come in.” He says calmly. Aang rushes in, Iroh can’t even open his mouth before Aang is talking. “Zuko wants you, he’s half conscious but he’s asking for you. We thought you would like to see him.” Iroh stands up hastily, grabbing a scroll that contains one of Zuko’s favorite stories before half running to the door. “Take me to him.” he pleads as the Avatar sprints ahead of him, Iroh in tow.

When Iroh opens the door and sees Zuko, he wants to cry. He strapped down to the bed and whimpered and writhing in pain. He can tell Azula is doing all she can to sooth him. The girl who had once relished in Zuko’s pain was now bent over him, hair pulled into a messy ponytail, drenched in her own sweat, bag under her eyes, pouring her energy into her brother. Zuko is covered in sweat, face scrunched in pain, lower lip covered in blood, running down his chin, Azula and Katara working tirelessly to ease his pain. Both women look terrible. "U-uncle.” He hears Zuko whimper. It isn’t a declaration of his arrival, Zuko’s eyes were closed tight. Iroh’s child was begging for him in his hour of need and pain and couldn’t see him. Iroh rushes over, cupping Zuko’s hollow and flushed face in his hands. “Zuko, can you hear me? It’s your uncle Iroh, I’m here.” He whispers, peppering his face with chaste kisses. “U-uncle, I can’t see y-you, I can’t m-move, wh-where are you?” Zuko cries desperately. Before Iroh can say anything, Azula and Katara are already removing the straps from Zuko’s body. “I’m right here nephew.” Iroh says sadly, kissing his forehead. “Can you feel me? I’m here, I’m with you right now, I’m going to hold you in a moment okay?” He says, running a thumb over Zuko’s sharp cheekbone. Zuko nods, whimpering again.

As soon as Zuko is free, Iroh lifts him in his arms, carrying Zuko to the other bed. “If one of you can get someone to change the sheets on that bed that would be good. I’ll watch him for a while, you two go get some rest, you need it.” The women nod, not arguing, Katara tells him to get Zuko to drink more of the tea on the bedside and that he’s going through withdrawal before leaving the room along with Aang. “I’ve got you, nephew.” Iroh whispers, holding Zuko’s fragile, overheated, shivering body to his chest. “Uncle, I can’t see you!” Zuko practically shrieks, moving weakly in his arms. “I-I’m blind!” He sobs, eyes still scrunched closed, sobbing into Iroh’s chest. “I-I’m blind!” Under any other circumstances, Iroh might find this funny, a man closing his eyes tight claiming he can’t see. But this was his nephew, delirious with fever, fear, withdrawal from drugs forced down his throat, and pain, unable to tell he had his eyes closed. Zuko was so scared that he had lost his vision and it broke Iroh’s heart. Iroh would prefer Zuko to scream at him again, to claw at his face, to declare hate than to see him in such a state of delirium and pain.

“Nephew, your eyes are closed, you have to open them, you can see then.” Iroh whispers, kissing Zuko’s right eye before kissing his scar gently in several places. “Please open your eyes nephew, you’re safe, I’ve got you.” He whispers. He hears Zuko whimper again before his eyes start to flutter. It hurts Iroh how harsh and terrified Zuko’s breaths are, how hard he is shaking, how much he doesn’t understand that his eyes are closed. Finally, Iroh sees Zuko’s eyes open, giving him a small smile as a tear rolls down his cheek, pulling him closer.

“U-Uncle!” Zuko sobs, gripping onto Iroh’s robes tightly, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Uncle.” he sobs again, a bit quieter. “It’s alright, nephew, I’ve got you, you’re safe now, I’ve got you. I love you so much, I’m so, so sorry about what happened to you. I’m so sorry we couldn’t find you sooner.” Iroh whispers, rocking his beloved boy in his arms, kissing his head gently. “I-I’m sorry f-for what I-I said to you uncle, I-I didn’t mean it, we-well I did in that st-state, bu-but I love you uncle. I-I love y-you and I-I need y-you.” He cries, trying to pull himself closer to Iroh’s chest. “I know you didn’t, I know you didn’t. You were drugged, brainwashed, and scared, I’m not upset at you.” He says calmly, rubbing Zuko’s sweat covered back.

“Are you hungry?” Iroh asks, Zuko nods frantically. That was good, not that Zuko was starving, but willing to eat. When a servant walks into the room to change the sheets, Iroh asks her to bring two bowls of noodles, she bows, leaving. Iroh pours a cup of the foul smelling tea, handing it to Zuko who takes it, sipping it slowly. “How is your memory?” Iroh asks. “Are you talking about before I was dragged down there...because it’s bad...I don’t even remember how I got there.” Zuko says, talking more easily now, Iroh sits up, leaning against the wall, propping Zuko up against his chest. “Tell me what you remember about your life, any of it, before you were abducted.” Zuko nods, exhaling.

“My name is...I know my name but don't wanna say it, my sister is Azula, my mother is Ursa, my father Ozai. Azula and I were always pitted against each other growing up, our father hated me, he wanted to kill me when I was born because he thought I was a non bender. I know my sister had two close friends, they were in here when I first was rescued and they’re dating now, the two friends, one of them is Mai...I can’t remember the other’s name. My mom disappeared when I was 9, grandfather died, and father became Fire Lord instead of you...I know there was a reason that I knew...I don’t anymore. When I was 13 I did something that upset father in the war room, he made me duel him in an Agni Kai, then burned and banished me when I refused. I had to find the avatar...but I have a memory of me learning fire bending from dragons with him...so that must have not gone to plan. Also Katara has been healing me for days so one of us had to switch sides and it seems like it’s me. I remember Toph was my first friend and she punches people to show affection but she isn’t punching me now because she’s prickly but does care. I have a lot of memories of Katara’s brother, Sokka. Like a lot, i can’t fully see all of them but they’re of him. Spirits, he’s stupid and cute.” Zuko says, covering his mouth at the last statement, obviously not meaning to say it.

Iroh laughs a little, wiping his eyes, relief filling him. Zuko had a long way to go, it was going to take years for him to recover, he might never be the same, but that was his Zuko. He knew who he was. “There you are, nephew.” He says softly, kissing Zuko’s temple. “Uncle...how did you become Fire Lord...is the war over? I think it is but I’m not sure.” Zuko says, looking down, ashamed as a servant comes in, handing them their soup, Iroh thanks her, she bows, leaving. “The war is over, Avatar Aang stripped Ozai of his bending and imprisoned him. You’re actually the Fire Lord and ended the war. Aang came to Ba Sing Se to get me after you were abducted to keep the Fire Nation in order.” Iroh says, expecting more shock from Zuko than he gets, he was probably just hungry and overwhelmed. Zuko begins slowly eating his noodles after finishing his tea, hands shaking a little.

“Why were you in Ba Sing Se, Uncle, I thought the war was over?” Zuko asks, confused. Iroh gives him a sad look. “We were refugees from the Fire Nation for a while, we lived in Ba Sing Se for a little over a month and worked in a tea shop. We got to open our own it got so popular. I still run it, well not right now, Jin and her mother are, but usually I am.” Zuko just quietly takes another bite of noodles, nodding. “It was because of that experience I was relieved when you told me your most recent boyfriend was the Avatar’s idiot friend with the boomerang you think is so cute.” Iroh teases, remembering how upset Zuko had been when Iroh had found out he liked men, Zuko had really thought he was going to be thrown out and scorned by another man who was supposed to love him. Iroh was fine that Zuko liked men, he had realized saying ‘I don’t like the kind of person you're seeing’ may have been a bad choice of phrasing when he found out about Zuko’s boyfriend after. Zuko had thought Iroh was disgusted that Zuko was seeing a man. Iroh just really hated Jet. He was an angry asshole that was using Zuko’s desire for validation and affection to take advantage of him and he knew that asshole was just using his precious nephew for sex and didn’t love him.

Zuko looks at him in shock, coughing a little. “Y-you don’t hate me for liking men?” Zuko asks, genuinely surprised. “Of course I don’t, nephew. Sokka is a wonderful young man who treats you right and loves you like you deserve. I know you guys are also dating Suki...I don’t know all the details, you are going to have to ask them to clear that up for you when that becomes more important. I can assure you that they love you very much and treat you well.” Iroh says, smiling a little before Zuko throws his arms around Iroh’s neck. “Th-thank you uncle. Thank you for not hating me.” Zuko whimpers, so, so sad. Iroh can’t imagine this weight he carried on his heart before Iroh had found out, thinking that Iroh’s love was conditional. “I’m not your father.” Iroh says gently.

Zuko pulls away, looking at him. “Speaking of father...I need to tell you something, I think Azula and Katara know, but you can’t tell anyone else, I need you to promise me, uncle.” Zuko says, fear in his voice, shame in his eyes. Iroh feels sick, wondering what horrors Ozai had done to his child. His child. Iroh’s child. Zuko was Iroh’s child, not Ozai’s. “I promise you, nephew, I won’t tell anyone. Tell me anything you need. I told you I would bear any burden to lift an ounce of your pain, say anything you need to.” Iroh whispers, kissing Zuko’s head again. Zuko takes a deep breath before beginning. “Fa-father did this to me so many times, I lost count. E-every time after, he would let me l-lay on the ground and sleep, it was the only time I-I was allowed t-to, I was a-always so tired. H-he would tell me I was good, h-he would hold m-me, h-he would f-feed me, h-he wouldn’t h-humiliate m-me like the others d-did wh-when they did i-it...I-I would look forward to fa-father doing i-it, h-he’d make m-me feel good a-and n-not shame m-me for li-liking i-it. Pa-part o-of me st-still wants hi-him t-to touch m-me like that, li-like r-really wants h-him t-to. Wh-what does that make m-me uncle?” Zuko sobs, his words getting worse through what he was saying. He couldn’t be saying that. Ozai was evil, but that was beyond evil. “Zuko...what did Ozai do to you?” Iroh whispers, not sure if he could hear Zuko say it, it would make it real, it would make it undeniable. Ozai had raped his own son. “Do-don’t ma-make me s-say i-it u-uncle, y-you kn-know what he did!” Zuko cries, moving back against his chest, clutching Iroh tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Zuko. I am so sorry. I will die before I let anyone ever touch you like that again. I won’t tell anyone. No one outside of us and likely Azula and Katara know what Ozai did, but everyone knows what the other men did to you. The evidence was all over your body. I’m sure that after this, seeing Sokka and Suki might be difficult for you, but they know what was done to you, they love you, they will understand if you don’t want to be touched. They won’t take it personally. You never have to tell them about Ozai if you don’t want to, they’ll understand.” Iroh whispers, laying down, still holding Zuko. He hears him say something that sounds like thank you. “I love you, Zuko. I will always protect you. I know you don’t remember your friends well right now, but they love you so much and will protect you. They refuse to leave the palace even though they haven’t been able to see you, they searched for you for over three months, they will be with you when you need them, understand?” Zuko nods. “I also don’t know if I need to say this, but after everything you’ve been through I should. I would never touch you like that, nephew. Never. You get some rest, okay?” Iroh says quietly, Zuko doesn’t reply, he’s asleep, finally peaceful and not in pain.

Zuko feels horrible consciousness creep into his body as he groans softly, shifting a little. He notices almost immediately that his fever had finally broken, but he still feels like absolute shit. He feels himself being held against someone’s broad chest with strong arms, large hands gently rubbing his back, slowly rocking his body. His head feels fuzzy, static starts slowly clearing again, very slowly. He remembers breaking down in a man’s arms who loves him unconditionally, who always has been and always will be his safe haven. “Father?” He says softly. He wants nothing more than this man to be father, touching him, holding him, making him feel worthy. He also never wants to think of father again, he never wants the ghosts of father’s hands touching his body in comfort, always demanding he give more. Pleasing father and receiving affection for a little sliver of his sanity and his soul.

“No nephew, it’s your uncle Iroh.” The man says sadly, holding him a little closer. The memories from earlier start to get clearer...some of the ones from before father took him are vague, he can get a semblance of what his life was...a lot of memories of the Avatar’s cute friend who always had a plan, time to be an idiot, and a boomerang. He blushes a little at the thought. “Uncle.” Zuko corrects himself, nuzzling closer to Iroh’s chest, feeling safe, warm, and loved. “I love you, uncle.” He mumbles, not opening his eyes. “I love you too, nephew. I love you so much. I’m so happy you’re coming back to me.” Uncle whispers, pressing his lips against Zuko’s bald head.

Zuko wonders for a moment if he regrets having Katara shave him. He quickly comes to the conclusion that he doesn’t. It means no one can pull his hair while he’s recovering, he won’t be filled with as much horror when he sees fire...still a lot, but they can’t set his hair on fire. It’s just hair, it will grow back. He vaguely hears something in the back of his head saying it deals with something about honor, but Zuko ignores it. Cultural significance and respect is not something he cares about right now. He wants to feel safe. He needs to feel safe.

He has a vague memory of uncle mentioning Zuko and the water tribe boy were a couple...that uncle didn’t hate him for being gay. “Uncle...you really don’t hate me for liking men?” He asks quietly, remembering how much pleasure his father took in keeping the ban on homosexuality, not being able to imagine his father hating Zuko anymore than he already did of he ever found out about him. That was before he was taken. He does remember father saying something about being disgusted with who Zuko chose to be with but a water tribe savage was what he deserved and that at least they couldn’t have children at the very beginning of his captivity. He can’t remember how father knew, he pushes that memory out of his head, he doesn’t want that one.

“Of course I don’t hate you, Zuko.” Iroh says, bringing Zuko back to the warm bed with his uncle who was safe. “I will always love you, nephew, always.” Iroh continues, kissing his head again. Zuko has a distant, fuzzy memory of Iroh getting mad when he found out about his boyfriend in the Earth Kingdom city, Ba Sing Se, the one uncle apparently still lived in. “Uncle...why did you get mad when you found out I was dating a boy in Ba Sing Se then? I genuinely don’t remember the details other than you found out and weren’t happy.” Zuko says, biting his lip, uncle pulls him a little closer. “I didn’t care that he was a man, nephew, I cared that he was an asshole. I was worried you just had really bad taste in men because of the men you had grown up around, used to being treated poorly and being told that was just how love was. If you have a memory of me being less than thrilled when you told me you had a new boyfriend after the war, it was because I was worried you had another one who wasn’t good to you.”

Zuko smiles a little, glad he had his uncle to make sure he was okay, to find him in the shadows father had cast over his mind. “Can you tell me that story? Like the long version, including the part with my new boyfriend who isn’t shitty? I want my memories back. I want my life back. I want to be the version you love, not the one father does.” Zuko says, looking up at uncle hopefully. Iroh gives him a small smile. “Of course, Zuko.” Iroh says warmly, Zuko recoils a little at the name. “I-I still don’t want to go by my name for a little longer, if that’s okay. Makes me feel like father is going to come in and tell me I belong to him, that I’m his property, m-make me remember that I do, h-his reminders were painful and h-humiliating.” Zuko says, ashamed. “Whatever you need, nephew.” Iroh says softly. Zuko exhales in relief and looks at him expectantly, waiting for him to start talking.

“So when we were going to Ba Sing Se, you met a group of boys of the ship, you guys stole some food from the captain's quarters and distributed it among everyone. I was happy for you that maybe you had found some friends, you went off alone with the leader, Jet, for a long while, I was asleep before you got back. He was a handsome young man and you got flustered around him so I figured I knew what was happening.” Iroh says, chuckling a little, Zuko feels his face warm with embarrassment, fidgeting with his hands. His uncle knowing he had had sex with some guy he met on a ship shouldn’t be as embarrassing as it was considering only hours ago he had admitted he was raped by 12 men and his own father, but it was, Zuko shoves that thought out of his head, not wanting to think about the men or his father.

“We started working at a tea shop.” Uncle continues. “Jet would show up every so often after your shift, and you would go off together. You would always be either angry or sad the entire time, you had always been like that and I figured it had to do with being refugees from your homeland, I didn’t even think that the boy you were seeing had anything to do with it. He must have known that you were desperate for love and validation and he exploited that. One night I saw you two arguing in an ally by our apartment. He was saying something about how he was going to leave you and no one else would want you if you didn’t continue doing something or other with him. I didn’t get a chance to even consider stepping in when you told him to fuck off and left. That was the night that I told you I knew about him. In hindsight ‘I don’t like the kind of person you're seeing’ was not the phrase I should have used with you growing up in a homophobic country. You broke down crying, begging me to not kick you out, that you would ‘change your ways’ and that you still liked women so there was 'hope for you'. It hurt me to know you thought my love was so conditional, and that isn’t your fault, it’s your father’s.” Iroh says gently, Zuko nuzzles his face into his neck. He vaguely remembers a young man with tan skin and a stupid thing of wheat in his mouth, pulling him into an ally after work, demanding he get on his knees for him. Another person who had done this to him, how many people had? Was Jet the only other, was there just something about him that made taking from his body okay? He doesn’t want to think too hard about it as he curls into Iroh’s chest. Uncle loved him the way he should. He knew uncle never had and never would touch him like that. Uncle was safe. Uncle wasn’t like other men.

“It took me a long time to explain that I meant I didn’t like you dating assholes who were using you and didn’t love you like you deserved and needed. I had no issue that he was a man. After two days you finally agreed to break up with him, you came home crying and didn’t want to talk. The next day he tried to turn us in for being firebenders, you fought him when he attacked and he was arrested. You weren’t upset with me anymore after that, and agreed he was an asshole. About three days later a sweet girl named Jin asked you on a date, I was probably a little too enthusiastic for you. You just went on one date, it didn’t work out but you came back with a little bit of a smile again. She was nice to you, respected your boundaries, and didn't demand anything. I think it was good for you, she is running the tea shop now. Actually after your coronation, you went back and thanked her, you took her out on an explaining who you were and why you had run off at the end of your date, dressed as the Fire Lord, she had a lot of fun and I kind of took her under my wing when you had to go back to the Fire Nation and I didn’t get to see you as much anymore. Her father had died when she was young and she introduced me to her overworked mother who doesn’t need to work nearly as much anymore now. I started seeing her in a romantic way, the mother, not the girl, we aren’t too old to be happy.” Uncle says happily. “I wrote to them, they understand why I am here for now. I am staying here until you can physically force me to leave the palace.” Iroh jokes. Zuko smiles, he had an asshole ex boyfriend but that was over and his uncle was happy. Uncle had found someone even at his older age. It made Zuko happy to know Iroh had that.

“A year after the war you told me that you had a boyfriend who had a girlfriend and you beat up your fathers supporters and weasel-snakey nobles and cuddled with the girlfriend. That is how you put it, those were your words. I was preparing myself for the worst as I already knew about your poor taste in men and was thinking if this one was seeing someone else already, I was preparing myself for your heartbreak. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when you introduced me to the dumbest genius in the world and Suki. The way they looked at you and each other, held your hand, hugged you, all of you always wanted to be around each other, all that worry dissipated. They’re good people who love you so much, nephew.” Iroh says, hissing Zuko’s temple. “Thank you, uncle.” Zuko replies, feeling tears well in his eyes, smiling warmly for the first time in a long time. “Thank you for telling me, thank you for accepting me and for loving me. I'm happy you’ve found someone.” He says, smiling.

Zuko presses his ear back against Iroh’s chest, liking the familiar rumble of his voice, his laugh, and his breath. It made him feel safe and calm. “Want me to read to you?” Iroh asks, picking up a scroll from the bedside table. Zuko recognizes it as ‘love among the dragons’, the play his mother always used to read to him when he was scared or sad, and the play they would see together every year. Zuko feels so calm, loved, and safe as his uncle begins reading. He can feel himself enveloped in his uncle’s voice and the familiar, soothing words. He’s home and he’s safe. Things are going to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Jet is a bitch.  
> Please tell me what you think of this:)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the end notes after the chapter. Or do, It has minor spoilers for this chapter if you read it first but not really. I can't and won't stop you on the grounds i'm not emotionally invested in what you do in your free time.

Sokka knew that Zuko was somewhat lucid. Katara had told him that Azula had left his side for the first time in the week that he had been back. Katara was now getting some much needed rest and he assumed Azula was doing the same. He knew that Iroh was with Zuko right now, which was good. Zuko was allowing new people to take care of him and Iroh got to see his nephew. Katara had said that Zuko thought Azula fucking owned him and would freak out if he didn’t know where she was. The fact that Azula could leave him with Iroh was a step forward in the right direction, it had to be. Sokka needed Zuko to be getting better. The ache of Zuko shrieking in terror when Sokka had come near him, thinking that Sokka would ever hurt him, acting as if he couldn’t recognize him, hadn’t stopped once since he saw Zuko last. Sokka had tried to spend time in the garden, but it reminded him of Zuko too much and how he wasn’t well enough to spend time there. He and Suki had been sleeping in a spare room that belonged to none of them. Sleeping in one of their rooms just brought on the ache that Zuko was too scared of Sokka to let him near him, let alone hold him. 

Sokka had gone into town yesterday and had found Zuko’s favorite candy. It was absolutely disgusting. It was caramel which by itself was delicious, Sokka had gotten some plain caramel candies for himself. But Zuko liked this really weird kind that had spicy pepper flakes in them, and they were awful. Sokka had been forced to taste them more than he would like. Whenever Zuko ate any, the flavor would stay in his mouth and he would come up to Sokka acting all sweet and affectionate and kiss him, making Sokka taste the disgusting sweet and spicy candy. Sokka fell for it every single time and Suki thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen, no matter how many years Zuko had been pulling this exact same prank. Sokka doesn’t know what he would give to have Zuko kiss him like that again, laughing at Sokka’s face of disgust before Sokka would playfully wrestle with him or loudly complain or just tell Zuko to go fuck himself. It was harder for Sokka to get the second thing. He had gone to the courtyard and picked up one of the turtle-ducklings which was now sleeping in his cupped hands. He has the candies and some seeds in his pockets, standing outside Zuko’s door. Now all he needs to do is work up the courage to knock.

He finally does when he shifts the little creature into one hand, knocking quietly. “Come in.” He hears Iroh’s voice call and Sokka slowly opens the door, not wanting to repeat the events of last time. Zuko and Iroh are sitting on the other bed, the bed they were using last time has been cleaned and changed. Iroh is sitting up, giving Sokka a warm smile as he holds Zuko to his chest. Zuko is curled up in Iroh’s lap, looking warily at Sokka, clutching Iroh a little closer. “Hey, turtle-duck.” Sokka says softly, smiling at him. He wished that the others had been using a different name to call Zuko when he was traumatized by his own. Sokka liked that pet name but he hoped it wasn’t tarnished by the events of the past week. 

Sokka starts slowly walking forward, watching Zuko’s face carefully as he does, not wanting to scare him. “May I sit there, fire lily?” Sokka asks, he didn’t like that pet name as much (he still liked it) but wanted to use something different. Zuko nods tentatively as he presses in closer to Iroh. “It’s okay, nephew. Sokka loves you very much. He’s a good, kind man. He would never hurt you, I will never let anyone hurt you again.” He says softly to Zuko as he begins trembling a little when Sokka sits down. “Would you like me to leave, I understand if you do, love.” Sokka says quietly, thankfully, Zuko shakes his head. 

“I brought you a friend.” Sokka says, showing Zuko the turtle duck. “I thought because you can’t go into the courtyard yet I would bring a turtle duck to you, I can bring it back after, but you always liked them and I thought seeing one would calm you down.” Soka says quickly, slowly moving his hands so Zuko could take the sleeping turtle duck nestled in his hands. Zuko looks at Iroh desperately, biting his lip. Iroh takes the turtle duck gently from Sokka and places it in Zuko’s cupped hands. Zuko sits up a little straighter and smiles a little at the creature. “Hey little guy.” He says quietly. Sokka wants to cry, Zuko is too scared to let Sokka touch him, even his hand. It seems almost worse than when Zuko freaked out on him. That wasn’t Zuko, that was the scared man Ozai had broken, nothing of Zuko left inside of him. This was just a really scared version of Zuko. The way he looked at his turtle duck, the way he leaned into Iroh’s embrace, the crooked little smile he had, skin not stretching properly on the left side of his face. It would look more like him if Zuko had a strand of his long hair curling around his ear, out of place maybe reaching far enough for the turtle duck to pull on it, making him laugh. Zuko doesn’t even have prickly little hairs on his head yet.

“Thank you, Sokka.” Zuko says quietly, not looking up. “I brought you something else.” Sokka says, slowly reaching into his pocket pulling out some seeds for the turtle duck and Zuko’s disgusting candies, slowly placing them on the bed. It hurts so much when Zuko flinches even at that movement. “Seeds are for Herbert, there, and these are your favorite candies. I think they’re disgusting but if they make you happy then I’m happy.” Sokka says, giving Zuko a smile. “Herbert?” He asks, putting the turtle duck in his lap and slowly reaching his hand towards the bags on the bed, flinching back every little bit as if expecting Sokka to have an ulterior motive. 

“I, esteemed genius, Ambassador Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, have decreed that all of the Fire Nation turtle ducks be named Herbert.” Sokka says, intentionally sounding pretentious. It earns him a small smile from Zuko as he reaches the bags, pulling them back behind him and Iroh where he can reach them safely. “Why?” He asks, taking a few seeds from the bag, feeding them to herbert. “You hate that name and I thought that it was funny and so I kept calling them that and you kept threatening to have me executed for treason, which you would never do because you’re a sweetheart.” Sokka says, starting to grin but it falls immediately when Zuko flinches. “Pl-please d-don’t call m-me that...th-the last th-thing.” Zuko says, shaking his head. “I’m so sorry, love, I’m so sorry, I’ll leave if you want me to.” He says, heart cracking, wondering what could have happened for Zuko to be so scared of that pet name. “I-It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

They are completely quiet for a while before Sokka sees a long, thick piece of cloth near the other bed. “Would it make you feel safer if Iroh tied my hands in front of me and then tied them right here to the bed frame?” He asks, pointing to the metal in front of him. “I would have a limited range of motion and wouldn’t be able to grab you without putting some time into struggling with the knot. I won’t feel unsafe, I trust both of you completely.” He says hopefully. Zuko nods almost frantically. “Pl-please. If you’re okay w-with that.” He says, looking between Iroh and Sokka. Iroh nods once. “Anything to make you feel safer, my love.” Sokka says as he grabs one of the straps and slowly hands it to Iroh. Zuko watches them both intently as Iroh carefully ties Sokka’s hands in front of him, a cloth cuff around one wrist and then the other, giving him about six inches to move his hands apart. He then ties Sokka’s wrist to the bed frame, giving him a little less than a foot to work with. It would feel uncomfortable until Sokka sees the relief on Zuko’s face. Sokka can’t touch him without Zuko being fully aware of him trying to. 

“You can touch me if you want, turtle duck. I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me and would listen if I told you to stop doing something. I promise I won’t grab you if you do, and I will have a lot of trouble doing so If I tried. Alright love?” Sokka says, looking at the scared man in front of him. It hurts him that this is the same man who regularly faced danger head on with no concern for his well being now couldn’t be in the same room with his boyfriend without getting scared. He broke him. Ozai broke Zuko. Sokka didn’t even know what had been done to him, but he knew it had to be terrible. He knew Zuko would wake up screaming about it for years to come, unable to let Sokka touch him. Sokka was going to be forced to watch the man he loved cry in fear and pain and be unable to help him. Unable to pull him to his chest, rubbing his back and whispering into Zuko’s ear how much he loved him, how he was safe, how he would always protect him.

“Uncle told me that we’re together, but also with Suki, is that right?” Zuko asks, kissing his turtle duck’s little head. “Yes we are, Suki and I are romantically involved, You and I are romantically involved, and then you and Suki are like really close friends but snuggle together sometimes. It’s really nice.” Zuko smiles a little. “That sounds nice.” He says quietly. 

“Love, I want you to know I will give you as much time and space as you need to heal, I won’t touch you in any way until you’re ready. I love you so much and I want you to feel safe. I won’t be upset if you tell me I can hug you, hold your hind, kiss you but then realize you aren’t okay with it and want me to fuck off. I just want you to feel safe again, and I want to help if you are willing to let me.” Sokka says, looking into Zuko’s gorgeous gold eyes. It’s the eyes of firebenders but Zuko’s were particularly beautiful. Everything about him is beautiful. Sokka wants to hold him close, gently suck on his neck, tease him with his hands, feel Zuko’s hands wrapped in his hair or running down his back in anticipation, begging Sokka to make love to him. 

Sokka shakes those thoughts from his head very fast. ‘He won’t even let you touch him, he can’t be around him with your hands free, you better keep all of that shit locked in your head, bub.’ He thinks to himself angrily. “C-can I touch your face?” Zuko asks tentatively. “Yes, fire lily.” Sokka says, smiling. Zuko slowly reaches his hand forward, cupping Sokka’s cheek in his, running his thumb over his cheek. “I love you, fire lily. I love you so much.” Sokka whispers, leaning into Zuko’s warm touch. He wanted to kiss the inside of Zuko’s wrist, it was so close to his mouth, but he didn’t want to risk scaring Zuko. He was fragile right now and needed to be in control of the situation. Zuko keeps his hand on Sokka’s face, he can tell he is trembling slightly, not much, but it still hurts. 

All too soon, Zuko pulls his hand away, cupping the turtle duck again. Sokka keeps thinking about how Zuko was held in his chains, how painful it looked, how limited his motion was. He was probably forced to stand for days, body shaking from pain and exhaustion, but likely not having walked in four months with his legs spread at a painful distance. “Turtle duck, can you walk? Like are you physically able to, I'm not requesting you to.” Sokka asks, that had just occurred to him. He was sure he had heard Katara and the other healers talk about severe muscle deterioration. Zuko shakes his head, letting out a small cry. “I-I can’t and it’s humiliating.” Zuko practically sobs. “I-I can’t take care o-of myself, I-I’m already putting so m-much on the people a-around me and I ca-can’t even do this.” He whimpers, pulling the turtle duck gently to his chest and burying his face in Iroh’s, Sokka feels like an asshole. 

“Hey, hey it’s okay, nephew.” Iroh whispers, kissing his head. “We’ll get you back on your feet, you can learn to walk again. When Katara gets back she can assess the damage now that most of your injuries are healed. She can tell you what you need to do.” Iroh says gently, rubbing Zuko’s back. “You aren’t a burden, nephew. We knew you were going to need help when we found you. We knew we would need to set a lot of time aside to heal you. We all want to help you, we all want you better.” Iroh continues, humming gently. Iroh was right about them all knowing that they were going to need to set aside enormous amounts of time to help Zuko, but none of them were expecting Zuko to be in as bad shape as he was. None of them were expecting him to not recognize them in the beginning and barely remember them now. None of them expected that he wasn’t going to be able to walk or only let a few certain people touch him or even get near him. All of them expected Zuko to be traumatized, but they didn’t expect him to be broken. Sokka was willing to put in as much time as Zuko needed, but it was going to be a long time filled with pain for all of them. 

Eventually, Zuko pulls his head away from Iroh, looking at Sokka. “Can you tell me a story about us? Like any moment, just as long as it isn’t bad. I have very general memories and they even aren’t that good...I don’t have any details. I-I remember that you’re kind, caring, smart, funny and a good person. I do as of now think that you’re pretty cute as well.” Zuko says, smiling awkwardly and blushing a bit, Sokka grins. “I will have you know, the word you are looking for is sexy.” Sokka jokes, laughing a little, happy when he sees Zuko roll his eyes. “I’ll make sure to add annoying to the list.” He grumbles. “Hey, I am endearing.” Zuko tries to hide his next smile before talking again. “When I’m okay with you touching me again, I want to be able to love you again, to remember why I loved you before and that is all built on the details of our relationship which I don’t have right now. I want to remember everything about you, and the more uncle has told me about myself the more things have begun to come back to me on their own. Not much right now, but I’m sure working on it will help.” Zuko says quietly, looking at the turtle duck.

Sokka thinks about what he could tell Zuko. He thinks about telling him when he first started having feelings for Zuko which was during the time they had broken his dad out of prison. Zuko had been so brave, despite most of team avatar having expressed dislike for him. The memories of falling for Zuko began to make way for the memories of guilt he now felt fow what he thought about Zuko before. 

Sokka hated himself for knowing that if push came to shove, and the situation presented itself, if Sokka was pressed between saving his dad and Suki, and making it less likely to escape if he got Zuko, he would have left him behind. He would have left Zuko behind after he came with Sokka willingly to help him free his dad, a man whom they would later learn Zuko was absolutely terrified of. He had abandoned his sense of safety for Sokka and Katara’s happiness. Zuko had pulled suspicion off of Sokka which would have in turn made it clear he was going to break Suki out of prison and pushed it onto himself, and people were intentionally cruel to him. Zuko had willingly gone into the cooler which was agonizing for firebenders to help with a plan that would fail. He stayed behind to help Sokka, risking his own freedom despite an escape route for him. Despite all of this, Sokka was willing to leave him behind in a way he wasn’t willing to leave his dad or Suki. He wouldn’t have felt good about leaving Zuko behind, but he would mostly feel bad that he had cost Aang his fire bending teacher. He wouldn’t have felt bad about leaving a person behind whose own father wanted him executed. Zuko had shown so much strength and loyalty in that mission that Sokka hadn’t and he couldn’t help but feel something for him, he didn’t know what that something was until a few years later. Sokka always told the boiling rock story over exaggerating himself as the hero and everyone who had been there with him always let him, giving each other amused looks. What it had been was the moment that sparked his love for Zuko, and also a moment that swallowed him in guilt when he thought too much about it such as now. The moment that revealed the kind of person that Sokka really was.

Sokka clears his thoughts as he sees Zuko looking at him expectantly, a tentative look of trust on his face. “Wanna hear about when we first got together?” He settles on, the boiling rock now gone from his head. Zuko nods, smiling a little more at him. 

“So, you, Suki, and I had all been becoming close friends and spending our time together, luckily with Suki being one of your body guards, as long as the two of us were off we could all spend time together. One night after Suki wasn’t technically on duty the three of us got really drunk. I can’t give you many more details than this because none of use really remember, we were fucking wasted. But you and I ended up making out after i think we both drunkenly confessed that we had a crush on each other and - don’t give me that look, you fucking turtle crab, we were drunk and the story is about two days later.” Sokka says mildly defensively at Zuko’s skeptical look, but it was probably too much as he saw Zuko flinch a little. Sokka gives him a guilty look and Iroh kisses Zuko’s head again, whispering some words of encouragement. “Sorry.” Sokka says, giving Zuko a sad look. Zuko shrugs. “What’s with you and the fire nation flora and fauna names?” Zuko asks, gently biting his lip again. That was a habit that he would need to break, his lower lip was almost completely raw, blood running down his chin.

“I think they’re cute, and you don’t want me to call you by your name my little mongoose lizard.” Sokka teases, earning him an eye roll as Zuko eats one of the candies he had brought. “Oh these are good, thank you.” He says. “Well you have terrible taste in candy, and it doesn’t have to be just Fire Nation my wild winter scallion.” Sokka says, grinning, feeling like he was talking to the real Zuko for a moment. “Uncle, did he bribe you to tell me that we’re dating, because he seems pretty fucking annoying to me.” Zuko says, letting out a soft breath of laughter. “Unfortunately this is the one that you want, I have no idea how two people want him, especially people like you and Suki.” Iroh says, smiling at Zuko, he was probably overjoyed to hear Zuko drop down his guard and have a conversation like this, a little bit of Zuko coming through the cracks of his anxiety.

“Iroh,” Sokka grumbles. “You said you liked me and were happy I was with Zuko, now you’re saying you’re just full of shit?” Iroh laughs a little. “Oh I think you’re very good for Zuko, you just have an enormous ego and are ridiculously annoying.” He replies, running a thumb over Zuko’s head. Sokka grumbles about how the people here just can’t appreciate his humor and genius and that they’re the annoying ones until he notices Zuko’s look, waiting quietly for him to continue. 

“Well you got really quiet and seemed upset the next day and were upset and I thought it was because I had pushed you too far and did something to you that hadn’t wanted me to do and I didn’t notice. The day after that you started apologizing and saying that you were sorry about what you had done and started saying some pretty terrible things about yourself that aren’t true and had thought that you had ruined our friendship. Suki and I had taken you into one of the palace gardens, made sure we were all hidden behind flowers and grasses and kissed you again, like a lot. We told you that Suki and I had felt something was missing in our relationship for a while and that you were it. That was when the three of us started sleeping together when Suki wasn’t on a night shift, when she was it would be the two of us. Within two weeks you and Suki decided you were better off as very affectionate friends and dealt out vigilante justice around the nation, snuggling together, and bullying me.” Sokka grumbles indignantly. 

“Sokka, I think you need to leave.” He hears Iroh whisper, pulling Zuko’s body a little closer to his chest. 

Sokka opens his mouth to argue but then he sees Zuko. He’s trembling in Iroh’s arms, tears were forming in his eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. He’s looking dead ahead, eyes wide, not taking in anything. “Wh-what did I do, di-”

“It’s okay Sokka, even in the short time I’ve been taking care of him I’ve noticed he gets overwhelmed very easily. I should have asked Azula and Katara more about his state, but they needed rest.” He says, gently taking Herbert out of Zuko’s hands, giving him back to Sokka. “I don’t think it was anything in particular that you said or did, you can ask one of the girls when you see them next, but I think he just hit his limit for what he can process and his response to things has become to automatically shut down to feel safe.” Iroh says calmly, turning Zuko’s trembling body towards him, helping Zuko hide his face in Iroh’s shoulder. 

Iroh holds Zuko with one arm securely to his chest, untying the knots binding Sokka’s wrists with his free hand. “When the girls come back to watch him, I’ll find you and tell you what was wrong, alight, Sokka?” Sokka nods. “Thank you, Iroh. I love you, turtle duck.” He says before turning and walking out of the room, taking Herbert back to the pond.

Sokka looks around and no one is there as he sits against the tree by the pond. He finally allows himself to break down right there at the courtyard pond, mourning for his lost love who he may never find again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two chapters have been particularly soft (especially this one) because Zuko needs a freaking break from it all right now. I will probably do several more interactions with his friends telling him a story about his life to help with his memory spread out a little. If there are any requests for what these stories may be please tell me in the comments, like who is telling it and about what as vaguely or specifically as you want. If no one has anything in particular I will just come up with a few more things.   
> In the next chapter we will likely get back to angst for a bit, the road to recovery is a bumpy one and Zuko has a very long way to go so think about what specific good memories you want this boy to have. I am being completely serious about this I am taking requests for these memory stories with his friends.   
> The ropes around Sokka's wrists were not a kinky thing, they were a Zuko is scared and doesn't trust Sokka not to touch him thing and it is not anything different!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We back to angst again

Zuko is laying on a bed he doesn’t quite recognize but vaguely knows it's his, not his hospital bed, his bed in his room. It's soft, warm, a little too warm with the fire nation heat, but he isn’t going to complain. Anyways, he feels groggy and his limbs feel heavy, he’s too tired to get up and open a window, too weak. He sighs softly. Luckily there aren’t any blankets over him, he is just dressed in something loose and silky that covered his legs. He signs, letting his eyes close.

It feels like only a moment before he hears a loud noise coming from the door. “Sokka, you’re a fucking dumbass. Lay down.” He hears Suki say, wrestling something from Sokka’s hands and shoving him. He can hear Sokka grumble about not being appreciated enough around here as closes the door and begins to pull off his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. He is in his underwear, his body in a light sweat from the summer heat and then pulls that off as well, approaching Zuko, crawling into bed next to him, pressing his naked body against Zuko. Wrapping his strong arms around Zuko’s tiny waist, pulling him close to him, enveloping him in his scent and heat. 

Zuko lets out a soft whimper, really not wanting to be touched right now, especially not by Sokka wearing...nothing. “You sound so beautiful.” Sokka whispers, his breath burning on Zuko’s neck as he slips his large hand under Zuko’s clothes, rubbing his body in places where he knows Zuko will react. “I want to hear you, I want to feel you, turtle duck. I want you to be mine.” Zuko tries to talk, to tell Sokka to get off of him when Sokka’s hot mouth comes over Zuko’s nipple, he moans loudly, trying to shove Sokka off of him as he pulls the thin cloth easily off of Zuko’s thin, weak body. He can hear it rip a little.

Sokka sits on top of Zuko, holding him in place with his legs and weight, making it difficult to breath as he begins ripping the fabric Zuko had been wearing. “You smell like them, you know.” Sokka says, easily binding Zuko’s skinny wrists above his head, binding him to the bed so he can do even less to fight him. Zuko whimpers loudly, trying to speak but he can’t. “I can smell them on you, pet, you are mine. You belong to me. I want everyone to know I own you.” He says, forcing Zuko’s legs apart, kneeling between them, rubbing his upper inner thigh as he brings his mouth to his nipple again, sucking harder. Zuko moans loudly and writhes with pleasure and sobs with fear. He can hear voices yelling at him, he can feel hands that aren't there grabbing him, shaking him, he cries harder.

“You sound so good sweetheart, I’m going to make you feel so good, you’re going to smell like me, you’re going to be mine. I’m going to make you scream and beg. This is what love is, fire lily. This is how you show that you love me, this is how you earn my love back, this is how you prove to me that you didn’t want them to fuck you. It’s how you prove you aren’t a disgusting whore.” Sokka says cruelly, putting the necklace with the red ribbon and stone pendant carved with a moon and a sun around his neck, he immediately cries harder. This was what they made him wear while fucking him, he wanted it off, it burned, it was too heavy to breath in. 

“This will show everyone that you belong to me, sweetheart. Everyone will know who your owner is, everyone will know what you have let others do to you, what you wanted them to do to you.” Sokka says cruelly, slowly pushing his fingers into Zuko, making him cry out in pleasure, moving so slowly that he wants to beg Sokka to fuck him, needing to feel this. “You sound so good, pet. You sound so good.” Sokka says, moving his fingers deeper into him. He hears his name being yelled louder, another set of invisible hands touching him, claiming him. Marking him.

His mind is taken from that as he feels Sokka move into him, lifting Zuko’s hips so he can look at his face. He moans louder, having trouble breathing. “S-sokka, stop! Sok-” He cries before he is broken off by a particularly loud moan. He feels Sokka moving inside of him, too hard, too fast, it hurts too much and he just starts crying, pain overwhelming him. “This is what you deserve, this is how you make up for what you’ve done. You let your own father fuck you, you let 12 people fuck you every day, you’ll let anyone fuck you. This is what you are, this is what you’re good for” Sokka growns, gripping Zuko’s hips so hard he’s sure they’ll bruise as he forces himself deeper into him. All Zuko can do is cry, he can’t get enough air in his lungs to beg or to scream, he can just cry almost silently, gasping for breath. He feels like he can’t take a second more of life when he feels himself doused in water.

Zuko sits bolt upright, breathing heavily, sobbing with each breath. He is fully clothed, sitting in the hospital bed, trembling terribly. He sees Azula standing next to him, putting down an empty bucket, he sees Katara on his other side, touching his arm gently, looking at him with horror. He takes Katara’s hand, reaching for Azula’s and he feels her taking it as he breaks down in another wave of pain, crying and shaking uncontrollably. He can’t stop seeing Sokka standing over his broken and bleeding body, begging for mercy, begging for rest. Sokka laughing at him, pressing fire to his skin, forcing him to his knees, mocking his moans of pleasure. Ozai was trying to take Sokka from him, too, even in death.

Zuko lets out a pained howl, having trouble breathing, seeing, hearing. He feels comforting hands try and touch him, but he shakes them off, he just wants to hold their hands to his chest, knowing that they are there. He can’t feel hands running along his body right now. He feels so angry that those men are still taking things from him even after he is home, after they are dead. He isn’t safe. They can still touch him. They can still hurt him. They can still take from him. 

He simultaneously feels like father has taken someone he used to love from him and like he was cheating on his father with Sokka. That was how his father held him, his father looked him in the eyes, using his mouth as much as his hands to touch him, keeping him on his back and holding his hips up. Sokka had fucked him like his father had. He can’t stop crying. Can’t stop shaking. 

He doesn’t know how long he goes on like that until he pulls on the women’s hands, wanting them to come closer. Azula doesn’t hesitate to sit in the bed, pulling Zuko into a hug. “You’re safe, no one is going to hurt you, I’ve got you, I’ll fucking incinerate anyone who comes within a five foot radius of you you don’t want to, I’ll protect you, I love you.” Azula whispers in Zuko’s ear, rocking him gently. 

Zuko takes several gasping breaths, forcing himself to calm down a little more, pressing himself closer to Azula. His cries have finally died down to whimpers. “Did Sokka do something to you?” Katara asks, looking horrified. “Did he touch you in a way you didn’t want? I don’t care if it was malicious or him just being a colossal idiot, you need to tell me.” Zuko swallows, looking away from her. He had obviously been begging for Sokka to stop out loud. How many people fucking have rape dreams about someone they’re supposed to love in frount of their fucking sibling? Zuko feels humiliated, dirty, unworthy. Part of him wishes they had never found him, that he would have died in that place, that he could still feel father pressing into him, drawing out cries of pleasure pleasure, not feeling guilty about them. He wouldn’t have to be here with a fraction of his memories having a rape dream about his apparent boyfriend that made him feel like he was cheating on his dead fucking father who abducted and raped him. His father who tortured and raped him. His father who allowed others to do whatever they pleased with him. His father whose death he still mourned after all of this. His father whose love and affection he still craved. His father who he wanted inside of him.

“Turtle duck.” Katara says, looking at him desperately. “Did Sokka do something to you?” Zuko flinches, breaking back down into sobs. His father, the men, they had taken that too. They had tarnished the name that Sokka called him so lovingly. He could hear Sokka’s voice, calling him that while he was chained upright in the frame, weeping from exhaustion, shaking with pain, praying for death. He could hear Sokka’s voice call him turtle duck, fire lily, all of the stupid fucking names he kept calling him that were endearing less than 24 hours ago were now cruel and mocking. He could hear Sokka’s voice calling him that while he was on his hands and knees, legs chained apart, over exerted, overstimulated, in so much pain, feeling the disgusting necklace hanging from his neck and bouncing against his chest as he’s fucked mercilessly, mocked for every noise as hands grab his body, forcing him to feel pleasure.

“Turtle duck, i ne-”

“Pl-please just l-let ‘Zula h-h-hold m-me!” He sobs, not being able to speak right now, feeling every little bit of progress he has made towards recovery crumble, crushing him under its weight. 

Zuko hates how much he wants father right now. He doesn’t care for what, he wants father. He needs father. He doesn’t know why but he knows he needs him. Father is the one one who would be able to sooth him right now. Father is the only one who could take Zuko in his arms and make him believe that he was going to be okay, that father was going to make everything okay, there wasn’t a promise father had made to him that he hadn’t kept. Father was cruel, but he was predictable, he was comforting, Zuko needed him like he needed air. He needed father to degrade him, to tell him his worth, to be honest with him about what he was. He needed father to hold the pieces he had created together in his strong, unforgiving arms. “N-need fa-father.” He whimpers, not meaning to. He knows father is dead, he knows father didn’t love him, he knows father isn’t coming back. A space in the back of Zuko’s mind makes him feel otherwise. It isn’t quite a voice, it gives him more of a feeling than words. That space tells him that father loved him, that he needs father, that Azula was cruel and evil for getting father killed, that he was betraying father by letting her hold him, letting Iroh love him, letting Sokka fuck him even in his dreams. 

“Zuko, I thought we were past this.” He hears Azula say calmly, kissing his head. “You know he was awful and he’s de-” 

“I kn-know, b-bitch!” He screams, not meaning to call her that. He knew that's what he had called her when he found out father was dead, when he hated her. “I-I’m sorry.” He whimpers. Burying his face in her shoulder. “I-I’m sssorry. I-I do-don’t kn-know why th-this is ha-happening. I-I ha-hate him...I-I lo-love him. I need him. N-now. I-I need fa-father.” he cries as Azula pulls him closer. “You don’t need to know, you don’t need to know.” She says, rocking him back and forth in her arms, calming him.

“You reacted badly to your pet name.” She says finally, always being perceptive, Zuko nods in affirmation. “Is it because of the dream you had about Sokka?” She asks, rubbing his back. Zuko nods again. “Did Sokka do something to you in real life? I don’t care if he wasn’t listening to you, or just being a dumbass and not thinking, or if it was an accident. Katara and I just need to know, I won’t hurt him...unless it was malicious then I will murder him, but I doubt it was. Did he do something?” She repeats. Zuko shakes his head no. “Are you sure?” She asks for clarification. Zuko nods, thankful she wasn’t forcing him to talk. 

“What do you need?” He hears Katara ask. “Fa-father.” Zuko whimpers before he can stop himself. “Besides that, what do you need?” Zuko shrugs. He did know what he needed besides father and he knew no one would like it. He needed this to stop, he needed this to end and he really didn’t care how right now. There was only one method that he knew how to end all of this. That method would allow him to be with father if there was an afterlife, it would allow him to be at peace where no one could ever hurt him again if not.

He digs his fingernails into his arm, trying to take his mind off of that, scratching hard enough that he can smell blood. Zuko feels two sets of hands holding his arms still, two voices softly comforting him as he cries. “I-I ca-can’t do th-this!” Zuko sobs, burying his face in Azula’s chest. “Pl-please end th-this for me, ‘Zula, please. I-I can’t ta-take anymore! I-I need to be s-safe!” He sounds more hysterical with every phrase he says, he knows he does, be he’s absolutely terrified. He can’t feel this afraid of everyone all the time, he can’t simultaneously loath and crave father. He can't.

“Hey, hey, you need to calm down. I’m not killing you.” Azula says, holding him tightly. “Wh-why not you se-selfish bitch?!” He can feel her body tense against him but he doesn’t stop. “Y-you killed fa-father didn’t you?!” He screams at her. No one had told him, but he knew it in his bones Azula had, he knew it, everyone else seemed to as well. “Didn’t you?!” He tries again when he doesn't get an answer. “A-and do-don’t fucking lie t-to me! I-I’ll st-stop at nothing to kill m-myself i-if you do!.” 

“I killed father when I found out what he had done to you.” Azula says in a thick voice, she was crying. “He was evil and was never going to stop hurting people if left alive.” She finishes sadly. Zuko can feel her moving to kiss his head and he shoves her away. He immediately misses her warmth, he never wants her to hold him again, he wants to curl up and cry in her embrace and to apologize for everything, he wants to die. 

“Th-then whats the di-difference-in killing me? I-I’m now a son fa-father is pr-proud of, th-this is how he wa-wants me, k-keeping me a-alive allows him to continue h-hurting me a-and allows him to h-hurt others through me. I-I’m his v-vessel. K-keeping me alive le-lets him live on. Fu-fuckimg end me i-if you r-really killed h-him to pr-protect me y-you bitch!” He shrieks, clawing at his own throat as if he could rip it out, could rip the feeling of the necklace off of his neck. 

He hears Katara screaming for someone, feels his body being forced onto the bed, spreads out, feels his body begin to be strapped down the entire time screaming and thrashing. Screaming for vengeance for father, begging for death so father could never extend past the reaches of death again. He screams threats and curses as he feels liquid forced into his mouth which is covered by a hand so he can’t spit it back in their face. He is forced to swallow, feeling his body descend into darkness, and his mind into madness. 

As soon as Azula has Zuko strapped down and knocked out, Katara storms out of the hospital wing and into Sokka’s room. “Get the fuck up, motherfucker!” She yells loudly, pulling the thin blanket off of him, supremely pissed. She doubted that Sokka had done anything to intentionally hurt Zuko but he had gone to see him against her wishes. It broke her to know exactly what Zuko was dreaming about despite not saying anything to her. It hurt even more to watch him wake up, absolutely terrified before going into a suicidal rage. She was so angry at Ozai, at Sokka, at Zuko, at herself, at the world. 

“What the fuck Katara?” Sokka grumbles, rubbing his eyes, pouting. “What did you do to Zuko.” She growls, grabbing his ear and pulling his face towards her. “Ow, Katara, stop that. Wait what?”

“What. Did. You. Do. To. Zuko?” She practically hisses, annunciating each word with a slight pull at Sokka’s ear. He smacks her hand away. “Yeah, sorry, I went to see him. I had to see him Katara, what is something happened to Aang a-”

“He was having a nightmare and it was very clear from what he was screaming and from...other sounds that he was having a nightmare about you assaulting him. We had to dump water on him to wake him up, he woke up terrified and started screaming that he wanted Ozai, begging Azula to kill him and that if she didn’t he was going to kill her and then himself. What did you do to him? I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt him in any way but you’re a stupid piece of shit sometimes and I need to know what the fuck you did!” It was only when Sokka looked at her in stunned silence that she realized that she was trembling with rage, hot, angry tears rolling down her cheeks. Zuko was broken. Ozai had warped Sokka’s love for him in Zuko’s shattered mind. 

“I-I don’t know!” Sokka sobs, covering his mouth as he begins to cry. “I-I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what I did. I d-didn’t even touch him, I swear.” He says, having trouble getting through all of his words. 

Katara looks at him silently for a long moment. “Tell me what happened, start to finish. Tell me now. We had to sedate him, it gets less effective each time and due to weight we have to give him child’s dosage. I want to be back when he starts waking up in case he hurts himself. I also want to look at his legs while he’s down so we can get him walking again. He hates it more than anyone else does helping him to the bathroom and get clean and stuff and, you know, not the point...I’m sorry Sokka...I didn’t mean to scream at you, I didn’t mean to hurt you...I just...I would rather see him chasing us again than like this.” She says sadly, sitting on the bed. “I-It would be easier to bring him back from there, he just needed to see what his father was doing to the world and some affection but this...I don’t know what to do to help him. I don’t know if I can.” She says quietly, burying her face in her hands, crying.

“I wish Ozai was still alive...there is so much I want to do to him.” Sokka grows as he embraces her. “He was too dangerous to be left alive but fuck I want to hurt him.”

The siblings sit like that for a long moment, holding each other, crying, wishing they could do anything to help Zuko. Sokka eventually pulls away. “I went in, well I knocked first and went in slowly when Iroh said I could. I sat down next to Zuko’s bed, I didn’t look him in the eyes and I didn’t make any sudden movements. I brought him a turtle-duck from the pond in the courtyard and some of those disgusting caramels he loves so much.” Sokka says almost wistfully.

“Those fucking disgusting caramels with hot pepper flakes in them and you pretend not to like?” Katara asks, smiling a little, needing a distraction. “Yes those and I don’t like them.” He says defensively. “He eats them and then you two get all mouthy, you bitch about it like you do with everything, and you let him continue if not initiate it.” Katara says, laughing a little. Sokka grumbles for a bit before his face falls as he remembers how they got on that topic and resumes.

“I knew I was freaking him out a little and when I asked if he wanted me to leave he said no. I told him that I trusted him and Iroh completely and that if it made him feel safer Iroh could tie my hands to the bed so that I couldn’t touch him. I had Iroh do that for me and he calmed down for a bit. He asked me to tell him a story about me and him so I told him about when him, Suki, and I first got together. Right near the end he started shutting down and crying a little and Iroh had me leave because he said Zuko was getting overwhelmed so I left. I told him I loved him before I left. I didn’t touch him, I didn’t try to touch him. I said he could touch me if he wanted because I trusted him not to hurt me and to stop doing something if I asked. He touched my face for a little and then stopped. My hands were bound when he did that. That was it, Katara, I swear.”

Katara bites her lip sighing. “I believe you Sokka, but you can’t see him until Azula or I say otherwise. You’re not the one that has to suffer the consequences like he does and you’re not the one who has to see him like that. I know you want to see him, but you can’t.” Katara says plainly. “Katara, please, what if like Azula holds me while I talk to him, she could destroy me if she wanted to.” Sokka says desperately, giving her a pleading look. “Sokka, I’m not trying to be an asshole. I’m trying to do what’s best for Zuko. He can’t see you right now. He’s scared of you. He won’t let us call him turtle duck after what happened tonight.” She says, wiping her eyes, not sure what else she was going to be forced to watch stripped out of Zuko’s grip, leaving him with less of himself and less to lean on. 

“Katara...give him this for me then.” Sokka says, pulling Zuko’s betrothal necklace out from under his pillow. The look in Sokka’s eyes and the fact he slept with it hurts her as she shakes her head. “Sokka-”

“Katara, please, I ne-”

“Sokka, listen to me!” She snaps. “You have to keep in mind that for almost four months he was tortured horrifically, physically, psychologically, and sexually by a group of 13 men. He doesn’t have a firm grasp on who he was before that, his clearest memories are of the worst four months of his life, those are the memories that a lot of his personality is built on. He knows that you two were close, he might logically know that you’re safe and that you love him, but he is functioning on pure instinct and fear right now. He’s terrified of everything and everyone. Despite the fact you have never hurt him, what he knows about you is that you were a previous sexual partner and you could very easily physically overpower him in his current state, I’m not saying that you would, I’m saying that you could. You can’t treat him like a scared version of Zuko right now. You need to know that he is a victim of trama, sexual assault, torture, forced drug use, and Tui knows what else. He isn’t himself. He doesn’t know what he wants or what he needs right now. Please just listen to me Sokka.” She pleads. 

She watches her brother practically crumple as he nods, putting the necklace around his own neck now. “I-I’m going back to bed, goodnight.” She hears him say. “Sokka I-”

“Goodnight.” He says forcefully, on the verge of tears. Katara nods, walking back to the hospital room with Zuko in it. She sees Azula hunched over a table, writing something. “What are you doing?” She asks. “Contacting my psychiatrist, asking for her specifically. She knows how Ozai was as a parent and knows how to deal with patients with unpredictable bursts of violence and uncontrolled anger from working with me. I think she would be good for Zuko. I really don’t care if he wants to do this or not, he is, he needs real fucking help Katara. We can’t wait any longer for him to be less scared. I-I shouldn’t have waited, I should have contacted her the second that he asked without being facetious in the slightest if I fucking owned him. I’m such a fucking idiot.” She says quietly, tying the letter closed, putting it in the pouch on the messenger hawk that was on the open window sill. 

“You aren’t an idiot, Azula. It’s not your fault. No one knew it was going to be this bad.” Katara says, resting a hand on Azula’s shoulder. “You’ve been doing so much to help him no matter what it does to you. I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t helped us. We probably would have been able to rescue him still, but once we got him home I don’t think he would have found comfort in anyone for days. You took on a lot of responsibility when he came home, said a lot of things that we could all see hurt you just to make him feel a little safer. He needs you Azula. I don’t think I could have been doing this alone. I know we have a rocky past, but I need you too, Azula.” 

Azula turns around, wrapping her arms around Katara. “Thank you, Katara. I’m sorry for trying to kill you.” She says, laughing a little at the absurdity of the situation. “As a girl, growing up in the Southern Water Tribe during the 100 years war, if someone told me as an adult I would be hugging the fire princess, taking care of the Fire Lord who is engaged to my idiot brother, and I’m dating the Avatar all while in the Fire Nation palace I would go find my dad and ask him if he thought there may be any drugs in the water. But here we are.” Katata says, laughing a little through her tears. 

“Speaking of your brother, did he do anything to Zuko or…? Azula asks, pulling away. Katara shakes her head. “He told me what happened, and nothing should have triggered Zuko like that at least not specifically. Closest thing to it it Sokka let Zuko touch his face...Sokka had his hands tied to the bed or something to make Zuko feel safer while he was doing this so he couldn’t have grabbed Zuko. He told Zuko about the first time he, Sokka, and Suki all started dating, which if i remember correctly I had the misfortune of finding out about that by seeing them all kissing in the garden thinking they were being discrete. Spoiler, they weren’t.” 

Azula sighs, sitting next to Zuko. “I’m sorry, brother.” She whispers, kissing Zuko’s forehead gently. “F-father?” Zuko mumbles, turning his head a little, eyes still closed. “Father are you h-here? I-I’m ready to b-be a loyal s-son. T-to be good. Pl-please g-give m-me a ch-chance...I’ll be so g-good for you.” He whimpers. Azula just burst into tears, holding Zuko’s hand, apologizing. 

Katara looks out the window, silently praying to any spirit that would listen that she would give her life for Zuko’s health. That she would take his place. She means it. If any option arises, she will bring Zuko back. She will help mend her brother’s, Suki’s, and Azula’s hearts, no matter what it costs her.


	19. Chapter 19

Toph is building interesting feeling rock sculptures in the palace gardens. When she visited Sparky here she would always do this (much to the dismay of the gardeners). Zuko had vouched for her and said that anything she did would be put back into place before she left and that the gardeners didn’t need to work where she was bending. Toph had done that but would follow Zuko around the palace, making the ground snag at his flowy clothes. It cracked her up and Zuko knew it was her but had no proof and looked like an idiot when he confronted her. She would laugh at him and make a big scene about how the esteemed Fire Lord was ‘accusing a cripple of abusing him’ and ‘being a little bitch’. She could sense his embarrassment. She would give up acting like Zuko’s annoying little sister and be a sweet one that was never rude to him, no matter how much glee it brought her even as an adult, for him to be okay again.

She wanted to see Sparky. She really did, but it devastated her. He had always been scared, but he was absolutely terrified now. She could tell that his heart was beating so fast that it hurt him, she could feel how the breaths he took were never enough, she could feel his joints scrape against each other as he moved, still in so much pain from being stretched out like that for so long. She could feel when his heart stopped beating for too long and his blood went cold for a moment, knowing for a fire bender it was like sending needles into his veins. She could feel him trembling, she could feel how horrible he felt when he broke down, she could feel how much he genuinely wanted Ozai to come back for him. She could feel how much he hated himself. She could feel how he wanted to die.

Toph couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t seen him in a few days no matter how badly she wanted to. She couldn’t bring herself to. She tried to multiple times. She would stand outside of his door, feeling his pain radiating through the floor, so intense she thought it was her own. She couldn’t. She couldn’t imagine how bad it was for Sparky who never got a break.

She feels Azula approach long before she speaks, but doesn’t acknowledge her until she does. “Toph?” She asks after a long moment of standing behind her. “Whats up, Azula? Come to teach me how to write more curse words?” She asks, trying to lighten both of their moods. Azula was worse off than Toph. 

“Katara is currently examining and trying to heal Zuko’s legs, so he’s not alone.” Azula says awkwardly, Toph had assumed Azula wouldn’t leave her traumatized brother alone but it was good to know. “I have some news I need to break to him. We had to tie him down, he was getting violent, trying to hurt himself and threatening suicide very agressivly. I need to know what his emotional state is when I tell him I’ve sent word to my therapist from the hospital I was at.” Azula says quietly, almost guiltily, as she looks at the ground. Toph says nothing, just turns around to face Azula. “Her name is Iyasu, she really helped me and I think she can help Zuko. She already knows how our father was for working with me for so long and she knows how to deal with people with unpredictable violent outbursts who have a lot of their personalities based around manipulation and pleasing a man who can’t be pleased. I heard back from her two hours ago, she’s coming...will you come with me to talk to Zuko?” She asks, biting her lip.

“Yes.” Toph says. “And please, don’t feel guilty, Sparky needs serious help. Going behind his back to get him a therapist who can help him is what he needs. He isn’t in the mindset to be making choices on his own. You’re doing the right thing.” Toph says, assuming that is where Azula’s guilt is coming from. “Thanks Toph it’s just...I should have also contacted her sooner. The moment he asked if I owned him was when I should have contacted her. He should already be getting help and he isn’t because of me.”

Toph is silent for a moment, comforting people was never her strong suite. She was more the kind who beat up the person who hurt the offended party, not the one who helped the injured. “We can only press forward.” She settles on, sure it sounds cheesy as shit, but Azula does seem to relax a little so...yay?

“Thank you, Toph. I know how much it hurts you to be able to feel everything, bu-”

“He needs to be okay, he needs help, he needs every advantage we have. I’m willing to give up a lot if it means Sparky gets to be okay.” Toph interjects. She hears Azula exhale. “Thank you.” She says genuinely.

“Azula...is it fucked up that when I’m angry at what’s been done to Zuko the memory of the feel of Ozai’s last heartbeat and the smell of his burning flesh calms me down?” Toph asks, biting her lip. She had been wondering that for a while. 

She knew that Aang would look at her in absolute horror if she said anything to him. She knew that Sokka would completely break down at the mention of Ozai or it would just send him into a homicidal rage at a dead man, justifiably so, but still. Katara was violent when necessary, but didn’t relish in it, she definitely didn’t think about people she watched die to comfort herself. Suki would be a good option to ask, but Suki was hiding her emotions right now, Suki was letting Sokka break, making sure she was strong for him. Suki knew what she needed right now, and Toph wasn’t going to hurt her. She wasn’t close enough with Ty Lee or Mai to ask them that. She doubted Hakoda would approve, he was a warrior but he wasn’t malicious, she didn’t want to disappoint the man she thought of as her dad. She knew Bato wouldn’t react well to it, he was like her irresponsible uncle who knew how to have fun and annoy Hakoda who would refuse to admit he found them funny. She didn’t know Kya well, and she knew Kya didn’t like Sparky and therefore Toph didn’t like Kya. She knew that Kya was coming around to her friend and that she had legitimate reasons to dislike him, but she was angry at anyone who didn’t automatically love Zuko right now. Iroh was like her other uncle but who she was really close with and went to for advice, she couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him. 

That left Azula. Toph really liked Azula, but she hadn’t been able to talk to her alone in a long time. Azula was always with Katara and Zuko or just Zuko. She definitely couldn’t say anything about this in front of Zuko, it would send him into another episode. Zuko wanted Ozai, he really did, he actually needed that sick man. It broke her to think about. 

“Yes.” Azula says plainly, Toph looks at the ground, not sure what to say. “But it’s understandable. It’s fucked up, but I do it too. I need to remind myself that he is dead, remind myself that where I gave him too quick of a death, his last seven minutes of existence were in agony.” Azula finished, nothing in her voice. Toph can tell she is being honest, she isn’t trying to make Toph not feel like a shitty person. Azula is happy that Ozai suffered and reminds herself how he did. “Thank you.” Toph says plainly as they begin the walk back to the palace. 

Zuko stares up at the ceiling, tears still rolling down his cheeks, lips and chin covered in blood from biting his lip too much, trying to distract himself from Katara’s hands moving along his bound legs, especially when they got high in his inner thigh. She had said she needed to look at them to assess muscle damage. He had told her to go fuck herself. 

He was almost grateful that father had muzzled him. Of course anything coming near his mouth that he didn’t know exactly what it was sent him into a panic. It made the sedatives so much worse. He was always panicking when they sedated him and when they administered it got so much worse before he lost consciousness. Because he got so scared of anything coming near his mouth, Katara and Azula couldn’t think of a single way to stop him from biting his lip. The pain calmed him a little. Helped him feel like father might be pleased with him. Helped him focus on the pain rather than anything else. Helped him think about a time when all that mattered was the moment. All that came before was pain with small relief of fathers love, and that's all the future held for him as well. Now it was all just...confusing. Everything overwhelmed him. There were so many things to fail at and so many people to disappoint. 

Zuko lets out a small, terrified whimper as her hands move too close to his groin again. “I’m sorry, I swear I would never touch you like that, but I need to look at the damage.” She says softly. Zuko can hear the pain in her voice. She doesn’t like scaring him, it doesn't change the fact that she won’t stop. “Katara?” He says softly, voice shaking. “Yes?” She replies. They had no idea what to call him, his own name made the space in the back of his head cry out, telling him that father would be disappointed. That he was betraying father. The pet names they had started calling him were now tarnished by Sokka’s voice saying them as he moved mercilessly inside of him. So they just didn’t call him anything. 

“You see the rag right there next to the bucket of water?” He asks. “Yeah...do you want it?” She asks, confused. “It would be so easy for you to soak the rag and cover my mouth and nose. I can’t fight you. This could all be over. You could rest, I would be safe, father couldn’t touch the world anymore and I could be with him again.” Zuko says on the edge of desperation. Katara just looks at him in horror. “Please, Katara. You’re a healer. You’re supposed to help people. Help me. Kill me. You’ll be ending my suffering. Please.” He whispers, more tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Katara shakes her head, moving back to her work. “Why are you and Azula so unwilling to do what needs to be done? You say you hate father, but you're keeping his claws in the world through me. You say you love me but you’re forcing me to suffer. It’s my life, I should get to choose when it ends. You’re keeping me alive for you, not for me. You’re forcing me to live in pain and fear. You’re forcing me to experience being raped in my sleep by people who are supposed to be kind. You’re just as bad as the men, you’re just as bad as father,” Zuko growls, sneering a little when he hears Katara start crying. “You know it's true. You know you're torturing me. You know you’re doing this for you, yo-”

“Zuko, stop!” Katara snaps, causing Zuko to flinch before smiling a little again. “Fucking do it you bitch. Fucking kill me. It wouldn’t be hard.”

“Zuko, you’re being irrational and horrible and y-”

“I’m the one being fucking horrible!?” Zuko screams, struggling in his bonds, hoping he can at least get Katara to drug him again. He had overheard her and Azula saying that they would need to wait at least another 18 hours or they would risk killing him. That had been about three hours ago, he had time. Better yet, he would make her angry enough and she would just kill him. “You’re the one fucking binding me to a bed in a position almost identical to the one I was fucking whipped in and telling me you’re helping! You’re the one forcing fucking drugs down my throat after I recovered from withdrawl from drugs that stole my memories and makes me want the man who tortured and raped me! You’re the one feeling up my fucking leg! You’re the one forcing me to live! You’re protecting the woman who killed father! You helped take me away from father! You fucking bitch! You’re a fucking bitch! Fucking kill yourself! You ever want a moment's rest you’re going to fucking kill me! I know how fucked up it is that I want my own father to fuck me, but here the fuck I am, daydreaming about him coming back to torture and rape me because he’s the only sense of consistancy in my life and you took him from me!” Zuko hears himself, knowing he sounds completely insane in not only what he’s saying but in his voice, growing completely hysterical. “You think you can fucking help me?! I’m a fucking vanity project for you you selfish, egotistical bitch! You fucki-” 

Zuko is cut off when he feels a hand come hard across his face. He flinches violently but forces himself to compose himself, he knows that the second Katara comes back to her senses and her emotions fade he’ll have lost his opportunity. She’ll probably leave the room so she can’t hear him anymore. Remaining composed was easier than he thought, he’s being punished for his words and actions. He is used to this. He knows how to deal with it. It gives him consistency. It gives him rules. He needs to make her angrier, he needs to get her to destroy him, he needs to get her to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze the life out of him. He needs her to kill him. He can feel the anger rolling off of her right now. This is good. “Shut the fuck up!” She screams, flexing her fingers in anger as if getting ready to strike. 

“Fuck you! You can just watch someone suffer in front of you and not do what needs to be done to help them!? You know what you need to do! Stop being a fucking coward! Stop fucking hurting me! Stop being selfish! Stop being one of the people bringing nothing but pain and terror into my life! Sto-” He is cut off again, but this time by the wet rag shoved into his mouth, gagging him. 

Zuko’s anger immediately fades and turns into unadulterated terror. He starts struggling wildly in his bonds, he can’t breath, he can’t see, he can feel everything. Fire eating into his skin, men fucking him violently, knives tearing at his skin, a muzzle in his mouth while being told that all he has to do to end this is say stop. Hearing voices with face concern followed by laughter ask him if he wants to rest, treating his inability to speak as a no. He feels metal pressed into the roof of his mouth, blood running down his throat. He feels metal clamping down his tongue, feeling his tongue swell around it. Feeling father’s cock take up the remaining space in swollen mouth, fucking his mouth when Zuko couldn’t suck. 

He tries screaming, the gag stopping him, he tries pulling against the bonds, but they’re too wide to dig into his skin, they are too strong and he is too weak to pull out of them. He can’t stop crying, he doesn't know how he has the breath, his lungs are burning from lack of oxygen. 

He hears screaming around him, he isn’t sure what is being said, but he feels the gag pulled out of his mouth and it’s Zuko screaming. He doesn't stop. He can’t. “Fuck you!” He screams, vaguely aware that Azula is back and she’s with someone else he recognizes but can’t place. He doesn't care, she isn’t even moving to help him, he hates her too. “Fucking kill me you bitches! Fucking end me! Save me! You’ll be helping me! You’re not just like father or the men, you’re worse! Fucking kill me and then yourselves! At least stop saying you’re trying to help me! Father! Father help me! I’ll fucking kill you Azula! You fucking killed father and one of us is going to need to die for that! The rest of you fucking took me from him, you fucking let him die! I want you dead! You fucking deserve it! If you wanna protect yourselves fucking kill me! I won’t be you’re fucking problem anymore! You’ll have helped me for real then! You’ll have protected me! You’ll have let me see father again. You’ll… you’ll…” Zuko breaks down in hysterical sobs, unable to continue, wishing he were dead, wishing he were safe, wishing he were in father’s arms where he knew what to expect. Where he knew the price of everything. Where he knew when and how to expect to pay it. Where his life was controlled. “Fa-father!” he cries, heart aching for him no matter how much terror father filled him with. “Father! Pl-please! I-I need you, father please!” He sobs before running out of breath, going back to crying quietly, going back to feeling scared and empty, craving for father to fill him, needing him too. He looks back up at the ceiling, not caring what the others are saying even though he knows they’re talking about him.

Azula still stares at Katara in shock (despite the fact Katara now has her hand clasped over her mouth is horror, crying) that she had fucking gagged Zuko. Katara knew as well as she did how scared of being muzzled Zuko was. How little he was willing to open his mouth when they were holding something other than food. Even then it was still reluctant.

“Katara,” Toph starts, breaking the silence. “You’re stressed and letting your emotions take over. Go train, take a hot bath, mess around with Aang, sleep, anything that will help. Don’t argue with me, you aren’t in a good mindset right now and you can’t help Zuko like that. You know what you just did to him.” She says evenly. Toph had really become a peacemaker recently. She usually liked to watch the world burn...but only when no one was trapped in the fire. Zuko was right now. She had let so much of her personality drop. She really did care about Zuko, not that Azula doubted she cared, but she didn’t realize how much. 

Katara opens her mouth to say something but thinks better of it, leaving the room. “What the fuck happened to Sparky?” Toph asks, horrified. Azula closes her eyes, centering herself. “Sokka came to visit yesterday, Sokka did nothing wrong, I asked Iroh, he was a perfect gentleman, but that night Zuko was having a nightmare that Sokka was raping him. We can’t use Sokka’s nicknames for him anymore. He freaked the fuck out and started threatening to kill me and then himself if I didn’t kill him and how not killing him was allowing Ozai to live on and hurt peopel, mostly Zuko, and then started screaming that he wanted him.” Toph doesn’t respond, she just looks at her broken friend, laying on the bed, bound to the bed, deliriously crying, occasionally begging for Ozai. 

She watches Toph walk over the Zuko, putting one hand on his forehead, one hand on his chest, holding it there silently for a long moment. Azula watches as Zuko’s breathing slows and his cries stop. After about five minutes, she hears Zuko speak cohesively. “Toph...you’re here.” He says softly, giving her a small smile. Azula looks at them in confusion. “Toph, what did you do? How did you do that?” She asks, hoping Toph might be able to do it again.

Toph shrugs, Azula sees tears rolling down her cheeks. She knew being in the same room as Zuko hurt Toph, it must be worse to touch him. “I couldn’t stand to feel him suffering so much...I’m not quite sure how I knew what to do, I just sent soft vibrations through his body...i didn’t know I could do that.” She says, no smile. Normally Toph would be parading around the room about inventing something else. She just looks guilty for not having known she could do it sooner. “So you really did invent bone bending, but didn’t break my legs?” Zuko says, giving her a small smile.

“Sparky! You’re back!” She says cheerfully, working on the straps binding Zuko down. “Hey, Toph we still need to te-”

“Suck on this, Azula.” Toph replies, flipping her off before she can finish. Azula didn’t want to let Zuko up before telling him about the therapist. She knew that the process of strapping him down freaked him out far more than being strapped down. It involved people putting their weight on him and forcing his body into positions he didn’t want to be in. It broke her heart every time she did it, but she watches, relieved as Toph lets Zuko up, jumping on the bed and gently wrapping her arms around him. “I love you, Sparky.” She hears her say. Zuko doesn’t reply but hugs Toph back. 

“What did you need to tell me?” Zuko asks, looking at her and cocking his head as if he hadn’t just been screaming at Katara and Azula to kill him. “I contacted my therapist. She wrote back. She’ll be here in three days, she’ll be staying here indefinitely. You need real help, help that none of us can give you. I don’t care if you don’t want it, you need a psychiatrist.” She says, looking at Zuko, who looks at his hands. “You can’t make me talk to her.” He says after a long moment. “I know I can’t, but she can watch how you react to things, she might be able t-”

“Get out.” Zuko growls, holding Toph closer to him. Azula looks at him in shock. “I-”

“Get. The. Fuck. Out. You. Bitch.” Zuko says, her growling turning to crying as he buries his face in Toph’s shoulder. Azula sighs, letting tears roll down her cheeks as she walks towards the door. “I know you didn’t like me doing this without telling you, but it’s for your own good, I want to help you.” Azula says, as she opens the door, looking at him.

“Father said he was helping me too.” He retorts, not looking up. Azula spends the next several hours finding paintings of her father and burning them in the training grounds, screaming in a way she wishes she could make him scream, wishing she could hurt him, wishing he could continue dying for eternity, wishing she could force him to take Zuko’s place. Wishing she had left him alive. Wishing he could burn, too.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a mental health professional nor a psychology student and so I am sure there is plenty of inaccuracy. if anyone wants to throw anything at me that you want to be more accurate and is a little longer I have instagram under the same name.  
> Also, i'm sorry this took a little longer to upload than normal, I was helping some friends move for a good part of the day.

Iyasu steps out of the carriage, arriving a little over a day before she had been expected. She had sent word through a messenger hawk but was sure that the palace only got a little bit of notice considering the hospital wasn’t too far away and she had made good time. She knew that it was urgent, Azula hadn’t given her many details, but she knew that Fire Lord Zuko was a victim of severe trauma from almost four months of continuous torture in multiple forms. She didn’t know what to expect, but she knew it was bad.

She begins to look around the pavilion, not sure if she should enter the royal palace uninvited (despite the fact this would be the second member of the royal family she would be giving therapy to) when she feels someone pull her into a tight hug. 

“Iyasu, thank you so much for coming, especially with such short notice.” She rears Azula say, she sounds terrible, she looks worse. Not in the same way she did when they first met, when she was angry and suffering from years of manipulation and abuse from her father. When she couldn’t see anything wrong with herself and wanted to please a man who just wanted to use her for his own gain. Now, she looks completely exhausted. She looks like she has been crying, screaming, not fully taking care of herself. She looks drained, emotionally and physically. She likely is.

“I know that look you’re giving me...you’re worried about me, and I know that I haven’t been prioritizing my mental and physical well being as I should be right now...but Zuko...he really isn’t okay, he needs me right now. I’m not just saying that as some sort of savior complex, I’m saying that I am one of four people who he will usually let touch him when he’s in a good mood or wants comfort without completely breaking down. I’m one of the four people that needs to be with him, he needs one of us at all times.” She says quickly and softly. “H-he needs help.” She says, her voice beginning to break, tears forming in her eyes.

“Would you like to go somewhere more private? You can talk to me there? Say what you need to without disturbance?” Iyasu asks, gently touching Azula’s hand. She nods in response, immediately leading her into the palace and through multiple hallways, she was already lost with all of the turns they were making when they finally made their way into a bedroom. Iyasu can immediately tell that was Azula’s childhood bedroom and she is now staying here again. It’s set up for a fourteen year old girl, a deranged war mongering fourteen year old girl, but still, with things that a 22 year old woman would use strewn about, looking as if was grabbed and placed back down in a rush. She didn’t spend much time here. She slept and kept her stuff here, she spent the rest of her time with her brother, she might even stay with him at night.  
Azula sits on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest, crying a little. “Talk to me, Azula. What's happening. Specifically to you. How is this affecting you right now, I’ll have time to hear about Zuko later.” She says, considering for a moment before joining Azula on the bed, sitting across from her. She had known Azula for seven years, breaking professionalism in an unprofessional situation isn’t the end of the world. Azula needs comfort above anything else right now. 

“It’s so hard to see him like this, a little over four months ago he was visiting me, awkwardly talking about the fact that he was in a happy relationship, telling me about plans he had for the Fire Nation, telling me about turtle ducks and flowers and now...he goes between being very sweet and timid, but like in a bad way, being scared, being sad, and worst of all going into this absolute rage. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking to watch. He starts insulting me, like screaming himself hoarse with insults, he tells me that I should kill myself, that I should kill him, that he’s going to kill himself...and then the worst is when he wants Ozai...I killed him when we rescued Zuko. The only thing I regret is that he can’t suffer anymore, and I know that I shouldn’t focus so much energy on wishing I could punish a dead man...but seeing Zuko like that every day it breaks me. Zuko will be screaming for Ozai to help him, apologizing for failing him, begging him for forgiveness. He gets violent during these episodes, he’s very weak right now so he can’t do much damage, but he knows I killed Ozai. If I am in the room, which I usually am, he will target most of his anger towards me because it’s when he wants Ozai the most, I think. He’s tried to grab at my throat before, tried to claw at my eyes, pull my hair out, kick me, whatever he can do to hurt me. If he can’t get to me he’ll try someone else or himself. We’ve had to strap him down to the bed multiple times and that’s the worst. I feel disgusting and I know how badly I’m scaring him when I’m doing this. I’m physically overpowering him and forcing him into a vulnerable and exposed position and I feel so awful and he’s so scared and I don’t...I don’t know what to do, Iyasu.” Azula says quietly, tears now rolling down her cheeks in torrents. 

Iyasu takes Azula’s hand in her own, pain welling in her heart. She knew how much Zuko’s visits meant to Azula, how happy she was that she had been fixing her relationship with her brother. That she had family who loved her and who she loved. Who wanted to be around her for who she was and not what she could do for them. She now had to watch this relationship be weaponized by her father, the life long abuser of the two royals she had and would work with. “Azula, you do know what's happening isn’t your fault right? I know it can feel that way, but it isn’t. You’ve just been trying to help your brother recover in any way that you have been able to. This is Ozai’s fault, and whoever broke him out, kidnapped Zuko, and tortured him. If you are none of those people, you are not at fault. Secondly, your mental health is important as well. You can’t help Zuko if you begin to backslide into old habits. You said you were one of four people who could touch him, I think that if you can, you should try and expand that number, if not, start a rotation. You shouldn’t be with him every day for elongated periods of time. Visitation is different from caregiving. If you’re constantly caring for him in his current emotional state, he is going to heal with an unhealthy, codependent relationship with you and your mental health will suffer.” She says sadly. “Please don’t argue with me, think about it, talk about it with the others, the same is true for them.”

She is grateful when she sees Azula nod solemnly. “Should I tell you about what happened to Zuko? At least what I know? He doesn’t like talking about it, it can send him into panics and if you can hear the general stuff from me it might be easier on him.” Iyasu nods reluctantly, not wanting to hear about the horrors the young Fire Lord had faced. 

As Azula tells the story, she can feel her heart beating too fast and too hard, finding it hard to swallow, tears rolling down her cheeks. Each thing is somehow worse than the last. The position that he was chained in and why he was so scared of being strapped down and why he couldn’t walk. The muzzle and how it fit in his mouth and why he wouldn’t let people come anywhere near his mouth most of the time. What was done to him to make a firebending master who was the Fire Lord of the Fire Nation afraid of Fire. How he was raped by 12 men who forced him to ‘enjoy it’ and mocked him for it. How he was raped by his own father and was manipulated into believing it was love. How his Ozai was the only one who ever comforted Zuko, the only one who took him out of his chains to let him sleep on the ground, the only person who fed him while he was constantly starving and it appeared he was unable to keep most of his food down. How he was drugged and forced to forget who he was. How he was manipulated into believing he was an object that could be owned making it so he couldn’t be called by his own name.

This was going to take years.

“One more thing.” Azula says, Iyasu can’t imagine anything else that has happened to this poor man, but she needs to know. “I know you like to be alone with the person you’re talking to, but Zuko needs to be around one of the four people he trusts, he’ll freak out if he's in a room alone with someone he doesn’t. Those four people are myself, Toph, you may be aware of the inventor of metal bending who helped the Avatar, Katara, the youngest waterbending master that there is, and Iroh who is acting as Fire Lord right now. One of us has to be with him at least for now. He’s been warming up to Suki, one of his bodyguards and leader of the Kyoshi warriors, so she should be a fifth soon. Hopefully he’ll allow you to be one of them as well.” Azula says quietly.

That wasn’t as bad as what she was expecting. Iyasu didn’t know what she was, but she knew that it wasn’t as bad. Azula had already told her so many horrible things that had happened to Zuko, and she was just preparing herself for the worst. “Azula, after I see Zuko for the first time, I would like to speak to everyone who sees him regularly about not spending so much time around him. I know what you’re doing comes from a place of love, but the road to damnation in layed with good intentions. You’re going to destroy yourselves if you spend all day every day with him. I can’t stop you, but I’m warning you with my professional opinion. Please take your own mental health into consideration. You can’t help him or yourselves if you break too.” Azula doesn’t say anything for a long time. “We can gather in the Fire Lord’s office after dinner, I’ll inform Toph, Iroh and Katara of this.” Iyasu nods, giving Azula a small smile. 

“I’ll show you to him.” She says after a long pause. Iyasu stands, terrified of what she was going to find left of the man who would look in wonder at the flowers his sister would create from fire for him. The man who would regularly visit his sister, spend time with her, always bring her something despite her busy schedule. The man who just wanted to heal his nation, his family, and his heart. The man who was broken by his father’s lust for power. 

Zuko is sitting cross legged on the bed, looking dead ahead. He had been informed less than an hour ago that the psychiatrist was coming today and would be speaking to him soon. Iyasu was her name. She was the woman who was going to try and take the last bits of what father had given him. She was going to save him from father’s claws that still dug deep into his mind. She was going to force him to relieve everything he had suffered, everything he endured. She was going to help him escape his torment. He doesn’t know what to think about this, he just knows he’s scared. He wants help, he wants this to end, but if she can’t help him, then this is just who he is, he’ll know this is who he’ll be for the rest of his life. He’ll have failed. Hell will disappoint everyone around him, and father will forever remind him how he was weak and a failure of a son for trying to run away from his father but still be unable to even in death. 

Once he heard the news, he refused to let anyone touch him, Katara wanted to work on his legs more, he told her that if she did it wasn’t hard to force himself into panic and insanity and was near impossible for him to force himself out of it. It got her to fuck off, it allowed him to think, try to meditate. He wasn’t able to clear his head, wasn’t able to relax. Meditation used to be so easy, he would do it without thinking. When he was sitting down with no one around, he would go into a meditative state, clearing his mind, calming his body, controlling his inner flame. He couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t clear his thoughts, couldn’t relax his body, and couldn’t even feel his inner fire. He had been out of touch with Agni for too long. His inner fire had been doused and he was too scared of it to stoke it again. He was too scared of fire to live how he was supposed to. He was too scared of fire to be a fucking fire bender. He really was a disgrace. 

He hears the door open and turns his head. Azula walks in followed by a woman he had never seen before, she must be Iyasu. He glares at her but flinches at the sight of an unknown, knowing he immediately lost any form of intimidation. “Katara, me, you, Iroh, and Toph need to meet in the Fire Lord’s office tonight after dinner. Iyasu needs to talk to us, if you see either of them can you let them know? I’ll stay with Zuko for his session if you want to leave.” Katara nods, Zuko was proud that he had exhausted her today. Zuko likes Katara the most, she wasn’t vicious, she wouldn’t beat him continuously, she was more one powerful action, she was the most likely to piss off enough to kill him in one foul swoop. She wouldn’t storm off if he hurt her enough, she would deal with him directly. 

“My name is Iyasu, I’ve been informed you don’t want to go by your name right now, what would you like me to call you?” Iyasu asks, moving towards him too fast, he flinches, hating how pathetic he must look. Hating how everyone knows they could take him down easily. Hating how he is so vulnerable to any form of violation. Death would be better. Once he composes himself a little and shifts to the far corner of the bed where she can’t reach him without standing, he shoots her a glare.

Azula walks around, joining him on the bed, but still giving him some space. “She won’t hurt you, I promise. She’s safe, she’s kind. If she were to ever try anything, I outmatch her. You’re safe.” Zuko refuses to even acknowledge her, feeling angry tears rolling down his cheeks, wrapping his arms around himself. He was still mad that Azula hadn’t even asked him if he wanted to see someone, he was angry that he had no control over anything in his life, he was angry that he had become some project for people to work on. 

Father was cruel, but father was honest, father gave him structure. Zuko knew when father or the men were going to beat him, to rape him, to punish him. They were explicit with what he was. They told him that he had no say in what happened, that he was father’s property and he was allowing the men to use him how they pleased, that he was being trained for their own benefit. With Azula, they all acted like he had a choice, like he was a person, like they would protect him and make him feel safe. Then they would tie him down, drug him, force a therapist on him, force him to be alive, have taken father from him and hurt him with that fact, not caring. Punishments were erratic and unpredictable when he would receive them for his actions. He didn’t know what they wanted from him in the long run, he didn’t know if they knew. He just knew that he couldn’t trust them...but sometimes he did...he didn’t know why his mind changed so easily several times throughout the day...it just did. He just knew that they weren’t honest with him. Not like father was. 

“I’ve been told that you have some very severe mood swings throughout the day, is there anything that triggers them specifically you think? Anything you can guess, even if you have no control over them?” Zuko flips her off, still glaring. She doesn’t react. “I know that you have very mixed feelings about Ozai, your father. I’ve been told you go between fearing him and screaming for him, can you tell me why you have such mixed feelings about him, or at least tell me what your feelings for both of those states are?” He hears her ask, he bites his lip, but pain shoots through his body, wincing, his lip is more just raw flesh, he’s refused to let Katara get near his face after she gagged him. He could talk about father to someone who wouldn’t immediately shoot father’s name down. 

“Would you like to talk about your father?” He hears her ask after a long pause. Zuko thinks, nodding tentatively. “What would you like to tell me about him, anything at all, it can be the good, the bad, or a mix of both. Would you like that.” Zuko nods again, pursing his marred lips gently for a moment. “The good.” He says quietly. “Do you mind if I take a few notes while you're talking?” She asks, showing him a piece of charcoal wrapped in paper and taking out a pad of paper. “You may.” He says, looking at his hands. “You may begin whenever you like.”

Zuko is silent for a long time. “I-I understood him, he was honest, he was predictable. I need that. I miss that. Even if it was cruel. Even if I didn’t want what he was doing or letting others do to me. He never lied. He always would tell me when and how he was disappointed in me. He told me that I was property and treated me that way. He told me he needed me to be a better son so I could serve him, and he trained me to be that. I need him. He’s consistent. He’s safe. I need him back. I-I can’t live without him, I don’t want to. I want him now, I’ve needed him for so long. Azula fucking killed him and still claims she can help me, because unlike father, she is a lying bitch.” Zuko says flatly, not look hum, smirking a little when he feels Azula flinch. 

“When you would visit the hospital to see Azula, you two were getting very close. I also know she and Katara are you primary caregivers at the moment. You let Azula be around you and touch you, you are less scared of her than most other people. You let her be around you but you easily express contempt for her, you don’t appear to be frightened of her. Do you know why that is?” Zuko shakes his head, he had asked himself the same thing multiple times. “I go between needing and wanting her more than I want father and wishing she were dead more than myself. I don’t know why, I want to pick one consistently...I can’t.” He says, pressing his hands to his head, feeling the new growth of his hair mildly prickly in his palms. “I don’t know!” He says louder, anger and shame filling him. “You don’t have to know, I’m here to help you feel more consistent towards yourself, your father, Azula, everything. To do that you have to be willing to talk to me. Talk about what hurts.You don’t have to force into anything too fast, you can do it at your pace. I can’t force you to talk, I can’t force you to heal. But if you want to feel consistent, you have to work with me. It won’t be a short process, it will take a long time. Do you understand me?” She asks. Zuko nods once. 

“Good. Will you tell me more about your father?” She asks, looking at him intently, but not expectantly. Zuko thinks, for a moment, sure he wanted to talk, but not sure when he would want to stop. “Is there a consequence for stopping when I want to even if you would like for me to continue?” He settles on asking finally. Iyasu shakes her head. “No, you may start and stop whenever you like. I may ask you to continue, but I won’t force you to do so on any occasion. You may tell me or indicate that you don’t want to continue. Understand?” Zuko tentatively nods, drawing his knees to his chest. He wants to feel father again, feel him in his voice, have someone else hear what he has done and not destroy him the moment he steps out of Zuko’s body as has been done so many times before. He wants him to live in words if he can’t in flesh. Zuko takes a deep breath and begins, wanting to keep the cruel father who he depended on alive at least in his words.

He talks about how father held him, rubbing his back, running his hands through his hair, whispering to him in a soft voice. Zuko told her about how most of the time father’s words were cruel and demeaning, how those words broke his heart, how they motivated him to be better, to please his father, to stop the daggers from his tongue from piercing Zuko’s heart. He told her that occasionally, father gave him praise. He told her how father praised him when he made love to him instead of degrading him like the men did when they fucked him. He praised Zuko when he followed almost impossible instructions or when he had been pushed too close to the point of death and father would praise him as he brought Zuko back to health. Zuko told her that no matter what father said to him, it was honest. It was real. That there were a few times where father told him that he could almost love Zuko, that he just needed to be pushed a little bit further, be a little bit more loyal. Zuko told her about how father was the only one who ever fed him, that everyone else let him starve, let him become skin and bones. Father kept him alive. Father found a way to let Zuko eat even when he didn’t deserve food. He made it so Zuko could be fed and loved despite his shortcomings. Father jumped through hoops to make Zuko be able to live. Zuko told her how much he missed father, how much he needed him, how much it hurt every day to remember that he was gone and that Zuko was the closest thing to a living memory of his father’s compassion and tenacity. How much it hurt when Zuko wanted that part of himself gone, how much it hurt him to hold onto it.

He looks up for the first time since he began talking to look at Iyasu. Her eyes are flitting between the paper, Zuko and Azula. Hey cheeks are wet with tears. Zuko doesn’t understand what's upsetting her so much, he was telling her the good things about father, how he wanted him, how he needed him. It wasn’t anything bad...he sometimes understood things better when he was enraged...this mindset wasn’t as good. They all had their drawbacks, he could never connect them properly. He also hadn’t tried too hard, he was sure it would make his life even more difficult and unbearable than it was already. 

“I-I think that’s a good stopping place for today...do you think so?” Iyasu asks, looking at Zuko, eyes full of concern. Zuko nods. “Would you be okay if I stepped outside with Azula for a moment? We’ll be in front of the door, no one will be able to come in without our knowledge. You’ll only be alone for a minute. I promise.” She says evenly. 

Zuko bites his lip gently, ignoring the pain. As angry as he was at Azula, she was safe. She was safer than a lot of other people out there. Even though she said she didn’t own Zuko, she acted like it and she didn’t let anyone she didn’t watch touch her property without explicit permission. Zuko among that. He didn’t know how he felt about Iyasu, she was still an unknown. She was still dangerous. She could still easily hurt him, However, she had seemed to be honest so far. She seemed to care more about the truth than softening the blow of her words. She wasn’t anything like father, significantly less callous...but she did have an edge, however dull it may be. She would likely keep her word, this isn’t the kind of thing she would break Zuko’s trust over. If she wanted him to trust her and then hurt him, she was going to do it later and with something she could gain. Not this. Zuko nods and the two leave the room.

Zuko feels his heart break when he watches Azula leave. He wants to run to the door and fling it open, apologizing to Azula for everything he has said to her, everything he has done. Tell her that he loves her and beg for her forgiveness. But he can’t walk, he can barely even stand anymore. He’s so fucking weak and pathetic. Zuko wants to scream for them to come back, to beg for them to help him, to not leave him. It’s the first time he’s been alone in almost two weeks. It reminds him of the hours spent alone in chains, weeping from exhaustion, body begging for rest that only father could give it. But his voice is stuck in his throat, he can’t talk, let alone scream. 

Zuko settles on burying his face in his knees, crying quietly, silently begging for Azula to come back, to hug him, to kiss his head, to tell him it's okay. He wants to bury his head in her neck and beg for forgiveness. Beg her to never leave him alone again. He can’t stop crying. He can’t breathe properly. His body feels too hot, he has too little control over it. He wants to be safe. He needs to be safe.

He hears a voice say something he can’t understand before a pair of arms wrap around him, pulling him close. He lifts his head, refamiliarizing himself with her familiar scent, her warmth, her touch. “I-I’m sorry.” He cries quietly, burying his face in the crook of Azula’s neck as she pulls him closer into a more comfortable position. “I’m s-sorry for everything I said and did...I-I love you. I’m so sorry, please, I’m sorry.” He continues whimpering as he feels her rubbing his back. “It’s okay, it’s okay. Please, it’s okay. I know you’re going through a lot.” Zuko nods, gripping the back of her robes in his hands tightly, not wanting to let go of her. Not wanting her to leave again. Not wanting to be alone. “I’ll ask someone to bring you two dinner, okay?” He hears Iyasu say from across the room, not aware she was still there until that moment. “Thank you.” He hears Azula reply as he buries himself deeper into her warm safe arms, apologizing for everything he had said, telling her how much he loves her, not understanding why he was so angry at her so much of the time. She loved him, she protected him. He wanted to be safe, he wanted to be better. He didn’t care how that happened. Azula deserved a brother who didn’t degrade her. Everyone around him deserved someone who wasn’t broken. For the billionth time, he wishes father had tossed him from the palace walls as he cries into Azula’s shoulder.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zuko's healing process can go in a lot of different directions as of now. If y'all want me to focus on a particular aspect of it please let me know (like his sessions with Iyasu, his relationship with his friends or specifically Suki and Sokka as he recovers, him learning to trust the men in his life, physically becoming more himself again, or any of the many other things) just let me know, I don't have a strong preference with what I focus on.

Katara is sitting next to Toph in silence, waiting for Iyasu. She had said that she was going to meet them after dinner, tell them about her first impressions on Zuko’s mental health and had something else she wanted to speak to them about. She couldn’t think of anything to talk about in this situation, so she doesn’t say anything. Neither does Toph, which isn’t surprising. Iroh is sitting further away from the two women, drinking a cup of tea with none of his usual gusto.

Iyasu walks into the room, an aura of professionalism around her, yet she seemed very approachable. She sits down in one of the empty chairs in the room, looking at them silently. “Azula won’t be joining us, I realized that if she did Zuko would be left unattended and he seemed to barely be able to handle the few minutes that no one was in the room with him and Azula was right outside the door. I have already spoken to her but will do so again if deemed necessary from the conversation that we have here tonight.”

No one says anything. All eyes just focused on Iyasu intently. “I’m very worried about him. He has very strong emotions right now with very little control over them. What I saw today was mostly contempt and cruelty, mostly focused on Azula and a fair amount towards me. Azula had mentioned that he also does tend to act very meek, compassionate, and affectionate but in a bad way, and I saw a little bit of that near the end. He has severe separation anxiety to the point of complete emotional codependency on at least Azula but likely all four of you, needing at least one of you in the room with him at all times.”

“We have noticed that much...the mood swings and codependency. I feel I should also mention that I am the only man who can touch him or get near him without him freaking out.” Iroh says sadly, not looking up from his tea. “Thank you, Iroh.” Iyasu says, writing something down on her paper.

“The main reason why I wanted to talk to you is the amount of time you all are spending with him. It is incredibly unhealthy for all of you and in the long run for Zuko.” Katara bites her lip, looking down. Part of her knows that Iyasu is right but another is angry, wanting to yell at her and tell her that she hadn’t seen how Zuko clung to them in desperation when his head was clear, how relieved he was when he woke up next to Azula, how safe and small he looked when he finally let Iroh hold him in his arms, how torn apart every fiber in his body was and how Katara could feel every single one, how Toph could speak to him in a way no one else could despite the pain it caused her. But she doesn’t say anything, too exhausted and drained from her day with Zuko. 

“Azula had mentioned he has become closer with a woman by the name of Suki. I think it is important he be comfortable being left alone with her. You need to begin some form of rotation in spending time with him. All of you spending as much time as you are with him will destroy you and reinforce his codependency on you when he heals. He does need to heal with a support system and a group of friends who love him, but not with an emotional crutch. That is what is going to happen if you continue this. I think that when you are visiting him on whatever form of rotation you have, you shouldn’t spend the entire time in the bed with him or holding him. I think that you should do that to an extent, but bring scrolls, paperwork, or anything else to occupy your time with. He needs you to protect him right now. You can do that if you are in the bed nearest to the door or bring in a table or desk and put it closer to the door than he is. You just work on something, sleep, or anything that isn’t codling him perpetually. I’m not saying you need to ignore him, you can talk to him just not be a constant caregiver the entire time. If he gets into one of his states where he gets uncontrollably angry, watch him to make sure he doesn’t start hurting himself and intervene if he does, but ignore him other than that. He wants a reaction from you. He’s hurting and is lashing out to hurt you to make himself feel better in that state. Responding to him is rewarding that kind of behavior and he opportating on a subconscious level when switching between his moods. Continuing to reward that behavior will likely cause him to shift to that when he’s in pain because he knows it can be soothed in the way he needs. I’m not saying he should ever be angry, he should. From what it sounds like he has almost no control and is completely enraged in this state which he should not be doing.

Continuing to spend all of your time with him is going to harm your mental health as well. He is thriving off of cruelty and anger a lot of the time which I’m sure all of you have been the victims of on multiple occasions. I’m sure in his more compassionate moods you feel guilty for likely reacting negatively to his anger, especially considering how he looks right now. You can tell that he’s been severely damaged just by a glace. It’s going to be hard at first, for all of you, including Zuko. You have to do this. He’ll never heal properly and he will drag you down with him. No matter how much he loves you or did before this, he isn’t himself right now. You need to listen to me. This isn’t optional.”

The room is silent, no one knows what to say. Katara is partially relieved that she now has a genuine reason to not see Zuko as much. She feels terrible for thinking that, but she can’t be around him. He’s being awful so much of the time. He’s cruel and she knows that he is baiting her...but she can’t ignore him. He’s too loud, too angry, too scared. He needs her too much. 

“I was thinking you guys could start with approximately six hour shifts.” Iyasu says, pulling her from her thoughts. “From that you could decide if you want to make them longer or shorter. A side note is that you need to stop sedating him. Strapping him down if he gets too violent with the help of any healers nearby is okay, let him wear himself out in a way he can to minimal damage. He’s been drugged too much in his life, I think it will be bad for him psychologically and physically. He’ll scream himself out and fall asleep when physically restrained. No more sedation, no matter how tempting it may be. Clear?” Iyasu says calmly, they all nod. Katara feels awful. She had been the one who first decided to sedate him and continued too even after discovering that he had been drugged throughout his captivity.

The room is still silent after she speaks, the three of them only nodding, guilt hanging thick in the room. “I have already spoken to Azula about this. The four of you need to discuss shifts. I am sure that Iroh’s will be different considering he is acting Fire Lord at the moment. Hopefully you can get Zuko to trust Suki, that will make it easier on everyone.” Katara vaguely processes the rest of the meeting. She wasn’t sure if she was more relieved, angry, or ashamed. It was all so much and she was drained from so much time spent with Zuko and thinking about him. When it wasn’t Zuko it was Sokka, luckily Bato, mom and dad were helping him through this a lot, but they were also dealing with where mom now fell into their lives now. Suki tried to be there for Sokka as well, but she processed grief differently than Sokka did and it was hard for them to grieve together. 

They decided that they would leave Azula with Zuko for a while longer and then Iroh would spend the night with him, working on some paperwork and then sleep there. Katara was relieved she could sleep in her own bed and not have to see Zuko until tomorrow afternoon. Toph was going to speak to Suki about this and bring her along on her shifts to make Zuko trust her. It was both because Toph could tell Zuko’s emotional state better than anyone else could and she didn’t want to be alone with him with nothing to distract herself. Toph couldn’t read, write, or do anything like that, and she was more in tune with her inner turmoil. Katara couldn’t even imagine how agonizing it was for Toph.

They eventually part ways, Katara going to her room, to sleep and try and clear the thoughts of her friend scared and suffering and most of what she could feel was anger towards him. She hated herself. 

Suki is practicing her fighting stances in a clearing, somewhat hidden by trees. She wasn’t trying to hide what she was doing or from anyone, she just needed a moment of privacy and fresh air. This was it. If anyone ever came for her or any of her friends ever again, she would be there and she would be ready. She would protect them. What happened to Zuko would never happen again. It should have never happened in the first place. 

“You can’t beat yourself up for what happened to Sparky forever.” She hears Toph say from outside of her line of vision. Annoyed at how easily she could sneak up on people and how perceptive she was about their emotional state. “I can and I will.” She retorts coldly, continuing running through her routine.

“I need you to come with me. Sparky needs to have more people he can trust...we’re starting a rotation system with him so no one spends too much time with him, Iyasu will explain everything more in depth to you. It's my turn soon and I offered to bring you with me because I can better gauge his emotions. Will you come? I think it would help him to see you. He trusts you...just not enough to be alone with you yet. Please come.” Toph says quietly. 

Suki knew how hard it was for Toph to be with Zuko given his emotional state. She could feel everything that was wrong with him, everything that hurt him. It must be worse for her to be alone with him with no real distractions for her to focus on. Suki also did want to see Zuko. She missed him no matter how much it ached to see him how he was. She nods solemnly, following Toph to the hospital.

They walk into Zuko’s room. Iroh is laying on the bed, holding Zuko to his chest, gently rubbing his back, humming something softly. Zuko is asleep, hands wrapped tightly around the front of Iroh’s robes. She sees Toph put her hands on her hips, shooting Iroh a glare. “You know you’re not supposed to be sleeping with him anymore.” She says annoyed, but quiet as to not wake Zuko. “I wasn’t, he started having a nightmare about two hours ago. He didn’t get violent, he didn’t fully wake up. He was just scared and was crying. I wasn’t leaving him like that.” Iroh says calmly, not looking at Toph, still gently comforting Zuko’s sleeping form. 

“At least he didn’t get violent this time...hopefully that’s a good sign.” Toph says quietly, looking down. Suki looks at her, deeply concerned. “When did Zuko get violent about a nightmare, no one told me about that?” She says, trying to keep her voice down, annoyed she was finding out this way. Toph bites her lip, not looking up. “We didn’t tell really anyone except everyone who was taking care of him and Sokka...Sokka came to visit him and it went as well as could be expected but then that night he must have had a very vivid dream about Sokka...assaulting him...we can’t use any of Sokka’s nicknames to address him anymore after that.” Toph says quietly. Suki swears she sees a tear roll down her cheek.

Suki looks at Zuko so sadly. Just a few months ago she, Zuko, and Sokka would snuggle together, kissing each other, mostly the two of them kissing Sokka and making fun of him as Sokka grumbled at them, trying to hide the smile on his face. She remembered that despite the fact both of them were more romantically involved with Sokka than each other, when the three of them slept together, they would always insist that Zuko be in the middle. First of all, he was comfortably warm, no matter the temperature. Second of all, they knew he hadn’t been loved a lot of his life and wanted to give him as much as they could now. Thirst of all, and they never said this one to Zuko even though all three of them knew it, Zuko would have nightmares almost every night. He would usually whimper quietly, not make much noise, but it was easier in that position for one of them to pull him a little closer, kiss his cheek, run their fingers through his beautiful hair, tell him that he was safe, that he was okay, that he was loved. 

She and Zuko would go out delivering justice that nobles and such would not approve of the Fire Lord doing, they would make the Fire Nation a better, safer place, legally and illegally. They would sometimes kiss, most mostly just fuck shit up, for the better. They would then go home to Sokka, wake him up at a spiritless hour, dragging him into the bathroom, Zuko would warm the bath, and the three of them would clean up, tell Sokka about what they did, listen to him complain about them waking him up, but share laughs and kisses with them before they would settle back into bed, all feeling warm and loved. 

Now he couldn’t even be with Sokka for an hour without being terrified of what he may do. Suki feels angry tears form in her eyes at what had been done to one of the men that she loved. One of her closest friends. One of the people she could always count on. One of the bravest people she had met, was now reduced to this in only a few months because of how much cruelty he was forced to endure. 

“I have a meeting I need to get to...could you two help me get him off, be gentle, hopefully he’ll continue sleeping.” Iroh says quietly, running his hand over the soft bristles of Zuko’s hair, slowly growing back from where it was shaved. Suki gently begins to remove Zuko’s fingers from Iroh’s clothes, letting him hold onto her wrists. “It’s okay, love. You’re safe, I’ve got you. No one will ever hurt you again.” She whispers as he whimpers a little when they move him off of Iroh and back onto the bed. Toph helps her put Zuko’s head in her lap considering he’s still holding her wrists, seeking warmth and comfort. They didn’t want to start his day off with panic, he was resting and peaceful. He needed as much of both as he could get. He had been severely sleep deprived for so long and his body was healing from a lot of injuries, he needed so much rest which he wasn’t always getting.

“Why wasn’t Iroh supposed to be sleeping with him?” Suki asks Toph when he leaves, knowing that Zuko always did like physical comfort considering it was denied to him and then he denied it to himself from fear for a long time, even about a year into his relationship with Suki and Sokka. It seemed like an odd thing to deny him, especially if he was willing to let people touch him for more extended periods of time.

Toph sits on the other bed looking at her. Facing her considering she can’t see? “Iyasu said to not perpetually be coddling him. She said he would heal with an emotional crutch and not be able to function properly without us. If he gets angry and starts yelling, we’re supposed to ignore him unless he starts trying to hurt himself, then we try to calm him down. If he gets more violent and out of control we strap him down and let him wear himself out. If he’s just resting, sleeping or not we’re supposed to be in the other bed, just spending time with him and making him safe. Touching him is fine sometimes, he just needs to learn to be able to function without us literally holding his hand all of the time.” Toph says sadly.

Suki nods, looking at Zuko’s face, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, his lips no longer soft from biting them so much. “I love you, and I’ll make sure you get through this. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if it's hard for both of us, love.” She says. What Toph was saying made sense, it didn’t mean that she liked it though. 

Suki studies Zuko’s sleeping face for the better part of half an hour when she hears him moan a little, eyes flickering a little. “Hey, love.” She says softly with a small smile. “It’s Suki. Do you remember me? Toph is over there on the other bed. You’re uncle Iroh had an important meeting he had to attend to so we switched places because none of us wanted you to be alone.” She continues, hoping that he isn’t startled. 

She lets out a quiet sigh of relief when he gives her a sleepy smile. “I haven’t seen you in awhile, Suki. I’ve missed you.” He says in his soft, raspy voice. “I’ve missed you too...I am going to start coming more regularly if that’s okay with you.”

“Please.” He says, letting go of her hands and sitting up, looking in her direction. He never seemed to make eye contact with anyone...she didn’t want to push it or know where that habit had been picked up. She knew it would just send her into a homicidal rage. 

“We were in a relationship together along with Sokka, right?” Zuko asks, the question surprises Suki considering it is completely unprompted. She nods despite that. “Yes, we were. If you ever feel comfortable at any point, you’ll be welcome back into it. We’ll wait for you if you want, but we’ll still care for you if you never want that again. We both know that you aren’t in a position to date anyone right now, but I want you to know that we both still love you very much, and we want you to feel safe again.” Zuko looks at the mattress, quiet for a long time. Suki isn’t sure if she had said the right thing. She knew what had happened to Zuko and knew he was in no state to be in a relationship considering the fact he wasn’t even able to care for himself in any manner. She also didn’t want to make him feel abandoned, but didn’t want to make him feel like he was expected to let things just go back to the way they were, no matter how much Suki wanted that. She didn’t know how to navigate this situation.

“You know I cheated on you, right?” He says after a long silence, biting his bleeding lower lip. Suki feels her heart break, glancing at Toph out of the corner of her eye for any advice. She shrugs, not sure what to tell her. Hopefully that meant that he wasn’t particularly emotional right now. 

“Can I hold your hand or touch your face, love? You can say no if you don’t want to be touched, I won’t be upset.” Suki isn’t sure how she should feel when Zuko shakes his head. She wanted to touch him, offer him comfort, but she was glad that he was able to say no to her, and understood that he was able to tell her no with no consequences. 

“I know what happened to you, yes, and so does Sokka. Neither of us are upset at you, we’re upset for you and the men who did that to you. I know that it was a very complex and difficult situation, especially with Ozai...but we aren’t mad. We understand, it doesn’t change how we feel about you. Anything that you tell us more about it won’t change our minds about you. I promise.” Suki says, forcing herself to stay calm. 

She wanted to scream that Zuko had been raped and that his captors, especially his father, were evil, were disgusting, had forced themselves on Zuko and forced his body to find pleasure from it against his will, humiliating him further. She wanted to scream that what Ozai had done wasn’t about love, it wasn’t even about sex, it was about control, manipulation and violence. She wanted to pull Zuko into her arms and kiss his face, tell him that he’s beautiful, kind, and deserves so much more than the world has given him. She wants to cry. But she knows any of that would do nothing but upset Zuko if not send him into a fit of rage. She knew that Zuko was still very emotionally attached to Ozai, sometimes he was still scared of his father, and sometimes he longed for him and would defend that disgusting man’s name till his last breath. Suki didn’t know what he would do now, either way, she knew he would react badly if she got too into it. She knew she would upset him if she were honest about how she felt. Well what she had said about not being angry at Zuko or seeing what had been done to him as cheating and willing to wait for him to be comfortable again to be in a relationship was honest...but her feelings surrounding the matter were not.

“A-are you sure...there were twelve of them and then father...and I still love him, and want him despite everything?” He says softly, not getting particularly emotional, he just sounds vaguely sad. 

Suki feels a tear she can’t stop rolling down her cheek, followed by another, Zuko was really..not okay. She knew it and had seen it before, but it didn’t hurt any less when she saw a new product of Ozai’s cruelty. “I’m sure. I love you. I care about you. You weren’t just a significant other, you’re my friend, that hasn’t changed.” Suki says, hoping it’s the right thing to say. “Thank you, Suki.” He says quietly, lifting his head a little. “Can I ask you something about Sokka?” He says after a long pause, cocking his head to the side that shouldn’t be as cute as it is. “Of course, love.” She says, smiling.

“What’s he like? Like...is he safe? Would he hurt me to get what he wanted?” Zuko asks, wrapping his arms around himself. Suki bites her lip, shaking her head. “Sokka would never hurt you, love. He’s been worried about you and the only reason he hasn’t come to see you is because he knows you’re scared of him, but he’s willing to wait as long as you need him to.” Suki thinks of a way to tell Zuko how compassionate and caring Sokka is, how he only wants to help them. She settles on their vigilante justice returns. 

“The two of us would actually go out fixing what we thought needed to be fixed in the Fire Nation without going through the whole legal processes that you would need to do as Fire Lord. When we got back, we would both be scraped up from fighting or just falling and Sokka would act like every cut you had was life threatening. He spent weeks in the hospital wing learning basic first aid and became pretty good at it. He would yell at us for being stupid, and we’d make fun of him for worrying. He would always be the one who would check us over for injuries, clean and bandage every would and kiss every bruise, no matter how minor. It kind of became a tradition. We would get back in the early hours of the morning when the sun was still down, you would go heat up the bath water, I would wake up Sokka who would loudly complain for at least ten minutes. We’d all get into the bath together, Sokka and I would wash your hair, we liked playing with it. You and I would tell Sokka about what we did, he would complain that we weren’t careful and that we woke him up too early but would listen. When we got out, he would attend to any injuries he found that he deemed needed to be tended to. Then we would all go to bed and sleep until early afternoon, you would be in the middle because you’re comfortably warm and because I got annoyed that Sokka would poke my boob while I was trying to sleep because where he is a genius and incredibly sweet, he’s also an annoying idiot who never matured past the age of 15.” Suki says, smiling at the fond memories she had of those nights.

“But no, he would never hurt you. He loves you very much. He would never do something that he knew actually upset you, he may be an annoying idiot half the time, but he’ll protect you. I promise.” Suki says, hoping she can feel her earnestness. Sokka might be a dumbass sometimes, but he knew how to be a good boyfriend, he knew how to love people, how to make them feel safe. 

“Th-thank you Suki...he was very kind when I saw him...I just had this really awful dream about him and…” He trails off, crying softly. “I know, love. The real Sokka would never touch you like that, he would never do anything to hurt you. I know how upsetting that must have been for you. If he were to even try to touch you in a way you didn’t want, he wouldn’t but if he did, he would have a warrior trained from childhood, two elite fighters, two firebending masters, an airbending master, and a water bending master coming to fucking destroy him, so you have that in your corner, love.” Suki says, smiling at him. 

Zuko lets out a quiet breath that sounds a bit like laughter before sniffing. “Thank you, Suki...can you tell him that I don’t hate him...and he never did anything to me in real life that made me scared of him. I don’t want to hurt him more than I have.” Zuko says softly, fulling his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them. “Of course I will, love. He’ll appreciate it. He really will.”

“Do you know how to play Pai Sho?” Zuko asks eventually, giving her an almost hopeful look. “I do, your uncle taught me to play. When we told him the three of us were dating, he gave us the normal threats of what any protective parental figure would give us about ‘you better not hurt my nephew or you’ll be facing a dragon’s wrath’, but two rules for being allowed to date you were we had to be able to make tea he approved of...which was difficult, you’re uncle is very particular about his tea, and how to play Pai Sho. So yes, I do know how. I think there’s a board outside, i-”

“I’ll go get it!” Toph pipes up, running out of the room. 

“He really loves me, my uncle Iroh, doesn't he?” Zuko says softly, moving back so he is sitting with his legs crossed. “He really does. He loves you so much, he was so worried when you were taken. He would have given anything to have you home safe, all of us would have.” Suki says, smiling at him sadly. ‘Except apparently to give Ozai back his bending.’ A voice says in the back of her head, the voice she had been trying to ignore. 

Toph comes back in, putting the Pai Sho board on the bed between them and Suki immediately begins setting up the pieces. “How long did it take you and Sokka to learn how to brew tea up to uncle’s standards?” Zuko asks as they begin playing. “It probably took us both about two months. Sokka was successful in doing so two attempts before me. The entire time the three of us were still dating, I think that your uncle wanted to make sure that we really wanted to be with you and it wasn’t just some fling. I don’t think he fully understood the concept of three people dating, he wasn’t upset or anything, I think he just wanted to make sure that you weren’t just a third wheel that would be left behind eventually. I think he also wanted two people who knew how to brew tea to his liking who would likely be around when he was visiting you.” Suki says, shooting Zuko a grin as she takes her move.

Zuko slowly reaches his hand across the board, taking her hand in his, bringing it up to his face and gently kissing her knuckles. The blood on his lips has dried, and his lips are rougher than before all of this. She smiles warmly at him, happy that he was able to do that, to be able to show affection to her easily. Not afraid that she was going to demand more from it. 

“Both of you really love me too, don’t you?” Zuko says, holding Suki’s hand in both of his in his lab, giving her a small, shy smile. Suki nods. “So much. Right now we just want you to get better, to feel safe. Please know we still love you.”

“Thank you, Suki.” He says, letting her hand go and they resume. 

They play a few games, talk a little more about Sokka, Suki reassuring him that where Sokka is one of the most intelligent people she has ever met, he’s also the biggest dumbass she had ever met and if he did anything to frighten Zuko after he got back that was why, not because he was doing anything malicious.

Eventually Zuko said he was tired and went to sleep, Suki sat on the other bed with Toph, reading a scroll she had brought with her. They get ready to leave when Katara comes in to take over watching Zuko. “Sparky, would you feel safe with Suki being in here with you alone for an extended period of time, not just long enough for me to grab a Pai Sho board?” Toph asks before they walk out the door. Zuko nods sleepily and Toph gives Katara a thumbs up before they walk out the door, Suki feeling less tense than she had in a long time.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give a fun chapter for now because relatively soon we are probably going to be shifting back to more angst and plot. I don't know when I just know soon. There are very few things that know and most of those things are about frogs and that I love them. I am also trying to figure out what people like more because y'all won't tell me what you want out of this story (if there is anything). But here is a nice chapter where people get to bond.
> 
> also sorry it took me a bit longer to update. I have been needed a lot around the house and helping neighbors move and cut down trees.

Sokka is sitting on the edge of the training grounds, breathing heavily, covered in sweat, touching Zuko’s betrothal necklace absentmindedly and glaring at Bato he was standing next to his dad who are both grinning and laughing like idiots. “You know, I thought it might be nice having two dads even as an adult, but it just ends up like having two older brothers who bully you.” He grumbles, standing up and crossing his arms. “Come off it, Sokka.” He dad says, still grinning. “You’re in your prime, I’m evening the playing ground a little seeing I’m becoming a decrepit old man according to you and your sister.” He replies as Bato shoves him. “They don’t fucking say that, I say that, and it’s true.”

“You’re a seasoned warrior, and having Bato sneak up on me and attack me from behind is cheating and makes you a dickhead.” Sokka grumbles flipping off his dads which make them laugh harder, having far too much fun at his expense. “Don’t flip off your father or call him a dickhead, Sokka.” He hears someone say behind him.

Sokka turns around and sees mom and Katara standing in the corner of the training grounds. “How long have you two been here?” He asks, picking up his sword. “Mom just got here, I’ve been here long enough to watch dad and Bato fucking deck you and listen to you whine about it. He’s a sore loser.” She says, turning to mom, who smiles. “I’m in a family full of heartless traitors. I hate all of you!” He yells, managing to keep a scowl on his face. “Oh if that's the case I’m sure you don’t want to eat dinner with us, I’ll eat your portion.” Dad says, walking over to mom and Katara, gently kissing mom's cheek. It had been weird between the three of them for a bit, but it seemed they were all working something out. That was good. Sokka was happy for them, wishing he could heal his own relationship as easily. 

“Dad, if you even look at my fucking food, i will commit patericide and have one father left, if you touch my food after what you just did to me, Bato, I won’t hesitate. Then I will have no father.” Dad rolls his eyes, walking back towards the palace. “I demand a rematch tomorrow at dawn, I’ll take both of you fair and square.” Sokka shouts. “Now why do you wanna do that?” Bato asks, giving him a small smile. “Because fuck you, that’s why.” Sokka replies, sending his dad into another fit of childish laughter. 

The five of them sit down near the kitchens, eating and talking loudly, only vaguely aware that this was the first meal they had all had as a family together. It’s the first time in a long time that Sokka’s mind hasn’t been plagued with thoughts of Zuko. It’s the first time in a long time he’s eaten his entire meal without feeling guilty or lonely. It’s the first time in a long time that he has genuinely laughed and smiled without the burning of Zuko’s terrified eyes boring into his soul, without the weight of the knowledge of that terrible dream Zuko had about him weighing down on him, dragging him into sorrow even in moments of joy. It’s the first time Sokka has felt genuinely happy since Zuko was taken.

Sokka is fully engaged with arguing over what is deemed fair and it doesn’t matter that they’ve all been snuck up on in a literal war. He sees Katara and mom talking about something that seems more serious but still light hearted, gazing over at the three men every so often with a look of amused exhaustion. “I’m going to head out, I’ll see you guys later.” Mom says, standing up, hugging Sokka and Katara and kissing dad and Bato. Sokka didn’t know that that was how the three of them had decided to work things out, by Katara’s expression, she didn’t either. “Fuck off, kids.” Dad says to them in response to their looks, going back to eating his food.

“What, why didn’t you tell us you guys were like...a thing.” Katara asks, smiling at them. “Do you kids really want to know about your parents' love lives? Because I would assume not.” Sokka snorts a little, grabbing something off of dad’s plate while he was distracted. “Give me back my food you piece of shit!” Dad says, practically lunging across the table at Sokka, not caring that people are openly staring at them, grabbing Sokka’s wrists and trying to pull it back towards him as Sokka justs moves forwards, shoving it in his mouth, almost choking while doing so from laughing and eating too fast. “That's what you fucking get.” His dad says, pouting like a child while tears roll down Bato and Katara’s cheeks, wheezing from laughter, ignoring Sokka choking. He can breathe fine, just shows how much thet care about his life. He gives them a half hearted glare. 

“So is this a dinner where we all laugh at Sokka?” Someone says behind him. “Su-uki!” Sokka says excitedly, still trying to clear his throat a little. Suki sits down next to him, kissing the corner of his mouth, grinning. She seems happier than she has been in awhile, calmer, more focused. “That’s any dinner that we’re at, it’s just easier tonight because Sokka is literally just a younger, less respectable version of dad and them together makes for trouble, and Bato is ready to join in on whatever bullshit dad wants to do, no matter how childish.” Katara says, wiping her eyes. 

“Hey, I am as respectable than dad, if not more so.” Sokka days defensively. “Well then why do I only have respect for one of you? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not you.” Katara says, finishing eating what's on her plate. “Suki, Bato, back me up here, Katara’s just saying that because she’s my sister and is obligated to say that. Sibling code.” Sokka says desperately, seeing Katara sticking her tongue out at him. “I donno, Sokka, I have a hell of a lot more respect for Hakoda than for you. I did follow him into battle.” Bato says, resting his head on his dad's shoulder.

It was kinda cute, as much as he could think that about his dad and unofficial step dad, and as if to prove Katara’s point he starts talking without thinking. “Well you’re fucking my dad so your opinion doesn’t count! Wait, fuck.” Sokka says embarrassed, hearing Suki smack her forehead with her hand as the table bursts out into humiliated but genuine laughter. “You wanted to bring Suki into this, doesn’t that invalidate her opinion for you?” Katara asks, still laughing. “Well I think that is the queue for us to all part ways and go to bed, secrets from family are bad, but privacy is good.” Dad says, standing up, taking Bato’s hand as they leave. 

“Well I hope you two get to…I’ll go.” Katara says, still grinning at the two before getting up and leaving. Suki takes Sokka’s hand in hers, kissing him gently before pulling him away from the table behind her, leading him back to the room that they had been staying in, marked with very little of their personalities. Sleeping in a room they didn’t share with Zuko was temporary, this was a way of showing that to themselves. It wasn’t long term. For the first time in a long time they enter without thinking about how empty they feel without Zuko and are able to love each other in a way they haven’t since Zuko was taken, finally not filled with guilt and sorrow at all point in their lives, finally able to begin finding space in their world that was filled with love and hope. 

Iroh comes into Zuko’s room, embracing Azula as she stands to leave. “Take care, Azula, please get some rest.” He says, worried about her falling apart from everything she had been doing for Zuko. “I will, uncle.” She says, hugging him back. 

She pulls away, grabbing her things, heading towards the door. “I love you, brother.” She says to Zuko. “I love you too, Azula.” He replies, smiling at her from his position on the bed, waving a little as she leaves. Iroh walks towards the other bed, putting his stuff down, getting ready to lay down. Due to the fact he had a full time job as the sitting Fire Lord, he was given the night shift so he could sleep while taking care of Zuko and not need to be pulled away from other necessary duties. 

“Uncle?” He hears Zuko say softly before he can lay down. “What do you need, nephew?” He asks, smiling at him warmly. He seemed to be improving, but he also seemed to be improving for a few days after waking up the first morning, and again after finishing withdrawal from whatever he was drugged with, both times he relapsed quickly. He wasn’t going to give himself too much false hope for the long term. 

“I know Iyasu said that you weren’t supposed to be as physically affectionate with me for extended periods of time anymore for my long term health. I only sleep well every other night, and those are the nights I get dreams...nightmares usually. This will be the first night I might dream since I saw Suki...will you sleep with me? I-I don’t want to have another nightmare about her like I did with Sokka, I-It was horrible. I want to be able to trust her again.” Zuko says, looking down, ashamed. 

“Of course, nephew.” Iroh says, pain welling in his chest as he sits down next to Zuko, pulling him close to him. “Thank you, uncle, I love you.” Zuko says softly, resting his head against Iroh’s chest as he lays down, Iroh softly humming and rubbing his precious nephew’s back as he feels him relax against him, quickly falling into an easy sleep. 

Zuko was going to be okay. He was strong and resilient, he had people around him who were smart, innovative and loved him fiercely. He had the time and resources to heal. Iroh gently runs his free hand over the soft bristles of Zuko’s hair growing back, hoping Zuko wouldn’t shave it a second time. It was less about it looking nicer long and more about Zuko feeling safe enough to begin growing it out. Iroh didn’t know much but he knew Zuko’s hair was pulled at the time, forcing his head in painful directions, controlling him, and worst of all it was set on fire. Iroh’s heart hurts for Zuko, not understanding how someone could take his sensitive, caring nephew who was finally learning how to trust and break him so cruelly. So mercilessly. “I will always protect you, Zuko.” Iroh whispers as he drifts off to sleep, Zuko wrapped in his arms, tucked away from the world in safety. 

Azula is sitting on her bed, knees tucked up and a scroll resting against them, trying to focus reading a story about trees coming to life and dancing in the moonlight. It was meant for someone younger than her, but she just wanted something light and easy to read that had happy relationships and a happy ending with no villains or real issues in it at all. Trying to distract herself with a world she wished she lived in when she hears a quiet knock at the door.

“Come in.” She says, not thinking too much of it, but is surprised and mildly confused when she sees Kya, Sokka and Katara’s mother, walk into her room. Kya hadn’t tried to hide the fact that she didn’t like Zuko or herself. She assumed that Kya would hate Azula significantly more than her brother if it weren’t for the fact that Zuko had been engaged to Sokka. She could tell very easily that Kya hated the idea that Sokka was dating Zuko. It may also be just the fact that Azula has always been particularly good at reading people, which would explain why Sokka would tell his mom all about Zuko and how much she would love it, not knowing that she didn’t like him already. 

At first Azula had assumed that it was homophobia which was very quickly dispelled. Kya had made it clear, and was honest about it, that she was very happy that Hakoda an Bato were dating. It was a strange concept to Azula that same sex relatinships were not shunned (even if not particularly liked) in the Earth Kingdom, and then accepted in the Water Tribe considering she came from the Fire Nation where homosexuality was crimilnalized. Azula herself had always knows that she wasn’t fully heterosexual, but never thought too much about it. She had never had the time to have a relationship that wasn’t political before, and now she wasn’t mentally stable enough to be in a serious relationship, Iyasu had said so, and Azula agreed. Have a more stable relationship with herself and friends first, then think about having a romantic relationship and who she was attracted to. 

The next thing she had thought was that Kya just hated people from the Fire Nation, and she would have very good reason to, but that wasn’t the case either. She had mentioned the boys who were supposed to be guarding her on multiple occasions and it was always with affection. She had cared about them very much to the point that she considered them her family. It was clear she wasn’t just saying that so Bato, Hakoda, and then kids wouldn’t feel guilty about not finding her, she really did love the boys. She missed them even. She had even tried to look for them to an extent while staying at the palace, but to no luck. She had also befriended a lot of the servants in the palace, helping them out pretty regularly while socializing. Something Azula had found strange but it allowed for the work to be done and for Kya to have more social interactions that she had been denied for years.

Azula then thought that Kya didn’t like the fact that Sokka was dating someone from a different nation, maybe because the Southern Water Tribe had been damaged so much that she thought it was important to keep as much of his life to the water tribe as possible. That wasn’t true either, it took her a little to warm up to Aang, but it was more in a protective mother way, not in a distrust and dislike of Aang way.

She had more recently realized that Kya didn’t like Iroh either, no matter how much time she had spent with him and the fact that nothing seemed to go wrong, she just didn’t like him. She wasn’t a big fan of Mai either and began to dislike Ty Lee when she had found out she was a Fire Nation noble. She was never rude to any of them, she was respectful and her shift in adittude was likely unnoticed to everyone except for Azula and likely Toph. She became more wary and less forethgoing around them. It became abundantly clear that Kya hated Fire Nation nobles. Could Azula really blame her? Not really. They had taken her from her home and destroyed her village. They had threatened her daughter’s life for the crime of being born. Kya had every reason to hate them. Azula would too in her position, it wasn’t as if Kya had been there for the ending of the war and the family turning on Ozai and his crulty. She had been in isolation for a long time at that point and would continue to be for years later.

“Can I help you?” Azula asks eventually when it became clear that Kya wasn’t going to start the conversation as she sits up straight and puts her scroll on her bedside table. “I came here to apologize to you. I know you’re more perceptive than most others, and I came to apologize to treating you coldly, especially with everything that you’re going through right now.” She says, looking at Azula who is honestly shocked with this development.

“At one point you were a different person, and you come from a family of people who have hurt me and my family, but I’ve watched how you interact with my children, their friends, my husband...husbands? Its an odd situation, but that isn’t the point. My point is the entire time that I have known you, you have given me no reason do dislike you are treat you like you are the people who took me from my my home. I’m sorry.” Kya says sincerely.

“I understand. You can sit down if you want.” Azula says, gesturing to the area on the bed next to her as she turns, moving her legs off the side of the bed so she is sitting on the bed more like a couch. “I would likely hate Fire Nation nobility, especailly royalty, in your position as well. It took team Avatar, Hakoda, and Bato awhile to warm up to a lot of the Fire Nation, they are doing so well because they have had eight years after the end of the war, you’ve had about four months, a lot of the time beforehand spent in isolation. I don’t expect you to warm up to me overnight. Despite your valid reservations, thank you for helping Zuko when he was going through withdrawal. We were all really worried, we didn’t know what was wrong or even that he had been drugged in the first place. It can’t be easy going from thinking we’re still at war to being thrust into the Fire Nation royal place, being somewhat of an advisor for the heath of the ruling Fire Lord.” Azula says, smiling a little as Kya sits next to her. 

“Thank you, for understanding, Azula. I also mostly wanted to apologize now because I have a semblance of an idea of how your relationship with your own mother was, I would assume it had a lot to do with the fact your father was using you for his own gain, pushing her away in the processes, but I was worried that you would think that as a mother myself, there was something more inherent about my dislike to you rather than political and historical. I wanted you to know that isn’t the case, you actually remaind me a lot of Katara in the time that I have known you.” Kya says, giving her a small smile.

That thought had entered Azula’s mind, but she had shoved it to the side every time it tried to enter. That hadn’t been something she had the mental capasity to process as of now. “Thank you, Kya...I really needed to hear that.” She says softly, hugging the water tribe woman who hesetently hugs her back, but continues holding her in her arms, giving no indication of desire to let go.


	23. Chapter 23

“Zuko, I know that you don’t want to do this, but you have to sooner or later and the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be.” Zuko hears Katara say gently, touching his arm, he flinches a little when she does. Katara and Azula had been insisting that Zuko learn how to walk again. Zuko desperately wanted to be able to take care of himself again, not have to be helped everywhere he went. Standing would be incredibly painful and would just bring back all of the bad memories of being forced to stand for days at a time, unable to find rest even when weeping from exhaustion and begging for sleep that he was granted so rarely. He hadn’t said anything about it hurting to stand, he had just said he didn’t want to and pulled away when either of the women tried to touch him. There were also other reasons he didn’t want to stand...he wasn’t sure what they were though, he just knew he had them. 

He had heard them talking about the possibility of having someone make him a wheelchair to get around in if he was able to work up a little more strength in his arms. They said he should still really learn how to walk again. After insisting for a while, Zuko had just pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his knees. He couldn’t bring himself to talk, to move, to cry, or do much of anything. Iyasu said that he had been shutting down to feel safe, and it was better than his usual defense mechanism of lashing out to feel in control and less hurt. He still needed to face his issues though, he just didn’t know how. He wanted this to be over. He wished that he could go back in time and kill father while he was in his cell. Take the blame away from Aang, the war would already be over, Zuko would have already been Fire Lord. It wouldn’t have been a son killing his father for power, it would have been a man killing someone who caused him nothing but pain his entire life. Zuko went between hating and craving father and he hated it. 

“Come on, the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be on your body. You haven’t even stood in almost three weeks. Please.” Katara says again. “We’re not going to hurt you, you’re not going to have to keep standing. You can lean on us when you stand, we’ll be on either side of you.” He hears Azula say as she gently takes his hand, trying to move his arm from being wrapped around his head, he snatches it back. He knows he’s incredibly weak and she could have kept him like that, he apparently wasn’t even strong enough to use a wheelchair yet. Someone would have to fucking push him around. He didn’t want to be paraded around, showing everyone who passed by that the Fire Lord couldn’t even move on his own. He knew logically that wasn’t the point. He knew it was to help him get around without relying on others as much, to make it so his world existed outside of his hospital room, he just couldn’t think logically right now. He just wanted to fall asleep. Never waking up would be a plus. So he still kinda wanted to die. He wants to die, that’s what he wants.

“Will you tell me why you won’t try? And telling me that you don’t want to isn’t a good answer, you have already said that and have made it clear, can you tell me why you don’t want to?” Zuko shrugs, not looking up. That was also partially true. It scared him to stand again, it physically hurt to stand again, but there was more to it and he didn’t know what it was. He felt like he should want to walk again after everything, he just doesn’t. 

He hears the women talking about getting someone, footsteps, and then the door closing. He doesn’t really care. “Please, I won’t force you to stand, will you please tell me what’s wrong?” He hears Azula say, sitting next to him. Katara must have left. “Who is Katara getting?” He settles on asking, head still buried in his knees. “She is getting Iyasu and hopefully Kya. Why don’t you want to walk, brother?” She asks again, rubbing his back in small circles. 

Zuko bites his lip, sure it was scarring by now, not sure what to say. “What is Kya going to do?” He asks, wanting to avoid this until the others get back where they would start focusing on each other as well as him. Making it so he could hide a little in the space taken up by their own conflict. “Kya has worked in physical rehabilitation before to some extent, please answer my question, and don’t ask where she had done that because first of all, I don’t know, second of all, my patients are wearing thin. Please tell me why you don’t wanna walk.” Azula says, kissing the back of his head. 

Zuko shrugs again. “Scared, I guess.” He says softly. He’s scared of every reminder that comes with standing but also what it means about him when he inevitably fails at this like he does with everything else. He’ll have to give up the fantasy he sometimes lives where things will go back to the way they were. Where he’ll have all of his memories back, he can defend himself, he can firebend, he can have a functional and healthy relationship with Suki and Sokka, he can be around other men besides uncle and not immediately start thinking about how easy it would be for them to pin him down, forcing themselves inside of him, he doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that he will never be the same again. 

“What are you scared of?” He hears Azula ask. “We would never hurt you or force you to stand for days like you were in that damned basement.” She says, hugging him gently. “Pl-please Azula, I just don’t want to. I can’t.” He whimpers, feeling a lump forming in his throat, trying to swallow it down. “It’s okay, brother. It’s okay.” He hears Azula say distantly as he feels hot tears forming in his eyes, falling silently, his body still as tears of fear and shame roll down his face hidden in his knees.

Zuko hears the door open and several sets of footsteps enter. He isn’t sure if he should be relieved for a moment of attention focused on someone else, or upset that more people are now in the room to demand something of him that he can’t do. He wants to scream. He doesn’t, he just lets tears silently soak through his pants.

“Can you look up?” He hears Iyasu say by his side, he flinches a little, not having noticed that she was there. He shakes his head, they had all seen him cry enough, they all knew he was fucking pathetic. They didn’t need to see him crying over not wanting to walk after everything else. He knew they were at their wits end with his bullshit. Eventually they would just stop coming. Servants would bring him food here, but other than that, he would be left alone and forgotten, a stain on the family history that would be overshadowed by the blood spilled by his predecessors and forgotten about before the people he had personally known even died. 

“I know you’re crying, you don’t need to hide it.” He hears her say, moving a little closer to him. Zuko hesitates for a moment, slowly lifting his head, looking at the people around him, not doing anything to stop his tears. “Will you please tell me why you don’t want to try and stand. Please tell me, we can’t help you if you don't know what’s wrong.” He hears her say, he doesn’t turn to face her. She always appears calming, it's usually nice, but it isn’t what he deserves right now. He deserves to be frightened. He knows it. 

“I don’t want help, I want to be left alone.” Zuko mumbles. “If you won’t let us help you even stand, would you more seriously consider the idea of a wheelchair? You would need to be pushed around for a while while you built back up your upper body strength, but you could start getting around a little more on your own.” She says, he can feel her looking at him. Zuko shrugs. “Considering that you aren’t adamantly against that idea, I’m going to view it as a yes for now. Would you please at least let Kya help you stretch, she and Katara have said you’re going to destroy the muscles in your lower body severely from extended periods of being in a standing position to suddenly an extended period of being bedridden.” She says. 

Zuko lets out a small sob, digging his fingers into his sides, shaking a little from crying. He just wants this to be done. He wants this to be over. His actions now are going to have long term consequences. He just wants a fucking break. “Are you in pain still?” She asks, Zuko nods without meaning to, wishing that she wasn’t so easy to be honest with, but that was probably part of what made her a good therapist.

“What hurts?” She asks, touching his shoulder. “Is it your legs?” Zuko nods. “A-and my back...hurts a lot.” He says quietly, burying his face back in his knees, not wanting to look at anyone in the room. “It’s likely because of the position you were forced to be in for so long, someone shouldn’t be standing for that long...no wonder you’re in pain...why didn’t you say something, sweetie?” He hears Kya ask softly, as she gently touches his upper back. Zuko shrugs, it was because he didn’t want to burden them with anything else, he didn’t want them to leave, he didn’t want to be alone again. He just wanted to postpone the inevitable. 

“I didn’t feel anything when I was going over your injuries...I’m so sorry.” He hears Katrara say sadly, further away from him. She sounded guilty, making Zuko just feel worse. He should have just kept his mouth shut, should have forced himself to stand even if it sent pain shooting up his back to his shoulders and down a little past his knees, even if it made him nauseous with pain and fear, he should have just done it. All he had managed to do was avoid standing for a little longer, and drag people deeper into the dark hole he created. He was just a void, he was stuck in the middle of it and sometimes people around him would give him a little light, bring him comfort, make him forget where he was. More often than not, Zuko just pulled people in with him who got too close when trying to help. Hurting people was what he did. Ruining lives is what his family did. He would continue the tradition whether he wanted to or not. Father was right about him in every way, he was a defect, a disgrace to the Fire Nation and a stain on the bloodline. If he wasn’t, he would be able to do something right. He would at least be able to not hurt people while he literally just laid in bed.

“I think that we should have him in a wheelchair if it's so painful for him to stand he reacts like this to the suggestion of it.” He hears Kya say distantly. “I think we need to introduce him to healers who are more informed on chronic spinal and paraspinal pain, and get him to trust them so they can begin looking at his back. They said a wheelchair could be ready in a day or two for him, like you said Iyasu, being cooped up in this room probably isn’t good for his mental state, we need to get him outside.” She says, followed by a chorus of agreement. Zuko feels anger bubbling in his chest and hot, angry tears begin rolling down his cheeks. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting so strong but he knows why he’s angry. He’s angry that they’re talking about him like he isn’t in the room, like he doesn’t have an opinion that matters or one at all, like this is just something that is going to be done to him, not something he needs to participate in, like they’re ready to impose their will on him, like he’s their fucking property. ‘You aren’t a person, you’re property. You belong to me. You don’t get rights. I own you.’ He hears his fathers voice say in the back of his head, Zuko lets out a small whimper in response.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He hears Azula say, probably hearing his reaction to father. “I’m right fucking here, you know.” He growls, lifting his head, glaring at her. “I’m sorry, lo-”

“At least father was up front with the fact I belonged to him. He treated me like I was property, like I wasn’t a person, like I didn’t get a say in anything, but he fucking told me that. He told me that he owned me. Stop acting like you guys are better than him. You’re not. Just because you don’t beat me, or starve me, or fuck me, doens’t mean you don’t treat me like I’m a thing that belongs to you.” He whispers past the swelling lump in his throat, knowing the only way to relive it would be to break down crying opposed to letting tears slip out against his will. He’s met with silence. No one says anything to him. Good.

“Would y-” Kya begins. “Leave me alone. I want to be left alone, please. If you aren’t willing to leave me completely alone still, please just be quiet and ignore me. I just...I don’t know. Leave me alone.” He says, curling up on the mattress, pulling the blankets around him as he hears feet shuffling out the door, closing it followed by the sound of someone getting on the other bed. He refuses to even look at them, just feeling so angry and worthless. “Brother, I-’

“Azula, please.” Zuko whispers, not turning to face her as he closes his eyes, crying quietly, just wanting to be alone for a while and not be forced to drag people down into the pit he was in. He didn’t want to continue to force people to suffer with him. They didn’t deserve it, he did. Father had been one of the many people in his life who had treated him the way he deserved, he was just the first to put it so plainly. He was still being punished, but his punishment was to watch as he was forced to hurt those around him, forced by his own shortcomings. His own failures. Zuko just wants to die, for everything to be over. 

Zuko feels himself drift back off to sleep, praying that he won’t have the misfortune of waking up again. Ever. 

Iroh, Hakoda, Bato, and Kya are all sitting in Iroh’s office drinking tea, chatting, trying to take Iroh and Kya’s minds off of Zuko. Hakoda hadn’t been allowed to see Zuko yet, Bato hadn’t either, but the two of them had never been particularly close. Zuko and Bato had never had an issue with each other, they got along very well, Bato was just generally quiet and Zuko was ridiculously awkward and needed someone else to carry the conversation for him and the two of them had a wildly different sense of humor. Hakoda had begun thinking of Zuko as his son. He had been taken advantage of and abused by so many people in his life, Hakoda just wanted to wrap him in his arms and hide him from the world.

After the war (and even more so when Sokka and Zuko started dating), Hakoda had really taken Zuko under his wing. He knew that Zuko had his uncle who loved him unconditionally, but it hurt him to know that Zuko thought of Iroh as the exception. On top of that, he wasn’t around as much as he was living in Ba Sing Se. Whenever Zuko was in the South Pole, or when Hakoda was in the Fire Nation, Hakoda would intentionally spend time with Zuko when he wasn’t with Sokka.

They had exchanged cultural forms and skills of hand to hand combat, sparing a good amount in both of their respective nations. Hakoda had given Zuko more instruction on fishing than their one trip when Zuko was still a little nervous of him but no longer outright terrified. He had taken Zuko ice dodging along with Suki and Sokka when all three of them were in the South Pole together, he still thought of how overjoyed Zuko was when Hakoda had told him he was proud of him, flinging his arms around Hakoda’s neck and had pulled him into a tight embrace. He knew very few people had praised Zuko for his accomplishments. 

Upon Zuko’s request, he had asked Kanna to teach Zuko how to make five flavor soup because Hakoda’s cooking skills were...limited and could give Zuko the instruction he had asked for. Kanna had been very reserved in trusting Zuko, she didn’t like him, she didn’t hide it and Zuko had not been thrilled when Hakoda had told him that he had gotten his mother to agree to teach him. Zuko knew his mother didn’t like him and he was scared of her. Hakoda had been deeply confused as to why Zuko, a skilled firebender and swordsman, would be scared of his elderly, non-bending mother. That was the first time he realized that Zuko had learned to show he respected someone by allowing them to hurt him however they pleased and to not defend himself, and it had broken Hakoda’s heart. However, they did cook together and seemed to get along better afterwards. Hakoda had soon learned that Zuko had wanted to learn to make it for Sokka. He made it for him when he was sick, sad, or just wanted to show Sokka he loved him but couldn’t find the words. Zuko was good for his boy, it had settled the last seed of doubt in Hakoda’s mind that this was Zuko’s long con. He loved Sokka, he really did.

Hakoda had gotten close with Zuko, he really had, now he wasn’t even allowed to see him. Zuko was terrified of other men with the exception of Iroh. Iroh had become the exception again, he thought every other man would hurt him. He understood why Zuko was so scared, but it hurt him to know that Zuko would ever think that Hakoda would hurt him, or worse, do what Zuko was really scared of, and ever touch him like that. It made Hakoda want to kill the men who had harmed Zuko again and again. 

The four of them had been sitting quietly for the better part of an hour, slowly drinking tea, just enjoying the company and a chance to relax. Bato, Kya, and Hakoda had been discussing going back to the South Pole. They would wait a little longer while Kya gave some advice and would wait for Zuko to trust other healers before they departed. They weren’t sure when, and they hadn’t told the kids yet, but Hakoda had duties in the South Pole and he missed home, he and Bato had been away for months, and Kya had been away for years. They all wanted to go home. 

They hear the screech of a bird, turning to see a messenger hawk landing on the windowsill. Iroh stands up, walking over and takes the message, petting the birds head and giving it some seeds before sitting back down. He opens the scroll, reading it. Hakoda watches the color drain from the old man’s face, hands begin to tremble a little, and rage fills his eyes. 

“What’s happened?” Hakoda asks before he can stop himself. Iroh looks like he might burn down the entire palace with them inside of it for a long moment before replying. “Ozai’s supporters who tortured Zuko were all killed along with Ozai himself, but all of those who helped Ozai escape and captured Zuko are in...far larger proportions. They aren't done. Zuko isn’t safe.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think if this boi. Also, because i may get briefly side tracked or not be sure with how I want to write a point in the main story I am going to be embellishing some of the stories that have been mentioned throughout this story in what is labeled as the sequel for this. Such as more specific stories with Kya and the guards, Suki and Zuko's adventures, Toph and Zuko's misadventures and the like. I am doing it based on 2 things, stories I feel like writing about and if there is anything that anyone wants to hear for any reason. If there is any story you wanna hear more about leave it in the comments on that work (not this one), if not, I'll just think of one that I feel like writing about when it comes to that. 
> 
> I got to make a social distancing bonfire with some friends and we burned each other with sticks for marshmallows if we got too close:)

Azula, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee, Katara, Kya, Hakoda, Sokka, Bato, Toph, Aang and Iyasu are sitting in Iroh’s office. Iroh had gone to look after Zuko, having gone into Zuko’s hospital room, the Kyoshi warriors (except for Suki and Ty Lee) were posted outside of his room. Zuko had not been informed about the letter, he was in enough distress as it is, and they first needed to come up with a plan before it made any sense to tell Zuko about this. If they decided to at all. Everyone had read the letter. Now all in shock at what they had read. 

Ozai was dead, they couldn’t have the royal they wanted on the throne. They wanted to coronate someone of their own choosing, continuing the Fire Nation on the path Ozai had been leading it on. If the sitting Fire Lord was to agree to these terms, they would be married to a member of the royal family, only in title, to become a part of the royal family, and all members, their spouse included, would be allowed to leave the palace unharmed, banned from entering the capital city ever again. If they were ever caught in Caldera city again, they would be banished from the Fire Nation entirely. They had one month to agree to these terms. If not, the crown would be taken by force, the heads of the royal family placed on spikes outside of the palace gate.

Azula isn’t sure if she feels anxiety churning or anger burning inside of her. Zuko wasn’t safe. He had been destroyed and they had come back for more. To break him all over again, this time with no chance of recovery. No one knows what to say. What could anyone say?

After what feels like hours, Toph speaks first. “I think the first order of business is that whoever wants to keep their job at the palace, guard or servant needs to be tested by me. I think that Iroh, Azula, and Sokka should begin thinking of every question that should be asked. I’ll commit them to memory.” She says, no emotion in her voice. Toph didn’t like breaking down in front of people, she was strong and she wants everyone to know it, instead of breaking down she puts steel around herself so she doesn’t. It holds her together. Azula knows she cares deeply for Zuko. She’s just fucking terrified right now. 

“I’ll speak to my uncle about tripling security, no one is allowed in or out of the palace without explicit permission. No one will be forced to keep their job, they can return to it after we have sorted this out with no consequences. We should double their pay to compensate them for their inconvenience. The last thing we need is to piss off the staff and have them turn against us. We have enough problems on our hands. Suki, I think that you should be in charge of the guards, if you don’t want the task all to yourself, you can make a team to help you of your choosing. You may decline this offer.” Azula says, not fully aware that she was speaking as she does, words flowing out of her mouth. All she could see in her mind was Zuko laying on the ground, shivering, whimpering, covered in blood, dirt, cum, tears, bruises, and burns. She could hear him asking if she owned him, terrified when she said no. She could hear him screaming for Ozai, begging for him to save him, apologizing for failing him, declaring his hate of Azula for killing him. She could see him weak and shivering, terror in his eyes as he went through withdrawal from a drug horrible enough to make him forget who he was in just three months. She couldn’t let that happen again.

“I’ll do it.” Suki says, demeanor determined, ready to protect Zuko at any and all costs. 

“I don’t think we should tell him.” Sokka says quietly. “It’s not like he can defend himself. He can’t even stand, he can’t fight, he can’t firebend. If they come for him, his only source of defense will be us. Knowing will only scare him. He’s already so terrified. I think knowing will only hurt him. Iyasu, what do you think we should do?” He asks, looking at Iyasu desperately for the correct answer. 

Iyasu sighs, giving him a sad look. “I’m sorry, Sokka, I don’t know. I don’t know what is worse, informing him about a very recent and severe cause for trauma that may not be over, or withholding information from him giving him less autonomy and making him feel more helpless and less like a person, and that we don’t view him as one, than before. I don’t have the correct answer. I personally think that we should tell him. He keeps saying that Ozai didn’t treat him like a person, but rather as property, and told him that he was nothing but a thing to be owned and controlled. Zuko keeps saying that just because we are kind to him doesn’t mean we treat him like a person and he still thinks that he is viewed as an object capable of being owned by someone. I think keeping this information from him now will only hinder his healing in the future, but I’m not sure. It is fully on how he reacts to this. I don’t know how badly he will react to the news if we tell him, or how angry he’ll get if he finds out we kept this from him. I think that we should put this up for a vote, and I say tell him.” Iyasu says evenly. “Have you changed your mind, Sokka?” Sokka shakes his head. “We have one for yes, one for no. Everyone gets one vote, you may defend your vote if you choose to as I am sure there are many people on the fence. We will only ask for Iroh’s vote if his will break a tie, can we agree to this?” Iyasu asks diplomatically. Everyone nods to indicate the affirmative. 

“I think we should keep it from him.” Toph says. “You guys can’t feel his heart, you can’t feel how absolutely terrified he is at any given moment. He is perpetually terrified of everything. Even if he trusts everyone in the room and is acting fine, he’s scared to be touched, to eat, to sleep, to talk. I don’t know what this will do to him if we tell him, but I think it will send him back over the edge, I don’t know if we’ll be able to bring him back. He’s fragile. He can’t defend himself anyways. Please spare him the pain and fear. I think we’ll end up spending more time taking care of him and less on defending him if he knows. I don’t think he’ll be able to think straight, I think he’ll constantly be panicking, I think he’ll need to be protected from himself more than he already is.” Toph says, her steely voice shaking a little, forcing emotion to not overtake her. 

“We should tell him.” Azula says numbly, every part of her body feeling slow, as if it were lagging behind her words and far behind her thoughts. “Iyasu is right. He has accused us of treating him like a thing on multiple occasions. He genuinely feels like we don’t view him as a person, like we will never treat or see him as a person again even if he recovers. That we will always see and treat him like a thing that can be owned needs to be controlled, not only in his actions, but what he learns about what directly affects him. It will hurt him when we tell him, yes, but I am worried that he won’t trust any of us if he finds out we kept this from him. He isn’t thinking rationally right now. He is basing all of his actions off of emotion and animal instinct, not logic like he was before. We’ll hurt him more in the long run.” She says calmly despite the fear and anger swirling inside of her, hoping that whatever they chose as a group would be right for Zuko. She believed what she said, but wasn’t sure if she was correct.

It is silent for a long time before Aang speaks up. “Growing up, the monks taught me that compassion is important, but it is hard to be genuine when you’re concealing the truth. I think that we should tell him. He’s scared now and he will be more scared when we tell him. Imagine if they come for him. He will be absolutely terrified that they came for him with no warning, he’ll think that they exist in the shadows, that he can be dragged back down into their control at any moment. Just because he can’t fight doesn't mean he can’t prepare. He deserves to know what's happening around him and to know that he still has some control over his life.” He says, looking down at his hands. 

“We can’t tell him, they already broke him, knowing will do nothing but torment him. He can’t mentally prepare himself for this. I don’t know what they’ll do to us, especially Zuko if we’re captured but it won’t be good. He can’t mentally prepare himself to be raped and tortured again. Knowing that is a possibility in his near future will destroy him. I’m worried what it will do to him.” Katara says, anger in her voice, clutching the side of the table so hard her knuckles are turning white. 

“I agree with Katara.” Kya says softly. “I’ve seen how easily frightened he is even to minor change in his surroundings, anything happening to him that isn’t good. He can’t handle this, it’ll crush him. He’s so fragile right now.” She says, gently taking Katara’s hand.

More silence follows before Hakoda speaks. “Zuko is not just a man or a leader, he is a soldier. I have watched how he prepares himself for any conflict. He goes through physical preparation, but most of it is mental. A lot of it is meditation to help him prepare for what's ahead of him. We need to give him more of his old self back. He needs information, he needs to be a part of the narrative.” 

“I agree with Hakoda, for the same reasons. Keeping him in the dark will hurt him far more in the long run.” Bato says calmly. 

“Fuck no.” Mai says calmly. “I’ve been told he has made multiple, violent suicide attempts, no matter how weak they were, he fucking meant them. He wants to die. He never wants to be hurt again. He has decided he can’t take anymore, and he won’t. If he finds out that he isn’t safe, he is going to try to kill himself. He will be far more desperate.” She says.

“I’m with Mai.” Ty Lee chimes in. “I saw him try once, and it was because he wanted to see Ozai and didn’t want to live without him. He was scared that he had lost someone who had controlled so much of his life for so long. If he finds out he isn’t safe from serious harm, he will not stop trying. I think you’ll have to start forcing him to eat and drink, and then good luck forcing him to keep it down. You’ll likely have to keep him strapped down at all times and that will fuck him up. Save him the agony. Please.” She says pleadingly.

There is more silence, all eyes turned towards Suki. If she said yes, the vote lay with Iroh, if she said no, then they kept it from Zuko. “Zuko is stronger than you guys are giving him credit for. He’s brave and he’s capable. I know he’s hurting right now, but he will persevere. He always does, please give him a chance.” Suki says quietly. 

“Azula, Sokka, we should go start figuring out questions to ask any and all guards and staff, Suki, go start organizing the guards how you see fit. Someone, go ask Iroh what his opinion is, give a synopsis of any and all reasons for both choices, and someone switch places with him to care for Zuko while you talk before sending him to meet with us for questioning. The vote lies with him.” Toph says as they part ways quietly. 

Zuko knew something was wrong within the first few minutes that uncle was in the room with him. Something was very wrong. Iroh was tense, hands trembling a little as he holds him tightly to his chest, gently rubbing his back, mumbling words of affection into Zuko’s bad ear as he listens to the thud of uncle's heart and vibration of his voice with his good one pressed against uncle’s chest. It was hard to focus on the idea of something being wrong when Iroh was with him. He pushed away a lot of the bad thoughts Zuko had plaguing his mind, he soothed his aching body, all he could think about was vibrations running from Iroh’s body to his own. The kind, warm words in his ear, the large, comforting hands on his body, making him feel safe and loved. It was hard to focus on anything else, he could drift so easily into a state of tranquility. 

“What’s wrong, uncle. Please tell me.” Zuko finally whispers, clutching onto Iroh’s shirt. “Nothings wrong, nephew.” Iroh whispers sadly, pulling Zuko closer as if he were terrified someone were going to come and snatch him away. Zuko clutches his uncle tighter, knowing that Iroh was scared, but couldn’t place why. He vaguely remembered that Iroh had once had a son and he loved him deeply. However, he died in the war. During Zuko’s banishment, Iroh had taken care of and loved Zuko as if he were his own son. He knew that Iroh thought of him as his own and couldn’t bear the thought of losing another son. Zuko wanted to be any version of anything that Iroh could cherish and not leave behind. 

“Are you thinking about your son?” He asks quietly, turning his head a little so it’s tucked under Iroh’s chin. “Hm?” He hears Iroh ask, still rubbing his back. “I-Is that why you’re scared to let me go? Are you thinking about your son?” He asks, biting his rough lower lip. Iroh is quiet for a moment. “Yes.” He eventually says, sounding distant and sad. “I’m sorry.I-I love you, uncle.” Zuko whispers, wrapping his arms around his neck, staying where he felt safe, warm, and loved. “I love you, too, nephew. So much.” Iroh replies softly. 

Zuko is half asleep when he hears the door open and someone say something to Iroh. He feels his body being moved. Zuko moves off of Iroh and scoots away from the intruder before he can see them. “Kya?” He asks quietly as she comes into focus. “Yes, sweetie, it’s me. Would you be okay if your uncle left and I stayed with you for a bit?” She asks softly. 

For anyone else, the pet name sweetie would remind him too much of sweetheart, but it doesn’t with Kya. Zuko can’t fully remember his own mother, but he knows Kya reminds him of her a bit. He knows that she was held captive for over a decade for protecting her daughter and didn’t become bitter and cruel like many would. He knew that her moods would change slowly and predictably, not erratically. He could trust he would know if he was angering her. He could trust Kya to not hurt him. He knew she didn’t particularly like him, but that almost made him trust her more. She saw him not as someone she had to take pity on because she loved him, but as a person who she needed to heal no matter her feeling towards him. She had actively chosen to help him with a clear mind, not one clouded with emotion. He knew that she was helping him for Zuko, not for herself. 

“Y-yes.” He answers quietly, looking down at the ground, still not happy when uncle leaves. Just because he trusted Kya to have more steady emotions because she wasn’t emotionally attached to Zuko didn’t mean he wanted uncle to leave. Uncle was the only one who disregarded Iyasu’s rules about not holding him, and Zuko appreciated that. He loved being wrapped in uncles arms, pulled against his chest where he could hear Iroh’s heartbeat and the rumble of his voice as he speaks or hums. He loved feeling uncle’s hand rubbing slow, comforting circles on Zuko’s back, sometimes he would have a hand gently placed on Zuko’s head, thumb running across the bristles of hair growing back. He missed Iroh already, he needed him to come back so much he wanted to cry. It was always hard when uncle left or when Zuko woke up without him. He always looked forward to uncle’s visits, he always craved being touched, feeling loved, feeling wanted. He would let uncle use his body in any way he wanted if it meant he would hold him like that at night as he slept, warding off bad dreams, keeping his weak, scrawny body warm and safe. It could belong to Iroh, if that is what he wanted, he hadn’t made any move to claim it however, not that Zuko was upset, Iroh still held and loved him.

Zuko pulls his knees to his chest, burying his face in his knees. Something was wrong with Kya too, something was very, very wrong and he didn’t know what. He tried to think about it, knowing it was important, but Iroh’s soft voice was what filled his head. He heard Iroh telling Zuko that he loved him, that he would protect him, that he was there for him. He could feel the ghosts of Iroh’s large, soft hands rubbing his back and his head, he could feel the idea of Iroh’s hands, wandering down his body, claiming what was his. Whispering praise instead of degradation in his ear, professing love instead of contempt with each kiss, feeling the harsh hands of father being replaced with uncle’s, someone who would love him, would cherish him, would keep him safe from the world. Someone who really loved him like he thought father had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an idea of what choice I want them to make when it comes to telling Zuko or not, but it isn't particularly relevant to the plot either way. If anyone feels strongly let me know in the comments. it isn't plot heavy at all, it's about what you think is better for Zuko. Poor baby needs a break (I know its 100% my fault he doesn't have one but...). 
> 
> Also, Iyasu wasn't just trying to be a bitch when she said to not bee too affectionate with Zuko even if he wanted it. Iroh is just trying to be a good uncle but our poor boy is traumatized:(


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a little longer to write than normal, it was about two days (maybe almost 3) I think so I am sorry for the wait especially considering the point we are at. Despite the fact I can control this universe and everyone's reactions, I was very unsure on what they should do in terms of telling Zuko or not so it took me a bit to think about. It is a question about what is more ethical and I do not know. 
> 
> But here is another angst filled chapter 
> 
> It also took me longer to update this time because I started working on a one shot chapter taking place before everyone's lives went directly to Hell. I wanted a more cohesive description of when these people were happy and had functional relationships. I am not done with it but it is probably about halfway done. I should have it posted tonight or tomorrow morning. It will be the third work of this series (or whatever the proper nomenclature is) and it is about Suki and Zuko's be gay do crime relationship and then coming back home to be cute together and with Sokka. So much happier than any of this. So if you read this and feel sad, remember that that will be a thing that will come into existence in the near future, you can read that and know that Zuko had some good things happen to him in the past.

“What are we doing?” Iroh asks nervously, looking at Hakoda who stands in front of him, looking just as anxious as Iroh feels. “We put it to a vote and we need your opinion as well. I voted to tell him. Zuko isn’t just a man, he’s a soldier, he’s strong. I’m sure you have seen him prepare for battle far more than I have and you have seen how he prepares his mind more than his body. Others have said that Zuko thinks that we view him as property and that we don’t value his input or his intrinsic value as a person. This isn’t something that we can hide forever, and he will eventually find out that we kept this from him if we don’t tell him now. I think that will do more harm than good in the long run, Azula is worried he’ll stop trusting us if he finds out we kept this from him. I’m not sure that telling him is what's right...but I think it is.”

“For the argument of not telling him, a lot of people were worried that it was just going to add unnecessary stress to his life. It’s not like he can physically prepare himself for anything, if they attack, his only methods of defense will be us. Maybe in a month we can have him walking again, but he could still easily be overtaken. People are justifiably worried that he might try and kill himself with significantly more effort than before. Mai said that Zuko has decided that he never wants to be hurt again and will take every precaution to make sure he isn’t, no matter how extreme. He’s terrified.” Hakoda says, refusing to make eye contact with Iroh.

Iroh takes a deep shaky breath, glancing at the door, knowing his terrified nephew was inside, not sure if it would be better to lie to him, and possibly destroy Zuko’s fragile safety net the moment he finds out, or to go in and tell him that he isn’t safe, that the people who tortured and raped him continuously for three months had more supporters, that they were coming for him. “It’s a tie, isn’t in?” Iroh says softly after a long moment.

He sees Hakoda nod. “Yes. I’m sorry. I know it’s a difficult choice. Where everyone has their opinion, no one is sure. No matter what we do, we’re going to hurt him, I think we need to think about his long term mental state. Let him know he is a part of the conversation and we’re not just doing things to him. I’m just worried the truth might destroy him long before he gets to that state of acceptance.”

“Hakoda...I know you’ve really taken him under your wing in the past few years as well...but he’s my boy...I-I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’ll do if this choice means that I lose him. I can’t lose another son.” Iroh says, searching Hakoda’s face, not sure what for. “He’s become family. I love him, and not only would I lose Zuko...I don’t know what would happen to Sokka If Zuko dies or completely shuts down. I don’t know what the right answer is...I just have my opinion on what I think is best for him in the long run. You do the same. No one will have all the blame if you choose wrong, no matter what, we’ll protect him and do whatever we can to help him through this.” Hakoda replies, glancing at Zuko’s door.

Iroh slowly exhails. “I think we should tell him. He knew that something was wrong. He’s smart, he’ll figure it out very soon. I would rather tell him and not lose his trust, than him find out on his own anyways.” Iroh says eventually, biting his lower lip. Hakoda nods. “We will tell him after we have a plan more in place. Suki is rounding up guards right now, Sokka and Azula are in your office with Toph right now finalizing questions to ask all of the guards and staff. Azula has more specific plans that she can give you to minimize the chance of angering the staff while making precautions. Iroh nods, walking back towards his office, gut churning with anxiety.

Toph sits at a table, feet bare and pressed against the ground, expressionless, Iroh on one side of her, Sokka on the other, and Azula next to her, ready to take notes and fight, whichever she was needed for. “Bring the first one in.” Toph says as Suki opens the door, bringing in the first guard, who nervously sits at the table in front of her. “What is your name?” She asks sternly. “Lu Kim.” He answers. ‘True.’ She thinks, nodding to Azula, she hears her write something down, presumably his name. “Position?” She continues. “I guard the eastern gate of the second wall, third rotation.” He replies. ‘True’ She nods to Azula again. 

She leans forward, ready for the real questions. “Where were you the night of Fire Lord Zuko’s abduction and did you have any affiliation with it?” She asks coldly. “I was at my position at the eastern gate, I wasn’t aware of anything nefarious going on. Former Fire Lord Ozai was being held on the west side. I only knew something was wrong when we were informed that Fire Lord Zuko was missing. I had no affiliation with his abduction, me and my family are better off with Fire Lord Zuko than we were with his father.” He says. ‘True.’ She thinks, she nods to Azula. “Have you come into contact with anyone who supports Ozai or the coronation of a new Fire Lord for any reason? Willingly or unwillingly.” She can feel him begin to calm down, all of his nerves were from confusion, not guilt. “No, ma’am.” He says. ‘True.’ She nods to Azula again. “Is there anyone that you know who may be in support of the removal and/or harm or Fire Lord Zuko?” She asks. “No.” He replies. ‘True.’ She nods to Azula. 

“Thank you for your time, Lu Kim. You may go through that door.” She points to her left. He stands, bows to her and leaves. The next guard comes in, and then next and the next. They are all asked the same questions, very few are sent through the right door which is where they will be held but not harmed for further questioning. If their innocence was proved they would be compensated for their inconvenience, everyone who was sent through that door was told this. They couldn’t risk letting Zuko get hurt again. They didn’t come into contact with anyone who were blatantly guilty. Well at least the guards, the servants were going to be next. Setting a perimeter of trusted guards would be vital. 

There were 12 guards and 34 servants that wanted to leave the palace during this time. There things would be searched that they were bringing and they had to leave within 12 hours. They would be given half of their salary while gone to keep their families going, and those staying would receive double. Those leaving would be able to return after the state of emergency was deemed over. Toph wasn’t sure who was dealing with this portion, and she didn’t particularly care either. As long as it was getting done. As long as Zuko was going to be safe. As long as these people could never touch him again. 

By late afternoon of the next day, Toph has spoken to everyone and reinterviewed the guards and servants she was suspicious of before. Those who she still wasn’t positive about would be sent home with half of their pay as the ones who chose to leave. They couldn’t risk it. Sparky needed to be safe. No one could hurt him from the inside. No one would take him again. No one would hurt him again. Toph was sure that the letter that had been said obscured much of the truth of the Fire Nation nationalists. Many of the others agreed.

Toph doubted they would leave the royal family unharmed if they turned over the throne. She guessed that they would request that they be wed to Zuko, considering he couldn’t firebend or fight in his current state. He was already broken. She guessed that they wouldn’t allow him to leave. They would hurt him in so many ways, they would probably pass him around and use him, do whatever they wanted as he just retreated further inside of his mind to hide from the world. She doubted they would be merciful enough to kill him and leave his head on a spike. Ozai’s supporters had taken pleasure in hurting Zuko in every way possible. These people were no different. They would destroy him until there would be dead people that seemed more alive than Zuko. They couldn’t give into the demands. Zuko wouldn’t survive it. 

Toph feels a hand on her arms. It’s Iroh. “Toph, you’ve been awake for well over 24 hours. You need to sleep, can I help you to your room?” Toph nods, her whole body feeling numb from exhaustion as she rests an arm oh Iroh’s shoulder as he helps her stand. They move down the hallways towards her room. “Thank you so much, Toph. I really don’t know what we would do without you. I don’t know how we would be able to press forward having no idea who we could trust. You’ve made an impossible situation bearable. There is not a way I can express my gratitude to you, but thank you, for everything you have done for my nephew since you met him until now.” Iroh says earnestly as he helps her into her bed, gently tucking her in. 

“What's the point of having the greatest earth bender in the world on your team if you can’t use her?” Toph asks, grinning sleepily. “Well, she does make for good company over a hot cup of tea and a stone game of Pai Sho, even if she won’t let me tell anyone else she has figured out a way to play.” Iroh says, chuckling softly. “And if you ever do tell anyone it will be the second best fire bender vs. the best earth bender. Azula’s got you beat there.” She says, feeling the world grow fuzzy. She hears another light chuckle. “Goodnight, Toph. I’ll see you when you wake up.” She hears him say before she falls into unconsciousness. 

Zuko is sitting on his bed, looking at the door, anxious to know what is going on. Kya has been reading a story to try to ignore his growing anxiety at what could have possibly happened. She said that Iroh, Azula, Suki, Katara and Iyasu wanted to tell him together. She had told him that only after several hours of pestering. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. She hadn’t mentioned Toph, had she died? Was she sick? Was she taken too? His mind is filled with images of her chained up the way he had been, bound in rope and wood opposed to stone and steel, no way of seeing what was around her without her element. He sees blood replacing her clothes, her screams replacing the conversations she had brought him.

Several hours ago, Kya had tried to offer him physical comfort when she saw how upset he was. Every time he saw her hand move toward him, it was filled with flame coming to burn his exposed flesh, it was holding a whip, ready to shred his skin so the scarring became more common than healthy skin. Or worst of all, it was a hand coming to slide down to parts of his body he didn’t want to be touched ever again, forcing him to feel pleasure from sick violation, making him crave death. He flinched violently every time she had moved towards him, his skin crawling, body trembling, chest heaving.

Now, he just sits on his bed, knees to his chest, barely able to breath despite taking in so much air, vision blurring from exhaustion and terror, body burning and trembling. He couldn’t stop crying. He couldn’t stop seeing Toph in horrible pain. He couldn’t remember much about her, but he knew that he loved her and that she loved him, no matter how rough around the edges she was. She just wanted him to be safe and happy. He wanted the same for her.

He vaguely remembers joining the Avatar and his friends to end the war. He remembers how everyone, justifiably, reacted to him with hate and disgust. ‘It’s how you have always deserved to be treated, it’s how you always should be treated. You’re disgusting, you’re not a person, you’re a thing, you can be owned, people don’t need to ask you to use your body, it isn’t yours. You don’t get to say yes or no. I do.’ He hears father’s voice whisper in his ear, feeling the ghost of father’s hand rubbing his inner thigh. He isn’t sure if he is more upset by the fact that he can still feel father touching him after so long, or that he feels like father is teasing him, that he wants father inside of him and he can’t. It might be both and Zuko can’t stand it. He lets out a moan of dread followed by a terrified whimper. He wants this to be over. 

“Zuko, what’s wrong?” He hears Kya ask, concerned. He’s angry that she feels like she can ask him what's wrong after he asked the same question and for hours she told him nothing. He flips her off, refusing to look at her, not able to stop crying, shaking, or hyperventilating. 

He remembers how Toph was the first person besides his mother and uncle to treat him with kindness without expecting anything in return other than his companionship. She came to look for him when the others cast him out in disgust and he burned her. Despite that she was still the first to accept him. He vaguely remembers her sleeping with him in ruins, warding off his nightmares, keeping him safe. He remembers her eating meals with him to make sure he wasn't alone. He remembers her visiting him in the palace after he was coronated and greeted him as a friend just the same. Now she was taken. She was being tortured for the sin of being tainted by his fifth, she was taken in place of him. She was taken because she cared about him not out of obligation but out of friendship and didn’t demand his body in any way. 

He feels his fingers tearing at his skin without his permission, he can smell his own blood, taste his tears, hear his screams, not fully aware of performing any of these actions. Zuko had gotten Toph captured, whatever happened it was his fault and it was being kept from him. They didn’t want him to know he had killed his best friend. They didn’t want their property to lose more value than it already had. They didn’t want an empty vessel.

He feels someone grabbing his arms, he knows it's reassuring but all he can feel is hands holding him too tight, shaking him until handprint bruises form on his arms and he's weeping in confusion and fear. He is aware of multiple voices around him, but he can’t distinguish any of them, he can’t hear what anyone is saying, all he can hear is his own sobbing, his own screaming, his own desperate pleas and apologies tearing from his lips. 

There are too many people touching him, too many people trying to claim him, too many people grabbing at his body, too many hands ripping away what is left of him, trying to find a piece that will satisfy their lust, their desires. He swings his weak limbs at them wildly and blindly. He tears at any skin he can reach with his nails, with his teeth, screaming the whole time. 

He feels himself being laid on the bed, hands holding him down, legs spread a little, leaving him vulnerable to anything. He feels bindings coming down across his body, holding him down. He can’t stop fighting, he can’t stop screaming, he can’t stop begging for mercy, for death, for freedom. 

He feels the hands move off of him, straps holding him down to the bed, immobile. He screams, feeling as if he were tearing the skin from his throat, spewing blood at the people around him. He can’t breath, he can’t see, he can barely hear anything that is outside of his own body. Anything that isn’t his racing heart, his desperate breaths, his screams. Nothing else matters, Toph is gone, he is being taken too. All he can do is scream for mercy. So he does, he screams and screams, begging for the relief of death. 

“What the fuck happened?” Iroh asks, looking at Kya desperately as he tries to sooth his screaming nephew. He’s writhing in his bonds desperately, screaming himself hoarse. He is screaming words, but they’re all unintelligible. 

Iroh feels tears rolling down his cheeks, shaking hand rubbing Zuko’s heaving stomach. Zuko hasn’t calmed down in the slightest. Usually, after the first minute of being strapped down completely and no one grabbing him anymore, he has calmed down a little. If anything Zuko is getting worse. 

“What happened?” He repeats, not caring that Kya could see the tears blinding him. “I-I don’t know. He knew something was wrong. He kept asking me what was wrong and I told him nothing for the first few hours. He started getting angry and by that point I had been informed that you had cast your vote to tell him and so I said that you and the others were busy right now but that it was complicated and they wanted to tell you together. I guessed he was just waiting for you guys to come in after that, he was just sitting in the bed, facing the door, sometimes he was crying others not. Whenever I asked him what was wrong, he would either tell me to go fuck myself or flip me off. About five minutes before you got in here, his breathing started getting erratic and he seemed to be getting worse, and about a minute before he started scratching himself and screaming.” Kya says nervously but loudly so she could be heard over Zuko’s screams.

Iroh doesn't know how to respond to that. “Does this at all change your vote? Do you think this happened because he could tell something was horribly wrong and he didn’t know?” Iroh asks eventually. Kya nods tentatively. “We need to tell him...I think he came up with something horrible that had happened and blew it into the extreme proportion because he had nothing but his own fractured mind to base it off of.” Kya says sadly.

Iroh nods solemnly, touching Zuko’s face, wishing he could stop the screaming. “Nephew, please, can you hear me?” He asks loudy. “Please stop screaming, it’s your uncle Iroh. Please tell me what’s wrong.” He gets no response as Zuko continues screaming, voice beginning to dull as it grows hoarse. He was going to scream himself out. He likely wasn’t going to be able to talk for several days if he didn’t stop screaming within the next minute or two. 

Kya walks across the room, filling a glass with water and coming back to the bedside. “Tilt his head up, I would do this with the kids when they were young to help calm them down. You can’t drink water and cry at the same time. He’s probably dehydrated anyways.” Kya says sternly. 

Iroh gently lifts Zuko’s head up, heart breaking as he hears his cries of anguish become more fearful, aware he is being moved and controlled. “I’m sorry, nephew. It’s okay, we’re going to help you.” He whispers as Kya presses the glass to his lips, tipping it back and forcing water down his throat. Zuko’s cries turn to chokes and coughs, sputtering about half of the water back at them, but is focusing on breathing more than screaming. Before he can go back to that, Kya makes him drink a little more. 

By the third mouthful he isn’t choking on it, he drinks it whimpering a little as he does, but calming down. His breath slowly becoming more rhythmic, he begins struggling less, his body relaxing. Iroh almost weeps with relief when Kya takes the empty glass away and Zuko only makes a few small sobs. 

Iroh rests Zuko’s head back down, kissing his forehead. “Nephew, can you hear me?” He asks softly. “U-uncle?” Zuko whimpers, struggling a little. “Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll let you up in a few minutes after you fully calm down i-”

“Th-they took Toph didn’t they? That’s what's wrong. Th-they’re hurting her. They’re gonna kill her for caring about me.” Zuko sobs, cutting Iroh off. Iroh is deeply confused as to where the fuck Zuko got that idea from, but figures that making Zuko feel like an idiot will only make things worse and not gain him anything except multiple angry looks from the others for unnecessarily hurting Zuko. “What are you talking about? Who are they? Toph is fine, she’s asleep.” Iroh whispers. “I-I don’t know! Them! The men who took me. I-I need to see her. Please let me see her. Ca-can y-you take me? Pl-please.” Zuko whimpers, looking at him desperately. 

Iroh sigh sadly. “I’ll show her to you. Then I promise you, we’ll tell you what's wrong. Okay, nephew?” Zuko nods frantically before Iroh and Kya remove the straps from Zuko’s bony body, feeling arms wrap around his neck as soon as Zuko is able to sit up. “It’s okay, nephew. I’m sorry I left you. I’m here now.” He whispers, kissing Zuko’s head and picking him up. 

Zuko is far too light. It barely feels like he is holding anything, let alone a grown man. Zuko had been having trouble eating after he got past the feeling of perpetual starvation. He was still severely malnourished and horribly underweight, and he was barely eating despite that. It was likely part of the reason why Zuko still couldn’t walk.

“I want you to hide your face, nephew. We’re going to need to walk through the palace to get to Toph and there are going to be a lot of people who would never hurt you but might frighten you. Okay?” Iroh asks, mainly concerned with the fact that Sokka and Hakoda were right outside of the door, terrified of the screaming they had heard. Terrified for Zuko. Luckily Suki, Katara, and Azula were out there as well, they had just left after Zuko had been strapped down, deciding he needed space. 

Zuko nods, burying his face in the familiar spot in the crook of Iroh’s neck and Iroh positions his arms so that he can hold him a little better as they walk out of the door. “He wants to see Toph, he thinks she was taken.” Iroh says to the people outside before they can hound him with questions and frighten Zuko further. “Please come with me, Sokka, can you get Iyasu? Hakoda can you get Mai and Ty Lee? We should tell him in Toph’s room. This was caused by not knowing what was wrong. He knows something is wrong.” Iroh says sternly before quickly walking down the hallways to Toph’s room.

He enters quietly and sees her sleeping peacefully in her bed, sad that he’ll need to wake her up. Iroh knows that Toph will understand, that it’s for the sanity of her friend, but he still feels bad. For a second he wonders how Toph can sleep with the curtains open, letting the midday sun pour into her room. Then he remembers that she is blind and that the light wouldn’t bother her like that.

Iroh gently sets Zuko down on the bed as he sees Suki, Katara, Azula, and Kya file into the room. “See, she’s right there. Toph’s okay, she’s just tired. She isn’t hurt.” Iroh sadly before Zuko flings his arms around the sleeping earth bender, crying and apologizing to her about something Iroh doesn’t understand. 

“Sparky?” He hears her mumble, confused as Zuko pulls himself closer to her, still crying. “I-I’m sss-sorry.” He whimpers. “Hey, Sparky, it's okay...what’s wrong?” She asks, confused, gently rubbing the back of his head. Iroh is about to answer when Zuko speaks. “I-I th-thought th-th-they took you...the ones who took m-me. I thought they were h-hurting y-you for being kind.” He sobs into her shoulder. 

“It’s okay, It’s okay. I’m right here, no one is coming for me. I’m safe.” She says sadly, knowing the same wasn’t true for Zuko. 

The two of them stay like that for about 20 minutes as the people who Zuko trusts enter the room and the people he doesn’t stand outside, ready to show their support for him. Ready to fight until their last breath. 

Iroh sits down on the bed, taking Zuko into his arms, finding it almost difficult to breathe at the knowledge he was about to hurt his broken boy even more. He truly believed it was going to be better for him in the long run. Zuko would keep coming up with horrible scenarios at what was wrong, driving himself into new panics as he accepted them as true. He sees Toph take one of Zuko’s hands, looking sad, scared, unsure. Expressions that seemed forign on her face.

“What’s wong, uncle? What’s happened?” Zuko asks, is voice rough from screaming and crying so much the past 45 minutes. The room is silent, everyone looking at each other, all unsure as to how to break this news to him. 

It is finally Azula who speaks. She had always been brave, always been willing to step into the unknown, despite any fear she had surrounding it. “This is about the people who took you. The men who held you captive are all dead, but there were more involved with your abduction. They sent us a letter, they want to take the crown, they want to push us out, we all agree that we think they want to hurt you again, we don’t believe them when they said they wouldn’t after what the others did to you. Toph is asleep right now because she can detect lies. She was up all through the night and up until about an hour and a half ago interviewing everyone in the palace, guards and servants. Anyone she wasn’t positive were in your support were sent home, everyone here is under strict orders. She has sealed any and all entrances to the palace that are not from the four main gates in both walls. We aren’t letting anyone touch you ever again. We are going to find everyone who threatened you and make sure they can’t hurt you or anyone else ever again. You have trained guards filling the palace, the most powerful earth bender in the world, two of the best fire benders, the best water bender, the avatar, all of the Kyoshi warriors who are highly skilled, two Fire Nation warriors, and three skilled Water Tribe soldiers all on your side. I promise, you are safe. We will never let anyone touch you again.” She says with confidence. 

Iroh looks at Zuko, his expression is unreadable. He is completely silent. He is imobile. “Nephew?” Iroh whispers, kissing Zuko’s temple, pulling him a little closer. Then he hears Zuko begin to scream, the same screams he had heard in the hospital, terrified and desperate, the sound of a trapped, wounded animal. The cries of a tortured man. He won’t stop screaming and Iroh can’t stop crying, holding Zuko to his chest until he hears the screams become dull and Zuko destroys his own voice and then screams himself into exhaustion. 

Iroh brings Zuko into the hospital room after about 20 minutes of failing to calm him down. Iroh tells the others to prepare for whatever they need and that Iroh didn’t want to leave Zuko right now, that Zuko needed comfort. Iroh lays on the bed, resting Zuko on his chest, rubbing his back. Iroh’s heart cracks a little more every time he hears a broken sob escape Zuko’s mangled throat, praying to any spirit listening that he had made the right choice, needing his boy to recover, and needing Zuko to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It also took me longer to update this time because I started working on a one shot chapter taking place before everyone's lives went directly to Hell. I wanted a more cohesive description of when these people were happy and had functional relationships. I am not done with it but it is probably about halfway done. I should have it posted tonight or tomorrow morning. It will be the second work of this series (or whatever the proper nomenclature is) and it is about Suki and Zuko's be gay do crime relationship and then coming back home to be cute together and with Sokka. So much happier than any of this. So if you read this and feel sad, remember that that will be a thing that will come into existence in the near future, you can read that and know that Zuko had some good things happen to him in the past.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One Shot of Zuko/Suki/Sokka is up from several years before all this bullshit

Zuko looks blankly up at the ceiling, head spinning, gut churning, body trembling. He isn’t safe. This wasn’t over. They are coming for him. Father was dead, this time he would have no sanctuary. He would have no rest. He would just have to endure endless pain, fear, and exhaustion. He couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t. No matter how skilled everyone was around him, they couldn’t protect him forever. If more people who wanted to hurt him got in, Zuko wouldn’t even be able to run. He would be helpless.

No one seemed to understand this. It had been four days since they told him he wasn’t safe. Three days that they strapped him down, not letting him even sit up, only allowing him out a few times to use the bathroom, the rest of his existence was strapped to the bed, crying while someone tried to comfort him. Three days of them forcing food and water down his throat, refusing to let him sit up so he wouldn’t be able to vomit, but it made it hard to swallow when he finally resigned at each bite, it was so hard to breathe. He couldn’t fucking breathe when they fed him, he couldn’t tell them, they either couldn’t hear him or didn’t care. 

They had to start forcing his mouth open, he had hated his mouth being touched for a long time, but every time they forced him to eat it would now fill him with horror. The food made it so there were moments he couldn’t breathe and he had to literally choke it down, sometimes it would be too hot, and it would burn his mouth, making it all so much worse. They would force food into his mouth and then cover it with their hand. It made his existence so much worse, he wanted to die, he needed to die. He would try and fight, but it just ended in him weeping and choking the entire time, every time he finally caught his breath, something else was forced into his mouth. If he ever willingly ate again, he doesn’t think he could ever let someone touch him or even be near him while he did no. 

It had been three days since he had had a proper night's sleep. The moment he began getting rest, nightmares would plague him. He could feel the men roughly moving inside of him, whipping him, burning him, starving him, laughing at his pain and pleasure, Father would never come to help him. Father was dead. This was all Zuko’s life was going to be as soon as he was found. He would wake up, barely screaming, his throat still raw, voice still hoarse. He would feel someone shushing and cradling him as best they could against his restraints. Zuko would just sob, wishing for death he wasn’t granted. 

It had been three days since his closest suicide attempt. He knew he had been close, he might have succeeded if he wasn’t stuck with the most skilled waterbending healer in the world. Zuko knew that the others wouldn’t understand his need for death. They didn’t know how bad it hurt. They didn’t know what it felt like to be chained upright for so long that he would sob, his body trying to force him to sleep, not caring about the pain in his arms, whole body trembling, but unable to rest. Unable to sleep. They didn’t know what it was like to be whipped until there was nothing but raw skin on his back. They didn’t know what it was like to have cloth set on fire on his body or fire set on his hair, creeping and burning up to his face to the point the fucking Fire Lord feared lit candles. They didn’t know what it was like to be raped until he shouldn’t be able to feel it anymore but still could. They didn’t know what it was like to be starved and dehydrated, then to need to cut his body to earn anything he was given, only to throw it up an hour later from going so long without food and the water to be fucking drugged, taking every good thing that had ever happened to him away. Making his life unbearable. His life only the present. The horrible present.

They didn’t know. Therefore they wouldn’t understand why he had to die. They wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t risk going back there. He had known he only had one chance at this. He knew Toph and Azula were too good at reading people, they would know what he was planning. Katara was a good healer, and she would have him back to health before he even started bleeding. Suki would usually sit on the bed with him, playing games or talking to him, and when she wasn’t she would check on him regularly. That left Iroh. Luckily, Iroh had the night shift and would sleep, but he would hold Zuko at night, and he would know something was wrong if Zuko didn’t want to be held. Iroh knew Zuko needed physical contact. Iroh would sit in the other bed, but would watch him diligently. 

During Suki’s shift, Zuko had knocked over his glass of water from the bedside table, watching it shatter in the ground. He had leaned down, moving some of the pieces towards Suki, muttering apologies as he tucked the biggest piece that was there into his sleeve, hiding it under his pillow when Suki turned to throw the glass away. 

Zuko had wanted to sleep next to Iroh opposed to with his head on Iroh’s chest, telling his uncle he felt overwhelmed with everything going on, and needed a little more space, but still wanted him there. Iroh hadn’t said anything to that, but he complied, seeming to understand his nephew’s needs, keeping an arm around his waist. Zuko didn’t want Iroh to feel his blood.

When he was sure Iroh was asleep, Zuko pulled out the glass, dragging it down the length of his right arm that was pressed against the bed, he wouldn't be able to do the same to his left arm in this position without waking Iroh. He instead slashed it into his throat as deep as he could without crying out in pain. Father had been cruel Zuko’s entire life, but he had helped him build a high pain tolerance. It had become higher when he was tortured. Zuko was able to not cry out while doing this, before pressing back into Iroh’s chest, happy he chose Iroh’s shift, feeling a false sense of safety as he began to drift off to his final sleep wrapped in Iroh’s loving arms. 

He had woken up several times after that, hearing screaming and crying, feeling his wounds begin to close as he begged for death, begging for peace, for safety. He couldn’t stop crying the entire time he was awake. Every ounce of hope had disappeared when he found he had been bound to the bed, unable to save himself. It had been three days since he had spoken to anyone. For one, his voice was pretty much gone. The other reason was he was furious with everyone around him. They didn’t know what was best for him. They had never been hurt like Zuko had. They didn’t know how to help him. They were just making his life so much worse. Zuko hated them a little more every time he saw them. He hated them much significantly when they fed him.

He feels uncle’s hand gently rubbing his stomach, trying (and failing) so sooth him. “Do you want some water, nephew?” Iroh whispers, his voice rough. Zuko doesn’t respond. He does want water, his throat hurts from screaming and he spent so much of his time crying that his body demanded water. Zuko wasn’t going to give any of them the satisfaction of breaking him. They were going to have to continue forcing it down Zuko’s throat, no matter how terrible the panic he was sent into when they did. They would get fed up with him soon enough, they would let him die from dehydration. Not how he wanted to go, but better than the alternative. He was not going back there. He wasn’t.

“Nephew...please talk to me. I know you're scared. I know you’re upset. Please believe me when I say you have some of the most powerful people in the world at your side. You can’t be touched.” Iroh whispers, kissing Zuko’s temple. Zuko wants to curse at him, but his throat hurts too much, he wants to spit at him, but his mouth is too dry. He settles on growling at him, shooting Iroh a glare he was sure didn’t have the same effect as Zuko’s vision was blurred with tears. “Nephew…” He hears Iroh say sadly, running his hands over Zuko’s short but growing hair. 

Zuko turns his head to look away from Iroh, his heart breaking, gut churning, body shaking harder as he begins to cry harder again. He wants this to be over. He needs this to be over. Zuko wants nothing more than to drift off into the dark oasis, safe from anymore harm, and would be greeted by father’s strong, controlling, comforting embrace, taking indecision and fear from Zuko’s body, allowing him to exist in peace. 

  
  
  
  


Iroh hadn’t slept well since Zuko had tried to kill himself. He had woken up, arms wrapped around Zuko’s body, He remembered that Zuko’s tiny body felt too cold for a living human, definitely too cold for a fire bender. Iroh’s sleeves were wet and his skin felt crusty in some places and sticky in others. He felt Zuko’s breaths coming far too distant apart and far too shallow. The room smelled too much of copper.

Iroh had lit his hand in a small flame, so not to scare Zuko with the fire too horribly, but that wouldn’t have mattered, Zuko couldn’t see it or anything else. His eyes were closed, mouth slack, top of his body covered in blood. There were gashes in his right arm and throat, blood running from them. Iroh had screamed for help, screamed for Katara, screamed for anyone. When the Kyoshi warriors from outside had come in to ask him what he was screaming about he had just yelled that he needed Katara and any other healer they could get now.

Iroh hadn’t cared if he was being rude to them, he was sure they would understand in a few minutes when they saw Zuko’s state. Iroh had gently pulled Zuko’s far too tiny and far too cold form to his chest, trying to keep him warm, praying that he wasn’t too late, praying Zuko was going to be okay. 

Katara had worked tirelessly through the night, other healers worked on trying to replace the fluids Zuko had lost. They forced water, soup, and fruit juices down his throat. Zuko was too weak to fight them every time he woke up, but cried the whole time with heart breaking sobs. 

Iroh had been swallowed in guilt ever since. He was supposed to be protecting Zuko, and he almost died in Iroh’s watch. Zuko almost died in Iroh’s arms from injuries of his own making. Iroh should have known, he should have stopped him. Iroh wasn’t sure if Zuko had tried to kill himself when he did due to the fact he knew he had opportunity or because he wanted to die in Iroh’s arms. A place Iroh had promised Zuko would always find comfort and would always be loved, no matter what happened. Either way, it shattered Iroh’s heart beyond what he thought could be repaired. He had held his beloved nephew in what could have been his final moments, unaware. 

Iroh gently touched Zuko’s face with his free hand. Both of them had been crying almost continuously. “Nephew, please, we aren’t trying to hurt you. We’re only trying to help you.” Iroh whispers, wiping a tear from Zuko’s cheek with his thumb. Zuko growls at him again, jerking his head away a little. Iroh removes his hand from Zuko’s face. He didn’t want to continue doing something unnecessary that hurt his nephew, no matter how much he wanted to.

Iroh remains silent for a long time, looking sadly at Zuko. He sighs, continuing to do this without offering any way forward would do nothing to improve Zuko’s mental state. It didn’t matter if what he said was a lie, Iroh wasn’t sure if it would be or not...he needed Zuko to stop being like this. Zuko needed to be out of this state. He cried when they fed Zuko, he saw how it started as anger when refusing to eat and turned to complete horror as food was forced into his mouth, a hand covering it so he couldn’t spit it back at them. He heard him choking, crying and screaming the entire time. He knew that Zuko hated people touching his mouth after what was done to him. What they were doing was about keeping him alive, not improving his fragile mental state, and it hurt. Iroh felt disgusting for hours after every time, he still did now.

“Nephew...how about this. These people will need to get into the palace to get to you. They wouldn’t be able to be silent the whole time. One of us will always be with you, and will also be with you in the unlikely event that they get in here, most likely me if they do it undercover of night. If they get into the hospital wing, I promise, I will snap your neck. It’ll be quick, it won’t hurt, I know how to do it properly so it’s over too fast to feel anything. If they never break into the palace, you’ll live, you’ll get to heal and go back to your life. If they do, I’ll end it for you before they can ever touch you again. I promise.” Iroh whispers, looking at Zuko. Iroh was pretty sure he was being honest. He didn’t want Zuko to ever be hurt like that again. He just wasn’t sure if he would be able to go through with killing Zuko, even if it was to protect him.

Zuko looks at him for the first time in three day without contempt. He tries to say something but breaks into a coughing fit. Iroh grabs a glass of water next to him, tilting Zuko’s head up, so relieved that he almost cries when Zuko begins to drink from it willingly. “Pr-promise? I-If the-they get m-me, I-I’ll n-never fo-forgive y-you.” Zuko says in a voice far raspier than normal, looking at Iroh intently. He knows that Zuko means it, that Zuko will hate him forever for breaking his trust like this, for letting him be taken by those monsters again no matter how quickly they rescue him. Iroh nods. “I swear to you, nephew. I will kill you before they can touch you.” Iroh whispers. 

Zuko nods after a long moment. “S-sit up?” He whispers. Iroh begins fumbling with the straps on Zuko’s body, pulling him to his chest as soon as he gets them off of Zuko. Iroh begins rocking him gently, whispering words of affection into his ear, promising to never let harm come to his boy again. “Will you eat something, nephew?” Iroh whispers, knowing they hadn’t been getting enough in Zuko’s system after losing so much blood. Zuko nods tentatively. “I-If y-you don’t touch m-me and s-sit there.” He whispers, pointing to the other bed. Iroh bows his head in shame at having scared Zuko like this. “I’m sorry nephew. I never wanted to scare you, I needed you alive. I’ll do that.” Iroh sawy, getting up to ask for soup for Zuko, before he can open the door he hears him whisper quietly. “Yes,  _ you  _ needed me alive.” Iroh can only feel shame at that statement. 

  
  
  
  


They had finally been able to get a wheelchair for Zuko, but at this point, Suki wasn’t sure if he was going to be willing to use it. He had shut down completely, only emotions he portrayed were fear and anger. The rest of the time he was in a deep depression, empty as he would stare at the ceiling or the walls, tears rolling down his cheeks, not speaking. She usually looked forward to it being her shift with Zuko...but she just dreaded it now. 

Suki knocks on the door softly before entering. She didn’t knock to ask for permission to come in, she knew she was wanted there, she knocked to announce her arrival to Zuko so that she wouldn’t frighten him as much coming in unannounced. 

A small smile passes over her tired face when she brings the wheelchair in the room and sees Zuko. He was sitting up on his bed, slowly eating a bowl of noodles, completely willingly. What surprised her was that Iroh wasn’t holding him, he wasn’t even on the same bed as Zuko. He was sitting on the other one, watching his nephew slowly eat, looking sad and guilty. 

“Hey.” She says awkwardly. “Iroh, you probably have business that needs to be attended to, I’ll stay here with him.” Suki says, looking at Zuko who slowly puts down his bowl, looking at her with more composure than she had seen on him in weeks. “Suki...you have promised to protect me from the men no matter what, yes?” Zuko says in a barely audible voice it was so rough. “Yes, of course, love.” Suki says, confused. “Uncle has promised this, and I need you too as well. If everyone who is protecting me promises this, I swear I’ll continue to eat and take care of myself and never try and take my life again.” Zuko says calmly. Suki begins to smile, ready to agree to anything, but then she sees Iroh’s face. It is pale. He is terrified at what he has promised Zuko, and Suki’s face falls. “If they get into the hospital wing, I don’t care how far from my room they are, you need to kill me before they can take me again.” Zuko says, expressionless, meeting Suki’s eyes for the first time since they rescued him. 

Her mouth falls open a little is horror and shock, unable to respond. “You may do it in whatever fashion you choose, as long as it's quick and effective.” Zuko says, looking at her intently. Iroh is frozen still, looking at Zuko in despair. “Love, I-” Suki begins to say but Zuko cuts her off. “Suki, If I am really safe here, If the measures you put into place will really work, you won’t need to worry about this. If they get past all of your measures into the hospital wing, they can get to me. What do you think is better? Someone I know and trust slitting my throat or breaking my neck, or  _ them _ beating, burning, raping, and starving me for spririts know how long. If you love me, you’ll do this, or i’ll take care of it before they can even try to get to me. If they take me, I will never forgive you.” Zuko says, the first bit of emotion showing on his face. Fear. Desperation.

Suki isn’t sure what to say, she isn’t sure what she should say. She bites her lip, looking at the ground for a long time. “I promise, my love.” She whispers, unsure if she could ever do it, part of her angry at Zuko for the position he was putting her in, even if part of her knew he had a point. 

Zuko nods, giving her a smile, visibly relaxing and goes back to eating his noodles. Iroh stands, nodding to Suki, his expression concerned and sad before walking out of the room wordlessly. 

Suki sits next to Zuko as he eats his noodles quietly. He seemed far too gentle right now to be the same man who was negotiating his death minutes prior. It was good to see him willingly eat though. Suki had been so scared that he wasn’t going to recover, that she had voted to tell him and it would be what broke him. Guilt had filled her when she found out how Zuko had tried to kill himself. She knew he must have gotten the shard from the glass he had shattered earlier in the day. She should have been paying closer attention. She should have known that knocking it over wasn’t an accident. She should have noticed him take it. She should have known that the kiss on the cheek he had given her before she left was a goodbye kiss. She should have known, and she didn’t. She didn’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t survived. Luckily, she didn’t get that question answered, it was one she never wanted answered. 

Zuko finally finishes his bowl of broth and noodles, putting it on the bedside table and drinking the rest of the water next to him in silence. He sits pensively for several minutes, looking around the room. “Can I go out?” He finally asks, voice sounding a bit better after eating and drinking, still bad though, as he points to the wheelchair in the corner. 

Suki is honestly surprised. She had honestly thought she would have to beg him or bribe him to leave the room (she wasn’t sure what to bribe a man with who only wanted death). “Of course!” She says enthusiastically, bringing it next to the bed. “Where would you like to go, love?” She asks, lifting his far too light body from the bed and gently sitting him in the chair. “Can I have a blanket? And I want to go to the turtleduck pond.” Zuko says, giving her a small smile. 

Suki tucks a blanket around him despite the heat, feeling like she could break down crying as she sees a little bit of her Zuko shine through this broken man. “Of course, my love.” She says, gently kissing his hand. “Can you bring one of the straps...I-I want to see Sokka...I don’t think I can if his hands are free and can grab me.” Zuko says, cocking his head, looking at her. 

Suki feels tears welling in her eyes as she detaches one of the straps from the bed, putting it in her pocket. She isn’t sure if the tears are from joy that Zuko was beginning to come back to them, or tears of devastation that what it took to bring him back was a promise of execution if his torturers ever got near him again. That he was so terrified of going back is that all he needed was knowledge that he would never need to suffer again at their hands as his death would prevent it. That he needed to be surrounded by people that would protect him from pain at any cost, even if it meant not protecting his life. She wasn’t sure if tears were from her heart healing or it shattering into impossibly smaller pieces. 

“Of course, my love.” She whispers, standing behind Zuko and pushing him out the door. “Can you please send for Ambassador Sokka and have him meet us in the courtyard?” Suki asks one of the guards outside of the door. She nods, walking away. 

Suki looks at Zuko, he has pulled his knees to his chest and covered his whole body, including his head with the blanket. She can see him trembling a little under it. “It’s okay, my love, I know you’re a little overwhelmed, but no one will touch you. I promise I’ll protect you. If anyone tries to hurt you, I'll beat the absolute shit out of them and then send Azula and Katara after them later.” She says, trying to sooth the shaking man as they make their way down the hallways and finally to the courtyard after several excruciating minutes. 

“We’re here, love. No one else is. It’s just you and me, Sokka will be here soon.” Suki says, gently pulling the blanket off of Zuko’s head when they reach the pond. She feels her chest ache when she sees his face is covered in tears. This was the second time he had left that room in a month. The first time he was too scared to register anything else and had been wrapped in Iroh’s arms. There had been almost no staff in the hallways at that point due to the interrogations Toph had given. Today it was full of people, moving around and his head was far clearer. 

Suki brushes her thumb under Zuko’s scarred eyes. “It’s okay, do you want to sit on the grass?” Zuko nods, holding his blanket in one hand and wrapping his free arm around Suki’s neck, whimpering a little as she lowers him to the grass before moving the wheelchair out of the way. Suki sits next to him, wrapping an arm around Zuko’s thin shoulders, pulling him close to her. “It feels nice to be outside.” He whispers, breathing deeply, smiling at the turtle ducks. 

She hears footsteps coming towards them, looking to see Sokka. He gives her an odd look, but it completely changes when he sees Zuko. He smiles at him, moving towards them, holding himself back from rushing to them and tackling Zuko in a big hug, knowing it would only push Zuko right back into his shell. 

Sokka, kneels next to Suki, clearly unsure if he should touch Zuko or not. It becomes clear when Zuko flinches away from him, gripping tightly onto Suki and hiding his face. “Sokka, I’m going to need to tie your hands behind you.” Suki says, giving him an apologetic look. “Anything if it means I can see you tur- love.” Sokka says, smiling at Zuko before putting his arms behind him allowing Suki to tie his hands. 

He awkwardly moves into a sitting position facing the pond. It must be difficult to balance without his arms all of a sudden. “See, can’t touch you, uh, love.” Sokka says, smiling at Zuko proudly. Zuko nods, biting his lip softly. “You can call me turtleduck again if you want...I can handle it, Sokka.” Zuko says softly. 

For the first time in a long time, Suki feels hopeful that Zuko might recover, that with dedication to his health, Zuko might be okay. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is doing okay

Sokka can’t stop looking at Zuko, it has been so long since he has gotten a good look at him. Zuko looks terrible. Zuko has always been skinny, Sokka knew he had been abused severely as a child and one of the things Ozai deprived Zuko of when he didn’t meet impossible standards (which was a lot of the time) he would leave Zuko to go hungry. Demanding he suffer for his failures. He knew after his banishment, Zuko had internalized this and had also just gotten used to not eating as regularly as he should, despite living with Iroh. He learned from Azula that after Zuko had been coronated, eating made him feel sick and he would barely eat. Sokka had wondered why he always had random spicy items he didn’t recognize on his plate, but they were good and he figured he had overlooked them. After talking to Azula, he had realized that Zuko was putting his food on Sokka’s plate while they ate dinner, making it so his already meager helpings were all but nothing. Sokka still felt guilty about not noticing that. He wasn’t sure if it was Zuko’s anxiety or was continuing to internalize his father’s punishments as an adult. Sokka couldn’t imagine a more evil person than that man even if his crimes were only against Zuko from a child up until now. Ozai’s crimes against the world made it undeniable.

Zuko was somehow thinner now. His face was far too angular, cheekbones far too prominent. The front of Zuko's shirt hung down a little, exposing skin pulled too tight across his shoulder blade and collarbone. His clothes were far too loose, hanging off his skinny body, knowing if he were to lift Zuko’s shirt, he would still be able to count every one of Zuko’s ribs with ease despite it being a month since he was rescued. 

Zuko was deathly pale, making his gaunt face worse. This was the first time Zuko had been outside in over four months (not counting the time they had brought him into the airship and back into the palace). Sokka knew the fire benders relied on connection to the sun for not only their bending, but their inner fire, their physical strength, their warmth. Zuko had lost a part of himself from being disconnected from Agni for so long. Sokka wasn’t particularly spiritual himself nor was he a bender, but Azula had been explaining the dulling and extinguishing of a fire benders inner fire and element withdrawal. From what Sokka understood, it would be like losing his right arm. It was physically painful and debilitating. It would explain why Zuko was pressed against Suki’s side with a blanket wrapped around his shoulder in the Fire Nation heat, still looking cold (being that skinny probably didn’t help either). 

It breaks Sokka’s heart that all he can do is watch Zuko shiver, knees to his chest, leaning against Suki. He knew something bad had happened a few days ago, and he wasn’t sure what, no one would tell him. All he knew is despite being willing to come outside and see Sokka, Zuko looked completely broken. Sokka wants to throw his arms around him, pull his little body to his chest, cover his head and face with kisses, profess his love to him over and over again. He couldn’t. Sokka’s hands were bound behind his back and Suki would demolish him for trying to touch Zuko in this state when he was finally opening back up. 

“Turtleduck?” Sokka says quietly, looking at the man he loved so fiercely, who had been broken over and over again to the point he couldn’t hear his own fucking name.”Hmm?” Zuko responds softly. “I know you’re scared of me, and I know something happened a few days ago, something bad, I don’t know what, but I want you to know that I love you, and I will protect you no matter what. I want you to feel safe again.” Sokka says softly. 

Zuko doesn’t reply for a long moment. “They didn’t tell you I tried to kill myself and got closer than I have before?” Zuko says monotoned, looking at the turtle ducks. Sokka feels his heart stop in his chest and his blood running cold. “Y-you did wh-what?” Sokka whispers, horrified. “I slit my arm and throat while uncle was sleeping and holding me. Almost succeeded. Instead I got tied down and hurt by people who promised to protect me.” He growls, not looking at either of them, Suki looks sad and guilty. Sokka had spent a lot of time with Suki during that time, knowing she couldn’t be around Zuko. She must have not participated in whatever happened to him, but did nothing to stop it. Sokka is just horrified on all accounts. 

“Love, I know you don’t like it when people touch your mouth, bu-”

“I couldn’t breath, Suki.” Zuko snaps, sounding close to tears as he buries his face in his knees, hugging himself. “I’m so sorry, love...I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.” He hears Suki whispering apologies as she gently hugs Zuko, pulling him partially into her lap, rocking him gently, crying. Sokka is just in too much shock and despair to say anything.

“What do you mean you couldn’t breathe?” Sokka finally asks, biting his lip, nervous about the answer. “Fo-forced me to eat. I was on my back a-and didn’t want to b-but they m-made me and I was s-so scared a-and angry a-and kept ch-choking a-and c-couldn’t breathe.” Zuko says, sobbing quietly. Sokka feels so angry at Suki, he knows she likely wasn’t involved directly, he knows that she didn’t realize whoever else was feeding Zuko was hurting him, but he just feels angry, she didn’t stop them, she must have known, grinding his teeth together, not saying anything in response, feeling happier than he wants to that Suki is tearing herself apart for him. That had to be good enough. Suki loved Zuko...she would destroy herself for this...she didn’t want to hurt him.

“Why did you try and kill yourself, turtleduck?” Sokka asks quietly, feeling tears roll down his cheeks. “I-I can’t ta-take anymore pain!” Zuko sobs, wrapping his arms around Suki, crying uncontrollably, gripping her tight. “Th-they’re coming f-for m-me! I-I can’t take it a-anymore! Ca-can’t d-do it again!” He continues, shaking and crying in Suki’s arms.

Sokka shifts closer to him, resting his head on Suki’s shoulder. “We’ll never let them get you again, turtleduck. I love you, everyone here loves you, we won’t let them take you again. I swear to you.” He says softly, smiling sadly at the broken man before him. 

Zuko looks up at him, terrified. “I-I can’t do it a-again, Sokka.” He whimpers, shifting, so his legs are on the grass on the other side of Suki, his abdomen is mostly on Suki’s lap, and rests his head in Sokka’s continuing to cry, clutching Suki’s hand desperately. Sokka wishes he had control over his arms right now, that he could run his fingers through Zuko’s short hair, trace the shape of his face with the tips of his fingers, refamiliarize himself with Zuko’s perfect features. That was probably the point of the ropes, to keep him from doing just that, knowing it would do nothing but scare Zuko. It hurt him so much that this was the closest he had been to him and so long but just had to watch as Zuko lay there, crying in absolute terror.

“I’m so sorry, turtleduck, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry someone could look at you and ever dream of hurting you. I’m so sorry you have been hurt so much for so long. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t protect you, that I didn’t stop them from taking you, that we didn’t find you sooner. I’m so sorry, my love.” Sokka whispers, tasting salt from his tears, feeling them dripping down his chin. He really didn’t understand how anyone who saw Zuko didn’t want to pull him into a warm hug, give him a hot meal, soothe all of his fears. He couldn’t imagine looking at the man on his lap and even considering hurting him. 

Zuko doesn’t respond, but nuzzles his face a little closer to Sokka’s stomach, seeking shelter in him. Trusting Sokka enough to touch him, to not exploit the vulnerable state Zuko was in, to protect him from harm. “I love you.” Sokka whispers. Zuko just keeps silently crying, pain and fear wracking through his bony body. Sokka had never been spiritual, but he begged any spirit listening to help and protect Zuko, no matter what it cost Sokka. He didn’t care. Zuko would be worth any price, even his own life.

  
  
  


The three of them stayed like that for a long time. Zuko’s terror slowly leaked out of him, not sure if it was because he became too exhausted to be afraid, or because he had kept his head on Sokka’s lab for an elongated period of time. Sokka didn’t even move to touch him, let alone try and hurt him. Zuko knew logically that Sokka was a good and kind man who would never intentionally hurt him. Zuko knew he had spent years with him, spending time in Sokka’s company, listening to his antics and bad jokes, traveling the world with him, letting Sokka hold and touch his naked body in moments of intimacy, never exploiting that privilege. He knew Sokka loved him and wouldn’t hurt him...but the dream was still so fresh in his mind. He could hear Sokka using the sweet names cruelly, feel him grabbing Zuko carelessly, feel Sokka forcing himself into Zuko. At least now Zuko had heart Sokka say the name without any malice in it, only affection and sadness. He had touched Sokka and received only comfort, no demand for more (not that Sokka could have, but he didn’t even try, didn’t lean over to bite him).

Suki eventually helps him back into his wheelchair. “Is it okay if I untie Sokka now? He’ll remain sitting on the ground and won’t get up to go inside until he can’t see us anymore.  _ Won’t you, Sokka. _ ” Suki Says, looking at Sokka intently with the last sentence. “Yes, I’ll do that, love.” Sokka says, smiling sadly at them. Zuko wasn’t sure if he was talking to Suki or him, but the important part was he would stay on the ground.

Zuko nods, showing he was okay with that as he pulls the blanket back over his head, not wanting to see the people in the hallways and not wanting to be seen. He feels himself begin to move, he pulls his knees up to his chest, feeling tears pricking in his eyes. He feels so helpless, it would be so easy for someone to attack him. So easy for them to take the chair, take him where they wanted him and do whatever they pleased to his weak, helpless body. Zuko wouldn’t be able to stop them, he would barely be able to call for help. He feels his body trembling, distantly hearing Suki whispering words of reassurance. He was mostly glad to hear she was the one still with him. 

He feels them come to a stop and the blanket gently lifted from his head. He looks around the familiar hospital room, letting out a shaky breath. He feels a gentle finger brushing tears from his eyes. “It’s okay, my love, it’s okay, you’re safe.” He hears Suki whisper gently. “Do you want to get back on the bed?” Zuko nods in response, not sure if he could speak right now.

She gingerly scoops Zuko into her arms, resting him on the bed, covering him with the remaining blanket. “Would you like a fresh one? This one can be washed.” Suki says, smiling at him. Zuko shakes his head quickly. It smelled like sunlight, fresh air, and grass. He wanted it. He wasn’t sure where he got the confidence to go outside the room today let alone be with Sokka, but he had it, he wasn’t sure when he would have that confidence again. He hoped it wasn’t a one time thing fueled by the promise of death if  _ they  _ got too close to him again. 

Suki shrugs, tucking the blanket around Zuko’s shoulders. “Are you thirsty, love?” Suki asks gently, Zuko nods. He watches Suki fill up a glass, handing it to him. Zuko sits up a little more, pointing at the far side of the room, not wanting Suki, or anyone else ever again for that matter, to be near him when he ate or drank. His mind still fresh with the inability to breathe as hands forced his mouth open, forcing liquids down his throat, sealing his mouth shut with their hand, forcing him to choke on what they gave him. It didn’t matter if Suki hadn’t done that to him, it still filled him with terror.

“Love, after what you did with the last glass I let you hold, I’m not stepping away from you while you have that.” Suki says, eyes full of concern. Zuko bites his lip, looking at the water, feeling the dryness in his mouth and his aching head from crying, waiting to replenish that water. He can’t. He can’t do it with Suki there. Zuko shakes his head, reluctantly putting the glass on the bedside table, turning on his side not to face Suki, ignoring everything she says as he falls into a fitful sleep. 

  
  
  


Azula walks into the hospital room, relieved to see that Zuko wasn’t tied down anymore. “How is he?” She asks Suki, who is reading a scroll on the other bed. She sits up, turning to face Azula, looking sad and tired. “He went outside today, he willingly ate, and he wanted to see Sokka and did very well when he saw him. We sat at the duck pond. Zuko wanted me to tie Sokka’s hands behind his back and I did. Zuko rested his head on his lap and stayed there for a long time. Overall, it’s been a good day. But…” Suki trails off, gripping his arm in her opposite hand looking down.

“What is it?” Azula asks, concerned. She was glad that Zuko was finally coming out of his shell a little. There was a long, long way to go, but that was something. However...something was wrong. “He made Iroh and I promise to kill him if the Fire Nation nationalists get into the hospital wing, he’ll probably demand you to promise as well. He said he’ll eat and take care of himself if we promise him this, along without trying to kill himself again.” Suki says softly. 

Azula can’t think of a single way to respond to how horrible that is, a turmoil raging inside of her. All she can manage to do is give her a curt nod. “He won’t let people be near him when he eats or drinks.” Suki continues, Azula cocks her head in confusion. “When the others were force feeding him, he couldn’t breath. W-we hurt him, Azula.” Suki says, sounding on the verge of breaking down. 

Azula looks at the ground, feeling shame wash over her. Zuko had tried to kill himself to avoid ever being tortured again. He had failed. In response, they, Azula herself included, had strapped him to the bed, terrorized him, and likely made him feel like he was being tortured again. This time at the hands of people who promised him safety and love. Zuko had just wanted to feel safe. They just pushed him into distress. “You go get some rest, Suki, I’ll watch him.” Azula finally says, unable to talk to her about this right now. Suki nods once, leaving the room. 

Azula sits on the bed next to Zuko, carding her fingers through Zuko’s hair. 

Azula had gotten used to seeing Zuko with the Fire Lord’s hair reaching down to his waist. It had now grown to about the length it was when she saw him in Ba Sing Se during the war. Zuko was once again the scared, confused boy, hiding his anguish behind anger (less consistently now).

“I’m so sorry, Zuko. I never wanted to hurt you.” She whispers to him, kissing his head. “Pl-please don’t na-name me.” She hears him whimper, curling a little more into himself, face still turned away from her, but he pushes her hand off of him. Azula had thought he had been asleep, guess not. “I’m sorry, brother.” She says quietly, hoping he would continue to rest, but he sits up slowly, bracing his arms against the mattress to aid him, still not strong enough to sit up on his own without a rush of adrenaline, it hurt her to watch.

“Ca-can you hand m-me the glass of wa-water and g-go to the other side of the r-room?” Zuko whimpers, looking at her pleadingly. She is very hesitant to do so, especially with how he had tried to kill himself. “I-I heard Suki tell you a-about her promise sh-she made me. Y-you’ll only have to w-worry about it i-if  _ they  _ get past the guards. If y-you can really protect me y-”

“I promise, brother. I mean it, you’ve been through too much. I know you can’t take anymore, and I can’t take watching you go through this process all over again...but worse. They will never fucking touch you again, no matter the cost.” Azula whispers, kissing Zuko’s forehead. She means it. She will hold Zuko in the safety of her arms, whispering words of affection and comfort, telling him how loved he is, holding her head in her hands, then snapping his neck. If  _ they  _ got in, that would be the best choice Zuko had. He would be killed no matter what if he was take. His method of death would be his captors eventually pushing him past the point of recovery, dying in agony; or, they would rescue him, and Zuko would stop at nothing to kill himself. He would never recover. There would be nothing they could ever do to convince him he was safe if he was taken again or hurt right in the palace. 

“Then I have no reason to kill myself. Y-you can watch me, I would only have time to smash the glass, I wouldn’t even get to touch the shards.” Zuko says, looking at her pleadingly. “Please Azula, I-I’m thirsty...I can’t ha-have you n-near me. I heard Suki tell you a-about that too. I do-don’t trust you.” He says, looking at her intently. Azula’s chest aches, looking at her tiny, terrified brother. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, hanging him the glass and backing up against the wall, watching him.

True to his word, Zuko drains the glass quickly, placing it back on the bedside table, allowing Azula to come back near him and take it far from his reach. “Brother...what do you need, and don’t say death. Don’t say to feel safe. Tell me something specific I can give to or do for you. Anything, and I’ll do everything in my power to do so, which is a lot. Please.” Azula whispers, reaching out slowly to touch Zuko’s face, giving him a chance to pull away. He doesn’t, but glares at her, growling. It had made sense why he had been doing that when he was strapped down, his throat probably hurt from screaming so much especially when he was forced to drink water and the days before, now it worried her. She didn’t touch him, it was obvious he was telling her to fuck off, but she was incredibally worried about him. 

“Brother…” She whispers sadly, looking at his wretched form. His mental health had taken a turn for the worst when the letter had come, and he had not surprisingly refused to speak to Iyasu (along with anyone else). She could already see him deteriorating from both. “Will you be willing to speak to Iyasu again regularly starting tomorrow?” She asks softly, sitting down on the other bed. Zuko nods curtly, face still a pinched look of anger. “I want to start speaking to her alone. I don’t want you there. She didn’t hurt me.” He says quietly, looking away from her again, curling up tighter.

“Brother, I-”

“Leave me alone, Azula. The people who didn’t hurt me who I see regularly were Toph, Suki, Iyasu and Kya.” Zuko says, sounding like he was trying to hold tears back with anger. “Brother...I am so sorry.” She whispers, moving closer to him, reaching to touch his shoulder but her hand is swatted away. “Fuck off, Azula. Don’t fucking touch me. Same with Katara and Uncle. I don’t care if he says anything about me letting him touch me before. I was just relived he gave me a plausible way out. I’m still fucking angry at him. I still don’t fucking trust him.” Zuko growls, covering himself with the blanket completely.

Azula can’t help is, she sits on the other bed, looking at her brother, crying quietly. She had helped break her brother. She had sworn to him shea would never let anything or anyone hurt him again, and she was the one who raised her hand. She wasn’t sure if Zuko’s head was more clear now, when he was with Suki and Sokka, or when uncle promised to kill him. Even if he broke down crying tomorrow when she saw him, begging for her forgivness and apologizing for what he said, reaching out to her to hold him, he meant it now. She had hurt him. She had broken him. Azula was terrified that he was never going to recover, never going to be okay again. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't hurt me  
> also 100% irrelevant: when I lay down in bed to write this, I have to hurry under the covers (bc cold) because the second i sit or lay anywhere my mom's kitty says 'its free real estate' and climbs on my lab, so this fic is cowritten with my little black kitty who tries to close my laptop while laying on it and biting and swatting at my fingers while i type.

After making Katara promise to kill him if  _ they  _ got into to hospital wing, Zuko refused to speak to his uncle, Katara, or Azula. He would barely agknowledge them. He certainly wouldn’t let them touch him. It took a lot of arguing to get Katara to agree to this. To get her to, Zuko began giving her details about what  _ they _ had done to him. How it felt to be so tired and hungry that he was sobbing, trembling, nauseous, and vision going blurry. He told her in detail how he was forced to his knees raped, humiliated, and dehumanized but he began to look forward to it because it meant he didn’t have to stand. He had told her how his own father had raped him and made him believe that was love, that part of him still belived it. He told her how it felt to whipped, body pulled so tight he couldn’t breath. How it felt to be burned to the point he was terrified of his own element. How it felt to have to look at faces of people he knew that he was close to and now only have a few memories of them because he was drugged but be absolutely terrified of them. 

Katara had begged him to stop, but Zuko had just began screaming, his voice going in and out, still badly damaged. He had started throwing things at her, anything he could reach. He was so angry at her, so angry that she wasn’t willing to protect him but was willing to hurt him at his most vulnerable point when bound and terrified. Near the end of her shift she finally broke down crying, saying she would. Zuko knew he should feel bad about what he’d done, he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t care. He was just glad she would kill him if it became necessary. 

Now he just lays on the bed, turned away from her, listening to her crying softly. He knows she’ll leave soon. When she leaves he’ll have to put up with uncle. Iroh wasn’t going to listen to his contempt, Zuko knew it. He wasn’t going to believe that Zuko was truly angry at him, believe that he had truly hurt him. That just made Zuko angrier at him. He needed uncle to know what he had done. He wanted uncle to suffer like he had forced Zuko to. He was so fucking angry at everyone. He didn’t want to be this angry but he was. 

Eventually he hears uncle’s voice as the door opens. He hears him talking to Katara, he was concerned with why she was crying. “It’s Zuko. He wanted me to promise about killing him if they get in...he’s being so awful.” He hears her say before he hears the door slam marking her departure. Zuko doesn’t turn around to face or great uncle.

“Nephew?” He hears Iroh says softly, concerned. He hears his footsteps coming near him and then feels the bed dip down from their weight of another person sitting on the bed. Zuko flinches a little. He feels Iroh’s large, strong hand touch his arm, Zuko shoves it off of him as he feels fear rise in his chest, not wanting to be touched, especially by Iroh. He hadn’t react that strongly to either Azula or Katara, he wasn’t sure why he was reacting this way to uncle, they had all done the same thing to him. With Katara and Azula, it was pure contempt, with Iroh, contempt was there too, but the second he was touched, Zuko had been filled with horror. 

“Nephew, please...I’m sorry.” He hears Iroh say, beginning to wrap his arms around Zuko’s body, kissing his cheek, lips barely touching the corner of his mouth. Zuko shoves him and begins struggling wildly in Iroh’s grip as he is lifted, pulled to uncle’s chest. Zuko begins clawing at uncle’s face, seeing blood as he leaves marks with his nails, biting his arm, tasting blood as he breaks the skin. Zuko feels his body being released back onto the bed and sees uncle back away from him, looking shocked and hurt. Zuko growls at him. “D-don’t f-fucking to-touch m-me.” 

“Nephew, wh-”

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch. Me.” He hisses, glaring at Iroh, tears stinging in his eyes, whole body trembling in horror. Uncle’s eyes slowly scan over Zuko’s shaking body, he feels so sick he might throw up if he had anything in his stomach. A terrible realization comes over Zuko, making his blood run cold. Uncle had offered him so much kindness and affection when the others wouldn’t hold him like he needed to be held. Uncle had given him safety and warmth. In the past few days, Zuko had become more of a burden. He had tried to kill himself in Iroh’s arms, he had reacted with anger and violence. Uncle wanted to be paid back for what he had given Zuko. Iroh wanted his body. It’s why he was looking at him like that, Zuko can’t look at his eyes, he can’t bear the memory of hunger in uncle’s eyes as he had seen in the men’s an fathers as they looked at his weak, helpless body. Why else would he be looking at him so intently, looking over his limps, his stomach, not just his face. Zuko wants to cry.

“Nephew...” Iroh whispers, holding a hand to his face where the largest cut was, looking at him, still examining him. Iroh knows how weak Zuko is right now, he knows how easily he could be physically manipulated in his large, strong hands, leaving hand shaped bruises and burns all over his broken body. Zuko feels panic building in him, finding it difficult to breath as he looks at uncle in horror. He could already feel how horrible it was going to be. It was going to send waves of anxiety though Zuko’s body when uncle touched him anywhere in anyway, memories of liquids being forced down his throat, stopping him from breathing by his hand. Then it was going to get so much worse. He didn’t know what position uncle would want him in, he didn’t know if he was going to be rough or gentle when he forced his way into Zuko’s body, if he was going to force him to orgasm, if he was going to humiliate him for any sound he might make. Every possibility plays in Zuko’s mind as Iroh takes a slow step closer to him.

Zuko lets out a loud yelp, kicking his leg out at Iroh to keep him away, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Nephew, please it’s okay, calm down.” He hears uncle say softly. Zuko just cries louder, flailing his arms and legs out, kicking the air, the only thing he does is cause himself to topple off the bed, landing painfully on the ground, yelping in pain. 

He sees Iroh come around the other side of the bed, cornering him against the wall and the bed, Zuko lets out a sob of fear lashing out at uncle, and then a cry of pain when he moves, clutching his right arm to his chest, crying. “St-stay a-away fr-from m-me! D-don’t to-touch me!” He sobs, shrinking back into the corner, shaking violently, arm throbbing. “What do you need nephew, please tell me.” He hears uncle say softly, sounding sad, but doesn’t seem to move closer. There is so much Zuko wants right now, he doesn’t know what top say. He just feels like a scared little boy again lost in the world. “I-I want m-mom!” he sobs, unsure where that had come from, but that is when his life became so much worse, the night she had disappeared. He no longer had anyone to protect him from father’s cruelty, no one to sooth the burns he had created on his son’s body for failing, no one to put him back together as he broke. 

He watches uncle walk away from him for a little, coming back into view about a minute later, sitting cross legged on the far side of the room, still across from Zuko. Zuko just continues to cry, he wants to hide his face from the world but is sure that the moment that he does, Iroh will grab him. He’ll be punished for seeking security in himself thinking he could walk away from Iroh. He’ll be repaid for the kindness he had shown Zuko the past several week. If he did that, Zuko would lose the last shred of his soul left. He was too scared right now to be able to bare it, uncle would take the last piece of Zuko left, leaving him an empty husk full of pain. He couldn’t bear that. 

After awhile, he sees a woman come into view, she says something to Iroh, and he leaves. She slowly begins to move towards Zuko, causing him to flinch violently. “Hey love, it’s okay, I won’t hurt you. Can I hold your hand?” She asks softly. Zuko slowly extends his good hand, squinting through his tears at her face. “M-mom?” He whimpers as she takes his trembling hand in her steady ones. “No, love, it’s Kya.” He hears her whisper, her voice soft, familiar. “Kya.” he repeats, turning the name in his mouth, the memories of her tending to his wounds, soothing him, coxing him to eat with kind words and gently touches. 

“Can I pick you up, sweetie? I just want to put you back on the bed. I would like to look at your arm, I won’t make show me if you don’t want, okay?” She says, looking at him. Zuko nods tentatively, letting out a small whimper of fear when he feels one arm move around his back and the other under his knees, lifting him gently off the ground. True to her word, she places him on the bed, shifting him so he is able to sit up comfortably, propped up against pillows. 

“Can I look at your arm? If you change your mind later all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will. I just want to look at it and make sure it is just a sprain that just needs rest and time and nothing too serious that needs medical attention. Is that okay with you?” She asks softly, touching his cheek gently, brushing away his tears with her thumbs. Zuko bites his lip, thinking bout it for a moment before nodding. Kya had never once hurt him. She was a mother. She was like his mother. It had been so long since anyone had seen her and he missed her so much. His life would be so different if she hadn’t disappeared. 

Kya gently takes his arm in her hand, slowly running her fingers over the damaged area, moving his arm slowly. Zuko winces regularly as he feels pain from the movements, but stays silent and doesn’t move away. It’s far from the worst pain in his life, it doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt, that he isn’t scared. “There you go, sweetie.” Kya says, gently letting Zuko’s arm go, helping him rest it on a pillow. “It’s a bad sprain. It will heal on its own, but you rely on your arms a lot for support when sitting up or moving in bed. It will heal faster if you let me wrap it. Compression is good for sprains. It won’t cut off blood flow, it won’t hurt, it will be easy to remove if you want to. It that okay with you, sweetie?” Kya asks, giving Zuko a sad, but friendly smile. He nods once.

Kya disappears from his line of sight for about a minute. During that time, he closes his eyes, pushing the thoughts that he had a chance to kill himself out of his mind. He wouldn’t be able to do it successfully. He would only succeed in hurting himself and making healers strap him down again. They would choke him again. He would be helpless again as they did whatever they wanted to his body to keep it alive. He shutters at the memory. “Hey, are you okay, sweetie?” He hears Kya say, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He feels her hand come to his face, gently brushing tears away. He didn’t know he had been crying either. Zuko swallows, nodding once. 

He holds out his arm slowly, and Kya begins the task of wrapping it in strong, stretchy cloth. “Do you mind if I ask what happened? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want.” She says quietly, still wrapping. Zuko swallows, looking away. “I-I wa-was g-getting a-away fr-from uncle. H-He k-kept trying t-to touch m-me. G-got scared.” He whimpers. He doesn’t look at Kya’s reaction, relived when she finishes his arm, allowing him to pull it back to his chest. 

“You two had always been so close. Did he do something to you? Did her hurt you?” He can hear the concern in Kya’s voice. Zuko shrugs, not sure how to tell her that he knew what uncle had wanted. Not sure how to say it. He was humiliated that he hadn’t thought about needing to pay uncle back. He just doesn’t say anything “Do you not want him to come back here until you say so?” Kya asks after a long silence. Zuko nods vigorously, feeling as if he might not have to pay the price for uncle’s love for awhile, if at all. If he did have to eventually, touch may not be so horrible, he may find comfort in it like he had before. He would be able to pay the price without losing himself completely. “Pl-please.” He whimpers desperately. “I-I do-don’t want t-to see him.” He says, clutching Kya’s arm with his good hand. “Okay, love, I’ll make it happen.” She says quietly, kissing Zuko’s head softly. 

He feels her stand to leave and his heart begin to break as she does, tightening his grip on her arm, looking at her pleadingly. “Pl-please do-don’t g-go. Can’t b-be alone r-right n-now. W-will y-you sl-sleep w-with me?” He practically begs. He hadn’t slept alone since his rescue. Even when he was strapped down, someone was next to him all night, sitting there, rubbing his stomach, touching his hair, whispering soft, kind words. 

Kya looks at him for a long moment, looking very unsure. Zuko feels his heart racing in fear, not sure if he could be alone right now. He needed someone in the bed with him. Someone who would hold him, protect him, make him feel safe even if it was a lie. It was what he needed right now. He couldn’t bear it if Kya said no, he would understand, he wouldn’t say anything else, but he needed her to say yes. He feels himself trembling violently, gazing at her face but not meeting her eyes, still having trouble with that. 

“Do you want to be held?” She finally asks, sitting back down. Zuko nods, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks. He lets out a small sob of relief when Kya helps him lay down, pulling his head close to hers, rubbing his back as her arms encircle him. “Th-thank you.” He whimpers, gently resting his injured arm on top of Kya as to not have it reagrivated in the night. He nuzzles a little closer to her, feeling her hand gently rub his back as he drifts into a sleep plagued with nightmares, crying softly. 

  
  
  
  


Kya barely slept that night. She would close her eyes for a moment but then wake up in a mild panic, terrified she was going to wake up covered in Zuko’s blood. She never did. Occasionally she would hear him whimper softly in his sleep, but he didn’t wake up, he didn’t try anything. He had to be exhausted after everything in the past few days. She couldn’t believe that this young man came from the royal family. The family that had brought so much pain and suffering to the world. He family that had torn Kya’s apart directly. The family that would have a man do this to his own child. She had long since stopped worrying about Zuko hurting Sokka, about this being some long con of his to have the throne and get close to world leaders. She was now more worried about Sokka doing something to hurt Zuko, he wouldn’t be able to take anymore.

She didn’t think Sokka would ever do anything intentionally to hurt him, Sokka was a kind and caring young man. She was proud of who he had become. It’s just Sokka was sometimes oblivious to other people’s emotions and boundaries, she would worry he would push past one of the strange and fragile boundaries Zuko has around him. She knew it didn’t take much to fighten him. He had been terrified of Iroh, the man who had taken care of him for so long. The man who had held him almost every night, soothing his fears. The man who Zuko trusted more than anyone suddenly with no warning and no clear reason became someone Zuko was terrified of. 

Kya didn’t know what to think of that, hopefully he would open up to Iyasu, he had in the past. Kya had sat in with a few sessions with Zuko when he had started channeling his fear into anger and taking it out on Katara and, even more often, Azula. Kya knew that Zuko lashed out them a lot, protecting himself with cruelty. She had held Katara on multiple occasions while she cried that things Zuko had said and done. She wasn’t sure if she should be angry at him. Her chest just ached for both of them, knowing everyone was hurting.

Kya stays with him all night, not sleeping, gently rubbing his back, kissing his head, whispering encouragement to him as he slept in her arms. She is relived when Iyasu come into the room, meaning she would be able to leave, get some rest, forget about this for a little. “Azula told be he is willing to speak to me again...is something wrong with Iroh? He’s just usually the one with him at night.” She says, cocking her head at Kya.

Kya slowly sits up, shushing Zuko gently when he whimpers at her movement, pulling his head into her lab so he wouldn’t feel abandoned, relived when he settle back down. “He freaked out on Iroh last night. I’m not sure what happened and Iroh isn’t sure what triggered it. Iroh told me that he had done nothing out of the ordinary. He had touched Zuko’s arm and tried to hug him. Apparently when he doesn’t want to be touched, Zuko will just gently push Iroh away, giving him a chance to put Zuko back down and step away, but apparently he started screaming, clawing at Iroh’s face and biting him. He had let Zuko go, tried to get him to calm down and he wouldn’t stop flailing ad screaming, and fell off the bed. He sprained his arm pretty bad, that’s why it’s wrapped, but it’s nothing some time and rest won’t fix. When Iroh tried to touch him to help him back up on the bed Zuko completely freaked out on him which is when he sent for me. It took me a few minutes to get Zuko to allow me to pick him up, but he did. He let me wrap his arm and when I asked him what had happened, he said that Iroh had scared him when he was trying to touch him and that he didn’t want to see his uncle again. I have no idea what caused this.” Kya says, looking at Iyusa who looks deeply concerned and disturbed. 

“Do you mind staying until he wakes up?” Iyusa eventually asks. “He doesn’t like it when he’s with a different person from when he went to sleep with, usually he just needs to be reassured, but he’s in a fragile mental state. I don’t want to test the waters.” Kya nods solemnly, running her fingers through Zuko’s black hair. “I’m worried about him.” She confesses, looking at Iyusa nervously. “We all are...he needs a lot of help and I don’t know what he needs, he doesn’t know what he needs...I don’t know what to do to really help him. What’s causing a lot of his fear are the nationalists threatening him...I can’t do anything about them. I can only help him recover from the past which may not even be fully over.” 

The two women is in silence for what feels like moments and hours simultaneously, watching the broken man who laid before them rest for the first time in days, flinching and whimpering slightly throughout it, soothing him as best the could. Eventually, his eyes flicker and he groans slightly, trying to sit up with the help of one arm, finding it difficult as his dominate arm was damaged, his back was in a lot of pain, and he had lost almost all strength in his abdomen. 

Kya gently touches his shoulders, pushing him upright. “Did you sleep well?” She asks, touching his cheek. Zuko nods silently, looking at Iyasu. “Azula had said you don’t want her to be with you during sessions anymore, do you want Kya here with you?” Iyasu asks, Kya really hopes he doesn’t, being around Zuko was taxing in general. His therapy sessions were completely draining, hearing what had been done to him, hearing how he felt now, watching him break down is terror at his memories and fears of what others may do to him now. It was going to be worse today now that he had been directly threatened by the same group who had done this to him, and a testament as to his mental state was how he had freaked out on Iroh for no clear reason. 

“N-no...just want it to be you.” She hears him says softly, hating herself for how relived she is that she won’t have to hear what he has to say. Iyasu moves her head towards the door, indicating that it was time for Kya to leave, she nods in response. “Thank you for trusting me to help you, sweetie.” Kya says softly, kissing the top of Zuko’s head as she slowly moves off the bed. “Th-thank you for being k-kind to me.” Zuko says softly, looking at her with a soft smile. “You deserve kindness.” She replies before leaving the room. 

  
  
  
  


This was bad. Iroh had been a constant for Zuko for over a month now and suddenly Zuko had thrown him out. It wasn’t a normal burst of anger of Zuko taking his pain and frustration out on the people around him because that is something he could understand. From what it sounded like, Zuko had reacted in absolute terror to Iroh. This was really, really bad. 

“I was told that you saw Sokka yesterday, how did that go?” Iyasu says, wanting to start with the positive. She knew that relapses happened but this was severe and very irregular. Zuko had had the confidence to see Sokka and then hours later screamed in terror at Iroh, especially because she wasn’t informed of anything going particularly poorly with Sokka. She did know however that he fought with Azula and completely lost his shit on Katara.

Zuko nods, pulling his knees up and resting his chin on them before wrapping a blanket around his shoulders. “S-suki brought me to the turtleduck pond. It was nice t-to be outside again. M-missed it.” He whispers sadly, blinking slowly. “Sokka came out as well, h-he let Suki tie his hands be-behind his back, didn’t argue, h-he knew it ma-makes me feel safer. Three of us talked for awhile. I put my head on h-his lap. H-he didn’t even try anything, didn’t complain about his ha-hands.” Zuko says softly, still not making eye contact with her. He had never mentioned my he didn’t make eye contact, she wasn’t sure he Zuko knew the reason or if he even noticed he was doing it. He always refused no matter what. 

“Thats good, do you think you can trust him?” Iyasu says, smiling hopefully. Zuko shrugs. “M-maybe? He’s kind.” Well, that was a start. Better than it had been since he was rescued. “Thats good, Sokka loves you very much. Suki told me he was happy you let him see him again.” She says softly, that was true. Iyasu regularly talked to Iroh, Azula, Katara, Toph, Suki, and sometimes Kya about how Zuko was doing and what had happened while they were watching him. It made her job easier and made it so Zuko didn’t have to go over everything that had happened, he didn’t always like to talk much.

“If you don’t want to talk about this, I understand...but what happened with Iroh last night? Did he do something in particular? I won’t do anything to anyone, I just want to understand...I don’t.” She says, looking at Zuko with knitted eyebrows. “Iyasu?” Zuko whispers after a minute of silence. “Hmm?”

“Ca-can you please t-tell them t-to stop strapping m-me down? I-I can’t d-do it again. Th-they hurt me last time.” He whimpers quietly. Iyasu feels her heart stop for a moment. “What did they do to you? Who hurt you? How?” She asks, feeling nauseous. She had allowed Zuko to be strapped down, she was the one who had said it was okay to continue. It clearly hadn’t been. He looks so small and scared. “S-some of th-the healers, Azula, Katara, and uncle. Di-didn’t wanna eat...th-they forced me. I-it was usually t-too hot, burned, a-and I-I couldn’t br-breath. I kept ch-coking a-and could’t breath. G-got t-too sc-scared t-to h-hold still, ma-made i-it worse. S-same w-with water.” She hears Zuko cry, watching in dismay as tears begin to roll down his cheeks, shaking violently. 

“Hey, hey...it’s alright. I’ll make it very clear that they’re never to strap you down again...what do you want them to do when you get violent? You sometimes go into these fits of rage, I’ve only seen them personally twice, but you start hurting yourself. You scratch, punch, and bite yourself, you slam your head against the wall, if anyone tries to touch them you attacke them in a similar maner. Just allowing you to hurt yourself isn’t an option, what would you like them to do instead of strapping you down.” 

“Drug me. They drugged me before and strapped me down. Drug me.” He says far too quickly, looking at Iyasu desperately. “That’s not a good idea, y-”

“Please, Iyasu. I can’t be strapped down again. I-I can’t take it, I can deal with being drugged. W-we can come u-up with a better idea i-in the future...I-I just can’t be strapped down again, ever. Please.” He practically begs, meaning forward, tears in his eyes. “Pl-please. I-it won’t be as bad.” Iyasu lets out a long sigh, really not liking this idea. She couldn’t deny Zuko autonomy, especially after telling her this and begging her. “Okay. People are going to shoot ideas at you. You have to be open to them or you have to start working on anger management with me more intensely.” Zuko nods, making himself as small as possible while still looking at her. 

They sit in silence for a long time, Zuko still shaking a little, calming himself down. She wasn’t sure if she should push the topic of Iroh. Sometimes Zuko brought up something new when he was avoiding the question or when he knew the question would overwhelm him, making it so he couldn’t say anything else after. When he did choose to talk about it, he would be direct. He had seemed to quickly find that being vague caused for more questions, directness allowed him minimal words and less time talking. She is still completely taken aback by what Zuko says next, horror and nausea filling her when he does. “Iroh wants to fuck me. I-I’m scared...I can’t.” 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, merry (pretty much) Christmas, here is y'all's gift because I probably won't be able to write tomorrow. We celebrate with my dad on xmas eve and its far more casual but my mom is the only one left in the family with Christmas spirit...so idk what to expect.

Zuko tries to calm his heart rate and his breathing, he wants to be able to tell Iyasu exactly what uncle wants with him. He wants to tell her, no matter how ashamed he feels, so she can help protect him. He isn’t sure if he could look at any of the others and tell them this. But he needs them to know. He needs them to keep Iroh away. He needs uncle to understand that Zuko  _ will  _ pay him back for his kindness, he just can’t now. He can’t bear it. Zuko isn’t sure if uncle will be impatient now and by the time he finds out, it may be too late. It isn’t like Zuko is hard to silence or hold in a certain position. Iroh would definitely be capable of manipulating his pathetically weak body without much effort. Uncle had the longest shift with him, he could take so much time taking whatever he wanted from Zuko, he couldn't bear it. 

“I’m sorry for sounding so unprofessional...but what the actual fuck?” He hears Iyasu say, looking at him in horror, eyes wide, mouth slightly open, body unnaturally rigid and still. Zuko bites his lip, tasting blood, unsure of the best way to explain this would be. Zuko had quickly learned that being direct was the best was to approach these sessions. It made it so he was able to talk about what he needed to in a much shorter period of time, that he didn’t need to speak as much, and so Iyasu had a better understanding of him. He wanted to feel safe again, not be so easily taken over by terror or anger, he wanted his memories back, he wanted to be okay again. What ever that meant.

Zuko takes a deep breath, feeling a tear roll down his cheek as he closes his eyes. “Iroh has b-been kind to me this whole time. He’s held me a-and loved me when the others wouldn’t. He would a-always come back and st-still be the same after I yelled at him or hurt him. I even tried t-to kill myself in his arms. I know that I don’t deserve to be loved like that...I know for things like me...I have to pay for it. I’ve become a burden more than I have been lately. I-Iroh wants to be paid back...h-he wants my body...I-I know how this works, I’ve known this was coming. I-I just always assumed that he would allow me to i-initiate when I-I was better. He seems to really want me better and would wa-want to wait until then anyways. Pl-please...do-don’t let him in here...I-I can’t do it right now...I-I won’t have anything left of myself if he wants me now. Tell him I will pay him back. Tell him I-I’ll be so g-good for him, I’ll so wh-whatever he wants...I-I just can’t do i-it now pl-please y-you have t-to protect m-me pl-please do-do-o-n’t le-let hi-i-m touch m-me. Pl-please...I can’t…” He sobs, trailing of into tears, wrapping himself in his arms, allowing himself to break down. 

Zuko doesn’t hear Iyasu speak for a long time. When he finally looks at her again, he sees that she is crying. “Wh-what’s wrong ma’am?” He asks quietly, wiping his eyes with the ball of his hand. “I know what was done to you...I understand that you were forced to believe that love is something you earn through pain. I know what your father did to you...I’m sure you have left some of the details out but what you have told me...it’s horrible. Ozai was a horrible man, barely even to be considered a man. I know you have very mixed feelings about him still, no matter what we have talked about. Iroh isn’t like that. He loves you how he should. He loves you how you deserve to be loved. He loves you...just because he does. I can assure you, Iroh doesn’t want to touch you like that even if you wanted him to. Him holding you like he has been what he wants that as much as you do if not more. That is how he wants to love you. I promise you.” She whispers.

Zuko shakes his head violently. He didn’t like how Iyasu talked about father, how any of them did. They didn’t understand. “Y-you still don’t understand father. He was allowing me to rest, to eat, to be loved. I was being trained, I needed to be a better son, I disappointed him, I-”

“Ozai never wanted you to be a better son. He was holding you for ransom. He had you kidnapped and tortured you as an incentive for your friends to give into his demands faster. He wanted you broken so you wouldn’t come back after the throne. What he wanted was his bending back and then likely fight Iroh for the throne in an Agni Kai. Ozai didn’t care about training you, you were just a part of getting what he wanted. He didn’t love you, ever. Iroh does, he would-”

“Don’t talk about father like that!” Zuko snaps, feeling fury building inside of him. People always said so many horrible things about father. Sometimes Zuko believed them and even agreed, sometimes her partially did, and sometimes he outright rejected them. “Father. Loved. Me.” he growls, tears rolling down his cheeks. “He m-may have been holding me for ransom...but he would ha-have taken m-me with him. I-I would have s-served a-at his feet wh-where I belong. I-I was taken from him.” Zuko says forcefully, shaking with anger. 

“Zuko, lo-”

“Don’t name me! Father didn’t want me to be named! He said I didn’t deserve to me named! He said I didn’t deserve love! I needed to pay for it! He was always right! Always honest with me!  _ Always. _ ” He cries out, leaning forward. Iyasu doesn't even blink. “He gave you that name, he must wa-”

“He took it away! He can take anything away from me or give me anything that he wants whenever and however he wants! I don’t care that he’s dead! I belong to father! He owns me! I will not disobey his wishes, I love him! I need him! He knows what I deserve and as different as he and uncle are, uncle knows what I deserve now to! It isn’t hard to see!” Zuko practically shrieks, growing more and more hysterical with every sentence. His mind is growing fuzzy, but he can see father’s face so clearly in his mind. It’t the only clear thing. He  _ needs  _ father. He needs father to hold him, to tell him exactly what he is worth, to be honest with him, to physically restrain him, giving Zuko less options. He needs less options, he is less likely to choose the wrong one and disappoint people, especially father. Zuko needs father inside of him, filling him, loving him, giving him rest and purpose. He just needs father here to help things make sense again.

“You’re going into one of your fits. I don’t want to have to drug you. Can you do the breathing exercises we worked on together?” Zuko hears Iyasu say distantly, he feels himself nodding, still trembling violently. He hears her voice, guiding him through long inhale, holding his breath, long exhale, holding his breath, and then repeating with a long inhale. Zuko feels his heart rate steadily decline, his body stop shaking, his mind clear. 

Zuko is still absolutely furious, but he’s in control again. He isn’t losing his mind to anger. Zuko lets out a final breath, opening his eyes to look at Iyasu. “Please don’t speak ill of father. You just don’t understand.” Zuko says softly.

“I understand perfectly well. I understand that your father brainwashed you to a extreme extent. I have been trying to make your transition easier. You were tortured for short of four months, you were rescued a little over a month ago, you have lost five months of your life. It has been a month and you still haven’t pulled away from Ozai. I was originally trying to let you talk about Ozai how you pleased and when seeing how the others treated you without any strings attached for you to understand what he had done wasn’t love. That clearly isn’t working. I’m not going to let you praise that evil man. He is the worst man to walk the face of the earth. There is nothing that you can do to defend him that will change my mind. All you can do is solidify my opinion in him. You have to understand your father is evil, that what he did to you wasn’t an act of love. It was rape, which is one of the cruelest acts of violence someone can do. He was an evil wan who should be scorned. H-”

Zuko doesn’t remember making the decision to do this, he just feels his hands wrapped around Iyasu’s throat, screaming at her, tears and the color red blinding him. “Shut the fuck up! Shut up! He was perfect! He was kind! He cared about me he just wanted me to be better! Fuck you! Shut the fuck up!” he hears himself scream, trying to wring her neck.

Instead, he feels her long, thin, strong hands wrap round his wrists, pushing him away as she removes her hands from his throat. Zuko just shrieks louder, spiting at her, trying to get closer but is held at an arms length. Zuko feels his energy draining from him no matter how hard he fights until he exhausts himself, collapsing on the bed. 

“Your father was evil, he was was cruel. He deserves worse than what he got.” Were the last words he hears before drifting off into a restless sleep, dreams of his father leaving him behind, the detailed memories of father’s face fading from his mind as he is left in the cold and dark, no light to guide him, not flame to warm him. Father is gone. Zuko is alone in the dark world. He is forgotten and unloved. It is his right. 

  
  
  
  


Iroh and Hakoda sit together in Iroh’s office, Hakoda doing the vast majority of the talking. Hakoda was mostly there for moral support and to make sure that Iroh didn’t start drinking himself into oblivion. Iroh has been teaching Hakoda how to play Pai Sho the past few weeks and he is starting to get the hang of it. Iroh easily forgets that this game isn’t particularly common in the water tribes despite the fact that it is popular everywhere else. Usually their games consist of Hakoda cursing at Iroh or telling surprisingly vulgar jokes. Iroh also easily forgets that water tribe humor is significantly more vulgar than the in the Earth Kingdoms or especially the Fire Nation. Hakoda had been trying to cheer him up or at least take Iroh’s mind off of Zuko for the better part of two hours. It was working to a degree, his mood had improved.

There is a knock at the door. “Come in.” Iroh says without thinking, moving his piece to corner Hakoda. Iyasu walks into the room and Iroh feels his stomach drop, feeling absolutely sick. Iyasu only sought him out when she had news about Zuko. It was likely going to be about why Zuko had reacted the way that he had. It was likely going to unveil another horror at what Zuko had endured by his father’s hand.

“Hakoda...you’re close to Zuko and I have seen you show physical affection to Sokka, Katara, Aang, Suki, and tried to with Toph, I would assume that you do the same with Zuko, yes?” she inquires. Hakoda gives her a look that is as confused as Iroh feels. “Uh...yes. Why?” He says after a few moments of silence. “I’m sure you have a general sense of what happened between Iroh and Zuko recently.” She says, sitting down. Hakoda nods. “He completely freaked out on Iroh for not apparent reason.” He says sadly. Iyasu nods.

“You don’t have to say to hear this, but I think you should. Zuko will eventually learn to trust you again but I don’t know how long that will be and how much he will trust you. It’s bad...do you want to hear it?” Iyasu asks, raising an eyebrow. Iroh is relieved when he sees his friend nod, he really didn’t want to be alone when he hears how Ozai had torn his boy apart, making it so he could become swallowed in terror at Iroh’s presence in mere minutes with no distinct cause. Iroh moves closer to Hakoda sighs as Iyasu pulls out notes she had taken during her session with Zuko. Hakoda rests his hand on Iroh’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile despite the nervousness in his eyes. 

“I’m sure your aware that Zuko was told that he didn’t deserve to eat and to ‘earn it’ he had to cut himself and he was fed in return.” Iroh swallows nervously, taking Hakoda’s hand that was’t on his shoulder in his own, nodding. “I’m also sure your aware that Zuko was regularly sexually assaulted by everyone who was holding him hostage along with Ozai.” She says softly, wiping at her eye, refusing to let her tears fall. Iroh doesn’t care if anyone sees him cry anymore, his boy had been hurt so intimately and horribly for so long. It broke Iroh just to think about. He nods again. 

“From what it sounds like, Ozai would hold and comfort Zuko when he was near a point of completely shattering much like how you do. He then would tell Zuko that he didn’t deserve to be loved like this and had to pay for Ozai’s kindness. He had to repay him with his body...Iroh, I know you would never touch Zuko like that, but that’s what he thinks you want. He isn’t operating on logic right now, I’m not sure how he came to this conclusion but he is seeing it as fact. A lot of our session was him begging me to tell you that he would let you do whatever you wanted to him at a later date and that he couldn’t bear it right now. He doesn’t understand that all the affection you have been showing him was because you love him and wanted to hold him. I don’t know what to do.” 

Iroh barely hears Iyasu as she continues. He has completely broken down on Hakoda’s broad shoulder, feeling his hand on the back of his head, sobbing. It hurt so much that Zuko could ever think that Iroh would want that from his...especially just to take it. Iroh feels Hakoda shaking rhythmically under him.  _ He must be crying too.  _ Iroh thinks, but doesn’t have it in him to look up to see if that is the case. 

“I’m sorry, Iroh...he doesn’t want to see you anymore. He thinks your going to attack him. I can ask if he would be willing to see you if there were other people in the room ready to fight you or if your hands were bound or both. You could try and talk to him. He really needs you right now. You were one of the people he was closest to outside of Sokka and Suki.” Iroh nods, unable to talk. Unable to say anything now that he knows his nephew, the boy who had been so hurt by the world and turned to Iroh as his only form of comfort for three years was scared of him. That his nephew, no, his _son_ thought that after everything they had been through together that Iroh would ever demand anything for his kindness. That Zuko was completely convinced that not only did Iroh want to touch him like that, but would assault him for it. He couldn’t stop crying. 

“Hakoda, when Zuko begins to trust you again...please be very carful how you touch him and under what circumstances, even if it is invited. I’m sure you don’t want him thinking you would want Zuko to think you would ever do that to him.” He hears Iyasu say distantly, followed by Hakoda’s head shifting as he nods.

He hears the door close and feels Hakoda hold him tighter. There relationship may have not existed for all that long, but Iroh wasn’t sure what he would do right now without Hakoda’s friendship. He just lets the younger man hold him as he sobs, praying that he could take on any amount of Zuko’s burden, no matter what it cost him. Zuko  _ needed  _ to be okay, he needed to be safe.

  
  
  
  


Sokka isn’t sure what had happened between Iroh and Zuko, but he knew it hadn’t been good. He also knew that after being strapped down and being force fed, Zuko had refused to speak to or be touched by Katara or Azula but allowed them in the room. Sokka had assumed that Zuko had initially gone off on Iroh for the same reason but it seemed too extreme based on what he had heard, it sounded like Zuko was absolutely terrified of Iroh, not just angry. Sokka had assumed it was because Iroh was a man taking away Zuko’s autonomy...but if that were the case he wouldn’t have been as okay with seeing Sokka, but he was. Not just directly after he was allowed to sit up, but during Suki’s shift as well.

Sokka had been surprised when he had been told that Zuko wanted him in the hospital wing. He had come in to find Suki sitting on the foot of Zuko’s bed, talking to him softly as Zuko sat with his chin resting on his knees. Zuko had looked at him with anxiety, but not fear, and barely flinched...which was an improvement. It’s not like the bar was particularly high to begin with. Sokka hadn’t been surprised when Zuko had wanted Sokka’s hands tied. They were tied in front of him with about eight inches to work with and about a foot and a half of space from where they were tied from the bed frame. He is finally able to sit with Zuko and just talk to him, see him again.

Zuko was still refusing to eat or drink when anyone was too close to him, they had to be on the other side of the room. When Suki had convinced him to eat, she had untied Sokka from the bed (hands still bound in front of him) and brought him to the other side of the room while they watched Zuko struggle to eat a pitifully small bowl of spicy noodles with bean sprouts and kimono chicken. Sokka had watched Zuko struggle to reach for a glass of water that was on the far side of his bedside table and Suki had begun walking forward to help him when Zuko had shirked and thrown his bowl at her, curling up on himself and trembling.

_ That  _ was going to be a really big problem. Zuko was skinny. Far, far,  _ far,  _ too skinny. He struggled with eating before he was taken, like really struggled. Iyasu said it was called an eating disorder but figuring out exactly what had caused it and if it may spring up again was the least of her worries with Zuko’s current state. His body still wasn’t reacting well to harsher foods as well considering Zuko mostly ate very liquidy meals (such as his noodles and broth) and rice. Due to the muzzle, Zuko now had a really big fear of things being forced into his mouth, sometimes that fear had translated to not being able to eat even before he had been force fed. Now...Zuko had all of these issues on top of the fact people had to be away from him while he ate or drank. Zuko was really, really sick.

Now they all sit quietly in the room, the noodles cleaned up, Zuko refusing to eat anything else but calming himself down. Suki is back at the foot of Zuko’s bed, watching him sadly, and Sokka is sitting in a chair on the side of the bed, hands tied to the frame again. “I-I’m sorry.” He finally hears Zuko say softly. “It’s okay, love, I should have known better than to walk towards you while you were eating. It’s my fault, not yours. If you really want to blame someone for this, blame Ozai.” She says with so much sadness in her voice, resting a hand on Zuko’s knee.

Sokka isn’t sure what mood Zuko is in right now about his father, it is apparently really difficult to tell. Apparently, sometimes he will defend Ozai until he breaks down sobbing and choking, sometimes he doesn’t care, and sometimes he is so upset with Ozai he’s breakdown anyways with anguish at the mention of him. That last one apparently is the least common. Luckily, it looks like now it is the second as he just nods once solemnly, not looking at Suki or Sokka, just dead ahead at nothing past them. 

“Turtleduck...it’s okay...you’re okay here. We love you so much.” Sokka whispers, leaning a little closer to Zuko, wishing he could touch him right now. He wishes that he could wrap Zuko up in his arms, whisper how much he was loved in his ear, press kisses to his face, his neck, his body, whispering praise and affection the entire time. He wishes that something like that would be an intimate moment that Zuko would love and cherish like he once had, possibly ending with Zuko begging him to make love to him. Now...that would just terrify him. 

“I-I love you too.” He says after a long moment. He moves so that he is sitting cross legged and moves so he is directly next to Suki and in front of Sokka. He looks at Suki for a long moment, eyes flitting between her lips and her hands before touching her cheek with his left hand, right still bandaged and being kept relatively still. “Can I kiss you?” He asks quietly, almost looking as if he were blushing a little. 

Suki looks at him dumbly for a moment before nodding, leaning forward slowly. “Wait!” He says, a small bit of panic in his voice and breath which seems to quickly dissipate when Suki immediately complies. “Pl-please don’t move...you can kiss me back if you want...but no tongue or teeth and please don’t grab me. I need to be able to pull away.” He says quietly, almost looking a little embarrassed if not guilty. “Anything you need, my love.” Sokka hears her whisper, smiling. 

Sokka watches, a small part of him feeling jealous, a part of him he is angry at, as Zuko slowly leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss to Suki’s lips, remaining like that for several long seconds before pulling away. “I love you.” He whispers. “I love you, too.” She replies.

Zuko then turns to Sokka. “Ca-can I do the same to you? Same rules.” Zuko says, seeming a little more nervous than with Suki. Sokka nods a little too enthusiastically, a smile breaking out on his face that he can’t stop. He sees a small smile form on Zuko’s lips, barely there, but noticeable. That is more than he has gotten in...since Zuko was taken. He feels Zuko’s warm, bony fingers touch his cheek, thumb gently caressing his face. “I love you.” Sokka mumbles as he sees Zuko slowly leaning towards him, then, their lips are touching. Sokka gently kisses him back, making sure that he is being as gently, tender, and loving as be possibly can to his broken fiance. 

Far too soon, Zuko slowly pulls away, giving Sokka a small smile. “I love you.” Zuko whispers, awkwardly looking at the sheets, cheeks slightly pink. “I love you so much turtleduck...oh, I actually have something for you...it’s from before, it’s what I proposed to you with. You don’t have to take it, I won’t be upset...and I hope that it’s okay that I’ve been wearing it.” Sokka says, touching the pendant of the betrothal necklace from under his collar. Zuko looks pensive for a long moment before nodding once. “I-I want to see it at least...I don’t know if I’ll take it, but I’m happy you have been wearing it.” 

Sokka grins wildly, struggling a little to undo the clasp of Zuko’s necklace. He isn’t sure how he was expecting Zuko to exactly react to it. He was hoping that Zuko would be excited about seeing it again and that it would bring back a flood of tender, loving memories of their relationship together. What he was expecting was a relatively neutral reaction, maybe curiosity or confusion, not too many memories surrounding it giving Sokka an opportunity to explain the cultural significance of it, how Suki had wanted the two of them to get married to spite Zuko’s family, and maybe get to see Zuko smile a little more and possibly hear him laugh as Suki made fun of Sokka’s carving inabilities.

What Sokka was not expecting was at least 12 different emotions crossing over Zuko’s face, clearly reliving memories...but absolutely horrible ones. He isn’t expecting to hear a blood curdling scream of horror when Sokka presents him the necklace and to feel Zuko’s foot connect with his face as he flails and screams uncontrollably, begging for help, begging for mercy, begging for death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: some of you probably remember others don't, i'm not sure i'm not you but the betrothal necklace is what Zuko was forced to wear when he was assaulted.


	30. Chapter 30

_ Where did he get that? Why does he have that? What does he want from me? Does he know what that is?  _ Zuko asks himself, heart beating so fast it might tear itself out of his chest, screaming so loud he can already feel himself losing his voice again. He keeps kicking and clawing at Sokka, keeping him as far away as possible. Zuko  _ can’t  _ let Sokka put the necklace on him, he can’t let Sokka claim him, own him, fuck him. He can’t do it again. Zuko couldn’t worry about uncle and Sokka coming for him. It would completely destroy him. He had forgotten that Sokka had taken the necklace from the frame, he had been too delirious with pain, exhaustion, blood loss, and fear. He had also forgotten that Sokka was tied to the bed and was’t able to get away from Zuko kicking and clawing blindly at him. 

Zuko feels a pair of arms wrapping around him, pinning his arms to his side. He slams his head behind him, but they must have thought preemptively and the back of his head doesn’t come into contact with their nose but their chest. He can’t get out of their strong arms. But they’re pulling him away from Sokka, he migh be safe, he could get away even in his panic. Then off the bed, his feet coming in contact with the floor, in a standing position for the first time in over a month. A position he was forced to take for almost four months straight.

Pain shoots through his back and legs from how terribly the muscles have been damaged. Memories of being forced to stand until the pain from that alone made him beg for death, being forced into that positon so he wouldn’t be able to sleep for days even after being starved, drugged,and tortured fills his mind as he sobs harder. He struggles to get to his knees, but the necklace is here. Would Sokka make him wear it while fucking him? Would it be as bad? Zuko doesn’t want to find out as he continues struggling unsure of what he needs. 

He distantly hears someone begging for mercy, for help, to be put down, to be allowed to rest. He hears someone screaming about how they didn’t understand how much it hurt, how horrible it is. Someone begging for death. It’s only when the person holding him scoops him into their arms, holding him bridal style, pressing his face into their neck that he realizes that he was the one screaming. Once he realizes this, he just breaks down sobbing, wrapping is now free arms around the person holding him. “Shhhh, it’s okay, love, it’s okay.” He hears a woman whisper. 

“S-suki?” He whimpers, not looking up. “Yes love?” She replies. “No-nothing...just wanted to make sure i-it was you.” He replies, holding her tighter. She holds him for a few more short minutes before setting him down. Zuko doesn’t want her to let him go, he wants to be safe, but he doesn’t cling onto her, he lets her leave. He lets her leave him on the bed, clutching at his own body, trembling with fear.

He opens his eyes, to better know where she is in the room, hearing her footsteps walk around the bed opposed to towards the door, flinching when he sees Sokka there, whimpering and closing his eyes. He wants to be away from Sokka. He  _ needs  _ to be away from Sokka. The dream of Sokka forcing his way cruly deep into Zuko’s body, pushing his way up into his stomach, pinning him so he was completely helpless, biting and licking his body to draw unwanted pleasure from it was already too much. Zuko couldn’t bear it if Sokka ever did something like that to him. It would break him. “It’s alright, turtleduck...I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says, voice so full of pain. Zuko opens his eyes, feeling his stomach drop as he looks at the man before him.

Sokka’s face is covered in blood and forming bruises, he has a split lip, his wrists are raw from where he had been pulling at the restraints. Sokka had also been trying to get away from Zuko. Zuko had made it so that Sokka was trapped and defensless while Zuko viciously and mercilessly attacked him. Sokka had never done anything to hurt Zuko and Zuko had done one of the things he feared would be done to him to Sokka. He felt disgusting. Zuko breaks down crying again, not understanding how Sokka couldn’t be furious with him. “I-I’m so-sorry...I’m sorry, I-I…” He doesn’t know what else to say as he trails off. He didn’t want to hurt Sokka, Zuko just wanted him away where Sokka couldn’t touch him. “Turtleduck...you were scared...I don’t know what happened to you to make so so afraid of your betrothal necklace. Due to everything that has happened to you...I’m sure it’s horrific. If you want to blame anything for me getting hurt, blame the men who hurt you, blame Ozai, the people who made you react that way. It’s there fault, not yours. I promise you, turtleduck.” Sokka says as Suki undoes the rope from the bed, Sokka’s hands still bound in front of him.. 

“Y-you can untie h-his hand.” Zuko says before thinking. Sokka was hurt because of them. Sokka wasn’t angry because of how Zuko had reacted. He didn’t know much about Sokka anymore, but what he knew now was that Sokka loved him, that he was kind, that he wasn’t cruel, that he would never hurt Zuko intentionally, no matter what happened. “Are you sure, fire lily?” Zuko nods, chest warming a little as Sokka gives him a smile, but his heart sinks when he winces from the bruising around his mouth before Suki removes the ropes. 

“Wh-what is that thing?” Zuko asks, pointing to the necklace now on the ground, body still trembling at the sight of it. He remembers how it felt bouncing against his chest as he was chained in helpless positions, feeling men pressing deep inside of him, stroking, rubbing, licking and biting his exposed body. He remembers how no matter how hard he tried to supress them, moans would escape his trembling, bloodied lips as his body was forced to take pleasure no matter how painful and humiliating it was to be consecutivly fucked by twelve men. He remembers them putting on the necklace before they did anything to him, telling him that it meant that he belonged to them, that he was betraying someone. They never specified who...but Sokka has said something about it being from their engagement. Was it Sokka who he had been betraying? 

They had reminded him how filthy he was when they forced him to cum over and over, crying from pain, shame, exhaustion and overstimulation. Whispering that he was a fifthy whore who would let anyone fuck him as they drew moans from his lips and made dark bruises all over his writhing body. Legs pulled apart so they could have better access to him, even when forced to all fours, hands chained low to the groud in frount of him. The worst times would be when his arms were spread out, forcing his face close to the ground, making it far more humiliating and painful for him. He didn’t understand why Sokka had that wretched necklace and why Sokka would  _ ever  _ think thar Zuko would want it.

“It’s your betrothal necklace, turtleduck.” Sokka says, looking confused. “Do you not remember?” Zuko shakes his head, holding himself close, crying a little more. “Wh-what’s that?” He finally says, not looking up at Sokka. He can’t see the disappointment, hurt, hunger, or malice that may be in his eyes.

“Well, in the Northern Water Tribe, and used to be so in the Southern, it is traditional for the person proposing to carve a necklace from this stone and then attach it to a choker. I know that you don’t like things very tight around your throat...some bad memories associated with it, so I made yours longer so it wouldn’t frighten you. It’s also traditionally on a blue or black necklace but I made yours red because...you know...you’re the uh, Fire Lord of the Fire nation and...red.” Sokka says awkwardly, shrugging, lightening the mood in the room a little, showing Zuko he wasn’t upset. Zuko was grateful. Sokka...really knew him. 

“I  _ tried _ to carve the Fire Nation emblum over the Water Tribe one but um..I...kept messing it up, breaking stones and cutting myself. So I carved a sun and a moon on it.” Sokka say, slowly bringing it closer to Zuko, likely for him to see it but Zuko flinches and Sokka brings the necklace back to his chest. ‘Sorry’ he mouths, looking away sheepishly. 

“Oh, is  _ that  _ what it’s supposed to be?” Suki asks, grinning at Sokka. Zuko relaxes, glad for the final break in the tension in the room. “I thought it was supposed to be a cabbage slug and a spider wasp.” She says, grinning wider, eyes lighting up with joy. Zuko gives her a small, grateful smile as he begins to pull himself back together. Whatever the necklace meant to Sokka, it didn’t mean that Zuko was his property, it didn’t mean Sokka was going to viciously rape him, forcing him to enjoy it. Then humiliating him for ever sound of pleasure that was forced out of him.

“Okay, first of all, fuck you Suki. I tried really hard, okay. I swear I did!” Sokka says defensivly, smiling at Zuko for help with joy in his eyes. “I believe you.” Zuko responds, gently biting his lip. “And It looks fine, it looks like a sun and a moon, it’s Agni and Tui. It’s connecting our two nations by the most prominent spirits connected to our bending.” Sokka says, throwing his arms in the air, causing Zuko to flinch violently. “Sorry, fire lily.” Sokka says apologetically. “It’s alright...I know you won’t hurt me.” Zuko says softy, for once actually beliving it. 

Suki walks around to the other side of the bed, sitting down and wrapping her arms around Zuko. He immediately feels so much more safe even with Sokka in room with his hands free. Suki is holding him and will keep him safe. “We’re in love with an idiot.” She mumbles, kissing Zuko’s cheek gently. Zuko nods in agreement, smiling softly. “Sokka, you might not want to say that those pictures are representing Agni and Tui, they might get mad.” Zuko says, nuzzling closer to Suki, testing the waters a little more with Sokka. Hurting him (which wasn’t intentional but had happened) and playfully insulting him. Seeing how he would react. Making sure he was really safe.

“I’m gonna make sure to tell Toph to continue not being in long term relationships. It means getting fucking bullied.” Sokka grumles, sitting back in the chair, huffing and sticking his tounge out at Zuko. Zuko relaxes. He didn’t even anger Sokka in the slightest with the comment. “Well I took my  _ beautifully _ carved necklace and asked you to marry me. For some reason, you agreed to make me the luckiest guy in the world and said yes.” Sokka says softly smiling at him. “And I got to be a part of the fact that you are the first Fire Lord in history to in a homosexual engagement, and it was directly after the ban on it was lifted, so I get to be happy that I convinced this dumbass to pop the question and piss off your ansestors.” Zuko hears Suki say, but barely regesters her voice. That neckalce meant Sokka had wanted to spend the rest of his life with Zuko. It meant Sokka loved him so much. It was why Zuko had been forced to wear it while he was fucked. He feels shame washing over him, covering his mouth as he begins to cry, feeling disgusting and unworthy on so many levels. 

“Turtleduck...what’s wrong?” Sokka whispers, leaning a little closer. “My love...did one of us say something wrong?” Suki asks, kissing his head. Zuko shakes his head, tears spilling down his cheeks. “Th-they forced me t-to wear it whenever th-they fucked me!” Zuko screams, unable to say it any other way before he starts crying harder. “Th-they ma-made i-it f-feel good...d-didn’t wa-want i-it to...m-made m-me cum e-every t-time...a-all of th-them. I-I didn’t wa-want to ch-cheat on y-you...I-I’m sorry.” Zuko sobs, turning his head into Suki’s shoulder, not able to calm down.

“My love, I’ve told you before, that wasn’t cheating. It wasn’t your fault. What it was was an act of violence and crulty on their part, not an act of betrayl on yours. You’ve done nothing wrong, I swear to you.” Suki wipers, kissing his forehead. “Su-suki’s right. I-I’m glad th-they’re dead. Pl-please never apologize.” He hears Sokka sob. He’s crying. Crying for what was done to Zuko not what Zuko had done. “Do you n-never want to s-see this again?” Sokka askes after several long minutes, Zuko beginning to calm down. Zuko shakes his head. “Then you never will.” Sokka says quietly. It was a promise. Zuko knew it. Sokka was trustworthy. He had proved himself to Zuko. 

They sit like that for a long time, Zuko slowly coming out from burying his face in Sukis neck and just holding her hand in his, feeling safe. He feels less ashamed, less dirty. Not much, but still...it’s something. Sokka is the first one to break the silence.

“Would you like me to go, turtleduck, or can I stay?” Sokka as tentatively, looking at Zuko, gently rubbing his red wrists.  _ He won’t hurt you. He would never hurt you. He is caring for you even after you hurt him when he couldn’t escape. He loves you more than father ever did. More than he ever could.  _ Zuko shakes his head. “St-stay.” He whispers.

Zuko gently bites his lip, looking at the sheets, blushing a little before slowly extending his hand to Sokka. “S-sit with me?” He asks hopefully, blushing a little. Zuko wanted his life back. Wanted his lovers back. He wanted to be who he was before. Zuko wants to be able to trust again, to be able to be touched again without being feeled witn fear. He wants to see the people who were once in his life who he had put so much trust and love in. He wanted to be safe. Ha wants to be whole. 

Zuko can’t stop the fact that his nightmare isn’t over. He can’t do anything about the fact that the different people oif the same group who had kidnapped him were coming for him again. He could only trust that the people around him knew what they were doing. Zuko could do absolutely nothing to protect himself. He just had to trust that the palace was secure, that everyone within the walls was trustworthy, that the people who loved him would fight to the last breath to protect him. He had to trust that if they failed at everything else, someone would kill him. That they would save him in the most drastic way possible. That they would make it impossible for anyone to hurt him ever again. Zuko could do nothing but trust the people around him, and he wanted to be able to do that again. He wanted to drain father’s venom from his mind, telling him that he was impossible to love and only deserved hate and pain. Zuko wants to feel worth again.

“Of course my love.” Sokka says, smiling. It’s then when he realizes there are tears in his eyes but he doesn’t look upset, he looks overjoyed. Sokka holds Zukos hand in his, not moving closer to the bed, looking intently at Zuko. “Are you sure, turtleduck?” Sokka asks, eyes searching his face. “Even more, now.” Zuko says, smiling a little more, giving Sokka a real smile, not just having one barely appearing on his lip, Zuko’s face moving in a way it hadn’t in five months.

Zuko’s body tenses as he feels Sokka slowly sit next to him and wrap his arms around Zuko’s shoulders. After about a minute, Zuko rests his head on Sokka shoulder, breathing in his soft scent, nuzzling closer and he feels Sokka’s fingers carding though his hair. “If I’d known that all I needed to do was let you beat me up I would have let you do so weeks ago.” Sokka says, laughing a little, kissing his head. “Sorry about your face.” Zuko mumbles, he really did feel guilty. “Worth it.” He hears Sokka whisper. “I love you so much, turtleduck.”

The three of them sit like that for a long time. Zuko being tenderly held by Suki and Sokka, all three of them occasionally mumbling phrases of affection and love to each other. Zuko keeps his head on Sokka’s shoulder, having missed being able to take comfort in his warmth. Sokka was safe. Sokka was kind. Zuko had the people he loved back. He was able to be held by them with Sokka’s hands free and around him. Zuko was able to fall asleep with them, not fearing that they would do anything to him while he slept, trusting that they would protect him from harm and not cause it. For the first time in five months, Zuko has nice dreams. Not of anything in particular, but no nightmares and not nothing due to be drugged to too exhausted. He just dreams of soft touches, turtleducks, and light. He finally truly feels safe, even if it is only temporary. He truly believes that he is held in safety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something we have all been wanting for awhile, Sokka and Zuko time:)


	31. Chapter 31

Katara had been spending the last two and a half weeks working diligently on learning how to properly begin to heal damaged back muscles and treat spinal and paraspinal injuries. She had observed and practiced with any orthopedist that was able and willing to help her. She was learning proper stretching, massaging and acupuncture techniques. Usually these methods would need to be paired with something else but Katara had the advantage of being a trained waterbending healer to further the process. She needed to work hard and figure out how to do this right. Zuko couldn’t even stand and was in chronic pain. 

She also was doing this as a distraction, she missed Aang. They both knew that he couldn’t just hang around the Fire Nation place for months on end because his friend wasn’t doing well, the world needed him. Katara agreed, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss him. At least they were able to send Hawky back and forth for communication. She was also glad that Aang had Appa and Momo to keep him company. She did miss Momo’s annoying chattering demanding food, however. At least she had Sokka to fill that hole...sometimes, it was depressing when he didn’t want to eat...he was really hurting. 

Katara was angry at Zuko and she mourned for him simultaneously. She understood that Zuko didn’t want to be cruel, he didn’t want to hurt her, he was just trying to protect himself from being hurt anymore. Zuko had been tortured horribly for over three months, completely destroying his sense of self and trust of others, especially other men. She understood that Zuko was finally beginning to fall into a routine when he had been informed that the group who had destroyed him had more members and were coming for him. They had a little more than two weeks left until the month they had been given was up, and Zuko was scared. However, that is the thing about treating others cruelly, even if the offended party understands, they are still hurt by the other’s actions. Everything Zuko did and said to Katara weighed on her and it hurt. Zuko was so, so angry, he was back to using it as a method of self preservation. 

Katara doesn’t really want to see Zuko right now...but she needs to. She needs to help him. She and Azula had agreed that because most of Zuko’s anger was taken out on them, they shouldn’t be in the room with him together anymore. She would heal him during her shifts as much as possible but sometimes Zuko couldn’t handle her touching him in the way she needed to to heal him. She hadn’t started to heal his major paraspinal injuries but there were still plenty of others. 

Zuko had fractures in multiple places on pretty much every bone in his body, he had multiple sprains (including his most recent one) and ligament tears, his lips were a bloody mess but he wouldn’t let her touch him there, and he had a lot of internal damage from being viciously and constantly raped. When she had even suggested healing that he had viciously attacked her and wouldn’t let her touch him anywhere for days. 

It was worrying her that Zuko was refusing to talk to Iroh. She wasn’t exactly sure what had happened and was pretty sure she didn’t want to know what had happened. She knew that Iroh was heartbroken and her father had been spending a lot of time with him to try and take Iroh’s mind off the fact Zuko hated and feared him again. Iroh was the person Zuko had become the closest with since his rescue and was the only other man that he trusted. This was a big step in the wrong direction. 

Katara knew that Zuko would never allow her to touch him like she would need to in order to properly heal him with just the two of them. A few days ago, Suki had agreed to stay a bit longer after her shift and Toph would join her. They were two of the people that Zuko trusted the most. Hopefully he would let her at least try to help him with them in the room. They should be explaining what was going to happen before Katara gets to the room.

What Katara was expecting to find was Zuko curled up in Suki’s arms, whimpering, while Toph held his hand telling him that it was going to be alright. She was definitely not expecting to see Zuko snuggled between Suki and Sokka with Toph sitting at the foot of the bed, somehow telling a dirty joke about rocks. “Sokka?” Katara asks, deeply confused as to why he was here. Zuko was terrified of Sokka. She knew he had allowed Sokka to visit before, but his hands were bound and he wasn’t allowed anywhere near Zuko. Not allowed to touch him, definitely not allowed to hold him.

Then Sokka turns around, smiling a little. “Hey, Katara, I got my boyfriend back.” Sokka says cheerfully, before turning back and kissing Zuko’s head. Katara’s stomach drops when she sees Sokka’s face. There is blood all over his lips and crusted around his nose. There are bloody marks on his face that look like it is from fingernails. There is horrible bruising covering almost every part of his face. Sokka’s wrists are bloody and bruised. Katara doesn’t need to be as bright as she is to have a pretty good idea of what happened. His face darkens as she glares at Zuko. “What the fuck did you do to my brother?” She growls moving towards the bed. 

The soft smile on Zuko’s face vanishes and he lets out a soft whimper, tucking himself close to Suki’s body, trembling violently. “Katara, please...he didn’t mean to, it looks worse than it is, I scared him.” Sokka says, shielding Zuko’s body with his own. “I’m not going to hurt him, Sokka. I would never raise a hand at him right now, but don’t fucking defend him. Zuko, I know you’re hurting and I know you’re scared, but you can’t just take it out on the people around you. Everyone here is trying to help you and you’re making that very difficult and you’re being awful to the people around you who are just doing their best. Understand?” She says, voice growing calmer with each sentence. Her goal isn’t to terrorize Zuko and she’s glad Toph is here who Zuko knows can detect lies, she can confirm that Katara had no intentions to hurt Zuko despite how angry she was at him right now.

Zuko lets out a loud cry, holding Suki tighter, nodding. “Pl-please don’t n-name me. I-I’m sorry.” He whimpers. Katara sighs, sitting on the other bed, looking down. It felt good at first to yell, now she felt ashamed. “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have lost my temper like that, but I did mean everything that I said. I won’t ever hurt you, but you can’t treat people like this even if you're scared. But I shouldn’t have yelled at you or named you, I’m sorry.” Katara says quietly. “I understand if you don’t want me to heal you like I was today.” 

“H-how were you going to heal me?” Zuko asks, lifting his head, looking at Katara but not meeting her eyes. “Did these guys not tell you?” Katara asks, pointing at the three. “Sorry...I saw that Sparky and Sokka were snuggling and I got us side tract...for 45 minutes.” Toph says, smiling sheepishly. Katara shoots her a look but doesn’t say anything. “I’ve been learning about healing spinal and paraspinal injuries as well as deep muscle tissue. Your back is severely damaged from being forced to stand for almost four months straight and then directly going to being bedridden...but mostly the first part. If you ever want to be able to stand or walk again, this is the first step. I know you're hesitant to stand and you don’t have to for a while. I’m sure your back is bothering you even in bed.” Katara says softly.

Zuko is silent for a long time. “Toph, was she being honest about everything? Like not hurting me and what she needs to do?” He says quietly, looking at her. Toph nods. “I-if I can hold onto Suko and Sokka...then yes. Will you stop if I want you to?” Zuko asks nervously, clutching Sokka’s hand in his. “Of course.” Katara says warmly. “To do this properly I am going to need your shirt off and for you to lay on your stomach. I swear to you that I won’t touch you anywhere below your waist. I won’t hurt you. You can tell me to stop at any point for any reason and I will. Is that okay with you?” Katara asks, not sure if that was going to be okay.

Zuko bites his lip nervously before tentatively nodding, pulling away from Suki and slowly removing his shirt with trembling hands. Katara hadn’t seen Zuko without his shit on since he was rescued. He had refused to take his clothes off up until now. She had done her best to bathe him by soaking him and his clothes with water and then removing it along with the dirt and sweat with bending. She was sure he wasn’t getting properly cleaned but better than nothing and it was all that he would agree to. 

He still looks horrible. The bruising and the cuts are gone and he has gained a little bit of weight, so some improvement...but not much. She can see the scars from burns, knives, and the whip littering his body. She can still see his caved in stomach, his ribs that skin is stretched too thin across. He is so skinny it’s horrible. She can see him trembling both from cold and fear. By the expressions on Suki and Sokka’s faces, this is the first time they have seen him like this as well. He slowly moved down onto his stomach, refusing help from anyone before pulling the covers up to just below his waist. She isn’t sure if it is for warmth or protection, either way, it breaks Katara’s heart. She hates to see Zuko like this, he’s so fragile and vulnerable. He’s so hurt. 

Katara moves forward, climbing onto the bed, easily placing her knees on either side of Zuko’s thin thighs, careful not to touch him. Zuko whimpers loudly, gripping onto Sokka and Suki and tight as he can, still trembling. Katara removes water from her flask, filling it with power as it glows. “May I begin?” She asks quietly, poisoning her hands above Zuko’s back. Zuko nods before letting out a terrified cry. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I won’t hurt you. If I do, Toph will annihilate me and Suki and Sokka will make sure you feel safe.” She says quietly, pressing her hands against Zuko’s back and begins working her strong hands gently into the deep tissue of his damaged back, loosening the damaged tissue and using water bending to help realign it. 

She hears Zuko crying under her, whose body shaking with sobs as he grips tighter at Sokka and Suki. “Am I hurting you? Be honest with me, please. I’ll only stop if you want me to or if you don’t respond at all.” She says quietly, not stopping trying to heal his back, trying to undo at least a little bit of damage, hoping a little more autonomy will improve his mental state. “Y-yes.” Zuko whimpers. “Hu-hurts...a-and sc-scary...th-think i-it’s he-helping th-though.” Zuko replies, voice thick with tears. Katara feels a few spring in her eyes.

“Okay, I’m only going to do this for a few more minutes, I don’t want to overwhelm you even if it is helping, but if you want me to stop before you need to tell me, okay?” She says, looking sadly at Zuko’s skinny, scarred, trembling form. She hears Toph, Sokka, and Suki begin whispering words of encouragement, gently petting Zuko’s trembling body, letting him break down, trying to hold him together. Katara wants to say something but is barely able to properly focus as tears roll down her own cheeks at how wretched Zuko has become.

Finally, she pulls away, slowly climbing off of the bed and standing next to them. “You did so good.” She says, Zuko seems to react well to praise. “You can put your shirt back on if you want, would you like help?” Zuko shakes his head as he shifts himself slowly into an upright position, pulling his shirt in and then snuggling under the covers, dressing himself between Suki and Sokka, holding them tightly. “Th-thank you.” He whispers, not opening his eyes. 

“You should probably get some sleep after this, is it okay if Toph watches you.” Zuko lets out a small moan, nodding, drifting off. Katara feels her chest warm as she watches both Sokka and Suki kiss Zuko gently and sweetly before the three of them leave, letting Toph curl up next to Zuko, holding him in her arms, keeping him safe and warm. Maybe he was going to be okay. 

Hakoda is sitting on a rock next to Bato, holding hands and drinking very strong liquor, watching the sun go down slowly, ignoring any looks they were given from anyone. Zuko was a mess, he was angry at Iroh who was now a mess, Sokka had broken down crying the night before because he thought Zuko was never going to be okay. Katara was exhausted with training and Zuko yelling at her and now Aang was gone. Toph was a mess because she could feel how upset Zuko was. Everyone was terrified about what would happen if the nationalists made good on their threat. Everyone was a mess. Hakoda was exaughsted and needed a fucking drink. He needed some good news and probably wasn’t going to get that. However, alcohol was a good, reliable friend. Also Bato. Bato was good, too. But Hakoda mostly needed alcohol right now. They both did and decided getting drunk on a rock outside of the Fire Nation palace together was less depressing than getting drunk in a dark room alone. So...hooray? Being responsible adults? 

“Dad!” He hears Sokka call from the left of him, he turns to see him sprinting towards him. Hakoda just drinks more, waving at Sokka. He seems happier. When he gets closer Hakoda closes his flask and abandons it, standing up a little too fast. “Shit, Sokka, what the fuck happened to your face?” He asks, concerned as Sokka hugs him, lifting him a little off the ground. It did get annoying when your kid gets big and strong enough to do that to you. 

“Dad! Zuko’s getting better! He let me hug him without my hands tied or anything! He trusts me again!” He shouts, so excited and happy that tears are in his eyes. Hakoda smiles warmly, hugging Sokka back when he puts him down again. “I’m so happy for you. You two have needed each other for a long time. That’s a good step. That doesn’t answer what happened to your face.” Hakoda says, gently touching one of the worst bruises on his cheek bone. Sokka winches a little and Hakoda cringes. 

“Who did that to you, Sokka?” Bato asks from behind him. “Are you alright?” He continues. Sokka nods, smiling a little around the injuries. “Yeah...uh, I kinda freaked Zuko out. He kicked me while panicking.” Sokka says, scratching the back of his head. Hakoda feels anger bubbling in his chest. Zuko had hurt his boy. It may have not been malicious, but he had hurt Sokka. It was like keeping a caged, feral animal in there. Zuko would just attack people with so little warning, the strangest things would spook him and he’d go crazy. He knew that Zuko wasn’t fully to blame, he knew that Zuko was just scared and defending himself to what he thought were threats. It still made him mad. He had to watch this man hurt his fucking children over and over again and it broke his heart. 

“Dad...Katara got mad at him too...but it’s okay...I did something that really scared him...brought up a truly horrible memory for him and I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t think Zuko would want me to tell you.” Sokka says sadly. “It was worth it, though. It sounded like he said something about the fact that I didn’t retaliate for accidentally hurting me that he knew I didn’t take any pleasure from hurting him. I’m getting my fiance back, dad. Please just be happy for me.” Sokka says, looking at Hakoda pleadingly. 

Hakoda sighs, wrapping his arms around his son. “Why didn’t your sister heal you?” He asks quietly. “She used a lot of her energy to heal Zuko, I think she had forgotten by the time that we left, I didn’t want to ask her for any help just then. I’ll ask her later. You know healing Zuko upsets her...I’ve never been to one of his healing sessions before...dad...he’s so fucking scared, h-he’s ss-skinny and he wouldn’t st-stop crying. It w-was awful.” Sokka cries softly, tears rolling down his cheeks. Hakoda holds him closer. “I’m so sorry, son. I’m so sorry. At least he trusts you again. He’s moving forward.” He feels Sokka nod, hugging him back. He then feels Bato wrap his arms around both of them, pulling them close to his chest, making him feel more whole than he had in awhile.

When Sokka leaves, Hakoda tells Bato he has to be somewhere and runs to Iroh’s office, not bothering to knock. Iroh is just sitting there, looking at papers, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Iroh?” Hakoda says in a hushed, worried voice, sitting down next to the old man, touching his shoulder. “Hey.” Iroh replies bluntly, not looking up, not even bothering to wipe his eyes. “Zuko let Sokka not only be in the room with him with his hands free but let Sokka hold him. He’s trusting again...I think that's some hope for you. Please, I know you’re reluctant to see him again after last time...but he needs you and I know you need him.” Hakod says softly. 

Iroh is silent for a long time and takes a deep breath before talking. “Hakoda, would you be enthusiastic to see Sokka or Katara again if they had attacked you out of sheer terror, genuinely believing that you were going to rape them because you were kind to them after being tortured and broken? Would you be able to face them again being sure they would react the same way to you? Knowing you'd probably break them more? Would you be able to do it?” Iroh asks sadly, looking at him for the first time. 

Hakoda pulls at the pads of his right hand nervously, thinking. He couldn’t imagine finding one of his children broken and bleeding beyond recognition, to the point they didn’t recognize him, begged for their torturer, begging for death, truly thinking that that was the only solace that could be found for them was in death. He couldn’t imagine bringing them home, only being able to recognize fear and threats in the faces of people who they once loved and took comfort in. For them to finally trust him after presenting strong hate and sheer terror for him. For Hakoda to hold his child in his arms at night, warding off nightmares and the whole time them thinking that they would need to repay him for his love with sex after being abused for so long. How they couldn’t understand that this was just how a parent is supposed to care for their child. That he’s holding them out of love, nothing contractual. Hakoda didn’t think he would be able to subject himself and them to that trauma again. 

“I-I don’t think I could.” Hakoda whispers, wanting to remain honest. “If someone talks to Zuko so he knows that you don’t want to hurt him and he understands that...would you go see him then? The nationalists should be coming here in about two weeks...he is going to need you so much if they come here. Even if they never make it into the palace but he knows they’re here, he is going to need you, Iroh. No matter how much he prepares himself for this...these people fucking destroyed him. Zuko can’t go through this again. He won’t be okay for a while after we get rid of them. Please...be with him.” Hakoda says, looking at him sadly.

Iroh nods once. “That would do nicely...have you considered trying to talk to him? He looks up to you a lot. He considered you safe. Once when I was teasing him about dating Sokka a few years ago and I asked him about ‘his future father in law’ and what he thought about you, he described you as kind and honorable. I’m sure you’re aware how hard it is for Zuko to see kindness in the world when it is directed at him...and I’m sure you’re well aware how much he values honor. It’s a mighty compliment coming from him, even if he never said it directly to you.” Iroh says, giving him a sad smile.

Hakoda feels his chest warm a little at the description. “Thank you for telling me that, Iroh. However...I doubt he would want to see me. As you know, I terrified him when Zuko wasn’t in this state. Like, he was absolutely terrified of me. He was convinced I was going to hurt him and he would have to choose between defending himself and preserving a shred of himself but lose Sokka and Katara even more, or allowing me to hurt him however I chose as a sign of respect and not being cast out of the group more than he already was. He isn’t going to react well to me going in there...he’ll see me as another man who wants to hurt him...he won’t see me as the man who loves him like he’s my own son. He can’t even trust you right now...he definitely can’t trust me.” Hakoda says, embracing his friend who doesn't reply. 

They stay like that for a long time, mourning for Zuko in silence. “After the nationalists are locked up, dead, and gone for good and I have fully gained Zuko’s trust back...will you come with me to see him? I think he should be introduced to another man who would fight tooth and nail for his safety.” Iroh asks, sounding hopeful. Hakoda nods. “I will.” He mumbles. “I want to see him again...I miss him.” 

Hakoda can’t stop mixing the memories of Zuko’s horrified, helpless body, expression, and cries mixed with the ones filled with his awkward laughter, quiet, raspy voice, and lopsided grin as Zuko was finally surrounded by people who loved him. Hakoda wanted his boy back. He needed to help make him safe. He would do whatever it took, no matter what. Zuko was his child, and he would protect him.


	32. Chapter 32

Zuko had gone through three healing sessions with Katara, he seemed to be doing a little better. He could sit up much easier. He still had to use his arms for assistance but it was a much smoother movement, not struggling as much as he did it. It relieved Azula to see. However, he still adamantly refused to even attempt to stand. He had started crying when she and Kya had tried to coax him into doing it. They had tired for nearly an hour, when he broke down, they stopped. The mere idea of standing really scared him and he wouldn’t elaborate on it anymore. 

Azula would have thought that the idea of being able to walk around again would have been thrilling to Zuko, giving him more autonomy over himself and more control in what happened in his life. It would also mean he would get stronger faster and would have a better chance of defending himself. However, the idea of standing again terrified him more than any of the benefits that came with it. The elongated standing really must have been a far worse method of torture than she had thought. Azula had never been forced to stand for months on end, body being fully exposed, and being prevented from sleeping at all in that position. She could imagine that it would be truly horrible...but not so terrible that the idea of standing freely would be this terrifying. Maybe he just needed more time?

No one was quite sure, even Iyasu didn’t know. She was a skilled psychiatrist...but Zuko’s was an extreme case. No one knew what to do to help him. Zuko didn’t even know what he needed. At least he had been trusting Sokka again. When Zuko had told her she had broken down crying, hugging her bony brother. It gave her a little bit of hope that he might be okay one day, that this wasn’t the end for him. 

She now just sits with him, his head in her lap, running her fingers through his hair as he leans into her gentle touch. He still refused to eat or drink when anyone was near him or when Azula or Katara were in the room at all. They should have gone about it differently. They shouldn’t have force fed him. They should have been more gentle. They should have talked to him, tried to reason with him, not shut him out because his screaming and begging for death tore them apart. Now...Zuko had a new, horrible fear which was going to make weight gain very difficult. He was so skinny. He  _ needed  _ to gain weight. 

“Brother?” She says softly after a long moment, brushing Zuko’s face. Zuko opens his eyes, smiling wearlily at her. “Hey, ‘Zula.” He mumbles. “Iyasu told me what happened with you and Uncle Iroh...she told me what you thought that he wanted.” Azula says sadly, cupping Zuko’s face in her hand. Iroh had been Zuko’s support system for years, they loved each other, trusted each other, and had a very close relationship no matter what happened. It broke Azula’s heart that Zuko thought that their kind hearted uncle would  _ ever  _ touch Zuko like that, even if it was wanted. It was a testament of what their father had done to Zuko’s mind. It hurt even more when Azula saw how heartbroken Iroh was over this. It had shattered his heart. 

Zuko looks away from her, face falling. “W-will you protect m-me? D-does h-he know I-I’ll p-pay him back eventually wh-when I can st-stand it? I-Is he coming f-for me?” Zuko whimpers quietly. Azula forces herself not to break down, if she starts crying she isn’t sure if she’ll stop. “Brother...I swear to you, he doesn’t want to touch you like that. He loves you so much. He’s actually been crying most days since you kicked him out. It hurts him to know that our father hurt you so deeply that you believe Iroh would  _ ever _ do something like that to you. He isn’t going to see you until you say it’s okay. He won’t  _ ever  _ touch you like that. I promise you. We can bring Toph in and she can tell you if he’s lying or not.” Azula says sadly, wiping a tear from her eye.

Zuko is silent for a long time. “He doesn’t want to fuck me?” Zuko says dully, seeming genuinely confused. Azula shakes her head, ignoring the crudeness of his statement. “No, no he doesn’t.” She replies, hoping this gets through to him. “Then what does he want?” Zuko asks, closing his eyes again. “He wants the same thing you do...he just wants to be around you like he has been the past several weeks. He misses you and is worried about you. Please, brother, he just wants to make you feel safe...I’m not sure what he did to make you think he wanted anything else. If you would just talk to him maybe you could make sure he never does it again, s-”

“You don’t understand Azula...he may not even be fully aware that that’s what he wants yet...but he does. Do you think father saw me growing up and thought about wanting to fuck me? I don’t. Th-then he saw me weak, vulnerable, and desperate for rest and affection at any cost...he realized that that’s what he wants. Someone who’s completely loyal to him, who’s world orbits around him, who would do anything to please him, whose body and mind is completely malleable in his hands. Uncle may not even know it yet...he will. I can’t let him find out. I need him away from me. I won’t have anything left of myself if he does that. I  _ need _ my memories of him from the past month to keep going. They’ll be destroyed if he does that.  _ Please,  _ Azula.” Zuko chokes, voice hollow, tears slipping from now closed his eyelids, dampening his cheeks.

Azula pulls Zuko into her arms, cradling him gently, pressing her forehead to Zuko’s, crying quietly. “I’m so sorry, brother.” Azula whispers, letting her tears fall on Zuko’s face as she tries to comfort him gently. “I’m so sorry that father hurt you so deeply that you can’t trust one of the people who love you most in this world. I’m so sorry that I didn’t protect you when we were children, I only added to your misery. I’m so sorry that we didn’t find you sooner, we should have been faster, should have considered you were being held in the basement of a noble’s home not in the outskirts of the nation. I’m so, so sorry, brother. If I could do it all again and it meant this never happened to you I would, I’d do anything.” She cries, clutching his body closer to her.

“What can I do to prove to you that uncle Iroh is safe? If he ever touched you in any way that you didn’t want you could banish him. He may be the stand in Fire Lord but you’re the sitting and ruling Fire Lord. Your word is above his, no matter what. You could have him thrown in prison or banished or anything. You won’t need to, he would never do that to you. But just so you know...you could.” Azula says softly, brushing his cheek with her hand. “Also, Toph, me, Sokka, Suki, Ty Lee, Mai, the other Kyoshi warriors, Katara, Hakoda, Bato, Kya, and Aang would come back to beat the shit out of him. He wouldn’t stand a fucking chance.” Azula says, smiling a little at her brother.

She hears a soft breath of laughter come from Zuko, lips upturned a little bit. That was the most he laughed anymore. No one had heard a real one from him since before. “Okay, okay, you bring Toph and Suki in here as well, along with you, I’ll talk to him. I promise.” Zuko says, giving her a small smile, wiping his eyes and sniffing a little. Azula lets out a breath of relief. Iroh would be thrilled. 

“Question: who are Hakoda and Bato?” Zuko asks, cocking his head a little. Azula’s chest hurts a little at how much had been taken from Zuko. Hakoda had been the first person to teach Zuko that Iroh wasn’t the exception to fathers and leaders being kind. Iroh said that Zuko loved Hakoda and she remembered hearing Zuko tell him about the stuff Hakoda had done with him and taught him. The kind of stuff a loving father should teach his son. 

“Hakoda is Sokka and Katara’s father, and Bato is his boyfriend. You got really close to Hakoda over the years. Ty Lee once told me that Sokka would loudly complain that sometimes it felt like you were dating him to get closer with his dad. Sokka was joking, of course. You were really welcomed into that family. Bato is more reserved, I got closer to him while looking for you...but I don’t think you two were particularly close. Like, you two were on good terms and everything, it’s just you’re both terrible at conversation so apparently it would always end awkwardly.” Azula says, laughing a little. 

“I hope that I can trust them again.” Zuko says quietly, looking at her. “You will, turtleduck...you have time and help.” Azula says softly, kissing Zuko’s forehead. Zuko gives her a small smile before it quickly turns back to serious. “On that note...I know that uncle has a life to go back to, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be the stand in Fire Lord forever. I think everyone was hoping when you found me I wouldn’t be so...broken.” Zuko whispers, averting his eyes but keeping them open. “I don’t think I’m ever going to fully recover...I think I’m going to have to put so much effort in keeping myself going that I won’t be able to be a fit and proper ruler for the nation, especially with the state It’s in now...and I can’t expect uncle to continue doing it forever.”

Azula has an idea where Zuko is going with this, but doesn’t say anything, knowing he needs time to finish his thoughts. Knowing he doesn’t talk for this long this calmly that often. She gently runs her fingers through his hair, looking at him intently. “Y-you’re smart, resourceful, and compassionate, Azula. Please don’t feel obligated to say yes to this, I understand it’s a big responsibility. I’m not talking about a stand in position, I'm asking if you would like to be coronated and take my throne as the Fire Lord. I think you’ll do it right, you’ll do better than I can after this...the point where that would happen is still a ways off...you don’t have to answer right now. I understand it’s not an easy decision. Just think about it, Azula.” Zuko says softly, briefly making eye contact with her (and likely anyone) for the first time since his rescue. 

Azula pulls Zuko close to her chest, not too close to hurt him but enough to make the moment more intimate. She remembers that there was a point in her life where the crown was all that she wanted. She wanted power and for all of the wrong reasons, her lust for it fueled by her father’s manipulation. Now, she just wanted to do right by the world. She wanted to do right by the Fire Nation, her friends and family, herself. She isn’t positive if this is the way to do it, but it could possibly be one of the more constructive ways of doing so. A plus of it would be making it Zuko’s full time job to just learn how to feel safe again, to trust, to love, to regain autonomy and function over his body again. It would give Zuko a chance to truly heal and not be carrying the lives of others on his shoulders. It would mean Zuko could just live and not need to worry about other confounding variables in his life. 

They slowly pull away from the hug, looking at each other. “I think I would like that, brother.” She says quietly, smiling at him. Zuko presses his forehead against her lips, sighing softly. “Thank you, Azula...I love you.” He mumbles. “I love you, too.” She replies quietly, rubbing his shoulders as she holds the precious body ever closer. “I’m gonna tell Iroh that you’re letting him come in with Toph, Suki and I to sort this all out. Okay?” She says quietly, kissing the top of Zuko’s head again. Zuko nods, nuzzling his head into a more comfortable position in the crook of her neck.  _ Please let Zuko understand it was just his fears getting the best of him. Please let him understand uncle Iroh would never hurt him.  _ She prays to any entity that may be listening.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone had mentioned that they were wondering what the Fire Nation citizens were thinking about all of this. Would people like a chapter about conspiracies going around the Fire Nation about why Iroh has been the Interim Fire Lord for over five months, the Fire Lord Zuko hasn't been seen in that same amount of time and there has been no official word about him, what the siege on the palace was about, what the deal with Ozai is, why there is a woman who looks and talks a lot like Fire Princess Azula but more composed.
> 
> Also: I more back to school on January 15th, classes begin on the 19th, that is when updates will slow down and be like once a week and not like once every 36 hours.

“It’s okay, It’s okay...it won’t be like last time. Zuko has calmed down and Ozai was in his head. This can be fixed, I promise.” Hakoda says as he and Iroh walk down the hallways to the hospital wing. Iroh had been informed two days ago that Zuko was willing to see him again. Willing to talk to him. Willing to come to an understanding. Iroh was terrified that he was going to lose his nephew for good. He couldn’t lose a second son. Iroh couldn’t know Zuko was scared and suffering, too terrified to accept his help. Especially when they were creeping closer to the end of the month that they had been given by the nationalists. They had less than two weeks. Zuko knew it. Iroh wanted to be with him when they attacked. Iroh would be able to calm him down, make him feel marginally safe in his time of terror. 

Iroh had also been thinking about the promise he had made Zuko. He had been thinking about it a lot. He wasn’t sure what it would do to him, forced to kill his own nephew to protect Zuko from a far worse fate. All Iroh knew is that Zuko couldn’t go back there. He would kill Zuko if they got too close. Iroh’s definition of too close would be far closer than Zuko’s, but he would do it. He would protect his sweet, sensitive, traumatized nephew. The thought of it broke Iroh's heart. 

“Zuko loves you, Iroh.” Hakoda says, touching his shoulder. It is then that he realizes they are right outside of Zuko’s door. “He was just scared. He wasn’t thinking clearly. You can smooth this over with him, I promise.” Hakoda says, giving Iroh a warm smile. Hakoda hadn’t been there. He hadn’t seen the sheer terror in Zuko’s eyes as he flailed and screamed, injuring Iroh and more importantly himself in the process. Zuko may have been out of control and fueled by fear, but he meant it.

Iroh knocks on the door, hanging his head, letting tears roll down his cheeks, doing nothing to stop them. Zuko had seen him cry before. All of them had. This was nothing new. The door is opened by Azula who looks at him apologetically. Toph is sitting on the end of the bed that Zuko is in, and Suki has Zuko tucked in her arms. Luckily, Zuko isn’t cowering in her arms, he’s just being held, looking towards the door, head cocked in curiosity as Hakoda wraps an arm around Iroh’s shoulder as a final display of encouragement and support. 

The others had told Zuko that Iroh wouldn’t hurt him. They had told him that they would protect him. Zuko was learning to trust again. That information alone brought a small, but genuine, smile to Iroh’s face. Even if Zuko was still cautious of Iroh after this...he had accepted Sokka back into his life, and he wasn’t terrified of Iroh and Hakoda standing in the doorway. He was learning to trust. Leaning to not be scared.

Hakoda is turning to leave when Zuko finally says something. “S-sir? Who are you? Y-you look familiar.” Zuko says quietly, looking at Hakoda with a knit brow. Hakoda looks devastated, but manages to hide it in a very sad smile when he turns around. “My name is Hakoda. I’m Sokka and Katara’s father. We grew very close after you and my son started seeing each other. You’re a part of our family and I hope you will be willing to rejoin it at some point when you feel safer. No matter how long it takes, we’ll welcome you back with open arms, son.” Hakoda says softly, voice wavering, quickly wiping a tear from his eye. Zuko looks down, gently biting his lip, looking to be concentrating on something...maybe trying to draw up memories of Hakoda.

“Y-you took me on a boat through the ice with Sokka and Suki and put a crescent on my forehead when we finished.” He says after a long moment, looking up when he finished. Iroh watched Hakoda wipe at his eyes again, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Yes, Ice Dodging. It’s a ceremony when someone comes of age they are tested and if they complete it, they are a man or woman of the tribe. You and Suki are honorary members of the Southern Water Tribe for your completion.” Hakoda says warmly. Zuko nods. “Th-thank you sir...I-I hope I can get to know you again at some point.” Zuko says sadly, picking at the blanket as Iroh walks into the room. I hope I can learn to trust you again. Iroh translates in his head without meaning to. “I hope so too, son.” Hakoda says sadly before leaving the doorway, closing the door behind him.

Zuko watches Iroh intently as he walks towards the bed. He clutches Suki’s hand a little tighter but doesn’t shrink back in fear at least. Iroh slowly sits down on the other bed, facing Zuko. Both stay silent for a long time. “I’m so sorry, nephew.” Iroh finally says, shaking his head, allowing tears to fall. “I don’t know what I did to scare you, don’t know what I did to make you ever think that I would do something like that to you...I’m so sorry. What can I do to prove myself to you? I’ll do anything.” He says, slowly extending his hand, giving Zuko the opportunity to touch him without being pulled away from safety. 

Zuko slowly moves his hand forward, taking Iroh’s and almost immediately starts crying. He pulls himself out of Suki’s grip and puts his feet flat on the ground. He pulls on Iroh’s hand a little, pushing off the bed with his free arm. Iroh thinks he’s about to actually stand for a moment but he almost immediately falls forward. Iroh easily catches his too light body in his arms, bridging the gap between the beds and pulling Zuko onto the bed next to him. Iroh encourages Zuko to rest his head in the crook of his neck, holding his fragile body, allowing him to cry in safety and comfort. 

“I-I m-miss y-you! I-I ca-can’t f-feel safe but I-I miss you.” He sobs, clutching tightly at Iroh’s clothes. “I-I want to trust y-you. Y-you make me feel s-safe. I-I can’t. I’m sorry.” He continues, breaking down even more. Iroh gently cradles Zuko in his arms, rubbing the back of his head gently. “I’ve missed you too, nephew. Please tell me what adjustments will make you feel better? You’re doing so much better already. You talked to Hakoda, you didn’t freak out when I came in here, you stood up, even if briefly. I’m so proud of you. So proud.” He whisper, gently rocking Zuko in his arms.

“U-uncle Iroh...d-do you want to t-touch me like that? I-I’ll l-let y-you if that’s what y-you want. Just not y-yet. Not now. I-I can’t right n-now. N-not when th-they’re coming for me.” He sobs, gripping Iroh tighter. “Pl-please I-I need t-to know. I won’t b-be mad. I-I understand.” Zuko feels so much pain and anger filling his chest. He wishes he had smashed his brother’s skull in when he had the chance. Wishes he had felt Ozai die. “I would never do anything like that to you, nephew, even if you wanted me to. I love you so, so much...but not like that, and what you’re thinking of isn’t love at all, it’s power and manipulation. I won’t, not ever.” He says, kissing his head. 

“I-I need y-you to tell me if you ever change your mind. I-If later you r-realize it is what you want, I n-need to know. I-I’ll understand I-I just need to know. I-I can’t tr-trust y-you again if you keep that fr-from me. Pr-promise me, uncle, and don’t say that y-you don’t wan’t th-that, j-just promise.” Zuko sobs, Iroh’s shirt growing wet from tears. “I promise, nephew.” Iroh replies, moving his hand down to rub Zuko’s back. 

“T-toph?” He whimpers. Iroh had completely forgotten the others were in the room. They had kept silent. Then again, they were here to make Zuko feel safe, not to actually protect him from anything. Iyasu had told them that what could be done was to validate Zuko’s fears and prove to him that he was safe, not dismiss him and tell him so. Zuko needed tangible proof of his safety. Words meant very little. “He’s telling the truth.” She replies softly. 

Zuko lets out a long, shaky breath. “Whoever wants to go can...I just need at least one other person in here with me i-if Iroh is staying.” He whimpers. Iroh begins to cry softly, relief filling him as he pulls Zuko tight to his chest. “Thank you, nephew. I will always protect you. I will never hurt you. I love you, nephew.” Everyone expert for Azula leaves, looking at Iroh as if asking for a final nod of permission. Azula sits down on the bed with Iroh and Zuko looking at them fondly. 

Zuko pulls out of Iroh’s embrace, slowly laying down on the bed, likely tired. Even though he spends most of his day in bed, fear is an exhausting emotion. On top of that he had a lot of unhealed injuries. They were also lucky to get him to eat two bare boned meals during the day. He wasn’t eating enough and it was taking a toll on his body. Feeling Zuko’s skeletal form under his clothes was the main thing Iroh didn’t miss about seeing him, holding him. There wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t skin and bones. It broke Iroh’s heart every time impossibly more. 

“You have a life and a family back in Ba Sing Se, right, uncle?” Zuko says quietly, snuggling into the bed, smiling sleepily. “I do, nephew, the tea shop, Jin, and her mother, Kora. But I also have a life and family here, in the Fire Nation with you and Azula.” He says, smiling as he brushes Zuko’s sweaty hair from his face. “If you think I’m going to abandon you, I’m not. I’ve been writing to Jin and Kora regularly. I miss them and they me, but they understand that right now, you need me more than they do, and the Fire Nation needs me more than the Jasmine Dragon.” 

“Well...I’m sure you’ll want to return to Ba Sing Se at some point in the near future. This wouldn’t be until after we deal with the nationalists...but I think that I should step down from the position of Fire Lord for good. I don’t think I’ll ever be fit to rule again. I-I just need to heal...I can’t do that and be a good Fire Lord. I’ve offered the position to Azula...she’s accepted. For her to be coronated, not be interim Fire Lord. I wanted to let you know. You don’t have to worry about me not being able to continue to heal when you eventually go back. I won’t have the position. ”Zuko says softly, holding Azula’s hand, she leans forward, kissing his forehead. 

Iroh wraps his arms around her gently. “Thank you, Azula. I’m so proud of the young woman you have grown into. The compassionate woman who prevailed. I’m sorry I did not do more to help you as my brother hurt you as a child.” He says, guilt filling him. He could have tried harder to help Azula as well. He saw her as someone who was crazy and not someone who was trapped. He only saw the soldier his brother had made her into, not the young girl that she was. “It’s better now. We’re a family now. All of us.” She says, helping Zuko sit back up as the three of them embrace each other. “Things are going to get worse for us soon...but they’re going to get better after that. We just need to get through this. We’ll protect you, brother. We all will.” Azula whispers, kissing Zuko’s head again before leaning against Iroh as well. 

The three of them eventually lay down, not wanting to hurt Zuko’s fragile body. They were a family, still holding each other, making sure Zuko knew he was safe, loved, and protected. They would make it through this. They had to. 

Sokka is sitting by the turtle duck pond, feeding them seeds and berries. Zuko had once seen Sokka feeding them bread and freaked out. Sokka had thought that something was seriously wrong, that Zuko was hurt, that Suki was hurt, that they were in danger...but it was just Zuko acting like it was a life threatening situation because apparently ‘turtle ducks shouldn’t eat large quantities of bread.’ Sokka decided not to press the situation and began feeding them ‘Fire Lord approved’ foods as Sokka called them much to Zuko’s annoyance. Zuko did take after his uncle in some ways that were annoying. Such as them both having something they were absolutely obsessed with. Iroh and his tea, and Zuko and his turtle ducks. It was cute though. The turtle duck thing, Sokka didn’t go around thinking that Iroh was cute when he was drinking tea...which was most of the time. 

“Hey, Sokka.” He hears his dad say as Hakoda sits down next to him. “Hey, dad.” He replies, handing his dad some seeds and he begins letting the turtle ducks eat from his hand. “I walked with Iroh for him to see Zuko today, I left after they opened the door.” Hakoda says, petting the mother duck. “Hmm, that’s very interesting.” Sokka replies as his dad gently smacks his head. “The part you would care about is that Zuko talked to me. I was outside of the room the whole time, wasn’t going to push it by going in, freaking him out, and ruining Iroh’s chances of getting Zuko to trust him again. Zuko didn’t freak out when he was me, he held an easy conversation with me...it was relatively brief. He asked who I was and when I told him he brought up the memory of us Ice Dodging.” Hakoda says, wrapping his arm around Sokka’s shoulder.

Sokka tosses the rest of the seeds into the pond and throws his arms around his dad. “H-he might be okay.” He cries softly, needing the man that he loved back. Hakoda’s presence had not scared him, he had spoken to him. “H-he’s healing.” Sokka whimpers. “He’s really healing.”

“He is, son. Don’t set your hopes too high. I think he will recover...depending on how things go with the New Ozai society...or nationalists I guess because he’s dead, fuck that guy, but if they go smoothly he should remain on track. I just want you to remember that just because he is making a lot of progress now doesn’t mean he always will be doing so, h-”

“Iyasu said healing comes in waves. Two steps forward one step back. He’ll make a little progress and then lose some of it or at least slow down. Just like he’s been doing with Iroh. Zuko has been putting a lot of trust in Iroh and then fearing him. That’s what it’s going to be like with everything. Eating, sleeping, walking, talking...his relationship with me.” Sokka says quietly, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Part of him had always known there would be a period of time where Zuko went between trusting Sokka and pushing him away desperately, but he had never really thought about it. Well, at least not until now. The idea of that broke his heart. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with his love snuggling up against him one day, drawing safety and comfort, the next fearing of sexual assault...worse would be if Zuko offered up his body to Sokka as fucking payment. Tui and La, he wanted to kill Ozai so many times. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Sokka. It’s going to take time, but you’ll get him back. You and Suki are good people, Zuko knows that. Before you know it you’ll be back in each other's arms. It’ll be okay.” Hakoda says, pulling Sokka to his chest. Sokka just cries, unable to hold it back anymore. He was so emotional right now. He was feeling a lot. He just wanted Zuko to be okay. He just wanted the third part of his heart back. He wanted Zuko to feel safe again. He wanted Zuko back. He wanted to undo the past, as impossible as it may be, he would pay any price. 

Katara is sitting in Iroh’s office, going over documents concerning Southern Water Tribe trade agreements with the Fire Nation. She wanted something to occupy her time with that wasn’t thinking about healing anyone, fighting with Zuko, continuing to unpack the fact that her mother isn’t really dead, dealing with Aang’s heavy absence, or any of the other things weighing on her mind. Bureaucratic bullshit would usually drive her up the wall but it is what she needed right now. It required her full attention to think about this properly. It was boring, speaking only of objects in quantities and frequencies, speaking of currency. It was a political and economic decision, not a complex ethical one that she had been dealing with for well over a month.

Hopefully, things were going smoothly with Iroh and Zuko. The fact that Iroh had been gone for so long made that a real possibility. That was unless Iroh was off moping somewhere about a new fight with his nephew, reopening barely closed wounds. Katara tried not to be bitter towards Zuko, but she was. She was still kind to him, she helped him, she would never hurt him, but she was mad at him. Hopefully Zuko would heal and would stop acting so cruelly. 

When they had first met, Zuko had protected himself with anger, that had kept people at arm's length. Anger was an emotion that fear could easily cower behind, could easily morph into, making the bearer feel it to be genuine. Anger prevented people from getting close to someone, it closed them off, made it so people wouldn’t bother to look for the cracks in the wall. Anger made someone friendless, made it so new alliances didn’t form. It also made it so the bearer wouldn’t be hurt again. Zuko’s ideology had been that if he scared everyone off, made it so they wouldn’t want to be around him, they wouldn’t touch him. There would be no cruel touches, but there would also be no loving ones. It was a sentence to lonesomeness and isolation. But the harder it is for them to touch you, the harder it is for them to hurt you. Zuko had put up a near impenetrable wall of anger, shielding him from the world for so long after being so deeply hurt by the man who was supposed to love him.

Zuko had let those walls down years ago. He was still tentative to trust, he had learned far too many times that touch meant pain. However, he would let people in, shielded by caution, not anger. It was a much less effective shield, but it let more people in. It allowed Zuko to form healthy relationships with people. It allowed him to love. It allowed him to feel safe and happy in the comfort of others. It allowed him to relearn that touch could be good. She remembered watching his interactions with her father, going from Zuko flinching at every move Hakoda made, to seeking out his embrace. It had warmed her heart to see her brother fill his heart with people that he loved, for her father to bring someone back to life, for her to gain a new friend, no matter how hesitant he was. 

Zuko had made relationships, and anger is a better shield than a method to purge your life of people. Anger does push people away, sometimes back out of reach, but mostly to the outer regions of one’s life. When someone has made strong, longitudinal bonds, it is harder for anger to drive them fully away. 

Zuko needed to decide when he needed these people away from him and unfeeling. Cruelty purges people fast. He had learned that very quickly. 

Katara hated how easily Zuko went from the timid man who wanted to be loved and feel safe to the screaming man, finding everything the offended party would be damaged most by. He was still very good at finding chinks in armor. He had found Katara’s easily. When he decided he didn’t want to be there anymore (it was usually very difficult to know what set him off) he would exploit everything that he knew about her. He would destroy her. He would get her to react to him. He had tried to manipulate her into killing him on multiple occasions and gotten close only at one point. She remembers she hit him, she remembers she wanted to smother him with the wet cloth, wanting to choke the life from him. 

Zuko had learned cruelty. Zuko had learned a new horrible way to protect himself. Katara hated him for it though she would never admit it to anyone but herself. It was her own shame that she would carry. 

She hears a screech from a messenger hawk, tearing her attention away from the agreement, looking at the window. She puts the scroll down and opens the window, allowing the bird into the room. She rummages around Iroh’s desk for a moment, locating the snacks that he fed the messenger birds, liking the idea of thanking the bird for its efforts. She takes the message, closing the window as she opens the letter. 

Her heart stops. It’s from the nationalists. It’s the specific instructions for the surrender of the royals. It is the last chance they have to make their final decision. They have five days.


	34. Chapter 34

The royal family has been given a reasonable consideration period for our earlier proposition. In five days, if you accept, an announcement will be publicly made announcing the marriage of Fire Lord Zuko. Three days following said announcement there will be a large gathering, the transfer of power being the center of attention, not the marriage. Three days after uniting our families, Zuko, along with everyone else in the palace will be allowed to leave, never to return to Caldera City again on pain of death. 

If no announcement is made, it will be assumed that the proposition has been declined. There will be a second siege on the palace and the throne will be taken by force. None of you will die fast, your heads will be staked outside as a warning. The Fire Nation must be redeemed, bringing itself back to power it deserves. A boy who cannot redeem his own honor cannot redeem his nations. 

Long live the Fire Nation dreamed by Phoenix King Ozai and Fire Princess Azula, and lead to the fall of Fire Lord Zuko and Fire Prince Iroh.

Katara had brought the letter to everyone’s attention. Azula had transcribed it and brought a copy of it to Zuko for him to read. He deserved to know, keeping him in the dark had only hurt him before and they had decided to tell him about this as well. It was his life.

Now, she had to watch as Zuko sobs uncontrollably, writhing in Iroh’s arms, shrieking in absolute terror, clutching so tight to the old man that he was leaving bloody marks on Iroh’s wrists. If Iroh even felt it right now with how wrapped up in his own emotions, he didn’t show it. If she didn’t know better she would have thought these were the screams of a man being burned alive. She knew exactly what that sounded like, and that man had deserved it, not this one. Sokka is gently rubbing Zuko’s stomach, whispering things that were drowned out by Zuko’s agonizing screams. Suki is gently massaging Zuko’s leg, something they had recently found out helped alleviate some of his chronic pain. Azula is just sitting at the end of the bed, feeling so angry, sad, terrified...but also completely empty. Tears she can’t control roll down her cheeks as she watches her broken brother scream in agony in terror. 

It was horrible to watch. Everyone wanted to see Zuko right now, to bring him comfort, but right now Zuko just needed his family. Too much would overwhelm him and make his mental state even worse than before. “We won’t let them get in, nephew. They won’t touch you. I will stand by my promise about keeping you safe, even if it’s an extreme measure. I swear to you.” Iroh’s voice is barely heard over Zuko’s hysterical screaming. 

Suki, Azula, and Iroh all give each other knowing looks at that comment. They all knew what they had promised Zuko. They all knew what had to be done if they got too close no matter how deeply it destroyed them. Zuko had to be protected. 

Sokka doesn’t even look up. He doesn’t get that the ‘extreme measure’ is killing Zuko, there is no need for him to be aware of that. He probably thought it was a particularly gruesome way of killing the intruders if he heard Iroh at all. Sokka wouldn’t allow that plan to go through. He wouldn’t leave Zuko for a second if he knew that was an option. They couldn’t have Sokka throwing Zuko into more terror if a quick death was removed from the table.

That meant that it had to work. They had to keep those monsters out of the palace. There was no other option. Their punishment for failing would be Zuko’s blood on their hands. They couldn’t let that happen.

It had almost been 20 minutes and Zuko amazingly hadn’t worn himself out yet. He was gasping for breath between choking sobs, writhing likely due to the pain associated with it. His throat was still likely completely ravaged from so much screaming and barely staying hydrated. Iroh had wanted to use Kya’s trick of getting him to drink water to calm down and hydrate him, but they had argued with him, reminding him that Zuko wouldn’t let people be near him while eating or drinking and that it would send him into more of a panic if they forced him to drink.

Zuko’s cries were getting less forceful as he began to run out of energy and air. Hopefully he will pass out soon. He could sleep, then when he woke up they could think this through. They could talk. Right now, Zuko just needed to cry. He needed to scream. He needed to let his fear and pain out.

“It’s okay, turtleduck, we’ll protect you, get some sleep.” Sokka says, kissing Zuko’s flushed and damp face as his cries fade out. “Get some rest, we’ll talk when you wake up. Please sleep my love. You need your energy.” He says, carding his fingers through Zuko’s black hair. Azula is glad that Zuko has found people like Sokka and Suki to spend his life with. No one should be tested like this, but they proved their loyalty and love to him 100 times over these past several months.

“Zuko offered me the position of Fire Lord a few days ago.” Azula says after Zuko had finally passed out, looking at Sokka and Suki. It’s news to them but neither look particularly surprised, Sokka actually looks relieved, likely glad that Zuko had no intentions of taking on the stress of leading the Fire Nation but recovering instead. “In the letter, they said that they wanted the Fire Nation that my father and I wanted to see. I think that we should have an announcement in five days time...but we announce my coronation. Maybe I can draw some of them out thinking it's some nationalistc move and me wanting my fathers supporters to back me on this...but it could be an ambush. We wouldn’t get everyone, but we would thin their numbers. We could take some back for interrogation. We could at least disrupt their plan.” Azula says quietly, very unsure of that plan but...it's better than just sitting here and hoping they keep these fuckers out. 

Everyone is silent, looking at her, the only interruption are Zuko’s quiet whimpers in his fitful sleep. “What? You guys have a better idea? Do you have a single, better idea? I’ll bring it up with everyone else and we can vote and bring Zuko’s to the table...but I’m not hearing anything, even from you, plan guy.” Azula says, looking at Sokka.

Sokka shrugs, wrapping his arms around Zuko’s trembling body, pressing soft kisses to his face and shoulders. “We need to do whatever we can to protect Zuko. You have my vote, Fire Lord Azula.” Sokka says, not taking his eyes off of Zuko’s blotchy face.

When Azula had brought Zuko the letter, everything had frozen for him. Part of him knew that this would be coming, that it wasn’t just an empty threat. But a real, tangible reminder of the fact that his nightmare wasn’t over was too much. It was all too much. So much of him hoped that this was some sick joke meant to test his emotions, his trust, his loyalty...but it wasn’t. Zuko knew in his bones that it wasn’t. He wanted to say something to the people around him, the people who loved and protected him from the world, but he couldn’t. 

When Zuko opened his mouth to say something a scream of anguish came out instead of words. Zuko’s mind and body became saturated with pure terror, reliving everything that had been done to him, imagining what was in store for him. His vision had gone blurry, barely able to make out the shapes around him, he had reached out to grab onto anything that would hold him reality.

He felt someone beneath the back of his head and then a pair of hands in his own, a voice he knew shushing him, telling him that he was okay, that he was safe. Zuko had clutched onto the hands, feeling something warm and wet begin to form on the others skin. Zuko was vaguely aware that he had dug his fingernails into the other set of hands, drawing blood. He couldn’t bring himself to let go.

He felt a large, firm, gentle hand press against his stomach, slowly trying to ease him, reminding Zuko of their presence. Trying to physically settle the terror churning in Zuko’s stomach with a kind and loving touch. Trying to heal scars and drive out his dark spirits with words of praise and affection. 

A third set of hands were pressed against his leg. Normally in this state of mind, this contact might scare him, having potential to become unwantedly intimate. But the hands move in a very caring and methodical way, pressing against his thigh, pushing pain from his body. It was soothing, he knew people had done this sort of thing for him before and it felt nice. It was helping...he couldn’t remember why and that was far from his biggest concern right now.

His captors wanted to be married to him. Zuko wasn’t sure who he would be forced to marry but they supported his father, were in the same organization as the people who did this to them. Zuko already knew exactly what would be expected of him. As a husband and a captive.

The letter said that Zuko would be allowed to leave, and he didn’t believe it, nor did anyone else. It was simply the way that would more likely ensure their victory than through force. They wanted to marry Zuko, they wanted to trap him, to keep him, to own him. On top of that...they wanted to bring the Fire Nation back to war. These nationalists couldn’t be allowed to have the throne. They couldn’t have him. Zuko wasn’t property, no matter how often that thought came back to him, reminding him of the opposite. 

Zuko knew he was weak now, physically and mentally. He couldn’t firebend, he couldn’t walk, he couldn’t eat or drink around people, he couldn’t even hear his own fucking name anymore. These new captors would relish in every weakness Zuko had been given in his time in captivity. His life would become ongoing suffering. 

Zuko knew he would be beaten and burned like he was underground. He would likely be starved and humiliated. He would definitely be passed around to anyone who wanted to use him, breaking him into smaller and smaller pieces. Making it so he could no longer be recognized. Making it so he begged for death at every opportunity. As he would once again be branded as property. 

All of his fears boiled inside of him, being expressed through his screams and tears. He could feel everything that would be and had been done to him, writing in pain on the bed. It became so hard to breath and he had to stop screaming to breath but he couldn’t. He just kept screaming.

Finally, after an eternity, strength begins to leave him, a pair of warm lips press chaste kisses to his face and shoulders, and he sinks into blissful unconsciousness. The only place in the world he is safe from cruel words and touches and greedy hands always demanding more of him. 

When he comes back to consciousness...he feels...awful. He has a terrible headache, throat raw, eyes bleary. He whimpers quietly, shifting a little, feeling that his head is resting in someone’s lap. Uncle. He thinks, hearing his slow, steady breathing of the man in sleep. “Turtleduck?” He hears someone say to his right. Zuko turns his head, blinking several times before two illuminating blue eyes meet his. “Sokka.” He says hoarsely, reaching his hand forward, cupping Sokka’s face.

“I-I’m scared, Sokka.” Zuko whimpers, trying to move himself closer to Sokka, wanting to be in his arms. “Want some help, my love? Can I hold you? Wanna go to the other bed? Just more room there.” Sokka says, gesturing to Suki asleep on the other side of the bed and Azula curled up at the foot of it. Zuko nods.

Sokka gently scoops Zuko off of Iroh’s lap and tucks him into the other bed, laying down next to him, holding him in his strong arms. “I-I don’t want t-to ma-marry one o-of them. Th-they’ll h-hurt me...w-won’t le-let me g-go.” Zuko chokes, pressing his forehead against Sokka’s lips, wanting to feel Sokka’s kiss again. He wanted to feel kisses that were more than affectionate but that didn’t demand anything from him, weren’t hungry as teeth bit into his skin, claiming more of his body, making it as claimed territory owned and controlled by another. He wanted to feel kisses that were loving, tender, and chaste, not forcing anything on him, not leaving behind anything but a warm feeling in his chest. 

“No one will take you, turtleduck. I won’t let them. We won’t let them. We’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, fire lily.” Sokka breaths softly, breaths hot against Zuko’s forehead, blushing a little. Zuko shifts his head so their heads are level. “K-kiss me?” Zuko whispers hopefully, eyes falling on Sokka’s soft, pink lips.

“With pleasure, darling.” Sokka replies, cupping Zuko’s cheek in his hand, slowly moving forward, pressing his lips against Zuko’s. Zuko gently kisses him back, running his fingers through Sokka’s soft, brown hair. This is how Zuko wanted to remember intimate kisses. This was the kind of memory he wanted to come to his mind. Someone who loved him pressing his lips against Zuko’s, fingers delicately tracing Zuko’s cheekbones and running though his hair, feeling love seeping into him. 

Zuko pulls away, making brief eye contact with Sokka. “I-I trust you, sea prune.” Zuko mumbles, pulling himself closer to Sokka’s chest, needing his warmth and comfort. “Thank you for trusting us, for trusting me, turtleduck, it means- wait what did you just call me?” Sokka giggles, expression going from relieved to bemused, warmth still in his eyes, quickly pressing his lips to Zuko’s cheek.

“You get to call me things that I like, I can do that too. I can’t remember much about them other than you raving about how good they are and no one from literally anywhere besides the Water Tribe likes them.” Zuko says, almost grinning a little. 

Sokka lets out a quiet snort of laughter. “So you get to be a flower and a little water guy and I have to be a fruit everyone complains about because they have an acquired taste, am I hearing that right?” Sokka asks, affectionately brushing a strand of hair from Zuko’s face. 

Zuko is about to apologize and beg for forgiveness on instinct as a flash of fear goes through him, before he remembers who he is with. He is with someone who is safe. Someone who would use his words to tell Zuko he didn’t want to be called something, not his fists. Zuko lets out a quiet cry, nuzzling in closer. “You heard me right you slimy sea prune.”

“You’re not even trying to make it sound cute.”

“I have bigger problems than making my boyfriend’s pet names sound cute.” Zuko replies, closing his eyes again wrapping an arm around Sokka, needing to be close to him. Needing to know that he was there. “I guess you do, snail sloth.” Zuko lets out a soft breath of laughter, sinking into Sokka’s warm, safe body, forgetting about the dangers the world held for him. Remembering only the safety that Sokka provided and the consistent promise of love and protection in his arms.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I learned recently: When you burn seven large boxes full of files and papers for your neighbor who was a hoarder, people give you weird looks because it looks like your covering up for big crimes. Also that I hate paper fires. There isn't enough air flow and it's hard and annoying to keep going and you gotta burn pallets to keep it going
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter:)

Everyone except for Zuko, Suki, and Sokka sit around the table. They had been summoned the night before and now all sit together in the morning, nervously looking at each other. Hakoda isn’t quite sure what this meeting is about but it is likely in reference to the letter that they recently received from the nationalists. He wished so much that Zuko trusted him. Hakoda wanted to hold his boy, tell him that they would protect him, let him fall apart in his arms. He knew that Zuko wouldn’t be taking this well. Apparently the only people who were allowed to see him right now were Azula, Iroh, Suki, and Sokka. At least he was trusting Sokka again. At least Sokka was with him now. 

Azula stands up, giving everyone a look that could set everyone ablaze. Could fire benders set people on fire by glaring? If anyone could it would be Azula. She looked exhausted, shaken, and ready to kill anyone who got near her brother. Good.

“I have exactly one plan for what we should do, after I pitch it, we can either listen to other ideas if anyone has a single better idea that doesn’t involve just trying out best to keep them out, or we can vote on it. Clear?” She says diplomatically, eyes scanning across the crowd. There is a chorus of affirmatives and some head nods, everyone looking at her expectantly.

“Zuko has offered me the position of Fire Lord, to be coronated and take over the position for him. He had offered this to me before the letter on the grounds that Iroh has a life back in Ba Sing Se he will one day like to return to, and Zuko doesn’t believe he can return to the position without compromising his well being if even able perform the task, for obvious reasons.” Azula says, looking sad. Likely for the fact that Zuko was never going to be the same again. Zuko knew that, she knew that, everyone knew that. He could mostly recover and relearn to trust and feel safe again...but he was never going to go back to how he was before. Some of this would follow him for the rest of his life. Zuko had been truly broken over and over again.

“Due to the fact that when I was removed from the hospital it was not made official, leaving no records of my stay or leave there as we assumed that recruiting me for help would be a more nuclear option that wouldn’t be considered only a few days into Zuko’s capture. My father seemed surprised to see me when I killed him, so I am assuming that if spies were ever set out on watch to the hospital, it was after my removal when recruiting me would become more plausible as you grew more desperate to find Zuko without restoring my father’s bending. In the letter, they had mentioned my name in the Fire Nation they want to create. On top of that, I haven’t left the palace often and when I have I don’t look how I used to, I doubt I have been recognized. There wouldn’t be reason to think that I have been spending a lot of quality time with my brother and you guys.” She says, scratching the back of her neck, breathing out slowly before continuing. 

“The day before they want us to make the announcement of Zuko’s marriage, I announce my coronation. I think we should stage a fight that would have occurred between uncle and I the day before that...which is two days from now. Screaming, some lightning and fire, that kind of stuff. Have burn marks everywhere in front of the palace. Everyone here will need to stay within the walls of the palace, not going outside, maybe they’ll assume you ran or were captured when Iroh lost, specifics don’t matter, what matters is you aren’t publicly welcome guests wandering around the palace freely. I’m hoping to contact my fathers supporters, bring as many of them to an isolated part of the palace as possible for my coronation. They all know that Zuko is here and likely that he isn’t doing well, physically or mentally. I can say something about him begging for mercy, him not being able to firebend and me finding out about the New Ozai society though him. When we have them here, we kill them. Maybe try and capture a few and interrogate them for information. We only capture the weakest members who can be safely held. We crush their hands and keep them bound at all times. They do  _ not  _ get a chance to hurt Zuko. Best case scenario we get some information on them and thin out their numbers. Worst case...I don’t know what they’ll do to manipulate me on the throne to their advantage. Maybe it would bring more people to the New Ozai society now that his favored and groomed daughter is on the throne.” Azula growls, growing agrier with each sentence. Hakoda was surprised she hadn’t snapped the edge of the table off with how hard she was gripping it. 

The room is silent, everyone still looking at her. “Well?!” She screams, slamming her fist on the table. “They are coming for Zuko. If they get him they’ll hurt him. We  _ need  _ to protect him.” she growls, body trembling a little. “Zuko, Suki, and Sokka agree with this plan. Ask them yourselves if you don’t believe me after this meeting but please; If anyone has a better idea I am open to it. I know it's a long shot but does anyone have a single better idea?”

“You have my support, Azula.” Iroh says quietly, giving her a sad look. 

The room goes silent once again and to Hakoda’s surprise (and by the looks of it to everyone else’s) Bato speaks up. “Considering the fact that this is our only cohesive plan besides protecting the palace walls and turning it into more of a castle in a short period of time, I don’t think anyone is against this plan. I think this meeting should be more about specifics such as what to do with Zuko and Aang and specific strategy. This isn’t a particularly controversial pitch like it was when we weren’t sure if we should tell Zuko about the first letter. Even if anyone does have any opposition to it, they will likely be outvoted due to how it is going so far. Anyone who is against this plan raise your hand.” 

The room is still, everyone’s attention focused on Bato. Bato may be a man of few words and may not always take on the role as the leader of the group, but he knew how to when necessary. He was bright, brave, loyal, strong, handsome...not that was at all important to his ability to be a good soldier or take charge of a meeting when he felt like he had something to say. It was just something that came to his mind and Hakoda swore that there was a space of his mind that hadn’t matured past the age of 16...Kya and Bato would argue that he was just thinking of the entirety of his brain. 

No hands are raised, but Katara looks confused. “What do you mean ‘do about Zuko and Aang’? We keep Zuko safe and we tell Aang to get here. He’s a very powerful bender and the Avatar at that, having him here will give us an advantage. We send Hawkey out as soon as we finish this meeting, I got a letter from him this morning.” She then gives Hakoda an annoyed look. “I miss him and keep up with him, it’s nothing relevant to anyone but me and him. I’m a grown woman, dad.” Hakoda raises his hands in defense, realizing as soon as she had spoken that he had given her  _ that  _ look. 

“He’s a powerful bender...but if Azula takes the throne in a state that she still believes and is loyal to her father even in death, she wouldn’t welcome the Avatar into the palace. If we write him a letter to tell him to not come to the palace for the raid, he will  _ definitely  _ come to the palace for the raid. He’s hard to disguise with his full body tattoos and his flying bison...and considering the fact that these nationalists would be aware that the Avatar is a friend of Zuko’s, he was somehow able to travel the world as the most wanted criminal and only be caught once, they will be watching for him to come back as well...if they even know he’s gone. They probably do considering he’s hard to miss and it’s not a secret.”

“Fuck, fucking dumb idiot I didn’t even fucking think of that fucking fuck!” Azula moans, tipping her head back in frustration before looking back at them. A smile tugs at Hakoda’s mouth. Hakoda had wondered if Zuko’s mouth came from just being him or if it came from living with sailors for three years. The ship clearly wasn’t where all of it came from. Kya had once reprimanded Hakoda for his bad language in front of the kids but it was in vain. One of the first few words Katara had said was ‘shit’. Hakoda wasn’t allowed to sleep in the bed for a week. Now after living with soldiers and then between bouts of being alone and bits of time with vagabonds and criminals, her language was still better than his...but not by much. Azula would fit in well with the rest of the family. Bato would hate that, Hakoda was already loving that. He pulls his thoughts away from his happier thoughts and back to the issue. 

“For those attending my coronation I would open the invitation to those who wanted to see the Fire Nation thrive again as it once had under the rule of my father on top of the nobles or whatever. Aang could come here to fight me on the day of my coronation...I could threaten to hurt Zuko...this would depend on if Zuko would be willing to let me do that and I could apprehend him. He could be cuffed and led away into the palace where he would really just be let go...I don’t know, I’m spitballing. I just think we’ll have a better chance of getting rid of these fuckers with Aang. I’m with Katara...we need him.”

“Why do you have to threaten Zuko? Don’t do that.” Iroh says, worried.

“It’s not like he would just give up easily, and we can’t fake a present moment battle between the fully realized Avatar and a fire bending prodigy. We can’t do that without hurting each other, someone else, or scaring the absolute shit out of Zuko. I won’t hurt Zuko, I would never hurt Zuko. I vote that we ask him if he is even willing to participate with that part of the plan before we even argue over the details. What’s the point of having a detailed plan that hinges on the cooperation of one traumatized man and he may say no. Kya...I think this would be best for him to hear from you. Tell him that for my coronation I want to bring him out onto the stage with me. He doesn't need to be front and center, he can kind of hide in the back right of it. I think it would be best to show the normal citizens that he is alive and I didn’t kill him and also to show my crazy supporters that I showed up to the palace, found my brother like this after what was done to him and still support my father. I could also say that Zuko is off limits to them, which might give him a little more safety. I don’t know how long it will take to get as many people as possible into the palace. Days maybe. We need to fucking kill as many as possible. When Aang shows up I would threaten to kill him with a fire blast or something. I don’t know, something to that effect. We’ll work out details later if he even says yes. Okay?” 

Kya stands, nodding once and leaving the room. Hakoda didn’t like any of this. 

  
  
  
  
  


Zuko is lying on his side, wrapped in Sokka’s and Suki’s arms. Sokka is behind him, carefully spooning him, running his fingers through Zuko’s hair, whispering kind words to him, pressing gentle kisses to his face. Suki is in front of him, one arm draped over him and Sokka, occasionally pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, reminding him of his safety and how loved he was. SHe hadn’t done that in the past hour but it was still nice that she was gently holding him, keeping him safe. Zuko genuinely feels safe and loved like this. He almost feels happy.

Well, until Kya came in. 

“Hey sweetie.” He hears a gentle voice say. Zuko looks up a little, luckily he doesn’t have his back to the door, he doesn’t have to crane his neck around Sokka. “Hey, mom.” Sokka says, kissing the back of Zuko’s head. “Not you, asshat. The sweet one.” Sokka scoffs a little and in another time Zuko may have laughed. He stays silent, looking at Kya. “Yes, ma’am?” He says quietly, the feeling of warmth and security having been removed from him, feeling cold and scared again. How he normally felt when he wasn’t in a little cloud of ignorance. How he felt when someone else came into the room ever, adding another variable to his life

Kya looks nervous. She probably has bad news for him. Someone was always telling him something bad. Zuko clutches tighter onto Suki, burying his head in her shoulder. “What’s happened, ma’am?” Zuko asks nervously. Were they here? Was there something new? Something worse? 

“Nothing happened sweetie...we’re coming up with the specifics of a plan for how to protect you, I know you’ve agreed to Azula be crowned as Fire Lord and drawing these nationalists out to thin their numbers...but there is something that we are thinking about that involves you. We wanted to get your approval before we put much effort into specifics. Okay?” Kya says softly, gently resting a hand on Zuko’s shoulder. “Y-yes.” He whimpers. 

“It’s okay, turtleduck.” Sokka says softly, kissing Zuko again. “We’ll protect you. You’re safe.” He says as Zuko moves his head away from Suki, tucking his head under Sokka’s chin so he can see Kya better. It’s then when he realizes Suki is asleep.

“We will, sweetie.” Kya says softly. “For Azula’s coronation...she wants you to come out onto the stage with her. We’re assuming the nationalists will think she is still locked up somewhere. It’s to show Ozai’s supporters that she broke out, found you like this and still supports her father. Also how she found out about them through you. Also, if any of  _ them  _ mention you she can say something about you no longer being a threat, that you’ve internalized your father’s control, and you're off limits to them, giving you another layer of protection. You can sit in the back right corner for less visibility if you would like.” Zuko already hated this plan. He didn’t want to be seen like this by so many people or at all, he didn’t want the men here, but he nods tentatively, tears forming in his eyes. He just wants to be safe, he wants to get the men away from him, he doesn’t want them touching him. He  _ needs  _ to be safe even if his nation sees how weak he has become.

“Aang is a powerful bender, he isn’t here right now. To bring him back we want him to show up at Azula’s coronation and challenge her to a fight. Because they are both highly skilled we don’t think they can fake a real fight that will convince the nationalists. It isn’t worth the risk. Others may get hurt as well. She wants to threaten you and Aang will give himself up. He’ll be apprehended but brought into the palace and prepped to fight.” Kya says, looking at him sadly.

Zuko feels himself trembling a little, clutching onto Sokka’s arms, tears now spilling down his cheeks. “H-how w-will she threaten m-me?” He whimpers. He isn’t sure if he could handle a knife being pressed against his body without completely freaking out. If he even  _ heard _ the sound of a whip he didn’t know what he would do to himself, but death would be better than feeling one strike his back even one more time. “She said something about a fire ba-”

“No fire!” Zuko shrieks, turning around and burying his face in Sokka’s chest, trembling violently. He could feel the men's hands pressing against his helpless and exposed body, letting fire burn at cloth ties around him, fire climbing up to his face, smoke surrounding him. He hears Sokka shushing him, rocking him gently. It’s then he realizes he’s audibly crying. “Hey, I’m sorry sweetie. I’ll tell them no, i-”

“I-it’s okay. I-I just need them gone. I-I need to b-be safe, they need t-to be gone. J-just no fire a-and no whips.” He sobs into Sokka’s chest. “Sweetie, why would we have a-”

“Just  _ please.  _ Promise me...then it's okay.” He says, beginning to calm himself down a little, thankful he had Sokka right now. “Okay, sweetie. I’ll tell them. We’ll keep you safe, I swear to you.” She says, leaving the room.

“You’re so brave. So, so brave, turtleduck.” Sokka whispers, kissing Zuko’s hand when he brings it to his mouth. “I-I love you.” Zuko mumbles. He was grateful for Sokka...but he didn’t feel brave. He wasn’t brave. He was a broken man just trying to put himself back together, the others finding pieces for him, helping hold him together as best they could. It was never going to be enough. They would never be able to find all of him. So much of him had been lost or destroyed deep in the dark, guarded by the ghost of his father, sneering at him, ready to pounce. Ready to claim him. Ready to make Zuko his property again. 

  
  
  
  
  


They had all been fighting about what to do for hours. When they had broken for lunch they had agreed to at least send a letter to Aang that said:

**Aang,**

**We are coming up with a plan on how to deal with the nationalists who are coming for Zuko. We have included a transcribed message of the second letter that they sent to us. Please read this whole letter before doing anything else.** **_Anything._ ** **We are going to likely need your skills if this turns into an ugly altercation and will need you back at the Fire Nation, however, we are working on a plan that would involve Azula taking the throne and your arrival would be ill timed for this to work. Please begin to return to the Fire Nation but do** **_not_ ** **return to Caldara City.**

**We need you in close proximity so you can reach us in time but not so close that you are spotted. We have one chance to give us an upper hand and we can’t risk losing it to someone spotting Appa. Depending on the direction that you are coming in, stay in Zuko’s manor at Ember Island, or camp at the Sun Warrior ruins or the black cliffs. Do not fly over the capital to get to one of these places.**

**If you ignore this you are endangering all of ours and especially Zuko’s safety. We know that you want to protect him and we know that he is your friend but charging in will not help him. We know that that is what you want to do. You can’t. We will take it as blatant disregard for Zuko’s wellbeing and safety. Here are a list of threats that will ensue if you disregard this request:**

**Katara will break up with you and then immediately go see if Haru is still single, Hakoda will disown you as his son, and Sokka, Suki, Azula, and Toph will hunt you the fuck down. None of us want that. Listen to us Aang.**

  
  


Aang was stubborn and they couldn’t have him rushing in like that. Katara knew she wouldn’t actually break up with Aang and even if she did she definitely wouldn't immediately go find Haru. Aang probably knew that but they couldn’t risk him getting Zuko hurt out of pride and stubbornness. She had sent the letter with Hawkey, hoping he would find Aang fast. 

After fighting with everyone for over half the day at this point, the only things she had learned was that Zuko was terrified of Fire even if it was 30 feet away from him, and that he had definitely been whipped. She figured that those were what the bloody marks mauling his back and arms were when he had been found...but now it was confirmed. That made it so much worse. Zuko had endured far too much in his lifetime and he likely would have to endure more.

Zuko had agreed with the plan, but they couldn’t use fire. Azula suggested that the guard holding Zuko’s chair holds a knife to his throat. Kya is opposed to the idea all together now, yelling about how Zuko started crying at the suggestion of it and that even if he said it was fine but he obviously didn’t want to do it. This had turned into a shouting match between her and Azula about how where Zuko was scared he understood the alternative and that this was his best option. 

Under other circumstances Katara would have been touched by how concerned mom was for Zuko’s wellbeing. She hadn’t hidden the fact that she didn’t like the idea that Sokka was dating him...well she hid that from Sokka...not the others. She also didn’t hide the fact from them that she didn’t like Zuko at all before even meeting him. Now she was here defending him tooth and nail. It was really near impossible to not see Zuko and not want to show him what it was like for someone to care about him. To wrap him in a hug and give him a large bowl of warm soup when noticing his weight. It was like that even before this as well. Katara didn’t understand how someone could see him and not want to do that...let alone how they could want to hurt him. She didn’t understand how anyone could want to hurt him. 

It had been so touching to see him come out of his shell for the first time years ago. Almost with a childlike innocence discovering that people could be kind, that the world could be beautiful as he sat down at meals with people who loved him, as he looked at flowers he found, examining them closely, as he would hold her brother’s hand and look away from him, blushing furiously at the casual intimacy. Learning how to love.

Watching him do this again was...heartbreaking. It wasn’t like before where he had lived a life calloused cruelty and was finding out that life was more than surviving. She had watched him find out what it was like to have real friends who were always there for him, an odd family that had been led by Hakoda aggressively adopting him after Iroh left for Ba Sing Se. Learn that he could have a healthy relationship with people who were kind to him, who wouldn’t use him, who loved him. Katara knew Zuko had actually dated Jet...she had had a stupid fucking crush on that asshole but Zuko had actually been with him at a vulnerable point in his life. He never told her about him, but she knew that had really messed up his perception of relationships.

Now he was trying to remember the love that Sokka and Suki had for him...always anticipating there being a catch for their love and affection. How he always expected the people around him to expect something more. How he was trying to learn that people being close to him wasn’t a form of manipulation. He was so scared. He was so broken.

Now they were arguing about showing the fact he was vulnerable to the nation, something they all knew he didn’t want even if he agreed to it. Not only that, they were going to threaten him...he wasn’t going to do well with that. He was definitely going to freak out no matter how much preparation he was given. Maybe that was a good thing? Maybe it would convince those fuckers that Zuko was being held there? It was still going to hurt Zuko for a long time if that happened.

By evening all they had decided was that they hated this plan but had no other options. They decided that if they didn’t have a better plan the day they announced that Azula would be coronated, they would go forth with this one. Azula would be coronated four days after the announcement. This was their option. This was their best hope at keeping Zuko safe. 

She hated it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think:) Also if there is anything you want to happen, I am literally making this up as I go. So much of what is happening is because I realized I shouldn't have made something happen and now need to fix it for what I want to happen to happen


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year y'all. Fuck 2020. I am well aware that all of the issues in 2020 won't disappear with the arbitrarily assigned measurements of time, but I will live in ignorance for the next few hours because I want to.

“Well this changes things.” Jai says calmly, looking at his companions around the table. Azula had announced her coronation that morning after chaos behind the palace walls was heard and seen the night before. When she had appeared before the crowd she had gathered she had appeared very well and stronger than before. She appeared to be ready for battle, ready to change the tides of the Fire Nation and by extension, the world. She was ready to make the Fire Nation a safe haven for its citizens where it would not fear attack. Where it could outmatch any other army coming to harm them. She had invited the New Ozai society to her coronation publicly, apparently having heard of them from her brother who was back in the palace but had yet to be seen. 

Her message was short and to the point. She would be coronated in four days and she had asked for the presence of any who supported her father and by extension, her. She wanted to speak with them and be caught up on what had happened after her imprisonment. She wanted to see how their spirits had not been yet crushed and that they still supported her despite the traitorous actions of her brother. Anyone who was a part of the New Ozai society would know what had happened to Zuko. Her mind was still keen. 

“We can’t be sure that she wants to continue bringing the Fire Nation to glory and strength. Her intentions can be sought out when we get a chance to speak with her. She can likely be negotiated with, even if those are not her intentions as of now, she understands how to wield and use power properly.” Zaki replies, pointer fingers together, pressed against his lips as he looks down, appearing pensive. “Do you know where she has been? Zuko hospitalized her, correct?” Raoki asks, eyebrows knit.

There is a chorus of hesitant agreement. “I think that Azula is the best person to have on the throne as of now. She is who Phoenix King Ozai wanted to succeed him. She is the one best suited to carry on his legacy but there could be complications. A traitor, likely Iroh, burned Ozai to death. He asked the 12 of us to lead everything on the homefront if anything were to happen to him and the other 12 who held Zuko. Ozai is dead and we cannot end his legacy in shame. We have to be careful.” Raoki continues. “Azula may have been compromised, she may no longer be as strong willed to bring the Fire Nation to glory. Hopefully, those are already her goals and if not she can hopefully see reason. We need to see what her goals are and if they are not to continue the legacy of the Phoenix King, we must reconvene.”

“What if Azula is compromised? What if she won't bring the Fire Nation to glory? Do we kill her?” Lee asks, looking at them nervously. No one wanted to kill the Fire Princess. She was Ozai’s prize heiress to the throne...but she may not be willing to bring glory. “I’m not sure.” Jai replies after a long moment of silence. “Let’s first see what she has become on the day of her coronation, then we can assess the situation. No need to worry ourselves with possibilities that may not exist.”

“Send word to the others, we’ll bring more to the capital ready to meet with the new Fire Lord. If she is deemed worthy to restore safety and strength to the Fire Nation and it once had, more can join. We should also send a letter to Azula, and let her know of our support. Can we agree on this for now?” Sao says flatly, eyes scanning over the others. “We will want the others in the area to join the force to help Fire Lord Azula come to her power, but having everyone there at once with a specific goal may only lead to trouble. Meeting adjourned” 

“I-I want t-to st-stay here...pl-please don’t ma-make me move.” Zuko whimpers, clutching onto the mattress with all of his strength, which admittedly isn’t much. This room has become his world, he knows what all of it looks like, how it feels, what it hides. It’s safe. He doesn't want to go anywhere else. He wants to be here.

“Brother...I know you’re scared. I’m going to move you to Sokka’s room. I don’t know exactly what is going to happen with the nationalists but they’ll probably be here for several days while we gather more of them into the palace. Sokka’s room can be locked and I’ll be holding him in there with you. It’s also closer to the only place where Toph can block off a section of the palace where the others can hide that won’t raise questions. I know you want them close to you, they can make good on their promise easier if need be. Okay?” Azula says softly, running her fingers through Zuko’s hair, kissing his forehead. 

Zuko shakes his head. He hates this plan. He hates it so much. He’s in too deep to say so now. He wants to break down screaming, he wants to punish himself for being so stupid, he wants father, he wants to die. 

“Will you at least be willing to give the room a chance? I’ll take you there and please just sit in the bed for a little bit. Sokka, Suki, Toph and Kya are there right now. Give it a chance?” Zuko lets out a quiet whimper, reaching his hands up and wrapping his arms around Azula’s neck as she lifts him off the bed and gently puts him in the wheelchair. 

“Blanket?” He whimpers softly, wanting to hide from everyone, not wanting to be seen as they walk down the hallway. Azula gently places a blanket on him, covering his head as he curls up as tights as he can, pulling it close. “You know you can’t do this at the coronation, brother.” Azula says softly as she begins pushing how down the hall. “Y-yesss.” He hisses, shaking with quiet sobs. “I’m so, so sorry. I wish that this wasn’t what was happening right now. I wish that we could just have you back and let you heal. I’m so sorry.”

Zuko slips one of his hands out of the blanket and touches Azula’s. “I-I lo-love you, Azula. Th-thank you f-for doing th-this. I-I hate i-it too...b-but I know the position y-your putting yourself i-in not just w-with them but the country.” Zuko chokes out, still crying. The public was going to hate Azula, possibly thinking she had done this to Zuko and if not she at least condoned it. They would think she was using him as a prop...well she was...but not for her own gain. She was putting herself in a lot of danger with the men, with the public, with the world. “I love you too, brother.” 

They walk in silence the rest of the way, the only noise was the wheelchair and when Zuko let out a cry that could be heard. Finally, Zuko hears a door close behind him and feels the blanket being moved off of him. “There you are, turtleduck.” Sokka says affectionately, picking him up gently. Zuko immediately latches onto him, continuing to cry. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ll be with you the whole time. You know I’m going to be kept in here with you. I’ll protect you. The others are right above us. Toph will know if somethings wrong. I promise you’re safe.” Sokka mumbles, rocking Zuko’s long, skinny body in his arms. 

Zuko lets out a quiet whimper in response, gripping tighter onto Sokka as he feels Sokka walk across the room. He lets out a loud cry as he’s placed on the unfamiliar bed. “It’s okay sweetie, you’re okay.”

“K-kya?” Zuko whimpers, turning his head to see Sokka’s mother giving him a small, but sad smile. “Yeah, sweetie. I wanted to teach you something that might calm your mind, keep you distracted from everything, and might help with your hands a little. They still shake pretty bad. It might help you also get situated in your new space. Is that okay with you, sweetie?” Zuko nods as Sokka tucks him under the covers, Zuko beginning to calm down from his earlier minor break down.

This room isn’t like the hospital room at all. The hospital room had two pretty large beds, big enough for Zuko, Sokka, and Suki to comfortably fit on it snuggling together with a little extra space. This room had one bed that was a little smaller than both of the hospital beds put together. Instead of dark red sheets, they are a deep blue. Water Tribe blue. Zuko’s mind provides. Zuko smiles softly, vague memories of the Water Tribe people surrounding him, offering him a home in the south where he was loved and accepted. Where the fathers he came to know weren’t cruel to their children...or at all. They knew how to be vicious when protecting their home, but never needlessly cruel like many in the Fire Nation. Like his own. Blue, the color of the sea and sky. The color of Sokka’s eyes as they offered him love and kindness after everything Zuko said and did. 

The blue felt a lot more soothing than the glaring red. He felt gently swaddled in it. He felt safe and cared for in it. Right then he decided that he liked blue more than he liked red. The room felt a little more soothing to him despite its many unknown features. It could be hiding unknown cruelty...but he felt safe. The gentle color, Sokka sitting next to him, his arm around his shoulder. Suki on Zuko’s other side, holding his hand, Toph sitting at the end of the bed with one foot touching the ground, Kya sitting cross legged next to Toph, and Azula on the far side of the room putting the wheelchair away where it could be used later. 

“Sokka is going to stay here with you, but I am going to be disguised as a scullery maid. I won’t be recognized as I have been missing for almost two decades and have been dressed as a Fire Nation commoner the entire time I have been in the palace. I’ll be the one bringing you two meals and I’ll come to see you, alright?” Zuko nods, trying to give her a smile but can’t as he curls up on himself instead. 

“Would you like me to show you what I wanted to teach you? It helps occupy your mind with something else.” Zuko nods vigorously, needing something to distract him from all of this terror. “Please.” He whimpers, lifting his head so he could see Kya and the others. 

Kya hands Zuko two long, metal needles with a pointed but not sharp tip and wide backs and a ball of blue spun wool. “What’s this?” Zuko asks, confused, he remembers vaguely seeing older women holding these and making things with them when he was in the Earth Kingdom. “Mom, no, you are not teaching my boyfriend how to knit. The Fire Nation is hot as fuck and he doesn’t need warm clothes or need to know how to knit. Please don’t do this.”

“Sokka, you need to watch your fucking language.” Kya responds, causing Zuko to let out a soft breath of laughter. “Also, he can do what he wants and he needs a distraction right now. I think this would be good for him.” Kya responds, flipping Sokka off as if she were someone his age and not his mother. “I think it would be cute, and I’m with Kya on the grounds he needs something calming and repetitive to keep his mind occupied. Also, Kya...can you teach me how to knit?” Suki says, smiling warmly at her. 

Zuko isn’t sure she wants to learn because she has the opportunity or because she wants to spite Sokka. It’s likely a mix of both. “I like this idea because Snoozles doesn’t. Also, Kya, can I have a needle to sharpen and stab people with?” Toph asks enthusiastically. “No, Toph.” Kya replies. “But I’ll teach you as well. I got some supplies from town a few days ago. I wanted to show you, also, Sokka, you’re learning as well.” She says, handing Toph the pair of thick, metal needles. The rest are thinner. 

Sokka grumbles and whines a little about how ‘the fire nation is hot’ and ‘knitting is stupid’ and ‘knitting isn’t going to help protect people’. Everyone ignores him. Zuko looks around for Azula, but she must have left. He misses her already. He wants her back here. She’s doing so much for him right now and he needs to make up for how horribly he had treated her in the past to try and feel safe. He had taken out his anger on her so much and she had stayed with him nonetheless. He doesn’t say anything about it though. He needs to stay calm.

“So this is the most difficult step, and it's called throwing the needle.” Kya says, showing everyone on her needle, she helps Zuko, Suki, and Sokka (who complained the whole time but did it) until they were able to do it properly, doing it and undoing it until they memorized it. Kya guides Toph’s hands, showing her how to properly latch her fingers around the yarn and loop it around the needle until she understands how to do it as well. She then begins to show them how to actually begin knitting. How to hook the tip of the needle under the first loop and wrap the yarn around the tip of the other needle, pulling it through, leaving it on the second needle, a stitch made. Surprisingly, Toph takes the shortest amount of time to learn how to do it. “Ha ha! Blind bandit beats all of you bitches again! Suck it!” She says loudly enough to make Zuko flinch a little. “Sorry, Sparky.” She says softly. “It’s okay.” 

As they get the hang of the movements Kya talks to them, her calm voice soothing Zuko’s nerves, her stories that he knew had a happy ending where she was reunited with her family. He didn’t have to worry about how they ended like he does with his. It’s comforting. 

“I mostly taught the boys I lived with in the prison how to sew as that was the most practical thing for them to learn. They used it a lot to mend their clothes, and I didn’t have to mend for six people anymore which was nice. Teaching others not only allows you to pass on knowledge to others where they are more able to fend for themselves and improve their lives, but it takes the weight of that knowledge off of your shoulders, spreading it evenly. It can apply not only to the metaphorical weight of sharing your troubles with those close to you but also in the literal sense as this.” Kya says, almost absently, a smile on her face. She reminded him of uncle at that moment. She sure did sound like him. Broad stories with morals that don’t seem to connect at all. May tie to the fact that she was mostly alone for about eight years. Either way, she was kind and Zuko liked her. 

“I also taught them how to knit, but that was a far less practical skill. As my son helpfully pointed out, the Fire Nation is...what is it Sokka, you wanna say it?” Kya teases, smiling at Sokka. She really had exclusively lived with young men for a long time. “Hot as fuck, mom.” Sokka grumbles, glaring at his needles as he keeps dropping stitches. Zuko can’t help but smile as little as he himself forms neat rows of stitches that drop down from his needles. They aren’t as nice as Kya’s, but they’re relatively straight and of similar size. He likes this, it’s calming. “We mostly just knit and undid what we knit and then knit the yarn again on bad days where we couldn’t go out and there was nothing else productive to do. We would sit around the smaller indoor fire and tell stories or jokes, drink tea, this moonshine that wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and knit.” She says, adjusting Suki’s hold on her needles a little. 

“Mom, you drank moonshine?” Sokka asks, face lighting up. “Yes, but I also brewed it.” Kya says, not looking up, helping Zuko with a stitch he almost dropped. “Fuck, mom, you know how to brew liquor? When did you get so cool?” Sokka whines. “When I was forcibly removed from my home and held in a prison against my will with five young men who wanted to go home. Do you not remember exactly how I got here?” Kya deadpans. 

“Oooohhh, one for Sokka’s mom!” Toph says, shoving Sokka a little who shoots her a glare. Zuko gives Kya a tiny grin, gently resting his head on Sokka’s shoulder, letting out a slow breath. He felt calmer. He was still very, very uneasy. Fuck it, he was terrified. But he felt better. There were good people around him. There were people he trusted who he loved and who loved him. “Thank you, Kya.” Zuko says softly, giving her a weak smile. “You’re welcome, sweetie. We’ll keep you safe. We’ll do anything for you. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The knitting idea was brought to you by aggie_141 and I thought it was cute and this is how and why he is learning it. My boy now has a hobby to calm his nerves and begin steadying his hands again.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh so this is as of today a month old. I am realizing I have torn through writing this boi.

Kya let Zuko keep most of her knitting supplies. She watched as he visibly relaxed in the repetitive motions, his hands growing more steady, breath returning to an even pace, and resting gently against Sokka. Zuko was going to need anything that could help him get through this next stretch of time. Azula’s coronation would be in three days, and today was almost over. Zuko’s tormentors would be in the palace. They would have access to him. This was where Zuko was supposed to be safe...but that was going to be taken from him in moments. 

Suki and Toph had left the room to situate their hiding place properly. Plans with Aang had already been set along with proper timing for the coronation, that was the most difficult part, but it was done. They were going to be stuck behind walls for days at a time and they needed to make sure that it was comfortable and stalked with non-perishables. They couldn’t risk one of the nationalists seeing a servant bringing food to a stone wall. They had all agreed that it wasn't worth the risk.

It was now just Kya, Sokka, and Zuko together in Sokka’s room. Zuko was still working on his knitting project. At some point she may teach him how to make something that wasn’t scarf like. It seemed that for now it was just helpful for Zuko to have something to do with his hands and focus on. 

“How are you feeling, turtleduck? Is this room going to be okay? Will you stay here with me?” Sokka asks gently, pressing a kiss to Zuko’s temple. Zuko looks up at him offering a small smile. “Yes...I think this will be okay.” He says quietly, moving closer to Sokka. “I love you, Sokka.” He mumbles, gently setting his needles down and wrapping his arms around her son.

Kya smiles as the two embrace, Sokka softly comforting his boyfriend and Zuko professing his love. She feels bad for having harbored so much hate for Zuko before she met him. She had pictured him as someone who just used her son for whatever he wanted. Someone who didn’t respect him. Kya had been worried that for Zuko, this relationship was some kind of fling and that Sokka was going to get his heart broken. She could tell that Sokka had fallen for this guy when he told her about him. She had never imagined Zuko to be someone who sought out affection and gave it willingly. Someone who regularly reaffirmed his feelings for Sokka. Someone who looked at her son like he was the greatest thing in the world. Yet, here they were. 

Kya just wished she had been able to meet Zuko before all of this happened to him. Be able to give her love and support for the two of them and Suki when so much of what made a third of their relationship what it was had been stripped down to survival mode and broken. She wishes she could teach Zuko how to knit around a warm fire in the South Pole to learn how to use every part of the hunted animals. How to stay warm in the coldest parts of the world. Not as a method to tame his fear and to distract him from a very real threat coming back to torment him. She prays she can one day take this boy and tell him that he is safe and truly mean it. Tell him that there is no one after him. Tell him that he has no more reason to fear for his safety. 

“Kya?” She hears Zuko’s small, raspy voice say. She turns and sees him looking at her. “Yes, sweetie? Do you need something? You hungry?” She asks, hoping that he’ll eat something. He’s far too skinny. This isn’t good for him. Every time she sees his gaunt face, eyes now appearing too large, she wants to hold him and beg him to eat. He  _ needs  _ to gain weight. He’s dangerously thin, it’s bad. Her mother's instinct may be part of what makes that urge so strong for her, but she knows the others feel the same way. He’s very prone to getting sick like this, if he caught something it could kill him.

To her dismay, Zuko shakes his head. “I just wanted to thank you, for everything. Y-you remind me of my mother...at least how I remember her. My memories are still bad despite Iyasu’s help and she disappeared when I was nine.” Kya gives him a sad look. She isn’t sure if it is because Zuko was left alone with his father’s cruelty by his mother or that his memory was still terrible because of being fucking drugged and tortured. “Th-that’s a good thing!” Zuko says, almost scared, looking at her expression. He must have thought that her expression was disdain for his comment and not sorrow for his situation. “M-my mom was kind and I-I loved her.” Zuko says, looking down.

“Thank you, sweetie. I wasn’t upset by the comment, I was sad that you’ve been so hurt by the world.” Zuko gives her a smile, running his fingers over Sokka’s hand. “Thank you, ma’am.” He mumbles. “Get some sleep, sweetie. Get used to being here. It’s all going to be okay.” Zuko bites his lip, letting out a small whimper. He was fucking terrified. He had every right to be. 

  
  
  
  
  


Toph wasn’t sure what these rooms once were, it looks kind of like they were supposed to be comfortable holding cells...but definitely in a strange place. Maybe for people who got aggressive over a disagreement or after drinking too much and there needed to be a safe place to hold them for the day or night but the royals didn’t want to throw them into a cell. That wasn’t what was important though. It didn’t matter what they were, it mattered that they could be used to hide everyone who was supposed to be scared off by Azula taking the throne. 

This part of the palace seemed like personal servants stayed here, a hallway extended past where Toph had blocked off the doors to the right of the hallway, sealing the space off from view. The others were moving beds, blankets, board games, books, water, and non-perishable foods into the rooms. Toph had also opened up doorways between the rooms so that they could all move between them freely without fear of being seen. She kept the small windows in each of the five available rooms. Toph couldn’t see but she was sure after only several hours of being cooped up she would want airflow. The others would definitely want natural light. 

They had tested sound to see what had no chance of being heard when outside was dead silent. If they talked a little below normal speaking voices they couldn’t be heard through the thick walls. The second room was directly above Sokka’s room, making it easy for Toph to be able to observe Zuko. She would fucking demolish anyone who layed their hands on him. At least Zuko would have Sokka. Sokka would be painted as a prisoner of the palace and a traitor to the Avatar, but Zuko wouldn’t be alone. That is what mattered. 

No one knew what to expect exactly. They weren’t sure if the rest of the New Ozai society were just as terrible as the ones who had taken Zuko or if Ozai had intentionally taken the cruelest members he knew. They didn’t know if the nationalists would see through Azula’s facade, at least she was a deviously good liar, good enough to fool Toph herself most of the time. They didn’t know if the others would see Azula the same way that they saw Ozai. If they would respect her rule of leaving Zuko alone...they likely wouldn’t directly hurt him...but it wasn’t at all difficult to get to Zuko. They could send him into a horrible panic in seconds that might end with him trying to take his own life again. The memories of that night still haunted Toph. She remembered feeling Zuko’s heart slow, his body grow cold, his absolute terror and agony, sure it would end any moment. 

This wasn’t going to be good. No matter what happened Zuko would be scared shitless. It would probably set him back a good deal if he even  _ saw _ one of those fucking monster. Toph can’t wait for the moment that Azula gives the word to attack them. To kill them. She wants to make sure no one can come for her friend again. That he’ll finally be safe. 

  
  
  
  
  


Hakoda is pinching his nose, trying to ward off the headache that his wife was causing him with this. He felt like he was arguing with his son...she had pretty much lived with men Sokka’s current age for years...but still, she wasn’t a young man in his mid 20s. “Kya, this is a really stupid idea. Stay in the blocked off area with the rest of us. I can’t risk losing you again.” Kya just continues helping organize the rooms that the others will be staying in but she won’t. “I’m not leaving Zuko alone like that, I don’t want someone unfamiliar coming into the room when he’s already going to be in panic mode. It’s not like Azula can inconspicuously serve him, she’s going to be the fucking Fire Lord, Hakoda, not a fucking maid. I also want to be able to check on Sokka, he’ll be stressed as shit and will be the Fire Lord’s fake prisoner. Piss off.”

Hakoda sighs. “I think I liked it more when you were suspicious of everyone and everything in the palace and weren’t acting like-”

“Like you? This is the shit I put up with for years, honey. Stubbornness, bullshit, you know, this shit.” Kya says, not even glancing at him as she hangs curtains up to give a sense of privacy around the different beds. They didn’t need to go insane, that wouldn’t help anyone. “Kya, I didn’t dress like a servant during a very risky operation where you may be recognized as Water Tribe to go see our boys.” Hakoda says exasperated. “Bato, back me up in this.” He says, turning to him. 

“Please don’t drag me into this.” Bato grumbles from the other side of the room. “Hey, they’re your sons too, don’t be an asshole, tell Kya she shouldn’t do this.” Bato just begins walking away from the two. “Hey, where are you going, co-”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t hear you, too far away.” He says in the spooky spirit voice the two had done when they were up to no good. Hakoda flips him off as he disappears through the hole in the wall to the other room. “Fuck you, Kya, don’t do it.” 

“You haven’t seen Zuko. He’s terrible right now.” Kya says softly after a long moment. “He’s so scared, everything frightens him, he’s not eating, he’s not sleeping, he won’t relearn how to walk, he can’t firebend, he won’t make eye contact and so much more. I don’t expect you to agree with me but you can’t change my mind. He needs as few unfamiliar people and as many who love and support him as possible.”

Hakoda sighs. The kids, especially Katara, definitely got their stubbornness from their mother. “I’m guessing that this argument is futile?” He finally asks. “Yes, but I promise, I won’t do anything stupid. I will always either be in the kitchens, the general servants quarters, or with the boys. I won’t be doing anything to help Azula on my own. I wouldn’t put mine and other’s safety in danger for no reason. Okay, dear?” Kya says, cupping his cheek, gently kissing him. “I love you, Kya. I can’t lose you again. Please be careful.” Hakoda says, placing his hand over her’s. “I will, my love.” She replies, smiling at him gently. 

Somehow, it eases a little bit of the tension in Hakoda’s head. Not much, but some. That had to be enough.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Zuko is sitting on his bed the next morning, slowly knitting the blue yarn Kya had given him, ordering it into something that could become useful, could be comprehended easier. The soft, rythmic clicking of the needled soothing, calming his thoughts, the focus he puts into keeping it orderly calming his mind. Sokka’s hand rubbing his back calming his nerves. Azula would be crowned in two days. In two days, his tormentors would be here. In two days, he wouldn’t be safe. He tries to not dwell on these thoughts that much. They just make him panic. These thoughts don’t help him. 

He hears the door open, flinching a little, but relaxes when he sees Azula walk into the room. “Hey brother, I may not be able to see you that much tomorrow and when I see you the day after that...well...you know.” She says, sitting on the bed. Zuko puts his needles down, looking at Azula, scared. 

“When did you learn how to knit?” Azula asks, smiling a little at him. “Kya taught me.” Zuko responds quietly, leaning against Sokka. Azula gives him a sad look. “This will all be over soon. I will make it clear that you aren’t allowed to be harmed. That you are my only living family who doesn’t pose a direct threat to the nation. I’ll tell them that you aren’t dangerous, that father changed you, that I want you here and unharmed. I swear to you I’ll keep you safe.” Azula says softly, kissing Zuko’s forehead. “Pl-please get rid of them as soon as you ca-can. Need them gone. Need to be safe.” Zuko whimpers, snuggling into Sokka. 

“With pleasure, brother. We will kill them. We’ll make sure you can never be hurt again. I’ll fucking demolish them.” She says, body tightening with anger as she says this, causing Zuko to hide further against Sokka’s body, seeking shelter from wrath. “I will protect you, brother. These people, they aren’t people, they’re monsters. I know it isn’t the exact same people who did this to you but they had to have known what was being done, they fucking le-”

“A-Azula, please, stop.” Zuko cries into Sokka’s shoulder as he rocks him gently in his arms. Azula sighs, standing up. “I’m sorry, brother. I’m just tense. I didn’t mean to scare you. I should go, there’s a lot to do. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Zuko whimpers as she leaves the room. “It’ll be okay, fire lily. Azula’s smart and strong. So are the others. No one will hurt you. She says she won’t let them touch you, they won’t come near you. I swear to you.” Sokka mumbles into Zuko’s bad ear.

He is sure that Sokka is continuing to talk but can’t process anything that he is saying. All Zuko can do is cry quietly. Think about how they were going to know Azula was lying and they would hurt her and then him. He couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that Azula would be brought back to father’s beliefs, that the first kind face he had seen in safety was going to be his first torturer as well. That these new men were going to find Sokka and they would hurt him to get to Zuko, breaking him beyond repair. That they may hurt the others, leaving a guilty burden on him that Zuko wouldn’t be able to live with. 

All he could think about were the faces of people who would get hurt or killed because of this. The people who may turn on him. The people who would hurt him. How there were so many things with this plan that could go wrong and so little room for error. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to upload a very bad sketch of how the rooms are laid out because pictures speak 1000 words and i'm illiterate but I don't know how to upload pictures onto this because I am what the cool kids call a dumbass. (You're not missing out on much, just for clarification purposes. My drawing skills are Sokka level. That may even be generous.)


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the last chapter was less good, I am finally over the worst part of the symtoms of sugar withdraw. And the big one is a splitting freaking headache all day, like worse than a hang over...I've only ever had one hang over, but this was worse. So that is why, looking at screen=:( But what did I do? Look at screen and write.

It is coronation day. Azula’s second coronation, the first one to actually go through. Like the last one, this one would likely be a bad memory for her. Azula couldn’t even imagine how horrible this must be for Zuko. This wasn’t going to be a celebration for Azula even though that must be how she paints it. This is a form of espionage in a way, possibly. Luckily, Azula has always been good at lying, drawing out the secrets that people tried to keep hidden deep within themselves, luring them into a false sense of security before striking. That is what she needs to do, it’s the person she needs to be to protect her family and her friends. They need to be safe. Zuko needs to be safe. She has to finally do her job as his sister and protect him. Something that she shouldn’t have begun doing less than two months ago. She should have protected him from father, from his generals, from so many people. 

She remembers how Zuko used to be a shining star. His eyes were so bright, so full of hope and of love. Azula had mocked him for that, exploited the kindness in his heart like so many others have. It didn’t even phase her when she first saw him after father had burned him, exactly three years after that, someone had finally succeeded in extinguishing that light he carried with him. He was so angry and sad, trying to protect himself from further harm. 

It had taken years of his friends to slowly bring that light back to life with tenderness and trust. She had seen that light in him again in the hospital when he first began to have visits with her that didn’t involve either Azula glaring at him and telling him to shut up when he spoke, or her losing her shit on him. Now it was gone again, once again, it was father who destroyed it. I wish I could kill that man again.

Azula is dressed in traditional coronation robes as she walks towards Sokka’s room. Zuko should be dressed by now and he will likely be terrified. He has every right to be. He would need every ounce of support that he could get. 

Azula knocks softly before opening the door, walking in. Zuko is sitting in his wheelchair, dressed in more formal attire for the first time in months, crying quietly as Sokka brushes his hair, beginning to pull it into a top knot, trying to comfort him with loving words. “Brother?” Azula says, kneeling next to Zuko, taking one of his trembling hands in hers. “Can hear me brother?” She asks. 

“Y-yes.” Zuko chokes out as Sokka finishes the top knot, now resting his hands on Zuko’s shoulders. “Today will be the worst, but it will get better from there. You won’t need to leave the room after today, okay?” She says, giving him a sad look. Fuck she feels guilty for dragging him into this, that she has to threaten him to get Aang. That she has to terrorize him in view of his tormentors. 

“A-Azula, I-I can’t d-do this, I can’t, I can’t, please do-don’t ma-make me j-just k-kill me, k-keep me safe l-like that.” He cries, gripping her arm and looking at her desperately. Fear and shame fill her as she looks at her terrified brother who just wants safety. They were in too deep, pulling out of this now would only put Zuko and everyone else in more danger. “Brother, I’m sorry, w-”

“Azula, please, I-I can’t see them!” Zuko sobs as he cries harder, holding onto her tighter. “We don’t have a choice now, brother. You’ll be in more danger if we do.” She says, wiping Zuko’s tears away with her free hand. Zuko doesn’t say anything in response, he just continues to cry, hyperventilating, gripping so tight onto Azula's arm she is sure his fingernails are drawing blood. She is glad that the color for their nation is red, if she is bleeding, no one will be able to notice.

“I’ll get him to calm down and then drink some water.” Sokka says, looking at her with wet eyes. “Thank you, Sokka...you’ve stuck with him through so much, you and Suki both...I’m so grateful he has found people like you in his life.” She says, gently trying to comfort Zuko’s shaking from, sobs barely forming the words of begging her not to force him onto the stage. She feels awful that this is what she is doing to him. That she has backed him into a corner, trapped with his worst fears.

“I’ll take care of him these next few days...I need him to be okay. He deserves to feel safe again. On a more selfish note, no matter how much I love Suki...it’s not the same without him. Feels incomplete.” Sokka whispers, pressing his lips to Zuko’s tear stained cheek. Azula is sure that Zuko can’t hear anything outside of his sobs right now despite both of them trying to comfort him with gentle hands and kisses. If he can, he isn’t responding to anything. 

The three of them stay like that for a while as Zuko begins to calm down, Sokka and Azula giving him words of encouragement and holding him gently. “Turtleduck, if we step away from you, will you drink some water? You’ve been crying a lot and not drinking enough water. I’m worried about you.” Sokka says, kissing Zuko’s cheek again. Zuko tentatively nods before Sokka hands him a canteen and he and Azula move to the other side of the room. 

He drinks it slowly, but he’s drinking it. That has to be enough for them. They don’t even try and convince him to eat. He has to be coaxed to eat on a good day. He says that food still makes him feel sick to an extent. Likely because he was used to being starved between meals for so long and still associated being fed with not only needing to earn it, but usually being raped by his own father after. He definitely wasn’t going to eat now.

“Sokka...I’m really worried about him. I’m sure that the next few days will be very difficult on both of you and likely put a strain on your relationship. Please hold out for him while the nationalists are here. I know that being around him can be very taxing, you need to be there for him this next bit. We’ll all understand if you need to be away from him for a while after. He might miss you, but he’ll have other people he trusts around him. He can go without you for a while then, he can’t starting today. Please be patient with him...I know how hard it is to be his emotional lightning rod.” Azula says quietly as Zuko drinks, looking at Sokka intently.

Sokka nods. “I understand. I’ll let you know when the time comes. I know how fragile he is. I know how cruel and clingy he can get when he’s scared.” He responds, looking sadly at Zuko’s trembling form, still slowly drinking his water, glancing at them nervously every so often.

“I’m not going to break up with him, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Sokka says after a long silence. Azula shakes her head. “You don’t know what’s going to happen these next few days...just be patient with him during this. If you need some space, hold off until after. That’s all I’m asking.” Azula replies, taking his hand.

“My coronation is in about an hour, guests are likely already arriving. I need to go.” She says, hugging Sokka. She then pulls away, turning to Zuko. “I love you, brother. I will keep you safe, I swear to you.” She then turns, leaving the room, preparing for some of the worst days of her life.

This was it. This was the day that held the moment of truth. The day that would change the course of Fire Nation history once again. The day that Azula would take her place as the rightful heir to the throne, bringing the Fire Nation back to power. A power that the rest of the world wouldn’t dare challenge. Jai stands alone in the gathering crowd, the 23 members of New Ozai Society that came today spread out amongst the crowd. All making sure that they saw what was going on would be seen in its entirety. If something were to happen, not everyone would be in the exact same place. It would be more difficult to corral them and separate them from the nobles if Azula turned out to be a traitor. She would be here any moment, any moment they would have a clearer picture of what was going on, they would see physical proof of Ozai’s legacy. 

The crowd gathers, babbling voices wondering exactly what had happened. People wondering where Azula had been held. If she had escaped or been freed and how. What exactly happened between her and Zuko’s friends that caused Azula to call for her coronation and for their disappearance. What had happened to Zuko to make him disappear for months. How long he had been back and if Azula played a part in what happened to him. Most of these were questions Jai had himself and likely his companions did too. Hopefully, these would all be answered very soon. 

Finally, the sounds of trumpets and drums fill the air and the touches around the square flair up as Azula walks into view. There is an eruption of cheers that Jai can’t help but to join in on. She walks onto the stage with so much grace and poise, head held high, back straight, shoulders squared. She looks across the crowd with a clam, sweeping gaze, taking in the sight of her soon to be subjects. She is already so much more prepared for this task than Zuko ever could be. She is not just a prodigy in firebending but in leadership and diplomacy. 

She stands at the front of the stage, looking behind her and giving a single nod before turning back. A guard walks out from the back right, pushing someone in a wheelchair. Someone who definitely doesn’t want to be there. Even from the distance, it can be seen that they’re trembling violently,clutching themselves tightly with their arms. They look like they could be crying, it’s hard to see. Their hair is pulled up into a top knot and they are wearing traditional robes for the family of the coronated Fire Lord. That can’t be right. Jai thinks, squinting at the figure.

Suddenly, he sees who it is. The large scar over his left eye is what gives him away...other than that...he’s unrecognizable. It’s Zuko. Jai knew that he had been tortured for several months by Ozai and 12 of the most violent of his supporters...but Ozai had been killed over a month ago...that’s when Zuko had to have been rescued. He shouldn’t be in this bad of shape. He should at least be able to walk. He scans his eyes over the crowd, until he spots a familiar face. They share a look of confusion and concern at what the fuck had been done to him. This seems...extreme. Azula did something to him recently. Broke his legs so he couldn’t run or fight. That’s why he’s like this. Jai tells himself, part of him believes it...but part of him feels sick.

Yes, he wanted Zuko off the throne, having him dead wouldn’t be something that would keep him up at night for long. Zuko was a traitor to his family and his nation. This was something else. Jai, as well as the others, knew that Zuko had been captured so that the Avatar would return Ozai’s bending. They all knew he was being harmed during his captur. Jai had pictured Zuko being kept underground to keep him disconnected from Agni so he would lose his firebending. Jai pictured Zuko in a cell, likely chained and occasionally fed and beaten, but most of the time left alone in the cold, hungry, going through element withdrawal, scared, terrorizing himself while Ozai and the others figured out what they wanted to do after Ozai’s bending was restored. How he was going to regain his throne from this. Jai didn’t think that Zuko would have been...whatever the fuck had been done to him. Over the shouts of the crowd, Jai can swear that he can hear Zuko crying in terror and he sees the guard gently hold Zuko’s hands as he begins to claw at himself. This was absolutely fucked.

His mind is torn from Zuko when Azula raises her hand for silence and begins to speak. 

“People of the Fire Nation, after eight long years, I have returned to you. Upon my return I have found my father to have perished at the hands of his own traitorous brother, my uncle Iroh. My own brother has led the Fire Nation on a path of cowards. I intend to bring the Fire Nation back to a position of strength. Most of my information about the current situation of the Fire Nation has been from the guards. However, the most useful information I have gathered has been from my brother, a threat that our father neutralized in my absence. He had been left behind here by his so called friends along with a Water Tribe savage who is a non bender and deemed a not a threat, cooperating for my brothers safety and wellbeing. I have been made aware that my father had supporters after my brother took the throne. I will be speaking to them along with others before making any hasty decisions on the behalf of the nation. I-”

She stops talking when a loud growl is heard overhead. Jai feels more annoyed than threatened when he sees the Avatar’s flying bison overhead. He wants to hear the rest of Azula’s speech. Answer some questions.

Azula’s stance doesn't give anything away about how she is feeling as they watch the Avatar leap from the back of his beast and glide down to the stage below, facing Azula, getting in a fighting stance. “Azula, back down. Give him to me.” the Avatar growls, glaring at her. Azula doesn’t respond, she just looks at the man in front of her like he’s nothing. “Azula, this doesn't have to end in a fight. Give. Him. Back. He’s hurt and he’s scared. He’s nothing to you. I don’t want to fight you for the throne and I can only hope you make better choices than your fathers, not forcing conflict. Just give him back. Sokka too. They can’t help you, I’m sure you don’t want your first day as Fire Lord to be marked with the deaths of your people.” 

“You’re right, it won’t end in a fight.” Azula replies, snapping her fingers. Zuko flinched violently, the crowd has stayed hushed, it's easy to hear the two speak, but it also means they can hear Zuko beginning to sob as a knife is pressed against his throat. 

Opposed to remaining still like most people would in Zuko’s position, he grabs at the knife, slicing his hands open and causing it to cut the skin on his neck a little. Nothing he says is cohesive sentences, he is just begging for mercy through choking sobs. The guard holding the knife holds one of his arms and a servant walks out from behind the curtain, holding the wheelchair in place and holding Zuko’s other arm. This just causes Zuko to scream more, trying to struggle against the hands holding him as he breaks down. 

“Zuko!” The Avatar cries, taking a step forward, causing Zuko to cry a little louder, moving his head back violently. “Azula, stop, you’re going to hurt him. He’s just scared, please.” The Avatar says pleadingly. Azula is almost pointedly not looking at Zuko as she looks at the Avatar coldly. “He’s my only living family now, I would rather not kill him, but the choice is yours. Drop your glider, get on your knees and put your hands behind you. Do this and he’ll be under my protection, I’ll send a healer to him to bandage his cuts and bring him something to eat where he can recover with his Water Tribe savage from this particularly stressful day. Or his throat can be slit and I’ll burn his body. I guess he can join Iroh.” She says coldly. “And remember when I say I don’t want to kill him, it’s just because it’s best to keep as many relatives of my family’s bloodline alive. It isn’t because I love him, it may be a little bit of pity as well, but what I will feel is annoyance and disappointment in his death, all which I will get over within a few days. You’ll grieve his death. His blood will be on your hands, it will haunt you. Choose carefully.”

The Avatar looks between Zuko and Azula before handing his stick to Azula, dropping to his knees and holding his hands behind him. Two guards come out and handcuff the Avatar and lead him away. “It’s okay, hotman, you’ll be okay. I’ll get you out of here!” The Avatar yells at Zuko as the knife is removed from his throat. 

Zuko just curls up on himself, pulling his knees to his chest, shaking violently. Not even looking at the Avatar. “Get him out of here. Send someone to bandage his hands once you bring him back. Azula says, turning around as they disappear. 

“I will bring the nation into an era of prosperity and strength. Ideally, this may be obtained without war, but we aren’t cowards like my brother. We will get what we need to thrive, to grant safety to our citizens. There is only one mistake that my father and those before him made, and that was trying to lead the Fire Nation to power alone. Power needs to be obtained as a nation, as a force, I will lead us there but I will not be the only one to raise the Fire Nation above all others. It is something that must be done by every citizen in this great nation. I am from a family of great leaders with the divine right to rule, but that doesn’t mean that not everyone here has strength and courage. No matter how strong someone is, they are stronger with a crowd. We will prevail!” She cries, her words becoming more forceful with every sentence.

The crowd cheers as she kneels before a Fire Sage who walks up to her, placing the crown in her hair. “All hail Fire Lord Azula!” He cries as she stands, leading to another eruption of cheers. She stands there, looking at the crowd, a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Any member of the New Ozai society, I invite you to my coronation dinner tonight, I would like to speak with as many as possible over the next few days. Thank you.” She says, turning and leaving, following the same path that Zuko was rolled out on.

The excitement from that moment of Azula becoming Fire Lord had completely wiped Jai’s memory of Zuko and the concerns he had about his state and the man Jai was supporting. What mattered was Azula’s strength, that she wanted to bring the Fire Nation back to glory, that she recognized the New Ozai’s society's support. That she wanted their advice. That they were going to get to meet and speak with her. Jai couldn’t wait for that evening, everything was going to begin to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while I was reading Azula's speech she kinda sounds like a Communist leader. Azula is a Communist confirmed.
> 
> Serious question that likely I'll bring up again in another chapter: How angry would people be if I killed off someone like important when shit goes down eventually with these fuckers. Like this is my angst fueled quarantine fanfic and idk, i need to be managed and I couldn't stop thinking like. How fucked up would it be if like just straight up killed Sokka or Suki or Aang or someone like that.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: The last time I will asks this: How angry would people be if I killed off one of the main characters? This is my quarantine angst fic to get my angst out because I am an adult and need to act like one in the real world but the internet is not that so we here, angst is fine here. You guys have read this fic and know that I'll fucking do it. Some people have already voiced their opinions. If this is something you are against, get the web accessible spray bottle, spray me and tell me no. If you aren't fully against it, tell me who is off limits.  
> IDK if ill do this, we're vibing.

It was too much. It was too much. It was all just too much. Zuko wanted to curl up and disappear, he wanted to be safe, he wanted to die. The cheering of the crowd had been too much, the screams felt like they were tearing into Zuko, like they were his own echoing off of stone walls and a blood stained floor. Screaming and begging for mercy that would never come. Pleading with men who took pleasure in his pain and humiliation, who wanted him to suffer, who laughed and mocked him as he begged. He knew more of them were out there, screaming at him in that crowd. They now knew how weak he was. Soon they would be standing over his bloody, naked body, doing whatever they wanted to him and taking everything from him. It was all far too much.

Then when the knife came to his throat, he lost the sliver of composer left in him that forced him not to try and disappear into his own body, hiding himself with his arms and legs. Zuko wasn't sure if he needed to get the knife away from his throat or if he needed to sink it in, ending all of this. He barely processed that Aang was there, he just knew someone named him when the knife was to his throat and his hands were being pinned down so he had no options. He had been completely convinced that the wielder of the knife was going to carve the fact that Zuko was property and shouldn’t be named into his chest. So everyone could fucking see. So no one would mistake him as a person again. 

Thankfully, the knife was put away and he immediately curled up on himself so others couldn’t see him, making him feel less vulnerable. He was wheeled away from the stage and down too many hallways. He vaguely hears someone say something about getting bandages and the guard leaves, the maid still pushing him, but he doesn’t pay much attention. Zuko doesn’t care. He just needs to be away. He needs to be where it’s safe. He can’t stop crying. 

He hears a door open and the smell of the room is immediately familiar. A mix between the smell of fresh soil, old paper, salt, and kimono chicken. _Sokka._ He thinks, daring to lift his head a little, letting out a breath of relief when Sokka’s bright blue eyes meet his, concern filling them. “Oh, turtleduck, what happened? Did something go wrong? Are you okay?” Sokka asks, kneeling next to him. Zuko shakes his head. “Is that no nothing happened or no nothing is wrong?” Sokka asks, cupping Zuko’s tearstained cheek, body still shaking with sobs.

“He grabbed the blade of the knife. We probably should have found one that wasn’t double edged specifically for this reason. He panicked, someone is bringing me some bandages and I’ll fix him up. No real physical damage, most of it is psychological. Fuck I wish it wouldn’t be suspiciosus for Iyasu to be here.” The maid says softly. “Can I pick you up and put you on the bed, sweetie?” The woman asks. _Kya?_ He thinks, looking at her, letting out a sob of relief as he sees Kya’s familiar face, nodding. 

He feels his body being lifted and then gently placed in the bed, tucking him in. Zuko flinches violently when he hears a knock at the door. “That’s probably Lu Kim with the bandages.” She says getting up and walking to the door. Zuko watches Sokka as he puts the wheelchair away. He wants Sokka with him right now. He wants to feel Sokka’s arms wrapped around him, body pressed against his, breath in his ear as he tells Zuko that everything is going to be okay and that Sokka loves him. 

Kya returns to his line of vision, holding a bottle and several strips of cloth. She puts the bottle on the bed side table and sits on the bed next to Zuko who immediately balls his hands into fists and holds them to his chest, realizing he did not want to be touched. 

“Turtleduck...please let her help you, you’re hurt.” Sokka says softly, sitting on his other side, pressing a kiss to his forehead, causing Zuko to flinch back. Moments ago he had wanted this, he had wanted Sokka to touch him like that, but now it terrified him. Zuko lets out another loud cry, wanting this feeling to go away. 

“Sweetie, will you take some deep breath with me? Iyasu said it should help when you’re panicking. Is that okay?” She asks. “Sokka, don’t touch him.” Kya warns, Zuko suddenly realizes that Sokka had been reaching out to him again but retracts his hand at his mothers warning. 

Zuko begins taking deep breaths with Kya’s count, grateful for her. She was protecting him from things other people didn’t notice. He loves her. She’s kind, she’s good to him. He has to find a way to express his gratitude for her, for everyone who has done so much for him. The breaths do begin to calm him, but only so much. His tormentors were out there. They were close, possibly even in the palace by now. 

“Wh-what if they d-don't l-listen to A-Azula a-and co-o-me f-for me?” Zuko finally is able to choke out, looking between Kya and Sokka. “That won’t happen, Sweetie.” Kya says at the same time that Sokka says. “Toph will fucking demolish them when coming down from the room above.” Zuko bites his lip, nodding once. “Th-they can’t t-touch m-me...ca-can’t let them.” He whimpers. “We won’t.” Sokka replies, Kya nods, agreeing. “May I touch your hands? Only to help you. You’re still bleeding.”

Zuko looks down, blood trailing down his forearms from his clenched fists. Zuko nods once, extending his shaking hands to Kya, opening his palm. The cuts in his hands are deep, on his left hand he has one and on his right he has two. He doesn’t remember repositioning his grip but he must have to have two cuts on his right hand.

“Okay sweetie, I’m going to need to clean these. We don’t want them to get infected. It’s going to sting a little okay? But it will be over soon and will help.” Zuko nods once. “S-sokka...can you h-hold me?” He whimpers. Sokka doesn’t reply, he just gently wraps his arms around Zuko, kissing the back of his head.

Kya pours something that smells like alcohol onto one of the clothes, gently pressing it against the cuts on his right hand. It does sting, but nothing anywhere near what Zuko has experienced. He doesn’t show his pain on his face, just leans into Sokka’s touch as he feels the blood on his arm being cleaned off and a clean, dry strip of cloth being wrapped snugly around his hand. The same thing happens with his left hand. When Kya finishes, she kisses the dry bandages over where his cuts are before releasing his hands and Zuko pulls them back to his chest. He vaguely remembers Sokka doing something similar to this for him and Suki. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t ask for Katara’s help. We can’t risk her being seen. Also, in the very unlikely event one of the nationalists sees you, they’ll know we have a skilled waterbender here that wasn’t chased out when Azula took over. It’s not worth the risk.” Kya says sadly. 

Zuko nods, turning away and wrapping his arms around Sokka’s neck, deeply breathing in his scent. “Th-thank you, Kya. I-I just wa-want to sl-sleep now.” He mumbles into Sokka’s neck. “I love you sweetie, I’ll see you tonight when I bring you dinner.” Sokka helps Zuko lay down on the bed, never taking his arms from around his waist. “Thanks, mom.” He hears Sokka say before he begins to drift off, Sokka’s humming lulling him into sleep, feeling safe and loved in Sokka’s arms, pulled against his chest, and tucked into a warm bed. Sokka makes the worst parts of his life bearable.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Zuko is back in his room, he is scared but he calmed down with the help of Kya and Sokka. Seemed like he hurt his hands and Kya was bandaging them. He’s fine now, I don’t think anything was serious.” Toph says, walking into the center room. A breath of relief is let out from everyone in there. 

The center room of the five was being used as an area where people could congregate while not infringing on the minimal privacy that was offered in the rooms they were bunking in for the next few days. To the far left it was the Kiyoshi warriors except for Suki and Ty Lee. The four women had wanted to stick together in this situation as well. They had lived their lives together, trained from young girls together, fought together, and lived together. They were going to get through this together as well. Also most of the other warriors had become closer with the other guards and staff opposed to anyone else in the room.

The room next to that was the area most directly above Sokka’s where Toph could monitor Zuko to the best of her ability. This is where Toph, Katara, and Suki are staying. The three of them had gotten close over the years. They played games with stone pieces on the floor so Toph could join in and told stories that they had heard from their travels or just made up. Toph mostly made hers up and didn’t keep track of what she said. Needless to say, hers were confusing but fun. 

The room directly to the right of the center room would be where Mai and Ty Lee were staying. No one else really wanted to stay with them considering they were very affectionate. Or more, Ty Lee was very affectionate and Mai allowed it, refusing to admit that she liked it. It was cute but no one wanted to interrupt. Mai is absolutely terrifying. 

Then in the room to the far right is where Iroh, Bato, and Hakoda are staying. The three men had begun to form a close friendship, it was mostly Hakoda bridging the friendship between the three of them, but Iroh and Bato were on good terms. They didn’t have an issue with each other, they just were different people whose interests didn’t overlap all that much.

Unfortunately Aang wouldn’t be able to join them. He was down in a cell under the palace. He wouldn’t be harmed down there, Azula was going to make sure that he was well fed and kept in relative comfort. Aang understood that he couldn’t be treated exceptionally well or it may raise questions about where Azula’s loyalties were. There were guards down there at all times to keep him company and to chain him if the nationalists were to ever come down to see him, unlikely as that may be. Appa was apparently being kept in a barn for the next several days right outside of the city with some friends that Sokka had made a few years ago. They bonded over fish. Not fishing. Just fish. Not surprising, but they have a place to keep Appa safe and out of sight. Momo is with him to keep Appa company...but they were far less concerned about Momo considering it is so much easier to hide a lemur than a flying bison.

“Oh, thank the spirits.” Iroh says, letting out a long breath. “My boy is back as safe as he is going to get.” He mumbles to himself as Hakoda hugs him. “How’s Sokka and Kya?” Hakoda asks, nervously. Toph thinks for a moment, recalling what he had felt like, “Sokka is fine, he’s stressed and scared but nothing that can’t be expected from this. He was drifting off with Sparky last time I checked. Kya just seemed nervous and angry, but I don’t think she’ll go after any of the fuckers. She’s stubborn but she isn’t stupid.” 

They sit there in silence, the agony of the wait more strong than anything else. They had to be quiet, patient, and ready to strike at a moment's notice. This had to go perfectly, lives were at stake here. 

  
  
  
  


Azula is seated at a large table, despite the fact that it easily seats 40 people, it was packed with her father’s supporters, cramming next to each other to be at the same table as Azula. There were 52 members of the New Ozai society here , 49 of them men, 3 of them women, an interesting demographic. However, they were all at least in their mid 30s. This isn't even all of their numbers. There are too many of them. They’ll hurt Zuko if she doesn’t do this right. 

Over the past hour or so, eating and speaking to each other, Azula had learned that there are about 400 members, the ones here as well as those in the capital are the most active, the ones willing to resort to violence and other more extreme measures. She forces her memories of Zuko from her mind, not allowing herself to mourn for her brother during this time. She could appear to pity him, but she couldn’t appear to be sympathetic or caring towards him. 

Most of the other members were willing to aid in financial and support of goods to help members like these. About 150 members were in the capital in total, they had been called there to aid in her support. Unfortunately, they weren’t all in the palace at this time. They were in the mansions of these fuckers in the city. Unfortunately, these people weren’t stupid, they had no way of telling if Azula is trustworthy or not. She isn’t, Azula will fucking kill them and rejoice. She has to wait for the others to come here. She can’t get ahead of herself. Zuko needs to be protected. 

“Everyone, please, may I have your attention.” Azula says, giving them all a small smile. They all look at her with far too much enthusiasm. She forces herself not to roll her eyes or spit fire at them as she stands and begins to speak.

“I am aware that I appeared very suddenly and gave all of you very little time to prepare for my rule and arrival, but you have come through and came forward on the day of my coronation to show your support for your new Fire Lord. This is an act of loyalty that will not go unrewarded.” She says, allowing for their stupid, drunken cheering. She had intentionally brought out wine with a higher alcohol concentration than would be expected, she herself was drinking a standard concentration. Everyone in this room was bright, very bright. Now, Azula had the upper hand as being the only one with a clear head. She was allowing herself to smile more and to be in a more relaxed position, appearing more inebriated than she really is. This was her chance to get them all riled up in a nationalistic frienzy and get some information to slip. She had already gotten more information about the numbers of the New Ozai society by doing this. 

“I know that there are more of my most loyal supporters in the city as they have traveled from further reaches of the nations as all of you have brought to my attention. If any and all of you would be so kind to invite them to the palace, I would be most appreciative. The others who only give support through natural and financial capital are not needed to be contacted and brought here, running a nation isn’t a cowards job. I am grateful for their support too, but only those who risked themselves to bring my father back to his rightful place on the throne are the ones who I would like to assist me in the beginning of my rule. Any and all who do this will be greatly rewarded for their loyalty in time when we have achieved the greatness my father held for mere moments, but we shall hold it for generations to come!” Azula cries, feeling like an asshole and an idiot, even more so as the people at the table go wild.

“A strong start is the most important place to begin. I am aware that there are a lot of you that would need to be fit into the palace, but I would only need all of you here for a few weeks, a month at most as we lay the foundation for our glorious cause. After that, many of you may go home, some individuals who prove themselves to me may be offered a more permanent position by my side in my rule. Send word to everyone tonight. I want them here as soon as possible. I want to start right now before too much word about my rule and the Avatar’s capture spreads through the nations.”

More cheering. She wants to kill them all right now. 

For another long hour they give her names of people who weren’t involved directly but who had helped them. There were actually three nobles that had given information about the guards rotation. They even told Azula about a maid, Hyla, who had drugged Zuko’s tea the night he was kidnapped, making it more difficult for him to fight. Azula’s blood boiled at that. “How did you get the maid to do that? Was it difficult? Who is she? I haven’t heard her name here yet.” She asks, ready to fucking kill those nobels and this bitch. “Oh, she was a guard at the Boiling Rock who lost her job as a guard completely because your brother bitched about her being ‘too cruel’ to the prisoners. They’re prisoners, she can fuck ‘em if she wants.” A man says, laughing. Azula wants to shatter the bottle of wine in front of her and cut the man to pieces. Were all of these people this fucking horrible? Did they all violate people in one of the most horrible ways possible? She would fucking kill this bitch. “I can’t believe Zuko came from the same family you and Ozai did. Really took after his mother, didn’t he?” He jokes. _You really talk like someone who wants to be fucking murdered._ Azula thinks, not letting her face show this. 

“Well, anyways, Hyla saw a maid leaving the palace still in uniform who looked a lot like her, bashed the woman’s skull in and took her place the next day and then slipped out after drugging Zuko. With all the commotion going on, it wasn’t hard for her to get out.” He says, grinning. Azula swallows. “Would any of you be so kind as to bring Hyla here as well if that isn’t already a plan. I would like to thank her personally for her work.” Azula forces herself to say before standing again. 

“Where it is a lovely night, I must retire to bed. I have a lot of important decisions to make tomorrow and have a country to run. You may enjoy the festivities while it lasts. Due to the number of people that will be arriving in a few days, you will end up at least doubled, but it won’t be for too long. The rooms that will be provided are nice enough and spacious. A servant will show you to your rooms when you so desire. Thank you.” 

Azula stands, walking away, a little past the door into the hallway when she hears someone address her. “Fire Lord Azula, may I speak to you briefly?” She turns around, facing a tall, sinewy man with shoulder length black hair facing her. She wants to fucking incinerate him but doesn’t, she can do that later. “Yes, and you are?” She asks, not really caring, but she needed to pretend to give a fuck about these fuckers. She forces the anger down a little more. “Jai.” He replies, looking to the side briefly. “May I ask you something about Zuko?” He asks, he almost seemed...concerned.

_Fuck no. You don’t fucking say his fucking name. I’ll hurt you in so many ways and it won’t come anywhere near to what your cult did to him._ She doesn’t say that, no matter how much she wants to. “Depends, what is it?” She asks, leaning against the wall, forcing herself to appear casual because otherwise she would appear furious. 

“I know that he was abducted and hurt by Ozai and 12 others. I assume that he’s been here for a little over a month. Did...something else happen to him? Did he try and escape or fight and you hurt him? Just...if Ozai did all of this to him...it seems extreme. I-I thought he was mostly just going to be locked in a cell underground and ignored...is he okay? Not that...I’m not a fan of his, like at all, he’s also a person...seems a little fucked up is all.” Jai says nervously, looking everywhere but Azula.

Azula searches his face sceptically. Most people didn’t think Azula was a people person due to her standoffish attitude, but she very much was. She was incredibly good at reading people. The only reason she wasn’t the best in the palace is because Toph is there, and she can read body temperature and heart rate fluctuations. Azula could read the smallest movements people made. She was the only one who could tell when her father lied. What was strange about this interaction is that Jai seems to be...genuinely concerned. She isn’t sure why. She can’t give too much away.

“Yes, my father did all of this to him. I was initially planning on putting his head on a spike when I found him...but I wasn’t expecting that. I made it clear to him and his fiance that they would remain unharmed if they stayed in line. I felt bad for him and didn’t want to separate him from his life line. Today was very hard on him and unfortunately I’m happy that Aang gave himself up for more than obvious reasons of me not wanting to go against the Avatar. I think I might even be a little sad if something happened to him. He is a traitor, but he didn’t deserve that. He won’t tell me what happened, but he has horrible nightmares every night and just about everything scares him. It’s why he’s under my protection. He has been made harmless by my father, so I can have some family left. Even so, I could take him in a fair fight when he was healthy...worries me, I just want him to be okay” Azula says, unsure why she was telling the enemy about her brother. It just sort of comes out, she had definitely but her own well being on the backburner lately. 

Jai doesn’t laugh or say anything cruel about Zuko being weak or deserving it, or even say anything about Azula caring about him, he just looks down again. “I’m sorry for what was done to him. It was too much, he just kind of reminded me of a friend I had seen when we got her back from general Fong’s prison during the war when I saw him up on stage. Haven’t thought about her in a few years, when I got back home and saw a necklace she had given me those memories came back...couldn’t stop thinking about Zuko after. I hope he gets somewhat better...at least to the point he can function again.” Jai says softly, making eye contact with her for the first time. 

Azula wipes away a tear that was beginning to fall, unable to stop thinking about Zuko either. “Thank you, Jai. Even if I’m still mad at him...hard to see someone I really used to know look and act like that now. Did your friend ever get better?” She asks, wanting to cover for her reason of looking upset about a traitor and wanting to turn the conversation back on Jai, who sadly shakes his head. “She killed herself a week after her rescue. I don’t know what happened to her down there, and I never will. Don’t let the same thing happen to your brother. Losing family, no matter how estranged, can be hard when it’s like that.”

Azula nods again, wiping at her face. “Thank you, again. Goodnight, Jai.” She says. “Good night, Fire Lord Azula. I hope Zuko recovers” He says, bowing. Azula walks away, cursing to herself. _Fuck, he’s a fucking human being, fuck. He has to be one of the ones we capture. Damn. They weren’t supposed to be people._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: The last time I will asks this: How angry would people be if I killed off one of the main characters? This is my quarantine angst fic to get my angst out because I am an adult and need to act like one in the real world but the internet is not that so we here, angst is fine here. You guys have read this fic and know that I'll fucking do it. Some people have already voiced their opinions. If this is something you are against, get the web accessible spray bottle, spray me and tell me no. If you aren't fully against it, tell me who is off limits.  
> IDK if ill do this, we're vibing.
> 
> Also please just let me know what you think of this and/or Jai


	40. Chapter 40

164 of these fuckers. That’s how many supporters Ozai has that are coming. That’s too many. Far too many.  _ How are we going to take down and kill 164 trained adults, many benders, without damaging our own?  _ It is going to be risky, but Kya had to get this information to the rest in the walls. Originally, it was simply going to be a matter of cornering them into the dead ended corredor that personal servants stayed in who wouldn’t be there. The others would attack. This is when they were planning on about 30 supports. This wasn’t going to work anymore, there would be no logical reason why Azula would bring 164 people that way. It would become clear that it was an ambush. They also couldn’t do it in waves, the others would catch on before they made enough of a dent in the population and team Zuko would be overwhelmed despite the skill many of their fighters possessed. 

Most of the time, being outnumbered didn’t matter when skilled soldiers were going up against people like Aang, Katara, the Kyoshi warriors, Mai, Azula, Iroh, and (used to be) Zuko as they all outmatched many opponents. That was when it was something like three to one, even then, they needed to cut others from the group, taking them on one at a time or it was simply a matter of not losing (such as escaping), but they  _ needed  _ to win this battle. There were what, 18 of them all together? Kya could hold her own but she wasn’t a seasoned warrior like the others and Zuko was in no condition to fight, so that made 16 of them. Then again, Sokka wasn’t going to leave Zuko’s side even in a fight, he would defend Zuko from his side even if it meant cornering himself. So that made 15 of them.

_ So what is the ratio for that? Something like 11 to 1?  _ Whatever it is, it isn’t good. Hakoda and Bato are seasoned warriors, but they can’t take on 11 benders at once, possibly Katara, Iroh, Toph, and Azula can, no matter how much Kya hates the Idea of her baby girls going into battle.  _ Did I just think of Azula as my baby girl? Whatever, I have more important things than to unpack that.  _ Kya thinks, continuing to walk toward the area where the others are hidden. Maybe the Kyoshi warriors could get close to taking on that many, but they definitely couldn’t pick up the slack. On top of that...it would be easy to surround them with those numbers. Easy to destroy them, pick them off one by one. This is bad. Zuko can’t know how bad it is. It will destroy him. 

The fact that it was worth the risk to tell the others about the situation and that they should lie to Zuko were two things she and Azula easily agreed on. Hakoda, Bato, Suki and Iroh could come up with a plan. They’re smart, they’re good at that. They also have some other very bright minds in there, but those four are the best at battle strategy. They would be better off if Sokka was up there to help, but Zuko needed him badly. Whatever plan they come up with, Kya will relay it to Azula. Azula will then inform Aang. 

She finally gets to the hallway that the others are hiding in, it’s deserted. She walks past their hidey hole and into the room on the far right directly next to the last room that was hidden from view. She wields the hammer she brought and begins banging it on the wall. “Open the fuck up! It’s Kya!” She yells, continuing to bang on the wall. Some of the nationalists were down at breakfast with Azula, the rest were still sleeping or nursing hangovers. The highly concentrated wine was a smart move, one Kya wouldn’t have thought of. Then again, she didn’t regularly plot to murder large amounts of people for torturing people she loves. There’s a first for everything.

She continues banging on the wall until it opens up, Toph standing in the new doorway, hands on her hips. “What the  _ fuck _ , Kya?” She growls, grabbing her by the front of her uniform and dragging her into the room, closing the “door” behind her. “What the fuck are you doing here at the ass crack of dawn banging on the wall with a fucking hammer when there are people in this palace who want to fucking kill up? Are you on something?” Toph growls, flinging her hands in exasperation. Kya had obviously woken her up. 

“I need to talk to everything, there is something you all need to know about the New Ozai society. It’s far bigger than we thought.” Iroh gives her a look of concern but nods, in a hushed voice, calling for the others to meet in the center room. 

It is an awkward shuffle, but they all get in there, Kya at the wall closest to the windows, the others facing her, most sitting, but Iroh standing, fidgeting with his hands, worry riddling his expression. He was scared for Zuko, who wouldn’t be. Kya certainly was. Kya takes a deep breath and begins speaking.

“So, you know how we thought there were going to be about 30 of those fuckers? There are going to be one hundred sixty fucking four of them. We need a new plan. We can’t just corner them at the end of this hallway. We’re outnumbered by far too many. It doesn't matter how skilled all of you are, we need to have a cohesive plan. Yes, we have the guards on our side but even the nationalists outnumber them as we cut out staff to minimize intruders. We also can’t expect all of them to run into this fight blindly as we will or be able to relay this information to them without one of the nationalists finding out about it. They won’t be looped into a cohesive plan like we will be. What we need to count on is for them to take on stragglers that manage to get away from where we round them up. I’ll be back here at noon tomorrow to discuss whatever plan you guys come up with. Now I need to go before more of them wake up, I don’t want to be found here. Toph, let me out?”

Kya looks at petrified faces of horror and dismay looking at her, Toph is the only one who moves, opening a hole in the wall and allowing her out before closing the door behind her. They all knew that this was bad. This is going to be a very difficult situation to maneuver properly. There is some much room for error and so little possibility for it. If they fail, they’re fucked. They have to succeed, they have to save Zuko, they have to rid the Fire Nation and the world of this horror. There’s no other option. 

  
  
  
  
  


When Kya leaves, the first thing that Suki thinks about is the promise she and some of the others had made to Zuko. Sokka not only didn’t know about it but would refuse to follow through with it and actively try to stop them. As soon as she is able to, She gathers Iroh, Toph, and Katara in Hakoda, Bato, and Iroh’s room as is Mai and Ty Lee’s is currently empty.

“Remember that horrible promise that we made Zuko after he tried to kill himself when he found out there were more of those guys?” Suki asks, the others nod, looking sick. “Sokka can’t be with him during the siege. There is now a higher possibility of us failing Zuko...I don’t want him dead, I know none of us do...but the alternative is having him raped and tortured by those monsters again. We can’t let them take him. One of use needs to switch places with Sokka when the time comes. We can say something about how the plan requires him there or whatever or something and that one of us will watch and protect Zuko. If we fail, we snap his neck, just like that. He won’t suffer.” Suki says, hands trembling, tears in her eyes.

She expects there to be an argument over who has to do it, no one wanting to be the one there, but surprisingly, Iroh speaks up. “I’ll do it. I think I can reasonably protect him from the room with fire. Also...I comfort Zuko a lot...his final moments might be the most peaceful with me holding him. He deserves at least that.” Iroh whispers, not hiding his tears. “It also is because I was the one who was supposed to protect my boy and I couldn’t do that. This is my failure, I’ll be the one to pay the price.” He says, 

Katara takes his hand. “You’ve done so much for Zuko over the years. The world would be a different place if you hadn’t done what you did for Zuko. Your brother would have won the war and Aang would be dead. Zuko loves you so much...please, this isn’t your fault. It’s Ozai’s, you’ve done nothing but try and help Zuko for so many years. This isn’t your fault, Iroh.”

The four of them just stand there, hugging each other, crying at what may have to be done to their friend, their nephew, their lover. Whatever happens, it will be bad. Whatever happens, it will haunt them. Whatever happens, the world will never be the same. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ This is fucking stupid, your being an idiot, you’re just getting worked about Akuna. This isn’t the same thing, just because you couldn’t save her in time doesn't mean you need to go around saving traitors. Zuko is fine, his sister isn’t going to hurt him, she said so herself, she pities him, she won’t hurt him. He’ll recover here, you have more important things to do that don’t involve getting yourself executed for high treason. _ Jai thinks to himself, trying to talk himself out of this, but here he is, walking towards the room where Zuko and his fiance are being held. He had overheard a maid talking with someone, mentioning where he was. 

He is now locating said place with two servants uniforms over his sholder, feeling incrediablly stupid, glad he hadn’t passed anyone. Many of the guards and servants must have fled when Azula took power. 

Jai hadn’t drank anything last night, not able to get Zuko out of his mind. Royal wine must be stronger considering how hungover everyone is this morning, so guilt helped him in that department. No one else seemed even mildly concerned about the state Zuko is in, how fucking broken and scared he is. If anything, the others seem to be more interested how he would react to more fire thrown at him, or what would happen if he saw a knife, or heard a whip. They wanted to hurt him. They wanted to convince Azula to let them at him. Pity would only protect Zuko for so long, eventually, Azula may cave, leaving Zuko at their mercy. Jai knew how merciless these people could be. 

It doesn’t matter that Azula will be better for the nation in the long run and that Jai wants the safety of being the strongest nation from when Ozai was ruling back. Zuko being in the palace won’t make Azula’s task easier or harder. He’s a person who has been severely tortured. His personal feelings for Zuko when he was Fire Lord are irrelevant. Zuko doesn’t deserve what is coming to him when Azula’s pity wears off, no one deserves that. 

There isn’t much Jai can do for him considering Zuko can’t walk let alone fight or fire bend, but he can possibly help him out of the palace. If he can get Zuko and his fiance to change, him and the Water Tribe savage could get Zuko’s arms over their shoulders with his head down, say he had injured himself if anyone asked. Zuko was the only one in the palace using a wheelchair and it would be too noticeable. Jai could bring it out to them later when they got out of the palace. 

That is as far as his plan goes. It isn’t much of one. Not much of one at all, but the longer he waits, the more danger Zuko is in and the harder it will be to get him out of here. Zuko just has to get out of here before the others hurt him anymore than he has already been hurt. Before Azula stops protecting him. Before he ends up like Akuna did...Jai couldn’t save his friend, maybe he could save Zuko from more pain.

When Jai reaches the door he had heard the servants talking about and he is surprised that there aren't any guards in front of it. Maybe there aren’t enough guards? Maybe Azula feels her word is enough to protect her brother from her loyal supporters...it probably is...but her word may always change. There is also the strong possibility that she just doesn’t care that much about what happens to Zuko. Why he’s left unguarded isn’t important. The important part is that it is, making this easier. Maybe Agni just wants him to free Zuko? They do have influence over fire benders, maybe if the guards were fire benders They could have influenced the guards to go somewhere else? 

Jai had also always been more spiritual than most, but again, not the point. He is just grateful. Jai touches the door, pushing it open and walking into the room. This had to be the Water Tribe ambassador's room, that’s why everything here was blue. It must be. Is that who Zuko is engaged to? Seems interesting the Azula would let them stay in the ambassador's room if it  _ didn’t  _ initially belong to the Water Tribe man.

Jai is torn from his thoughts by a terrified scream coming from Zuko when he sees Jai walking towards the bed the two men are on. Zuko is in worse shape than Jai initially thought. His face is gaunt and hollow, his skin far too pale, his eyes and hair seem very dull, likely from malnutrition and lack of sunlight. There are terrible scars forming a loop around both of his wrists and ankles, far more prominent on his wrists in a way that looks like he was forced to hang from his wrists for long periods of time. The thought of that alone is enough to make Jai sick. His nose and multiple fingers and toes look like they have been broken and healed. There are scars that look like they are from fire, teeth and fingernails on his neck and shoulder that is exposed as his shirt slips a little from his starved frame. Why someone would be biting or scratching there while Zuko was isolated with a group of cruel, sadistic men makes Jai want to vomit and cry it’s so horrible.  _ They couldn’t have done that, even Ozai wouldn’t have gone that far. _ But that is what he thought about how Zuko was tortured...and he believed Azula when she said she didn’t hurt him. Ozai allowed all of this to happen, why wouldn’t he allow that?

He feels a tickling sensation on his right cheek, he brushes at it and finds it a tear he wasn’t able to hold back at the horrors that this young man must have faced. Zuko was what? 24? Jai was one of if not the youngest member of the New Ozai society at 29 and what Zuko had experienced in his life, even at the age of 13, were horrors Jai would never wish upon anyone and would likely never be forced to endure himself.  _ This is so fucking sick. _

He brings his attention to the two on the bed. Zuko is screaming and sobbing hysterically, flailing, scratching at himself, pushing himself between the wall and the Water Tribe man who is holding Zuko behind his back with one arm and extending his other towards Jai, a mix of anger and fear on his face. “Get the  _ fuck  _ away from us! What the fuck do you want?” He growls, doing his best to protect his fiance despite the destined to fail situation they are in if Jai decided to attack.

“Please, it’s okay, I’m here to help. I won’t hurt either of you, I swear.” Jai says, looking at the Water Tribe man desperately. Someone was going to hear Zuko and this would be over, Jai hadn’t anticipated Zuko to be this terrified of just seeing him. Jai is dressed in pretty normal clothes, but that probably made him stand out as a part of the New Ozai society as everyone else wore a uniform. 

“I want to help get the two of you out of here. I-I’m not a big fan of either of you but no one deserves to be tortured, especially like what was done to Zuko. I just want to help you get out of the palace, I’m sure whatever is out there is better than what could happen to you in here when Azula’s pity wears off. Please, come on.” He practically begs. “Get the fuck out of here. Neither of us want to leave and your fucking scaring him. If you want to help, get the fuck out right now.” the Water Tribe man snaps. However, he does move so that he can pull Zuko into his arms, hugging Zuko to his chest, trying to calm him down. He’s no longer protecting Zuko with his own body, he doesn't see Jai as a threat anymore at least. That’s a step in the right direction. 

“Please, just listen to me. You need to get out of here. I can help you. I’m worried th-”

“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Azula’s distinct, textured voice says behind him. She sounds furious. Jai turns around to see her followed by a maid with long brown hair and blue eyes...she looks almost...Water Tribe. He snaps his attention back to Azula. The threat in the room. The one glaring at him. The one he had made angry as the maid rushes over to the bed with a tray of food, wrapping her arms around the two men so Zuko is between them, wrapped in safety, still sobbing loudly.

Azula grabs him by the collar and leads him outside, closing the door behind them. “I will ask you one more time. What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She growls. Jai looks around the halls, desperate for anyone to help him. Azula showing up wasn’t one of the thing he had considered. He knows she can read people...best give her the truth, not get in trouble for lying too. Maybe she’d kill him faster that way.

“I-I can hear everything the other wan’t to do to him. To Zuko.” He starts, fidgeting with his hands. “He’s been through too much already, I’m worried there’ll be a time when your pity wears off for him. I’m scared you’ll let the others hurt him. I-I can’t stop thinking of my friend when I think of him. May as well help someone in that position. I just wanted to help them get out of the palace, they would need to get out of the city.  _ Please _ , just let them go. Zuko is useless to the Avatar now, he can’t fire bend or fight. Please just let them go, live somewhere they are safe.” He pleads. There is no use pleading for his own life, Azula has likely already decided his fate.

She takes his wrist, leading him down the hall. “Follow me and remain quiet and there will be no need for me to harm you or anyone else. Clear?” Jai nods silently, unsure what she was going to do to him. 

They get lower and lower in the palace until they walk down a staircase leading to what is obviously a dungeon. It isn’t as dark or dank as he would have feared. It is well lit with torches and he hears conversation that stops abruptly. “It’s fine, it’s just me.” The conversation continues. It seems to be about...how to best make a fluffy fruit cake?

When they get to the bottom there are four guards, one sitting at a table playing a game of Pai Sho with the Avatar who is not in a cell nor bound.  _ The fuck? _ “Oh hey, Azula, how is Zuko holding up, I-wait what is he doing here?” The Avatar asks, looking at Jai suspiciously. “He was trying to help Zuko by breaking him out of the palace, misunderstanding my intentions with my brother. He will be spared unlike the others and may possibly be useful for information. Don’t worry, we won’t torture you, but you need to be held here. No one will hurt you. Thank you for being willing to help my brother.” She says, pushing into a cell and closing the door swiftly with little regard. 

“Take good care of him. Don’t hurt him unless he tries to make a violent escape with fire bending. Keep him company. If you need anything, Jai, let them know, if it isn’t unreasonable, it will be provided. Tell them what you like to eat and such. I’m sorry that this is happening to you, I don’t know how much you can be trusted and I can’t risk my brother's safety for your happiness. You’re right about one thing, no one is ever going to hurt Zuko again. Your kindness and empathy will be rewarded, once this is over, I’ll have a chance to see what kind of man you are. If you aren’t to be trusted enough, after this is done, I’ll release you. No harm will come to you in your stay unless you try and hurt someone or escape.” Azula says diplomatically, turning on her heel and leaving before Jai can even think of anything to say.

He is left with the others looking at him and deeply confused at what had just happened, the fact she had remembered his name based on a small conversation not even on his mind. 

  
  



	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a foster dog that we are taking care of and he is the cutest freaking thing. If any of you want to see him I have an Instagram under the same username as I do on here and will likely post some pictures of him there, he is the cutest little boy.  
> Also this chapter is shorter, but the one before it came out last night so I don't feel too bad
> 
> Edit: Pupper pics are now there I love him, he is named Goose

Zuko couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop screaming. He didn’t understand how that man had gotten in here. Azula promised he would be safe. The man hadn’t hurt Zuko or Sokka, but he had gotten in. He saw them. Azula  _ promised. Azlua always lies. _ A voice says in the back of his head, something that sounds familiar and feels so distant. He can’t believe that voice. He  _ has  _ to believe that Azula loves him, that she’ll protect him, that is everything his world is dependent on right now. His life will go back to how father wanted it to be if Azula was lying. Zuko will spend every waking hour in constant agony, begging for the sleep and safety that death would bring. A mercy the men wouldn’t grant him. 

Zuko feels two familiar bodies pressed against him. He is sitting in Sokka’s lap, Zuko’s face turned into his neck, Sokka holding him to his chest, allowing him to break down in safety. There is someone hugging him from the other side. It’s a woman...it isn’t Suki, she’s locked away along with most of the other women he trusts...most of the other  _ people _ he trusts or know won’t hurt him. However, she doesn’t have the lingering smell of cedar smoke that Azula carries with her...Kya maybe? Yeah, it has to be Kya, she’s the only other one not in hiding. 

Zuko relaxes into Kya and Sokka’s hold a little, his sobs turning into hiccups, trembling in their arms. “Shhh, it’s okay turtleduck, it’s alright, he’s gone, he wasn’t going to hurt you, and he’s gone now. You’re still safe. You’re not in any danger, my love. He didn’t want to hurt you, and if he did, Toph would never let him. She was probably assessing the situation, deciding if she needed to come down to break some skulls. It’s alright, we’ve got you, you’re safe.” Sokka mumbles into Zuko’s ear, pressing a kiss to it. 

“Azula took him away. I don’t know where she brought him, but he isn’t here anymore. She was walking with me through the halls to see you. We heard you screaming down the hallway. She was so worried that someone was hurting you. Did he touch you or do anything at all besides talk?” Kya asks, carding her fingers through his hair. Zuko shakes his head, not wanting to speak right now. 

“At least there’s that. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, fire lily.” Sokka whispers, kissing Zuko again. “What do you need, turtleduck?” He asked. Zuko inhales slowly and deeply, trying to calm himself down enough to speak. “Ca-can I l-lay o-on y-you a-and listen t-to y-you h-hum? H-helps.” Zuko chokes out, shifting so his good ear is pressed against Sokka's chest to better indicate what he means by that. 

“Do I hum normally?” Sokka asks as Sokka lays down and Kya situates Zuko so he’s laying comfortably on Sokka’s chest. Zuko nods. “Wh-when y-you’re falling a-asleep a-and s-sometimes wh-when sleeping.” He manages to get out. “I didn’t know I did that. If I’d known it helped I would have done so while awake.” Sokka says before humming quietly, the vibrations deep in Sokka’s chest. Zuko closes his eyes, feeling Sokka’s warmth, the steady rhythm of his heart, and the soothing vibrations of Sokka’s voice moving through him in a very comforting way.

Sokka has one hand tangled in Zuko’s hair, his thumb running along his scalp, his other hand holding Zuko’s hand. Kya is gently rubbing Zuko’s back, refusing to leave them after what just happened and how scared Zuko is. 

Sokka came from good people. Despite everything that Kya had been through in her life, she is still a loving and caring person with the capacity for so much of it. Unsurprisingly, her experiences have made her a little strange, but not in a bad way, just in a...strange way. After her suspicion had worn off and she had let down her walls, she acted a lot like a 25 year old soldier boy. Makes since. She also had some strange habits from living in isolation for so long, such as having a complete conversation with herself. Zuko would sometimes hear her do it when she was watching Zuko and he was resting. It had worried him a little at first, unsure what it meant for him, but Zuko had grown to have a fondness for a kind, familiar voice talking in his vicinity about something mundane, often humorous. It was definitely funny to hear Kya argue with herself as two or more people about what the proper ingredients for a soup she wasn’t cooking was. In another time Zuko may have laughed when she did this, but he never did. No matter her habits, Sokka has a good, kind mother who does her best to make the world a little bit better than how she found it. 

Sokka also has a good father. He doesn’t remember Hakoda very well, but he knows that they were close. He has some vague memories of Hakoda spending time with him, teaching him skills that Zuko may need or just to spend time with him. He remembers so many times where he had messed up what Hakoda was teaching him. Every time, Zuko expected to be physically and severely reprimanded for his failure. Something he had learned from his own father. Zuko always expected Hakoda to strike him, or hold his head underwater, fighting for air in the polar ocean. He never did that. Hakoda would always gently explain what Zuko needed to do and calmly guide his hands and body to better understand the task before Zuko attempted it again. 

No matter how many times this happened, Zuko could never lose the fear of what father had ingrained into him. The fear of Hakoda’s punishments lessened, but they were still there. Every time he failed, a part of him would say  _ this is it.  _ He expected Hakoda to stain the clean white of the snow with the red of Zuko’s blood when beating him for breaking a fishhook Hakoda had made. Opposed to doing that, he just seemed mildly annoyed, gave Zuko another one, showed him how to use it properly and gently told him to be more careful next time. He expected Hakoda to shove Zuko’s face in the snow, foot on the back of his head, kicking his body as Zuko’s screams were muffled by the fresh snow, the ice cutting into his face when Zuko had fallen, scaring off a small pack of arctic hippo they were hunting. Instead Hakoda had clapped him on the back and told him it happened to the best of them and that it’s why you never take a rookie hunter on a trip when the tribe was in desperate need of food. Zuko hadn’t caused the tribe to go hungry because of Hakoda’s forethought. 

Sokka had good parents. He had a good family. Zuko had been fighting with Katara a lot, but it’s because she would respond. It felt better to fight with someone who would than someone who would just take it. It’s why he yelled at Azula and Katara a lot, it made him feel slightly less awful after. Zuko desperately wants that to be a family that he could be a part of. If Sokka still wants to marry him after all of this was done, Zuko wants that. He wants to be with Sokka, feel this safe and loved all of the time. He wants the family with the kind biological parents and then the one weird but kind step parent, and the sister who could take down an army and heal all of their victims in a day. Zuko loves Sokka’s family. He loves Sokka. Zuko just wants to be his and Suki’s. He wants to be safe and loved. 

“Sokka?” He mumbles. “Yeah, turtleduck?”

“I love you...so much, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. I can't remember everything about you, but I know your patient, kind, smart, endearingly annoying, but I do know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He mumbles.

Sokka fully opens his eyes, grinning. “This mean you still want to marry me after all of this is over?” Zuko nods, kissing his chest. “Good...wish you hadn’t proposed to me in front of my mother who is now giving me a very judgmental look, but yes, I want that too. I love you so much, turtleduck.” 

Zuko blushes, having forgotten Kya is there. She laughs a little, kissing the back of Zuko’s head. “You just be good to my boy and I won’t make fun of Sokka for this when you can hear. Deal?” She says. Zuko can see her smiling warmly out of the corner of his eye. “Deal.” He replies, knowing he would do anything and everything he could to keep Sokka in his life. To make Sokka happy. To make all of this up to him. He needed to make this up to Suki a well...he wants to be with her...details isn't what matters right now, he just wants to be with the people who make him feel loved, safe, and happy.

“Zuko’s not even your son-in-law yet and you’re already favoring him over me, see how it is.” Sokka grumbles, kissing the top of Zuko’s head causing a pleasant warmth to spread through his body, smiling, his previous tears drying on his face, no more falling. “How could I not? Look at him.” Kya says softly, continuing to rub Zuko’s back. “Fair enough.” Sokka replies with a content look on his face.

The three of them stay like that for several long, quiet minutes. Zuko slowly becoming completely calm again with the comfort of two people who he loves and trusts. “I need to go, but I’ll be back later. I love both of you so much.” Kya says gently, kissing Sokka’s forehead and the back of Zuko’s head before standing. “I love you too, Kya.” Zuko mumbles as he nuzzles into Sokka’s chest more. 

After she leaves, Sokka resumes humming again, fingers still carding through his hair and rubbing the back of his head. However, Sokka takes his other hand and wraps that arm around Zuko’s waist, pulling him close to replace Kya’s hand. “I love you, turtleduck.” Sokka whispers into Zuko’s hair. “I love you two, cuttlefish.” Zuko replies. 

Sokka lets out a small, humored laugh. “You do know that cuttlefish don’t like cuddle or anything, right? They’re incredibly venomous.” He says, kissing Zuko’s head again. “Hmmm, my venomous little cuttlefish.” Zuko mumbles, feeling like Hakoda had once said something about that, but the memory is blurry. “You’re officially banned from giving me nicknames. I give you cute and fun nicknames, chili pepper, and you give me names like ‘slimy sea prune’ and ‘venomous little cuttlefish’, what’s with that, fire lily?” He asks fondly. 

Zuko smiles a little, looking up at Sokka. “Thought you didn’t like chili peppers. Also, it isn’t my fault that you’re from the south pole and the animals and plants there need to be more robust to survive and therefore less cute, Dolphin piranha.” Zuko replies, kissing Sokka’s chest gently. 

“Okay, chili peppers are growing on me, but, hey. First off, robust things can be cute, turtleduck.” Sokka huffs. “Oh like what, sea sponge?”

“Like me, I’m cute and robust.”

“You’re just annoying in a cute way.” 

“You’re lucky  _ you’re _ cute if you’re gonna say shit like that to me, love.” Sokka grumbles. Zuko just feels warm, a small smile still on his face, unsure where the confidence to tease Sokka and not fear of his reaction came from. But he likes it. This felt natural, like how their relationship used to be. When he was safe and happy...feeling a semblance of that now.

“Second of all, you aren’t limited to our cute and robust creatures in the south pole. There’s a world of flora and fauna out there. Also, for the record, otter penguins are fucking adorable.” Sokka says, laughing a little. “Okay, moon flower.” Zuko replies, running his thumb over Sokka’s bottom lip. “I like that one, Earth Kingdom has some lovely flora, eggplant.” 

Zuko smiles a little again. “I love you, moon flower.” He whispers, closing his eyes again. “I love you too, turtleduck.” Sokka soon begins to hum again, letting Zuko to sink into love and safety again, feeling as if the world could never touch him again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“The plan is simple. Azula is going to gather everyone into the front of the palace where she was coronated so that she can speak to everyone at once. It’s the only space big enough to comfortably hold 164 adults where they can all hear her at once. She can begin talking about something or other for a little as those people hang onto her every word like it was spoken directly by Agni Themself. While she is doing this, Aang and Toph begin to corral them into an enclosed area, starting with the left and right sides which will give minimal time for some to escape. Aang and Toph will need to focus to do this quickly and correctly. Myself, Mavi, Kiya (these two are 2 of the 4 Kyoshi warriors I finally gave names to), Ty Lee, Mai, and Katara will be protecting Toph and Teya, Kyayen (2 other Kyoshi warriors I finally gave names to), Suki, Bato, Azula, and Sokka will be protecting Aang.” Hakoda says, looking at Kya dutifully. 

“Kya, no offense but you don’t have much experience with battle and at this stage I would like you to stand to the side. It’s going to be dangerous, you don’t have formal training and aren’t a bender, it would be bad if you also ended up needing protection during this. You will be more helpful when we pick those who escaped off or firing projectables into the corral will make.” He says, giving her a guilty look. Kya nods, fully understanding. These people were trained fire benders who would find the weakest link and exploit it. She didn’t want to endanger her family or friends. 

“Iroh and Sokka will be switching positions guarding Zuko, you will need to tell Sokka this. Iroh has argued he can better protect Zuko from a cornered position such as the room if the enemy gets to them considering he can literally breath fire and shoot lightning. Hopefully it won’t come to that. Also, Sokka has become great at thinking on his feet when his plans fall through, he will be an asset in the field.”

“After Toph and Aang have constructed a wall about ten feet high, Aang and his group will move to the stage and Toph and hers will move to the back. They will construct walls there the same height. After that, Aang and his group will begin picking off those still in the corral where Toph and hers will track down those who escape. Toph won’t be able to see fireballs flying through the air and can better track down hiding members. The night before, Azula will need to throw some loud and/or drunken gathering. That is when Toph will slip outside and seal the doorways to every wall leading outside of the palace. It minimizes where they can get out. The guard at those posts will be responsible for informing their shift change as there will be no need and to prepare for a strike the next day and to sleep well that night.”

Hakoda sighs, looking at her. “That’s all we were able to come up with. We can only hope that it’s enough.” He says sadly, Bato gently touches his shoulder, giving him a small smile. Hakoda puts his hand over Bato’s, holding the hand there. “It has to be.” Kya replies mournfully. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure if the spirits and Avatar have gender at all and I am personally religious and refer to God by They/Them/Their pronouns because not all humans even conform to the gender binary so why would God and by extension, these spirits. I just referred to Agni by They/Them/Their and if there is any confusion that is why. Also if I am incorrect, yell at me.


	42. Chapter 42

I am kind of at a writer's block with this right now. I know what I am going to do in the long run but everything I have been trying to do to connect those parts I just don't like and have been deleting it and rewriting it. I am hoping that something that I like will come to me relatively soon because I do really like this fic a lot and I want to do the other things I have planned for it. I am working on my other fic (completely unrelated to this one because Zuko and Toph's friendship brings me joy) and hoping that something will come to me if I just don't force it  
Also if anyone wants to yell anything at me, feel free. Best case scenario it will help and we can move forward with this boi

Side Note: I don't know how many of you live in the United States and/or are following the domestic terrorists on capital hill but…the vibes here are bad.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not sure how long this lack of writer's block will last but this will likely begin to update more like a normal fic does like once every few days not once ever 36ish hours. My school is delaying move in so I broke down and then wrote this.

“That’s a...very general plan.” Azula says, tapping her fingers on her desk concerned that this wouldn’t work. She couldn’t think of anything else really and she knew that there was a time crunch. Even while they were speaking, more members of the New Ozai society were pouring into the palace. They had to do this soon. They have to protect the world, the Fire Nation, and Zuko. However, a part of her that she doesn’t want to acknowledge is happy that this is the plan that has been chosen. That part  _ wants  _ this to be violent. It  _ wants  _ this to be a bloodbath. She  _ wants  _ these people to fucking suffer like they are so willing to do to Zuko.

“I know.” Kya sighs. “It’s our best shot, it’s better than running into this blind and hoping for the best. I’m just worried...very worried. What if we fail, wh-”

“That’s not an option. We can’t afford failure in this. We do or die.” Azula replies curtly, anxiety welling inside of her. “If we fail, the world will be thrown back into war, many of us will be dead or...well worse than death.” She says quickly, looking around the room. “Have you told Sokka about this yet?” Kya shakes her head. “I was wondering if you think I should tell Sokka in front of Zuko. I was thinking that one of us could be with Zuko and tell him that Sokka and Iroh will be switching places for the attack, but the other should take Sokka somewhere else and tell him the nature of the situation, such as how many there are. He still doesn’t know.”

Azula hadn’t thought of that. So much that wasn’t directly related to this was slipping through the cracks, she is so overwhelmed and anxious. “I’ll stay with Zuko and tell him, I want to spend some time with him. You talk to Sokka in the next room. You haven’t had much time together. Don’t stand in the hallway, can’t have one of those fuckers seeing the two of you together, we get more likely to be caught every hour. 

Luckily, they believed me when I said that I had arrested Jai for trying to hurt my brother and going against my direct orders. I told them that Jai would have a chance to prove himself to me at a later time to earn his freedom. I told them that the reason Jai was trying to hurt Zuko was nothing but contempt for Zuko’s rule, not defiance of mine.” Azula says, deeply annoyed that Jai could have cost them fucking everything which is why he wasn’t allowed visitors. He couldn’t be allowed to warn the others. She had no idea where his loyalties were. She wasn’t going to find out with her friends’ lives on the line.

“Who’s Jai?” Kya asks, cocking her head. Azula had completely forgotten that she hadn’t spoken to Jai after Azula had dragged him out of the room and that Kya never got his name. She also forgot that Kya had no idea why Jai was in there as she had never heard his explanation unlike Azula had. 

“He was the guy in Sokka’s room. He was trying to get Zuko and Sokka to get out of the palace. He was worried I was going to let the others hurt Zuko at some point. He was in the military and had a friend that was tortured by general Fong, an Earth Kingdom general who was just as corrupt as my father. After his friend was liberated, she killed herself a week later from what was done to her.” Azula explains. “He may have the wrong ideas about how to make the world a better place, but he has a good heart. I won’t punish him for that, but I can’t have him walking around the palace. Hopefully he can give us some information, he hasn’t given us anything too useful yet. We aren’t hurting him or anything, just talking.” Azula finishes, looking at Kya, completely exhausted. 

“I know people are angry with what was done to Zuko, I am too and have no objection to spilling blood opposed to something more…discrete, but aren’t you worried that someone is going to get hurt with this? Someone with us could die, Azula. I know that none of the staff has been informed about this and we’re just putting them somewhere safe while it happens, but shouldn’t we do something safer and less satisfying? Or at least partially? We could poison them while eating.” Kya says desperately. Azula shakes her head. “They don’t all eat at the same time, every meal takes several hours, people moving in and out, sitting around and talking before and after eating. People would start getting sick with the same symptoms before all of them were poisoned. It would become very clear about what had happened.”

They both sit in silence for several long minutes. “Kya, do you want to sit this out? No one will blame you. You can be in charge of getting the servants to the designated area to wait out the fight and stay with them. You don’t have the same training as everyone else here, everyone will understand. I trust you to make whatever choice will best serve our cause. If you think it will be more beneficial to hide and not add yourself as a target or if you think you will be useful in hunting down these monsters and  _ able  _ to kill them. I don’t know if you’ve ever killed anyone, Kya, the only reason Aang has been able to go this long without killing anyone while in a war is because of his bending, something you don’t have. If you choose to fight, you need to prepare yourself to be a killer. You don’t need to give me an answer now, but you need to know the night before we strike, alright?” Azula says, looking at the woman intently.

Kya doesn’t look like a killer, but then again, what does a killer even look like. Katara is a healer, kind hearted, gentle and definitely doesn’t look like a killer; however, she is a ferocious warrior and has taken multiple lives without regret. There is a lot of Kya’s life that is completely unknown, so much of that time left in solitude. There were likely many instances where she was forced to defend herself from multiple threats. 

Kya’s expression is pensive, but not conflicted. That makes Azula think that Kya _has_ killed people. She knows she can kill people but all of those instances likely have been where she has an advantage. Not where she is fighting people from every angle, defending her friends and family along with her own life. Neither woman says anything to indicate a clear answer. “Thank you, Azula.” Kya says, nodding at her slightly. 

“Azula?” Kya says after a long pause. “Yes?”

“I’ve seen and heard about how Zuko has treated you when he starts going into one of his episodes, and I know that can’t be easy. He’s said some pretty horrible things. I know you're sacrificing a lot for him as being one of his primary caregivers and one of his main outlets for fear in the form of cruelty. I know that you're putting yourself in a very precarious situation personally and politically as taking on these roles along with that of the Fire Lord. We all know that he’s going through a lot and that what he’s saying and doing is out of desire for safety and survival, not spite. I won’t hold it against you if you need to talk about him or just vent.” She says, touching Azula’s shoulder. 

Azula looks up at her, surprised. She has been angry at Zuko a lot for how he has talked to her and Katara, but her focus has been on fixing his broken mind and body. Bringing her brother back to life, not sparing her own feelings. “I understand that right now this may not be what you want to talk about considering everything that is going on. After this is over, when things go back to what we are now considering normal, you can talk to me if you want. I won’t judge you for being angry at Zuko. You’ve been doing so much for him, been taking such good care of him. I know you two have had a rocky relationship in the past, but he’s lucky to have you as a sister, and we’re lucky to have you on our side. Thank you for everything that you have done for him and everything you are doing for us. I’m sorry for ever doubting you. For thinking that you were the same as the people who took me from my home and years of my life. You’re one of the most loyal and brave people I have ever met in my life.” She says, taking Azula’s hand in her own, squeezing it.

Azula feels a tug at her heart. She wishes she had been able to have even a moment like this with her own mother. She understands why she and her mother were never close, but it still hurt. Her father had definitely played the largest role in that. He had moved Azula into his hulking shadow at a very young age, grooming her to be his successor. He made sure she trained harder, studied more, and fully believed and enacted his beliefs throughout her life and would continue to do so during her rule. Her father had capitalized on her natural ambition and strength, twisting it into something horrible. He had made sure that there was a rift between her and Zuko. He needed to be able to get rid of his oldest son, the one who was supposed to be his successor, with no pushback from his daughter so as to not create a rift between Azula, herself and her father. 

She knows how Ozai was always cruel to Ursa. How much had been taken from her and Zuko was the only good thing left in her mother’s life. Azula had only added to the horror in Zuko’s life. She had helped make it so Zuko failed at the near impossible tasks her father had given Zuko, causing him to suffer more. Azula had taunted him as he was forced to go days without food as some twisted punishment by his own father, laying in bed, crying as their mother held him, trying to console him, forbidden from bringing him anything to eat as it would simply end in more pain for Zuko. 

Azula understands why she and her mother had never been close, but she had also never even really tried to bridge that gap between the two of them. Azula wasn’t angry at her mother just…sad. If Ursa is still alive out there, somewhere, no matter how unlikely, she hopes that maybe they can bridge that gap. Better late than never. They could build a relationship between the new woman that Azula had become. One who cared for her brother and the nations outside of her own, and defeated her father. The one who sent him to the grave he should have been in years ago. 

Kya moves forward, wrapping her arms around Azula, who is surprised for a moment before returning it. “Thank you, Kya.” She says softly. “In your defense, I was a very different person until several years after the end of the war. Very much like my father. After the Avatar won the war, Zuko beat me in an Agni Kai for the throne and he put me in a mental hospital which is where I was up until less than two weeks before we found you.” Azula says as the two pull away, giving Kya a small smile.

“Really?” Kya replies, seeming very surprised, cocking her head. “What’s an Agni Kai?” 

“It’s a duel between firebenders, Zuko banned them after he took the throne, our father used one to abuse his power and burn Zuko’s face and banish him because he was a horrible person.” Azula growls, wishing for the millionth time she could kill her father again, more painfully at all he had done. Being burned alive for less than ten minutes was too merciful for that man.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here and who you are now. Seems my husband had decided to bring Zuko into the family long before Zuko and Sokka became a couple, he can’t stop me from bringing you into it as well, if you would like that. You don’t have to do any of this on your own. You have people who love you and want the best for you. Also, probably the first time in history a Water Tribe peasant family took two separate Fire Lords into their family. Probably the first for even one, but I don’t want to risk it.” Kya says, laughing a little. “But seriously, Azula, I know you have your uncle, but you have us too.” She says.

Azula feels tears prick in her eyes, wrapping her arms around Kya again. “Thank you. It really means a lot to me. Like a lot. When this is all over, I’m sure that you and your family will want to go back to the South Pole, since it's been far too long since you have been home. If you ever want to come back to the Fire Nation, you’ll have the best set up with royal perks. I swear the place is nicer when you aren’t in a prison, mistrusting everyone around you, or dealing with terrorists trying to bring the world back into war. I can show you some of the nicer parts of this country that you haven’t been able to see.” Azula says warmly.

“And if you ever want, I can show you around the South Pole. Ever seen the Aurora Australius? It’s absolutely beautiful.” Azula shakes her head, having no idea what that is. “It’s lights in the sky, not like anything you ever see here. It’s this beautiful emerald green with dark purple predominantly, but there are other colors as well. Also nights where there is freshly fallen snow and a full moon, you don’t even need a flame to light your way. The world around you just glows. It’s absolutely gorgeous.” Kya says wistfully. 

“You’ll see it again soon, Kya. I hope to see it someday, sounds gorgeous.” She says, genuinely smiling for the first time in several days. “Thank you, Kya, for everything. Thank you for giving Zuko and I a chance and for being willing to help him as much as you have. He’d be in a lot worse of shape if you weren’t here. I hope that things still work out between him and Sokka. He’s been much happier ever since the others accepted him into the family. He was sad for a really long time. I know you haven’t been able to spend much time with them, but you have a wonderful family.” Azula says without thinking, resting her head on Kya’s shoulder. 

The two stay like that for just moments and simultaneously hours before Azula grudgingly pulls away. “We should go see the boys. I’ll talk to Zuko, you talk to Sokka. Make sure to tell Sokka not to tell Zuko how many people are actually here. We’re going to do this. It’s going to be alright.” Azula says, feeling like she was trying to convince herself of that as well.

The two of them walk through the palace. Azula walks in front, head held high, back straight, eyes scanning the halls that they walk through asserting her control over her domain. Kya trails behind her with her head down, intentionally giving a more submissive pose. The two of them couldn’t be seen walking next to each other as if they were friends. It would raise suspicions and that is something that they couldn’t risk. There are 137 of them here today, the rest will be arriving tomorrow. The day after that is when they will strike. Azula has to act like the person she once was and now despises to protect the people she has grown to love deeply. She has to remain strong, to show her supporters that she sees herself as above anyone else in this world, that she is above the other nations, that she is above them.

Well, she is above the members of the New Ozai society, but so is a weasel snake. It’s not too much of a compliment to herself of anyone else. It means that she is someone who wouldn’t torture someone beyond recognition in multiple ways, completely breaking them. 

When they reach the room Kya simply walks into the room next door. There is no need for her to stand outside and draw attention to herself. “Sokka.” Azula says, walking into the boys’ room. 

Sokka lifts his head, hair out of it’s wolf tail, looking at her a little drowsily. Zuko lets out a yelp, flinching away from her violently, trembling and clutching onto Sokka as if his life depended on it. Zuko probably felt like it did. “Hey, brother. Kya wants to talk to Sokka for a little bit and I need to talk to you. I’ll be in here the entire time that Sokka is gone. You won’t be alone. I swear that you won’t, alright?” She asks.

Zuko looks nervously as Sokka. “It’s alright, turtleduck. I’ll be back soon. Azula will protect you and I won’t be gone for long.” He says, cupping Zuko’s cheek in his hand and kissing him tenderly. Zuko still had so much ground he needed to cover to be back to anywhere near how he was before, but this was a lot of improvement. He was allowing Sokka to kiss him without explicitly asking permission beforehand, not only that, Zuko seemed to really enjoy it. It seemed to make him feel a little safer. He trusts Sokka to simply kiss him as a way of expressing love and affection, not demanding anything more from him. It’s a lot of progress from not being able to even see Sokka without completely freaking out. 

Azula checks the hallway for anyone passing by. “She’s in that room.” Azula says, pointing at the next door and Sokka hurries over, quietly closing the door behind him.

Azula slowly walks back over to Zuko, sitting on the bed next to him. “How are you doing, brother?” She asks, giving him a warm smile. “I-I’m scared, Azula. I want them gone. What if they hurt me? Please just get rid of them. I-I need to be safe.” Zuko whimpers, slowly sitting up with a lot more grace than he had last time.

“You’re getting stronger. That’s good.” She comments, touching his cheek. “Tomorrow, the rest of them arrive. The day after that is when we attack. We’re getting rid of all of them. It will be a message to the Fire Nation and to the world that Ozai’s tyrannical rule is not only over but will not be tolerated. You will be safe. I will never let anyone touch you again, brother. I swear to you.”

Zuko nods, closing his eyes, placing a hand over hers. “I-I trust you, Azula.” He whispers, letting out a long, slow, shaky breath. 

“There’s something I need to tell you. It isn’t bad, I just don’t want to freak you out when it happens. On the day that we attack, Iroh and Sokka are going to switch places. He can better protect you from a cornered position better than Sokka could with his bending.” She says.

Zuko’s eyes widen with fear. “N-no fire!” He yelps, pulling away from her. “I know that you’re afraid of fire, but Iroh would never burn you. Also…I’m assuming that you haven’t told Sokka about the promise that we made you. Iroh will keep his promise. He knows when he can’t win a battle long before it is over. He understands that you can’t take anymore pain. He will never let anyone hurt you ever again. In the unlikely event that we can’t win this, he’ll pull you close to his chest, hold you, make you feel loved and safe one last time and then snap your neck so no one can ever hurt you again. I think that is also why those two are switching. This message was relayed through Kya who would also likely be adamantly against killing you. You will never suffer again, brother. Is this okay with you?” She asks, reaching her arms out to Zuko.

Zuko slowly pulls himself into her lap, wrapping his arms around her, burying his head in her shoulder. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for protecting me.” He says softly, gripping the back of her robe with his clenched fists. “Of course, brother. I love you, I’ll protect you. You and uncle are the family that I have left. I spent so much of my life at odds with you, I’ll make up for all that lost time as much as I can.” Her words making the strands of Zuko’s growing hair dance, it still didn’t have any of the glossy look it used to have before he was taken. 

“Mom might still be alive.” Zuko says softly. Azula’s heart skips a beat. “Wh-what?” She asks, completely shocked. “A-a few days ago a memory of me visiting father in prison came back. I-I visited him several times…one time I asked him where mom was. He said she was banished and returned to her home village. I-I can’t remember why, but that isn’t the important part. She may still be alive, we could try and find her after all of this. We could try and bring her back. I don’t know…if you would want that.” He says quietly, not looking up at her. If anything, he buries his face deeping into her shoulder.

“I would love that, brother. Right now, we need to focus on keeping you safe and getting you better. If mom is in her home village, she is likely safe and somewhat happy. It isn’t urgent to get to her. It is urgent to keep you safe. I love you so much brother, we’ve just started to get to know each other, just started to form a real relationship. I won’t lose you now. There is so much you have left to do. No more of your life will be filled with pain. I’ll do everything I can to make the rest of your life filled with kindness, love, and peace, I promise you.” Azula whispers. 

Zuko nuzzles closer to her, mumbling something incohesive but that sounded affectionate. All too soon, Sokka and Kya walk in. They say their goodbyes and Azula and Kya leave the room. “I guess it’s time for me to talk to Aang.” She mumbles to Kya and begins to make her way down to the dungeons. 

  
  


Jai is a weird guy, but definitely interesting. Aang can’t say he’s the biggest fan of the man considering he so willingly and violently supported Ozai. He had participated in the siege that had taken Zuko. The siege that had brought Zuko to those monsters who tortured him until he shattered. Until the only reason Aang was even able to recognize his friend was the scar on his face. He looked, sounded, acted, talked and felt completely different. These monsters didn’t seem to show an ounce of remorse for what they had done to Zuko. How they had broken a human being, forcing him to suffer in pain and terror. 

Aang believes in forgiveness and in giving people a second chance, no matter who they are or what they have done. If he hadn’t offered that to Zuko, he would have never had a firebending teacher, he would have died when Ozai sent the lightning at him…no, the earth kingdom would have been wiped out. Aang would have never fought Ozai on the day of Sozin’s comet. He wouldn’t have known about the attack without Zuko. If he hadn’t given Zuko a second chance, a man who again and again proved he couldn’t be trusted, the world would be in shambles.

Being raised by monks does have many advantages, learning how to control one’s emotions, learning how to meditate, to have a better understanding of individuals, learning to forgive your enemies, the people who have hurt you. However, it definitely has its drawbacks. Aang has never killed anyone or anything before and hopes to go the rest of his life that same way. However, he deeply regrets not killing Ozai. He should have let his past lives kill Ozai, not stopping them when he had. It would have taken some of the responsibility off of his shoulders, and all of the guilt from his heart at what had been done to Zuko. If Aang had killed Ozai, Zuko would still be Fire Lord, in a functional, happy relationship with Sokka and Suki. Zuko would feel safe, he may not still be fully mentally sound, but he would be okay. He would be able to function properly, be able to hear his name, see fire, defend himself, make eye contact, eat, sleep alone, just not be constantly suffering from trauma. 

Aang had tried to talk to Jai some, partially to learn whatever he could about the New Ozai society, but also just to make conversation. He was stuck underground with his own guilt. There are only so many games of pai sho he can play and only so many times he can hear Lee tell him about the time he fought off a sea serpent that got bigger every time he told the story before he got bored. 

Jai seemed to be very lost in thought, very unsure of himself. All Aang knew was that Jai even saw that what had been done to Zuko was truly horrific and inhumane. He wasn’t a blind supporter of the New Ozai society anymore. He truly believed and showed that he thought that what was done was wrong and when Aang had spoken to him, it sounded like a lot of his other beliefs in Ozai were falling apart as well. He may be a useful ally in the future especially considering Azula has shown him no hostility while in prison.

Azula has become someone kind and empathetic…still capable of levying entire armies, but she was now a person Aang thought impossible for her to become. The woman who had killed him and tried to kill both Zuko and Katara has now become someone he may consider a friend. She has become one of the people most involved and concerned with Zuko’s wellbeing. Neither of Ozai’s children had ever been evil, they just had a cruel and manipulative father who exploited them at every turn. Ozai had turned Azula’s heart to ice and had shattered Zuko’s.

Zuko is pulled away from his thoughts when he hears footsteps and Azula call: “It’s just me!” before she appears in the dungeon. She looks strong and proud as ever, but exhausted, shaken. “Hey Azula.” Aang says, walking over to her. “What’s up?”

“We have a plan, let’s talk in private.” She says before walking over to Jai’s cell. He’s sitting in the back right corner, knees up, looking at his hands. “Do you need anything?” She asks him, he just shakes his head wordlessly, looking down. Aang would probably feel a lot worse for him if he hadn't participated in drugging and kidnapping his friend.

As they walk around a corner to an empty part of the dungen, somewhere out of earshot of Jai, Aang rests his hand on Azula’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about him, he’s alright, no one hurt him, he’s just having an existential crisis. He just needs to think and get through it.” Azula gives him a tired smile. “Thank you, Aang.”

“So, what’s this plan we’ve got?” Azula sighs. “You’re not going to like it.” She then begins to relay the plan to him. Azula is right, Aang does not like this plan. 

After she finishes, Aang looks at her with concern. “Azula…i this really the best way to approach this, we cou-”

“They deserve to suffer for what they did!” Azula yells, a little bit of who she used to be showing, he voice pained, tears in her eyes. “The others have seen what was fucking done to Zuko. They  _ know  _ he’s been here for over a month. They know Ozai did something horrific to him and just don’t fucking care. I’ve heard them joking about the shit they’ll do to him once I lose my attachment to Zuko. It isn’t much different from what was done to him. If you don’t fucking belive me ask Jai. It’s why he’s down here, he tried to free Zuko because of the shit he heard. Everyone else up there doesn’t fucking care. They’re all monsters.”

“Azula, I understand that, but we could go with a less violent method, we could po-”

“I’m going to feel them fucking die!” She screams, shooting fire from her hands on either side of her, shaking, tears rolling down her cheeks. Aang flinches a little at her sudden display of anger. She begins to breathe deeply, closing her eyes, trying to calm herself before speaking again. “Aang, you don’t have to kill anyone, you just need to help build the wall and keep them in there. The others will do that. Everyone feels the same way. You haven’t spent much time with Zuko, he’s horrible. He was so scared of Sokka for the longest time that he needed Sokka’s hands to be bound to even be in the same room as him. He’s scared of fire, like, deathly afraid of fire. After his failed suicide attempt he begged me to kill him because he would rather die than stand a chance of anyone hurting him again. He can’t hear his own fucking name without freaking out. They took Zuko, my brother, your friend, if things continue to work out between you and Katara and him and Sokka, your future brother in law and fucking broke him again and again. They don’t get an easy death. On top of that, not everyone eats the meals at the same time. People simply just don’t eat sometimes or don’t drink. I would fail to poison them and it could make things far more complicated and dangerous. They would know they had been poisoned long before they were dead. I think it would be more likely for them to hurt someone. They would have no chance of getting out of this alive and therefore would be reckless with no intention of preserving themselves as there would be no point. They would make sure we suffered in every way possible before going out themselves. I want them fucking dead. I want them to fucking suffer. Will you help us, Aang?”

Azula is still shaking, but it isn’t with anger anymore, it is with pain. Aang knew she had spent all day every day with Zuko for the first week that he was home. He had screamed at her, tried to hurt her, professed his contempt and violent wishes on her and she had stayed. After that, she was still with him so much of the time, comforting Zuko no matter how horribly he treated her, how painful it was to watch Zuko fall apart. She had taken on the role of Fire Lord to protect Zuko, a position that would likely make it so she was ridiculed for the rest of her life not only for her actions during the war, but for her elaborate act here. She was sacrificing her wellbeing now and in the future to protect Zuko, to save him. 

She is right about one thing, Aang has no idea how terrible Zuko is right now and Azula and Katara are the two who have sacrificed so much for Zuko to possibly be okay again. They have done so much and haven’t rested. Aang doesn’t understand what they're feeling.

Aang takes a deep breath before speaking. “My biggest regret as of today is allowing Ozai to live as I saw him as a person as well as a tyrant. I was warned by my past lives, by my friends to kill him and I refused to do so. Due to my indecision, Zuko will never be the same no matter what we do or how much time he is given. I should have listened to Kuruk. I went to visit the Western Air temple again to connect with my mentor and guardian, Gyatso. His body was surrounded by that of Fire Nation soldiers. I won’t abandon my morals and take a life like he or Yangchen were willing to do when the time called for it, but I will help. No one will ever touch Zuko again.”

  
  



	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 2:30 pm on the day that my school was supposed to send out new move in information. There is still nothing. Vibes are bad.

All of them are here. 164 of those mother fuckers. Well, 163 considering Jai is in prison. All of them are here. Kya had left to inform the others in hiding of this. Tonight Toph would seal the gates along with informing all guards there would be a battle the next day, Kya would bring the servants along with Iyasu into hiding, and Azula would distract the New Ozai society members with a party she is throwing together and is already hating.

She wishes that she could just poison them all tonight. However, she had seen every night how some didn’t eat or got food from elsewhere, many drank from their own flasks they had brought and drink is infinitely more easy to poison than food. Many more simply wouldn’t eat enough to do anymore than the poison to make them sick. They would rain terror down on Azula, Sokka, and Zuko before the others had a chance to help.

She wants this to be over. She wants to be able to pull Zuko’s head on her lap, run her fingers through his hair and with full honesty tell him that he is safe. She wants to be able to see him getting a little better every day with a mix of professional help and time without new threats coming to set him back even more like this. She wants to be able to see him sitting in the courtyard between the two people who he loves and who love him unconditionally, who have proved that time and time again, who will do anything to protect him. She wants to do everything she can to make sure the rest of his life is filled with kind words, warmth, good company, and gentle touches. After the last fucker is dead, she will make sure Zuko gets the life he deserves.

“Fire Lord Azula.” She is pulled from her thoughts as a servant walks into the room. “Yes?”

“Is there anything in particular you would like served at the dinner tonight?” Azula sighs, thinking for a moment before shrugging. “Really whatever is the easiest for the kitchen staff in terms of making and cleaning up. Everyone will be going with Kya tonight so don’t overdo yourselves. Also, have my brother and Sokka eaten yet?” The servant shakes her head. “Have Kya bring Zuko some noodle soup. Make sure it’s a large portion with a good amount of meat and vegetables, he needs to eat as much as he is willing to. Make sure it has a lot of broth, sometimes that is all he will eat. If he can’t eat all of it, Sokka will finish it. He doesn't let food go to waste. Kya will know what Sokka wants to eat, ask her.” The servant bows, leaving.

Azula can imagine Sokka coaxing Zuko to drink bits of broth from the far end of the bed, smiling at him encouragely, trying to talk him into eating the solids. Maybe Zuko would even let Sokka get near him while he is eating now. Sokka hadn’t been near him when he was force fed and choking. She still feels so fucking guilty about that. Zuko, who had a horrible fear of things being forced into his mouth was choked with food by people who said they would protect him. Who said they would never hurt him. Who said they weren’t anything like the men who had tortured him.

_ We’re going to avenge you, Zuko. We’re going to protect you. You’re going to be safe and you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life. I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again. None of us will.  _

Zuko has finally stopped trembling after several hours of Sokka soothing him. He trusts the people that had saved him and have been helping him recover and have been doing everything that they can to protect him. He trusts them to make sure he isn’t hurt again. He trusts uncle to snap his neck if things get too bad. He’s just so scared that their best won’t be enough. He’s terrified uncle will hesitate to snap his neck and in that moment he’ll be struck down and Zuko will be left at the mercy of the men again. They’ll drag him down into the dark and he’ll never feel Agni again. He will never know a moment that is without pain and humiliation for the rest of his miserable life. He will never know rest. He will lose all hope and succumb to the darkness that will engulf him. Body, soul, and all. 

Zuko snuggles into Sokka’s bare chest wrapping an arm around him. Katara had made it clear that Zuko wasn’t an easy person to be around right now and he regrets the way he had treated her and Azula. He knows he works himself up into fits of terror and takes it out on the people around him before he even knows what he’s doing. Luckily he has been able to be more conscious about them and they don’t last as long. 

He still knows that he hasn’t been an easy person to be around especially recently. Sokka and Suki hadn’t left him. Zuko had screamed at Suki and threatened her multiple times and she still not only wants to protect him but wants to be with him. She wants to stay with him, she doesn’t want Zuko out of her life for good.

Zuko had been worse to Sokka. From day one he had expressed mistrust to him. Sokka had been the one to hold him and carry him to safety when he was rescued and all Zuko could do was struggle and beg to be left there, breaking Sokka’s tender heart. When Sokka had visited, trying to show Zuko his love, Zuko had screamed at him and Sokka had been attacked for it. When Zuko was finally willing to see Sokka he demanded Sokka’s hands be bound and then made Sokka suffer for a nightmare Zuko had. When Zuko was finally willing to see Sokka again, the second time he visited, Zuko had beaten him with no way to escape. Zuko made this whole time very difficult on Sokka.

Despite everything, Sokka is still here, humming softly, lazily running his fingers through Zuko’s hair, never once pulling it, occasionally pressing a chaste kiss to his head or face. Considering Sokka is from the South Pole and the Fire Nation is incredibly hot, he complains about the heat a lot. Zuko had put a lot of thought into what he would be okay with and finally had told Sokka once night that he could be in his underwear if he wanted. 

Sokka mostly stayed like that now. He never once let his hand stray under Zuko’s clothes without good reason and explicit permission. If one of Sokka’s hands ever began to stray somewhere Zuko didn’t want them, Sokka would immediately comply with Zuko’s request with no hesitation. Sokka would never hurt him, he would never touch him in any way Zuko didn’t want to. Sokka wasn’t like the men who took him. Sokka relished in Zuko’s comfort, not his pain.

Zuko wants to get better not just for himself but for Sokka and Suki. He wants to be happy and safe with the two of them so bad it hurts. Zuko needs to get better. He wants to be able to go back to his life. To have somewhat normal relationships again, to be able to walk, to see a candle and not feel burning hands pressing against his body. Going back to that means stepping out of what he feels safe doing. It means after he is safe again, he needs to do things he doesn’t want to do. See people he doesn't want to see that he knows would never hurt him.

“Sea prune?”

“Yeah? Please don’t tell me that’s the nickname you're sticking with. You don’t even like sea prunes. I’m beginning to think you don’t like me.” Zuko laughs a little, pressing a soft kiss to Sokka’s chest. “This might seem a little random, but can you tell me what your father is like? I don’t really remember much about him other than a few moments. I want my life back, Sokka. I want to start after we get rid of the men.” 

Sokka presses a kiss to the top of Zuko's head. “That’s wonderful to hear, my dad will be thrilled. You two got very close. He looks intimidating and I mean, he can fuck some shit up but only if it’s necessary. Most of the time he’s not like that. He was gone for several years of mine and Katara’s lives, but he’s a good father and a good man in general. He’s compassionate with most people that he interacts with. He would never do anything to hurt you, I can assure you of that. However, a lot of the time he acts like a 14 year old, telling dirty jokes and being an idiot.”

“Sounds like you take after him, especially in that last area. Although I’d say your mental capacity is at 11.”

“You’re really fucking lucky that I love you, turtleduck.”

“But seriously, if your father is anything like you, that’s a good thing.” Zuko shifts a little so he is eyes level with Sokka, kissing him gently, feeling Sokka tenderly kiss him back, cupping his cheek in his hand. “I love you, Sokka.”

“I love you too, turtleduck.” They stay in silence for a few minutes before Zuko speaks again. “Sokka? Can you try calling me by my name? Like saying what you did before but with my name in it? I don’t know if I can hear it, but I want to try. I want to claim it again someday, I want to see if I’m there yet.”

Sokka wraps his arms a little tighter around Zuko’s waist, making him feel safe in his strong arms. “I love you, Zuko.”

The name doesn’t send a wave of terror and nausea through him like it had in the past, it doesn't make him feel like father is going to viciously remind Zuko that he belongs to him. However, it does send a shiver down his body. Sokka evidently feels it. “I’m so proud of you for trying, fire lily. So proud of you. You’re going to get better. You’re going to be safe. You’re going to be happy. I swear to you.”

The two of them lay together in silence for the better part of half an hour, simply enjoying each other’s company when there is a knock at the door. Zuko flinches a little, sure that it is just Kya, the knock sounds like her’s, but it could still be anyone. 

The door opens and Zuko hides close against Sokka more out of instinct than anything. He sees Kya out of the corner of his eye carrying a tray of food and his body already begins to relax. “Hey sweetie, it’s just me.”

“Hey, mom. What did you bring?”

“I brought my sweet boy noodle soup that I hope he is willing to eat a good amount of.” She looks pointedly at Zuko, having commented on multiple occasions that he is severely underweight and malnourished and needs to be willing to eat more than he is. “And for my precious meathead I brought you roast duck and spiced vegetables.” 

Zuko knows that Kya is just trying to make him feel loved in the way that she knows how and it feels nice. He isn’t sure if she is being genuine about everything she says, but she has always been kind, gentle, and patient with him. If she shows him that even if it isn’t genuine, he’ll take it.

“Thank you, Kya.” Zuko sits up, taking the bowl of soup from her. It smells good and his stomach grumbles. He feels hungry, the food smells appetizing, and he wants to eat. These things very rarely coincide. He’s usually just hungry and the smell of anything makes him feel nauseous and the last thing he wants to do is open his mouth. This is good.

Sokka moves to the foot of the bed so that Zuko can eat without even needing to be asked. One day he might relearn to not fear of being choked while eating if someone is near him, but today is not that day.

Kya hands Sokka his food and sits down in a nearby chair, giving them some space as Zuko raises the bowl to his lips taking a small sip of the broth. It’s perfectly salty and spicy, warming him up a little from the inside making him smile a bit.

“Hey, sweetie. I know that you’ve been having trouble eating, but Azula, myself, and everyone else who has seen you is getting worried about your health. I know you prefer to stick to the broth but please eat some of the solids, as much as you are able to. Don’t force yourself and make yourself sick. Sokka will eat whatever you don’t finish.” Zuko looks over at Sokka who's already a third of a way through his meal. “What? I’m a growing boy.”

“You’re a grown ass man, you just won’t stop eating.” Kya stands up and playfully flicks the side of Sokka’s head. “I feel like I should let you know that everyone is here now. As of tomorrow, you will be safe, sweetie. You will never be threatened again. I promise you.” Kya kisses the top of Zuko’s head. “I need to get back, there’s a lot to prepare for tonight. I love you both. This will all be over soon.” She leaves the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Zuko fishes out a piece of squid from his broth with his chopsticks, taking a small bite of it, smiling a little at the nice, familiar taste. He pops the rest of it into his mouth before taking another sip of the broth. He eats three more pieces of the squid, two mushrooms, a few bites of noodles and drinks almost all of the broth before handing the bowl to Sokka. For the first time since his rescue he had willingly eaten until he became comfortably full.

He looks over at Sokka who is beaming at him with absolute joy. “What?”

“Just…I’m so happy that you’re getting better. You’re getting better, turtleduck, despite everything that is happening right now. You’re the bravest, strongest person I know. You’re going to get through this and you won’t be alone for any of it, I swear.”

Zuko reaches out his hand to Sokka, wanting him to come closer. He isn’t sure why, but the fear he had felt earlier is almost gone. A good meal and a brief conversation with Sokka had made everything seem better. Everything seems manageable.

Sokka moves over to him, still eating the remains of Zuko’s bowl. “I’m so, so proud of you, turtleduck. Not everyone would be able to do what you’re doing. You aren’t staying down. You’re recovering despite everything. You’re going to be safe the day after tomorrow. You’re going to get your life back. You’re going to be safe and happy again.”

Zuko rests his head on Sokka’s warm chest again, listening to his breath, to his heartbeat. Sokka is safe. He makes Zuko feel safe and loved despite everything going on. “I love you so much, Sokka. Me, you, and Suki are going to get our lives back. I-I’ll get better. I want that. You two have done so much for me during this time. I want to be with you.”

“We want you too. We also want you to get better just because you deserve to be healthy and safe.” Sokka puts the bowl down and wraps his arm around Zuko again, going back to his soft, soothing humming. The vibrations from Sokka’s chest calm Zuko, wrapping him in safety.  _ I’m going to be okay. They’re going to protect me. We’re going to be okay.  _

There is loud music and laughter coming from inside of the palace. Toph wants nothing more than to follow the sound of it and strangle every single person making that sound. She wants their laughter to turn into screams before their lips turn blue and nothing passes them ever again. 

She knows that she has to control herself or she will compromise everything. If she sees them lounging around, making jokes about whatever she’ll lose it. They simply don’t care about what was done to Zuko. They saw how scared he was up on that stage and didn’t care. If Ozai had given them the chance, many of them would likely have participated in Zuko’s torture. Maybe some of them would have been hesitant at first, but after seeing others doing it, marking it as something that was okay to do, they would have joined in and regretted nothing. She can avenge Zuko tomorrow. All she has to do is seal up the walls and wait. 

She reaches the ground, thinking how the best way to do this would be. She should start with the main gate or one of the three smaller ones. The main gate would be the most noticeable if it were sealed up, but if she started to seal up one of the smaller ones and someone noticed, more people would get out. 

She weighs her options quickly, deciding that it would be best to start with the minor gates, predominantly meant for escape for the royal family if anything were to happen to them. Azula had made sure to call everyone back from the capital city, they are all in the palace. They know that Azula wants to speak to them tomorrow. That is when she begins her first real steps as Fire Lord. They think it will be with their guidance, however, it will be with their heads to make it absolutely clear to every citizen that following Ozai is unacceptable during her rule.

Toph moves quickly to the gate to the left of the main gate first. “Hello, it’s Toph Beifong. By the direct order of Fire Lord Azula you are to return to the guards quarters immediately. Sleep well, there will be a battle tomorrow here in home base. I will come and inform you when to prepare yourselves tomorrow morning.”

The guards look at her strangely, one opening their mouth but Toph cuts them off. “Don’t go anywhere else besides to the guard’s quarters. Disobey this and you are putting many lives at risk. If I catch you anywhere else, I will personally kill you on sight. If anyone else sees you elsewhere, Azula will have you publicly executed tomorrow. The guards from inside the palace will be sent in as well by someone else. Go now.”

The guards begin to heetantly leave their post until Toph growls at them and gets into a fighting stance. They almost run back to their quarters. Toph smirks a little, satisfied before she begins to close the wall. 

Earthbending is a very versatile bending style and Toph would never be able to fight or function like she does without it. Her only complaint about it is that it is far from quiet. There is nothing that can be done about that, unfortunately. Hopefully the music and laughter inside is loud enough to drown out the sound of Toph trapping these monsters in a place they had longed to be in their whole lives. 

They can claw at the walls and the doors, trying to get out as their numbers are thinned through merciless execution. It’s exactly what they deserve. She does the same to the other two smaller doorways, removing the guards and sealing the walls to solid stone. 

She finally moves to the main gate, considering how she should go about this after she had removed the guards. She doesn’t want a single member of the New Ozai society to notice that the doors are sealed. That would make it much harder to corral them into a death trap. They would know that this was going to end badly and might scatter and they would have to hunt them all down, making it more dangerous. 

She inspects the door a little closer and smiles when she realizes that it is made of metal. It may be easier to hide the fact that it had been tampered with. She quickly burrows under the gate, popping up smoothly on the other side. She begins to meld the side facing away from the palace together so that the doors wouldn’t open. She makes it so it would look like it had never been touched but would fail to let a single person out. 

Toph smiles to herself, satisfied with her work and burrows back under, smoothing out the tunnel so that too would appear untampered with. She sprints as quietly as she can back to the palace, skillfully making her way through the halls until she gets to the hallway that she and the others are hiding in. Despite her lack of spirituality, she makes a quiet prayer to any spirit who may be listening before slipping back into the rooms they are hiding in, sealing the wall closed behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting very close to the climax of our story. Super close. Please let me know what you think of this and if there is anything that you want from this at all.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me awhile to figure out how I wanted to do this part of it and I think I like this. I will be doing other perspective in hindsight, I just felt like it would be far too overwhelming of a chapter to jam everything going on into one chapter and I wanted to do the perspectives right

Zuko can’t stop shaking or whimpering nonsensical pleas. He can’t go through with this, he can’t let Sokka leave, he can’t let them fight the men. They’ll get hurt. They might die. “Hey, nephew, it’s alright. He’ll be back and you’ll be safe.” Zuko just shakes his head, clutching tighter to Sokka’s clothes. Iroh rubs Zuko’s back, trying to get him to let go of Sokka. 

“Turtleduck, I need to go get into position, I’ll be back for you, my love. I won’t ever leave you. I’ll come back to you and you’ll be safe again. I need to go, please let go.” Sokka cups Zuko’s face in both of his hands, kissing him tenderly. Everyone else had already left and was in position, it is now just Sokka and Iroh with him. 

“Nephew, I’m sorry, but he has to go. I’m so sorry, but he’ll be back.” Zuko feels Iroh force his hands off of Sokka and he feels the warmth of the body that had spent the last several days here with him, protecting him, disappear from his weak grasp. Zuko can’t help but to completely break down, crying so hard he can barely make a sound, can barely breath. He feels like his world has collapsed in on him, like he has nothing to hold onto.

“I love you, turtleduck.” He hears Sokka say in his familiar, calming voice, hanging onto every syllable of it, terrified it would be the last time he ever hears the man he loves speak to him. “Nephew, please calm down. Please breath. He’s going to come back, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be safe, I swear to you. You just need to breathe, nephew. You need to breathe.” Zuko clutches almost blindly at Iroh, pressing his face into the crook of Iroh’s neck, feeling like his body is going to come apart if uncle lets go of him. He's shaking so hard with fear and wracking sobs. He can barely feel anything but the suffocating fear filling every part of him.

“It’s going to be over soon. You’re going to be safe. You’re going to be okay. No one will ever hurt you again. You’re going to get to recover now in peace. You’re to be okay. It’s alright, nephew. It’s all going to be okay.” Zuko wants to believe him as he feels his body rocked gently in Iroh’s arms, not daring to open his eyes even for a moment. He needs to be able to feel safe in Iroh’s arms, and believe that he can protect him from anyone who may get in through the door. Protect him from anyone that is coming to harm him. 

It’s become so hard to breath that he feels like he is being drowned in fire, his body begging him for air but his overwhelming fear is denying it. He clutches tighter to Iroh, writhing in pain, trying to find any position that will allow him to force air into his body. He removes his hand from uncle, clawing at his throat and chest, trying to get anything in with any method.

He hears uncle say something but can’t hear what he is trying to say and then feels a flask being pushed into his his hand, uncle saying something to him again, helping Zuko lift his head up with one hand and rubbing his back to sooth him with the other. Zuko momentarily has a flash of panic that uncle would choke him with whatever was in the bottle, but it’s not like he could do any more damage than was already being done by his own fear. 

Zuko presses the flask to his lips with trembling hands, a large amount spilling down his shirt, some of it choking him a little, but it helps calm him for a moment. He is unable to cry and drink water at the same time and his body forces him to drink the water out of instinct. Air fills his lungs as he abandons the flask, vaguely seeing uncle taking it. He rests his head back on uncle’s chest, coughing and whimpering in between gasping breaths. “There you go, nephew, there you go. You’re alright.” 

“U-uncle, can y-you la-lay down? Wa-want t-to l-lay down, do-don’t wanna let g-go.” Zuko chokes out after several long minutes of calming himself down. Iroh doesn't say anything but he slowly leans back, helping Zuko lower his body so his head is resting on Iroh’s chest. Zuko feels one of Iroh’s hands cup the back of his head, gently tangling his fingers in his hair. His other arm is wrapped securely around Zuko’s waist, holding him close, keeping him safe. Zuko closes his eyes, letting out a small whimper of fear, trying to calm himself in his moments of terror. 

That’s when Zuko hears the screams in the palace, and Zuko can only scream in absolute terror. “Th-they’re in th-the palace! Th-they’re in the fu-fucking palace! They’re fighting in th-the palace!” He shrieks, sitting up, clawing at his own face, arms and chest, tearing at his own hair, screaming. He can feel his entire body burning, he can feel all of his weight being held up by metal cuffs of his wrist, destroying his arms. He can feel the whip lashing at his weak, trembling body, some of the worst pain he had ever experienced in his life. He can smell his own body burning, unable to do anything to control his own element, sooth the burns, or protect his body from more. He can hear the laughter and mocking voices surrounding him, breaking his soul in a way that it may never recover from. They’re going to take him back. Zuko can’t stop screaming.

“Nephew, nephew it’s alright. We knew some of them were going to get out of the walls Toph created around them. They’re being hunted down right now by half while the others are taking care of those trapped in the walls. It’s okay.” Uncles tries to sooth him in his calm voice. “Th-they’re so many of them! I-I can hear so many of them! Mo-most of them a-are in h-here , it's not working!” There has to be at least 20 of them in the palace…but it sounds like more, a lot more. Closer to maybe 50 or 60, but there aren’t even that many members. Azula and uncle said there were about 35.

Zuko feels his blood go cold, fear clouding his vision, breath clawing its way through Zuko’s lungs and throat, unsure how he isn’t choking up blood. “Ho-how ma-many a-are there, uncle?”

“Nephew, it’s alright, w-”

“H-how ma-many fucking a-are there?! Don’t fucking l-lie to me!” Zuko screams, anger filling him as well. He almost immediately feels better, feels safer. There isn’t as much room for unadulterated terror anymore, so much is taken up by red hot anger. It’s protecting him, fueling him. It’s something he had relied on for so long and foolishly let go. He feels stronger, braver, smarter. “Fucking answer me!” he screams, punching Iroh’s chest multiple times.

“There are 163 of them. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We didn’t want to scare you. W-”

“You fucking lied to me! I fucking trusted you and you fucking kept it from me! Are you lying about fucking killing me of they get too close as well?! Are you just going to fucking let them take me and do whatever they want to me?! Do you even care?! I fucking hate you! You’re trying to fucking control me! What about me makes it okay for people to control and make me their fucking property?! Fucking tell me and I'll change it! I don't want to be fucking owned anymore!” Zuko continues to scream, fists and nails flying wildly at Iroh who had done nothing but love and protect him for so long. The man who had always been kinder to him than his own father, who had seen good in him when no one else had is barely protecting his face, not even trying to fight back. Zuko doesn't care right now.

Part of him knows that Iroh hadn’t even been with him after they knew how many members of the New Ozai society there were, but every other emotion he is feeling is just being replaced with fury. It’s burning into his soul, clouding his thoughts, tinting his vision red. He’s just so angry right now. All he can feel is that he isn’t valued as a person. That he needs to be kept under wraps, controlled, contained so that someone can claim him, can own him as if he isn’t a person. As if he doesn’t feel anything or have his own will. As if he has no intrinsic worth as a human being.

He feels Iroh grab his wrists, pushing him back away from his face which is now covered in scratches along with many parts of his neck, it will likely bruise as well. Zuko doesn’t care. “Let go of me, Iroh!” He screams, barely registering this is the first time he has called uncle by his name in an informal situation. “Nephew, calm down, please, I-”

“I have a fucking name old man! Use it! I’m not your fucking property! You don’t fucking own me! Let go!” He then tastes blood, not even registering his decision to bite down on Iroh’s hand, but the realization makes him bite down harder. “Zuko! Stop it!” Iroh roughly pulls his hand away and Zuko spits the blood in his mouth at him. 

“Nep– Zuko, you need to calm down. You working yourself up like this won’t help you. We didn’t tell you because it would cause you additional, uncessessary pain and fear. I will always protect you. If they get in that door, which they won't, I will snap your neck. Toph has covered it in Iron so it can’t be burned down and it’s locked. They can’t get in. The others are out there protecting you right now. I will protect you from here. I swear to you, Zuko, It wasn’t to hurt you, or manipulate you. Do you understand?”

Zuko swallows thickly, nodding. As soon as he stopped screaming and swinging his fists at uncle, his anger began to subside, being replaced with guilt and despair. He did it again, hiding his fear with anger and he hurt the person who stood by him for years. Zuko had let anger consume him again and Iroh had paid the consequences. Zuko feels tears welling in his eyes and spilling down his cheeks, clutching his head in his hands. “I-I’m sssorry u-uncle. I’m sso s-s-ssorry.” 

He feels Iroh’s hands gently touch his shoulder, an arm wrapping around his waist, pulling him close against him. “It’s okay, nephew. It’s okay. You’re just scared. You need to work on controlling your emotions but it’s a very hard day for you and you were just scared. I’m not angry at you.” Zuko feels Iroh’s hands gently running over his arms, his back, through his hair, comforting him.

“Uncle?” Zuko whimpers, looking up at Iroh, blinking away tears. “Yes, nephew?”

“Ca-can y-you name me? I-I wa-want i-it ba-back. I-I don’t wa-want to be-belong t-to father a-anymore o-or anyone e-else ever again.” Iroh kisses Zuko’s temple, letting out a small sob. “You never belonged to your father, Zuko. You’re your own person. You deserve to be loved and cared for. You’re going to get better, you’re going to feel safe again. I promise you that.”

Zuko lets out a small, wordless whimper, nuzzling his head into the crook of uncle’s neck. “I-I’m sorry, uncle. I  _ will  _ g-get better. I’ll stop hurting people. I’ll stop hurting you.” It’s easier for Zuko to relax as the screaming and yelling subsides. His friends are hunting down the men. They’re protecting him. They’re doing what they promised. Father can’t touch anyone anymore. Not through the men, not through Azula, not through Zuko. Father is dead to the world, his power turned to dust and blown away in the wind into oblivion. 

Zuko stays in Iroh’s arms for a long time, wincing at every sound, clutching Iroh’s tightly in his weak arms, occasionally whimpering in fear, trying to control his breathing. He hears a door being unlocked as if it is with shaky hands and Zuko’s whole body tenses, clutching onto Iroh tighter, yelping a little. “It’s Azula, don’t attack.” Azula’s voice comes from the other side of the door, but she sounds…off. Very off.

The door swings open and Zuko yelps again, hiding in Iroh's chest. He glances at Azula’s figure walking into the door. She doesn’t look good. She doesn’t look good at all. That doesn’t bode well with Zuko’s mental state at all. He lets out a small whimper. 

Her clothes are torn, bloody, and burned, showing some exposed skin that has been given the same, cruel treatment. Her hair is loose, hanging down around her, unsuitable for battle, and the left side appears to have been charred. Zuko winces at his own memories of that. Her face is covered in bruises, right eye swollen shut, bottom lip split and bleeding. Her entire body has a slight tremble to it and when she walks, there is a slight limp to her left leg. Her expression gives very little away, but from her body, it isn’t good.

“We won.” She finally says dryly. “You’re safe, brother. Everyone is alive who was with us. They killed no one, not even the guards. But it’s bad. It’s really bad. There are many injured, badly injured. We can only hope they’ll make it.” She takes a step towards them and then collapses to the ground.

“Azula!” Zuko cries, pulling away from uncle, trying to clamor off the bed towards despite his current state until uncle stops him. “Zuko, you injuring yourself will do nothing to help your sister and only create more work for the healers. Take a deep breath. She’s going to be okay. We’re going to get her to the hospital wing.” He watches Iroh look at both Azula and Zuko, realizing that neither of them can walk and he likely can’t carry both of them without injuring someone. 

Zuko swallows, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at uncle. “P-put me in m-my wheelchair, I can try to get to the hospital w-wing. I should try anyways, at least. Y-you carry Azula…sh-she needs help now. Please, uncle.” Zuko looks up at uncle pleadingly. The man nods, gently lifting Zuko’s fragile, shaking body from the bed and resting him in the wheelchair. “I’ll see you soon, Zuko. You’re sister and everyone else are going to be okay.” Zuko nods, not allowing himself to break down again as uncle carefully picks up Azula’s damaged, unconscious body, holding her close. He soon walks out of the room, leaving Zuko alone for the first time in over a month. He doesn’t like it.

Zuko grips onto the wheelchair, pushing the wheels to make it move forward, struggling greatly with that. His arms are still incredibly weak from two months of barely using them except for holding containers of food and holding onto people. His back and shoulders still hurt a lot, especially when he pushes in the wrong way (which is most ways), pain shoots down his back and arms and up his neck. 

Katara had been trying to heal him for a while and had been successful in most endeavors. She had healed the skin completely chaffed off around his wrists and ankles and had minimized the scarring from them. Some areas had already partially healed or gotten infected from the time he spent down in that basement and she couldn’t get rid of the scarring there, but they aren’t as bad as they could have been. 

She had healed the damage done to his mouth from the horrible muzzle that was forced into his mouth. He still hated the feeling of his mouth becoming dry, holding his mouth open for a long period of time, or putting anything hard and cold into his mouth. He’s glad that all of the food he has been served is soft and warm, all mostly liquid. 

She had healed the whip marks covering his back and meandering over his chest, arms and legs. Only a few of those left any scarring thanks to Katara’s help. He wouldn’t have too many physical reminders of that horrible punishment. He can still feel his body pulled too tight so that it felt like he would come apart with the strain. So tight he could barely breathe. He could feel the whip cruelly marking his body mercilessly. Those scars may even fade with time if he was lucky.

She had healed the cuts made with the knives. Almost all of those would be leaving scars. Katara hadn’t gotten to him in time to erase those. For the most part, the men had gotten bored with cutting him, maybe it was just such a common method of torture and they wanted to be innovative in their methods of making Zuko’s life unbearable. Most of those cuts were long healed or infected by the the time Katara got to him, all she could do for those and clean and cure the infections. She couldn’t stop the physical reminders of what had been done to him.

She had healed the burns covering almost his entire body. She had sealed the blistered skin of the men marking their territory on every part of Zuko’s exposed skin. Burning him so often and so horribly that he still feared his own element. Most of the burns that were just made with hands were first degree and were simply very painful and filled Zuko with horror. They wouldn’t have scarred anyway. Where the men had tied cloth to his body and set them alight, that is where there is some scarring from earlier in his captivity. She had healed all of the burns on his body, pouring her time and energy into him. She could never erase the fear the burns made. No one could. Not even Iyasu.

When it came to chronic pain, that is where Katara hadn’t been able to help him as much. Zuko had been forced to stand for almost four months, continuously. It had damaged his legs and especially his spinal cord and paraspinal nervous system and deep tissue. When he became too exhausted to stand anymore, he hung from his wrists, usually falling in that position. It put a lot of strain on his joints and his shoulders, severely damaging the deep muscle tissue in his upper back. 

Katara had to learn how to treat chronic pain and then pair it with her waterbending methods. Zuko was also very reluctant to let her help him with that. It always meant that he had to take off his shirt, he didn’t like doing that with anyone anymore. It was scary as she pressed her hands down hard on his back, working her hands to help him. It also physically hurt a lot and he wasn’t always in a mental state where that wouldn’t send him over the edge. 

Katara had limited amounts of time she had worked on healing Zuko’s chronic pain and on top of that, they had waited about three weeks before even beginning after going from standing constantly to being bedridden. It damaged his muscles even more. 

He is now trying to maneuver a wheelchair for the first time without someone else pushing him with pain shooting down his back and arms incredibly weak. It isn’t at all easy. He needs to get to the hospital wing. He needs to see Azula. He needs her to be okay. He needs everyone to be okay. No one he loves can die protecting him. It isn’t worth it. He isn’t worth it.

Within a few minutes of moving down the hall, he is completely exhausted, trying to catch his breath from the exertion. He hasn’t done much of anything physically in so long and had lost all of his muscle mass. He feels hot tears of frustration rolling down his cheek, he angrily wipes at them, just wanting to get to the hospital wing.

He knows that injuries like his take time to heal, that he need to work up his upper body strength a lot to properly function in a wheelchair and get around fine. He vaguely remembers a boy at the air temple ruins…Teo? Was that his name? Zuko can’t remember much about him other than he was in a wheelchair, got around really well and had incredibly upper body strength. He searches his mind for anything else about him. Flying and high level inventions come to his mind, but he can’t remember much of that either.

Zuko lets out a loud cry of frustration with himself for still being injured. He can’t remember so much of his life, he can’t remember how to bend, and even if he could it would terrify him, and he couldn’t walk. He knows that he will get better or learn to work around his disabilities. He knows that there are a lot of people in the world who have been born or have been injured so they can’t do certain things and learn how to work around them, still contributing just as much as anyone else to society If not more. Toph is a glowing example of that. 

Just because Zuko knows he isn’t the first person to struggle with recovery from severe physical and mental damage that may make it so he may never be the same again and will certainly not be the last doesn’t mean he isn’t any less frustrated with himself for not just magically recovering. He punches his leg, crying out again, as if that would fix this. As if that would heal his body that had been torn apart and been slowly put back together despite not every piece fitting anymore. 

“My lord?” Zuko hears someone say behind him, Zuko yelps, looking around. He sees a guard approaching him slowly. “Hey, it’s alright, Iroh sent me to come get you. Thought you might need some help getting to the hospital wing. May I push you?” Zuko bites his lip, looking at her for a little before nodding, hugging himself, trembling. 

“D-did anyone die? L-like anyone w-with us? Guards included i-in that?” Zuko asks after a few minutes. The woman shakes her head. “No, however, some people are in critical condition right now, there are also just some bad injuries all around. Hopefully there will be enough medical aid to go around.”

“I-I’m sorry, miss. I’m so sorry for causing this.”

“Hey, it isn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be abducted or hurt. You didn’t ask the New Ozai society to come back and threaten you. We all know you didn’t want this. Please don’t apologize. No one blames you.”

_ I blame myself. Father would blame me. Others should blame me too. Should have been stronger. Shouldn’t have been so weak.  _ Zuko doesn’t say that. He doesn’t say anything. 

Soon they reach the hospital, the guard rolls Zuko down the hallway lined with doors all propped open. Every single bed has someone on it. So many people are in here. So many people have been injured because of this.

_ You did this.  _ Fathers voice says in his head.  _ You did this. Your weakness caused this. If anyone dies, it’s your fault. However people suffer, that’s your fault too. Never forget that  _ you  _ did this.  _ Zuko doesn’t argue. Father is always right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, please let me know what you think of this boi. It releases a small amount of seretonine in my brain when I see people have commented.


	46. Chapter 46

Katara is furious, scared, confused, in pain, and absolutely exhausted. The plan had been successful as for now, her opinion on that may change if anyone dies who wasn’t supposed to due to complications. That is likely, especially for 19 of the guards, Azula, and Suki. The healers told Katara that she is lucky that she got away from this with multiple scrapes and bruises and a burned arm and foot. She doesn’t feel lucky. She feels guilty. 

Katara had tried to assist in healing the more injured, especially considering she is the most skilled healer here. She saw Iroh carrying Azula into the hospital. She is unconscious and looks bad. Really bad. She had rushed over as best she could on her injured foot, insisting she would tend to Azula’s injuries. The two had become pretty close over the last two months being each other’s support as the outlets of a lot of Zuko’s pain and fear. 

However, when she had begun trying to help Azula, Iroh had brought her back to the hospital bed and shackled her in by her non-injured foot. He had insisted that Katara needed to heal herself first as delaying her help for the first day and having her at full capacity the rest of the time is better than having her at half capacity immediately.

The logical part of her brain knows that he’s right. She knows that Iroh is just trying to help her calm down and think so she can do the most good for the people around her. However, she is just angry. Angry at Ozai, at Zuko, at herself, at everyone. She doesn’t even bother to figure out why. She’s just angry. She figures if for now as long as she heals herself and then does her best to heal the others, she can be as angry as she wants. She can figure out the reason behind it another time.

She is now sitting on the hospital bed, diligently healing herself. The Fire Nation healers are with the others. All of the others who had been injured in this battle. They are trying everything that they know how to do to heal the injuries. The the people Katara is supposed to be helping. The people she had sworn to protect.

The blistered skin on her arm and foot has already been reduced to red, sensitive skin on those same areas. She has to get these healed soo. She has to get to the others. She can’t let them suffer. It had been bad. The battle had worked, but had not gone as smoothly as they had hoped.

Toph and Aang had built the walls around the New Ozai society members. She remembers their yells of anger and confusion. She had expected that. What she hadn’t expected was from them to clamor out of the walls so quickly, climbing on top of each other, using any means to get over it before it reached full height. She had expected them to make a run for the open sides before Aang and Toph had a chance to seal it, and they had in an overwhelming swarm. The biggest surprise is that some of them abruptly recognized that Azula had orchestrated this and had immediately turned on her. They had thrown fire, stone, anything heavy or dangerous at her. Many of the blows had hit her before she could do anything to protect herself. Azula had been injured before the battle even truly began. 

She remembers seeing the look in their eyes. It wasn’t fear or desperation. It was an animalistic thirst for blood that allowed for life. These are the kind of people that Zuko had been trapped with for months. People that lived from others pain and fear. People who had no mercy. She didn’t understand how Zuko is still so willing to recover. She had never had to face these people in a time of do or die as she had been then. If she, or anyone who wasn’t Zuko for that matter, had been tortured by them for four months, there would be nothing left of them to heal. It’s so easy to forget how strong Zuko is because she mostly saw what had been left of him after being hurt. She rarely saw the force that had hurt him in the same way Zuko did. In the way he felt it.

After that it had been nothing but chaos. All she had been doing was fighting anyone not in uniform as a guard or someone she recognized. All she needed to do was kill. Kill every one of these people who made a threat on Zuko’s safety after he had been shattered. These people who stood behind a man who wanted nothing more than to bring destruction and fear to the world. A man who wanted the world at his feet and at his mercy.

She had gone into a trance. She had barely felt the burns against her skin, she only smelled her flesh cooking on her, only heard the sound of skin blistering and bubbling. All she felt was a righteous anger designed to help the people who needed to be protected. To protect her family, her friends, and the world from these people. All that anger was channeled into smooth, skillful movements. The water she controlled extinguished the flame in the eyes of the enemy. Ending their lives without feeling a hint of remorse. Feeling as if she was cleaning the world of an infection opposed to ending human life after human life. She may feel that later, but for now, she doesn’t.

All she could feel is that these people made her do this to them. She was doing this to protect more people from being hurt. Protecting the world from another war being cast down upon it. She was doing this to protect Zuko, the man who was supposed to become a part of her family. His and Sokka’s wedding date was going to be relatively soon…with everything going on, she, and likely Sokka as well, had completely forgotten about that seeing as Zuko likely didn’t want to get married anymore in this state. Also, they might not get married at all considering Zuko is no longer the Fire Lord and won’t be expected to marry. Zuko, Sokka, and Suki would probably just keep their relationship how it is.

_ If Suki survives.  _ The thought pushes its way into her head, sending a shutter through her. “Suki  _ will  _ survive. She’s strong. She’s a warrior.” Katara says to herself, gritting her teeth and fighting through fatigue, healing herself. Everyone  _ has _ to survive. Anything else isn’t an option.

  
  


Sokka doesn’t look good, but he isn’t at high risk at not surviving this. He has that going for him at least. He has a bad burn on his chest and arms, a fracture in his arm, and has a mild concussion. He will likely develop a mild fever from the burn if any infection follows, but as long as they keep him hydrated he’ll pull through. 

Kya is trying to cool the irritated skin from the horrible burn, knowing that she can’t wrap it at all until it cools down fully, it will trap the heat, worsening the infection. She has kept changing cool, clean, damp cloths pressed against her son’s burned body. He had been in a panic at first, demanding that he be allowed to see Zuko and the other healers had drugged him, knocking him out. Zuko is likely traumatized right now but physically fine. Zuko shouldn’t see the injuries on Sokka’s body, he’ll only blame himself.

Everyone who is injured has been brought into the infirmary, all of the healers are tending to their wounds. Everyone who is uninjured and not a healer is moving the bodies of the new Ozai Society so they are lined up near the front gate. Over the next few days, family and friends of the members here would be allowed to come and claim the body. They would be able to give them a proper funeral. After the alloted time is up, the rest of the bodies would simply be burned in a mass cremation. It would simply be for utility, not memorial. 

Kya isn’t sure what they are going to do with all of the injured people here, only so many healers in the palace, and only one waterbender. On top of that, Iroh will likely need to temporarily reclaim the throne if Azula remains unconscious which is likely. 

“How is he, Kya?” She turns around seeing Hakoda standing in the doorway, looking at his burned son with despair. “He’ll be fine. We just need to cool his burns before treating it. His arm will need a cast and he’ll need to keep hydrated. He has a mild concussion but he just needs to rest and be kept away from bright lights. He’ll be okay.”

Hakoda sits on the bed, gently carding his fingers through Sokka’s hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You’re gonna be okay, son.” She sees a tear roll down Hakoda’s cheek and rests her hand on his shoulder. “Sokka is too stubborn to die. I can assure you that he’ll be fine. He’ll live.” Hakoda nods once, giving her a small smile.

“I know it’s been awhile since you’ve been home, but I think we have reason to go to the second best place, the North Pole. My mom should still be there as well and I’m sure you would like to see her again.”

Kya raises her eyebrows. “Why would we go to the North Pole? I’m not objecting to going somewhere that reminds me of home but this just doesn’t seem like the time to go.”

“Well, only the Southern Water Tribe waterbenders were taken, the Northern Water Tribe is still intact. They have healers, it’s where Katara learned that skill and found a master there to teach her. Also, turns out my mother is from the North Pole and left because she was in an arranged marriage she didn’t want, he was actually Katara’s master. His name is Pakku, I guess he’s a different person now or something because now Pakku and my mom are married. We could beg for their help, offer to pay them with whatever they wanted. I know I’m not the Fire Lord but I’m sure Azula or whoever will be in charge will agree.”

Kya clutches his arm, looking at him intently. “We have to act fast. A lot of people need help now. We have to get them to agree to help us. We’ll have to be ready to do whatever they demand for their help. I’m sure they and the Fire Nation have a bad history as well.”

Hakoda and Kya sit on the bed holding each other and watching their wounded son. Each breath caused his chest to rise and fall. Each breath pulling at the burned skin. They had to do anything they could to save their family. Everyone had to be okay. 

  
  


Azula is still unconscious and looks bad. Zuko is holding her bandaged hand, crying as they had worked on the rest of her body. Most of her is now wrapped in bandages, covering burns and gashes. “I-I’m sorry, Azula. I’m so sorry.” She has to be okay. This can’t be what kills her. She still has so much left to do. So much of her life had been taken from her because of father. The first part of her life she was a soldier, the second a patient at a hospital. She should be able to not only rule as Fire Lord but make friends, go see places around the world just to see them, try delicious new foods, and maybe find a significant other as Azula.

She deserves so much better than this. This can’t be how it ends for her. Azula wouldn’t let that happen. “She’s going to be okay, Zuko. She was running on adrenaline when she came to see us and crashed. She just needs rest. She’ll pull through this.” Zuko just shakes his head, whimpering a little.

“Wh-where are the others? Who e-else is hurt? Are Sokka and Suki okay? How bad is it?” Zuko cries, terrified to know the answer to that. “I’m not sure, nephew. You’ll have to ask a healer or look for them yourself as the healers are really busy right now. Would you like that?”

Zuko shugs, gripping Azula’s hand a little tighter, wishing he could be closer to her. Wishing that he could have protected her like she had done for him these past two months. She is his little sister, he is supposed to protect her from danger. Yet here she is, lying unconscious from injuries she had gained fighting to protect Zuko. “Would you like me to help you onto the bed?” Uncle asks as if reading his mind. Zuko lets out a small whimper, nodding. 

Iroh gently wraps his arms around Zuko, seeming to understand that he doesn’t want to let go of Azula’s hand right now. Zuko caused these injuries. If Azula dies, it’s because of him. She’s the one who had put herself in so much danger to protect him from the New Ozai society and from any other threat. Zuko is the one who offered her the Fire Lord position that she may have felt obligated to take. She may not be like this is Zuko ever learned to keep his stupid mouth shut. Maybe that was the real point of the muzzle, father teaching Zuko silence. A lesson he clearly hadn’t learned.

Zuko lays down on his side, wrapping his right arm gently around Azula. He isn’t strong enough to move her so he can fully embrace her and he doesn’t want to risk hurting her while doing so. He can’t cause Azula anymore pain than he already has. 

“Nephew, I’m going to go extend my services wherever they may be needed. I love you, Zuko. I’ll be back, is that okay with you?” Zuko nods mutley, shifting into a more comfortable position, refusing to let go of Azula even for a moment. She had been through so much and had been so kind to him the past two months. She and everyone else had put their needs aside to do what they could to help him. This is the thanks that they got. “I-I’m sorry, Azula. I love you. I-I don’t remember everything about our relationship before but I know that it wasn’t good. I-I don’t care what happened, I just want to build a relationship with you now. I’m so sorry I got you hurt. Thank you for doing so much to take care of me. I love you so much.”

Zuko can’t remember if he had been particularly spiritual before. He had spent a lot of time around Aang who was raised as an air nomad who were very spiritual people. Maybe some of that had rubbed off on Zuko? He isn’t fully sure and he doesn’t really care. Spirits could affect the human bodies here in this world so maybe they could heal. 

Zuko wraps his arms around Azula as tight as he dares, praying to Agni, the only spirit name he can remember right now, the one his bending was once connected to. The one he as a person is supposed to be connected to as he was born a firebender. He prays silently for Azula’s recovery, willing to do anything that may insure hers and the others survival. They couldn’t suffer for him. They  _ definitely  _ couldn’t die for him.

Zuko stays like that, holding his little sister, the one he was supposed to protect despite her strength gently in his arms. Whispering near silent prayers to anyone or anything that may be listening to him. Whatever could ensure the survival of the people who had protected him when he needed them most. The people who had put so much on the line to make sure that Zuko would get to live and recover yet be safe. It would have been a mercy to not go through the trouble and simply give him a quick death but they had done so much to ensure his survival. He will be indebted to them for the rest of his life. He would do whatever it takes to make sure their sacrifices are worth it.

After about an hour he hears a quiet knock on the door frame. Zuko looks up, blinking a few times and sees Kya, Hakoda, and Iroh, Kya standing in front. “Hey, sweetie. We have an idea about how we can help the more injured people and just want to talk to you about it. Can we come in? And would it be alright for Hakoda to come in as well? I promise that he would never do anything to hurt you or your sister. Also, he’s a non-bender and Iroh could take him if he tried anything.”

Zuko bites his lower lip for a moment, considering the options. Sokka had said he and his father were a lot alike and Sokka is kind and gentle. All of the memories Zuko has of Hakoda, where blurry, he has never once raised a hand to Zuko or anyone else who wasn’t a direct threat to his safety. Sokka said Zuko and Hakoda had been very close, that he had been the loving father that Zuko didn’t have. Everyone had told him that Hakoda is safe, that he won’t hurt him. He has never once tried to seek out Zuko when he has been vulnerable despite the numerous opportunities he has likely had. Hakoda had fought to protect Zuko, had injured and endangered himself for Zuko’s sake. Hakoda wouldn’t hurt him, he is a kind man. He isn’t like other men…no, not all other men are like  _ those  _ men. There are many kind, gentle, loving men in the world, Zuko had just met a lot of the cruel ones.

Zuko nods, sitting up slowly, scanning over the group as they walk in, Hakoda walking behind Kya and Iroh, approaching the bed slowly. Zuko lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  _ He’s giving you time to tell him you changed your mind. He really is safe.  _

The three of them stand around the bed, Kya looking at Azula seeming deeply concerned and distraught. Hakoda is the one who begins to speak. “I don’t know how much you remember about the Water Tribes, but Katara is the only waterbender in the South Pole.” Zuko did not know that, however it seems vaguely familiar. It’s something he once knew well.

“There are, however, plenty of waterbenders at the Northern Water Tribe and there are a lot of teachings in the art of healing there. I think that our best bet is to bring the most injured people with a group on an airship and beg for their help, offering just about whatever payment they would like. We were thinking that Aang, Kya, Bato, and Kiya would accompany the injured. The injured going would be Sokka, Azula, and Suki along with 19 of the guards. It is unlikely that any would be willing to come back to the Fire Nation. The war is over but there are still a lot of reservations and strong feelings on all ends. I know that you aren’t the Fire Lord right now and Iroh will likely take over while Azula is recovering, but we wanted to clear it with you as well.”

Hakoda is giving him a soft, mildly sad look. It isn’t demanding or anything else. He is simply bringing Zuko into the conversation, making him feel heard, his opinion and voice respected. 

Zuko nods, biting his lip. “I think that’s a good idea…can’t let anything happen to them. We need help. I don’t care what the Northern Water Tribe wants in return for their service, it’s a smaller price to pay than with the lives of people we love.” Zuko says softly, holding Azula’s limp hand in his. “I’m glad you agree, son.” Hakoda is giving him a warm smile but he still looks a little sad. Likely because his son is injured, he’s upset because he’s a kind, loving father who doesn't want his children hurt.

Zuko tentatively reaches a hand towards Hakoda. He isn’t sure why, Zuko just wants to touch him, to convince himself that it wouldn’t hurt. Hakoda extends his hand a little towards Zuko, allowing Zuko to lightly hold his hand without getting too close to him. “Thank you, Hakoda for everything.” Zuko whispers before pulling his trembling hand back, wrapping his arm around his stomach, looking back down at Azula. She looks peaceful, it would be nicer if she were simply asleep and not unconscious. 

“They’re going to be alright, son. So are you. Things are going to begin to be okay again. They just need to heal. There are no more threats coming for you. You're safe.” As Zuko feels Hakoda’s voice wash over him, he feels a little calmer, a little safer, like his words hold truth. The memories of the man become a little clearer, more detailed, more personal. He feels like a small but vital part of who he is is beginning to return. He can feel like he is beginning to return to the person that he used to be, the person that these people loved. He had to become that person again, for them, for himself. All Zuko had to do was get through the next few weeks of the others' healing. Then things may begin to get good again. He can only hope.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally have some Zuko and Hakoda interaction involving Zuko beginning to relearn that the people who hurt him are outliers.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got my cartilage pierced back in June for my 21st birthday bc I guess i like having holes stabbed in my ear, idk it's not that deep. I was supposed to make a follow up appointment to get them changed a month after I got them pierced. I'm finally doing that tomorrow. In January. 
> 
> I also put this chapter into one of those online paper graders because I wanted to, no idea why. This chapter is graded at a 72% as an essay. Do with that information what you will.

By the end of the day, an airship had been packed with anything that they might need along with the 22 patients being brought to the North Pole. The airship is full of goods and money, unsure which would be preferred. They couldn’t risk being turned away for the favor of the other. There is already a chance that the Northern Water Tribe healers would refuse to help them. Especially considering one of the people they would need to help is Fire Lord Azula. They may have caught wind of Azula’s coronation and reasonably assumed the worst. They may be unwilling to heal her or any of them due to association to the Fire Nation. They may think that Azula would want to bring the Fire Nation into another war. In their defense, she had said she was willing to at her coronation. They didn’t understand what she had been dealing with at the time. That it was a ploy to kill the most radical people who did want to start a war. That it was to make a very clear statement to anyone supporting Ozai would be met with no tolerance and less mercy. That Azula had needed to protect Zuko from more harm.

The airship is filled with things that would be rare and expensive to get in the poles. There are an assortment of dried fruits, many of which Kya had never had until she was brought to the Fire Nation. Some of it, she and the boys grew at the prison or found in the woods. Occasionally, on a long hunting trip they would stumble upon an orchard and fill their bags with sweet fruits that Kya had never even heard of. They would space out their harvesting so it didn’t look like anything had been taken. When they got back to the prison or just to where they would make camp for the night (mostly depending on if they started drinking), she and the boys would gorge themselves on fruit. They would tell her how to eat it and tell her what they knew about the fruit. It became a common joke when they ate far too many mangos or pears that it would be nice if she actually was a real waterbender. Their hands and clothes always got soaked and sticky from the delicious juices.

The airship has plenty of spices packed into it as well. Kya knew that Fire Nation food was particularly spicey before she was taken, but didn’t know that in different amounts it could simply just add a little bit of flavor. It also didn’t necessarily need to be truly spicy to give the food a little personality. The different style of cooking took her a little bit to get used to, but once she did most of her cooking became a mix between Fire Nation and Water Tribe. She greatly preferred it to either cuisine. She still misses Water Tribe cooking, but more because of nostalgia than preference. Hopefully the Northern Water Tribe can discover the love of spicing. 

There are cooking oils, wines, and sealing wax. Fabric that can be used to make into clothing. They have a variety of dried tea leaves as there are really not many plants up there and they are few and far between. There definitely isn’t anything that could be brewed into tea. Or well, good tea, if it’s just the perspective of hot leaf juice then…seaweed tea? Not important. Or maybe seaweed tea would be good, she would have to see for herself when she got up there. This would have to be enough to beg them for their help. They had to save the people who had fought against Ozai even after his death. The people who had fought so hard to protect each other and the world. The healers  _ had _ to help.

When the airship is fully packed, two airship captains board along with Bato, Kya, Aang, and Kiya. Hakoda stayed behind, now wanting to leave Katara with none of her parents during this no matter how much he wanted to see his mother. He had also mentioned that Iroh would need some emotional support and him and Iroh had grown quite close. On top of that, Zuko had begun to trust Hakoda somewhat and he would mostly be the one to be watching Zuko for now. 

They begin flying towards the North Pole. For the first time in over 15 years, Kya is going to see the snow and the arora again. She is going to a place that greatly resembles home. Despite the situation, that is what she thinks about. Finally. 

  
  


Hakoda has been trying to spend more time with Zuko now that he is allowing Hokada near him again. He had wanted to try and lend any and all of his assistance to the healers, but he was told that the most helpful thing he could do is to stay out of their way. The only time he would be going to the hospital wing would be to bring Katara meals, force her to eat and rest for a little. There’s only so much that she will be willing to do for herself and he needs to try and maximize it for her. She’s so consumed with helping everyone else that she is forgetting about herself. He’s grateful that Iroh had forced her to heal herself first. Not as much that he shackled her to the bed to do so, but his intentions were good and it worked.

Iroh is busy trying to deal with the situation that has unfolded. The palace has about 150 dead bodies of Fire Nation nationalists within its walls. He is allowing people to come claim their loved ones for the next three days. More difficult, he is explaining what happened with Azula and Zuko. There is a lot that he isn’t willing to get into about Zuko on the grounds that it is very traumatizing and personal. All that he is sharing was that Zuko was kidnaped and severely tortured for four months by Ozai and his supporters. He has informed the public that they threatened to come back, threatening the entire royal family especially Zuko. That Azula had invited them to the palace to kill them and protect Zuko from more harm. He is also informing the public that Zuko was the one who offered Azula the crown because after what was done to him he is no longer fit to rule and needs to focus on his recovery. 

Iroh hasn’t given any more information than that and there is a lot of anger, confusion, and fear. A lot of why Iroh has temporarily taken over as Fire Lord again if Azula was just crowned and where she is. Also how she got to the palace in the first place. There are a lot of questions as to what happened to Iroh and the others as it seemed as though there was a fight at the palace before the New Ozai society members were killed. There are also a lot of questions about what had happened to Aang as he had been “captured” by Azula and had not been seen since. Iroh has refused to answer a lot of those questions as it will be for Fire Lord Azula to share once she has returned. 

Zuko had clearly wanted to spend time with Iroh, someone who he trusted, but Iroh is very busy with acting as the Fire Lord during this time. He would likely want to spend time with Katara, but she was working constantly in the hospital, that is something he didn’t even mention. He doesn’t want to bother Toph while she is recovering, she needs to rest and she always gets over excited when talking to Zuko. So Zuko is kind of stuck with Hakoda, and it will likely be what’s best for him in the long run.

Hakoda has managed to get Zuko to go outside near the turtle duck pond, it’s a place that Sokka had mentioned made Zuko feel safe. Hakoda is trying to stick to as many things that are familiar to Zuko. He really thought that the others were exaggerating when they said that Zuko needed someone with him at all times. Hakoda found out that they weren’t when he had left the pond for twenty minutes when he thought Zuko was napping. When he came back, Zuko had been trying to drag himself into his wheelchair, shaking and crying. He hadn’t left Zuko’s side since.

For most of the day so far, they hadn’t spoken too much. Zuko spent a lot of time looking hesitantly at Hakoda and shifting closer to him every so often until he felt safe enough to rest his head on Hakoda’s lap. He gently ran his fingers through Zuko’s hair, Zuko’s body slowly relaxing as fear eases out of him. Fear that Hakoda would ever dream to hurt Zuko in any way. So much had been taken from his boy, it made Hakoda’s heart ache. 

“Son?” Hakoda finally says, feeling like he should try and start some kind of conversation while Zuko is willing to spend time with him. He wants to start to gain some of Zuko’s trust back, give him another person to hang onto. “Hmmm?”

Hakoda brushes Zuko’s hair from his face, his eyes are closed but he is conscious. “What do you remember about me? I know that you are reasonably hesitant to trust me, and I want to know if there is anything I can do to make this easier for you. Is there anything that you want more detail about? Any questions I could help you with? I’ve been told by multiple people that you want your memories back.”

Zuko sits up with a little help from his arms, it hurts to see how weak Zuko has become. He remembers when Zuko punched through nearly six inches of ice with nothing but an insane amount of strength and a fist of fire because Sokka had fallen through the ice and Zuko panicked. This was long after Hakoda had stopped worrying about this being some long con that Zuko was pulling, Sokka just being caught in the middle of it. He had wondered how he had ever thought Zuko wasn’t madly in love with Sokka. Zuko had reacted faster than Hakoda had and had acted as if Sokka nearly drowned and didn’t just need to be warmed up at the village. Zuko hadn’t left Sokka’s side once, keeping the fire high, making sure he ate plenty of soup to keep warm. Sokka had fallen into the ice plenty of times before like that, the whole village found it pretty endearing to see the Fire Lord doting on Sokka the rest of the day and was still worried the next two as well. He had followed Sokka around asking if he was okay, wrapping furs around him. There was so much concern on his little face. So much love and devotion for Sokka. Apparently when Suki found out about that, she mocked Zuko for it for months and they settled it with a drunken fist fight that Sokka had egged on. 

Hakoda pulls himself from the happy memories, still not understanding how Zuko was the most reckless one out of the relationship yet was the one who freaked out when Suki or Sokka got sick or injured. They all of course cared and worried about each other when one of them wasn’t well. Neither Sokka nor Suki worried like Zuko did. It is sweet though. Hakoda knows his boy is being well looked after and loved.

“I understand why my uncle and I got so close. He had just lost his son and I had been abandoned by my mother who was the only parent I was close to. We started getting close to fill the void that was left by that with each other and that eventually grew into a very close relationship. You have two children who are both alive, well, and have what seems to be a good relationship with you. I just…I don’t understand what value you had for me. I was also disowned, betrayed, and abandoned by my father and so was looking for validation and you’re kind and supportive. I understand why I wanted to get close to you. I still want to do so again. I just don’t understand what value I would have for you.”

It hurts to know that Zuko is still thinking of himself in more of the sense of something that can be bargained for or used. A thing opposed to a person. Property as Ozai had forced Zuko to internalize. That Zuko thinks he can’t just be valuable to Hakoda simply because he is loved. However, the whole thing about abandonment issues and validation  _ sounds  _ like the kind of thing a psychiatrist would talk about. He doesn't know from personal experience, but hopefully that means that Zuko is taking his sessions with Iyasu seriously. 

Hakoda moves so that Zuko can comfortably rest his head against his shoulder. “Well, son, I–”

“S-sorry sir, I want to hear my name again. I want that back, too. Can you use it? I want father gone.” Hakoda feels pride well up in his chest as he looks at Zuko. He wants to use his name again, something that had sent him into a mild panic not too long ago. Even better yet, Zuko had interrupted him and wasn’t begging for forgiveness of shielding his face. He’s just nervous, not terrified. It’s progress. 

“Of course, Zuko. I’m so proud of you.” He says softly, brushing a hand through Zuko's hair. “Well, Zuko, we spent some time together after you helped Sokka rescue me from the boiling rock and after your coronation, but not too much. The first one was you learning to trust me, you had reservations of me being a father and a leader and bad experience with both. After your coronation it was more because my children were there and we were going to return to the South Pole together. 

Zuko’s face pinches in thought for a moment. “The boiling rock was a prison you were held after an invasion on the Fire Nation…we couldn’t bend for some reason. I can’t remember why. Sokka and I broke in to get you out and we found Suki and some other people, can’t remember who or why we brought them back. I remember that was when I first developed a crush on Sokka. I’m glad, he’s really amazing.”

Hakoda smiles at Zuko. His memory is coming back. He’s far more open in how he is talking. Zuko is coming back. It’s slow, but he’s coming back. “Yeah, it was when I first learned you were on our side. We didn’t see each other for about a year and a half after the war. When I came to the Fire Nation to visit next, Sokka and Suki told me that they had added you to their relationship. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t fully trust you. Part of me was worried that this was some long con of yours involving you getting the crown and Sokka was either part of it or just a fling along the way. I was worried he was going to get hurt. Most of the reason we started to spend more time together was for me to show you that Iroh wasn’t the exception to kind fathers and leaders. That your father was the exception for cruel ones. A smaller part was because I wanted to keep an eye on you in case you were going to hurt Sokka. The more time we spent together, the less I worried and the more I just grew to care about you. It all fully dissipated when you wanted to learn how to make five flavor soup. My mother taught you. You wanted to learn to make it because Sokka was going to start spending more time away from the South Pole and you wanted to make him something that reminded him of home if he got homesick. I value you just because I love you. You’re part of the family. You’re my son. That’s why we’re close.” 

He feels Zuko wrap his arms tightly around him. “I don’t deserve you. Any of you. You’ve all been so kind to me, done so much despite how difficult I have made it. Thank you so much. Also thank you for giving me a chance with Sokka. I can’t remember everything about him and Suki, but I know that I love them. I know that they’re the best thing to ever happen to me. I want you to be honest…do I deserve them? I want to, I’ll do whatever I can to deserve them. They make me feel safe and happy. I just don’t want to lose them later because I wasn’t good enough.”

Hakoda slowly wraps his arms around Zuko’s tiny body, pulling him closer to his chest. “Zuko, they love you so much. You do so much for them all the time. I know you don’t remember a lot of your relationship, but you would always be bringing them food, reminding them to stay hydrated, and would stay by their side for hours at a time, reading to them or just talking whenever one of them got sick. Sokka apparently learned to bandage injuries, I have no idea why, he wouldn’t tell me why you and Suki got hurt so much. You would still always be the one to just keep them comfortable. You did so much for them, you make them so happy. You deserve them, Zuko. You really do. I don’t say that lightly, my children deserve only the best, and you and Suki are it. They were torn apart while we were looking for you. I’ve never seen Sokka as unenthusiastic about food or just unenthusiastic in general when we didn’t know if we would find you. You deserve so much more than what you’ve gone through. I am so sorry.”

“I love you.” He hears Zuko mumble under his breath, burying his head in the crook of Hakoda’s neck. “I love you too, Zuko.” Hakoda replies, rubbing Zuko’s back gently. They stay like that for a long time, the sun gently warming them, a soft breeze in the courtyard rustling the leaves. Zuko wrapped in his arms for the first time in six months. There’s a long way to go, but Hakoda finally feels like he is getting his fifth child back. The one who was always in desperate need of any form of validation or love. The one who the world had treated so cruelly. The one who Hakoda would die to protect before anyone ever touched his boy again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and tell me what you think of this. Also, reminder: I start school again on Tuesday. This will be put on the back burner for obvious reasons. I know even at a slowed down rate this still updates faster than a lot of fics but it will become more like standard being updated like once a week or smth like that. I don't know. I'm taking organic chemistry this semester, you now all understand my poor judgment. I will still more regularly look at comments and reply to them pretty fast bc that gives me some seretonin. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter with a lot of dadkoda.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is when I start school, these updates will slow down to more traditional opposed to multiple times a week. This will be the last update I will post for longer than normal. I don't know how long, it depends. I will just write whenever I have time time and I will likely not have an updating schedule, it will just be as soon as I have a chapter done. I know that I have said that chapter updates will begin to slow down before but this is for real and significantly more than from before. I am in idiot and have decided to take things like genetics, cell biology, orgo, stats, and STEM stuff like that so, Imma get a vibe check. Just please let me know what you think of the chapters in the comments because it releases seretonine in my deprived brain.

Sokka had regained lucid consciousness a few hours ago and had been staring blankly at the ceiling, too tired and in too much pain to do much of anything else. Azula and Suki had both woken up while he was up, but neither had been in a all there. Mom, Bato, the Kyoshi warrior’s name who’s name he can’t remember in this state, and Aang had gotten them both to drink some water and eat some soft food. After, they got Azula and Suki back to sleep, keeping them alive as best they could. 

Mom had sat with Sokka most of the time, Sokka not speaking, Kya speaking to herself. Well, not like  _ herself,  _ someone else who Sokka isn’t sure is someone who is nothing but a memory now or someone she had created in her mind from loneliness. He doesn’t know what the guards she lived with sounded like or how accurate her impressions of their voice is.

From what is sounds like, mom is trying to convince someone that it would be a good idea to heal the wounded lion vulture in the woods and adopt it. Sokka hopes that this is a conversation that she is having with an imaginary friend, but it suspiciously sounds a lot like a conversation she had with someone before. An argument she likely lost considering there wasn’t a lion vulture at the prison when they found mom. But he has no idea what the life span of one is, how old it had been, or how injured it was. If this was even from a real point in here life.

Mom may have changed a lot from the distant memories that he had of her. When Sokka had asked, dad and Bato had said she had changed dramatically. She used to be a very quite and rule abiding individual. She  _ definitely  _ isn’t either of those now. She’ll have lengthy conversations about very minor things, likely because she went for years with no companionship. She often talks to herself about very odd things, Sokka doubted she even noticed she did it anymore or at least forgot that it was a strange habit. She had also had mentioned relatively regular use of drugs and alcohol. Mostly moonshine, weak wine, and hallucinogenic mushrooms. The third had apparently been used more frequently when the guards left. That last one is what surprised dad and Bato, saying they would have never expected drug use from her. They defiantly understand now, times of high stress lead someone to do odd things.

Despite the changes that she had been through, she still loves him. She is still a loving and caring mother, wife, friend, and person in general. She may have a slightly different way of showing it or interacting with people, but she is still kind. She still wants to make things better than how she found it. Sokka still loves her as much as he remembered if not more. He’s thrilled that she’s back in his life. 

He’s happy how much she had bonded with the fire siblings. He had figured out a little late why mom wasn’t particularly pleased with who he was dating. He had thought at first that maybe mom didn’t like the fact that her little boy had grown up enough to have a significant other while she was gone, but mom had adored Suki. He then just thought that maybe mom might be a little homophobic, but she was clearly very happy that dad had started dating Bato and hadn’t been alone all those years. He then realized she didn’t like Fire Nation nobility and hadn’t liked that Sokka was dating the Fire Lord. 

Luckily, she had warmed up to Zuko pretty quickly. Zuko had needed someone who was kind and gentle to help him. He was very happy that the two had gotten close, it was good for Zuko. He’s also happy that she and Azula had gotten close as well. Sokka will admit that he was very suspicious of Azula for awhile, but she had proved herself ten times over. He knows that where Azula had a closer relationship to Ozai than Zuko did, she was just as severely abused and uncared for as Zuko was. The difference is she was kept at her father’s side to do his dirty work, not cast aside and able to find someone else to guide her away from Ozai’s shadow. He doesn’t know too much about their mother, but he knows that she and Azula were always at odds. It’s good for Azula to have a loving mother figure, even if it is his own mother. It’s a little odd that his parents had both sort of adopted two different Fire Lords, but hey, Sokka’s entire life is odd at this point.

He would never admit it to mom, but he’s glad she taught Zuko how to knit. It kept him occupied while the New Ozai society was in the palace. It started giving him more control over his hands and calmed him down a little. It’s also really cute to see him smiling at the needles, humming quietly to himself. He looks so relaxed and safe. Zuko needs it. If mom ever asked, Sokka would certainly say she shouldn’t have insisted Zuko learn to knit. 

Sokka can tell that mom is excited to be back in the poles again. Not quite home, but the closest she has been to in almost 20 years. Sokka hopes that they have stewed sea prunes that he can eat. Zuko makes really good five flavor soup for him when Sokka feels homesick, but Zuko absolutely  _ hates _ stewed sea prunes, or ocean kumquats as they have in the Fire Nation. But Zuko isn’t here, so, not Zuko’s problem. 

His biggest concern is that the healers will be unwilling or unable to help the injured with them. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if Suki dies. He loves her so much, he can’t lose her like this. Or at all, she’s been his kind of girlfriend and his girlfriend since he was 15. She’s become big part of his life and he needs her. Sokka has no idea what will happen to Zuko if someone dies, especially if it is Suki or Azula. It will crush him. He’ll blame himself.

“Mom?” Sokka asks, looking up at her mother. “Oh, come off it Lee, they lay eggs and would be good protection. Also it’s just a hurt baby.” She isn’t looking at him, a warm, distant smile on her face. “Mom?” Sokka says a bit louder, gently touching his hand to her knee. She looks down at him, giving him an affectionate smile. “Hey, Sokka. Do you need something?”

Sokka shakes his head, sitting up very slowly, putting some of his weight on his mother’s shoulder. “Did you see Zuko before we left? Was he doing okay? Is there anyone with him right now? Did he get hurt? I’m just really worried about him. He’s really fragile.”

His mom wraps her arms around his head, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Zuko is with your father right now. Katara is busy as the most skilled healer with many injured and Iroh is busy as the Fire Lord. Toph and Mai are healing and needs to rest, but they’ll will be fine. It’s nothing that the healers, Katara, and a bit of time can’t fix easily. He showed a little bit of trust for Hakoda. I think this will be good for him. He fears most other men in general and I think reintroducing him to men he was close with who would never hurt him is important to his healing process. He wasn’t hurt during the attack, he’s just pretty freaked out.”

Sokka sighs a little, hugging mom tighter. Zuko is going to be okay. He doens’t like the idea that Zuko is forced to be around someone who he doesn’t fully trust when he is in such a fragile state. However, it isn’t good for him to have such a strong fear of other men. He  _ needs  _ to learn that not everyone will hurt him. That most people in the world will either react neutrally to him or show him kindness or respect. It is a small amount that will go out of their way to harm him. Monsters like that don’t roam the world all in every place. On top of that, they just took out a lot of them in the Fire Nation. He wants Zuko to trust dad again, he had been a lot of Zuko’s emotional support and Zuko loved, respected, and looked up to Hakoda. 

“Mom, I wan’t there when the others made the plan, do you know why Iroh and I had to switch positions? I didn’t want to argue with Azula or you right then because I figured she and the others knew what they were doing. Also, Azula was putting herself in so much danger and was under so much stress, I didn’t need to add to it. However, I’m not saying I can’t hold my own in battle, I just think that having two of the most skilled firebenders on the battlefield would have been better than just Azula. I can’t be the only one who thinks that, do you know what they wanted Iroh and I to switch?”

“Well, I guess it’s because he could better protect Zuko with being cornered in the room, but it would take a lot of firebenders to get down that door so, ma–

“Iroh was in on the promise.” He hears Azula mumble, she’s conscious but not lucid. “Bato, Azula’s awake, can you bring us some water and the jar of beans?” She calls, completely ignoring what Azula had said. He knows she’s just trying to keep her nourished, but that sounded…concerning. And why wasn’t Sokka apart of this? He is one of Zuko’s lovers, the person who spent days on end with him making sure that he was okay.

Sokka shifts so he’s closer to Azula. “Azula, what promise? Why wasn’t I apart of this? Who else was in on it?” 

Azula turns to face him, it looks kind of like she is making eye contact, but more like she is staring though his eyes and past him at nothing in particular. She needs medical attention and she needs it soon. She won’t make it if the Northern Water Tribe denies their pleas. “Iroh, Toph, Suki, Me, Katara. You weren’t apart of it because you’re a little bitch. The promise is to protect Zuko from any more pain, no matter the cost.” He voice is hoarse and her words all come out slowly like she is trying to talk through molasses. 

Sokka feels his heart hammering in his chest. “Azula,  _ what  _ is the promise? What did you promise Zuko? What were you keeping from me? Why was my sister and girlfriend involved in this and not me? Wh–”

“Sokka, stop interrogating her. She’s sick, she needs to rest. She can’t answer all of your questions. You can ask her later when she is in better shape.” His mom says, brushing her fingers through his hair, clearly not listening to what Azula had said as Bato comes over with some food and water to coax Azula into eating.

“No, this is obviously something they wanted to keep from me. This is the perfect time to ask her, she doesn’t know what she’s telling me. Bato, mom, please. It’s about Zuko and now I’m worried, just two more minutes, then you can feed her, please?” He practically begs, looking desperately at Bato. 

He sighs, nodding once, sitting next to Azula as mom moves away from Sokka, beginning to slowly prop Azula’s head up on her lap. Sokka looks at Azula again. “Azula. What did you promise Zuko? Just tell me, please. I can help protect him too if you tell me.”

Azula lets out a small moan, shifting her head. “If they got in. If they got too close, we’d make sure they couldn’t take him back. We’d break his neck. Give him a quick, painless death. It was better than the alternative.” She mumbles, closing her eyes.

“Bato, we need to get something in her, she likely won’t wake up again until the North Pole and her body is using a lot of energy to heal itself.” Mom say quickly as if she didn’t hear what Azula had just said. Bato acts the same way, getting the beans into her mouth, helping her swallow it down with water. 

Sokka looks between the three of them flabbergasted. “Mom, Bato, did you not hear what she just said? They were going to  _ kill  _ Zuko as some fucked up way of protecting him. Do you not care? Wh–”

“Sokka, honey, I heard her. I do care and I’m worried. However, we have only a small window of time to get Azual to eat and drink. She still needs energy. We’ll have plenty of time to unpack this and yell at each other later. I would like to have Azula and Suki to be able to yell at and I’m sure you would like the same thing. The important thing is that they didn’t fulfill that promise. You freaking out will help no one, just please calm down.”

Sokka wants to start yelling at all of them, but unfortunately…mom has a point. He would rather wait two weeks to scream at Azula and Suki than to honor their lives in mourning. That still doesn’t change the fact that he is absolutely livid that this was kept from him. He’ll sneak attack Katara for this and just make Iroh feel guilty. He’ll yell at Azula and argue with Suki. He values his life and is smart enough to not fight Toph about this. Or maybe he would if she is still recovering when he gets back.  _ Fighting an injured crippled woman. Very brave of you.  _ Sokka humphs at his own thoughts, mumbling about how Toph could still take him. Fuck, he’s arguing with himself now too. Either mom’s cabin fever madness is rubbing off on him, this runs in the family or mom is onto something. Luckily no one hears him. If they do, they don’t react. At least he has that going for him.

He had no idea that Zuko was so scared of being taken again that he had begged people to kill him. His suicide attempt wasn’t just something he did out of impulse. It was something he did out of deep horror and grief. A promise of death must have been why Zuko had recoved so suddenly after days af screaming and crying. He had an out no matter what happened. He would be “safe” on his own terms. Sokka’s heart aches for Zuko, how scared he must have been and still is. He thought that Zuko was doing better just because he was, not because he had an out. It hurts to know Zuko didn’t trust him enough with this. That Zuko was in so much pain right in front of him and Sokka didn’t even suspect something like this.

When they get back home, he, Suki, and Zuko will have to sit down and have a long, serious conversation.  _ Did I just think of the Fire Nation palace as home? No…home is where Zuko and Suki are. When wer'e together.  _ He thinks, biting the inside of his cheek. The three of them are going to have to talk about their relationship. Things are going to be different. Their relationships with each other may be different. There is no doubt in Sokka’s heart that he loved Zuko and Suki whole heartedly, it’s just things have changed. 

Zuko has a long way to go to recover, and will still never be the same. He would likely never want to have sex again, not that sex is necessary in a relationship, but it was something Zuko had always enjoyed that may be taken from him forever. On top of that Sokka would miss watching Zuko come apart with pleasure under him. He would miss Zuko feels safe, confident, and okay. Zuko would likely never feel safe sleeping alone again. He would always be traumatized by this experience, he will never be the same again no matter how much time he has to heal. He will likely always have trouble walking, Katara and many other healers said he would be able to walk again without a wheelchair, but he may have a limp or need a cane for the rest of his life. 

Zuko has a short temper with himself. He’s filled with self loathing and doubt and finds anything about himself to tear apart. He knows Zuko will tear himself apart for not being able to walk properly if he tears himself apart for poor vision and hearing on his left side and not being able to generate lightning among many other things. He’ll likely put himself through a lot of unnecessary pain and difficulty trying to walk without any aid, injuring himself further. It’s not something Sokka is looking forward to seeing.

Sokka loves Zuko, he really does, but Zuko can be so infuriating sometimes. Sokka could point out plenty of people that he has met through his life that had been disabled in some way or another. Tell Zuko that they all just learned to work around it and were just as valuable members of society as someone without those same disabilities. 

He remembers that Teo hadn’t let being paralyzed stop him from doing just about anything. He had a glider built around his wheelchair so he could maneuver himself around the air temple. He had, unfortunately, built ramps with Haru and The Duke at the other air temple and the three of them saw how far he could launch himself with and without The Duke in his lap. Once with Haru in his lap, that ended badly and so they didn’t do that again. Teo is also a brilliant inventor much like his father and contributed greatly to the war effort along with rebuilding the world. Toph capitalized on her disability by forcing herself to invent two new kinds of bending, seismic sense and metalbending. Or, he guesses she learned seismic sense from badgermoles but she was the first human to master it. That woman is a fucking menace. Also…sparky sparky boom man had two prosthetics and that didn’t stop him from living his dream of being a high level hit man. Not necessarily productive member of society, but able to live his life.

Sokka could present these examples to Zuko along with more and Zuko would still find a way to convince himself that he was the exception. He used to think that Zuko was just doing stuff like that to be pretentious of something. He quickly learned that Zuko just really thought he had to prove himself twice as much to be half as valuable. He really just hates himself and thinks that everyone will leave him eventually. 

Sokka just wants his lovers back. He wants Zuko to be safe and happy again. He wants for the three of them to be able to lay half naked on the bed, curled up under the covers, kissing each other and just talking. Never about anything important, just spending time together, confessing their love for one another, Suki and Zuko ganging up on Sokka about something stupid. He just wants his life back. He wants things to go back to how they were.

He lays back down, curling up and closing his eyes. He pulls the blankes closer. It’s getting colder, that means they’re getting closer. He feels a tear roll down his cheek as he lets himself fall into a restless sleep. His dreams are filled with Zuko screaming in unbelievable pain and Sokka is unable to help him. Just forced to listed, forced to let him suffer. Forced to let him die.

  
  


“Would you like me to take you back to Sokka’s room for the night if you want to sleep there?” Hakoda asks as he helps Zuko back into his wheelchair, leading him away from the courtyard. This is the first time that Zuko had thought about sleeping. He had forgotten that Sokka, Suki, and Azula are gone. Those are the people he usually slept with outside of Iroh. Zuko begins shaking his head violently, feeling tears form in his eyes. “Wh-where is uncle? I wanna sleep with uncle. If not him, could you take me to Toph’s or Mai’s room in the hospital? Do-don’t even need to sleep in the same bed, just close to them. Please.” He whimpers, biting his lip.

“I think Iroh is in his office, he should be going to sleep soon. I can bring you somewhere and you can go to bed and he’ll come in later. Is that alright?”

Zuko shakes his head again. “Sokka and Suki were going to come in later a-and they took me. Th-that’s when they took me, when I was sleeping alone. I’m no-not doing that again.” He flinches a little when he feels a hand touch his shoulder. The hand retracts from him almost immediately. “I’m sorry, son, I didn’t mean to scare you, how about we go find Toph? The guard that was in the other bed in her room wasn’t injured too horribly, she may have left after being bandaged.” 

Zuko nods, digging his nails into his arm. He couldn’t even  _ sleep  _ alone anymore. Sokka and Suki would get tired of how needy he had become. They would leave him. They had each other, two people that hadn’t been broken. Two people who could walk, could defend themselves, who could sleep alone, who could get through sentences without stuttering, who could hear people yelling or see fire and not be sent into a panic, who could be even partially undressed and not be filled with terror. Two people who could actually take care of themselves and live. Two people who would cut him out of the relationship soon enough. 

Zuko begins crying softly as they approach the hospital. “What’s wrong, Zuko?” He hears Hakoda say in his deep, gently voice. “Th-they’re going t-to leave me. They’re going to g-get sick o-of me a-and they’re going to l-leave me.” He sobs, covering his face and shame.

The wheelchair stops moving and he hears Hakoda move, it sound and feels like he’s crouching in front of him. “Zuko, are we talking about Sokka and Suki? They’re not going to leave you. They love you. Relationships can go though difficult times but just because something gets a little complicated doesn’t mean it gets abandoned. You three have been together for almost seven years and have been happy like that. They aren’t going to leave just because you’re recovering from a traumatic experience.” He feels Hakoda’s hand rest on his knee. He’s worried for a moment that Hakoda’s hand will move up his leg, but it stays there, the thumb gently moving in a comforting circle. 

“Th-they’re going t-to leave me b-becasue I’m pathetic a-and am never going to get better. They’re g-going to leave me b-because I’m worthless. I-I’m damaged, a-and dirty, and used, and weak, and horrible, a-and I wa-want to die!” He practically screams through his sobs.

Zuko feels his hands gently being pulled away from his face, Hakoda’s cupping his face in place of them. “Zuko, never say that about yourself. Ever. Something so horrible and unspeakable was done to you. Everything, and I mean every single thing that happened down there was not your fault. Stop trying to convince yourself you had any choice in anything that happened. You were starved, sleep deprived, brainwashed, and tortured in every way possible. The fact that you’re willing to try and recover and have made as much progress as you have is remarkable. You’re so brave and strong. You have so much love in your heart, being willing and able to start reforming meaningful relationships with people after this. I never want to hear you say something like that about yourself again, you hear me? That’s your abusers talking, it’s not the truth, I promise you. Once Toph heals, she can test me if I’m lying if you would like. Alright?” 

Zuko nods, closing his eyes, feeling Hakoda’s thumb brush a tear from his face. “I love you so much, son. Suki and Sokka aren’t going to leave you. They won’t. Things might change in your relationship, but they won’t leave you.”

Zuko bites his lip, nodding again. He still doesn’t fully believe Hakoda, but he feels a bit better at least for now. Hakoda begins to push the chair again leading down the hallway of doors, reaching one and they go in. Toph is laying in the bed, poking at her bandages on her arm. Her feet are propped up and bandaged, they are burned as well. That had to be the worst for her. The other bed in the room is empty.

She sits up upon their arrival. “Who’s there? Don’t be an asshole about it because I will take my revenge on you once my feet heal up.” She says loudly and aggressively. “It’s Hakoda and Zuko, I was wondering if Zuko could sleep with you tonight. Iroh is busy right now and Sokka, Suki, and Azula are gone for now.”

Toph flashes them a grin, well, she’s looking at the wall, not them. She can’t tell where they are that well anymore until her feet heal. “Of course Sparky can stay with me…are you going by your name again Sparks?” She asks, cocking her head. 

Zuko nods before remembering that Toph couldn’t read his body language. “I-I am, I want it back. I don’t want father to have that too.” He feels Hakoda wrap his arms around him, lifting him into the bed and resting him next to Toph who immediately wraps her arms around him. It’s probably good for her to have someone to hang onto when she is truly blind. 

“Thank you, Toph.” Zuko mumbles after Hakoda leaves, nuzzling his head next to her’s. “No problem, Zuko. It’s good to have you here. I’m glad your safe now. I would burn my feet 100 more times if it meant that those monsters could never touch you again.” 

Zuko smiles softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Th-thank you, Toph, I love you.” He mumbles, feeling a little less guilty about her feet considering she didn’t care. “Love you too, Zuko.” Is the last thing he hears before he is pulled into a much needed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kya has full conversations with herself because she was alone for so long. Like the guards were with her for like six years and then she was alone for like nine give or take. That is with almost no human interactions and relatively drug use. I'm not advocating for drug use, it's just, if you were isolated for almost a decade, don't tell me that you wouldn't start using drugs and talking to yourself as well. All things considered, I think she's really sane.   
> No one can convince me that she doesn't talk to herself because I am the author of this bad quarantine angst piece and therefore am her God. I am an awful God but that is besides the point. I hope you guys like this:)


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first week of class so I haven't had too much homework. I literally just had like an hour of stats, a 1 page paper, and two quizzes for various classes. Updates still usually won't be this fast but I have been able to get through all of my school work and classes pretty fast due to the fact work is minimal for now. Hopefully it won't unbearable. I'm just looking forward to the fact that I am taking my last math class and chemistry class ever.

The people of the Fire Nation have very mixed feelings about what is going on to say the least. A lot of people wanted to see Zuko, to hear from him themselves, that was something Iroh adamantly refused to do. He wasn’t even going to ask that from Zuko. It was the third day after the terrorist organization that the people who tortured him came from were fighting in the palace. Zuko had only just begun to trust Hakoda and hopefully that would lead to trusting other men. Zuko is still so fragile and Iroh knows that he isn’t ready to speak to anyone or even be seen by a crowd. What worries Iroh is that if asked about this, Zuko would comply because he would think it was expected of him. He would comply because he knew that it was what the people wanted and possibly what Iroh would want. He would comply out of a sense of duty and fear. Not a choice. 

Hakoda had told Iroh about Zuko’s fear. He had informed Iroh that Zuko is scared that he is going to be left behind. That he’s been used and is worth less than he was before. Worth less than the others around him. Not worth keeping around.

Iroh remembers the sick feeling in his stomach when Zuko had thought that he had to repay the kindness that Iroh had shown his beloved nephew. That Zuko thought he had to pay Iroh with his body. The knowledge that Zuko would truly think that Iroh would  _ ever  _ touch Zuko like that, especially by force, still makes him sick.

His tenderhearted nephew had been so hurt for so much of his life and even more so in the past few months. Zuko had finally learned to not cover his heart in steel forged with the flame of anger and fear. He had finally learned not to lash out at others who wanted to come close to him physically or emotionally. Zuko finally understood that compassion is usually genuine and isn’t always some manipulation tactic designed to get his guard down. He had finally learned that life isn’t all about pain.

That had all changed when Ozai took Zuko. Not only could many of the pieces that once held Zuko together not be found, many had been ground down by cruelty, making it so that they didn’t fit anymore. Making it so the pieces of him didn’t come together right. Zuko would now break apart easily, undoing all the work that they had done to bring him back or the shards simply hurt Zuko when back in a place. They no longer fit and the sharp edges dug into him. 

Zuko simply wasn’t ready to face a crowd of people screaming at him, demanding answers. demanding pieces of him that Zuko wouldn’t share with the people who loved him when the request was whispered while holding Zuko in safe, loving arms. Forcing him out there would break him further. 

There is also a lot of anger at the treatment of the New Ozai Society. Many, mostly those who were affiliated with the fallen, are furious. They screamed about how these people were not the ones who tortured Zuko. They weren’t the ones who posed a direct threat to anyone. They didn’t know how far Ozai was willing to go, they just wanted the Fire Nation to be a place of safety and strength again. A state that Zuko was too weak to lead it too. 

Iroh had wanted to scream that if they saw a young man they saw as their own beloved son covered in blood and cum, shaking with pain and terror, and been drugged to the point that he couldn’t even remember who he was, they would have done the same thing. He wanted to scream that they wouldn’t let the people who tortured their beloved boy so severely just walk away. They wouldn’t let more of them threaten his safety. Threaten to come back and possibly do more harm to him. 

Iroh didn’t say that , he needed to stay calm, but he desperately wanted to say that and more. What he did say was that this was an organization that directly threatened the wellbeing of the royal family in the name of a dead tyrant. They were a group who were out for blood and revenge and couldn’t be trusted after what had been done. That they had been able to siege the palace and not only free the most secure prisoner but also kidnap the sitting Fire Lord. They were a treasonous group and would be treated as such. There would be no tolerance for anyone doing anything in their or Ozai’s name. They would meet with them the same fate. 

It was made clear that no family or friend of the New Ozai Society would be charged by taking the body of their loved one or mourning their death and celebrating their life. They should not be celebrated or loved as a terrorist. However, they are all sons, daughters, husbands, wives, sisters, brothers, and friends to people who did nothing wrong. They could be celebrated by that relationship to the world. Not by their organization, nationalism, and domestic terrorism. 

Iroh didn’t care if people were upset about these dead people. The only reason he cared was because he was putting this burden on Azula’s shoulders. They hadn’t seen eye to eye for most of Azula’s life, and Iroh only has himself to blame. He never tried to help her out of her father’s shadow. He had never cared about the kind, caring girl who was locked inside of the soldier Ozai turned her into. He should have tried to find the woman she has become long ago. The one who has fiercely protected Zuko from the night they brought him home. The one who had refused to leave his side for even a moment despite how he treated her until she was sure that Zuko felt safe with Iroh. The one who wept for Zuko’s pain when Zuko no longer had the energy to do so for himself. The one who grew close to Bato and especially Kya in a way that she had never done so with her own parents. In a way Iroh hadn’t let her grow close with him. 

Everything that Iroh is doing now will eventually fall back on Azula’s burdened shoulders. He has to do as much as he can now in a way making up what he hadn’t done for her long ago. For leaving Azula to the cruelty of his brother for so long. It’s too late to undo the damage he has done, but a simple apology will mean nothing after everything he let happen to that girl. They’re just empty words. It doesn't mean he won’t have something to apologize for every day for the rest of his life. Just an apology will mean nothing. The least he can do is show his dedication to helping her in any and every way that he can. 

His niece and nephew need help. Iroh needs to do his job as the only present and loving family that the two had. Well, they had parent figures, but Iroh is the only one who is related to them. Both Zuko and Azula have the Water Tribe family. Interesting how close the Fire Nation royals and the chief of the Water Tribe’s family have become. It’s nice, the two of them need that kind of loving family. The kind that had been denied to them for so long by the cruelty of Ozai. Cruelty that Iroh didn’t realize was so deeply horrible until they found Zuko. What Ozai had done to his own son. His child. 

Iroh isn’t sure what to do. He wants more ideas for what he could possibly do to help his family and his nation. The idea of speaking to Jai continues to become a better option to him. He has walked to the door of the dungeons under the palace multiple times. He had even put his hand on the door, almost opening it, but he hadn’t. 

He isn’t sure if he can even trust what Jai has to say. Iroh doesn’t even know much about him other than what Kya had told him which she had heard through Azula. It isn’t very much and Kya seems somewhat unclear about the situation. All that Iroh knows is that Jai had tried to get Zuko and Sokka out of the palace. He had been scared that Azula was going to eventually let the rest of the New Ozai Society hurt Zuko even more. Iroh will never agree with his ideologies before this and possibly now, but he is at least enough of a human being to know that what was done to Zuko was unforgivable. That it was truly horrible and unimaginable. 

Iroh has also been doing this to try his best not to interact with Zuko too much. Yesterday, Zuko was spending a lot of time with Hakoda. Someone he had needed to spend time with for a while. Hakoda loves Zuko dearly and Zuko is finally remembering that. Remembering that the fact that the New Ozai Society was overwhelmingly men didn’t mean that most men who weren’t literally a part of a terrorist organization would hurt him. Today, Zuko had apparently agreed to speak to Iyasu again. He had needed to speak to a real psychiatrist. Zuko’s loved ones could offer him love and support and Katara could heal Zuko’s body, but the most damaged part of him is Zuko’s mind. Something no one here but Iyasu has any idea how to put back together. 

Iroh just wants for Zuko to be able to be comfortable again. He wants him to feel safe. Really safe, not just when he is clutching to someone who could protect him. He just wants his nephew back. The tender boy who wanted so badly to feel the loving embrace of the world he had been denied for so long. The boy Iroh had sworn to protect and had just failed him over and over again. He had failed Zuko so badly this time that he may never fully come back.

Iroh steps out of his office again, beginning to walk down the hallway, beginning to make his way towards the dungeons. He isn’t sure if he’ll actually see Jai this time, but he knows that it’s better than sitting in his office and thinking about everything he had failed at. He wouldn’t be making anything better by being angry at himself. It’s good for him to stretch his legs and possibly get outside.

_ I’ll make some tea. That should calm my nerves.  _ He smiles a little at the thought for his new direction. He turns and begins to make his way down to the kitchens. Iroh respects the kitchen staff for a lot of things. They work hard and make excellent food and drink. It is definitely something he has missed about living in the palace. He has come to enjoy cooking and Kora and many of the friends he has made are wonderful cooks. On top of that, there are many wonderful restaurants in Ba Sing Se that he has enjoyed treating Kora to. It gives the two of them some time for a little romance without traumatizing Jin and some time for her to have the apartment to herself and her boyfriend. Jin had been considering moving out, but Kora didn’t want her to leave yet and she agreed to stay for a while longer. It gives her an opportunity to save money before moving out to get her own place with her boyfriend. He has missed Fire Nation food which only Iroh can do properly and it’s nice to have someone else do it for him. 

However, Iroh is the first to admit that he is very snobbish about his tea. Many of his friends have teased him about it, especially when he got Suki and Sokka to learn how to brew tea properly. They both understood that Iroh wasn’t actually going to stand in the way of them dating Zuko. He knew them both well and they are good, kind people who would treat Zuko well and never do anything to intentionally harm him in any way. They understood the reason he required them to learn to brew tea properly to Iroh’s very high standards was mostly just because he wanted someone else who would regularly be around to be able to do it right. Also he liked knowing someone would do it right for Zuko. Zuko can do it right, but sometimes forgets to even feed himself. However, he is pretty sure that Sokka picked up on the fact that Iroh was testing to see how much they were willing to put up with to be allowed to date Zuko. They had passed that test with flying colors.

Iroh hates the way that the two have been forced to prove their devotion to Zuko now. No one should have to watch the man that they love slowly crawl back from insanity and unadulterated terror. They shouldn’t be forced to watch him be unable to move properly, be in constant pain and fear, apologize to them for being sexually assaulted, and so many more horrors that seemed to always be unfolding at every turn. They shouldn’t have to prove their love to him by staying by his side through all of that. 

They should get to prove their love by coaxing him to eat with gentle words and kisses after a particularly stressful day. Tempt him into the bath by being there themselves. Bringing him flowers and weaving them into his hair when he needs to be cheered up. Bringing him into the city with them to try new foods and see the sights. That is how they should get to prove their love to him, not this. Never like this.

Iroh makes his way into the kitchen, greeting the staff with a small, but friendly smile. He had promised them that the rest of the staff would be able to return when Toph healed, they needed her to test them. Everyone in the palace needs to be fully trusted. There can be no chance that anyone will ever get in here to ever hurt Zuko again. Zuko needs to be safe for the rest of his life, he deserves it. Iroh just wants to be able to know that Suki, Sokka, and Zuko are sitting somewhere that they are safe, gently loving each other in safety. 

Iroh begins to slowly heat water on the stove to make a pot of ginseng tea. He doesn’t think too much about anything as steam begins to curl from the surface of the water, dancing in the air before dissipating.

In his trance at the art of tea making, he is suddenly snapped from it when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns around quickly and is met with Hakoda’s angular face and piercing blue eyes. He sighs softly. “Sorry, Hakoda, I’m just on edge today.” He says, hoping that explains his anxious response to the touch and won’t lead to too many further questions that Iroh doesn't even know the answer to.

“Iroh, I know that you’re trying your best to help everyone not just in the palace but everywhere else as well. This is very unsure territory right now. No one expects you to have the answer on how to proceed form here, you’re tying your best. I know that you have been trying to see Jai. I know this is hard for you. How about you finish your tea and then we bring that and some raman down to the dungeons, I’ll go with you. How does that sound?”

Iroh doesn’t remember making the decision to hug Hakoda, but the next thing he knows he is putting his arms around the man.  _ What is with this family and being able to so easily read the emotions and thought of the Fire Nation royal family. Even Kya is able to read Azula which should be impossible.  _ No matter what the reason for that is, Iroh is grateful that he can consider Hakoda his friend. Iroh hadn’t thought too much about the man, opposed to the fact that he was good for Zuko up until Zuko had been rescued. He never had an issue with Hakoda or any member of his family, it’s just the two of them never got much of a chance to spend time together. They haden't bonded until recently.

Iroh now isn’t sure what he would do without Hakoda.

“That sounds good, let's do that.” Iroh mumbles, reluctantly pulling away from Hakoda’s embrace. He sees Hakoda out of the corner of his eye talking to one of the men cooking and Hakoda is led somewhere, returning a few minutes later with a small bag and a pot of soup. By that time, Iroh has put the ginseng in the pot and all it needs to do is steep. It can do that on the way down to see Jai.

Hakoda walks over to him with a warm smile. “I have cups, bowls, and chopsticks.” He gestures to the bag with his chin. Iroh nods, removing the kettle from the stove before the two of them begin to make their way through the halls of the palace towards the dungeon. Iroh isn’t even sure what he wants to ask Jai or if whatever he says will be any use. All he knows is that it’s better than just trying to figure out what to do and making no progress whatsoever as he continues with the same information. 

“How is Zuko? I know that you two bonded some yesterday, that’s good. You mean a lot to him and I think it’s good for him to learn to trust as many people as possible. Especially other men. He needs to relearn that most men in the world aren’t setting out to harm him.”

Hakoda sighs, looking down sadly. “Most of the day went pretty well. He let me touch him and hold him. He laid his head on my lap and got less tense after awhile. He got less scared of me as the day went on. Unfortunately, I learned that he is absolutely terrified of sleeping alone or being alone for any amount of time. It makes sense because he was abducted when he was alone in his bed and Sokka and Suki were elsewhere, but he started freaking out when I told him I could bring him to your room and said you would be there soon. He’s still so scared, Iroh. He still blames himself for what happens. He thinks that Sokka and Suki are waiting to drop the other shoe and leave him. I’m worried.”

Iroh closes his eyes for a long moment when they reach the dungeon door, a tear rolling down his cheek. “They broke my boy, Hakoda. My brother broke my boy. I’m so terrified that I’m going to wake up with him in my arms around bleeding out because he’s too scared to live anymore. I’m so scared someone else is going to do something to him at the wrong time and it will permanently send him over the edge making it so he can’t recover. I need him to be okay again. The healers have said he could have started to learn to walk again but he’s too scared to stand after being forced to for months on end. I’m so scared he won’t come back from this.”

He feels Hakoda take Iroh’s free, trembling hand. “Iroh, it’s only been two months. I know it seems like it has been so long, but he hasn’t even been in recovery for as long as he was tortured. These things take time. He just needs more time and help to recover. We’ll get him back, he’ll be okay. Zuko is strong.”

Iroh sighs, biting his cheek. Hakoda has a point, Iroh has been wanting to rush Zuko through recovery, wanting him to understand that he is loved and safe when Zuko’s clearest memories are of his torture. Not even just in what happened recently but as in his memories had been stripped from him with some horrible drug that had been forced down his throat. Memories that could have helped Zuko recover faster, memories which he didn’t have, memories that held the past that probably felt like they belonged to someone else.

He feels Hakoda’s hand pull away and hears the door open before mutley following Hakoda down the stairs into the dark rooms under the palace. It really is a horrible place, Iroh is glad this wasn't the prison he was held in.

They get down to the prison floor and there are several torches to keep the room relatively bright, all placed away from the cells as most of the prisoners are usually firebenders. Iroh would probably have to take Jai outside at some point in the near future if he cooperated today. He doesn’t know too much about the man but he knows he is a firebender. Element withdrawal is very painful and terrible for mental wellbeing for any bender, and Jai needs sunlight.  _ Wait, if firebenders need sunlight, are we plants?  _ He thinks, trying to distract himself from what he’ll need to do for a moment before shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

The guards down here are just playing a game of cards, not doing too much else. Considering Jai is the only prisoner as of now and has apparently been pretty cooperative, they haven’t had to do too much. “Can you two gentlemen give us some space for about half an hour? We need to speak with him.” Iroh says, gesturing to Jai. 

One of them nods, raising an eyebrow but doesn’t look concerned before they both leave after handing Iroh the keys. He doubts that either of the guards are worried that Iroh and Hakoda have come to hurt or threaten Jai which is probably why it seems weird to request their absence. Iroh isn’t his brother. Jai’s actions may have come too late, but at least he understood that Ozai’s supporters and Ozai in general were wrong when it came to Zuko. Maybe he thought Ozai was wrong with many other things. Jai could be one of the most important people in the country right now to help unite the people under Azula’s rule. Someone who was very closely involved with the New Ozai Society understanding it’s flaws. Someone who could do more to heal the nation that Azual could on her own from this incident if he chose to help.

They reach his cell and see that he is wrapped in a blanket, facing towards the far wall on the mattress that was given to him. Azula hadn’t wanted to piss him off and on top of that the reason why he was in prison wasn’t a punishment. It was to keep him out of the way both so he couldn’t warn the others and to protect him from their fury.

“Jai? My name is Hakoda, chief of the Southern Water Tribe. I’m sure you know who Iroh is, would you be willing to speak to us? We brought tea and raman. It’s still hot.” Jai doesn't turn to look at them, he just pulls the blankets around himself tighter. 

Iroh sets the teapot down, fitting a key into the lock and opening the door. “Hey Jai, I’m coming in, I’m not going to hurt you.” Iroh isn’t sure what Jai thinks of him, and he doesn’t need the young man to panic and attack him thinking that he is protecting himself. 

Iroh crouches next to Jai, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Jai, can you hear me?” He asks softly, trying to coax him to turn around, Jai doesn’t budge. “Look, I know you’re a firebender and it isn’t good for you to be down here. How about you sit up and we go somewhere else. We can eat in the courtyard if you would like, the sun is out and it’s a beautiful day. I think it would do you some good.”

Jai begins to shift at that, slowly sitting up at the mention of being able to go outside again. He slowly turns around facing Iroh, biting his lower lip. “I-I can see Agni?” he asks hoarsely. Iroh nods, offering him his hand. “Try anything and we’ll bring you back down here and you’ll never see Them again. Just don’t attack anyone and you won’t have to worry about that, alright?” Iroh asks, not wanting to scare the man but also wanting to remind him of his position right now. 

Jai nods, taking Iroh’s hand and standing up. He lets go and Iroh picks up the tea and they begin to make their way back up the stairs. Hopefully he would have some answers. Better yet, he would be willing to help with healing the country, bringing it back from Ozai’s shadow. Justifying the execution of the New Ozai Society. Hopefully, things could begin to return to normal.

  
  


They’re finally here. The North Pole. After 16 years of constant heat, Kya will finally see and feel the slow again in just a matter of minutes. All they had to do was land. All she had to do was run out of the doors and throw herself into the icy cold. She pulls on Katara’s parka and snow boots as fast as she can, not wanting to put a second more of time between her and the freezing cold than she had to. She is going to throw herself into the snow regardless of the fact that she has acclimated to the heat and hasn’t even seen frost in 16 years. She is going to bury herself in ice and need to be dragged from it. 

That won’t just because she won’t want to leave, it will be because she will have grown too numb to pull herself out. She doesn’t care how childish it is, after they get Sokka, Azula, and Suki to the healers, she is going to build a snowman and throw snowballs at Bato. She doesn’t care if she’s mocked for it for the rest of her life. She wants to play in the snow and as a grown ass woman, who is going to stop her? Sure as fuck not Bato. 

“Kya, are you alright? You look like a polar bear dog who’s person just came home after a long trip. Don’t piss yourself with excitement.” Bato jokes, walking up beside her. 

Kya responds to that with a hard punch to his arm. “Fuck off, Bato, I haven’t seen now in 16 years. You’re going to be my first, and possibly only, victim of who I throw large chunks of snow at. When I say only I don’t mean that I’m going to throw one snowball at you and be done, I mean I am going to repetitively seek you out and throw snowballs at you. After we get the kids to the healers and situated first, of course.” 

“I’m glad I know where we stand.” Bato grumbles before Kya presses a kiss to his cheek, smiling at him.

“Mom, other dad, can you not do that right in front of me? I don’t need psychological scarring from this as well.” She hears Sokka mumble weakly, propping himself up a little. 

Kya flips him off. “Don’t be so dramatic, Sokka, I have been unfortunate enough to see Suki sucking on your neck. Don’t come at me with a ‘you should have knocked, mom’ you were doing that in the hallway. I’m also always hearing you and Zuko call each other ridiculously sappy pet names. So fuck off, Sokka, you’ll be fine.”

She hears Sokka chuckling a little to himself as he lays back down. Bato gives her an odd but fond look. He and Hakoda are still in a lot of shock at how much she had likely changed as a person. Kya had only realized how much she had changed when she was back with people she knew before. She had changed slowly over the course of 16 years, she had woken up every day a little different, too small to notice one day at a time. The others had seen the finished product at who she had become after all this time, the difference shocking. She could only tell when she noticed that her interactions with her family were different not only because of time apart but because she interacts with them differently. 

Suddenly, she feels the airship land and she races towards the door and bangs on it with delirious excitement. “Let me out! Let me oouuuut!” The capitan gives her a very concerned look. “Um, Kya, ma’am, with all due respect, what the fuck? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, just let me out, I haven’t seen snow in 16 years. It’s gonna be like home. Let me out, let me out, come one.” The capitan begins to let down the door that would soon become a ramp. Kya is beginning to understand why Bato had compared her to a polar bear dog. She is bouncing on the balls of her feet and breathing quickly so it almost sounds like she is panting with excitement.

The second that the door has been opened enough for her to begin her descent she begins hurrying down it. “Kya, wait!” She hears Bato yell after her. She sees a group of people in front of her, standing in a fighting position but she doesn’t even process that. “Ma’am, stand down  _ now _ !” She hears someone yell, it comes from an older man in the front with a bald spot on the top of his head, hair long and white around the sides. She completely ignores him. All she can think about is the thick snow only a few feet from her touch after so long. People standing in front of her that look like her with brown hair, blue eyes, and dark skin. Water Tribe people. 

A grin breaks out on her face moments before she feels something cold and kinda wet slam against her, throwing her over the side of the ramp. She lands in the snow burying her in its cold embrace. Much colder than she remembers, but something she has longed for for so long. She feels tears welling in her eyes as she tries to hug the snow. She really only succeeds in getting snow in her parka, but she doesn't care. She is in the Water Tribe, something that had long ago become a word she refused to let herself think let alone say. A word that brought aching to her heart. The word that is for a place she thought she would never be again.  _ Home.  _

She feels a hand grab her shoulder, forcing her to sit up on her knees opposed to laying face first in the snow. She grumbles in annoyance but doesn’t fight. It’s the older man who was at the front of the group of soldiers.  _ The group of waterbenders.  _

She looks up at him, grinning, not caring if she looked insane with tears rolling down her cheeks and a wild grin on her face. She sees someone else running up to the two of them, an older woman. “Pakku, who is it? She came here with Bato, do you recognize her from the village?” She hears the woman say, stopping next to the man. Next to Pakku. 

Kya studies the woman’s face for a moment before her face lights up, grinning at her mother in law. “Kanna! It’s been so long, It’s so good to see you again!” She yells, trying to jump up to hug her but Pakku pulls her back. Kanna studies her face for a long time, recognition slowly growing on her face before tears form in her eyes and she falls to her knees, resting a hand on Kya’s shoulder. “Kya?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to a social distancing party at a friend from church's house with our church group. The reason I finally watched avatar was because literally all of them watched it when they were kids, or watched it when it came out in August and I had no idea what they were talking about so I did as well and absolutely loved it (clearly). I accidentally started an argument on whether or not Firebenders are plants. I think that they are and my other two biology buddies agree. Firebenders are plants. Also one of them chimed in to say that uncle Iroh is the father heart of God, felt like y'all needed to know that.
> 
> Also: Kya is a crackhead confirmed. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think:) Also, have I added a physical description of Jai/do you guys want one if I haven't. I genuinely can't remember and I'm illiterate so I haven't looked back to see if I have.
> 
> Edit: Also have I added a physical description of Iyasu/ do y'all want one. Unlike Jai, I actually have an idea about what she looks like. 
> 
> I ask these things because I know absolutely nothing, the only thing I know is that I'm named after a constellation that I can't find and absolutely nothing else.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to put other stuff in this but I just ended up really getting into writing about Kanna's traveling from the North to the South. It's the vibe. Also, young Kanna and current Kya have the same vibe but opposite energies. They would either save the world or burn it. No in between.   
> I also got overly excited about this chapter and wrote it all today. I did all of my homework yesterday and have somehow been dubbed 'one of the 5 smart people' in my organic chemistry groupme where we all help each other with homework. Little do they know, my answers will begin to be wrong and will no longer be able to explain it to people when things actually get more difficult lol.  
> Also, irrelevant to this at all, but I called my insurance company today and my car insurance goes down in march. Where will that money i'll be saving go? It'll stay in my bank because I have no money and will likely need it for school or car stuff later:( 
> 
> Being an adult is expensive and I don't like it. But it does mean that I can do dumb stuff. I'm also the person who is dubbed 'the good cook' in my church group, so I have somehow promised my closest friends in my church group that I will figure out how to make 5 flavor soup from avatar and make it as a base broth which I will then put noodles in because I want to when I move into my apartment and no longer in the dorms at the end of the upcoming summer. So that's the vibe.

Kanna had lived a long life and had seen many things that many would deem impossible. Some of the things she had seen she still thought of as impossible despite the fact that she had lived through these events. She had traveled the world, met many people, and experienced many things. This however, was not something that she thought was possible by any means. A dead woman returned to the land of the living. 

Kanna had left the Northern Water Tribe a few weeks after she had turned 16. She was engaged to Pakku on the evening of her 16th birthday. It was a marriage she didn’t want but was expected to partake in by her family and her tribe. She was smart enough to know that those who were compliant are less likely to be watched. Less likely to be controlled. Those who are compliant don’t need to be reminded what their place is. Don’t need to be kept in it by force. Extra energy isn’t needed on the well behaved women of the tribe. 

It is expected for the rebellious to lash out and make change. They are watched, controlled, shut down before they can begin, it is harder for them to push the bounds on what is expected. A young woman who accepts a proposal and goes about her daily life in a way that is expected for an engaged woman to do is not followed, is not controlled. She is believed when she claims that she wants to be alone away from the village to pray to the spirits to show her how to best do her duty as a married woman not only to her husband but to her tribe. When she continues to do this only after completing chores and comes back when she is told to, no one suspects that she is slowly storing food and supplies on a boat she had found and repaired. No one checks why she may have a bag over her shoulder, or asks why she may have a weapon. They believe her when she says that it is only in the unlikely chance that she may need it. You never want to be caught in a snowstorm unprepared. Everyone knew that.

Those who appear compliant are allowed more freedom. Women who keep their heads down, their mouths shut, and do their duties without complaint are the ones who are granted more freedom than the ones who speak up about the unfairness of it. Women who show no resistance to their engagement are not pushed forward into a hasty marriage and watched closely. Those who prepare for it with either excitement or no complaint are not suspected of rebellion or desertion.

She never hated Pakku, but when he was a 17 year old boy, she could never see herself loving him or learning to be happy. He was arrogant, misogynist and rude. He’s still pretty misogynistic, but after Katara beat him, he has humbled a little. It’s good for him. He’s become a better man, one she could love. One she could be happy with in her old age.

When she was first engaged to him, she could never see herself being happy. She could never see herself as becoming anything but angry or dead inside as the years came. Two days before their marriage, she had requested that she go out of the village and connect with the spirits for longer than normal. She claimed she wanted them to bless their union. They were going to be married during the dark part of the year. It’s harder to sea a boat on the water during that time, she counted herself lucky. 

That night, she went to her cave where she stored everything she could get in her boat. It would be risky leaving the North Pole in nothing but this, but it would be better than the fate she would sentence herself to. Once she was sure the village was asleep, she set sail. She had cried as the lights of the village disappeared from her sight. She couldn’t properly say goodbye to her parents, her siblings, her fiends. They would know that she was escaping, she would be held back. She couldn’t risk leaving a letter in a tribe full of waterbenders. They would catch up to her and bring her back. She would never be let out of their sight again. She would be known to be rebellious. She would never be free.

She had thought that she was going to die out there after over a week of making her way through the icy waters. On her 9th night at sea, she saw light in the distance. Late in the afternoon of her next day, she landed on the shores of the Earth Kingdom. She had fallen to her knees on the ground and cried, kissing it gently. She thought that she had been brought to a haven by Tui and La, thanking them for their mercy. It looked somewhat like the Spirit Oasis that they had in the North Pole. She learned later that most of the land in the world was covered in grass.

She had sat on the shore for about an hour, crying and confused. A woman by the name of Sha Ho who she would always be thankful for, found her and brought her back to her home that overlooked the sea. She was an elderly woman who lived alone and provided food for herself with a garden that she grew around her house. It was the first time that Kanna had ever seen a woman living alone in a home with no man. She had never married, but had lived with a female companion who she was unable to form a legal union with most of her life who had since passed. 

In exchange for a week’s labor of gardening, cleaning, and cooking, her boat that she no longer needed and her journey, Sha Ho had given Kanna her ostrich-horse that she could no longer ride due to age. Sha Ho had also shown and given Kanna a map of the world. She had suggested that Kanna keep her boat and travel through the rivers to the South Pole. Kanna had said that she would love to travel by land. At that point she was young, unmarried, and didn’t have children. She would only have so many opportunities for travel in her life.

She had bid Sha Ho goodbye eight days after her arrival. She would spend the next three years of her life slowly traveling across the Earth Kingdom, meeting new people, trying new foods and living her life as whoever she wanted to be. She went by many names during that time, but mostly stuck to her true one. She would find odd jobs when she needed money, she taught herself how to hunt by using what she had watched the men of her tribe do. She also stole from people she ran into and decided that she hated. 

She had spent a few months in the city of Omashu, the city built by the first earthbenders. This was a little less than two years into her journey, at that point she had grown bolder. More independant. Less wary of her actions and less scared of the consequences they may bear. She had met the king of the city, a young man by the name of Bumi. They had built a friendship of sorts and he had allowed her to stay in the palace, his only request was that she would eat with him every evening.

They had met because she had entered the city under false pretenses by an alias she created off the top of her head, Bana of Onatu. She claimed that she was visiting her grandmother and would leave the city in a few days time. She was believed and allowed into the city. It was unlike anything she had ever seen before. She had been to other Earth Kingdom cities, but never to one like this. 

She found that once she was dressed in Earth Kingdom clothes, it was much easier to steal from the city. She could easily find cruel vendors who yelled at their workers if not worse. She would steal from them. It was only on her second day in Omashu that she was caught and brought to the king. She remembered that he was probably in his mid twenties, only a handful of years older than herself and he was already ruling a kingdom. 

When she was brought to him, he had asked everyone besiders her to leave the room. She knew that he was an earthbender, an earthbender would always rule Omashu, that was about it. She knew that her, an untrained nonbender, couldn't defeat a trained earthbender. She didn’t try and fight him, the most that could do was make her situation worse. However, Kanna had never been a coward, she had traveled the world on her own and been fine for almost two year. She decided that if that was the day she was going to die she would do so on her feet looking into the eyes of her killer.

She had faced the unknown earthbender, feet shoulder width apart, shoulders squared, head up, and eyes level. She hadn’t given anything away in terms of her fear at what the man could do to her. She had spoken loudly with an unwavering voice before the king had a chance to say anything to her. She would not be remembered as the terrified young woman by the last person to see her alive. She would be remembered as Kanna of the Water Tribe who wouldn’t bow to anyone's demand of her. “I am Kanna of the Northern Water Tribe. I left behind an arranged marriage and a culture that would treat me as nothing more than a second class citizen. I am traveling on foot to our sister tribe in the south to forge my own life in the tundras that I know. If you wish to strike me down, do so and show everyone how ruthless and power hungry you are and your willingness to strike down a lone nonbender in unfamiliar territory. If you wish to throw me out of your city, I’ll walk from here and never return. I have no apologies or regrets for what I did today, I was simply trying to feed myself at the expense of a man who had struck a young boy. Do what you wish but do it now, I have very little patience for indecision.” 

She was lucky that king Bumi was…unorthodox to say the least. She had grown very bold in her travels, perhaps too bold. However, that is what she had said to the man who had held her life in his hands. The one who could have killed her, imprisoned her, or freed her. Most of her expected him to send a stalagmite through her heart, part of her almost wanted him to. She still isn’t sure what part of her that was and why.

Opposed to doing anything to hurt her, he had thrown his head back in laughter. He invited her to dinner and they had talked. She told him about her travels and the people that she met. He allowed her to stay in the palace for as long as she wanted, he claimed he liked her company. For the first two weeks, every night after dinner, she had expected him to suggest or demand…fornocation. However, she quickly learned he had no interest in her for any carnal reason. If he did, he also genuinely had personal interest in her. He simply found her fascinating. He wanted to know more about her, learn what made her into the person that she is. He was especially interested in her fearless manner of speaking to him in their first interaction. Her fearlessness in braving the arctic oceans by herself in nothing but a rowboat as a nonbender. Her fearlessness in traveling the Earth Kingdom on her own with nothing but information she had asked passing strangers and an old map that Sha Ho had given her which at that point had begun to fall apart. 

After staying with him for 5 months, she said that she must be going. He had told her that as long as he was king of Omashu, she would always have a place to rest her head and a friend in him. She had left him with an embrace, a kiss, and a promise to return if she found nothing but what she had left behind in the north in the south as well. Bumi had left her with a camelephant, money, traveling clothes, and enough food to last her a month. Where the camelephant was slower than the ostrich-horse she had once traveled on, no one even considered fucking with her while riding it. She had eventually parted with it when she found a people who would treat it well in exchange for a larger boat than she had crossed the arctic with, but still small. 

She had stopped at the Southern Air temple for about two weeks. She had explored the ruins and eaten from the overgrown gardens and orchards. She had considered staying there longer, but a howling wind had cried through the ruins. It cried for the empty rooms that the inhabitants had been mercilessly slaughtered in for the crime of the next avatar being born into it. It cried for the bender who had once tamed it, now left to fight on its own in the cold, unforgiving world. It had cried for her to leave the place that she was trespassing in, a graveyard she was making her home. 

That night, she had apologized to the spirits for overstaying her welcome. She apologized if she had done anything to offend the inhabitants. She promised that as soon as she was granted favorable weather, she would leave and never return. Two days later, the skies were clear and she had left, not even turning to give the air temple one last look. It was an abandoned graveyard that should be mourned. Not inhabited by those who knew nothing of the culture of those who once lived there in peace.

When she had finally reached her destination, the Southern Water Tribe, astounded with what she found. She found that women were still not as valued as men in the Southern Water Tribe, but they were allowed to learn waterbending not just as healing, but as a martial art. Kanna was 19 when she finally reached the Southern Water Tribe. She was a stranger to everyone there. 

On her first evening there, a woman two years older than her by the name of Hamma brought her back to her igloo that she shared with her husband, Barrok. They were both waterbenders and would be taken only a few years later. She told them about how she was from the Northern Water Tribe, how and why she has left, and what she hoped to find in the south. They were both very friendly people and introduced her to their friends and family. 

They helped her build a home of her own. She had never felt so alive that first night. She was back in the tundras, back with a people and culture that was familiar to her, but had a home of her own. She was an unmarried woman who had a place that she could call her own. She wasn’t required to marry to keep it, she would only marry if she chose to do so, and she did. His name was Sotuk. He was unfortunately a waterbender and was taken a few years later, a few months before Hakoda was even born. 

Neither Sotuk, nor Hamma, her best friend, ever got a chance to meet her beautiful baby boy. Her son who would grow up to marry Kya, a woman who is supposed to be dead. Who was taken while trying to protect her daughter who is a waterbender. Her son who would have children who would change the fate of the world. She is still so proud of Katara for challenging Pakku. 

Kanna had seen many things in her life, those three years were the most interesting part of her life and she is grateful that she was able to live them while young. She has seen many things that she can’t explain. She has seen many things she still doesn’t understand.  _ This  _ is something that triumphs over everything else that she has ever seen. 

The last time that Kanna had seen her daughter in law was when she was grabbed by one of the soldiers and dragged away on that awful day. Her figure blurred from view from tears, smoke, and other Fire Nation soldiers making a wall with their bending, bodies, and weapons between the rest of the tribe and Kya. She had watched the ship sail away and had prayed to Tui and La that Kya would be killed soon. She didn’t wish death upon Kya out of spite, but she wished it in a way that there are fates worse than death. She didn’t want to think of the reserved and caring woman who loved her son and grandchildren dearly. Who made sure that they were cared for and happy. Who brought so much warmth to the village even on nights when the cold ripped through clothing no matter how many layers being harmed in unthinkable ways. 

She had considered Kya dead long ago. They had held a funeral for her, mourned her death and celebrated her life. Kya had died and she was never coming back. She had been gone for how many years? 16? 17? 

Yet, here she is, sitting in the snow, looking up at her with a child like joy in her eyes. Kya is here, in front of her. She is alive and well. She isn’t dead, she isn’t tortured, she isn’t a ghost. She is really here.

Kya begins to stand up slowly, shivering a little. She must have spent all of her time missing away from the poles. She isn’t used to the cold anymore. “Kanna, it’s been so long. How have you been? It’s so good to be home. Well, not home, but in the snow. I’m going to eat snow and shove more down Bato’s parka because he’s being a little bitch. Oh, also, we have three people on the airship who are not doing well. Sokka, Suki, and Azula, the sitting Fire Lord. She’s cool, she’s my daughter now, not that Katara isn’t, just Azula is as well. Don’t fight me on this. Also we have a lot of shit we would be willing to pay you guys with for being willing to help them as I’m sure there may be reservations. I can assure you none of them will hurt you. I’ll fight them if they do.” 

Kya says this all very fast while making dead, unblinking eye contact. She had never heard Kya swear before or sound like…that. She sounds authoritative but also just crazy. Kanna sees Bato smack his forehead, shaking his head and just looking exhausted. He wasn’t surprised by Kya's actions though. This must be normal now, Kya is just crazy now.

She looks over at Bato and is about to ask if Hakoda is there when she feels Kya wrap her in a tight hug. “It’s so good to see you again, this is amazing!” She practically yells before letting go and wrapping her arms around Pakku who just looks surprised and deeply confused. “It’s nice to meet you, you and Kanna close?” However before he can answer, Kya just lets go, packs snow together and chucks it at Bato, it landing square in his face. 

Kanna has absolutely no idea how to approach the woman she once knew so well. Bato begins to walk towards them, but before he can reach them, Aang sprints out of the airship, jumping and landing near Kanna and Pakku. He bows to both of them quickly before looking up at the.

“I’m sorry, Kya has been in the Fire Nation for the past 16 years and has missed the poles. She also was in isolation for most of it and has kind of forgotten about social etiquette. She’s just really excited and overwhelmed but she means well. We came to ask for your help. We’ll be willing to explain everything in detail at a later time, even later today, we just need help now. Zuko was abducted and severely tortured into insanity for four months. The group that had abducted him threatened to come back and do more harm. Azula lured them all to the palace and we fought and killed them so they couldn’t hurt Zuko or anyone else ever again. Katara and the rest of the Fire Nation healers are doing their best to heal everyone else. We had three people that were severely injured and may not survive without the help of waterbending healers. It’s Sokka, your grandson, Suki of the Kyoshi warriors, and Fire Lord Azula. I know you may have a lot of reservations about helping Azula, but we would be in a lot worse shape right now if it wasn’t for her. She’s a very different person than she was during the war. You can restrain her if you feel like that is necessary, but please help. We’ll give the Northern Water Tribe anything that you want in return for your aid. We have money, preserved foods that can’t be found here, clothes, and Azula would be willing to make any deal between the Fire Nation and Water Tribe in terms of trade or ambassadorship. Name it and it’s done. Please, help.”

There is desperation in his eyes.  _ What happened to Sokka? Is Katara alright? What about Hakoda?  _ “Get Sokka to see the healers, we’ll discuss everyone else. If anyone tries to stop my grandson from getting medical attention, they’ll have to get through Pakku. Pakku, if you don’t protect Sokka, we’re done. This will be the last time I ever speak to you.” She turns, looking Pakku in the eyes. He nods once, understanding the fact that she is deadly serious. She left him and everything else before for much less of a reason, she would do it again.

Kanna turns to look at Arnook, who nods once. “Take Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe and Suki of the Earth Kingdom to the healers. Bato, Aang, I will need to speak to Fire Lord Azula before I will even consider allowing her into the Northern Water Tribe. She will be restrained no matter what.”

Kya glares at him, Kanna has no idea if she knows how to fight now and if not how well. She would have to talk with her to find out what had happened to her these past 16 years. “Azula is unconscious. She has a severe concussion at least if not worse. Katara said there is likely internal bleeding but due to the amount of people injured, she wasn’t able to spend much time with Azula. I will take your refusal to help Azula as personally as if you were to refuse to help my son, Sokka. She means no ill will to anyone on the Northern Water Tribe. If you restrain her while healing her, she won’t be able to attack immediately. Firebenders also need time to acclimate to the cold, more so than most people, she won’t be able to bend properly until she regulatres her temperature. I can assure you that if you refuse to help, and she dies, Zuko, my future son in law, Sokka’s and Suki’s fiance, will kill himself. Azula has been the person who has helped him recover from what was done to him, he will blame himself for her death as she was protecting him. Iroh will have lost three children, and he will be the one assuming the throne if they both die. I can assure you that he will take that very personally.” Kya growls, her whole demeanor changing as she walks towards Arnook. Fire in her eyes and an armor of ice around her body. She may not be a bender but she looks absolutely terrifying. She somewhat reminds Kanna of who she used to be.

Bato grabs Kya’s arm. “Kya, threats are not what we need to be doing here, we’re negotiating, we’re asking fo–”

“I am negotiating, Bato. If Azula attacks, I will personally pay the price in my own blood. I put my life in her hands and I am asking you to take her’s in yours. Please, help her.” Kanna isn’t sure if Kya is begging or demanding with that last statement. 

Arnook and Kya stare at each other for a long time. A dead woman standing up to the chief of a people whose mercy they are at. 

Arnook slowly exhales through his nose. “Take Fire Lord Azula to the healers as well. Chain her hands and feet, do not underestimate her strength. She comes in chains, she goes in chains. That is the only way she will receive medical help.” Kya and Bato nod.

Soldiers walk into the airship, retrieving the three wounded. Sokka is the only one who is conscious and even he looks bad. It will take all of the healers skills to save them. 

Kanna turns to Kya who is now catching snowflakes on her tongue like an 8 year old who hadn’t just threatened the chief of the Northern Water Tribe with violence from the Fire Nation. “Kya, what happened to you where have you been?”

Kya grins. “Let's go somewhere a little warmer, like inside. I’ll tell you everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I didn't know that Kanna and Bumi had a thing until I wrote that into this chapter either. I know absolutely nothing and just start writing and this is what happens. Who allowed me to be literate? Satan, to spite God. That is the answer.   
> Also, yes, Kanna and Bumi did kind of have a thing and if she thought that the Southern Water Tribes's vibes were rancid, she would have gone back to Omashu to be with Bumi's absolutely feral vibes.
> 
> I hope you like my shitpost chapter:)


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drove back up to my school yesterday and now my car has the check engine light on. Hopefully that just…goes away. Hopefully it is just from hauling a bunch of stuff in an old ass Prius up a mountain. I don't want to have to take it in.
> 
> Also: How do Saturday updates sound to Y'all? I was thinking updating this fic on Saturdays and the other on Wednesday. I know I said something about not making an update schedule, but what am I? You got it: full of shit. That's what I am, I'm not proud of it but I won't lie to you about it either. 
> 
> We get some Hakoda just trying to be a good dad for a bit on this chapter and Kya aggressively being a good mom to their respective fire children.

Zuko had been feeling better for a little bit, but then his mood dipped back down again as fears began filling his chest so much he felt as though his ribs would break from the pressure. It had helped to be around Hakoda and then have a very long session with Iyasu. It had helped to try and ease his mind back into more comfortable memories when he was safe. Memories where Hakoda not only taught Zuko skills that he would use sporadically throughout his life but that uncle wasn’t the exception. 

Zuko had known that most people found Iroh to be odd. A powerful general, firstborn son of the Fire Lord and then brother to him, and the Dragon of the West was also a man who loved tea, pai sho, a good meal, and friendly company. Iroh has also always been strangely caring and accepting of others not just for his own gain for someone of his position. Zuko had been raised by a cruel man who hurt him and others unapologetically until Zuko learned to hurt himself as it tore at his heart less and dissuaded father from hurting him more when Zuko understood he had to be punished. Zuko had met plenty of other cruel people in his life. The cruelest were leaders and parents. They had to lead a strong army and raise strong children. Zuko’s father was both. Iroh was also both, but he had always been an enigma. Zuko had always just assumed that Iroh was the exception to that. 

Zuko didn’t know much about how Iroh had raised Lu Ten. He doesn’t think he ever knew much and even if he did, he doesn’t remember now. He wants his memories back, all of the little ones that form his relationships with the people who have been so kind to him. It could be possible that Iroh only stopped being a cruel father and leader when he discovered that cruelty doesn’t alter the flesh. No matter how strong and brave his son was, he had been killed in battle under Iroh’s command. It’s entirely possible Iroh loved Zuko so that the same thing couldn’t happen to him.

Either way, uncle had been the exception in Zuko’s mind. If there were others, they would be few and far between. The only reason that Iroh wouldn’t have been cut down due to his kind heart was that he was royalty.

Zuko had been absolutely terrified of Hakoda when they had first met. He hadn’t been able to think too much about it when he and Sokka were breaking him out of prison and Zuko was focused on just getting them all out of prison. Not on what Hakoda might do to him once the adrenaline wore off. 

He had been torn between hiding anywhere that he could from the man or protecting Sokka and Katara from him. Zuko couldn’t exactly attack Hakoda as he hadn’t actually  _ done  _ anything. He assumed that Sokka and Katara were still in the stage where they thought that everything their father had done to them was justified, a stage Zuko had been in for a lot of his life and had fully gotten out of not long before he had met Hakoda. He had been doubting his father’s methods for a long time, but was never able to admit it until the day of black sun.

Zuko was so scared that Sokka and Katara’s world was going to crumble, maybe even splitting them apart when one realized it and the other didn’t. Zuko couldn’t attack the man for doing something he couldn’t prove just something that he  _ knew.  _ It would only succeed in making the others think he was the enemy again. He couldn’t preemptively protect anyone. They would have to suffer. It would be Zuko’s fault for ever thinking that his father could ever love him after everything. It would be Zuko’s fault for not joining team Avatar so much earlier when he had so many chances. He could have proved himself and then protected the others from Hakoda.

Whenever he wasn’t doing something he had to, Zuko would stay at the edge of camp, keeping Hakoda in his line of vision, ready to attack him. He was constantly expecting Hakoda to lash out at Sokka with his fist for excitedly rambling about their adventures. Zuko wanted to beg Sokka to stop talking and clamp his hand over Sokka’s mouth, telling him to not anger Hakoda. Begging Sokka to protect himself. It made him feel sick, making it so Zuko could barely ever eat at the air temple. Katara just glared at him the entire time, seeming pleased that Zuko was starving himself. They both knew he deserved it. 

He would later learn after Sokka and Suki started dating that the cruelest thing Hakoda had ever intentionally done to either one of his children was snatch a piece of seal jerky from Sokka’s hand and eat it when they both knew there was none left. Sokka had still been angry about it and complained, Hakoda would only reply with how good that particular piece of jerky was and how he regretted nothing. Bato would just hold his hands in his head and grumble about how he regretted everything. Zuko had, unfortunately, started crying, unsure how to react to the fact that his own father had been the enigma. That there were plenty of kind and loving fathers in the world who wanted nothing but the best for their children and did what they could.

He remembered how scared he was when Sokka told Zuko and Suki that the three of them had been together long enough for it to make sense for Sokka to tell his father about their relationship. They were going to tell Hakoda when he came to the Fire Nation next. Zuko had been filled with dread for days, but Suki and Sokka seemed excited so he had kept his mouth closed. He had been so scared that he was going to cost Sokka his father. He was going to make it so Hakoda was repulsed with Sokka for choosing to be with a Fire Nation man after being at war for so long. The Fire Lord at that.

When Sokka had decided to tell Hakoda this, Zuko had become too physically ill to go. He wasn’t faking it but it was from anxiety. He had told Sokka and Suki to go and Zuko had just stayed in his room, sobbing and vomiting. He had been convinced that the goodbyes they had shared were for good, that Hakoda was going to demand that Sokka had to choose Zuko or his family. He knew who Sokka would choose. Zuko wasn’t worth losing family for.

Two days after, Hakoda had approached Zuko and he couldn’t stop trembling, expecting to be struck any moment with anger. Hakoda had instead just calmly asked Zuko why he thought he was good enough for his son. The details are still blurry no matter how hard Zuko tried to focus, but he remembers falling to his knees and sobbing, begging to be allowed at least a few more days with Sokka to say goodbye. That he loved him and would do anything just to properly say goodbye. He remembers Hakoda holding him, trying to calm him down and Zuko being unconsolable, crying himself into unconsciousness. 

After that, Hakoda had made an effort to spend time with Zuko. He remembers so many different things he taught Zuko. Hakoda would gently guide his hands or instruct him with his words. He would show him again or simply tell him to be more careful if Zuko messed up. Zuko had never once felt Hakoda’s hand come down hard on him for anything, no matter what Zuko did. 

Despite all of the memories that are slowly coming back of the man, Zuko can’t help but think that is all going to end. He is going to lose the connection with one of the kindest people he knows. Zuko may very well be the reason for the death of the love of his life, Hakoda’s son. Hakoda would mourn, but soon take his heartbreak out on Zuko. The person responsible for the death of his son. The same would happen with Katara, Bato, Kya, and Suki, if she survives. The rest of them may do that as well. Sokka is well loved and Zuko has become nothing but a burden who had to be cared for and protected even from himself. Now he may get Suki, Sokka, or Azula killed. 

He had tried to keep himself quiet for the past several hours. Hakoda is sitting in the chair near his bed, reading quietly. Zuko covers his mouth with his hand, trying his best to stifle sobs as he feels Sokka’s precious body grow cold in his arms, watching the light drain from his beautiful blue eyes and roll back into his head. Feeling his breaths come to a stop, the gently humming no longer vibrating through his body. He sees the people around him who he once really knew and who once loved him move forward in anger. Move forward for vengeance.

Zuko feels a hand on his arm and he yelps, looking at Hakoda through his tear filled eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s alright, son. What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need something?” He asks, looking so concerned. Zuko just cries harder.  _ You shouldn’t be kind. I’ve killed your son. He’s going to die and it’s my fault. Don’t be kind. I don’t deserve it. Hurt me, please hurt me. I need to feel something else. Father may have been cruel but he was right about what I deserve and need. It’s pain.  _

Hakoda sits down on the bed and pulls Zuko into his lap, rocking him gently in his arms. “Hey, Zuko, it’s alright, I’ve got you. No one is going to hurt you anymore, you’re safe now. What’s wrong?”

There are so many things that Zuko wants to say and wants to avoid saying. He doesn’t mean to speak, but he does. “Y-you’re going to hurt me!” he cries, trembling violently, leaning closer into Hakoda’s chest, seeking comfort he doesn’t deserve. 

He hears Hakoda quietly shushing him, rubbing his back gently. “I will never hurt you, Zuko. You’ve been through so much, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you ever again, let alone be the perpetrator. Why would you think that I would hurt you? Is it something I did? Tell me and I’ll never do it again, I promise.” 

_ You don’t deserve them. You never have, you certainly don’t now. You never can. You have nothing to offer, nothing to give. You can only bring pain and suffering to them. They should just get rid of you. You’re a disease. You’re going to get everyone here killed. Don’t make them suffer for your life.  _ Zuko just whimpers, shaking his head, not wanting to hear father ever again but still craving his voice and touch. Things were so much simpler with father when all he could feel was pain, overwhelming pleasure to the point it hurt more than anything else did, exhaustion, and hunger. The only thing that he could think about was how much he wanted father. How much he wanted to hear father’s gentle, even voice, feel father’s hands running over his body, feel father inside of him. 

Everything is so complicated and Zuko can feel himself yearning for a life without father. Never having to think about him again. It terrifies him. Zuko can’t go back to the life he had before, he has to have a life  _ after  _ what has been done to him. Zuko doesn't think that he can do it.

He feels Hakoda laying down on the bed, resting Zuko’s head on top of his chest, still rubbing his back in small circles. “I don’t know how much you remember about when you, Sokka, and Suki started dating but I haven’t seen Sokka that ecstatic since he was a little kid. I’m honestly surprised I didn’t have to bundle him up tightly in skins to keep him still and get him to sleep like I used to. He always really loved Suki, but she really didn’t think their relationship was complete until you joined. He loves you, Zuko. You didn’t make anyone do anything, we made the choice to fight the New Ozai Society without your input. Sokka, Suki, and Azula all knew what they were getting themselves into. They all wanted to do it. You didn’t make them. I know that if the situation was reversed, you would have done the same for any of them as well. Am I on the right track about what you're upset about?” 

The vibrations in Hakoda’s chest feel so much like Sokka’s, he closes his eyes, trying to imagine that Sokka is the one under him. Trying to imagine that Sokka is here, holding him, where he is safe and uninjured. Zuko nods, whimpering again. “S-sokka.”

“Hey, Zuko, it’s alright. We both know Sokka is far too stubborn to die. When he was making your betrothal necklace, he went through Tui and La knows how many stones and spent months on it. He refused to let anyone just do it for him. The only help he would accept was a thick leather glove from me so he would stop cutting himself and Katara healing his hand. He was even reluctant to do that. Suki smacked him upside the head several times and knocked some sense into that boy. He does dumbass shit like that every single day for no reason. Both me and Kya are stubborn people, and our kids got it from both of us. Katara is persistent and Sokka is hardheaded. No one can make that boy do something he doesn’t want to do. No one can stop Katara from doing something she has set her mind on. I’m sure you have plenty of experience with that. Sokka doesn’t want to die like this, so he simply won’t.” Hakoda says evenly. He almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself more than Zuko.

“I don’t think that I can live with myself if anyone dies. I can’t lose any of them, Hakoda. If I’ve killed any of them, please do what’s merciful. It’ll be what’s best for everyone.” He grips onto Hakoda’s robes gently with both fists, crying harder. 

“No, Zuko. If Sokka were to die, which he won’t, I couldn’t lose another son. I love you, Zuko. We wouldn’t have helped you if we didn’t want to, if we didn’t love you, if we didn’t want to see you start to recover. We all knew what may happen. We’re all going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.” Zuko just grips Hakoda’s clothes tighter, not able to lose him too. 

_ Why did father hate me so much? Why did he want me to suffer so severely? Why did he take so much pleasure in breaking me? How could he want to break me so badly and enjoy every moment of it? What he did to me, it wasn’t just to get his power back, it was personal. He wanted me to suffer in a way that I never had before. He didn’t see me as his son, he didn’t even see me as a person. Just a thing to claim. He certainly couldn’t have seen me as family by taking so much pleasure from my body. What did I ever do to make him hate me so much? Why did I have to be born? Why didn’t he throw me over the palace walls? It wouldn’t have been as bad. I would have been safer, happier. Everyone would have. Why couldn’t he have just bound me in a cell and left me there when he abducted me? Why did he have to break me so horribly, so methodically. Why? _

“Wh-what d-did I-I d-do to d-deserve th-this? What did I d-do? I kn-know I’ve made mi-mistakes…but th-this is too mu-much. Wh-what did I do?” He sobs, barely aware that he is talking aloud. He feels Hakoda pulling him close again, kissing his shoulder gently.

“You did nothing to deserve this. Your father was a cruel, sick, twisted man. Do you remember Jae? The man who came into Sokka’s room and tried to get you and Sokka out of the palace?”

Zuko nods, shivering a little. He hates to think what could have happened if that man had gotten to them. What he wanted to do to them. How badly he would have hurt Sokka and Zuko if he got his hands on them.

“Well, he didn’t know what was truly being done to you. Very few people did. He thought you were just kinda, locked up and unhappy. Not being tortured like you were. He gave us the names and locations of Ozai’s underground leaders. They’re the people who identified how to get guards supporting your father into rotation, how to get the maid into drug you, who the most radical and violent members of the terrorist organization were. Some of them didn’t come to meet Azula, they already have their positions and like to work independently. Jae was one of the leaders of the New Ozai Society and that’s why he knew any of this. Your uncle and an elite team are going out to take care of them now. There aren't many left. There are six. My point is, most of the members of the fucking New Ozai fuckers didn’t think you deserved that. Your father is simply beyond cruel. No one deserves what happened to you, e-”

“It didn’t  _ happen  _ to me, it was  _ done  _ to me.” Zuko growls, moving off of Hakoda and laying back down on the bed, unsure where the anger came from. “My father has hated me from the day I was born. He wanted to kill me then, I’m not just making it up now, ask Azula and uncle if I don’t end up being the reason that they die.” His voice is shakey, but he is somehow able to talk without stuttering or sobbing, it’s honestly surprising. “Father went out of his way to fucking destory me because he wanted to. He felt like it’s what I deserved and I don’t know why. Maybe he was right and I did deserve it because it seems to be a common theme in my life that people just do shit like this to me. My own father fucking drugged and raped me repetedly and let 12 others do the same amoung other horrible things and contitioned me to fucking look forward to being raped because it meant I didn’t have to stand anymore. Everything was fucking intentional and took effort. Don’t fucking tell me it  _ happened  _ to me or that this wasn’t something I brought on. I guess there's just something about me that makes doing shit like this to me okay. Just fuck off.” He whimpers, crying into the sheets.

He feels Hakoda’s hand press against his arm and Zuko shoves it. “I said fuck off. You want to fuck me too or something? You wanna see if there is something about me that makes it okay? I can’t walk, fight, or bend, it would be easy to overpower me. You want a fucking turn, see what your son, who I may have killed, saw in me? Leave me alone.” 

He knows that Hakoda would never touch him like that, not only because it would destroy his relationship with his son but because Hakoda is compassionate. He has been so careful with how he approached and touched Zuko. Always gentle and never made him feel trapped or controlled. Hakoda isn’t a rapist. He says that because he knows that saying shit like that always cuts deep enough into people's hearts and makes them feel guilty about touching him in any way. If he just breaks down crying, they’ll try and hold him and comfort him. If he screams, they’ll rub his back and try and calm him down. If he goes into one of his fits, they’yed drug him, or worse, strap him down. If he asks them if they’re going to fuck him, all hands dissapear and they back away. It hasn’t failed once. 

He feels the weight from Hakoda’s body leave the bed and he hears him sit back in the chair on the other side of the room, pages rustling. No matter how much he screamed and threw things, he knew Hakoda wouldn’t leave. He had left once when he didn’t know, when Zuko had actually wanted him there, and he would never do it again. Even if Zuko got Hakoda to leave the room, Zuko would regret it in a matter of seconds. He would just be left on the bed sobbing at his own stupidity. Too ashamed and humiliated to scream and beg the man to come back.

_ Doing shit like this won’t just drive them away in the moment, it will drive them away forever.  _ Zuko is well aware of this, but he doesn’t care. He can only force himself to live in the present. He has fears about the future, but his only thoughts on it are not wanting to live to see it. The moment that he drives the people he needs away for good, his future won’t matter anymore. He’ll have none. Zuko will make sure of it, and no one will be there to stop him.

  
  


Kya refused to leave Azula’s side for even a moment. It wasn’t because she wasn’t worried about the recovery of the guards, Suki, and especially Sokka. It was because she was worried that the healers would refuse to help Azula, or worse, someone would do something to hurt her. Bato made sure to stay by Sokka and Suki. Kya would love to be near her boy, but the soldiers had insisted that Azula be brought somewhere more secure. Also, everyone was far more wary of Kya than of Bato. Everything that Kanna had once known about her, other than she was fiercely loyal to her loved ones, was gone. She spent time in the Fire Nation where no one fully knew what she had done or what had happened. She is a resurrected dead woman of 16 years. People don’t know how to act around her and no one is going to hurt her sweet girl.

There were many things in her life that had happened that she never would have thought she would have ever dreamed of doing. Referring to the Fire Lord as ‘her sweet girl’ was certainly one of them. She also didn’t expect to befriend the Dragon of the West or anything that she had done since being found. She doesn’t think too much about it, she has bigger problems, such as how much snow she should shove down Bato’s parka and when. Also Pakku’s, right before she leaves of course. Kya hadn’t known him for long and decided that she didn’t like him and he needed to lighten up.

She hates that Azula has to be chained, but it was the only way that she was going to receive any help. Kya had watched closely as Azula was chained. She had made sure Azula was wearing thick gloves and had thick clothing around her wrists and ankles. Not only would the chains damage her skin due to the freezing temperatures, but chafe her wrists as well. Now, Kya is just resting Azula’s head in her lap, running her fingers through Azula’s thick, black hair. She just wants her to be alright, she wants her to wake up and to recover, to bring peace to the world. To get to live the life that she was denied by a cruel father.

The wall opens and Kya looks up, placing an arm protectively around Azula. Two healers and four guards walk in. “Kya, would you be so kind as to step out of the room? It may prove easier to help…the Fire Lord if you do.” One of the guards says. Kya growls at him like the polar bear dog Bato insists that she is and holds Azula closer. “You’re going to hurt her if I leave.”

One of the guards opens his stupid mouth to speak at Kya glares and hisses at him. She isn’t sure if everyone in the room is more scared or freaked out by her odd behavior. Kya doesn’t care, she just wants Azula to be alright. Fuck everyone else.

The first healer, a young woman, probably around 20 kneels beside Azula’s head. She is clearly the bolder of the two. She has long brown hair that is pulled back into a long, intricate braid with beads made of metal, painted ceramic, and ice woven into her hair. The ice decorations are a nice touch, they shimmer in the light every time she moves. She begins to focus on Azula's head, healing her with skill and diligence. The older woman moves forward and begins working on Azula’s torso, glancing at her face every so often with worry.

The younger woman looks up at her after several long, silent minutes. “Kya, she has a bad concussion. There is clotting beginning and if we don’t have her blood flowing properly in a few hours she will begin to suffer permanent brain damage. She already may have some. It will be likely that she won’t remember the events that lead up to the injury and about 24 hours prior to it. Also, for the next few weeks she may have difficulty remembering new information, have difficulty waking from sleep, being nauseous and even vomiting, and having a constant headache along with poor coordination. It will be completely normal for symptoms such as that to last for about a month for an injury like this, they should start lessening in severity in about 2 weeks. In the long run, if I am able to stay with her for the next several hours diligently, she should be fine. She may have permanent blurred vision in her periphery but that’s unlikely and if she does it won’t be severe.”

Kya nods, wiping away tears before they could fall. “Thank you for helping her. I know you have a lot of bad experience with the Fire Nation, I was very hesitant to trust any member of the royal family and was pretty pissed that my son was engaged to Fire Lord Zuko. I didn’t understand how my family had grown to trust them so intimately. It took time for me to warm up to any of them. I can assure you, neither Azula nor Zuko are like their predecessors. Iroh isn’t the man he used to be, and he isn’t anything like his brother. I can assure you, the Fire Nation is in different, kinder hands. I’m willing to put my life, my childrens’ lives, and my husband’s and his boyfriend’s who is also my boyfriend…not important, my family’s life in that trust.”

The woman raises an eyebrow but smiles at her, looking at Azula’s peaceful face briefly before looking back at Kya. “My name is Zohara.” The young woman says after a long silence, the older woman just looks nervous, continuing to work on Azula’s other injuries in silence. 

Kya smiles in response. “It’s nice to meet you, Zohara. I’m Kya.” The older woman just looks at them briefly, saying nothing. The guards do the same. Zohara is clearly the only one who isn’t deeply opposed to being here. 

Azula has burns, cuts, and likely fractures around her body. However, they are all minor and Kya could have treated them. The concerning part of her injuries is the head, it’s bad. She hadn’t seen what exactly had caused the injury, but it was definitely blunt force trauma.

Kya gently touches Azula’s cheek when she moans slightly, twitching her right hand. “Azula, sweetheart, can you hear me? You’re alright, you’re being healed. You’re in the North Pole.” She says softly, cupping her face without impeding Zohara’s access to Azula’s head.

“Mom?” Azula’s voice is hoarse and weak, eyelid fluttering a little. The older healer looks ready to run and two of the guards begin to get into position. Kya glares at them, flipping them off with her free hand. “It’s Kya, sweetie. I’ll be your mom if you want.” She says quietly, holding Azula’s gloved hand in her own, still gently cupping Azuls’s cheek with her other hand. “Mom.” Azula repeats quietly, still sounding distant. 

Kya smiles. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You’re safe, you’re going to be alright. You just need to be healed right now. I’m not going to go anywhere, I’ll be right here with you no matter what.” Azula groans again and mumbles something that sounds like a mix between ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’. Kya presses a kiss to Azula’s forehead, brushing hair out of her face. 

“You’re Kanna’s daughter in law who was taken by the Fire Nation almost twenty years ago, right?” Zohara asks after a long moment of silence. Kya nods, still looking at Azula intently as if that would wake her up. “Do you mind if I ask you some questions about what happened? Like, if it isn’t too traumatic or personal.”

Kya looks up at her again, grinning a little too widely. She had been trying to be more conscious about smiling like a ‘sane person.’ Bato had mentioned that they made her look a little hysterical, Kya had retaliated by telling him that she went crazy years ago. Hakoda had just pinched the bridge of his nose and refused to talk to either of them. “Kanna is going to bombard me with questions soon, likely, and considering the fact that she is family she has no respect for my privacy she’ll ask better questions. If you want more information without having to ask the questions yourself and make it so I don’t have to repeat myself, just stick around when she comes. She said she and Pakku would join me after Azula’s healing session. Her head is what’s most damaged anyways and you seem to be doing well and also to be the only person who wants to be here.” The guards and the other healer stay quiet, years ago Kya would have never dreamed of being so blunt, but years of captivity and isolation change a person.

“Bad spirit head problems and now bad blood head problems. Oooohh, I’m mentally ill.” Azula mumbles, eyes still closed but her words at least cohesive now, giggling a little. It’s good that she can also hear well enough and pay attention to the conversation and form a cohesive sentence. Well, somewhat cohesive. It means she’s healing. 

Unfortunately, Kya can’t help but to laugh at the comment. “Azula, what did we talk about in terms of making jokes about your mental health?”

“No. My head is fucked. Imma use that as an excuse for the next however long until I feel better. Get fucked, Kya.” She mumbles, smiling a little, eyes still closed. 

Kya squeezes Azula's chained hand tight. She had told Azula to not make jokes about mental health that would make Kya laugh in front of others. The two of them had started using humor to avoid coping with certain trauma that they told themselves wasn’t trauma. The first time she did that, Hakoda, Bato, and Sokka flipped. That had made both Kya and Azula laugh harder. It concerned the others moreso. Honestly, Kya doesn’t care if everyone knows that she’s crazy. She just wants her wacky little girl back. She just wants the people she loves to be safe. 

  
  


After about an hour and a half Kanna rushes in followed by Pakku who was scowling at them. Kya confirmed her decision that she doesn’t like him so she’s happy that he isn’t. She grins wildly, flipping him off.  _ What are you gonna do? Whine that Kanna’s long lost daughter in law is crazy and rude? Yeah, good luck with that bitch boy. Get fucked, you made a 14 year old girl fight you so you would teach her waterbending when she traveled halfway across the world. You were a bitch to my sweet little girl so imma be a bitch to you. The only reason Ozai didn’t win is because you caved and taught Katara all because you wanted to fuck her grandmother. Get fucked, bitch boy.  _

Pakku persuades the guards to leave and give them some privacy, pointedly ignoring Kya, insisting that he can take on the half conscious Fire Lord. Kya says that Azula wouldn’t do anything to hurt them. She wants to say that they should be more worried about Kya, but she keeps her mouth shut. Everyone besides Zohara leaves, insisting to the guards and her friend that she wants to continue working on Azula’s head. When there is protest to that, she just glances at Azula who is going between trying to touch Zohara’s betrothal necklace with her hands, finding out that they are bound and then trying to bite it with minimal use of her neck and head. Neither effort is even slightly effective. She wants to do this because apparently Zohara’s necklace is ‘shiney.’ It isn’t.

Kanna makes her way over to Kya, embracing her tightly. “Kya, my dear, how have you been? Are you alright? Did they hurt you? At least being friends with Fire Nation royalty and soon to have them be in your family would give you reason to get some kind of justice. Tell me that everyone who hurt you was burned alive. I sent a letter to my old friend Bumi when we were traveling between the poles. As of 6 months ago he was still kicking, I could either write a letter for you to send when you’re in warmer areas where messenger hawks can survive or I can come with you and ask him to to crush anyone who hurt you. With rocks, he’s an earthbender and throws big rocks at people.” Pakku seems just as confused as Kya is in that last part. 

Kya had never seen this side of Kanna, the vengeful, angry side. She definitely shouldn’t let her and Iroh be in the same room. Kya had always seen the protective side of her, but never this. “It’s alright, Kanna. As far as being held captive goes, it was really nice. Don’t worry, I was never hurt. I was kinda just like a vanity prize and the people in power just kinda forgot about me.” 

Kya had been very fortunate in that. She couldn’t imagine what would have happened if she hadn’t been guarded by those boys. She would be a very different person. She likely wouldn’t even be alive. The fact that those were her guards made it so her captivity was as pleasant as it could possibly be. Pleasant is a very relative term when you’re being held hostage in a country you’re at war with against your will.

“Kya drank drugs. She’s my mom now. ‘M proud. Drug mom. But she won’t give me drugs. Fucker.” Azula mumbles, giggling a little. 

“Fucking snitch. Also, rest, stop taking, or I’ll give you another concussion.” Kya replies, not supporting that threat as she presses another kiss to Azula’s forehead.

Kanna sits down, looking at Kya, concerned. “Did she hold you captive? Is that why you’re just being found? I don’t know too much about Zuko’s sister other than what Sokka had told me and I know that she has been in a mental institution and I assume that changed very recently. Did she give up your location as a deal for her release? How are you still alive i–”

“Kanna.” Kya interjects, holding the old woman’s hand. “It was nothing like that. I was brought to an old waterbender prison where the other prisoners had all died. Considering I believed that I hadn’t attempted to escape by waterbending because I had never been trained, I wasn’t left with high security. I was left with five boys who were all forced into the military through drafting. That had no ill intentions or cruelty in their hearts. When they found out that I wasn’t a waterbender at all, they just let me out. Considering we all knew that the prison where no one ever came would be the safest place for me to hide and not get locked up in a real prison, I stayed. I befriended them. I wasn’t found after the war because before it ended they had to fake my death to save my life and left before the war ended. I stayed there out of fear of being caught. Isolation in a place I could roam was better than confinement. I was found when the others were searching for Zuko. The waterbender prisons are a stain on Fire Nation history, no one wants to go there and it felt like tearing them down would allow the Fire Nation to forget what they had done. It seemed like a pretty good place to bring the kidnapped Fire Lord. Spoiler, it was just me. I was out there losing my fucking mind and living my best worst life.” Kya grins, moving her face closer to Kanna.

Pakku glares at Kya. “What’s this about drinking drugs?”

“I was in isolation for a long time. So I found some hallucinogenic mushrooms, boiled them in water, and drank them. One of the boys I was with taught us about them and occasionally we would all just drink friendly spirit mushroom water.”

“Kya, are you alright? You’re acting really weird.” Kanna says softly after long, awkward silence which Zohara ignores by tending to Azula. Azula now focuses on telling Zohara about how pretty her eyes and hair are and that Azula wants to marry her because she is pretty and has been very kind. Azula is mostly interested in the shiny ice beads in her hair. She is trying to bite those as well.

Kya closes her eyes, sighing quietly. “I was alone for about eight years. I had no idea what was happening outside of the prison grounds and had forced myself to forget the life that I had lost. It was something that I had accepted that I couldn’t change so I decided that tearing myself up about never seeing my family again would only hurt me and do nothing to help anyone. I didn’t realize how far from myself I drifted until I was found. This is who I am now, Kanna, love it or don’t, you’re stuck with it.” 

Kya used to be sincere most of the time. She still can and does when the situation calls for it such as when settling into the Fire Nation palace, reconnecting with her family, and tending to Zuko when he was still really bad. Well he’s still really bad, but it’s all relative at this point. Something she doesn’t like being sincere about is her time at the prison.

She doesn’t mind talking about what had happened when the boys were there, she actually enjoys it. She’s just reliving the memories that she had with the young boys who just wanted to grow close to her. Feel the warmth they had been denied from their own nation. Despite the fact that their country has been set aflame, that heat cannot do anything but harden the chill that had been formed around their hearts. Compassion was the only thing that could begin to get through that.

She loves talking about how she thought of them as her odd sons. How she taught them to do basic healing, hunting, cooking, and sewing. She loves talking about what they had taught her about gardening, astral navigation, self defense, edible and medicinal plants and fungus, and the obtaining and making of drugs and alcohol. She loves talking about how they had all filled a hole in each other’s hearts, how they all grew close first out of need then out of affection. She loves talking about her family. The family she had found when she needed it.

What she doesn’t like being serious about, talking about or even thinking about is how that experience had changed her deeply as a person. She doesn’t like talking about her year of isolation. Kya is still perfectly capable of forming meaningful relationships with people and loving them as she had before. She is still easily able to love her children despite how much of their lives she had missed. She doesn’t want to admit the fact to anyone, even herself that despite everything, she had been hurt deeply by that experience. The fact that the boys who were supposed to guard her but befriended her and were kind to her despite how much danger it put them in didn’t change that Kya had been traumatized by that. 

It wasn’t even the time that she had spent with the boys that had changed and hurt her so much, it was the time alone. The time that she had nothing but the voices in her head and those she swore she heard behind every corner, behind her, and in the dark. It was the time that she had used the methods of intoxication she and her family of guards had used to relax and have a little fun to dilute her senses and help her escape from her isolation. That, especially the hallucinogens, had changed the way she perceived things with every sense that she has. She is incapable of returning to the person that she once was. 

Kya hates to admit that through despair and desperation, she had pushed herself across the point of no return. Pushed herself into a new form of communication, one that puts most people off, especially those who once knew her. She hates to see that look in their eyes when they look at her like she’s crazy, like she doesn’t understand what she’s doing isn’t like how she used to. She does, it’s just any other way just seems so…wrong and painful. It isn’t something that she can put too much energy into.

Finally, Kanna finds her voice after almost a full minute of tense silence. “I’m sorry, Kya. If you don’t want to talk about it now, or ever, I–”

“I have no reservations about telling you anything and everything that happened before my family left, the boys who guarded me, or who were supposed to be guarding me. It’s after they left that I don’t. Also when I was alone it was mostly just…not much happening. I can assure you that I still love your son, my children, and my friends. I would never do anything to harm them. My interactions with them may appear different, but I would still do anything to protect them.”

“Kya…are you still there?” Azula’s hoarse moan breaks the tense silence. 

Kya takes her hand and squeezes it gently despite the shackles holding her wrists in place. “I’m right here, sweetheart. I promised you I wouldn’t go anywhere, I won’t leave you, especially not like this.” She whispers softly.

Kanna looks concerned, but not surprised with the close connection that Kya had formed with Azula. Likely because Hakoda had essentially adopted Zuko and Sokka was engaged to him. She would likely just be exasperated when she finds out that Iroh is now one of Hakoda’s best friends. Their family has been very entwined with the Fire Nation royal family since Katara and Sokka left with Aang so many years ago. A day that Kya had been there to see. 

Pakku on the other hand just looks annoyed. He seems to still not want more of the royal family to be in the one he had married into. Kya decides again that she’s happy that Pakku isn’t.

Finally, Zohara speaks. “Kya, she is out of danger for now. I mean, If I were to just send her back to the Fire Nation like this in a few days or maybe a week she would start to relapse, but she will be fine until tomorrow. I’m assuming that you’ll be staying the night here with her. You need to make sure she stays hydrated and eats anything with protein in it. Don’t be alarmed if she vomits after eating, but keep her on her side when she sleeps. If she vomits while on her back, she’ll choke. I’ll be back tomorrow. To fully heal her it will take several sessions, but hopefully she will make a full recovery.”

Kya smiles, touching Zohara’s arm gently. “Thank you so much. Really. Hopefully you and Azula can have a somewhat intelligent conversation that doesn't involve her trying to touch everything that she thinks is pretty like an infant.”

Zohara leaves and soon after, Kya and Kanna say their goodbyes and Kanna and Pakku leave after guards bring food for both Kya and Azula into the room. The cell? Not important. They have brought a bowl of stewed sea prunes for Kya, something she has deeply missed. She had made do with ocean kumquat when she felt particularly homesick, but it wasn’t the same. What she loved about them was sitting around the fire with people she loved and telling stories and bad jokes. Also, they were hard to come by as she couldn’t really go into towns and buy them from the market, she had to harvest them in unfamiliar territory, always terrified of getting caught. She didn’t do it much. Anyway, she had grown accustomed to and began to like Fire Nation cuisine and the heat that came with it. Also just raw vegetables. She had upset every single member of her family and many of the rest of the inhabitants of the palace by walking into rooms eating an entire raw cabbage she had bought from a distressed cabbage merchant. 

For Azula, they had brought seaweed stew. Kya is grateful that someone else in the Northern Water Tribe has the kindness to think to bring Azula this. Not only do sea prunes require an acquired taste, but Azula likely wouldn’t be able to eat it in her state. She would need something mostly liquid with little to no solids. On top of that, Azula had lost a good amount of blood and seaweed stew does help with that to a degree. There is also some blubbered seal jerky, most likely for Azula. Zohana had said she needs protein and blubbered seal jerky has plenty. On top of that, it’s softer and easier to chew than normal seal jerky and Azula likely doesn’t have too much energy to chew something like that.

Kya gently props Azula’s head up, making it easier to feed her. It would be easier if master bitch boy just unchained her. Azula can’t even talk to a healer without sounding like a deranged 4 year old. She definitely can’t fight or hurt anyone. 

“Azula, sweetheart, it’s time for you to eat. You need to eat something.” Kya says quietly, raising the bowl close to Azula’s face to make it easier to spoon the stew into her mouth. 

Azula groans, shifting a little. “Where’s the pretty girl? I wanted to marry her. She is nice and pretty. Her hair sparkes.” She whines.

Kya can’t help but to laugh a little. “Don’t worry, she had to eat and rest. Healing takes a lot of energy, she’ll be back tomorrow. You can marry her when you’re better.”

Azula lets out a weird sound that sounds like a cheer that doesn’t come out right. She’s weak, injured, and she needs to eat and rest. 

“Azula, will you eat this for me? You need it to get strong. You remember how difficult Zuko has been to feed, do you want to be difficult like him? Also, If you’re not strong you can’t marry Zohara, the pretty healer woman, alright?” 

Azula nods. “Zuzu is being a dum dum, I love him. He’ll love Zo…Zo.” She opens her mouth and allows Kya to begin feeding her.

Kya knows that Zuko has perfectly valid reasons to be as difficult as he is. If she had a piece of metal jammed in her mouth for four months straight while being brutally tortured and drugged, she wouldn’t want anything in or even near her mouth either. Kya would never say something like that in front of Zuko. She would never say or do anything that might make him feel even more guilty about needing so much help. It’s really admirable how willing he is to heal, many in his position would have given up far sooner than Zuko had and be more adamant about it. He somehow managed to pull through. He  _ has _ to continue to pull through, if he doesn’t…she can’t think about what would happen if Zuko died.

The main reason that Kya had even brought Zuko up was to coax Azula into eating more easily. If she could get her to understand that being difficult about eating wasn’t going to help anyone, Azula would eat sooner and could sleep sooner. Kya just wants Azula to rest and begin to recover. 

Kya knows that Zohara is engaged. Well, she’s probably married if she’s clearly several years over the age of 16. She knows that Zohara is a married woman and isn’t going to marry Azula. She also is pretty sure that Azula’s main attraction to her is the fact that, with her current amount of head injury, she just really likes shiny things. Kya is sure that Zohara knows this and doesn’t think that Azula is actually serious about wanting to marry her and just thinks that she’s pretty. Kya  _ hopes  _ that’s the case. Kya doesn’t want to make things…weird. 

Soon enough, Azula finishes her food, Kya eats her own quickly. It isn’t as good as she remembers, likely because she is eating it in a cold cell and not around a fire with her family. After she eats, she gingerly turns Azula onto her side as Zohana had instructed. She holds Azula close to her chest, keeping them both warm and pulling a blanket over them. “Goodnight, Azula. I love you, you’re going to be safe and healthy.”

Her only response is the soft, gentle breaths of Azula’s sleeping body. Kya smiles, and drifts off next to the sleeping Fire Lord. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if you were in isolation for 8ish years, don't tell me you wouldn't growl and hiss at people. Kya is just vibing with he single mentally ill brain cell just trying her best. I want to make it clear that she wasn't choosing to be with Azula over Sokka, her literal son, out of preference or spite but out of fear. Sokka is from the Water Tribe and she isn't worried about anyone wishing ill upon him. Also, Suki is close with both Sokka and Aang and she had fought on their side of the war her entire life and Kya isn't worried about her either. She just wants Bato to keep them company and make them feel loved. She's scared that someone is going to do something to hurt Azula because she is the freaking Fire Lord and has been considered an enemy for a very long time and still kinda is. 
> 
> Azula's type when she has been smacked upside the head: pretty healer Water Tribe Women with beads and ice in her hair. If you were a waterbender in the North of South pole, do NOT come at me and say that you wouldn't make cool designs with ice and put them in your hair. She can make pretty things with her waterbending and then just put them in her hair and the temperatures well below freezing keep them there.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are Saturday for this fic and Wednesday for the other one:)  
> My roomie and I are going to our first tattoo consultation later today, so, exciting. 
> 
> I have also realized while writing this that Iroh and (kinda) Sokka have become like the more serious and angry people in this and Azula and Kya are the comedic relief at their bear essentials. So, we kinda flipping.

It had been a long time since Mai had spent much time with or even around Zuko. He had become a very, very difficult person to be around. Not only had he returned to anger and cruelty so much of the time, intentionally trying to hurt the people around him as some fucked up means of protection and way of easing his own pain, but it broke her heart to see him like this. So weak and in so much pain. There had been a time when Zuko could take down opponents easily with just his physical strength, no need for his bending and sometimes not even weapons. Now, not only can he not walk but he’s too scared to even try to relearn. There was a time where he was able to use complex and advanced firebending techniques, but now, he would cower or even scream at the sight of a lit candle when not covered by the glass of a lantern. 

Zuko had become wretched and completely bedridden, scared of his own shadow. Most of the time, she couldn’t even recognize the trembling, broken man as one of her closest friends and ex-boyfriend. He probably didn’t even recognize himself anymore. He had lost so many of his memories, so much of himself had been stripped away and left in the dark. 

There was so much that they hadn’t been able to rescue.

During the fight, both Mai and Ty Lee had been injured, neither terribly, both should fully recover, but it hadn’t stopped both of them from constantly asking the other if she was alright. Mai had broken her left arm and has a splint and a sling on it, it’s her only notable injury. The others are just cuts, bruises, and small, first degree burns. Nothing fun, but nothing that wouldn’t heal over time under the assumption Mai didn’t intentionally aggravate them. Especially the burns.

Ty Lee had two of her ribs fractured and injured the back of her right shoulder bad enough that she couldn’t move her neck or either arm without excruciating pain. After a few healing sessions with Katara, she had been able to begin moving around again as long as she regularly stretched with  _ only  _ the exercises she had been given and didn’t do much else with her upper body. That meant she wasn’t allowed to lift anything heavy or do her acrobatics. She complained about that a lot. However, she will make a full recovery and will be able to prance around again in no time. 

It’s a relief that Ty Lee will be fine. That she won’t suffer permanently from this outside of light scarring which could easily be hidden in uniform. Knowing Ty Lee, she might even pain around her scars to accentuate them. Despite this, Mai hates having to see Ly Lee, the woman who is always so full of joy, light, and love in pain and misery. 

She reassures herself with the fact that soon enough, Ty Lee will be able to pounce on her with hugs that she denies that she loves to everyone except Ty Lee. To watch her get around while walking on her hands and other unnecessary modes of transportation. Ty Lee  _ will  _ be fine. She will survive this. It doesn’t make it any easier for Mai to see her like that. 

It isn’t easy to see Zuko either, but Hakoda has been spending a lot of time with him, Ty Lee is asleep, and Mai should see her friend. 

Mai has a bag full of different writing utensils and blank scrolls and papers. She knows that Zuko’s memory is bad and he wants it back. He’s having trouble with details and apparently they keep slipping after he remembers them. Maybe writing them down would help him.  _ If he can still write. Hands may be too shaky or he might just have forgotten how.  _ Mai frowns at that thought, that would do nothing but upset and frustrate Zuko further. 

She knows that Zuko has become very impatient with his recovery, he wants to be able to take care of himself and not be reliant on people all the time. She also knows that this is because the people around Zuko have been unintentionally rushing him to get better. They want Zuko to be back the way he was before, be the same person that he was before he was taken. Mai knows that that man had been killed in that basement and was never coming back. Zuko would never be the same mentally or physically because of what was done to him. He could get better, but he could recover, he could be whole, but he would never be the same. What was done to him was too horrible. He had been destroyed completely, so many parts of the man he once was just gone. Crushed and beaten into dust so that parts of him were no longer salvageable. They would have to be made new.

It had angered Mai to no end that the others, especially Sokka and Iroh, expected Zuko to be better than he is now. She knows that they mean well, that they just want Zuko to be okay, but they’re hurting him deeply. Zuko hadn’t even been back for as long as he had been taken. He had been back about half as long. They seemed to think that Zuko could just understand that he is safe now that the rest of the New Ozai Society is dead. They don’t seem to understand that trauma doesn't operate by logic, it operates through instinct. Zuko’s instincts had forced him to understand that the world is cruel and will hurt him at every turn for no reason. His instincts now told him that all he could do was shrink away and try and please or keep away those who may hurt him.

Zuko had been traumatized so horribly that for two months he couldn’t even hear his own name and the others still thought that they would  _ ever  _ get Zuko back the way he once was. They seemed to think that that version of him still existed underneath his layers of fear, confusion, and anger. All that is under that is a terrified and injured man who just wants to be able to feel safe again. What the others are looking for doesn’t exist anymore. That version of Zuko is gone forever. She would honestly be surprised if Zuko could ever hear a man, or anyone for that matter, raise their voice without Zuko being sent into a panic, begging for mercy. If he would ever be able to firebend again. She is pretty sure that he would be able to see fire again, but bending is a whole new issue. 

Zuko had been disconnected from Agni for a long time and throughout that time he had been drugged and tortured in ways Mai couldn’t even come up with. It would take work for Zuko to even be able to physically firebend again. If he could, there would also be the psychological issue of it. Having flames erupt from his hand, burning against his skin could so easily send him to his knees and screaming for mercy.

No matter what the issue is, she doubts he will ever do it. If he can physically firebend, he might relearn how to control his inner flame and regulate his body temperature. He had used his ability to heat and cool his body to make it so more people wanted to hug him for longer. He has sheepishly admitted that to her years ago when she asked. He also just did it for his own comfort.

On top of all of that, there would be the issue of walking. Mai isn’t a healer, but she has heard enough to know that the longer Zuko waits to relearn how to walk, the harder it is going to be for him to recover. She understands that there is a lot of trauma around standing for Zuko. He had been forced into a standing position where he was unable to sleep and completely vulnerable to anything his captors may do to him. It doesn’t change the fact that he is hurting himself.

She couldn’t imagine being forced to stay in that position for that long. Crying and begging for rest that would never come. Being unable to protect herself from any form of harm that would be thrown at her. Be unable to retaliate. Body burning and aching from being forced to stand for so long. Despite the completely valid trauma that Zuko has around standing, it is good for him to relearn how to walk. Even if he does use a wheelchair or crutches or a cane for the rest of his life, the option of walking, even if painful, is important. 

Considering Mai had dated Zuko before and knew just how insufferable and stubborn he could be. Sokka had talked to her about how he might be impatient with himself once he agreed to relearn how to walk. Sokka was right that he would very likely push himself past his limits, hurting himself badly and just getting angry that he couldn’t do it properly immediately. Katara had said that Zuko has severe spinal and paraspinal damage and he will likely never be able to walk long distances without aid. She had said most likely crutches, if he was lucky, a cane. Sokka, Suki, and Mai all know that Zuko will not take well to that and will just try and force himself to go without it. The only thing he would succeed in doing is hurting himself even more. Just thinking about it is already enraging her and breaking her heart simultaneously.

When Mai reaches Zuko’s door, she knocks gently. Everyone had gotten into the habit of knocking before coming into whatever room Zuko was in if not announcing it as well. It was less about asking permission and more about announcing their presence to Zuko before coming in. He didn’t like people coming unexpectedly or facing away from the door. He had been forced to endure both while held hostage. No one was about to force that on him again. 

Mai walks into the room to find Hakoda quietly reading and Zuko sitting cross legged, knitting. He is looking at a piece of paper that has some drawings on it and seems to be trying to focus on it. Likely something Kya had drawn for him before she left. She had taught Zuko, Suki, Sokka, and, unfortunately, Toph. Toph had used her knitting needles to poke people with and refused to give them back. She apparently is also knitting while her feet are healing, but she has been poking people with her needles when they get too close. She hasn’t done it to Katara yet which is good. She usually has a temper, but she has been worn to the bone and is justifiably very irritable. Rule of thumb has become to do whatever Katara says and give her whatever she wants. She is the most valuable healer as of now and is overworking herself. No one in their right mind would fuck with her right now. Even Toph isn’t that stupid. 

Zuko lifts his head, slowly putting his needles on his lap. “Hey, Mai.” His voice is more raspy than normal. He seems very on edge, like he wishes he could just run away. At least the knitting is doing what Kya hoped and not only calming him but giving him more control over his hands again. They sit almost still in his lap. Much better when they would shake and twitch uncontrollably.

Mai turns to Hakoda. “I’m going to stay with him for awhile. You might want to go check on Katara, get her to eat something and to rest. You’re likely one of the few people she won’t threaten to murder right there and then. Hopefully.”

Hakoda smiles, seeming relieved to have an excuse to leave the room. To leave Zuko. Zuko had always been very perceptive when it came to anything negative about himself. This is probably not helping him recover. Zuko isn’t an easy person to be around right now. He has horrible, unpredictable mood swings that send him into fits of anger and despair with almost no warning. However, Zuko has always thought of himself as less. Less deserving, less desired, less worthy. Always just less. He definitely knows when these people don’t want to be around him. That has to be destroying him. He always thinks of himself as a burden no matter how much weight he is pulling. Now he is getting confirmation that he is. His heart breaking while it is trying to mend won’t help him. 

Mai walks over to Zuko’s bed as Hakoda leaves, gently sitting down on the edge. “Hey, Zuko. I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit you sooner, I was with Ty Lee. I didn’t want to leave her side until I was positive that she would be fine. She will be, she just needs some rest, but she’ll make a full recovery.”

Zuko reaches over, gently touching her splinted arm. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to get hurt because of me. Didn’t want anyone to get hurt. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry about Ty Lee, a-about everyone. I-I’m not worth it a-and I’m sorry. Y-you don’t deserve i-it.” 

Mai cups Zuko’s cheek in one of her hands. “Zuko. Listen to me. You didn’t ask for this. We made the decision to search for you. We made the decision to not give into the demands that the New Ozai Society gave us. We made the decision to fight them when we were outnumbered. You didn’t make any of us do anything. If you want to blame anyone, blame your father. If he hadn’t taken you, we wouldn’t be here like thi right now. It’s your father’s fault. It’s the people who took you, the people who hurt you, the people that wa-”

“M-Mai…pl-please. People keep telling me th-that a-and I just can’t. I-I just n-need to process this. I-I don’t wa-want t-to think a-about father. When I do, I can’t st-stop thinking about how much I miss him. How much I wa-want him to hold m-me, t-to touch me…I-I…” He curls in on himself, words turning into bitter weeping. Mai hates that she knows exactly what Zuko is talking about, how horribly Ozai had manipulated him and gotten so deep into his head. 

She wraps her arms around him, resting his head on her shoulder, tucking his face into the crook of his neck. She knows that it helps calm him down, helps make him feel safe and loved. She also knows it’s how Ozai would hold him, forcing Zuko to take comfort in his presence. “It’s alright, Zuko. You’re going to be alright. It’s going to take time but you’re going to be alright. You can have as much time as you need to heal. I don’t expect you to be better overnight. No matter how long it takes so that you feel safe again, no one will be able to hurt you. The active members of the New Ozai Society have been dealt with, it is illegal to have any affiliation with the group, everyone who was severely injured is with the best healers in the world. There won’t be anything new to hurt you, you just make yourself feel safe. We’ll all be here for you to help you. I actually brought you something that will hopefully help you feel better. It’s about starting to recover your memories.”

Zuko clutches to Mai’s robes tightly, whimpering quietly. “Th-thank you, Mai…everyone else j-just seems s-so upset th-that I’m not better, that I’m not me. I-I want to b-be better more than a-anyone else, I want t-to be safe again…I’m trying, I-I really am. J-Just nothing seems to be good enough. Thank you, Mai.” His words are full of so much anguish. So much regret. “Wh-what did you bring t-to help? I’m willing to try a-anything.”

Mai pulls back a little, pressing a kiss to Zuko’s forehead. “The others are thinking emotionally, not rationally. I promise that they aren’t angry at you, they’re angry at the people who did this to you. I think that it might help to start writing down what you remember, title it in some way and then put the titles in chronological order to the best of your ability in a separate scroll. I would definitely be willing to help you if you get stuck, it’s better if you recall most of it on your own. I can just tell you what happened from my perspective or from what I heard. I can’t get your emotions or memories in it. Me and the others can just help you find them. Would you be willing to try that?”

Zuko looks up at her, eyes trailed on her lips. She knows that he isn’t looking to kiss her, he wants to look at her face without making eye contact. Despite the fact that Zuko may not remember everything, he knows he’s with Sokka and Suki and that he loves them, one thing about Zuko that hasn’t changed is that he’s fiercely loyal to anyone he cares about. He had only made eye contact since he got back with anyone enough times for her to count them on one hand. She isn’t sure why he won’t make eye contact, and she isn’t sure if she wants to know. 

“I-I want m-my memories back. Want t-to f-feel whole. F-feel safe.” He moves his head down a little, gently pressing his forehead to her lips. It was a strange habit he had picked up. It was likely because he wanted affection, to feel loved and wanted but had trouble asking. 

Mai begins taking out the writing utensils and paper, laying them on the bed. “Do you remember how to write? Do you have enough control over your hands to do so?”

Zuko bites his lip, furrowing his eyebrow. “I-I think so.” He takes the brush from her, holding his hand still as he can. Mai holds the bottle of ink for him, doubting he can do both. He dips the brush in and wipes off the excess ink, poising it above a piece of paper. His face pinches in thought for a long moment before he speaks.

“You and I dated for awhile…there was an unspoken mutual attraction between us that we didn’t hide well when we were younger. We got together after I returned from banishment. I hadn’t captured Aang…I hadn’t joined them…I was allowed back though. Why was I allowed back?” He says the last bit more too himself as he begins to write, his handwriting horrible, but legible. He seems more irritated with himself for not being able to remember that last detail than anything. 

Mai doubts he’ll be able to handle being told that he had betrayed team Avatar and especially Iroh, leading to Aang almost dying because of his decision. Well, Aang  _ did _ actually die, he just didn’t stay that way. Zuko would tear himself up for it and he is not in the mental space to be able to remember that right now. Yes, he had made bad choices in his life and he had suffered more than the consequences of his actions. He had made up for them a hundred times over. Zuko wouldn’t see it like that. He would see it as…well she didn’t know exactly, but he would hate himself for it.

Mai rests her free hand on Zuko’s shoulder, rubbing it gently. “That’s right, Zuko. Do you remember when we were little Azula and Ty Lee would always try and mess with us? Azula picked up that we liked each other really fast.” She hopes that that gets Zuko’s mind off of the end of his banishment. 

Zuko nods, the corners of his mouth turning up a little, but barely. When it came to expressions of joy, Zuko had become more solemn than Mai herself. However, when it came to expressions of terror, anger, or despair…she didn’t think she had ever seen anyone express themselves so clearly. It was horrible to watch.

“I think I remember Azula lighting an apple on your head on fire and I pushed you into the fountain. I got upset and ran off with…with mom. What happened to mom? E-everything got worse when she left…father h-hurt me more. D-did I upset her? I-I want mom.” Zuko curls up again, head pressed into his knees, Mai can hear him crying softly. This is definitely not a good turn. 

Mai has never been the most emotional person. She has always had the capacity to care, but had never been the best at expressing it. She certainly isn’t good at comforting others. Especially trying to comfort people in such a fragile emotional state as Zuko. She isn’t sure what will set him off, what will help him, what will hurt him. He had always been particularly emotional before he had been broken.

“Zuko, I don’t know what happened to your mother, but I doubt she wanted to leave. You two weren’t just always together because you were scared of your father, it was because you loved each other. You kept each other sane. All I can tell you is that tearing yourself up about her won’t help anyone. If anyone drove her away, it was your father. Please don’t tear yourself up over her. She wouldn’t want that.” Mai presses a kiss to Zuko’s head. “Please look up at me.”

Zuko doesn’t look up but he reaches out, taking her hand. “I-I broke up with you…you confronted me in prison…you were upset because you wanted to commit treason with me. I ran off without you…next time I’ll bring you along to commit treason. I’m sorry for not being a good boyfriend to you.” He says quietly, slowly lifting his head, eyes trained on her shoulder. She sees a hint of a smile on his lips, a ghost of the man he had once been. A fabrication of the spirit that once inhabited the now living corpse. A mocking gesture at who Zuko once was and who he could never be again.

Mai gently touches his cheek with the tips of her fingers. “I love you, Zuko. We weren’t good for each other romantically. I now have a girlfriend who I love dearly, and you have a loving boyfriend and girlfriend who would do anything for you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re one of my best friends. But, if you do go and commit treason again, I would love to come along.”

Zuko shifts forward, resting his head on Mai’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around her loosely. “I know I don’t remember everything yet…thank you for offering me something that might get a little back. Thank you for trying. Thank you for being patient with me. I want to get to know you better again as my friend. You’re safe and calm. I love you too, Mai.”

Mai can’t help but to smile.

  
  


Iroh had left the palace the same day that he and Hakoda had spoken to Jae. He supposes that he is grateful that one of the leaders of the New Ozai Society was one of the people who decided that what was done to Zuko was unforgivable. Jae is one of the 12 members who knows more than most, excluding those who Ozai took with him and the 6 Iroh had hunted. 

Iroh had taken 7 skilled soldiers with him, but had insisted that he deliver the final blow to each of the people who lead to his precious nephew’s suffering. He wanted to feel each of them die. He wanted to prove to himself that they were all dead. He  _ needed  _ to know that no one would hurt his son ever again. Zuko would be safe. He would be okay.

The first was the woman who had drugged Zuko the night he had taken. Not only did Iroh want her to be dead and gone the soonest but she was the closest. She was younger than he expected, she was in her early to mid thirties with waist length black hair and gold eyes that calculated the movements around her. One look at her, and he could tell that she was extremely intelligent. She was skilled in many things, she could hold her own in any situation. She went by the name of Emana in the edge of the city where she now resided. It wasn’t the name she had been given at birth. It didn’t matter what life she lived, only that she contributed to Zuko’s torture. She recognized Iroh on sight. She was a nonbender but lethal with a sword. One of Iroh’s soldiers barely escaped with his life who he sent home after that fight. All of them left injured. Iroh left her charred, smoking body behind him in a ditch in the alley. He refused to give her a proper funeral. She would be left for the rats.

The next on the list was a man by the name of Chezuk. He had helped members of the New Ozai Society get into the palace as guards along with three others. He was a skilled tactician and firebender. He was living right outside of Caldera City in a village by the name of Dachena Village. None of that mattered anymore. Not when Iroh left the home the vile man had made for himself with blood on his hands. Iroh had slit the man’s throat after one of Iroh’s soldiers had slashed his achilles tendon with her knife. Iroh had insisted they leave him in the house to collect flies and feed any wildlife that got in. His corpse would do more good to the world than the man who had once inhabited it ever would. 

The next was a woman who had also helped with the guard planting. Her name was Ulasa. She had been ill when they found her. All she would do was serve as a warning to anyone with any allegiance to Ozai. Iroh had watched her choke on the noose he had tied around her neck, hanging her on the outside of her city. He made sure she was wearing the pin the members wore. Iroh had pinned it through her skin opposed to her clothes before he had hanged her. He left her once he was sure she was dead. He didn’t care what anyone else thought. 

The next were a husband and wife who had helped with the guards. Their names were Yzuna and Jazo. They had been the hardest battle considering there were two of them. Both were fire benders. When they had both been brought to their knees through injury, Jazo had begged for his wife’s life, claiming she was pregnant. Iroh had looked the man in the eyes as he drove his sword through the woman’s heart. He killed the man just as swiftly, cutting off his screams of anguish at his loss. Screams Iroh recognized. The same sound he had made when his own wife had died, when Lu Ten had died, when the Zuko that was had died. Iroh knew he was not on the right path. He didn’t care about that either. 

The last person on his list was the man who led the attack. He had planned it. His name was Takon. He was the one who identified where they should take Zuko and Ozai, had a plan for restoring Ozai’s bending and his throne. He was the one who planned when and how to attack. He was the one who found the most aggressive members of the New Ozai society and stationed them in the basement. He was likely the reason that Zuko was tortured beyond recognition. Once Iroh and his soldiers had taken the man down and tied him to a post in his own home, Iroh sent his soldiers home before him. Iroh spent the next two days screaming at the man, killing him slowly. He knew that Zuko would never forgive him for torturing someone, no matter who, after what had been done to him. He knew that no one would ever look at him the same, possibly argue that he wasn’t all that different from his brother. Iroh didn’t care. He wanted to hear the man scream, begging for mercy that Zuko hadn’t been given. The man that had made it so Zuko’s soul had been crushed into fine dust. 

When Iroh finally kills the man, he doesn’t feel guilt, he doesn’t feel joy, he just feels angry. No matter what he did to the people who hurt his nephew, Zuko would still be broken. He would still be scared. He would still beg for death when he got too deep into his head. Iroh could bring Ozai back a thousand times and kill him a thousand and one times and he wouldn’t be able to extinguish the flame of rage and hate making its home in his heart. He wouldn’t be able to undo what had been done to Zuko. 

With blood covering his hands, clothes, and face, Iroh climbs onto his mongoose-lizard and begins the trek home. He would never speak of this to his sweet, sensitive nephew. If Zuko ever found out, Iroh would only beg for Zuko’s forgiveness as he would tell him that he is now truly safe. That no one would ever hurt him again. For real now. 

Zuko could hate him, scream at him for torturing someone. Zuko could break down in tears of anger and Iroh would regret nothing. The only thing Iroh may regret is not torturing them all. Not making them all suffer more.

Jae’s information had been good. Iroh would have to thank him. He doesn’t trust him enough to release him yet, but he could provide him with a room instead of a cell. He could allow him to go outside more accompanied by guards. Being in a room would at least keep him connected with Agni and give him some privacy. He had helped Iroh protect Zuko. Iroh would do whatever it took to protect his boy, no matter what it did to him. 

  
  
  


Azula had been getting better. Her head doesn't hurt as much, her vision has cleared, and she actually has an idea what is going on. Zohara had also been coming alone the past few days. She had told the guards that she feels safe being in the room alone with Kya and Azula. Despite their protest, they had allowed it. They had clearly not really wanted to be there anyways. 

She had told them that Sokka has completely recovered and is walking around fine. Suki is still being healed but she’ll be okay, she will, however, likely have permanent damage in the periphery of her left eye. All but three of the guards have fully recovered as well, the three left will survive. 

Zohara had promised the guards that Azula would stay chained down, but had immediately broken that the second that they left. She said she felt like it was good to see how Azula’s gait is. Azula is also pretty sure she just doesn’t like the idea of Azula being chained up while injured. 

Azula does vaguely remember continuously hitting on her the past few days…also trying to bite her necklace…which is really fucking weird no matter what perspective you look at it. Thankfully, Zohara hasn’t mentioned either event. She has likely dealt with concussed patients before.

Despite the fact that Azula had not at all been in her right mind when she kept proposing to Zohara, she does have to say she is very beautiful with a clear head as well. Zohara has long, waist length brown hair, most of it loose, but she has braids on each side of her head keeping her hair behind her ears, both with a silver thread woven into them. Her loose hair shines with the ice beads she must put in every morning. They are water drops about half the size of a marble frozen around several strands of hair placed randomly through her hair. Most members of the Water Tribe have bright blue eyes, they are blue, but deep and dark like the ocean at night. They look black until light hits them and they shimmer as if the moon was under the water. She is tall, a few inches taller than Azula, she had been wearing a parka the whole time, but she had helped Azula stand earlier and Azula had felt that she had pretty muscular arms. Yes, she is very beautiful.

Considering the fact that Azula is no longer suffering from a concussion, she will not continue hitting on Zohara. That doesn’t mean that she can’t think that Zohara is beautiful, funny, and kind and that her spouse is lucky and that Azula is mildly jealous. She would have to ask someone how to get over a crush on someone. Sokka would probably know, or Zuko. Who knows. Azula sure as fuck doesn’t. The only crush she’d ever had on someone was some asshole at a party, Chan. But that was purely because she wanted some normal teenage experience and he was attractive. He wasn’t boyfriend material. It was easy to get over him, the attraction was only physical and hormonal. Zohara, on the other hand, isn’t just beautiful but she’s gentle and caring. She’s someone who Azula genuinely likes to be around. She looks forward to her healing sessions and is disappointed when Zohara leaves.

Azula is currently sitting on the floor of her cell eating tentacle soup with Kya and Zohara. She had been skeptical of the dish at first, but it’s damn good. Not as spicy as she normally likes her food, but it’s delicious. 

“You seem to be doing better, Azula. Do you have any more pain? Are you doing alright?” Zohara asks, giving her a warm smile. Her eyes sparkle with starlight as she does. Fuck, she’s gorgeous.

“Just the continuous pain of existence.” Azula replies without thinking, causing Kya to absolutely lose it and for Zohara to raise an eyebrow quizzically. Thankfully, she doesn’t comment. She hadn’t commented on a lot of things that Azula had done and said and she is grateful for that. She would need to find a way to thank her. Azula could send her something nice from the Fire Nation as a symbol of thanks, if she’s lucky maybe of friendship. She would love to be friends with someone like her. Smart, kind, gentle, and capable. Zohara reminds Azula of Mai and Ty Lee to an extent, and to be fair, she did have a fleeting crush on Ty Lee. But at that point, she cared more about pleasing a cruel man than her own happiness. 

Azula bites her lip, looking at her feet for a moment before speaking again. “Thank you, Zohara for taking care of me. You didn’t have to do as much for me as you did, or anything at all really, especially everything that my nation, and me personally did to the world and your people. You have my deepest gratitude and will always have a place in the Fire Nation if you find yourself in that part of the world. You will always be welcome as an honored guest.”

Zohara smiles warmly at her. “I’ve never been out of the tribe before, I would really like to see the world. I unfortunately will never get to.” She looks down, appearing…sad. She seems to even have heartache over this. 

Azula cocks her head, confused. “Why not?” She’s genuinely confused. Zohara doesn’t appear to be injured or sick. Azula doubts that she is in trouble and in some kind of lock down, she would never be allowed alone with the Fire Lord and Kya who is…Kya. She would understand why the others, especially her spouse, would want her to continue to live in the Water Tribe, but she could always leave and come back. She could be gone for a month, see parts of the world she never had before and then return to her duties. 

Zohara touches her necklace. She doesn’t touch it in the way Katara had as a way of connecting with the mother she thought she had lost. She doesn’t touch it in the way that Zuko used to. He would touch him and overwhelming joy would spread through him, remembering that he was engaged to a kind man who loved him and wanted to spend his life with him. Also with Suki who just wanted to fuck with Zuko’s family. When Azula had found out about that, she had decided she liked Suki the most. Zohara touches it as if she is mourning, like it is a burden. “My husband wouldn’t allow it. Even though, it’s not like we’re really together considering he’s fucking…I’m sorry..” She says the last part through gritted teeth, stopping herself from finishing her sentence, apologizing on the exhale. It’s the first time Azula had seen her angry. 

Azula takes a bite of her soup before putting the bowl down and reaching her hand out and offering it to Zohara who takes it. “I know we don’t know each other all that well, but as someone who spent years in a mental institution because of abuse and repressed feelings, talking helps. Even if the other person can’t do anything to help. It can be nice just to have someone listen. Also, it’s not like they’re going to let me talk to anyone and everyone is kinda wary of Kya and she…is talking to herself.” She gestures to Kya who is now immersed in a conversation about how burning hallucinogenic mushrooms in an enclosed area would be a great idea all while eating her soup. Azula is on the side of the person who isn't there and is telling Kya to not do that. 

Azula begins to eat her soup again as Zohara begins to look for the words to explain what's going on. At least that’s what she assumes she is doing. It would be unlikely that she is just looking up at the icy ceiling where it is dark and well…icy. It isn’t interesting. 

“Well, I’m not sure how it works in the Fire Nation but at 16, you are marrying age in the Water Tribe. The parents, specifically the fathers will arrange for two people to be married and a betrothal necklace is made and when it is accepted, you’re engaged. You’re expected to accept it. I was engaged a few days after I turned 16 and married a few months later. My husband, Kadiq, is fine I guess. We never had any big issues with each other but we never particularly got along, either. But we made it work, made the best of the situation. He is very controlling over what I do and is cheating on me with a friend of a friend. So I’m stuck in a forever loveless marriage with a self-righteous ass.”

Azula doesn’t even know what she is saying or doing before she does it. She takes Zohara’s hand in her own and moves closer to her. “Come back to the Fire Nation with me. You could say you’re establishing a closer relationship with the Fire Nation, and I mean, it wouldn’t be a lie. My brother is chronically injured and ill from what was done to him and as talented as Katara is she only trained in healing for like two days and has been self taught the rest of the way. You could tell your husband that you would be sent back with anything he desires and that he’ll have a bit of time to have your living establishment to himself. You don’t have to come if you don’t want, if you do, you don’t have to come back or you can stay however long you want. Just consider it, please.” 

She looks up at Zohara’s face, smiling hopefully.  _ You deserve someone better. You deserve to be happy. Maybe I could make you happy or help you find someone who does.  _

Zohara sighs, looking down, holding Azula’s hand a little tighter. “I would like that. I really would. I love the Northern Water Tribe, and I love my friends and family, but I don’t think that I can stay here. There are many parts of my culture that I love, beautiful parts of it that have created so much. There are also many things as a woman that I like less. There is good and bad in every place, in every culture, in every person. I would like to see more of the world. I’ll see what can be done. However, if you don’t mind me asking…what happened to your brother?”

Azula moves a little closer to Zohara, trying to think of the best way to say it. She wants to give Zohara more incentive to come, give her a better reason to tell her tribe to come. Have them understand why the Fire Nation needs another healer. If she does come, she will be very intimately involved with Zuko’s recovery and will need the details as to what happened to him. It also isn’t easy to hide, Zuko overshares when he’s angry. He knows it upsets everyone, drives them away from him. She knows he does it out of fear, but it doesn’t stop her heart from breaking more every time. However, she still wants to respect Zuko’s privacy. Zohara is a stranger to him and he is already cautious of the people he knows. The people who have proved their love and devotion to him for years. He doesn’t even know Zohara exists. 

Sighing, she begins to speak, choosing her words carefully. “I’m sure you know Zuko became Fire Lord after our father, Ozai, was defeated and imprisoned. There were many people who wanted things to go back to the way they were during the war. The Fire Nation was the strongest and most powerful nation. It kept them feeling safe and made them feel important and powerful. They called themselves The New Ozai Society, they wanted our father back on the throne. For the war to resume. A good amount of the public was against Zuko as well, but they weren’t as extreme.”

Azula feels a hand on her shoulder. “This sounds like it gets bad fast.” Azula nods, biting her lip. “There was a siege on the palace a few months ago. Zuko was abducted and our father was liberated. My uncle got a ransom note not long after he was abducted giving us one year to restore his bending in exchange for Zuko’s life. He was told that Zuko would be hurt while in captivity and after one year, he would kill Zuko. I was released from the hospital discreetly almost immediately after and I helped begin looking for Zuko along with team Avatar, Sokka and Katara’s dads, the Kyoshi warriors, and Zuko’s ex-girlfriend. We found Kya while looking for him. When we finally found Zuko…oh…it was so horrible.” She feels hot tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, remembering the horribly painful position his body was wedged in when they found him. “He was in so much pain…he was so scared…he’s still scared and in pain. He can’t walk, he can’t be anywhere near fire without breaking down, he can’t eat or drink with someone near him, he won’t take his clothes off even to bathe…it was a struggle to get him to take bits off for Katara to heal him. He was drugged…he couldn't even remember who he was. He couldn’t hear his own name without panicking. They broke my brother. They broke him.”

She feels arms wrap around her, pulling her close, Azula rests her head on Zohara’s shoulder, crying quietly. She also definitely does not take note that Zohara smells like salt, pine, water, wood smoke, and a little bit of garlic. She  _ certainly  _ does not start thinking about how much she likes pine trees. How much she would like to take Zohara into the forest a few miles outside of the city, hold her hand, talk to her about the different flowers native to the Fire Nation and most definitely doesn’t think about how nice it would be to kiss her there. 

She doesn’t think a single one of those thoughts. Those thoughts that don’t come to her mind do calm her down. Pull her out of the guilt she feels about what happened to Zuko. How if she hadn’t let herself be so brainwashed by father for so long, she could have been in the palace. She could have helped protect Zuko. She could have killed father that night and saved Zuko so much pain. Zuko could have been brought to the hospital wing for some burns, bruises, and maybe some broken bones. Sure, he would have been shaken, maybe traumatized. But he wouldn’t have been broken. He wouldn’t be convinced that every single person who he doesn’t know is going to hurt him horribly. He wouldn’t be absolutely terrified of other men because he was tortured by a few deranged and truly evil men who could even be called men. They weren’t human. He would be okay. Her brother would be okay. If only she had been stronger.

“Hey, what the fuck is she doing up. Chain her back down right now, she…she…what are you doing?” Azula looks up at a guard looking partially ready to attack, but mostly deeply confused as to what is going on. Likely because Kya is currently having a falling out with her imaginary friend over drugs, and the sitting Fire Lord is breaking down in a Water Tribe healer’s arms.

“Hey, if I try anything you can tearbend my eyes out. I already have the water on my face for you. What’s happening, is I’m worried about my brother because Katara is doing her absolute best to try and heal him and he’s still broken and scared and I don’t know if he’s going to survive and I was talking to Zohara about coming back to the Fire Nation to help him in exchange for whatever she and you guys want and then I started breaking down because he’s already tried to kill himself because of what was done to him and I know he’s blaming himself for the fact that everyone being healed here was injured protecting him. Is that good enough?”

Well…maybe Zuko’s oversharing was simply out of anger and not fear or spite. It’s easier to overshare when mad than she thought. Maybe it’s just because she doesn’t respond to anger when not threatened with violence anymore.

The guard just looks at her blankly. “You know I have no intentions of hurting anyone here. My brother is head over heels in love with a stupid, meat loving, boomerang throwing Southern Water Tribe boy and if he continues to improve the chief of the Southern Water Tribe is going to be my father in law…also Kya has informed me that she is my mother now. She’s cool. I only have relations to lose by hurting anyone here. Also, Zohara’s cool. I don’t wanna piss her off.” She smiles at the guard who just continues to stare at her.

“Azula is fine, Hulraq. She’s had plenty of opportunity to attack and hasn’t. I’m not worried about her. Also, we’re surrounded by ice and water. She’s at a disadvantage.”

“And my brain is fucked up more than usual.” Azula unhelpfully chimes in.

“Yes, she is still minority concussed.” 

“And mentally ill.” Kya says. Of course she had to choose this moment to stop arguing about getting high.

“Azula, Kya, stop.” They both go silent and Kya moves over, embracing Azula. “Zuko’s gonna be alright. He’s stronger than you give him credit for. Also if he does, I’ll bring him back to life and kill him again for breaking my little boy’s heart.” Azula smiles, leaning close to Kya. 

“Zohara, may I speak to you? We will discuss this further with Fire Lord Azula after we have spoken. Azula, if you even try to leave this room, I will freeze you in ice and send you back to the Fire Nation that way.”

Azula nods, thankful Kya doesn’t say something about the ice melting in the Fire Nation. “Understood, sir. Thank you for giving me a chance.” The guard nods once, and he and Zohara leave the room. Azula just settles down closer to Kya, falling into a peaceful sleep.

  
  
  


“Wait, wait, wait.  _ Why  _ would you think this is a good idea, Zohara? You’re a waterbender and you want to go into the Fire Nation to heal the previous Fire Lord because the current Fire Lord and a crazy lady asked you to?” One of the guards yells, exasperated.

Zohara signs, clenching her fists. She wants to go. She has an opportunity to leave and have somewhere to go and she wants to take it. “From what it sounds like, he’s chronically injured from extreme torture and is traumatized. He won’t leave the palace, he’s too scared. He can’t walk and can barely eat. First off, as a healer, I think that it is my duty to help those in need. Katara is a skilled waterbender but lacks training in healing. I can continue to teach her and she can pass the skill onto future waterbenders in the South Pole. On top of that, building personal, professional, and political relationships with the Fire Nation is a good idea. We’ve already built a good amount with them coming here, but I can also get insight with going there. I’m sure everyone here has the gnawing fear that the war isn’t really over. I’m not an ideal hostage. I don’t really know any information about the military or anything useful and I’m not a critical member. They have no reason to choose some healer to take hostage, I believe Azula when she says that she just wants her brother back. I think that this is the safest way for one of our own to actually see the situation in the Fire Nation first hand. This is what is best for us all long term.” 

She hadn’t expected to be able to speak so easily and actually make any good argument. Her argument that she doesn’t appreciate being a woman in the Northern Water Tribe is going to actively prevent her from going. Going as a healer, a diplomat, and someone who is at low risk of being held hostage are all benefits. 

The guard walks away for a while, talking with a few others. All Zohara can think about is how she wants a new life. She can be somewhere that she can just be…herself. Perhaps she could be that in the Fire Nation. If not, she could travel elsewhere, maybe the Earth Kingdom. Kanna had made it across the world in just a little boat as a nonbender at 16. Zohara could certainly do it as a bender, with the Fire Lord’s help at 22. 

She would be able to teach a waterbending prodigy healing and possibly even learn to fight from her. She would assess Zuko when she got there, she doesn’t know much about him other than he attacked the Northern Water Tribe along with Zhao years ago. However, if he’s engaged to a Water Tribe boy maybe he has changed? Likely considering he ended the war, could be a long con. However being engaged to someone from the Water Tribe would be unnecessary proof and faking being tortured to get out of it would be difficult to get out of marrying him. He likely is a different person and is genuinely hurt. If he is, he needs help.

The guards walk back over to her, looking solemn. “Zohara, may Tui and La guide you. You’re going to the Fire Nation.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to sketch Zohara but It…it was not good to put it nicely. Drawing my organic chemistry molecules is too much responsibility and skill I don't have. So we using imagination because I don't know any of my friends who know about this fic who can draw, so there is the vibe.  
> Hope you like this boi. Also, Iroh has some rancid fucking vibes right now. I'm not saying he doesn't have reason to be pissed, but still.


	53. Picture of Zohara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to make it so that this is phone friendly and I will as soon as I figure out how. (I think it isn't phone friendly). I can see it fine on my computer even after leaving the page and everything but it comes up wrong on my phone, I don't know why despite the fact I am signed in on both. So if you want to see the drawing of Zohara (you should, it's good) I guess just try on a computer. Tell me if that isn't true. I am not going to the campus library today to see it on other computers. Is windy, snowy, and in the freaking mountains.

Here is a lovely drawing of Zohara from SapphicStrawberry (who is cool as heck btw). She is pretty:)


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sorry that this is kinda short and not all that good. I have had 4 tests this week, organic chemistry, cell biology, genetics, and statistics. Also a paper for my writing within the dispassion class. And my organic chemistry lab. And a date (date went well, we are meeting again). I also spent a lot of time working on the chapter for the (mis)adventures of Zuko and Toph which I posted Wednesday morning and Wednesday is when my school schedule got crazy. I was also really excited to write that chapter so this fic kinda got pushed to the side next week. Next chapter should be better and they should be reuniting the Fire Nation.

Sokka had spent the two days after he had been released from the healing hut helping out around the tribe. He had gone ice fishing (something he missed more than he thought he ever would) and helped do maintenance on some of the boats. He had mostly missed the Water Tribe food. He filled himself with stewed sea prunes, tenetical soup, pickled fish, seal jerky, and five flavored soup. Zuko had once learned how to make five flavor soup from Gran Gran, but he likely doesn’t know how to anymore. Also, where Zuko’s stew is really good, he can’t get the ingredients in the Fire Nation as good as in the poles. Sokka had missed Water Tribe food so much and Bato kept beating him off of it. Sokka had accused him of not thinking of Sokka as his real son and that and wanting to starve him because Bato wants to save the food for his ‘real children’.

After that comment, Bato had just stared at him blankly for a full minute, making Sokka realize how stupid he was. Bato didn’t  _ have  _ children. Well, he does now whether he likes it or not. Also, he had gotten close with Azula. The two of them would sometimes stand around in the hallways of the palace and just give people very judgmental looks before breaking down in laughter over absolutely nothing that anyone else could see. Sokka just pegged them both as socially inept, Sokka hating, assholes. 

Sokka knows that they are going to be leaving soon. The guards are all doing better, Suki has recovered and is just being examined, and he has heard that Azula is doing better. He’s glad. That means that when they get home, Sokka can scream at Suki and Azula until his voice gives out about planning to kill Zuko. Along with everyone else who was in on this. He’s having trouble remembering the conversation they had. But he knows that Azula and Suki were involved. He is going to lose his shit at them. 

He is going to. Right now he needs to cool off. He is walking along the outside of the village, around the caves where the stones to make betrothal necklaces could be found. He had asked one of the healers more about the stones and the cultural significance. He had nothing much better to do than talk and Zuko had come to like hearing trivia. Information that is just someone talking to him that he isn’t expected to respond or react to. Much simpler way of communication. Seems to make him feel safer.

Sokka had learned that the stone they came from was Spectrolite, a stone that could only be found in the Northern Water Tribe. It came in other colors than blues and purples, but those were the most common and what was preferred to be used. Most of the time, they would remain unpolished, however, if an arranged marriage became a marriage of love, they would be polished until they shined. Looking as if the Aurora was inside of it. A bit of the spirits light shining through. Sokka would polish the out of the necklaces until they looked like spirit portals. He would, however, glare at Suki the entire time he was polishing hers. He wants her to know that he loves her but is absolutely furious with her right now. 

Apparently, the stones are supposed to be the scales of Tui and La’s earthly forms, turned to stone by time, and filled with the light of the Aurora. Connecting the wearer to the spirits. Protecting them from harm. 

Zuko would like that last part. He doesn’t care if it’s true or not, he just wants Zuko to feel safe. He wants Zuko to feel loved. Protected by spirit may make him feel safer.

Sokka had collected a pocket full of stones that he would try and carve. Considering the fact that Zuko isn’t Fire Lord anymore, he won’t be expected to marry. He, Sokka, and Suki could just all kinda be engaged. Whatever happened, Sokka knows that he loves them both so much and wants to spend the rest of his life with them. He knows that Zuko has a lot of trauma surrounding his old necklace and will likely never want to touch it again. He may also not want to wear it as a necklace at all resembling the old one if he was forced to wear it while being raped. It might feel too much like the old one. The thought of that still fills Sokka with fury. 

Sokka could make it into a pin to go on his clothes, or make it so Zuko could tie his hair up with it, or turn it into a bracelet. All he knows is that he would make sure Zuko feels safe. He would never want to put Zuko through anything else that traumatized him. Nothing else that broke him. Too much of that had already been done.

He just wants his relationship with Suki and Zuko to continue. He wants to be able to fall asleep with them next to him. He wants to wake up to feel their warm bodies casually and comfortable laying on each other. He wants to wake up to the feeling of Zuko kissing pressing soft kisses to his cheeks and neck, asking him to get up at some forsaken hour. 

Sokka would give just about anything to be woken up far too early by the feeling of Zuko’s warm, rough and bitten lips pressing against his skin. To just see his awkward, hopeful smile, wanting Sokka to come train with him. He would give anything to get up, kiss Suki goodbye if she was sleeping with them and complain loudly to Zuko that Suki got to sleep in and he didn’t. Zuko would justify her doing so by saying she had to stay up later. 

He would give anything to train with Zuko as the sun rose, finally walking to the kitchens, body bruised and sore to eat an enormous breakfast and tell Suki and Zuko about weird dreams he had that night. He would get to watch Zuko chuckle softly, drinking tea, claiming that he would eat later. Watch Suki eat vegetables and rice all while telling Sokka how good she slept after he and Zuko had left and how she loved sleeping in. 

He just wants to spend easy time with the people he loves most in the world. He wants to hear them laugh, see them smile, tease them, confess his love, argue with them over petty things, and hold them. He just wants things to go back to the way they were when Zuko was okay. When Zuko was alive. He needs him to be alright. He needs his love to be alright. 

Sokka begins to make his way back towards the village. He can start carving something on the stones. He would need to make them Water Tribe, Earth Kingdom, and Fire Nation. He was skilled enough to do that maybe. Suki had made fun of Sokka’s betrothal necklace that he had proposed to Zuko with, but Zuko claimed he loved it. Even a few weeks later when Sokka had gotten Toph’s help with making even, intricate designs on it, the Fire Nation insignia in front of the Water Tribe one opposed to the sun and the mood, Zuko had claimed he liked the one Sokka had made better. Sokka had said that it wouldn’t hurt his feelings if Zuko liked the one Toph made because she’s a literal earthbender, Zuko had clutched the one Sokka had carved to his chest, insisting he liked the one Sokka had made more. 

Sokka had taken that as Zuko just thought that Sokka was better at carving. He hadn’t even considered the reason that Zuko liked it more was because Sokka had made it and not because it was actually good. He had somehow forgotten that Zuko carried around a smelly sandal for weeks because it was Iroh’s. 

He gets back to the village and sees that the airship is being loaded back up. Sokka runs over towards it, trying to find someone who he recognizes. He sees Aang who is somehow still just wearing his monk’s robes. He knows airbenders can regulate their temperatures, but this is ridiculous. 

“Aang! Are we leaving? Is everyone alright? Where’s Suki? Is she alright? Did she recover?” He wants to see her, to hold her, to scream at her, to tell her that he loves her, to let her know how furious he is with her. He didn’t start a fight while she was healing. He knew that if they fought and she died, he would never forgive himself. She would die thinking he hated her. Where Sokka is supremely indignant at the fact Suki was ready and willing to kill Zuko, Sokka still loves her. He loves her so much and wants his life to be perfect like it was before Zuko had been taken. Where he was with the two most amazing people in the world. How, despite everything, they chose to be with him. The leader of the Kyoshi warriors and the Fire Lord wanted to be with Sokka, a Southern Water Tribe peasant. He wants his life to go back to how it was when he could just live it with them. Not worry about Zuko every time he leaves the room, that Zuko may do something irreversible to himself out of fear. 

“Hey Sokka, she’s fine. She’s on the airship along with Azula and Bato. Kya is helping a waterbender healer back her things. She’s coming back to the Fire Nation with us to help heal Zuko. She is apparently skilled in chronic injury and she and Azula apparently are friends of sorts. So Zuko is going to be alright as well. He’s gonna be fine. I’m so sorry that he isn’t now…but he will. He  _ has _ to. I need to let him know how sorry I am…how…he just needs to be alright.” Aang says, his voice growing quieter and sadder as he speaks, grabbing onto Sokka’s arm and pulling him into the airship. He has his head lowered, halfway trying to hide the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“He  _ will  _ be fine, Aang. There isn’t another option. He has to be okay. I-I'd give anything to make him okay again. I think it would be good for you to see him again. He’s grown less afraid of other men and you’re even more gentle than Iroh. Also, you guys were good friends before all of this. I think it would be good for both of you to reconnect. But…why would you need to apologize to him? You wore yourself to the bone reaching your spirit out to find him. If we had found him any later than we did, there would be nothing left of him to fix. You also risked a lot personally to help with the New Ozai Society. You have nothing to apologize for, Aang. Things would be a lot worse without you.”

Aang sits down near the side of the ship, pulling his knees to his chest. “If I had done what everyone told me to do, my friends, allies, past lives and just killed Ozai 8 years ago, Zuko would be okay. He could talk without stuttering, he wouldn’t be under some messed up assumption that all men are going to assault him and there are a few exceptions to that. He could see fire, the damn  _ Fire  _ Lord could be around fire without breaking down. He would be able to walk, have a healthy relationship with you and Suki, he wouldn’t constantly be scared. He would be alright. He wouldn’t be broken, Sokka. I wish I could go back and kill Ozai. I should have known it was for the greater good. Should have known Ozai wasn’t fully human. If I wasn’t so fucking weak I–”

“Aang, stop. It wasn’t your fault. You were 13 years old and expected to kill someone. You were a literal child expected to take someone else’s life. You blaming yourself won’t undo what was done to Zuko. H–”

“Zuko, if Ozai was dead, Zuko–”

“And if Suki and I had been in bed with Zuko he wouldn’t have been taken. We left him alone and he was taken. If there had been more aggressive attacks on the New Ozai Society, the attack wouldn’t have been as strong and effective. On top of that, Zuko is the Fire Lord. If he wanted his father dead, if he thought that taking his bending away wasn’t effective enough, he would have had Ozai executed. He could have killed his father after the fact and he didn’t. We can play the blame game all day and it doesn’t change the fact that this is Ozai’s and the New Ozai Society’s fault and no one else’s. It doesn’t change the fact that Zuko was broken. It won’t help anyone. I know it’s hard not to blame yourself…I still think about what could have happened if Suki and I were in the room that night. We could have defended him, could have helped him. Tearing ourselves up about it won’t change anything. Just, please, try and be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with Zuko when you talk to him next. He needs people to be gentle with him right now.”

Aang lets out a sad laugh. “When did you get smart, captain boomerang?” 

Sokka can’t help but to crack a small smile. “What is with you guys and not appreciating my genius. You guys always remember me getting high on cactus juice but don’t remember me being a part of inventing the war balloon on submarines. Maybe you, Toph, Suki, and Zuko should all date and make fun of me all day.”

Aang holds Sokka’s hand briefly, smiling at him. “Thank you, Sokka. Really. It’s so awful that Ozai could even think about hurting Zuko like that. I remember when Zuko rescued me from Zhao, I know his intentions were not honorable, but still, he risked a lot to get me out of there. When the archer knocked him out and I saw who it was, I knew that I would be safer if I left him behind. He had chased us across the world and leaving him behind would lose us an enemy and not slow me down. Even when we were on opposing sides, even though at that point I didn’t know how cruelly he would have been treated by Fire Nation soldiers, even though I wouldn’t be the one hurting him…the thought of leaving him there…just the thought broke my heart. I can’t imagine looking at him and wanting to hurt him. Choosing to break him. It’s so horrible, Sokka.” 

Aang meets Sokka’s Sokka’s eyes, on the verge of crying. Sokka just wraps his arms around his friend, feeling hot tears well in his eyes. “He's so kind, so gentle, so loving. Don’t get me wrong, he’s an angsty piece of shit and a pain in my ass…if you make a sex joke about that I’ll anayalate you, it’s not the time. But…my last memory of actual  _ Zuko  _ was sitting by the turtle duck pond, him holding one in his hands, half asleep next to me. If anyone were to ever see him like that I can’t imagine not wanting to love and protect him forever. I need him back, Aang. I can’t do this without him.”

“Zuko survived swimming underwater for several minutes in the arctic, being beat up by Katara in the North Pole during the full moon, got thrown into a blizzard, got beat up by Katara  _ again _ , and then a fight with a skilled firebending admiral during a battle while I was fighting through the ocean spirit close to him. He’s also been struck by lightning. He can pull through this too. He’s strong, Sokka. He may not fully be the same, but you’ll get your man back.” 

Sokka chuckles sadly. “Zuko is an idiot and I love him so much.” He looks over and sees the doors closing, Suki standing by them next to Azula and an unknown Water Tribe woman. She must be the healer coming to help Zuko.

“Excuse me Aang, sorry to break up this lovely chat, but I have to go pick a fight with my girlfriend and future sister-in-law. I’ll see you later. Hopefully.”

Aang raises an eyebrow but doesn't ask what he needs to fight them on. “Have fun, don’t let them kill you. You’re the weakest person in that fight.

“Thanks for the pep talk asshole.” Sokka calls back, flipping Aang off as he walks over to two of the most terrifying women he knows, ready to lose his mind at them or lose his head because of them.

  
  
  


Zuko hadn’t wanted to be away from Mai, she made him feel safe, however, she hadn’t wanted to be away from Ty Lee for too much longer which had led to their current situation. Zuko liked it. He is comfortably and safely sandwiched between Mai and Ty Lee in their bed. They’re safe, warm, and gentle. Mai had spent a good amount of time brushing out and rebraiding Ty Lee’s hair while Ty Lee had went on about how Zuko’s aura was getting some color back to it again finally. 

He has no idea what that’s supposed to mean but she talked about it like it’s a good thing and it’s nice to listen to her talk. She drives out any unwelcome thoughts that may have wandered into Zuko’s mind. Nothing she says holds much weight, it’s just friendly. He likes her too. 

Eventually Mai had insisted that Ty Lee gets some rest so she can heal properly. She had claimed that she wasn’t tired but fell asleep within ten minutes, one arm draped around Zuko’s waist. Mai is on his other side, facing towards him, eyes closed, one hand cupping his cheek.

Zuko hadn’t felt this calm in a while. His fears of Azula, Sokka, or Suki not making it weren’t as strong, he’s fears of anymore pain dissipating. He feels relatively safe. 

Zuko hears a quiet knock at the door looking up. “Y-yes?” He whispers, resting a hand on Mai’s shoulder, ready to wake her up if he didn’t know who walked through the door. He didn’t  _ want  _ to wake her up, but he  _ can’t  _ go back. He would rather die. Anymore pain like that was a fate worse than a thousand deaths. 

The door slowly opens and uncle walks into the room looking worn down, tired and…angry. He looked so angry. Hauntingly angry. It was a look Zuko had recognized on father too often. That anger had always been directed at Zuko. That anger had always meant unbearable pain. It had been almost two weeks since Zuko had seen uncle and he doesn’t want Iroh near him like this. Doesn’t want uncle near him while his is this angry. Zuko can feel the anger in the air, feel it in his bones. 

Uncle begins walking towards the bed, a warm smile on his face but hate and cruelty in his eyes. Zuko can’t help but to yelp loudly pressing up against the wall, trembling. “D-don’t come near me…please stay away. Don’t. Please, uncle.”

Zuko grabs Mai’s shoulder, shaking her gently, needing her to wake up, needing her to help him, needing her to protect him. If uncle hurt him…there would be no going back. It would shatter something in Zuko that could never be repaired. Uncle had been his safe haven for years. He had been the man who had seen good and worth in Zuko when no one else had. He had given Zuko chances time and time again no matter how many times Zuko broke the old man’s heart or disappointed him. Iroh still loved him and cared for him. If Iroh hurt him, Zuko wouldn’t survive it. If uncle wasn’t safe, no one was. 

“Nephew, it’s alright, what’s wrong? I won’t come near you, but will you at least tell me what’s wrong? I would never hurt you, Zuko. Never.” Uncle's words are soft, and even. There is concern in his expression but still so much bitter anger. However, true to his word, uncle doesn’t come any closer. 

“Hmmm? Zuko, what’s the matter? You alright? You in trouble? I have my knives. I’ll cut someone.” Mai says sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Zuko immediately feels guilty for waking her but he can’t tear his eyes, wide with fear, away from uncle. His kind hearted tea loving uncle who is still smoldering with so much anger. 

“H-he’s so angry…he’s so angry…s-so angry, he’ll hurt me when he’s angry.” Zuko whimpers, pulling Mai close, trembling. 

“Who’s angry? What’s going on?” she mumbles, looking briefly at Iroh but continues to search the room as if she couldn’t feel the choking anger coming from Iroh. As if it wasn’t blinding her, suffocating her. 

“Nephew, I would never hurt you. I’m not angry  _ at _ you, I’m angry  _ for  _ you, look I-”

“ _ They  _ weren’t always angry at me when he hurt me. Just…angry. Why are you so angry, uncle? Please tell me, it’s not like you. I-I’ve missed you. I want you here, it’s just it I had a memory of you hurting me, I don’t think i'd survive it. Please…just tell me why you're angry, uncle. Please…I need you.”

Iroh lets out a long, slow, defeated sigh. He looks like he is grieving almost. “Please don’t be angry with me, nephew. Trust me when I say that I only wanted to protect you. I only wanted to keep you safe. I spoke with Jae. I found the person who orchestrated your abduction. I killed him. He was hard to find, well hidden, and I was worried that he would try and find you again. I’m angry because when I was about to kill him he expressed absolutely no regret for what he did and wished he could have brought more pain to you. He’s gone now, nephew. You’re safe. I’m so angry that anyone would want to hurt you. Would know what had been done and want to do more to hurt you. I will never let  _ anyone _ harm you again. I swear. May I come closer to you?”

Zuko feels tears well in his eyes.  _ They regret nothing. They want me in so much pain. They want me to break. Want me to suffer. Want to hear me scream.  _ “U-uncle.” He cries, holding onto Mai with one hand, reaching his other towards Iroh. Zuko needs him here, needs him close, needs his love and protection.

Iroh touches Zuko’s tear streaked face, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I love you so much, nephew. You’re safe now. You will be safe. You’ll always have people protecting you. No one will  _ ever _ hurt you like that again.”

_ That’s the problem. I’ll always need help, always needs protecting, I can’t take care of myself anymore. I can’t be alone anymore. I’m just a burden. I can’t give any of this back, ever. I wish you had just killed me in the basement. I wish I was dead. I wouldn’t be scared, wouldn't be in pain, wouldn’t be driving everyone I love away. I’m so sorry.  _ He thinks, crying bitterly into Iroh’s shoulder, feeling Mai’s hand gently rubbing his back.

“Zuko, please remember we chose to find you, chose to help you. You didn’t make us do anything. Just because you might not be able to do everything you used to on your own when you recover doesn’t mean you’re worthless. You’re just different and need a little more help. We love you so much, please be gentle with yourself.” Mai says softly as if she could read his thoughts. 

So many people had said something similar to him. Most of his friends had given him examples of disabled people they had met throughout the world who were still able to contribute to society and pull their weight. They didn’t seem to understand that Zuko was different. He didn’t just need a crutch or a wheelchair. His permanent disability wouldn’t just be physical. He doubts he will ever be able to sleep alone again, ever be alone while awake for long periods of time, never be able to have sex again despite many pleasant memories with Sokka and Suki. He might never be able to meet new grown men without breaking down or a lot of support despite plenty he had met that were kind and loving. He might never be able to be around fire again and could  _ definitely  _ never firebend again. He isn’t disabled, he is  _ broken.  _ None of them seem to understand that. They all seem to think he’s just going to get better one day and he just  _ isn’t.  _

Instead of saying any of that, Zuko just nods once, snuggling closer to uncle. There’s still so much anger tense in his body. Zuo doesn’t understand why chasing down this one man would make uncle so angry considering he had done the same to the New Ozai Society during the palace purge and when Zuko was rescued from the basement. He doesn’t want to push it, doesn’t want to push uncle away. He does want to know why uncle is so overwhelmingly  _ angry.  _

Part of him says that it’s just because uncle is protective over him and is angry that Zuko was hurt. Another part says that uncle is angry at something else as well and this is just what is setting it off. Another part, the part Zuko is trying to ignore, is saying that uncle did something far, far worse. He’s angry because he’s becoming the man Zuko had once been when desperate to complete a mission to fulfill an impossible task. 

Zuko doesn’t ignore that part out of believing it’s stupid. He wants to ignore it because in his bones he knows that it’s  _ right.  _ That his kind, loving uncle is tearing away from him, becoming more like father. Zuko ignores that part because he knows that if it’s true, it might just break him. 

  
  
  
  


Suki knew that Sokka was going to react badly to the promise if he ever found out about it, but she didn’t expect him to be  _ angry.  _ She expected him to be heartbroken. Heartbroken at the fact that the only way to calm Zuko down out of his week long suicidal rage was to promise him death. That Zuko would rather die at the hands of his lover than risk being tortured again. That’s how Suki had felt when Zuko made her promise him. However, she should have known Sokka wouldn’t understand,he had always been particularly emotional and irrational about people he loved. The man broke into a maximum security prison on a hunch his father might be there with absolutely no plan. This was still extreme.

Sokka had pulled her into a room far from everyone else. She had assumed he wanted to spend some quality time together considering they were finally alone and not injured. That idea had dissipated when Azula was there waiting for them. She knew that Sokka would  _ never  _ cheat on her or Zuko, especially not with Azula.

Sokka had pulled her into the room and closed the door behind him, glaring at them with a look that she was sure could set the airship on fire if he were a firebender. Suki and Azula had shared a look briefly. They both knew that Sokka knew. Sokka had now been screaming at them for the better part of ten minutes not sounding like he was anywhere near being done. 

“You were going to fucking  _ kill _ him? That was the decision that you thought was the best of the scenario. You promised Zuko that in the worst case scenario you would kill him? Suki, you were going to kill your boyfriend and partner in crime? And Azula, you were going to kill your own brother? I mean, I know you had tried to kill him multiple times before, but that was before you were cool. You’re not cool anymore though! Who else was in on this? I know that Katara was, my own fucking sister who neglected to tell me this. I know Toph was, Zuko’s  _ best friend.  _ I know Iroh was, Zuko’s uncle who has raised him as his own for years. What is fucking  _ wrong  _ with you? I thought you fucking loved him! I keep feeling like I am the only person who loves Zuko enough. You wanted to wait to go find him. You wanted to kill him. You didn’t let me stay up all night trying to come up with any possible other plan and didn’t work with me on it day in and out. We could have found him sooner! Why don’t you love him?!”

Suki feels anger boiling inside of her at the last comment. So much of her wants to lash out at Sokka, physically and verbally. Before she can start yelling she sees Sokka shoved to the ground, Azula standing over him, seathign. 

“Azula, don’t hit him!”

“I didn’t hit him, I  _ shoved  _ him. Also, Sokka, don’t you  _ dare  _ tell us that we don’t love Zuko. That  _ everyone _ who took care of Zuko doesn’t love him.” Her voice is dangerously calm. Sokka has moved up on his arms, sitting up a little, glaring at Azula but not standing.

“I don’t know why you think we were going to kill Zuko, but it sure wasn’t for any of us. We all knew that it was a punishment for our failure for protecting him. It wasn’t because we were giving up on him. It’s because it’s a better fate. It would destroy me if I had to kill Zuko. It would have destroyed any of us. I can assure you, it would be better to hold him in my arms one more time, tell him that he’s loved, and slit his throat that what would have been done to him. I want you to remember how we found him.  _ Really _ remember. How much pain he was in, how scared he was. His arms and legs were about to be fucking ripped off, he couldn’t breath properly because of that position and I have  _ no  _ idea how long or how often he was chained like that. He had been whipped, starved, raped, drugged, burned, beaten, he-”

“Azula,  _ stop _ ! I know how we found him. I was there. I was the one who carried him up, had to listen to him beg for Ozai and not know who he was. I had to try and give him his betrothal necklace back only to learn he had been raped with it on!”

“Then you know he was going to be sentenced to a fate worse than death!” It is one of the few times Suki has actually heard Azula scream and she can’t help but flinch a little, Sokka does as well. Azula is trembling, looking like she is between breaking down and attacking Sokka viciously. “You aren’t the only one who loves him Sokka. He  _ begged  _ for death. He tried to kill himself, he was so scared. Promising him death was the only way to get him to calm down. That’s why he all of a sudden started eating again and not begging for death whenever someone was in the room. He knew what he needed.”

Sokka sits up, wiping tears from his eyes. “Th-that doesn’t mean you get to  _ take  _ him from me. I  _ need  _ him. I can’t do this without him. Suko…please tell me you feel the same way. You can’t tell me that things could  _ ever  _ be okay if Zuko died.”

Suki feels poin clutch at her heart, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Sokka…it would break my heart if we had to kill Zuko.” She whispers. “But, I would rather have him dead with his last memory of safety that to be taken again. If he were to ever be taken again, there would be no way we could ever convince him that he was safe. We could lock him away forever and he would still be scared. You don’t have to agree with what I was willing to do to protect Zuko or ever understand. Just please, know that I only had his best interests at heart, all of us did. Know it would have been the ultimate punishment to have to kill him knowing we couldn’t do enough. Please, Sokka, you have a right to be upset about this, you do, but Zuko is alive. We’re bringing a healer who is more trained than Katara. We can talk about this more later. We can talk about it with Zuko. He should be a part of this conversation. Please, Sokka.” Suki says softly.

She is grateful when Sokka slowly and grudgingly nods. “Fine, I’m angry at you. You’re going to have to buy me a lot of meat to make up for this.”

She hears Azula chuckle softly. At least Sokka is willing to bring back some of his humor. He’s just angry, this isn’t something he’ll end their relationship over. Hopefully.

Suki smiles. “I’ll buy you all the meat you want. When we get back, Zuko is going to need us, alright. Let’s just be loving and supportive of him. He’s out of danger now, we have time to talk about this. Let’s just try and not let it become a screaming match again. It will accomplish nothing. Just love him with me Sokka.” Suki says softly, kneeling next to Sokka and embracing him. 

She turns to Azula to tell her that Zuko would need her as well but just sees the door standing open and hears her cheerfully calling for someone named Zohara. She can’t help but smile to herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was at least decent. I'm also posting it now opposed to later because even though I have more time in the day I am leaving in a little bit for Galentines day with my church friends and I will be there until…late.  
> Also I had to make biscotti because my date has never even heard of them before ad I'm realizing that biscotti are not a common dessert in America and it is weird because we always grew up making them (like sure my dads side of the family immigrated from Italy but that was over 100 years ago so we aren't really Italian).  
> Also, I finally fixed the picture of Zohara that SapphicStrawberry made, so if you tried to see it when it was messed up, it is not messed up anymore because I found my braincell


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, I decided to not be an angsty little shit and kill people off which was probably the right call.  
> Today my roommate and I are going to get our first tattoos like just in a few ours so I'm super excited.

Zuko had fallen asleep in uncle’s arms. He had wanted to let Mai and Ty Lee get some rest without Zuko freaking out on uncle about his anger. Zuko still couldn’t fully place it, he knew there was something very wrong with uncle. He knew uncle was incredibly angry at something. Zuko doesn’t understand at what or why. However, he knew that uncle was honest when he said he wouldn’t hurt Zuko. That he would protect him at all costs. Despite everything, he feels safe and comfortable here with uncle. 

“Hey, Zuko, Iroh, get up, the ship is back. It’s landing now. They’re back. Get up, they’re back!” Zuko groans softly, opening his eyes, seeing Hakoda standing over him and uncle. “Wh-what?” he whimpers as he feels uncle letting go of him, standing up. Zuko doesn’t fully know what is going on. 

He watches Hakoda get his wheelchair and uncle picks him up, setting him down gently. “What’s going on?” He repeats louder, growing worried, confused, and irritated that neither man is answering him. He feels stupid for not knowing. For not understanding. For once again needing more help manuving the basics of life.

“Sokka, Kya, and Bato!” Hakoda’s voice is frantic. “As well as the others, I would assume, I hope. Let’s just go. Come on!” He rushes out the door. It makes sense that Hakoda would immediately think of his family, but it doesn’t help anxiety from pooling in Zuko’s stomach. Terrified that they won’t make it. That Zuko will have killed them. That everyone will know that Zuko is responsible for their deaths. That they’ll turn on him for his crimes. He’ll deserve it. 

Uncle wraps a blanket around Zuko to keep him warm. Despite the perpetual heat in the Fire Nation, Zuko is now always chilled to the bone. It is likely due to both his weight and the fact he can’t firebend. Apparently, he used to regulate his temperature and ran pretty hot most of the time. Now, despite the fact that most people are sweating in barely anything, Zuko is still shivering in several layers when not pressed up against someone else. He needs someone else’s body heat to keep warm.  _ I’m a parasite. If they’re dead, a parasitoid. I always will be, they’ll always know it. They’ll finally understand that they need to free themselves of me to live.  _ He knows it will break his heart when they realize that. Luckily, he won’t have to feel that pain for long. He won’t live much longer.

Zuko closes his eyes, whimpering quietly as uncle begins to push him towards where the airship should be landing. “Uncle?” He whispers when they get out the front door, the warmth of the sun washing over him, stirring something deep inside him that he is too terrified of to acknowledge or explore. 

“Yes, nephew?” Uncle’s voice is soft despite the look in his eyes. When Toph is done interviewing any and all officials who wish to keep their titles, he will need to ask her to talk to uncle with him. Or maybe Aang, he was able to learn seismic sense, maybe he could detect lies as well. His abilities aren’t as refined, but considering the fact that people's lives aren’t on the line, Zuko can afford to go with second best. He  _ really  _ needs to know why uncle is so angry. He  _ knows  _ uncle was lying about being angry at the strategist he tracked down. Zuko just isn’t sure about what specifically.

“If Sokka died and Hakoda, Katara, Kya, Suki, or Bato want me dead because I killed him, let them at me. Please don’t protect me. I know you’ll only have my best interests at heart, but please, let them at me. They deserve vengeance if I killed Sokka. If Azula or Suki dies, or if Sokka died but the others don’t want me dead…please don’t leave me alone no matter how much I beg. I’ll kill myself if I’m left alone. If they decide to forgive me for my sins…I’ll have to as well.” Zuko digs his nails into his skin as the airship begins to land.

“They aren’t dead. They haven’t died, I promise you that they haven’t died. They’re all too strong and stubborn for that. They’re going to be fine. You’re going to have your girlfriend and boyfriend back, you’re going to have your sister back. Before you know it, you, the rest of team Avatar, and Azula are going to be ganging up on Sokka for doing stupid stuff. You’re going to be alright nephew. I promise.” Uncle gently rests a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, trying to comfort him. 

_ I hope you’re right. I need you to be right. Please be right. I need them. I need them so bad.  _ The airship door opens and Zuko grips uncle’s hand tight, tears rolling down his cheeks. He needs them to be alive. They  _ have  _ to be alive. 

Aang is the first one out, rushing over to an exhausted and overworked Katara who no one had dared talk to. Zuko knows that she isn’t cruel, that she is just pushed to her limits and therefore snippy. He knows that the worst she would do is yell at him, but he’s been terrified to even look at her ever since the attack. Zuko knows it’s his fault that there are so many injured people who need his help. Katara has every right to lash out at him for causing her to suffer. For being the reason so many are injured.

The next people out are some guards who had been injured. That at least means that they were able to get to the Northern Water Tribe and received help. Bato is out next, running over to Hakoda, embracing and kissing him. Katara and Aang join them, embracing Bato as well. He doesn’t seem distressed. That eases Zuko’s nerves some. 

Suki and Sokka are next out and Zuko tries to move himself forward in his wheelchair. He still hasn’t built any strength up in his arms to move himself and pain still shoots down his arms and back when he tries. He goes between wanting to hide in bed forever and wanting some mobility but quickly growing irritated with himself for not having the strength and giving up, hating himself. He knows he just needs to be persistent, but he just gets so emotional and worked up easily. Part of him wishes he had never been found. That he had been left to die in that basement along with so much of his soul.

Luckily, he doesn’t need to move forward. Sokka runs over to his family first and he is quickly followed by Kya. Suki runs over to Zuko immediately, kneeling down and flinging her arms around him. She immediately begins peppering his face with soft, chaste kisses. “I love you, I love you, I love you so much, turtleduck. You’re safe now, I love you.” She whispers between kisses. Zuko just clutches her tight, tears trickling down his cheeks. 

“I thought I’d lost you. I-I really thought I’d lost you. Did Azula make it? Is she alive? Did anyone die because of me?” He can hear the terror in his voice. To his releaf, Suki smiles. “Azula’s fine. Her coordination will still take a few more days to fully get back, but she will make a full recovery. Zohara will keep an eye on her, also on you. She’s a healer and Azula’s friend. She won’t hurt you, she’s offered to help heal you. As skilled as Katara is, she has no experience in chronic injury, Zohara does. Will you be willing to at least meet her? We would never bring anyone here who would hurt you.”

Suki’s eyes are wide, honest, and hopeful. Zuko nods, biting his lip, clutching Suki’s hand tight. “I will, Suki. I trust you and I trust Azula.” 

Suki smiles at him. “Thank you, love. Also, turtleduck, Sokka found out about what we promised you. He knows who was involved as well. I’m not sure how, but he does. He’s angry, he blew up at me and Azula. He won’t hurt you, I promise, but I just want you to know he’s going to want to talk to you at some point. Azula made it clear if he yells at you she’ll beat him up. He just doesn’t understand why you needed that out, he didn’t see how horrible you were when you first got back…he wasn’t there for so much of it. Please just know that, alright, my love.” Suki says softly. Zuko nods, kissing her gently, seeing Sokka coming towards him out of the corner of his eye.

Zuko looks up just in time to see Sokka before he throws his arms around Zuko as well a bit too forcefully, causing Zuko to flinch. “I’m sorry, turtleduck.” Sokka whispers as he presses kisses to Zuko’s face. “I love you, I love you. I can’t lose you, turtleduck. I need you, fire lily.” Zuko is glad that Suki had told him that Sokka knew about the promise. He would have been confused about that statement. Zuko wasn’t the one in danger of dying. 

Zuko wraps his arms around Sokka’s neck, kissing him gently. “I love you so much, Sokka. I was so worried that I had lost you guys. Will you sleep with me tonight? Both of you? I’ve missed you.” He kisses Sokka again before nuzzling his cheek.

“Of course, my love.” Suki whispers, kissing Zuko’s cheek at the same time as Sokka says: “I would love nothing more than that, turtleduck.” Despite everything that has happened to him, Zuko doesn’t think anyone could ever be happier than he feels right now. The two people he loves are back. They still love him, they still want him. They’re going to keep him safe and warm tonight. “I love you.” Zuko whispers.

“Brother!” He hears Azula cry. He lifts his head, seeing her walking out next to an unfamiliar Water Tribe woman. Azula seems happier than she has been in…ever. She is leaning on a cane and the woman, who he guesses is Zohara, is watching her movements carefully, ready to intervene if she falls. Zuko wants to feel happy to see her. He just feels guilty at what he has done to her. 

They reach him and Azula almost collapses trying to bend down, Zohara helps her before she can hit the ground. Zuko doesn't know anything about her, but he knows she is willing and ready to protect his sister. Zuko will find a way to trust her himself. He’ll have to.

Azula wraps her arms around him and Zuko hugs her back. “I’m so sorry, Azula…I…I’m so sorry I did this to you, I–”

“Hey, brother, please, this wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault. I know you don’t believe me, but it isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you in the least. It’s father’s fault and the New Ozai Society members. They did this to me, not you. You didn’t ask for any of this.” She presses a kiss to his forehead before turning to the Water Tribe woman. “Brother, this is Zohara. She’s here to help you. She’s kind, gentle, and I trust her. I’m asking you to trust her too. Can you do that?”

Zuko bites his lip, nodding, looking at Zohara, avoiding her eyes. “Hello, what would you like me to call you?” Zohara asks. Zuko is about to ask why she didn’t know his name already considering it had probably been mentioned when he remembers that everyone here had been unconscious when he had reclaimed his name. It’s why none of them called him by it. He had gotten so used to it for months. 

“You can call me Zuko.” He says softly, gripping Azula’s hand tightly, shivering a little. 

“You’re going by your name again, turtleduck?” Sokka asks, touching his cheek with the tips of his fingers. 

Zuko leads into the gentle touch. He had missed Sokka so much. Zuko never wants Sokka to stop touching him. “I want it back. I don’t want father to have it anymore. Please don’t yell it, though. I want it to be mine again.” He turns his head, pressing his lips against Sokka’s wrist.

“Whatever you need, Zuko. I want you back. I want you to feel safe and happy again. I love you so much, Zuko.” Sokka begins to pull his hand away and Zuko grabs his wrist with his free hand. “Please don’t stop touching me. I-I’m sorry, I’ve just needed you. I’m glad you’re back. You’re warm and safe.”

Sokka gives him a sad look. “Do you want to go to the turtleduck pond? Or go to your room? I’ll stay with you, my love.” Zuko feels warmth blooming in his chest.

“Actually,” Zohara cuts in, looking a little nervous. “I was wondering if we could try and start getting you used to me, Zuko. I have a vague idea about what happened to you and I’ll need to touch you a lot to heal you properly. You’ve waited a long time to start healing and the longer we wait, the worse you will continue to get and the harder it will be to heal you fully. I’m not going to force you to do anything, Zuko, and whoever you want to be with you can be there, but would you be willing to sit down with me and let me at least examine you?” Zohara asks, her voice is soft and kind.

Zuko looks up at Azula, meeting her eyes for a second before they flit away.  _ Can I trust her, Azula?  _ He thinks, hoping he can.

“It’s alright, Zuko. She’s kind, she’s safe. Zohara will do nothing to harm you. I promise you that. She won’t hurt you. Will you give her a chance?” Azula cups his cheek, looking at him sadly. Zuko bites his red, bloody lip again, nodding once. 

He feels himself being wheeled back towards the palace, still gripping Azula’s hand in his own, and Sokka’s fingers still touching him softly.  _ It’s going to be okay, it has to be okay.  _

  
  
  
  


Zohara never thought that she would ever set foot in the Fire Nation, especially not as a guest. Certainly not to heal any member of the royal family, but here she was. She had kind of befriended Azula who is the sitting Fire Lord and would likely do the same with her brother, Zuko. Just seeing him made her heart ache. She knew he was in his early to mid twenties, but he was so skinny and wrapped up in layers of clothing and blankets despite the insufferable heat of this country. He was so small, he barely looked 15. His speech was horrible, he was constantly trembling, likely from fear and cold, his eyes never made contact, he would dig his nails into his arms, and he was so horribly skinny. His face is gaunt and hollow, eyes sunken, lips bitten up and trembling. His skin is so pale that his scar is the only part of his face that actually looks like someone’s skin who’s still breathing. His hands look like broken spider legs. Long, spindly, crooked, but he has little control over them. She doesn’t want to see what the rest of his body looks like, it’s almost certainly worse. He must be in so much pain.

They slowly make their way into a large bedroom, likely Zuko’s, but definitely someone high ranking like Iroh or Azula. The Avatar, Aang, is already in the room with another Water Tribe woman who looks to be around Zohara’s age. She is likely the Southern Water Tribe waterbender, Katara. There is another woman in the room, she looks to be older, her hair is fully dark silver. It looks strong and healthy, not like it gets when someone is of old age. She is tall, slender with an angular face. Her eyes are wide and dark, almost fully black. Zohara has no idea how old she is and the only things that signify her as Fire Nation are her top knot and red clothing. She could be from anywhere and Zohara would believe her claim.

“This is Iyasu, Zuko’s psychiatrist. Thought it would be good to have her here as well. She has a better understanding of what he needs.” Azula says, breathing heavily, it was likely difficult for her to walk at this pace in her current condition. Azula had mentioned that Zuko was  _ more  _ stubborn than herself. She is not looking forward to the unnecessary pain Zuko will put himself through if Azula is doing this over far less. 

“I’m going to go heat up the water while he is in here. Get him used to you.” Iroh kneels down in front of Zuko. “Is it alright if I go in there and heat up the water?” He nods towards the bathroom. “I would  _ never  _ burn you, nephew. If you're scared, you can leave the room. I promise, no one will hurt you ever again.”

Zohara looks over at Azula, confused. Firebenders  _ aren’t _ afraid of fire. What had been done to him? Something unspeakable horrible must have been done if that were the case and it  _ couldn’t  _ be. 

Azula just nods once, a devastated look on her face. Zuko had truly been broken. There was no fully going back from what had been done. 

Iroh leaves and walks into the bathroom, presumably to heat the water. Zohara walks in front of Zuko so she is in his line of vision. “Can I sit you on the bed? I’m going to need to touch you when I examine you. I want you to get used to me. We’re both going to sit on the bed and you can touch me. I won’t grab you, I won’t react physically to anything you do. If you’re doing something I don’t want you to I’ll simply tell you to stop. When the roles are reversed when we get you in the water, you can expect me to do the same. I will stop anything I’m doing upon your request. Does that sound alright?”

Zuko glances at Azula who nods once. Zuko bites his lip, nodding as well. He reaches his hands out to Sokka who lifts Zuko into his arms. “It’s alright, turtleduck, I’ve got you. I love you, you’re safe. I love you so much, fire lily.” he says quietly, sitting Zuko down on the bed and sitting next to him, pressing a kiss to the corner of Zuko’s mouth. 

Zohara sits on the bed, turning her palms up and offering her hands to the trembling man before her. “I have no ill will towards you, Zuko. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m a healer, not a fighter. You can trust me. Anyway, even if I did, it’s not in my best interest to hurt you. I can’t outmatch anyone in this room.”

Zuko reaches out his hand slowly, trembling violently, and whimpering quietly. Sokka rubs his back gently and Suki stands on his other side, whispering quiet praise. The tips of Zuko’s trembling fingers brush over the inside of her forearm. Zohara had heard about firebenders being hot, and Azula definitely is, she was the only firebender Zohara had ever touched up until now. Zuko is ice cold. He feels colder than when a man came rushing into the healing huts with his unconscious son on the verge of tears. The boy had fallen into the ocean while fishing. He had been fine, it’s a common occurrence and Zohara has been well trained in treating hypothermia, but Zuko should not be this cold. He is cold enough to be a corpse. He certainly couldn’t have hypothermia, not in the intense heat of the Fire Nation. What had happened to him?

Zuko lets out a soft breath, leaning forward and touching her cheek with his other hand, no longer holding Sokka in a death grip. Again, his skin feels like ice against her’s.

He traces her cheek bones and runs his fingers down her arms before finally holding her warm hands in his frozen ones, eyes trained on her lips. He isn’t looking at them intently, just…he looks lost. Empty. Exhausted. 

“Zuko?” She finally asks. “Y-yeah?” He replies, not lifting his eyes.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, just say so and i’ll drop it, but I’ve noticed that you don’t make eye contact. Is there any particular reason you would be willing to tell me? You don’t have to.” She tries to make it clear in her voice that Zuko has a choice in this, that she won’t be mad at him for not answering. 

Zuko bites his tattered lip again, shrugging. “Father told me I was property. Felt wrong to make eye contact if I’m a thing. People try and argue with me about it, just please, don’t. If you’re going to be touching me, I can’t argue about this too. Please.” His voice is so quiet and desperate. It breaks Zohara’s heart. 

“Of course. Whatever you need, Zuko. Also, about examining you, you can still have some clothes on, you don’t need to be naked but I’ll need you in your underwear. It will help me better assess subdermal damage along with surface injuries and scarring. You can undress yourself, you can choose someone to help you, or I can. I won’t touch you in any way you don’t want me to. I’m married if it makes you feel any safer.” She says, touching her necklace. Not happily married, and not that marriage makes it so that someone can’t sleep with others, but she knew Zuko had been assaulted during his captivity. She didn’t know much, but whatever detail may make him feel any safer, she would provide. She certainly wouldn’t touch him inappropriately though, definitely not that. “Also, if you want anyone out of the room before we begin just say so, alright? This is about what makes you feel safe.”

She watches Zuko swallow. “Do I have an option to be in the water with my clothes on? I-I don’t like them off.” He looks up at her with wide, terrified, broken eyes. It takes a lot of strength to not start crying over what had been done to him. Zohara barely knows Zuko and she doesn’t understand how anyone could want to hurt him. How anyone could bring themselves to break this man.

“I’m sorry, Zuko, I need to be able to see you. I want to be able to heal you properly. You can be in your underwear but I need to see you. You can hold someone’s hand the entire time if you need to, we can take breaks if you need me to stop touching you or for me to walk away. I understand that you don’t know me and you’re afraid, but I won’t hurt you. The sooner we do this, the sooner I can begin to heal you. Is there anyone else that you would like here? Anyone you would like to leave?”

Zuko looks around the room slowly before closing his eyes, exhaling slowly. “Uncle, Aang, Suki, Sokka…I need you to leave. Please. And if either of them are willing to, can Kya and Mai come?” Zuko looks at Sokka and Suki apologetically. Neither of them looked surprised, just sad. 

Considering Zuko had been sexually assaulted, Zohara isn’t surprised that Zuko doesn’t want his romantic and sexual partners here while he is stripping down. She can tell that they love each other and that Zuko trusts them, it hurts that whatever had been done to him left Zuko with this much fear of these people. She doesn’t know why Zuko wants Aang and his uncle to leave. Aang is a little odd, but he’s very sweet and in the brief time Zohara had seen him with Katara, it’s clear he has eyes for no one but her. The fact that Zuko doesn’t want his uncle here is unnerving. She knows that Zuko was taken captive by his own father, that Iroh is family. Ozai had been an evil man but surely…no, he couldn’t, no. She just forces the thoughts out of her head, not wanting to think more about what horrible things were done to this man.

She does like that both Azula and Zuko had grown close to Kya. She’s kinda lost her mind. Okay, Kya has  _ really  _ lost her mind, but she’s a good, loving woman. Zohara has no idea who Mai is, likely someone gentle with Zuko who he trusts. Someone he feels safe with.

“Okay, Zuko, we’re going to start getting your clothes off, is that alright? I promise you that I won’t touch you unprofessionally. I won’t hurt you. I swear in the blessed names of Tui and La, may they strike me down if I have used their names in vain.”

Zuko nods, beginning to pull off his clothes with trembling hands, he eventually caves and lets Azula help. When he is stripped down, Azula picks him up, whispering reassurance as she carries him into the bathroom, slipping him into the steaming water of the large tub, allowing him to squeeze her hand. 

Zohara walks over slowly, pulling a stool up next to the tub sitting down. Zuko has his legs pulled to his chest, face hidden in his knees, one arm wrapped around his legs and the other holding onto Azula’s hand. His whole body is trembling. It sounds like he’s crying quietly. 

“I’m going to touch you now, Zuko. I won’t hurt you. I promise.” She whispers, touching his back gently. She can see his shoulder blades poking out from under his skin, the ridges of his spinal cord, his ribs sticking out from his sides, the outlines of his bones on his arms and legs. He is covered in scars. There are marks that look like they are from a whip covering his back and wrapping around his arms, stomach, and legs. There are circular marks in bands around his arms, neck, and legs that look like burns. There are scars from burns that would correspond with the fingers and hands of grown men. She can see large scars on his wrists that look like they were from cuffs. She runs her fingers through his hair, examining his scalp. She doesn’t see anything that would indicate past physical trauma, but certainly high levels of stress and malnutrition. Zohara isn’t sure how long Zuko has been back, but he still hasn’t been eating properly or enough. She guesses his hair was once a glossy black like Azula’s and many other Fire Nationals. His hair is now very thin, rough, dull and pale. There are plenty of fully gray strands. He’s far too young for this to just have happened, his hair could have begun to gray at a young age from extreme stress. She can’t stop tears from rolling down her cheeks.

“I was told you were forced to stand for extended periods of time for almost four months, is that true, Zuko?” She asks, examining his spine. Zuko just lets out a loud sob, moving closer to Azula. 

“I’ll answer questions for him, I think talking about his experiences while being in a vulnerable position like this is likely too much for him.” Iyasu says calmly, touching Zohara’s shoulder. “Katara said that he has severe spinal and paraspinal damage. She said he likely has damage in his hips as well, but he wouldn’t let her touch him there and he likely won’t let you either at least for a while. Please respect that, I’m sure you can see the scars.” Unfortunately, it is hard to miss the collage of hand-shaped burn scars. She doesn’t even need to have been given information on Zuko’s captivity to know exactly how he had gotten those.

“There is a strong possibility that there is chronic damage in his legs as well. He can’t walk, he can’t even stand without a lot of pain anymore. A lot of it is due to fear and trauma at what was done to him. While standing, he was continuously abused and denied sleep. His arms and legs were also pulled tight in this position, it’s unclear how often and for how long, but it likely caused physical damage. Please just be gentle with him.”

“I would never dream of hurting him.” She doesn’t even mean to say it, it just comes out. But she means it. 

She spends as long as she can examining Zuko’s abused body both with a trained eye and with her bending. She uses most of her energy healing some of the chronic damage that had been done to the poor man. She barely notices when Kya and a woman who must be Mai come in, helping comfort Zuko’s fears with gentle hands and kind words. 

Zohara isn’t sure how long it has been when she pulls away. “I think that should be good for now. I think it would be best for him to get dried off, dressed, and in bed. While he is getting dressed, go get the others who he had sent out before if he is willing to see them now. I’ll share everything all at once if that’s alright with you, Zuko.” 

Zuko nods as he’s helped out of the water, the women slowly helping him get dressed, soothing his broken, exhausted sobs. Trying to warm his frozen, shaking body. 

“He also needs to eat. You  _ need  _ to start gaining weight. Zuko, I don’t know if you have some trauma around eating or it’s just physically hard for you to eat but you have to eat and drink. You’re chronically malnourished and dehydrated. You’re not going to get better if you’re keeping yourself sick.” 

Zuko just wraps his arms around Kya’s neck, burying his face in her shoulder as she walks out of the bathroom with him, nestling him in the bed. The others are already there. They must have been waiting outside the whole time just waiting to hear about Zuko. He has people who love him dearly.

“How broken am I?” Zuko whimpers, now tucked between Suki and Sokka, clutching them both desperately. 

Zohara sighs. “You aren’t broken, Zuko. You’re injured. You’re injured badly. It’s going to take a lot of work and you might not be the same, but you will heal with diligence and time. Are you willing to hear me out?” Thankfully, Zuko nods.

“What I noticed first is your temperature. You’re cold, Zuko. You feel like a hypothermia victim. You have almost no body fat or muscle mass which are your two main insulators to remain at a healthy homeostasis. However, your temperature is too extreme especially due to location in an extremely hot part of the world. Do you have any idea what may have caused this?”

Zuko nods, gripping Suki’s hand a little tighter. “I’m a firebender. I draw that power from Agni, the sun. I was disconnected from Them for months, I couldn’t feel Them. Firebending isn’t just a martial art, it’s a part of me. When I disconnected from Them, my innerflame went out. I can’t firebend anymore unless I reconnect which is really hard. I…I want to be warm but I don’t want to be around fire.” His voice is quiet, ashamed even.

“Wait, Zuko, when I removed your father’s firebending, this didn’t seem to happen to him. He…he just couldn’t firebend.”

“When you removed my brother’s bending, you made it so he was no longer a bender. He was simply a nonbender after that. Zuko is a firebender who has lost his connection with Agni and is still in need of his inner flame. As an Air Nomad, your peoples’ powers came from your connection with spirits, right? If there was ever someone who lost or disrupted that connection that you knew of, they would become unwell.”

Aang nods, slowly. “Avatar Kuruk died of spiritual unwellness. He was originally Water Tribe but still an airbender. I didn’t even think about that, I’m so sorry, Zuko. I’m so sorry I didn’t kill Ozai to end the war, I’m so sorry I let this happen to you. I’m so sorry, Zuko.” Tears roll down His cheeks, looking at Zuko with so much guilt.

Zuko shakes his head, slowly offering Aang his hand. “I-It’s okay, Aang. You didn’t know he would do this. I had the chance to kill him, too. Many chances. You didn’t do this to me, if it wasn’t for you i’d still be there…I’d still be there a-and.” Zuko pulls his hand back, covering his mouth and leaning against Suki who holds him close. 

“You’re not there, my love. You’ll never go back there. No one will ever hurt you again. I love you so much.” 

Zohara looks at them sadly until Zuko pulls away, looking back at her. “That isn’t the only issue you’re facing. You’ve lost a lot of bone density. An enormous amount for someone as young as you are. Along with muscular decay in your arms and legs, your heart has taken a lot of damage. This is likely a mix of starvation, dehydration, and perpetual stress. Your hair, skin, nails, and eyes are discolored due to malnutrition and stress as well. I’m not saying that for vanity purposes, I’m saying it because when it can be seen so clearly in those features that you’re not eating, it means it's bad. You need to start eating and you need to start eating now. You need to start with small meals, or you’ll suffer from refeeding syndrome which can be fatal. Is there a bone broth that you like in particular?”

Zuko shakes his head, biting his lip again. 

“Someone go get him some bone broth. Doesn’t matter what kind. About a tea cup of it. You need to start drinking a tea cup of bone broth once every two hours. It has calcium, potassium, iron, electrolytes and protein. You need all of that. It’s also easy on your stomach. You need fluids, you’re severely dehydrated. I want you drinking at least four cups a day.” She points to the large cup on his bedside table.

To her surprise, Zuko shakes his head. “N-no.”

“What? Why? You  _ need  _ to. Y–”

“No. They can get to my mouth. They’ll choke me again.” He doesn’t sound angry, he sounds scared. 

“No one is going to choke you, Zuko. I won’t let anyone. I’m sure no one in here would  _ ever  _ ch–”

“Half the people in here  _ did. _ ” He growls. Anger hiding more fear and shame. He clutches onto Suki tighter, trying to hide. 

Zohara looks around for answers but sees Azula, Iroh, and Katara looking unfathomably guilty. “What  _ happened _ ?” She demands, eyes narrowing, unsure why she was feeling so protective over a man she doesn’t know. 

“He tried to kill himself. Woke up with him almost dead in my arms. Once Katara healed him, he was angry and violent. We strapped him down and we had to force feed him. None of us knew we were choking him.” Iroh’s voice is mournful and barely audible. 

“Well you were. What did you think was going to happen when you shoved food and water into my mouth while laying down and I freaked out whenever someone got near my mouth already. You  _ saw  _ the muzzle they put on me. Y-you knew that…y-you knew…” He breaks down in tears, collapsing onto Suki’s shoulder.

“How have you been getting him to eat and drink since you did this?” Zohara asks, not trying to even hide the anger in her voice. 

“He makes whoever is there stand on the other side of the room. He drinks usually once a day and will eat once every other day. Sometimes less. I think it’s the frequency that he doesn’t like. It takes him a while to eat or drink, likely out of fear of choking. He likes constantly being touched throughout the day and he can’t be touched while eating.” Sokka says quietly, rubbing Zuko’s shaking back.

“Well, he needs to start relearning how to trust. I’ve been trying to get him to start working on his separation anxiety. The first step is not being touched when he wants it with someone still in the room. Everyone has all but disregarded what I have told them about giving Zuko some space. He doesn’t want it but he needs it. He’s been healing with a big emotional crutch. Maybe now that there is another motivator they will be more likely to listen to what I have to say.” Iyasu chimes in, looking pointedly at Sokka. 

Zohara nods. “Good, that will be good. Zuko, can you hear me? We aren’t going to be talking about your eating habits anymore. Moving on to your back. Can you listen to me?” Zuko nods, still clutching Suki. 

“You have arthritis in your spinal cord and knees, Zuko. The cartilage has been worn down and the bones are rubbing against each other, it’s part of why you have been in so much pain when trying to move. You’ve had trouble building up muscle in your arms not only from malnutrition but because your shoulders are likely causing you a lot of pain. They have both been partially dislocated multiple times. The tissue around them is swollen and irritated. It’s probably also why your fingers are so cold, you don’t have proper blood flow through your arms. You have several minor blood clots as well but I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain. I’m going to focus on your shoulders first. You need to gain muscle in your arms. You’ll start by getting yourself around in the wheelchair. Once I heal the rest of your body you can start using crutches periodically to gain overall strength. Your left ankle is in pretty bad shape, I’m not sure why. Realistically, If you’re lucky, you’ll need a cane and brace to get around. There is a chance you might only need one or you may be able to walk without either when in the palace and not traveling long distances. However, you  _ will  _ be able to walk again if you work with me, okay?”

Zuko nods, whimpering again as a servant comes into the room with a cup of broth. “Ca-can everyone but Sokka and Suki go…if you want me to eat, there needs to be less people. Sokka nor Suki ever choked me…please.” He says quietly, slowly raising his head. 

There is a quiet chorus of agreement and Zohara feels someone take her hand. She turns her head and sees Azula. “Come on, you look exhausted. Let’s go get you something to eat and I’ll show you where your room is. Or we can have food brought to your room. Whatever you prefer. I’m sure we can find something not particularly spicy, Zuko would tell me about foods that Sokka liked because it reminded him of the Water Tribe. So we have that to work with How about that?”

Zohara laughs, smiling a little as she follows Azula. “Second option sounds nice. That definitely took a lot out of me. That was so horrible. Who could  _ do  _ something like that to him? He’s so tiny. He’s so scared. He’s in so much pain. How could anyone want to hurt someone that badly?”

Azula is silent for a long moment. “Monsters. Inhuman monsters, that’s who. I saw you grow protective over him. I’m glad. I knew I could trust you around him.”

Zohara can feel the tension in her voice and body as she talks. She’s angry at the people who did this to Zuko. Zohara doesn’t know more than it was Zuko’s own father, Fire Lord Ozai and his supporters. That’s very vague information. She still feels angry at these faceless people. Azula needs to not think about the pain that her brother is in and what has been done to him, she thinks for a moment as Azula pulls her into a large, beautiful room.

“Why was Zuko telling you about food Sokka likes? And when did he tell you this?” She asks, touching the fiery, silk bed sheets, smiling as the shimmer in the light. 

“I’m pretty sure I told you I was in a mental institution for several years. A long, bad, and very personal story short, my father had trained and groomed me from a very young age as his second. All of my identity was in him and military success. I kinda lost it after Aang won the war and I lost the Agni Kai against Zuko and Katara. About three years ago, Zuko started visiting me regularly. I had built up my own identity and personality by then outside of my father. I was more emotionally competent. Neither of us really knew how to talk to each other considering we had been at odds for so long. Once I found out about Sokka, his boyfriend, he would just tell me about Sokka. Nothing really happened in the hospital so I had no interesting stories to tell. So I just listened to Zuko tell me about his stupid, boomerang throwing, meat loving, Water Tribe peasant fiance who made him happy. I didn’t know he was in a poly relationship until after I got out. He was already worried that I would hate him for liking a man and I guess he didn’t want to push it. When I was in the hospital I decided that when I met Sokka I would make fun of him endlessly but protect him at all costs on the grounds he made Zuko so happy. Unfortunately, I never got the opportunity to mess with him. Just…had to watch Zuko break.”

Zohara gives her a sad look. “He’s been through a lot, but you’re the Fire Lord. He has people who love him, he has time, and he has resources to recover. It might take a long time but at some point you and him can make fun of Sokka together.” She awkwardly opens her arms, offering Azula a hug who eagerly accepts.

“You want something to eat, Zohara? Apparently Ocean Kumquats are like sea prunes according to Sokka and Katara. Never had either, Zuko has warned me against them.” She hears Azula chuckle sadly. 

“What do you like to eat? We could eat together. I could get to know you better when you don’t have brain damage and aren’t a prisoner.” Zohara hopes that it at least lightens Azula’s mood. Just seeing Zuko like that, a man she doesn’t know, had hurt. If he had been someone Zohara had known before, let alone cared for, it would have shattered her heart. How someone could have done that to another human being was unfathomable. How someone could have seen what they were doing, seen Zuko in that helpless, broken state and  _ continued  _ to hurt him…it was all so horrible. Zohara couldn’t even imagine raising her voice at Zuko, let alone a hand to harm him.

“We have sea soup. It’s usually a more salty dish. It’s seafood, eggs, and noodles. It probably is somewhat spicy, I’m not sure though, I’m pretty used to spicy dishes at this point. There are also rice based dishes. They don’t need to sit most of the day to be made properly so the kitchen staff simply won’t add much spice when they sautee whatever other vegetables you want in there. I do think you’ll like the sea soup. I would say Sokka does, but he likes just about everything so that isn’t much of a selling point. However, Bato and Hakoda at least will eat it and not complain. I’m sure you spent  _ some  _ time with Bato on the way back. That is saying…something. That man sure can bitch about stuff.”

Zohara pulls away, brushing a strand of hair from Azula’s face without thinking. She averts her eyes as she sees Azula blush a little. “Soup sounds good. Kinda homey. I can slowly get used to more Fire Nation dishes during my stay here…however long that is.” She really has no idea. Her husband hadn’t really cared that she was leaving, they both agreed that it might be good for both of them to have some space. There wouldn’t have to be any public scene about their disagreements. Neither of them wanted real conflict, and they never had any. It was just…a heavy atmosphere between the two of them when alone. Forced conversation and formalities when in public and then just…silence behind closed doors. The occasional simple request from one to the other. They had both figured if they just ignored each other, kept out of each other’s space, they wouldn’t have reason to fight. It had worked for years. Now he had the whole home to himself and Zohara had…this. She hopes she is allowed to stay for a while. It’s nice here.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll ask a servant to bring us some soup. There are an assortment of clothes that you may be more comfortable wearing in there.” Azula points to a wardrobe on the far side of the room. “I’m sure there will be something in your size to your liking. If not to wear around, at least to wear to bed. If you find nothing you like in there for tomorrow, I’m sure I can find you something. In the next few days I can have something made for you if you would like. But for the time being, you know…” she gestures awkwardly to the wardrobe again before hurrying out of the room as fast as she can in her current condition. Azula closes the door behind her, presumably to give Zohara some sense of privacy. 

She walks over to the wardrobe, opening it slowly. Everything in it is bright red, like everything in this country. After a little searching, she finds a comfortable tunic to wear to bed that should keep her cool in the heat tonight. She finds a long, thin, short sleeved dress that fits her for tomorrow. She looks at the door and quickly pulls off her clothes from earlier and pulls on the tunic. She feels so much better. Her clothes are well made but are built for the tundras of the North Pole, not the Fire Nation heat. 

She folds her clothes from earlier and puts them neatly in a drawer by her bed. She folds her clothes for tomorrow and puts them on top of the bedside table before sitting down on the bed. It’s soft and comfortable. She is definitely going to enjoy her time here.

The door opens and Azula slips back in. “Hey. I’ve talked to some people and told them where you're staying, your bags will be up here at the latest by tomorrow morning. Also soup should be here soon. Also, you look nice, uh, sorry.” The last comment seems to come out unintentionally. Zohara can’t keep herself from smiling. “Thanks.”

Azula sits down on the bed next to her, looking exhausted. “Thank you for coming. For helping. Zuko needs help. He needs so much help. You said that the cartilage in his spine has been worn down, is there like a cure for that?”

Zohara gives her a sad look, shaking her head. “No method that I want anyone to guarantee him success with or even tell him about. There are methods to ease the pain and build muscle in his back to get some weight off of his bone structure and give it more support. It’s just in his lower back, upper back is fine for now as long as he starts recovering soon. I brought some water from the Spirit Oasis, only what Tui and La granted me permission to take. There isn’t much and I want to have a better understanding of Zuko’s condition so I don’t use it for something he doesn’t need as badly. If he’s half as stubborn as you, it’ll be a challenge. You need to rest, Azula. You had a bad head injury. Let your uncle run the country for another week or so and you take that time to really rest. Eat well and sleep. I’ll fight you if you don’t. Zuko has plenty of people looking after him right now. He won’t be alone if you’re not with him for a few more days. He has your guys’ scary, weird, adoptive mother, Kya. He knows that you’ll make a full recovery now. Any anxiety he had about you should be gone.” 

Azula smiles sheepishly as a servant comes in with a tray of food. Zohara takes a bite of it. It is a little spicy to what she would prefer but it is really good. Eggs, shrimp, crab, fish, and noodles. “Okay, I have to say, this is really good. Also, you need to eat foods high in protein right now, perfect for your recovery.”

Azula smiles at her, taking a large bite of her soup. “You know how to read, right Zohara?” She nods, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, of course, why?”

“Well, tomorrow I can show you the library. There are a lot of books and maps and such. Some just for fun others more informational. If you identify some places you would like to see or things you would like to do, once Zuko is doing better, I can take you. I can show you some things that you may have never seen before. Doesn’t need to exclusively be in the Fire Nation either. When else are you going to have the Fire Lord’s resources at your disposal.”

Zohara knows that her face is lighting up like a child’s and she does nothing to stop it. “You can do that?”

“I’m the Fire Lord, I can do what I want. If you wanna go somewhere or do something cool, I’ll make it happen, all you gotta do is ask.”

“Thank you, Azula. Really, thank you.”

The two of them chat about nothing at all for the better part of the next hour and a servant comes and takes their empty bowls. “Thank you again, Zohara, for being willing to help Zuko. He needs it.” Her voice is slow and sleepy.

“Can you put your head on my lap? I want to try a little more healing before I send you off to bed. Zuko isn’t the only one who is injured and in need of my help.” Thankfully, Azula complies, resting her head on Zohara’s lab. Zohara pours water into her hand, pressing it to Azula’s head, hoping it does something. 

When she finishes, she puts the water back and begins to run her fingers through Azula’s thick hair. “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to come here. It’s nice to get out of the North, even if only for a little.” She says softly. 

She looks down at Azula’s face, unsure if she was expecting Azula to answer. It’s very clear that Azula had been exhausted and had simply fallen asleep in her lab. Zohara smiles, shifting herself into a more comfortable position and pulling Azula next to her. “Goodnight, your majesty.” She mumbles, before falling into an easy sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Katara is considered one of the best healers in the world in legend of Korra and she probably stared to learn more healing from experts throughout her life and being a waterbending prodigy along with intense skill and determination certainly helped that At this point she is mostly self taught in healing and most of her skill is in fighting and chronic injury is incredibly difficult to heal and takes years of training. I don't think that she isn't skilled enough to do it just hasn't had the proper training yet.  
> Also, 100% unnecessary soft scene between Azula and Zohara at the end. It is there because SapphicStrawberry has informed me that is is going to be cannon. She drew the picture of Zohara and regularly talks to me in the comments and has more than enough grounds to inform me of things that are going to happen in this fic (on top of that i have no idea what the plot is, I have surprised myself with events as I am writing them. At this point I only know a few scenes as well as the ending)


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not posting last week, I got really excited about the other fic I was writing and made that chapter longer, had a lot of stuff due for school, and was volunteering over the weekend in the woods hauling rocks and building fires to cook over, this just kinda got lost in everything.  
> I also wanted to note that we are nearing the end of this thing and apologizing for probably kinda fucking it up earlier when I was sad and got super angsty several weeks back, but here we are, I hope that it isn't too terrible in the long run

Zuko’s first actual healing session must have been intense to say the least. He hadn’t been doing too well after Zohara had examined him and isn’t doing well now either. He had been trembling slightly for hours clutching onto Sokka as he ran his fingers though Zuko’s hair, humming quietly.

Sokka had wanted to talk to Zuko about his literal death wish, but now was not a good time. He knew that Zuko had been through a lot and his current state was a testament to that but Sokka was still so upset that Zuko had been so ready to leave him. Upset that so many others had agreed to kill Zuko. Their friend, lover, and brother. Sokka’s own sister and girlfriend had agreed. He knows that he’s being selfish, that the horrors that Zuko had faced were unfathomable and Zuko could bear to even think about going through a moment of that again. It didn’t mean that Sokka just wants the man he loves back. 

He wants to feel Zuko press his lips to Sokka’s cheek and neck as an apology for making fun of him (which he and Suki would go right back to doing). He wants to be able to have a lazy afternoon with him by the turtleduck pond, wrapped in each other’s arms and talking about nothing, sharing kisses, casual affection and affirmations of love. He just wants Zuko back. He  _ needs  _ Zuko back. Losing Zuko that first time had nearly killed him. If Sokka lost him again, it would destroy him. 

Zuko had refused to eat most meals brought to him. Sokka nor Suki were willing to force him to eat. They all saw what had happened when he was force fed earlier. It made him worse. So much worse. The worst had been when Zuko had cried the entire time while drinking his broth. He had slowly begun to get better at eating. He would eat about once every 3 hours and he soon allowed Sokka and Suki to sit at the end of the bed while he was eating. He had gotten a little faster, only took him about 20 minutes to finish a teacup of bone broth. Not very fast relative to other people, but a big improvement for Zuko. 

Sokka had once made the mistake of moving towards Zuko only a little and Zuko had thrown his broth, cup and all, at Sokka, screaming in horror. He hadn’t eaten the rest of the day but he allowed Sokka to sleep with him that night which was good. 

Zuko has a long road ahead of him, but at least there has begun to be some hope. Zohara had worked on his shoulders intensely the last several days. She had said that the damage was really bad and if the spine wasn’t such a vital part of the body, the damage to his shoulders would be his worst physical injury. It was an issue with the bones, cartilage, and muscles. He had to regularly stretch in between sessions to continue to improve his condition. In a few days Zohara is going to clear him and want him to wheel himself around in the wheelchair. It would take a lot longer for him to get places at first, but he needs to begin to build back up muscles in his arms and back. He needs to if he wants to learn how to walk again, no matter if he needs crutches, a cane, or a brace. If he can’t bring himself to walk again for either physical pain or trauma, he will still need to build muscles up in his arms again so he can be mobile. He would definitely want to be able to get around by himself if he was going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. 

Whatever Zuko chooses or has to do, Sokka just hopes that Zuko can start coming back to him like the man he once was. People kept saying that Zuko was never going to be the same and trying to push him would only hurt him. Sokka is certain that he would never push Zuko to be the man he once was for his own happiness. He really doesn’t want to hurt him. But Zuko  _ has  _ to be in there somewhere. He just needs to feel safe enough to come out again. Fully remember who he is. Feel loved, safe, and protected. The man that Sokka fell head-over-heels in love with years ago and is still in love with. Zuko is one of the bravest, kindest, strongest people that he has ever met. If anyone can pull through this, it’s Zuko. So Zuko can be the man who would give up on nothing, not the man who would beg for death as a form of protection. 

Sokka, Suki, and Zuko have been laying in bed together for a while after Zuko had successfully finished eating. They would both occasionally plant a soft kiss on Zuko’s face, whispering praise or affection. Zuko had snuggled close, a hint of a smile on his lips. A ghost of Zuko. The real Zuko. The one who was locked in there, hiding, waiting to be told he was safe again. That he wouldn’t be broken for daring to peek out of his captive safety. Zuko  _ hadn’t  _ died in that basement. He couldn’t have. Zuko was stronger than that. Sokka  _ needs _ Zuko to be stronger than that. He tries to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him that the fact Zuko was even willing to live and trust again was more than most people would be able to do. Most people would be empty shells unable to respond to anything, broken beyond repair. Zuko needs to heal more than he has. 

“Sokka?” Zuko whispers, his nose gently touching Sokka’s lips. “Yes, turtleduck?” Sokka asks, kissing the tip of Zuko nose and giving him a warm, loving smile. “Can we go outside? I want to feed the turtle ducks and just be outside. Wanna feel the sun.”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Suki mumbles, he can see her press a kiss to the back of Zuko’s head. “Want us to bring you out there, my love?” Zuko nods, sitting up. 

Sokka moves his head so he can gently kiss Zuko’s lips. “Would you like to be in the wheelchair or would you like me to carry you?” Sokka asks, nuzzling Zuko’s cheek. “I love you too, Sokka. I-I want to be carried. You’re warm. I missed you. Both of you. I love both of you so much.” Zuko butts his head up under Sokka’s chin, humming softly.

Suki helps wrap Zuko securely in a blanket, helping lift him into Sokka’s arms, allowing Zuko to snuggle up to his chest, a tiny smile on his lips. More than just the ghost of one. “I love you, turtleduck.” Zuko just hums quietly again in response, arms wrapped securely around Sokka’s neck as they begin walking towards the courtyard. 

When they reach the turtleduck pond, Suki helps get Zuko down so that Sokka doesn’t accidentally drop him. Zuko is having a good day. A really good day. Possibly the best that he had since his return. Sokka doesn’t want to spoil it by dropping Zuko, scaring and hurting him. 

Zuko had begun to get better ever since Zohara had come, not just physically but mentally as well. Sokka had asked Iyasu what she thought about it and she said that while talking to Zuko during their sessions it sounds like he is beginning to feel safe again. That now that he is free, the organization that had hurt him dissolved, and now that the people injured during the palace battle are back safe and well, there aren’t any new factors at play. Very early in his return the first letter had come and that had destroyed any sense of safety that Zuko may have begun to hold onto after relearning who the people around him were. This has been the first time that he has actually been able to focus on recovery physically, mentally, and spiritually. He is actually being given an opportunity to heal and feel safe. The constant terror he felt when the rest of the New Ozai Society was coming beginning to evaporate. 

Zuko rests his head against Sokka’s chest, trying to coax one of the turtle ducklings towards him. Sokka can’t help but to smile, kissing the top of Zuko’s head softly. He had noticed the abundance of graying hairs that Zuko had, but he hadn’t thought too much about it until Zohara had said something. He had been more focused on things that were more pressing. He can’t imagine the horrors that Zuko must have endured over those four months. He would do anything to go back and change what had happened. To have been there that night when they had come for Zuko. To have fought Ozai’s supporters off, to have been able to hold Zuko to his chest and tell him it was going to be alright. To make it so Zuko never had to endure a moment of what he had. Sokka would trade his life for that.

“You want some help, my love?” Suki asks, kissing Zuko’s cheek before pointing to one of the turtle ducklings. Zuko nods, snuggling closer to Sokka. Sokka can feel just how cold Zuko is even wrapped in a blanket in Sokka’s arms in the Fire Nation no less. He remembers when he and Suki would huddle around Zuko when visiting the Southern Water Tribe to get some of the warmth radiating from his body. He was like a furnace. Having a firebender boyfriend to snuggle with at night is a must have when in the tundras. It was also just an excuse to snuggle with Zuko all day. He later found out that Zuko had made himself that warm on purpose partially to keep warm but also to get Sokka and Suki to snuggle him more.

Suki helps Zuko properly cup the turtle duckling in his hands. Sokka watches as Zuko lifts the turtle duck up close to his face, a real smile showing on his face as it cheeps at him. The turtle duck stands up, biting a few strands of hair in its beak and gently pulling on. Sokka hears Zuko giggle softly, feeling warmth spread through his chest. One look at Suki’s face and he can tell that she could hear him too. That was the first real laugh or real expression of happiness that anyone had heard or seen from him since his rescue. 

“There you are turtleduck. I love you so, so much. You’re perfect. I love you.” Sokka breathes, kissing Zuko again. “You’re going to be okay, my love.” Suki leans forward, kissing Zuko as well. “Thank you, both of you for being patient with me. F-for not getting angry at me. For waiting for me. I-I still need more time, but I love you both so much. You’re so kind and gentle and I love you. You make me feel safe…warm. I love you.” Zuko mumbles, snuggling closer to Sokka’s chest and Suki moves closer to both of them, wrapping one arm around Sokka and the other around Zuko.

The three of them just stay there, mumbling words of affection, affirmations of love, exchanging gentle kisses and touches, holding each other close. It feels a little like it did before. Slow, gentle, casual affection between the three of them in the courtyard. Zuko holding a turtle duck that would occasionally pull on someone’s hair or clothes until it either fell asleep or decided to go back to it’s family. Sokka humming quietly, half asleep, head resting on Suki’s as she rests her head on his shoulder. Zuko curled up in their laps, practically purring with contentment as Suki ran her fingers through his hair. 

For the first time in a long time, Sokka feels real hope that he could get his life back. His life with the two bravest, strongest, kindest people in the world who fill him with more love and happiness than he thought was possible for the human heart to carry without bursting.  _ Zuko will be okay. He has to be okay. He’s going to be okay. _ He tells himself over and over again. He might not be the same, but Sokka is going to get Zuko back. These are the moments he needs to make it okay. 

  
  
  
  


Azula had finally found what she was looking for in town and is excited to get her hood off. She is at least able to walk without her cane now, but won’t be able to run for a few more days, so she was stuck walking all day in the Fire Nation heat trying to hide her identity. She isn’t sure how the people of the Fire Nation feel about her right now and Iroh wants to continue acting as the interim Fire Lord until Toph has finished with the officials and Azula has gotten back to her full strength. There is definitely a lot of confusion around the Fire Nation with what exactly is going on.

Azula had appeared to come out of nowhere and battled Iroh and team avatar while Aang was traveling and unable to help fight Azula who then drove off team avatar and killed Iroh. Zuko was then revealed to the public for the first time since his disappearance six months prior. Zuko had clearly been severely injured and unable to walk and Azula had then publicly threatened him to bring Aang peacefully into custody. Then all of the New Ozai Society had been brutally executed and any affiliation with them was banned and Azula disappeared again and Iroh was somehow alive. She knew that Iroh had revealed some of the basics of what had happened to the public about Zuko’s torture and Azula’s role. However, things are very much up in the air and Azula has no intentions of rocking the boat. She had been able to get around and conceal her identity with commoners’ clothes and a new hairstyle and the fact that she now just looks different due to age. However, people have seen her now and know she is back. Things are different now. She doesn’t want to risk messing things up over something so trivial. 

She walks into the palace, pulling back her hood and letting out a long, slow breath as she makes her way up the stairs in search of Zohara. Azula had gotten something for her and Zohara is likely in her room resting after healing Zuko earlier in the day. She knows that it’s both physically and emotionally exhausting for her. Being forced to be so close and personal with Zuko’s tortured body and fragmented mind isn’t easy for anyone. Azula can’t explain how grateful she is that Zohara was willing to take this on the task of healing Zuko. It is a lot to ask. She’s doing it anyway. Azula doesn’t know how much the loveless marriage she was trapped in or the fact that there are not too many options for women in the North played a role in bringing Zohara to the Fire Nation. Azula isn’t particularly concerned if it wasn’t all that much about helping Zuko because she has been helping him and seems to be doing a good job. Zuko has been less fearful and stronger than he has been in months. 

Zohara is helping him, that’s all that matters. And if Zohara gets something out of it then good for her. Azula isn’t happy that Zohara was stuck in a loveless marriage, but that does mean that maybe there is the tiniest possible chance that Zohara is technically single? Her husband has already broken the covenant of marriage by cheating, and she isn’t sure if there is a legal process to end a marriage in the Northern Water Tribe like there is in the Fire Nation or it just kinda gets called quits. Even if that is a social taboo. Okay,  _ maybe  _ Azula flirting with Zohara wasn’t fully due to head trauma. Zohara is really pretty, she’s smart, and kind. Her husband is an idiot. Azula would  _ certainly  _ not be saying any of that to Kya. She would mock Azula until the day she died. 

Azula knocks on Zohara’s door, biting the inside of her cheek. Part of it is out of nerves but a lot of it if from excitement she can’t seem to fully contain. “Come in.” Zohara’s sounds distant as if not fully present while talking. She’s likely tired, Azula doesn’t know what it feels like to heal someone, but it had exhausted Katara and itn likely had the same effect on Zohara despite more training. She had spent hours healing Zuko’s damaged body. A lot of it is taking so long because the damage is chronic and months old.

Azula slowly opens the door, walking into the room, Zohara is sprawled out on the bed, book open in front of her, reading quietly. The seamstress is still making something in blue for Zohara that would be fit for the Fire Nation heat, but Zohara still does look pretty in red. She would probably look pretty in just about anything.  _ Or nothing.  _ She blushes at the ridiculousness of that last intrusive thought, pushing any romance aside as she walks over to the bed.

Zohara looks up, her braids are still in with the silver ribbon, but the ice she used to put in her hair likely didn’t stay for more than a minute or two before melting in the Fire Nation when it would likely have to be melted by the fire back in the Water Tribe. It was a pretty look and a creative expression of fashion. She isn’t sure if it was a common thing to do or if Zohara had come up with the idea or gotten it from someone else. Azula hadn’t been able to see many other Water Tribe women while there due to her injury and imprisonment. The people had reason to be wary of her, however, it didn’t mean that she wasn't annoyed she didn’t get to see the place. Zuko had told her a lot about the Southern Water Tribe while she was in the hospital, he seemed to like it. It sounds like what he liked the second most was the aurora australis, Azula would have seen the aurora borealis. She can’t imagine that they would be all that different and she would have loved to see the lights in the sky. 

Zuko had  _ said  _ what he liked most was the aurora, but she’s pretty sure he liked the fact that it was cold and Zuko used to give off a lot of heat. People would likely huddle around him like a little campfire for warmth and he would receive a lot of affection through that. Ozai had treated Zuko particularly cruelly and she had found that he had become particularly fond of gentle, affectionate touch. He had gotten a lot of that from his new found adoptive family. She so wishes that she had been able to see Zuko with them before all of this. She wishes that she had killed Ozai when he had burned Zuko. Azula had considered it, but hadn’t gone through with it. Azula would have been able to ascend to the throne while Zuko was left unconscious and he wouldn’t have been hurt by Ozai anymore. 

It may not have been the most ethical thing. Her intentions may have been anger, greed fueled and ultimately self serving. However, it would have spared Zuko so much pain. It would have spared the world so much pain. Even if her intentions would have been selfish, she would have been doing the right thing for the wrong reason. Iroh could have taken her under his wing as she ruled, showing her what it was like to have a caring parental figure like he had done for Zuko. She could have let go of her anger long ago and been a similar person that she is today. Zuko wouldn’t be in so much pain if she had just killed her father as he slept. However, she hadn’t and Zuko has to suffer the consequences for her complacency. 

“Hey, Azula. What’s up?” Azula comes back to the present, eyes meeting Zohara’s for a moment before she looks at the ground in embarrassment. Zohara has put her scroll down and is now sitting on the bed, legs hanging over the ends. Azula hadn’t even noticed her move. 

“Hey, uh, Zo…can I call you Zo? It’s fine if you don’t want me to call you that, I know some people don’t like their names shortened. Sorry.” She says quickly, scratching the back of her neck, shifting her weight slightly from one foot to the other, hoping desperately that her blushing isn’t too noticeable and can be passed off as external heat. 

Zohara laughs softly, smiling at her. “Zo is fine, people tend to care more about their names when they hold cultural and familial significance. My parents just thought that Zohara sounded neat.”

Azula smiles awkwardly at her, waving, feeling incredibly stupid. She would have to ask Sokka what stupid things Zuko did when he had a crush on him. Better yet, she would have to ask Suki what stupid things Sokka and Zuko did for her and in front of her when they all started getting together or when it was just Suki and Sokka. Those stories would make her feel better about this interaction. Hopefully. 

“Hey, Zo, I brought you something for your hair. Thought it might be like the Fire Nation equivalent for your ice beads. I had read somewhere that moonstones are supposed to connect you to Tui…that is the moon spirit, right? I’m pretty sure Tui is the moon and La is the ocean. I could have that backwards. Anyway, even if that is just a myth, they’re still pretty. I also got some ribbons for you to like string them on, tie knots so they don’t move and then braid them into your hair. You don’t have to, I just, I don’t know, it might be stupid, sorry, I’m rambling and–”

She gets cut off when she feels Zohara pull her into a tight embrace. “Don’t apologize, Azula. Thank you. Please don’t feel like you need to apologize for doing something nice that doesn’t harm anyone. I think it’s really sweet, maybe it will remind me of home. I’ve never heard of that legend nor do I think I’ve ever seen a moonstone but I’m sure either way they're pretty. Also my ice beads were purely aesthetic. No cultural importance behind them.”

Zohara pulls away, smiling warmly at Azula as Azula pulls the moonstone beads out of her pockets along with silver and blue ribbons. It would look better when Zohara can wear all blue again. “Thank you, Azula, for your kindness not just now but the entire time that I have been here. It means a lot. Also this is not at all how I pictured the Fire Lord nor the Fire Nation to be.” 

Azula smiles a little. “Want some help braiding them in? N-not that I don’t think you can’t do it on your own, just…ya know…” Azula shrugs, looking back at the floor, unable to look at Zohara, sure she could see Azula blushing like an idiot. 

“Sure, that might be nice.” Zohara hands Azula a comb sitting on the bedside table. Before sitting cross legged on the bed, back straight and head up. Something she must have brought back here from the Northern Water Tribe, it doesn’t look like anything here in the Fire Nation. It’s really quite beautiful.  _ Similar to it’s owner. _

Azula would have to ask Mai and Ty Lee how to properly flirt with women without making a fool of yourself but also not coming on too strong and scaring her off. She would certainly never hear the end of that one, but hey, if it worked it would be worth relentless teasing. 

Azula sits down on the bed behind Zohara and begins to unbraid her hair, pulling the strings out before brushing it gently, taking care to not pull on her hair too hard. Her hair isn’t as soft as Azula thought it was going to be. Azula  _ certainly _ hadn’t thought about running her fingers through Zohara’s hair multiple times. Not that. She does notice that Zo does smell pretty nice. It’s a really faint smell, but warm. Like lemongrass tea maybe. Whatever it is, it makes Azula feel happy, calm, and safe. 

Share begins to knot the beds carefully and evenly in the ribbon so that they wouldn’t shift around and all end up in one place as she braids the ribbons back into Zohara’s hair, humming softly, almost certain that Zohara is leaning into her touch. Maybe it was just because that is what Azula wanted to be happening. 

When she finishes, Zohara doesn’t pull away, she turns her head, smiling at Azula, leaning her head back and resting her head against her shoulder. They sit like that in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Zohara reaches and up and unclasps her necklace. “I don’t think I’ll be going back. It was a loveless marriage anyways.” She sets it next to her and Azula is sure that her ears turn pink.

  
  
  


With the help of Zohara, Katara had been able to get a lot of people in the hospital out of danger and they were able to be almost fully cared for by the royal healers. Katara will almost certainly help later but she had resigned to her room several hours ago presumably to take a well deserved bath and sleep for a solid 48 hours. Aang knew better than to mess with her. She is kind and caring, but when she has been overworked after being overworked for months on end and dealing with the emotionally exhausting situation with Zuko, she is justifiably on edge. Likey with a few days of recovery, finally giving her the chance to fully process that things are going to get better with the New Ozai Society gone.

Aang hadn’t been able to spend much time with Zuko for a long time. First, Aang was off performing his Avatar duties, then Zuko had been taken, then Zuko just hadn’t wanted to see Aang simply because he was another man. After what had been done to Zuko by the hands of 13 indescribably horrible men, Aang wasn’t particularly shocked that Zuko was warry. He couldn’t stand to be hurt again. His friend had been through far too much in his lifetime and everything that had been done to him was ritiusly unjust. 

Out of every catastrophic mistake that Aang made in his life, such as getting frozen for 100 years when the world needed him, not killing Ozai is the one that he regrets the most. He could have spared Zuko so much pain by killing someone who was barely a man. He could have done it while in the avatar state, spreading the blood over the consciousness of hundreds of souls connected by one spirit, even if the blood would only stain his hands. However, blood on skin can be washed away. Blood staining the soul is what keeps one awake at night, the knowledge of taking another life, everything that person could have been described in nothing but a drying smear etched forever into the crevices one tries to hide from the light so it can’t be seen by prying eyes. Hide it in their shame. If he could go back and do it again, he would have killed Ozai no matter how much it hurt him. No matter how much it went against all of his values. Zuko’s sanity and sense of self was worth that. Zuko had been broken by that man in ways too horrible to describe. 

Aang honestly doesn’t understand how Zuko only made one attempt on his life when he was rescued. It’s not like he  _ wanted  _ Zuko to try and hurt or kill himself more, just if the roles were switched with Zuko and just about anyone else, they wouldn’t have survived. The inability to feel safe, to feel comfortable in their own body, to remember who they are or who their friends are, their fear to trust others, especially other men, no matter how close they once were, would lead just about anyone to make attempts on their own life until they succeeded. Aang is sure the fragments of the mind would have gotten to him long before he learned to trust again. It’s some form of twisted miracle that Zuko is even still alive and recovering. Making it past everything to any degree.

All Aang knows is that he wants to see his friend again. That he wants to be in Zuko’s life again and grow close again. His marble trick impressed just about no one but it might entertain Zuko in his current state. He would rather Zuko tell him that it was stupid and to not mess around. Considering that version of Zuko is dead and gone, the least Aang can hope to do is bring a little cheer to his friend’s sullen face. 

Zuko hadn’t been in his room or in Sokka’s. He would definitely be in the palace, he is certainly too scared to leave at this point. It’s still too early in his process. Aang had run into Sokka and he was surprised that he wasn’t with Zuko, the two had been practically inseparable since Zuko was willing to see Sokka again. Sokka had told him that Zuko was down at the turtle duck pond, he had recently been able to get around by himself in his wheelchair and was apparently encouraged to do so. Aang isn’t a healer of any kind but trusts the word of those who are, truly believing that they have the experience and Zuko’s best interests at heart. 

Aang walks into the courtyard, finding Zuko alone for the first time in months, something Aang didn’t think Zuko would ever be able to do again considering how clingy he had become. He is still certain that Zuko will never be able to sleep alone again considering that is when he was taken. But the fact that Zuko is able to be alone during the day for any amount of time is huge.

Aang begins walking towards him, walking in a wide half circle so he could approach Zuko from the front, not wanting to scare him. Aang is about to say something as a greeting when he realizes that Zuko is in a meditative position. His breathing and posture seems right but his expression is…troubled. His eyebrow is knit, his lips are pinched and in a slight frown. His hands are clenched opposed to their usual position of one resting on top of the other. 

“Um…Zuko? Are you okay?” Aang asks quietly, careful to not speak too loudly or stand too close to Zuko. he didn’t want to set him back further. He had been hearing Zuko had been doing better since Zohara arrived and didn’t want to mess things up. Aang wasn’t sure how Zuko would react to his presence. Aang had been focused on helping Katara in any way that he possibly could, he hadn’t had the energy to actually spend time with Zuko.

Zuko opens his eyes, flinching a little but not freaking out, a few calming breaths and he is able to look his way. “Hey…Aang. How have you been?” His voice is quiet, and he sounds like he’s on the verge of crying. Aang really had wanted to see Zuko sooner, Zohara has been here for almost two weeks at this point and he’s had the time, he just…it’s hard. Zuko isn’t the person he once knew. By getting to know Zuko again, Aang would have to accept the fact that Zuko had died in that basement. His friend who risked everything to fight by his side is dead and gone. If Zuko and Aang didn’t really connect, Aang could lie to himself about Zuko’s condition. He could tell himself that Zuko was still just in recovery and would bounce back. Aang and Bato were the only two left who had that luxury, and it was about to only be Bato. Aang would have to admit that Zuko is someone else now who will never be the same. He would almost rather go back to having Zuko chase them around the world again. At least there was hope for him to be a kind and loving person when he was an asshole. At least he was whole. Zuko is kind and loving now, he just…he’s barely here.

“I’ve been okay, got to spend some time with Katara which was nice. I’m more concerned about you though, buddy. You seem really upset. Can I sit here?” He gestures to the ground in front of Zuko who nods once before Aang sits cross legged.

Zuko hangs his head, biting his lip. “I know this is going to sound stupid and probably a lost cause, but I’m trying to reconnect with Agni. I don’t want to actually firebend again. I’ll probably be able to be around it again as long as it isn’t too close and I can get away from it if I need to. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to have it against my skin. I just feel empty and cold without Them. I-I’ve been trying to connect with them most of the day…I just can’t. I don’t know how.” Zuko bruches at his face, likely hiding froming tears.

“Zuko, that isn’t stupid, I promise it isn’t. It’s actually really brave of you. Firebending is part of who you are, making Agni a part of you. I can’t imagine being left without my bending, it’s part of who I am. I personally may not know too much about reconnecting a firebender to the sun, but I am directly connected to several hundred people with 10,000 years of experience, one of them has to know something. Katara is asleep now and I’ve been wanting to spend some time with you for a while, what better way to reconnect with one of my best friends by helping him reconnect with the sun.”

A small smile appears on Zuko’s face. “You would…do that?” He asks tentatively. 

Aang can’t suppress the wide grin that appears on his face. “Of course, what else are friends for? Also, it’s good to see you smile again. You’re really starting to look better.” Where that last statement is true, it isn’t saying very much. Zuko had gone from looking like a corpse to someone who is almost dead. The bar isn’t particularly high. He must have started eating solid foods again recently, maybe thin soups again like Katara had been getting him to eat before, because he has been putting on some much needed weight. Not much, but a little. It's better than nothing. 

Zuko bites his lip gently before scanning Aang’s face, never meeting his eyes. “Aang…I’m sorry for chasing you around the world. I know that it was a while ago, but thank you for forgiving me. For being kind to me after everything I did. Thank you for searching for me. Thank you for not giving my father his bending back I…I can’t imagine what he would have done if he got it back. Thank you for not caving. Uncle had told me you were really on the fence about that choice and like you had to make the decision because you didn’t kill my father before. I just want to say you made the right choice. I would have been just as broken and he would have gotten his bending. I just…If you have any guilt about it, I’ve been able to feel it when you were around me. You felt guilty. Please don’t, I know that I had my father imprisoned for years, I could have had him publicly executed. I could have poisoned him. You did what you thought was right and I did too, but you made the right call about not giving into his demand. I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while. I haven’t gotten the chance.”

Aang feels a tear roll down his cheek and he brushes it away with his wrist. “Zuko…can I hug you?” Zuko nods, leaning against Aang’s shoulder as Aang pulls his friend into his arms. The first thing he notices is how cold Zuko is. His skin is noticeably cold to the touch when Aang used to be able to feel heat radiating from him from a full foot away. “You’re freezing, Zuko. Let’s try and reconnect you with Agni. You’ll probably feel better. No one expects you to firebend after what you’ve been through. I think Sokka will be happy to have his favorite heater back though.” Zuko chuckles softly at the last comment and Aang can’t help but smile at the fact his friend is finally laughing again even if not much.

“So, when I connect to my past selves without going into the Avatar State, my physical appearance will change to match them along with my voice. Apparently when I turned into Kyoshi there was wind for a little, I don’t remember. I just want to warn you so it doesn’t freak you out when it happens. I’m sure we can find someone to help you. My guess is it’s going to be Kyoshi, she was alive for 230 years and was romantically involved with a very accomplished and knowledgeable firebender, I think her name was Rangi. She saw and did a lot but she can appear to be intimidating. She has a reputation of violence but doesn’t harm others unless it presents itself as necessary. She’s the namesake of the group of warriors Suki leads. You know and trust Suki, she would never harm you. I promise Kyoshi would never hurt you, I’m not sure if it will be her, but it probably will. Are you ready, Zuko?”

Zuko slowly nods. “So, um…what should we do? Or I do? I’m not sure, I–I’ve never had to reconnect with Agni before, at least I don’t think I have.”

Aang shrugs, really not sure. “I’m going to meditate and you just do whatever one of my past lives tells you to.”

Zuko nods once before Aang gets into a proper meditation position and reaches out to his past lives of any who had any advice for reconnecting a tortured firebender with pyrophobia to Agni.

  
  
  


Zuko watches Aang for a long time, unsure about what would happen. He hasn’t spent too much time with Aang since his rescue, but every vague memory of the man he has points to the fact that Aang can be trusted. He is kind, loyal, and honest. He holds no grudge nor believes in violence and he has to trust that Aang wouldn’t bring anyone to him that had any intentions of hurting him. 

No one had ever brought someone to Zuko who would want to hurt him. The only time that happened was with warning and was a last resort with the New Ozai Society. The thought of that week still makes him feel sick with absolute terror. How easily he could have been hurt, brought back to that place. How that man had gotten into Sokka’s room, thankfully Azula had removed him. He had been so scared someone he loved would die in that fight. He has no idea how he got lucky enough to avoid that happening. He would have never forgiven himself. The guilt and grief would have killed him.

His friends had brought back Kya and Zohara, two people who had done nothing but help him. His friends had sacrificed so much to keep him safe and heal him that he has to believe Aang is doing the same. Aang wouldn’t bring someone here who would hurt him, whether they be alive or a past reincarnation of himself, Aang wouldn’t bring anyone to Zuko who would hurt him. 

A wind fills the courtyard, the turtle ducks begin to hurry away from the two men, despite the warning, Zuko can’t help but flinch back, letting out a small yelp, wrapping his arms around himself from fear and cold. He closes his eyes, burying his face in his knees, feeling tears prick in his eyes and his heart race too fast. Finally, the wind subsides, and Zuko stays how he is, trying to soothe himself.

“You have suffered more than anyone should have to. More than those who did this to you should have to. More than anyone could ever deserve, I am so sorry that those around you hurt you so deeply.” Zuko hears a low, strong female say. He looks up to see a woman wearing the same makeup that Suki and the other Kyoshi warriors wear.  _ Suki would love this.  _ Is the first cohesive thought that comes to his head. He can’t bring himself to say anything to Kyoshi, he just looks blankly at her. 

“I understand you have lost all connection with Agni, the spirit of the sun. Something so horrible has been done to you that you not only lost your connection with Them but fear of your own element was struck into your very soul. I can help you, stay in a relaxed, meditative position and close your eyes. This may be hard for you, but trust me, I won’t harm you. Agni won’t harm you. I want to warn you that I’m going to touch your forehead and chest, it may feel odd or uncomfortable, but it won’t be painful. I can promise you that. I have no intentions of forcing you to suffer more than you already have.”

Zuko nods slowly, his knees still pulled to his chest, looking at the woman nervously. Things had been easier since everyone came back from the north. There was no one new trying to hurt him, no one he loved in danger of being harmed for his sake. He had someone trained and skilled healing him and two people who loved him unconditionally almost always by his side, keeping him safe. Zuko had been able to start focusing on learning more about his past, recalling the memories of the people he once trusted. Recovery had become easier and faster, it didn’t mean that the unknown didn’t fill him with palpating fear. It just meant on some days he could face it with only an hour or two to recover opposed to days.

“Zuko, please, let me help you. If you’re too scared to bend, you can ask Aang to remove your bending all together like he did with your father. It’s hurting you to be disconnected from Agni while a firebender. You either need to reconnect with Them or lose your bending. If you’re a firebender, you need your inner flame. The choice is yours, but I’m not sure if you can change your mind and regain your bending if it is taken. Energy bending isn’t something any bender has been able to do in thousands of years. I have no knowledge and Aang’s is likely limited.”

Zuko closes his eyes tight, feeling tears rolling down his cheeks, trembling as he goes back to his meditative position. “I-I want to b-be whole a-again.” He whimpers, forcing his body not to retract into a fetal position and just sob from fear and confusion at what his life had become. At everything that he doesn’t understand. At everything he doesn't think he ever could understand even if he got his memories back. “ _ Please  _ d-don’t hurt me,” He begs. “I won’t survive anything else. I-I  _ can’t. _ ” 

“I won’t hurt you Zuko, you have my word not only as a warrior but as one of the many hosts of a spirit that has existed longer than any of the four nations, longer than the birth of bending or of man. I won’t hurt you.” With that, he feels two strong, firm, large hands press against him, One against his forehead, one against his chest. He feels energy flowing through him, the closest thing to body heat he has felt in months. It makes his body tingle in a mildly unpleasant but not exactly painful way.

“I need you to breathe with me and to reach out with your mind and spirit, search for warmth, for flame that could never burn you. Fight past the fear of what could happen and what has happened. Focus only on what you can make happen. Agni will not harm you. I’m here with you. You’re safe.”

Zuko doesn’t respond, he just begins to breathe with the pulse of the energy coursing through his body. He does his best to keep his mind from clouding over completely with fear, doing nothing to even try to stop his shaking or crying. He feels as though the energy is leading him somewhere, and he follows it. As he does, he feels his body grow warmer, for the first time in so long he doesn’t feel like there is ice coursing through his veins. He feels power in the form of warmth run through his body, strength fills him in a way that it hadn’t in so long. He can see flame, he can feel it, it doesn’t burn, but he knows it’s there.

Zuko can hear himself screaming, crying harder, unable to even try to get away from the phantom flame, unable to struggle, only able to scream and cry as he feels something erupt in his stomach, spreading warmth from his core to the tips of his fingers and toes. He feels the energy disappear as hands are removed from his chest and head and Zuko collapses to the ground, sobbing.

He feels arms wrap around him, he hears Aang apologizing profusely, sounding like he is crying himself. “Aang! What did you do to him?! What happened?!” He hears Suki yell moments before he feels her touching his face, kissing him gently. 

“Oh, love, it’s alright. You’re okay. I’ve got you, what happened? I promise you’re safe. Aang, can I hold him?” Zuko does hear a response, he just feels himself being shifted into Suki’s arms, clutched tight to her chest. “Zuko…you’re so warm, you feel like…you again. What happened, my love? Can you calm down? Talk to us? Do you want a few minutes to calm down, my love? I’ll hold you.”

Zuko nods, nestling his face in the crook of Suki’s neck as she rubs his back, rocking him in her arms, letting him cry quietly, letting the fear of pain subside. Allowing him to feel his anguish without any retribution. Allowing him to regain his sense of safety in a space he had always been protected. 

He hears footsteps hurting towards them and the sound of someone sitting next to him, a new hand touching his back. “Turtleduck, what’s wrong? What happened?” Sokka asks frantically, kissing his shoulder. 

“I-I was trying to help him but I think Kyoshi scared him. She can be very intimidating. I don’t think she hurt him, just scared him. I’m so sorry, Zuko. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”

Zuko lifts his head a little and takes several slow, deep breaths, calming his cries a little, not doing much for his trembling, but he presses closer to Suki, feeling safe. “Wa-wasn’t Kyoshi. A-Agni scared me. Fire. Kyoshi helped.” He gets out before burying his face back in Suki’s neck.

“Wait, so does that mean it worked?” Aang asks hopefully. Zuko nods.

“Wait, what worked? What were you two trying to do? Why was Kyoshi here, did you turn into her Aang like Sokka told me you did for a trial and can you maybe do it again?” Suki asks and Zuko can’t help but to giggle a little at the excitement in Suki’s voice about the possibility of meeting the woman she had spent her life training to be like.

“That's not my purpose as the Avatar.” Aang grumbles more to himself than Suki.

“Agni relit my inner flame. I…I’m warm again. I could probably bend again I just…don’t want to. Don’t think I could handle it.”

“Oh, turtleduck, that's wonderful. I’m so proud of you. That had to be hard but I’m so, so proud.” Sokka says on the verge of tears, wrapping his arms around Zuko and Suki. “You’re back to being the perfect temperature for any condition. I’m excited to get to snuggle with you again tonight.”

The four of them sit there, Zuko snuggled up against Suki with Sokka wrapping his big, dumb, loving arms around both of them, ocassionally pressing kisses to the side of Zuko’s head. Suki is busy trying to bribe Aang to turn back into Kyoshi, offering him more and more ridiculous things as he just give valid reasons on why he can’t just go around turning into past Avatars to amuse his friends (Suki had argued that it wasn’t for her amusement but for respect for the woman and the culture she had grown up in).

Zuko can’t remember a time that he had been happier after he calmed himself down. He’s wrapped in the arms of the two people he loves most in the world. Two people who had done so much for him and only asked for his recovery in return. He feels stronger than he has in so long, both physically and mentally. Doesn’t feel like his bones and blood are made of ice, freezing him to the core. He almost feels comfortable in his own body for the first time in so long.

For the first time, he truly believes that he is going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the few people still reading this thing enjoyed this:)  
> Also, Azula and Zohara are u-haul gays, lets be real.


End file.
